Toby

Toby -- a boy of the 30's By Carson Carruthers

Life was not much fun for me in my younger years. I don't remember much about what was going on except that it was what people have called a hard life. When I think back upon it, I see everything in shades of sepia. You know, like those art films or old faded photographs. Things were a red-brown color that reflected from the red clay fields of the upper part of South Carolina. I am sure that in the 1930's everyone was having a hard time. After all, they called it "The Great Depression". I just guess that I had more to depress me than some folks. The earliest thing I remember was living out on a red dirt road on a red dirt farm just on the edge of town. Most of the land was stripped away leaving one deep gully after another. I was a small boy, so I feared dropping into one of the gullies and never being able to get out.

My mother was a sickly woman. She spent most of her time in bed under quilts that always smelled horrid. I hated to have to kiss her good night because of the horrible smell of her breath and the bedding. I loved her, but really hated the way she smelled. As I grew older I was given more and more chores to do since she could not do even for herself. My father, I found out early on, was worthless when it came to doing around a house or a sick person. He spent his days in town doing whatever he could find to do to make a living for the three of us. That was not much of a living although at the time I had nothing to compare it to other than other poor neighbors and relatives. Everyone was in the same boat. We were all poor.

There were some things that we had that other folk thought were luxuries. My father had a car. He said that in his business a car was necessary. I did not understand until later that if you were hauling moonshine then a car was a necessary part of your life. When he was home, he always got up and took me to school and then picked me up afterwards. There were no school buses. I had to walk on the days when he was not there to take me. It was over a mile. Most children did walk to school. Because he needed me to be at home with my mother and to take care of the house, I had the luxury of a ride to and from school. There was one other luxury we had at home. It was a beautiful Philco radio and electricity so we could play it. The radio was as tall as I was and had a light behind the yellow dial. We had an outside toilet. I had to boil the clothes in an iron wash pot. I swept and mopped the cracked linoleum rugs in the kitchen and dining room. There were cracks between the two wide boards that served as a front door that I had to stuff with pages from the Sears and Roebuck catalog in the winter time. My overhauls were hand-me-downs from my cousins. All those things were not important when I could sit for a few minutes in the afternoon and listen to "Pepper Young's Family" and "Stella Dallas" with my mother. At nights we listened to Bob Hope and Jack Benny, and I liked the mystery stories - "The Shadow", and "Lights Out". Boris Karloff would make my skin crawl with his voice. I listened to the Lux Radio Theater and Mercury Theater On the Air because they put on dramas. I did not especially like the stories and some of them I really did not understand since I was only seven or eight, but I knew that I wanted to live like those people did. I wanted to dance and drink cocktails and listen to big bands and wear a tuxedo. I might not have had anything to cook that night but fatback and gravy for our dinner, but we could escape it all through the magic of that wonderful radio. After my mother would doze off, I would lie on my cot and listen to the big bands in New York or Philadelphia and dream.

I knew that other boys my age were not cooking and doing all the chores that I did. It did not bother me, because I knew that if my mother ever got well I would not have to do them either. We usually had plenty to eat. My mother's sister and her mother, Mrs. Rose, sent meals once or twice a week. There were relatives who were always bringing by pies or cakes that they had cooked. One of my mother's cousins brought eggs each week. Another cousin would leave a gallon of buttermilk and one of sweet milk and a pound of butter on the side of the road for my father to pick up every Thursday. I learned to make biscuits. I could fry meat and boil vegetables. Most of the money my father made went to buy the medicine and pay the doctor who came to see my mother. There were no frills. I wore clothes handed down from my cousin Jerry who was two years older than I was. He was growing and getting pretty big so the clothes were usually pretty loose fitting on me. Mostly, I got faded overhauls. They may have had tears in them but Aunt Elizabeth mended them before she brought them to me. I wore those most of the time with no underwear. I only had two pair of underwear that fit me. I had a couple of pair of home made drawers which were pretty loose since they were ones that Jerry had outgrown.

If it was summer time, I just went naked under the overhauls. My little peepee would get hard and rub on the soft material when I would walk. Once when I was climbing the chinaberry tree in the back yard, I stretched out on it. My peepee was hard and I rubbed it up and down through the cloth on the limb. It felt really good as I humped the limb. I spent a lot of time in that chinaberry tree the summer before I turned nine.

My birthday was in September. It seemed that everything in my life that was really important happened right around my birthday. I don't think it was because I was egotistical but that is the way things just seemed to happen. It was the week after my ninth birthday that my mother died. I woke up and felt like something was wrong. My daddy was asleep on the couch in the living room. Since Mama had been sick so much, he had been sleeping in there so she could get some rest. It was not even daylight. I turned on the lamp on the dining room table and went in to wake him up. I had to get ready to go to school. I would have to fix breakfast first. We had an oil range, and I needed him to fill the tank for me. We got oil in a twenty-gallon can that had a spout on it. When it was full, it was too heavy for me to lift and pour into the tank on the stove. I shook him on the shoulder, and he moaned. He was groggy. "What's the matter?" he asked me.

"I need oil in the stove tank and the can's 'most full so's I can't lift it."

"Give me a minute. Is yor Mama 'wake, yit?"

"I don't think so. I ain't heard her."

My daddy got up from the couch, throwing the quilt off him. He was a good looking man. Tall and thin. He had black wavy hair that he wore comb straight back with a part in the middle. He was only twenty-seven years old. He was a young man, but I thought to myself how old he looked that morning. I could see his long cock and his low hanging balls lying between his legs on the couch as he got his drawers from the floor to put back on. He stood up and pulled them up to his waist. He was circumcised, but it looked like there was a lot of loose skin on his cock. He stretched and grabbed his pants and shoes. He was putting them on as I slipped out the back door to go take my morning piss. He was coming out the door when I started back toward the house. I had not gone to the privy but just to the edge of the yard. He met me and told me to wait for him on the doorsteps. I ran through my mind trying to remember if I had done something wrong. I could not think of anything. After he had relieved himself at the edge of the yard, he came back and sat on the step beside me. He put his arm around my shoulder. That was the first and only time that I ever remember him touching me.

"Your Mama's dead, son."

I looked at him sort of not believing him but knowing that he was telling the truth. There were tears in his eyes. I did not cry. She had told me that when it happened she was ready for it and was going to heaven. I knew that she was better off. This past summer she had suffered a lot. The pain medicine had stopped working. She would try to be happy when Daddy came home, but I watched her as she got worse and cried in the afternoons because the pain was so bad that she could not stand it.

