To Thine Own Self Be True

This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man. Shakespeare (Hamlet)

Thanks to Chael for assistance in editing and proofing the story. This is wholly fictional with no reference intended to persons alive or dead.

Please do not distribute to other sites without permission of the author. Comments can be sent to firehosejoe@yahoo.com

From the previous chapter:

When he finished, Zach sat back, bringing his hand to his mouth. Crossing his lips with his forefinger, he slightly shook his head as a smile began to grow that soon spread across his face. Lowering his hand, he took a deep breath and sighed loudly.

"Perhaps we have more in common than I'd thought." His smile grew. "What do you say we get out of here and go back to my place?" Zach's question was met with a big smile from Alejandro, who reached for the check. Zach said, "I'll get this. You can buy me a drink later."

Chapter 30

Moments after Zach shoved some bills in the folder, they were back on the street heading toward his condo. With a smirk, Zach looked over and said, "So tell me about your favorite match at this Bears' Den."

"You just don't let up, do you?" Alejandro said with a straight face and dead level stare.

The immediate look of shock followed by dismay on Zach's face was pure theater. Alejandro laughed out loud. "Gotcha!"

"You bastard!" Zach fired back, laughing.

"I may have never known my Mother, but have it on good authority that I'm not a bastard," Alejandro rejoined with his own chuckle.

Zach rolled his eyes, smiled and shook his head. "Got me again. Now, tell me about some of the matches and guys you've wrestled."

As they walked, Alejandro told Zach in great detail of his first visit -- the sights, the matches, the smells and, of course, all about Nicco. With painstaking detail, he described both the man and the wrestling match.

"God, I'm so hard right now," Zach softly exclaimed.

Looking down, Alejandro saw Zach's hand was in his pocket. The evident bulge was not easily disguised.

With an attempt at a cowboy drawl, Alejandro said, "Some pistol you're packin' thar, Pahdner!"

"Glad I've got on dark slacks or the stain would be obvious," Zach said with a hint of chagrin. "Okay, I'm sure Nicco hasn't been the only one. Spill it!"

Alejandro told about his first match with Liam and the subsequent matches. "I knew I was over my head when I first laid eyes on the man, but couldn't help myself. I wanted to tie up with him in the worst way. It was only after several matches that I was willing to, um...ah, willing to go further."

They had reached the elevator in the building and were waiting. Zach turned and with a smile pressed him for the unspoken details.

"I've probably said enough for now." They stepped into the elevator and made their quick ascent to Zach's floor. Zach looked at him, wondering what was up.

Alejandro determined that it was Zach's turn to lay down some cards and kept silent. Soon they were inside. The offer of a seat and a snifter of Hine Triomphe Cognac was a cue for him to let the silence build.

Leveling his glance and letting a smile play at the corners of his lips, Alejandro said, "So, Zach, tell me of some of your experiences with men. What do you enjoy?"

The blush nearly exploded up Zach's neck and into his cheeks. His voice faltered and then he rushed on with the comment, "Ah, well, you know. Just stuff, occasionally. Nothing much to tell. Certainly nothing as exciting as your stories."

Alejandro held the gaze and waited. With a measured tone, he said, "No Zach, I don't know." After a pause, he added, "I'm interested in the stuff' and I imagine there's more than nothing' that you could tell." Then he smiled and waited.

Still blushing and trying to avoid Alejandro's eyes, Zach made several false starts as he began to respond. The story of the roughhousing with Ben and how it got him excited was the beginning. Soon it was as if a small dam had broken and Zach was telling of Ben's perpetual horniness and their wresting and Ben's teasing him about the obvious boners in Zach's briefs.

Zach's fingers played around his mouth, a sign of his nervousness and embarrassment. Alejandro interjected the innocuous comments of, "I know what you mean", "Yeah, me too" and the like, to keep Zach from feeling naked in his confession of how the playing had become intimate sharing that they both enjoyed and sought out.

"I was never under any illusion that Ben was gay. Yeah, he was bi to a degree but he enjoyed sex with his fiancée, let me tell you. He'd come back from weekends they'd spent together and talk for what seemed like hours about how much he loved her and how great she was in bed."

"But often as not, later in the same evening, we'd be watching TV and he'd start a pillow fight with the sofa cushions. We'd end up on the floor or sofa, him on top of me, both of us humping out a load.

"I truly believe he was blind to the irony of the situation. We were friends and that's what we did. I never asked what he'd done with other friends. I was satisfied with what I had at the moment and didn't question it."

Zach went on to tell of his prep school experimentation with boys and the antics in the dorm. More than `antics' Alejandro thought, but kept his peace. Alejandro could feel the pain in Zach's words. Whether he knew it or not, Zach had loved Ben. Losing him had torn a place from his heart. Alejandro let him talk and talk.

With eyes that were red from holding back tears, Zach looked up, shaking his head and said, "I guess that's it. I don't know what more I can say. I'm sorry I dumped on you like that. If you want to go, I'll call you a cab."

