TO SIR WITH LOVE BY: JULIEN
This story is 100% fictional and is by no means depictive of the life of any person, place or thing. It contains sexual activities between males and should only be read if it is legal to do so in your area. Read at your own risk and enjoy. Comments are welcomed and would be very much appreciated. ENJOY!
"Stefan you've got to eat something."
"I'm not hungry Chris, I just want to be alone."
My brother finally gave into my demands and left the room closing the door behind him. I never did make it back to the office that day but instead spent an hour and a half walking over the Brooklyn Bridge in the direction of my brothers' house where I waited for him to get home that evening. Seeing me on his doorstep with my face looking like it had been run over by a train and practically crying my eyes out he had no choice but to spend his evening with me.
"You can go out with Charlene, I'll be ok."
"No! No. Charlene will understand ok. I can go out with her anytime."
"Please don't tell her about this."
"I don't talk about you with her Stefan ok. What you say here stays here."
"I'm sorry, I didn't."
"Shhh, try and get some rest."
And I had tried without much success. I was sneezing from being outdoors without as much as a coat and my throat was sore from all the crying I had been doing. And here with Chris, by myself I took the time to think about what had transpired. I had gone over the situation frame by frame and still couldn't come up with anything that could explain away what had happened. And closing my eyes brought with it another nightmare about one of my earlier days with Mason.
We had been together officially for six months. I was on the verge of turning eighteen and he had decided that it was time to introduce me to a few of his friends. We had gone to a house party up in the hills, far away from the rest of society. I remembered thinking what a beautiful house his friend had.
"You like that huh."
"Yeah, it's so huge, I've never seen anything like it before."
He had leaned in and kissed my cheek,
"One day we're going to have a house that big."
His friend, a tall African American guy had met us at the door and had grabbed Mason into a hug.
"What's up Mace? Haven't seen you in a while. Who's your friend?"
He had turned to me and had introduced himself as Derrick.
"Stefan, I'm Masons'..." he had cut me off.
"He's with me."
And that must have sent the message that no one was to say anything to me as Derrick had held up his hands in defense.
"No problem Mace. Come on in."
The party it self had not been my thing and I was hoping that we would have left soon. Mason had seemed oblivious to my feelings as he was busy dancing, drinking and reacquainting himself with every lady in the house. I remembered getting upset after he had made out with one of the prettier ones right there in front of everyone. I had walked out only to have Masons' friend follow me.
"It doesn't mean a damn thing. He does shit like that all the time."
"Oh really!"
"Yeah. How old are you kid?"
"Seventeen."
"You got a lot to learn. Let me tell you something, Mace is twenty-seven ok. And in all the years I've known him, I've never seen him bring another girl or guy for that matter to one of my parties. And the fact that you're here should tell you that you mean something to him."
I had let his words sink in and I had allowed myself to believe them because I wanted Mace to feel that way about me.
"You want a beer."
"No, I don't..."
"Come on kid. Just one beer, loosen up. If you're gonna be with my boy you gotta be able to relax and let loose."
And I had followed his advice to a tee. One beer turned into three and before long my inhibitions were gone. The next thing I knew, I was outside with a guy from the party. I was sitting on the hood of a car and he stood in front of me marking tiny circles on the hood with his fingers.
"So you gotta man?"
"Yeah, Mace."
"Oh Mace is your man, the same Mace that I just saw getting freaky with some bitch upstairs."
And in all my 'clarity' I had believed him.
"Don't be mad baby boy, be bad, what say me and you take a drive out. See what we can do till your 'man'unoccupies himself."
"No I don't think so."
And as I tried to push him away, he took it as an open invitation and kissed me. And who else would have chosen to walk out at that moment. He was on the floor beating the shit out of the guy and had to be pulled off of him by two to three guys.
"Mace chill! You know that's how Richie is, chill."
"No, tell that muthafucker to get his ass back out here. What he mad cause I just fucked his girl."
And to say that I was crushed would have been an understatement. Not only had he just admitted to being unfaithful, he also had no qualms about it. And on the ride home I had questioned him about it.
"You have the fucking nerve to ask me what the hell I was doing? What the fuck were you doing with his tongue all up in your mouth!"