"She's better off. At leas' she won't be'n no pain no more," I said as I laid my hand on his leg and looked up into his eyes. He took a handkerchief out and blew his nose.

"Well, I guess I better go get Mrs. Rose. She'll know what to do." He got up and went around the house. "You can wait out here if you want to but people ought to be coming soon." He got in the car and headed for town. I was left there with no breakfast and my mother dead in the house. I thought about it, and decided that I wanted breakfast. I went inside and made a purpose of not going into her room, but I went ahead and cooked me a couple of slices of fat back, made some milk gravy and a pan of biscuits. I thought about my Mama lying there dead. I did not cry. I knew people cried when people died, but I did not feel like crying. I was angry that God took her. That was what I was thinking when Daddy came back in with Mrs. Rose. It was not long after that and the house was full of people and the morticians came and took her body.

Mrs. Rose, who was my mother's mother, came and took charge of everything. She would ask me where things were, but when I started trying to do things she made me sit down. Neighbor women came in with food. The next day they brought the casket and the flowers to the house. Relatives and neighbors came and went. Someone was there all the time. Daddy mostly sat on the front porch with the men. Mrs. Rose and Aunt Elizabeth and most of the women were in the kitchen. Mama was in the casket and I sat on the couch all afternoon. It was just like we spent most afternoons except we did not listen to the soap operas. The funeral was the next day. I kissed my mother good bye. It was a cold, waxy kiss, and one that I would remember the rest of my life. They had the funeral at the ARP church where Mrs. Rose went since my folks and I did not go to church. There were lots of flowers. The hardest part was knowing that I would never see my Mama again. I tried hard to remember what she looked like, so that I would not forget her.

Another thing happened that was important in my life right then. After the funeral, I went home with Aunt Elizabeth. First, we went by our house, and I took off my new suit that Daddy had bought me for the funeral. I hung it up in the closet along with the new shirt, tie and shoes. We all got something to eat, and Daddy insisted that Aunt Elizabeth take a lot of the food home with her. Since he was the only one with a car, he took Aunt Elizabeth and Uncle Walter and their children and me over to their farm. I was going to spend the night there. Jerry and the rest of the children had to go to school the next day, but I did not have to go back until the following Monday. My father left and told me that he would be back the next day to pick me up. He said he thought that I would not be so sad and miss my mother as much if I did not have to stay at the house by myself while he did a lot of running around. I had never stayed away from home. I had never had anyone spend the night with me. Other than my father I had never seen another man or boy naked. After the children had finished their chores, they got ready to go to bed. I was to sleep with Jerry since he and I were the closest in age. He was eleven going on twelve and I had just turned nine. The next closest was a boy who was fifteen. There were girls of all ages it seemed.

We washed up in a tin pan in the kitchen. I cleaned my privates. Jerry was watching me. Then he did the same. He said he wanted to make sure that his poop chute was clean as he was washing out his ass. We both laughed about what he had said. I thought that I would have to remember to call it a "poop chute". That was funny. That was when I saw his peepee. It was about five times as big around as mine but it did not appear to be any longer. But his was fatter than mine. The other thing was that his peepee was hard. I could tell. I did not have any hair. That was the other thing that I noticed. He had a wisp of hair above his peepee. After he washed his groin, he took his peepee between his finger and thumb and started jerking it up and down. I watched wide eyed as he did that and then he shook it right at me. I broke up laughing.

"Hurry up and wash. We gotta get'n the bed," Jerry told me.

I turned away from him as I washed my groin and pulled up my new drawers. They were boxers. I had wanted briefs but they were more expensive so I took the white cotton drawers. I dried my peepee off and between my legs. I could feel Jerry trying to see, but I made sure that I was all buttoned up before I turned back around. "I'm ready," I told him, indicating that I was ready for bed.

"You look like you're ready," Jerry said, grabbing for my peepee, which had gotten hard and was now pushing out my drawers.

Aunt Elizabeth called to us from the front room, "You, boys, get through bathing and get'n the bed right now."

"Yes'm," Jerry and I both said in unison.

I followed Jerry upstairs to the room he shared with Drayton, the fifteen year old brother. Drayton was already in bed, and he was snoring really loudly.

"Damned, Drayton, turn over! You sound like a freight train comin' through har." Jerry pushed Drayton so that he would turn over on his side. When Drayton turned over on his back his peepee flopped out of his drawers.

I pointed at it and snickered. I was fascinated. It must have been twice as big as Jerry's fat dick and looked like a long hose flopping there in the air.

"Yeah. Old Drayton ain't got much sense, but he shores has a hel'va peter on 'im," Jerry whispered to me as we climbed into his bed.

I stretched out for the first time since early in the morning. Realizing how tired I really was, I thought that I would probably be jumping like my body did sometimes when I finally relaxed enough to go to sleep. The first time that happened it really scared me. I put my arm under my pillow and lay my head on it. I jumped. Jerry was pulling on my peepee through my drawers. He laid his head next to mine and whispered really quietly, "Do you jack off?"

I turned where my face was right next to his. "Huh? What's 'at?"

"You don't know 'bout jacking off? You pretty dumb, boy." Jerry giggled. "Here, I'll show you. I caught Drayton doing it wuz how I larned."

He took my peepee out and started pulling on it with his finger and thumb. "Now, let's see if'n you can do it."

I took my own peepee and started going up and down on it with my fingers like Jerry had been doing. This felt even better than humping the tree limb and this way you could do it inside.

Jerry was watching me with his head under the covers. "You doin' it. That's the way. I don't guess you can cum yet. You don't have no hair."

"What's cum?" I asked.

"When you get as old as me, thar's 'is white stuff that shoots out of yer peter and hits what goes in a woman to make 'er have babies. You know about fucking don't you?"

I was beginning to realize that there were lots of things that I had not even heard about much less knew anything about. "I hate being stupid, but I never heard any of this. You sure you know what you talkin' 'bout?" I asked Jerry. I was still "jacking my peter", as he called it.

"Hey. I ain't lying 'bout none of this. Drayton told me most of hit. If'n it ain't true then hit his fault. Then we been talkin' about 'mong the guys at school. Fuckin' is when a man puts his peter up a woman's pussy. Then he just pushes it in and pulls it out until he shoots his cum up in her. Drayton says it's 'bout the best feeling 'n the world."