Setting his snifter on the table beside him, Alejandro stood and walked behind Zach. Gently he began to massage his shoulders as he told him briefly of his own experiences. He told him about how Frederick had helped him to find himself, to believe in himself and finally to risk being honest about himself.

Shuddering sighs passed through Zach's chest as he gave himself to the comfort Alejandro offered. Alejandro stopped and walked back to his chair. Lifting the snifter he intentionally changed the subject. "This was great. What was it? Brandy?"

It was just the thing to lighten the moment. Zach quickly warmed to his enthusiasm for the fine cognac. He insisted Alejandro have a bit more to taste as he described the warmth and subtle nuances of fungus, flower and tobacco. He waxed poetic as he described the roundness and lingering finish.

Fine brandies were way over Alejandro's head. Wines, he somewhat understood. This was perhaps not out of his league, but certainly not part of his culinary experience. He liked it and could see how someone could be so enthusiastic.

After he savored his last sip, Zach set the snifter down and said, "The night is still young -- unless you have a full day tomorrow."

"I'm free all day until the reception. You have anything in mind?"

With a wicked grin, Zach asked hesitatingly, "How much of the Frisco nightlife have you experienced?"

"An artist friend of mine, Charles, visited with me when I came for the last board meeting. He and I did a little exploring -- you know visited some clubs and got a feel for the night life." He laughed at his terminology immediately, "Well we got the occasional feel too. You know what I mean, don't you?"

Zach laughed. "Oh yeah. It was good you had a buddy. Sometimes it can get a little rough if you get off the beaten path. A lot of the bars and clubs have some real rough trade and I never go alone.

"Anything in particular you'd like to see or do?" Zach asked.

"Yes. You remember my telling you about Liam."

"A foocking stud by anyone's measurement," Zach said, mimicking the Irish brogue. They both laughed.

"Yeah, well, he told me of a wrestling club he's visited here. I want to look it up. You mind?"

"Not at all. Do you want to go back to your place to change or stay in these clothes. On Thursday night, things will be sort of slow and a pair of jeans will fit in most places. By the way, what is the address?" Zach asked.

Alejandro fished in his wallet for the note he'd made for himself. He told Zach the address Liam had given him. "You know where that is?"

"Not exactly, but the neighborhood, yes. It's not a place I'd go alone for sure. You want to scope out any other clubs or bars beforehand?" Zach offered.

"Maybe afterward. After visiting a place he suggested in New York, I've wanted to see this and other places he's recommended. Do you mind?"

"Heck no. Let's split."

They finally arrived in the neighborhood after a bit of a drive.

"I can't see addresses and I don't see the name anywhere. Let's park and walk some to see if we can find it," Zach said after they'd found the street. After half a block, Zach nudged Alejandro and pointed, "The Grapple Grotto -- that's not the name he gave you but I'll bet that's the place. What do you think?"

"Let's go and see," Alejandro said. They crossed the street after spotting the small lighted sign, pulled open the door and entered.

The bar area was half-full, the patrons watching matches in progress. There were four mat areas behind a four-foot barrier. The barkeeper half growled, "You guys drinking or paying the $10 cover?"

Zach, undaunted by the attitude, ratcheted down the tone but answered gruffly, "We'll have a couple of beers. How much?"

The barkeep laughed and said, "$20 bucks" as he pulled the draft handle that Zach had indicated.

Taking the beers, Zach nodded toward a table near the barrier where they could easily follow the action. Alejandro followed. A bell sounded and the matches stopped. Alejandro commented comparing the Grapple-Grotto and Bears' Den. Zach probed more about Alejandro's drive to wrestle.

After Zach had been so open, Alejandro didn't mind being candid about his matches and what had followed.

Guys came out of what appeared to be a dressing/shower area and took their places on the mats. Two were immediately adjacent to Zach and Alejandro. Zach's expression conveyed his excitement and anticipation. The bell sounded again and the guys tied up. Alejandro occasional gave commentary as one clearly dominated the other.

It was obviously a mismatch in skill, Alejandro thought. But it wasn't his business. He became concerned when the tougher competitor began to beat down his opponent with unnecessary violence. Zach's face was a mask of concern and fear for the guy being beaten. Alejandro looked across the room. He was the stranger here. Was this normal?

Suddenly there was a loud pop and the man getting beaten yelled out in obvious pain as he grabbed his elbow. His opponent reared up and dropped an elbow into the guy's gut as he groaned out his anguish from the injury to his elbow.

Without thinking, Alejandro leaned over the barrier and yelled, "Back off, Dude; he's hurt!"

"Mind your own fuckin' business!" the man snarled as he stood.

Alejandro and Zach watched, their faces masks of disbelief as the guy raised a foot and stomped into the lower abs of his opponent. The beaten man continued to groan out his pain. His elbow seemed somehow misaligned.

Stepping across the prone body, the wrestler reached down for the ankles of the other. Without thinking, Alejandro kicked off his loafers and in a split second was up, vaulting over the barrier. Grabbing the man standing, Alejandro pulled him off his opponent.

The wrestler spun and faced Alejandro. With a sound between a growl and a roar he lunged toward Alejandro.