"I didn't ask him to kiss me and if you hadn't been kissing up on some girl maybe I wouldn't have been in that position in the first place!"
And before I could even see it coming, he had slapped me. That first hit was not something new to me as I was used to being hit by my father in his fits of rage but to have my boyfriend, the man I loved put his hands on me was just hurtful. I had cried right there in the car and wouldn't allow him to touch me.
"I'm sorry Stefan, I didn't mean it. You know I didn't mean it."
If the car was stationary I would have jumped out but as things were, the corner was my only refuge. He had run his hands through my hair and had so gently rubbed the side of my face, the same face that only moments before he had slapped. And as he pulled unto the sidewalk by my house and shut of the engine I tried to think of something to say that would convey to him the message that I didn't want to see him again.
"You hit me."
I whispered as he held my arm, preventing me from leaving. Turning on the overhead light he held my jaw and turned it towards the light.
"It's not that bad Stefan, it won't even leave a mark. And I told you I didn't mean it. I wouldn't purposely hit someone I loved."
And ironically, his declaration of love for me came at that time of uncertainty. He had kissed me gently on the lips and had apologized for his behavior at the party. And being the confused young kid that I was, craving for the attention of someone, anyone, I had forgiven him. And now ten years later, I was still shedding tears over him and still forgiving him not knowing if I was strong enough to say when enough was enough and to just walk away.
I had stayed with Chris for three nights and was offered the option to say longer but I knew sooner or later I would have to go home.
"Just take a day off from work and we'll go over there and get your stuff."
"I can't do that Chris. I can't just walk out and not tell him."
My brother obviously in disbelief shook his head,
"And why not. Because of all the respect he has shown you over the years or because of all the love that exist between the both of you? Which one?"
"You wouldn't understand Chris. You've been with Charlene for six months. I've been with Mace for ten years. Ten years! I can't just pretend like all of that didn't happen, I just can't."
"And what about your happiness Stefan? What about you? You can't stand there and tell me that you're happy. I know you're not happy. You may have been once but you're not happy now."
And even though a small part of me knew that what he was saying was true, the larger part of me refuted it.
"I love him Chris. That's all there is to it. I love him! And I know he loves me, he just has a harder time showing it."
"Whatever Stefan, keep on deluding yourself to believe whatever he tells you to believe. All I'm saying is that time away from him doesn't have to be a bad thing."
"I don't..."
"Just think about will you. Sleep on it and let me know tomorrow." I agreed and went to work that day feeling as If I had the weight of the world on my shoulders.
I hadn't been at my desk for more than five minutes before my phone started to ring. Thinking that it was Chris I was quick to answer,
"Good Morning, Pharmaceuticals Incorporated, Stefan Bradford speaking."
"I miss you."
I couldn't mistake the voice.
"Mace?"
"Yes. I know you're probably busy at work so I won't keep you. I just called to let you know that I love you and I'm sorry about what I did."
I had never heard him sound like that, so down in the dumps. And for the first time, I didn't know what to say.
"I know that you probably don't want to hear what I have to say and that you're fed up with all the..."
He paused, then continued,
"All the shit that I put you through. I wish I could show you how sorry I am."
I knew what he was asking of me. I knew where he wanted me and I wanted to be there with him but something held me back from giving in. It was at that moment I realized that I was actually scared to go home.
"Stefan, Stefan, Stefan!"
I snapped out of my thoughts realizing that someone was calling my name.
"Sorry Dave, I'm just...thinking."
"Yeah, I figured. You want to do this later?"
"No, I'm here now, we should probably get this done."
He shook his head and continued to thumb through the files he held in his hands. I knew that these files were of top priority and that Dave was probably doing most of the work but it seemed that the more I tried to concentrate, the less I actually did.
"You ok Stefan?"
"Yeah, why?"
"You just seem more distracted than usual, I'm worried about you."
"There's nothing to be worried about Dave. I'm just going through some things right now that I need to get sorted out."
"You want to talk about it?"
And even though the thought had crossed my mind, I didn't want to burden my problems on him or anyone else.
"No thanks. I just need to keep busy, get some work done. Everything will eventually work itself out."
"I hope so. This project is the biggest we've ever had and I don't think the boss will be too happy if we manage to fuck it up."