"Does Drayton fuck anybody?" I was incredulous. Drayton did not seem to be old enough to be out fucking.

"Naw. He ain't been fuckin'. Mostly you gotta be married to get a girl to do hit. But he knows this boy that got his cousin to give it to him. Said she sucked his peter too."

"That's gross. She put it in her mouth and sucked on it?" I could not believe that anyone could be so depraved.

"Yeah. It's called a 'blow job' but you don't blow, you suck. If you want to I'll suck yours if'n you suck mine."

"You gotta be crazy, Jerry. That's nasty putting your peepee in someone's mouth. I ain't ever gonna do that," I said in all innocence.

"Well, Drayton and me've done it a couple of times and it feels soooo good."

I guess we were starting to get too loud or had mumbled too long 'cause Aunt Elizabeth called up the stairs that she would tan our hides if we did not shut up and go to sleep. I really did not want to get a whipping. I had been witness to her when she switched Jerry a couple of time. I even saw her switch big old Drayton. I put my hard peter in my drawers and closed my eyes. Jerry got really quiet and still also. It was not but a few minutes and I was sound asleep.

My daddy came and picked me up about lunch time. Aunt Elizabeth insisted that we eat since she still had all that food that the women from the churches and the neighbors had brought in. When we got back home, he took some boxes and a few brown card cardboard boxes from the car to the house. Once we were inside, he told me to sit at the kitchen table with him. "Son, you know that since your Mama's died and I have to be gone so much of the time, we think it would be better if you went and lived with Mrs. Rose. She and I talked about it, and she said that she wanted you to stay here with her. I may just go on back to Tennessee for a while since there ain't that much business here. With the legalized liquor now, I could probably make a better living back there with my brothers." That was the only time that I had ever heard him admit to what he did for a living.

"But, Daddy, can't we just stay here like we been doing? I been keeping the house and cookin' for you anyway. I could still do that."

"I know, Toby, but the thing is I can't just leave you here by yourself all the time. It won't'n be right. 'Sides, you will have a good time living in town. You'll have a chance to make friends and not have to do all the work. It'll give you more time to work on your schooling. I want you to graduate. You're smart and all. You need an education, so you don't end up like me."

I had thought about moving to town. I did want to graduate high school. I would be the only one in the family to do so. My Mama had made me promise her that I would. There were lots to be said for going to live with Mrs. Rose. She lived in a big old house and took in boarding female school teachers during school term. I would surely have enough educated people around to talk to, I thought. The thing was I hated losing my Daddy. I had just lost my Mama and now this. I worried about him not being able to take care of his self. "If I go to live with Mrs. Rose, who's gonna tak' care of you?" I asked him.

"You need'n worry 'bout me. I can take care of myself, and if I do go back home ther'll be people to cook and wash fer me there. I ain't gonna lie to you, son. I can't stand to stay around here since she's gone. I know I am goin' back to Tennessee. I know it looks like I am just puttin' you off 'n Mrs. Rose 'cause I don't want you. That ain't it at all. It's hard times. I know that if you with Mrs. Rose ther'll always be someone gonna take care of you. You gonna have what you need. If you go with me, I could not promise you that I could always feed the both of us. People back home is havin' hard times too, you know."

"Are you ever coming back?" I asked him.

"Yeah. I'll come back to see you. I told Mrs. Rose that I would send her postal money orders when I had extra money that she can use to buy you what you need. I wanta do right by you, boy, but I don't know what else to do." He put his head in his hands and just set there looking like a pitiful old man. His shoulders were slumped over.

"Daddy, if this is what you think's best for both of us, then I'll do it. I know you would keep me if you thought that you could. I'll worry about you though." I rubbed the back of his hands with the palms of mine. "Promise me one thing."

"What's that?" he asked looking up at me with moist eyes.

"I know you can't do much writing, but find some body there that can and have 'em write to me so I know you're okay. When I get the letter from 'em, I will send you one 'bout how I am. You promise?"

"Okay, your uncle Thad ought to have one of his kids that can write. They been goin' t' school in Johnson City. I know what Mrs. Rose's address is. Number Three Elm Street. I'll make sure. Now take these boxes and put all the clothes you gonna carry to Mrs. Rose's in them. She and Corinda are cleaning out that back room behind the kitchen pantry for you this afternoon. We're supposed to eat supper there."

I packed everything that I had in the boxes neatly as I could. There was only enough for two of the boxes. I did not want to put my new suit into the box since it would be wrinkled. I took a couple of old newspapers and pinned them together and hung them over my suit while it was still on the hanger. That way it would not get dirty in the car. I really did not have a lot. Those few clothes, my new funeral suit and a Bible that Mrs. Rose gave for my birthday a couple of years ago. I had read some of it. There were some places in it where I imagined that the speaker sounded a lot like Boris Karloff, and I would get goose pimples just like I did when I heard him announcing on "Lights Out".

I went back into the kitchen. Daddy was sitting there at the table. "Do you want something else to eat? All this stuff is going to go bad if somebody don't eat it," he said to me.

"I'm not hungry." But I opened the door on the ice box to see what was there. It was cool inside but not very cold. No one had thought to put ice in it. I looked under the flap door in front and sure enough the pan was over-flowing with water. "I guess we better get some ice when you take me into town. I can't lift this pan out without spilling it everywhere."

Daddy got up and took the pan out and threw the water out the back door. "How 'bout packing all the food up. I probably 'll just go on to Tennessee t'night. We'll take the food to Elizabeth, and she can make sure'n the people get their dishes back."

I got one of the cardboard boxes and started packing everything in it. "What we going to do with the bed 'n the table?" I asked him.

"Well, we goin' to take the table into town for you to use to study on in your room. I already measured and it fits. Pretty big to be using to study but Mrs. Rose don't want nobody studying at her table. I can put that on the top of the car and take it in. The rest of it your Uncle Walter is going to get a truck and carry over to Mrs. Rose's house and put it in the shed out back. Is there anything else you want for your room? There's already a bed in there for you, so you don't have to sleep on the cot."

"What you gonna do with the radio?"

"I figured that you'd want that. You and your ma loved to listen to that thing. I already put it in the trunk of the car to take for you, and I talked to Mrs. Rose about it. She said it would be okay but fer you not to play it too loud and to keep it off when you wouldn't in yor room. You don't wanna raise up her 'lectric bill. Go on in your mama's room and look around for anything that you wanna keep. I took some pictures, but there's a box of 'em on the bed. If you want 'em, take 'em with you."

"I guess I'm finished then. I gotta go to the privy and then I'll look 'bout Mama's things."

I walked across the yard to the privy. It was not well made like some folks'. There were open cracks between the boards like it was put together by a carpenter that did not know what he was doing. In the summer it was fine because there was a breeze through it, but in the winter time it was awful to have to pull your pants down and sit your naked ass down on that icy wood and feel the sting of the cold wind biting into your flesh. I sat there doing my business. I was thinking about what happened the night before with Jerry. I noticed that my peter was getting hard. I leaned back against the wall in the summer shade and started pulling on my peter like he showed me. It felt really good. I thought about what he had said about sucking on his cock. I thought to myself that it sounded really disgusting, but it might not be so bad to have someone do that to me. Mostly I though about that long peter hanging out of Drayton's underwear. I got faster and when it started to tingle I just kept going. It felt like I was going to pee. I bucked back against the wall and dug my toes into the soft cool earth of the privy floor. It was like I was jutting my whole peter and balls up so that it would shoot like Jerry talked about. I know I must have moaned when it hit the highest place it would go. Then it subsided, and I came back down to earth. I looked in my hand, and there was no cum there. I wondered how long until that happened. I did not care. What just happened was the best yet. I needed to spend the night with Jerry again. I wiped up as good as I could with pages from the catalog. I thought that it was about time for a new Sears catalog. I had just about used up all the soft pages. I thought might as well use the few remaining ones since this was the last time I would ever use this privy.

I took the box of pictures and a couple of brushes my mother used for her hair. I always used them too since I did not have my own. I went through her drawers and found a locket she said that her grandmother gave her before she died. I put that in my pocket. There was nothing else much in there except a big old dictionary which she had bought from a traveling salesman and a book of children's Bible stories that Mrs. Rose gave me one Christmas. Mama had read those to me when I was little; I read them to her earlier in the summer when there was nothing on the radio but baseball. She did not like to listen to baseball and neither did I. If the story was really fierce, I tried to make my voice sound like Boris Karloff. Mama would laugh when I tried to sound like a woman reading the women's parts. It was good that I could make her laugh. It seemed so unreal that she was not lying there on the bed

Living with Mrs. Rose was not easy. She was not mean. It was that she had her ways and, to her, it was her way or no way. Mostly, I just learned to stay out of her way. The first night that my daddy took me there she laid down some simple rules. As long as I did what I was told, kept wood for the kitchen stove brought in the house, fed the pigs each night with the slops from the table and took care of my own room then things would go smoothly. There was nothing said about doing well in school or going to church or any of that sort of thing. I knew that my Daddy would let Mrs. Rose have her way about most things, but what was surprising was that he told her that night not to make me go to church. Mrs. Rose went to the Association of Reformed Presbyterians where most all the LaBords went. They were pretty strait laced. Daddy said that when I was ready I could decide when and where I wanted to go on my own. Daddy said that he would send money if he had it. Mrs. Rose said that whatever he sent would be put up for me. Daddy left. Things settled into a routine. I did what I was expected. Sometimes if I tried to do more, I got in trouble. I learned to never go into the main part of the house where the teachers lived. The only time that I saw them was when they were leaving for school in the morning. Sometimes we would be walking to school at the same time. I tried even to avoid that since they felt like they had to talk to me when it happened. School was much the same only it was closer, and I walked every day now. This went on that school year. I had a letter and a Christmas card from my Daddy. I could tell that my cousin wrote the note even if it had not said that he did at the end. He sent me a money order for five dollars and told me to buy some clothes. I wrote back to the return address, but never heard back from the cousin. The summer came. I spent most of the time reading books from the Timrod Library. There was a porch swing on the front porch. It was my place where I laid and read my books. The winter came and another school year just like the past one. I got another card and another letter at Christmas. This one did not have any money order. Daddy said that he was lucky to have money to buy the stamp. I could understand that Hoover days were really hurting the people in Tennessee.

It was the next summer that my life changed drastically. School normally lasted up through May. A lot of the students that lived out on farms never started until after the cotton was picked in September. Some of the older ones did not start until it was almost Halloween if they had to help with the hay. During the time that school was in session, Mrs. Rose had the single female school teachers staying at her house. Each one had a room. Each one paid a certain amount each month from their paycheck for their room and board. Then, the last month of my sixth grade year, the school board ran out of money, closed the schools and sent the teachers and the students home. The loss of income for that month was something of a catastrophe to Mrs. Rose's financial situation. She had money from Tommy's insurance left. That was her husband, my grandfather, who had died when my mother was a child. He had substantial insurance, which she took in gold coin and then hid. No one knew that she had done such a thing, but when the banks closed Mrs. Rose was a very rich woman although no one knew it until years later.

The thing was that Mrs. Rose never let on that she had that money, and pretended to be as poor as a church mouse. Because the teachers left her without that income and to insure that no one suspected that she had any money hidden, she sent me to spend the summer with my Aunt Elizabeth, so I could work on the farm.

In the two years since my mother died, I had not spent the night outside Mrs. Rose's house. Jerry and I had asked her to allow me to spend a weekend with them or a week in the summer, but she had said no to each of our requests. I think she thought that one more mouth for Aunt Elizabeth to feed would be too much for her. Jerry and I were afraid to do anything at her house since we had no place to hide. We tried to get into the shed but there was a padlock on that door, and the garage was locked with a heavy plank that the two of us could not lift. The only sex I had during those two years was my own masturbation at night. I had fantasized about doing it with Jerry, or with a guy whose father ran the barber shop, and the brother of my friend Dixie who lived down the street from Mrs. Rose. The brother's name was Allan Lewis. He had long dirty-blond hair and these piercing blue eyes that sparkled like a baby doll's glass. He was a couple of years older than we were, and I thought that he was a god. He looked like he was tanned even in the wintertime. He would hold me down and make me take it in my mouth. Mostly, I would fantasize about Drayton's monster. I pretended that his peter could talk, and it would command me to do things. I would fantasize about the peter making me get naked and forcing me to take it into my mouth and then making me suck on it. I did not know that we often got what we asked for in our dreams.