The agitation in his voice was as clear as crystal and I blamed myself once again for my present situation. I was on the verge of apologizing again when something or should I say someone caught my eye. Dave seemed to notice my lapse in attention and turned to look over his shoulder. He muttered something under his breath as we both noticed who it was. His presence alone commanded attention as he made his way through rows and rows of cubicles. And when he finally reached my desk I could do nothing but look up and up and up.
"Can I talk to you for a second."
And then looking over at Dave he bent and whispered into my ear,
"Alone."
I know I should have said no, told him I was busy or just simply told him to fuck off but I couldn't get either phrase to form into words. Dave must have noticed my sudden loss of words for he spoke up on my behalf,
"We're in the middle of something Mason. Maybe you could talk to Stefan when he goes on his lunch break."
I couldn't mistake the look that passed between them. Daves' said that he wouldn't be intimidated by Mason and I couldn't blame him for feeling that way. I knew for a fact that he could hold his own. Mace on the other hand was clenching and unclenching his fist, a sign I knew all too well that meant he was this close to losing it. And I was glad for the interruption when my phone rang.
"Good Morning, Pharmaceuticals Incorporated, Stefan Bradford speaking."
"Hey Stefan, just calling to give you a heads up that your...boyfriend is looking for you."
"I know, he's here."
"Are you going to be ok?"
"Yes Chris, I'll be fine."
And knowing me all too well he asked,
"Will you be back tonight?"
"I don't know."
He sighed then quickly ended the conversation telling me that if I needed a place to stay, his door was always opened. It seemed as if everyone was getting annoyed with my indecision including myself. I turned my attention back to Dave and Mason.
"Mace I've got a lot of work today so I can't talk long."
"I understand, it'll take less than five minutes, I promise. Just give me five minutes of your time, that's all I'm asking."
And much to Dave's disapproval, I excused myself and took a much needed cigarette break.
His scent alone was enough to drive me wild and while I was still seething from what he had done to me, I had to admit that I had missed him terribly. I missed him holding me, touching me, tasting me and loving me. I missed being with him all together and I asked myself not for the first time, how in the hell could I let this man go.
He must have sensed my indisposition for he kept his distance, instead choosing to adorn the wall opposite me.
"This has been the hardest three days of my life Stefan. Not being able to see you and touch you, not knowing if you were ok. And I know that you had the right to do what you did. I was wrong to do what I did and I'll..."
"Never do it again. I know the drill Mason. Jesus Christ! Don't you fucking see how much I love you? I would do anything you wanted me to and it's never enough. It's like the harder I try to please you, the more you, the more you do what you do."
I couldn't even bring myself to use the word abuse. The cigarette in my hand fell to the ground due to shaking and it was as if I were experiencing multiple chills.
"I know Stefan, I know. I don't know why I do those things to you, I really want to stop but...I can't help myself."
And I had to look at him directly. He had never before admitted to having a problem and even though he hadn't come out and said it in so many words, it was what he meant.
"It's not you baby. I try so hard to just stay calm and then the slightest thing will just flip me off. I don't mean to hurt you but it seems that every time that's what I end up doing."
"I know you don't mean it but I can't live like this Mace. Everybody's looking at me as a coward. They say that cause I sit down and shut up and I HATE feeling that way. I put up with you because I love you and I don't want to lose you but I don't know how much more of this I can take. I...I..I don't deserve this."
"I know you don't. I promise I'll change..."
"Mace"
"No, this is not another empty promise Stefan, I promise I'll change but I can't do it on my own. I need you by my side every step of the way. I need your support, your encouragement. I need your love baby. And I know you have every reason to shut me out but please don't. Come home Stefan and I promise you that I will change. Whatever you need me to do I will do it. Anything it takes..."
And looking down at my watch I saw that his five minutes had long ago gone. And I knew that I had long ago made up my mind about Mace and I. And even though I still wasn't 100% sure it was the right one, I was willing to try.
PART THREE IS HERE AND I HAVE MADE THE CHANGES MANY OF YOU HAVE REQUESTED REGARDING THE FORMAT. HOPE THIS MAKES IT EASIER TO READ. DROP ME A LINE AND LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK. ENJOY!!!