Uncle Walter picked me up on Saturday after school was officially closed the last day of the month. I had most of my summer clothes with me in a brown cardboard box. It was the same one that I had used to carry my stuff to Mrs. Rose's two years before. Nothing was ever thrown away. I had mostly shirts and overhauls that Jerry had outgrown the year before and a pair of blue jeans that I bought with the money my Daddy sent me. The jeans were real short on me since I had grown. It seemed sort of strange that I was taking the clothes back to where they had come from. I put my box in the wagon and climbed onto the plank seat with Uncle Walter, who picked up the reins, spoke to the horse and then flicked the reins on the horse's back. We started off slowly and proceeded at the same pace the entire way out to their farm. The whole time I was watching the fields go by, I was thinking about the possibility of lying in bed playing with Jerry's peter while he played with mine. I knew that mine had grown about twice the size it was when he saw it last. I wondered what his would look like and how big it was. My cock was hard, and the tip of it rubbed against the soft fabric of the worn overhauls. It felt good. The sun was hot, but the movement of the wagon made a soft breeze which cooled my naked body inside my overhauls. I loved to feel so free dressed with just the loose fitting overhauls with the sides opened. I never buttoned the side buttons. I wondered if Drayton's peter was any bigger. His peter sounded just like Boris Karloff when it talked in my imagination. I just sat there grinning and swaying with the wagon. I guess Uncle Walter must have thought that I had taken leave of my senses the way I was just grinning. He never spoke the entire way to the farm. I think he was napping a little while we were riding but I was not worried since the horse probably knew where it was going anyway.

When we got there Aunt Elizabeth hugged me and kissed me. I thought that was pretty icky, but she was my Mama's sister. Then she told me to put my box upstairs in Jerry's room and that I would be sleeping with him. Nothing could make me happier. I folded up my clothes and set them up on the shelf with Jerry's clothes. When I got back downstairs, there was a lot of shouting and hollering going on in the yard. I went out on the back porch. The whole family was there. Drayton was holding up this really long black snake. It had lots of humps in its body. Aunt Elizabeth said that she figured that those were her eggs in those humps. Jerry came up from the barn with a hoe. "Here, Drayton, open one of 'em humps up n' see what in 'er." He handed the hoe to Drayton. Drayton cut into the skin of the snake. The striking hoe made a clanking sound. It took a couple of times, but it finally opened. There was a white ceramic cold cream jar inside. I knew what it was since my mother had used it on her face when she was sick. Pond's Cold Cream. Aunt Elizabeth laughed and said, "That snake was trying to get a facial. I put those jars in the hen's nest to keep the snakes outt'a the eggs. Guess hit didn't work." I was standing over close to Drayton while he was chopping on the snake. I could see inside his overhauls when he was straining to hold the snake and chop at the same time. It looked like it was bigger and just like a snake hanging between his legs. I thought that he must have the biggest snake I had ever seen. It looked bigger than my Daddy's. Drayton saw me looking at it and winked. I know that I must have blushed.

We ate dinner, and the boys were told to bring water in so that it could be heated on the stove. It was Saturday night and everyone was going to have a bath. Since I had a bath most nights while I lived with Mrs. Rose I had already had a bath the night before and was excused from the weekly bathing. I thought about how it would be a good time for me to get another glimpse of Drayton's peter. I could not remember ever regretting not getting a bath but this was one time I would not have minded. I was told to go on upstairs to the boys' room since the girls would be taking their baths first. Drayton and Jerry seemed to be bathing somewhere else. They came climbing in the window naked in about a half hour.

"How'd y'all do that?" I asked.

"Do what?"

"Come up on the roof and through the window?"

"We come on up on the back porch and git on th' rail and pull ourselfs up on the roof. You gotta be careful 'at you don't get cut on the tin. Then we jist walk on over and come in the winder," Jerry explained.

"Where'd y'all bathe?" I asked.

"We filled up the big tub out 'n the shed this morning and left it out 'n th' sun. It was real hot. We had to dump 'nother cold bucket in hit to cool hit down. If'n you help us draw th' water and fill up the tub in the mornin' on Sar'dy, you can wash with us."

"How off'n you bathe?" I asked them. Jerry was doing all the talking. Drayton was quiet. He was looking through the shelf for some drawers. Jerry just sat there on the side of the bed with me with no clothes on. He was not embarrassed at all. I was thinking about the fact that I was going to have to take my clothes off in front of him and Drayton. Both of them had peters that were still a lot bigger than mine.

"We some times just wash up but the only time we get a soakin' is when we go to the creek or on a Sar'dy."

Drayton moved over between the two beds where we were sitting. The moon was shining, and I could see his peter hanging down over his low hanging balls. I just could not take my eyes off of it. Drayton stood there right in front of me and started stroking it. It was growing bigger and bigger.

"That's 'bout big as 'at old black snake ain't hit?" Jerry laughed and reached over and rubbed where my hard peter was almost poking through the material of my overhauls.

"Drayton told me he caught you lookin' 'n his 'er overhauls."

Drayton was grunting and moaning. He grabbed my head and pulled it toward his peter. I was caught off guard, and when I opened my mouth to protest he stuffed his uncircumcised prick into my mouth. Then with his hands on either side of my head he started to face fuck me with what I thought was a gigantic cock. In reality it was only just over six inches but it was fat. Drayton continued to groan. I was trying to get away without making much racket. I did not want to suck his cock, but I did not want us to get caught, either.

Jerry was busy while I was having my face fucked. He took all my clothes off. There was not much to take off, just the overhauls. We all went barefoot as soon as the ground was warm enough. Jerry was kneeling in front of me with my little peter in his mouth. It was great. I had never felt anything that felt so good. I started concentrating on sucking on Drayton like Jerry was doing to me. Just then Aunt Elizabeth called from the bottom of the stairs. "You boys quite down, har' me. I don't wanna have t'come up 'ar." I froze.

Jerry whispered, "Don't worry, she ain't comin'. She says the same thang ever night. Hit don't matter none what we doin'." He immediately went back to sucking. Drayton was now caressing my hair with his hands. He was running his fingers over my face as I sucked him. It felt like his peter was getting bigger and then without any warning, he shot his huge load of cum in my mouth. I started to gag. I wanted to spit it out, but Jerry held me down. If I threw up it would go in Jerry's hair. I knew that he would beat hell out of me if I did. Drayton held my head so that I had to swallow. Once I did, he eased his hold on me and pulled my face against his hard stomach. He rubbed my face and then bent over and did something that pushed me across the line. He kissed me. He licked my lips with his tongue and then pushed his tongue into my mouth. I had heard of French kissing in school, but I had never thought about two boys doing it. I shot my load into Jerry's mouth. He had no problem with swallowing what little I had to offer. That was the first time that white stuff ever came out of my peter. It felt really good.

Jerry crawled in the bed and then he pulled me away from Drayton. "C'mon. I need you t' git me off now." He stretched out on the bed on his back. I did not have to be told what to do. I guess by that point I knew that I was going to be sucking cock the rest of the summer at least. I lay my head on his lower stomach and pulled his five inches into my mouth. I ran my tongue around the edge of his cock. He was circumcised just like I was. That was something else I wondered about. Why the two of us were circumcised and Drayton was not? It did not take but a few up and down motions of my head and Jerry blew his load into my mouth. He held his hand at the back of my head to keep me from pulling away as he shot his load. It was not nearly the amount that I had swallowed from Drayton's fountain. Jerry pulled me by the shoulders until we were lying face to face. He pulled the sheet over us. There was a cool breeze blowing through the room. I rolled over so that I could see Drayton. He was already snoring, lying on his back in the other bed. Jerry put his hand on my hip and that was the last thing that I remembered.

It was still dark when I woke up. "C'mon. We gotta feed and milk. Then get the horses hooked up t' the wagin."

"Why?" I asked rubbing my eyes trying to wake up.

"Ma and the girls ride in the wagin to church on Sund'y." Drayton said quietly. "We'll walk."

"But I don't have to go to church," I said as I tried to lie back down.

Drayton pulled me up and onto my feet. "Well, when you live here, you have to go to church on Sund'y. You'll like it. I'll make sure a t'at."

That was the most I had ever heard Drayton say. He usually just grunted or moaned or nodded. Even when Mrs. Rose talked to him he only had said "yes'm" and "no'm." I figured that if Drayton wanted me to go and promised that I would like it who was I not to go along. We went about getting the cows fed. Jerry was good at milking and did all of it. I helped Drayton get the horses fed and then bring the one bigger horse around to hitch to the wagon. He led the horse out and tied it to the big oak in the front yard. We then went inside and Aunt Elizabeth had breakfast ready. It was a huge breakfast. We had biscuits and milk gravy, butter and jelly, and scrambled eggs and streaked meat. I ate until I thought that I would burst. I had to go to the privy before we were going to leave. Drayton went out with me.

This privy was well built. There were no cracks between the planks. It actually had two holes and they had wooden covers over them. Everything was clean. No spider webs anywhere. And there was a box attached to the wall where they kept their catalog. It was impressive and nobody could see in when you were doing your things. I thought this must be 'cause of the women. As I was sitting there, Drayton was standing outside the door but I could not see him.

"You want to come in 'n sit?" I asked him.

"Naw. It was this is whar I found that ole black snake. I was afeared that thar might'n be a nutter'n down h'ar. Didn't want you to git scared."

"Drayton, I really do 'preciate you lookin' out fer me," I said with all sincerity. "I ain't had nobody ever do 'at. I really love you."

"I love you, too." He opened the wooden door and leaned in and kissed me again the way he had done last night. My cock was hard again. "Whew! You stink." He laughed and closed his nose between his fingers and slammed the door.

Drayton was almost seventeen that summer. As Jerry said about him, he was not the sharpest knife in the drawer. I laughed about it, but I would have killed anyone else that laughed at him. In my book after that Sunday morning, Drayton could do no wrong in my eyes. He told me he loved me, and I sincerely loved him back. He would actually talk to me. Drayton did not do well in school and had been kept back a couple of years. Now that he was over sixteen he probably would not be going back the next year but just stay out on the farm and work. When I finished I cleaned myself with the catalog pages that they had out there. Drayton was still waiting for me when I came out. We walked back to the house where the girls and Aunt Elizabeth were putting baskets of food in the wagon. When you went to church on Sunday, you finished up one service and then ate. After that they had a singing, and then another service late in the afternoon. Everyone had to get home before dark so they could milk the cows and feed their animals.

We walked, and although I was not used to walking so far I was determined to do it on my own. I did have to sit down and rest a couple of times but Drayton always had an excuse of looking for a piece of mica or of having seen a snake or something that might have been a fox in the woods beside the road, so I could rest. He even offered to carry me on his back if I was really tired. I never took him up on it because I was afraid that I would get hard and everyone would know why.

The first thing that happened was that we went to Sunday School. Drayton and Jerry said that I could go in the Young People Class with them since I was visiting. If I had been a regular I would have gone with the Juniors who were eleven and twelve year olds. As it was, I was with the fourteen and older boys. The girls all went to a different class. There were seven boys in this class including myself. We went out behind the church and down the hill toward the river to have our class. The teacher was a real little thin guy who had the thickest glasses I ever saw. Even though it was already hot, he was wearing a black suit and a white starched shirt. His name was Mr. Abner.

"You're gonna like 'his," Drayton whispered as we all sat on some rocks by the bank of the river in a semicircle around the teacher. After he started talking, Drayton just reached over and ran his hand in my overhauls and started to jack my cock right there in front of the teacher and all the other boys. The boy sitting next to me was Billy Pearson. He was a tall, good looking boy with long thin fingers. He had an Adam's apple that really protruded. He pulled my hand over and put it inside his overhauls. I felt this really long thin peter. It was already hard, so I started slowly rubbing it trying not to be caught doing it.

Billy leaned over and whispered in my ear, "Go on. He can't see a thing pas' two feet in front of him. If he gets up and starts walkin' round then stop, but till 'en do it hard 'n fast." And he grinned really wide showing a lot of his teeth.

I looked around and saw all the boys were jacking the guy sitting next to them. There was a pause in what the teacher was saying and it looked like he was going to get up from where he was, and everyone stopped. Then he started talking again and everyone moved over one seat. Now I was on the other side of Billy Preston and he was playing with my peter, and I started playing with Ralph Thomas's peter. Ralph's was not much bigger than mine, but he had lots of hair. We moved again and this time I was jacking Tommy Thomas. Tommy was Ralph's older brother. He was not but a little bit bigger than Ralph. I wondered about the sizes for a moment. Both Drayton and Jerry had big peters, and they were brothers. Ralph and Tommy were brothers, and they both had small peters. I hoped that I took after my cousins. The seventh boy in the class was Eric Weathers. Eric was dark with jet black, straight hair. He had high cheekbones and really dark eyes. They were so dark that you could not tell where the iris stopped and the pupil began. He was the oldest of the group and was part Cherokee Indian. His grandfather was full blooded Cherokee. They had moved from the mountains in North Carolina before I could remember. Eric had been born in Poinsettia. His father was the preacher. I was really surprised when he reached in and played with my peter. I was even more surprised when it was my turn to play with his. It was bigger than Drayton's peter. It was long and thick and really hard. I could feel the bulging ridge full of cum running from his balls to the tip of his cock. There were protruding veins on the side that looked like the veins that some men have on their arms when they have a lot of muscle. The head was flared and the piss hole looked like the entrance to a dark tunnel. It was an angry-looking peter. I was almost afraid of it, but when Eric undid the hook on the bib of his overhauls and the button on the side I knew what to do when he pulled my head onto his naked cock. I opened my mouth and made love to that monster. I knew that it had to be tamed, and I would do the best I could with my mouth to try to do the taming. I sucked it. I kept trying to take more and more of it. Neither Drayton nor Jerry had tried to make me take all of their cock, but Eric was insistent. He kept pushing my head further down each time that I went down on it. I gagged a little and then something happened. I guess I had too much saliva in my mouth because I swallowed and when I did his peter slipped into my throat. I panicked at first, but he held me down. Here I was under the bib of this Indian boy's overhauls sucking his angry cock and taking it down my throat. I was scared. Then I thought what if his father catches us. He will probably drown us in the river and say we slipped out of his reach while he was Baptizing us. I guess thinking about something else must have helped because I now had all eight inches of that huge cock down my throat. Eric was rubbing his cock through the skin of my throat from the outside. I heard him moan quietly and then he shot his load of cum right into my gullet. I tried to pull off but he held me there. I kept swallowing since it was not shooting into my mouth. I thought that he might drown me. I did not drown, and I pulled back and got a good mouthful of cum before he finished.

There was a break between the Sunday School and the first service. We all went down to the spring and Drayton got me a dipper of water since my arms were not long enough to reach the water with the gourd. I washed down Eric's load of cum with good cold spring water. Drayton smiled at me as he handed me the water. "I told you 'at you'd have fun 'n church, didn't I?"

"You shore did. Hit's the most fun I ever had."

All the boys in the Young Men's Sunday School Class laughed. Tommy Thomas put his arm around my shoulder and said, "I think 'es boy's got the makin's ouv a real snake-handlin' Baptist." All of them laughed again, and Eric mussed my hair up. We were all having a good time. I knew that the rest of the day probably was not going to be this interesting, but I could hope.

We all went up to the church. I sat with Drayton and the rest of the boys on the next to the last row in the back of the church. The ushers were the men who sat in the very back row. They would take the offering. Usually there was not much offering since hard cash was hardly ever seen. The farmers usually brought food for the pastor and his family. Eric's father and mother had a garden of their own. Whenever a farmer killed a cow or a pig they sent some to the preacher. I knew that Eric worked at the drugstore in town. He was what was called a soda jerk. I laughed about that when someone told me what he was called. After Sunday School I did not think that he was a jerk at all. I thought that he was one handsome man with a really monster peter that I loved to suck on. Maybe next winter if we had school again, I could stop by the drugstore and see him.

I was thinking about Eric when somebody up front stood up and started singing. Then everybody started. There were a few books, but I did not know any of the songs. It was pretty lively music. Not like the quartets on Sunday morning on the radio, but I thought that it was pretty good. Mr. Arthur, who was this great big man that was probably six two or three, came in on the really deep bass. I mean the whole floor shook. Then all the way on the other side of the church Mrs. Thomas, Tommy and Ralph's grandmother, started with this really high pitched tenor. They were going back and forth, and the rest of the people were in the middle. It was like thunder and lightning at the same time. I was sure that God had to wake up and pay attention with the two of them singing. After the singing and the offering, the preacher started. He was pretty loud, but it was warm and I had already gotten off twice this morning and once on Saturday night so I rested my head on Drayton's shoulder and was soon asleep. The next thing I knew, he was shaking me and wiping the drool off my chin with his handkerchief.

We ate. There were probably fifty or sixty people there from ten or twelve families. Everyone just put their picnics together on the tables out in front of the church. There were four big oaks that gave about an acre of shade. The boards had been laid across wooden horses that men use to prop lumber on to saw it. The women put their tablecloths on, and ran one tablecloth into the other. They started pulling out bowls and platters filled with meats and vegetables. There were platters of fried chicken and one woman had boiled a hen. There was no beef or pork since it was spring and the meat from the winter before had just about run out. What was left was mostly streaked meat and fat back that was still salted down. Some of the women had brought jars of pickles and chow-chow that they had put up last summer and there were at least four different kinds of dried beans - Crowder peas, pintos, black-eyed peas and even some speckled butter beans that someone had obviously canned. There were spring onions, yellow squash and one woman had made macaroni and cheese. The macaroni and cheese was a treat since the woman had to pay for the cheese at the grocery store. Everything else was mostly made at home. I ate two pieces of chicken, some fried green tomatoes, squash pie, and a plate of cream gravy that was not very hot but the biscuits had been sitting in the sun and they were soft and warm. It was a good thing I had a nap or I would be ready for another one. Jerry was wandering around talking to all his friends. Drayton stayed right with me. He kept asking me if I wanted anything and if I was having a good time. Whatever I wanted he would get it for me. After we finished eating, the women and the girls cleaned up the tables and put everything back in their boxes. Drayton and I took the stuff back to the wagon.

While we were putting the stuff in the wagon, he asked me, "Toby, you wanta go back down by the river or would you rather stay 'n h'ar the sangin'?"

"I'd jest soon's go t'the river. Wouldn't you?"

"Yeah. That's what I usually do. Sometimes I jest come out here and take a nap in the back of the wagon 'til hits time t'go."

"We could do that. I could sleep some more, or not."

"Can you swim, Toby?"

"No. Ain't nobody showed me how. I guess I could larn though."

"I tell you what, let's go on down to the river and I'll see 'bout teachin' you. You not scared of water are you?"

I shook my head no and we headed back down the hill behind the church. I could hear the singing just starting up as the church went out of sight. The closer we got to the river, the more I could hear boys laughing and yelling. When we came through the bushes, there were all of the boys my age and older naked and skinny dipping in the river. Drayton and I took all our clothes off. I folded them and he put them up in a tree so that they would not get wet from the boys splashing water.

"Come on, Toby; let's go out to where that pool is."

There was a shallow pool in the rocks that formed the shoals where the river ran. It was only about eight feet long and about four feet wide. The water was so clear that you could see your toes when you looked down. It was in that little pool that Drayton taught me how to swim. He was patient. He was supportive. He was just what I needed at that moment in my life^×someone to love me and do boy things with me. After he was convinced that I could at least dog paddle and not drown, we went into the main part of the river where he told me to swim or drown and just laughed as I went splashing down the shoals with the rest of the guys. Whatever he told me in his own simple way was enough that I survived in the river that day and could always swim after that time. After the third time of going down the shoals on my ass, Eric started organizing us into teams. Each team was to race the next team and whoever lost the most races had to give the winning team a blow job. I thought that this was the funniest thing that I had ever heard. The boys lined up. There was a count down just like I had heard them do for the races on radio. Then since we did not have a starting whistle or a pistol, Eric would hit two rocks together. I was on the winning team every time. Drayton and I would sling each other forward so that we would have a head start on the others. Finally, some of the other boys caught on and started trying it also. Eric was on the losing team. When it was all over he came and took me to a blanket up on the bank behind some bullrushes, and as I lay there this boy-man licked and kissed and sucked every part of my body. He even licked my ass and even in my ass. I thought that I was going to scream when he did that. It was dirty, but I had found that I liked things I had always thought were dirty. When I came, I did scream. When I opened my eyes, I saw Drayton peeking through the rushes, making sure that I was okay. I winked at him and smiled. Drayton came into our hideout and lay beside me. Eric did not say anything but started kissing and licking on Drayton also. Drayton started moaning when Eric turned him over on his stomach and started kissing his ass. He spit a lot into Drayton's crack and then spit some on his peter. I was amazed when he started sticking into Drayton's ass crack. What was he doing? Drayton just kept moaning. I thought that Eric was surely hurting him, but then I figured that this was probably not the first time that they had done something like this.

"Are you okay?" I whispered to Drayton.

"Ummmhhhh. Oh, yeah. Do it, Eric."

"Drayton, that's not hurting you? What's he doing to you?"

"Don't you know about cornholing?"

"What?"

"Ummmmmmm. Oh. Toby, you are so pretty."

"What's cornholing?"

"It's when I fuck him in the ass. Look. See how my peter is going in and out of him. That is the same way you would fuck a pussy. But, since he's a guy I use his ass hole. That is called cornholing since people used corn cobs to wipe their asses with," Eric was telling me this while he was ramming his peter into Drayton's ass.

I figured that it could not be hurting Drayton that much since he was big enough he could have bucked Eric right off of him. I got back down on my hands and knees behind Drayton and watched as Eric's long cock drove in and out of his reddened hole. They started bucking faster and faster and both of them were moaning really loudly. Finally, I was sure that everyone on the river was hearing them because they were almost screaming. They each humped and humped as hard as they could and then I knew that Eric had shot off because he stopped and I could tell that he was unloading up Drayton's ass even before I saw the white cream coming out of Drayton's asshole around Eric's cock. Eric eased out and Drayton rolled over on his back. There on the blanket was a puddle of cum. How did that happen? Drayton had not jacked off, because he had his hands on the blanket in front of him the whole time. Damn. Eric must have fucked it out of him.

Everybody started putting on their clothes to go back up to the church. The three of us went to the river and washed off. I could see that Drayton was acting like he was taking a dump. Then I saw all this white cum floating on the top of the water. He got our clothes down and we dressed. Eric came up to us when he had gotten his clothes on. He pulled Drayton into a bear hug and kissed him full on the lips. I started thinking that Eric was probably the one who had showed Drayton how to do all the sex things.

We walked back home that night, did the chores and ate cold biscuits and chicken, and went to bed. Drayton crawled into his bed and was snoring before Jerry and I finished undressing. I still slept with Jerry even if it was Drayton that I loved. Jerry and I sucked each other off and fell sleep. The next morning we did our chores and spent the morning in the field. Although it was still early in the year, it was really hot and after we finished in the afternoon with the planting we went swimming in the river. That was fun. While we were naked, I sucked Drayton's peter and he sucked mine. He started working on loosening up my asshole. It became pretty much routine with the work, the swim, eating supper and going to bed. The sex did not vary much either except Drayton finally got his peter up my ass before the week was out and I found out why he had come without touching himself when Eric fucked him. I did the same thing. It felt so good. Sundays I was ready to go to church even if we did have to walk all that way. The group sex was great, and I never did have to go to the Junior Department even though I was attending regularly. The Sunday picnics got better as people got more vegetables from their gardens. The women even started bringing more cakes and pies. Everybody seemed to have a little more than they had been having. Then in September, just around my birthday, Mrs. Rose sent word that the teachers were back and school was starting. It was time for me to come back to her place. Like I said, everything seemed to happen to me about that time of the year. Drayton hitched the wagon up and drove me into town with my brown cardboard box filled with the clothes I brought and some that Aunt Elizabeth had made for me. She said that the shirts, pants and drawers that she and the girls made for me was my payment for working. Mrs. Rose seemed glad to see me and said I looked like a blackberry I was so tanned. Drayton helped me take my stuff to my room. We had to get the windows opened since it smelled like stale food in there. Then before he left he held me in a bear hug and kissed me over and over. When I pulled away from his kiss there were tears in his eyes. "I'm gonna miss you. I love you, cousin."

I was trying my hardest not to cry, and I eked out a "...Luv you too."

That fall Drayton joined up with the CCC boys. They sent him to Columbia to Fort Jackson, to a camp there. I went with the family to the station to see him off. Everyone was crying. Mrs. Rose had made him a big box filled with all sorts of food. Drayton even kissed her good bye. He went from Jackson up to Oconee county where him and his group worked on a new state park. He send me a couple of cards. One said that he was learning to lay rock and build walls and chimneys. Drayton said that he really liked being outdoors and there were lots of nice guys there. There were only two cards. It seemed that the depression was affecting all our lives.

I got out of the habit of listening to the radio. The summers were spent on the farm or else like this past summer just before I turned fifteen mostly reading. I would listen to the news some days. I got tired of hearing about the Hoover Days. I never remembered when Hoover was president, but they seem to blame everything on him. I could not understand how one man could cause so much trouble. I heard about the huge dam out west that was named for him. That sounded pretty positive for such a scoundrel. The biggest dam in the world. I guess I could say Hoover instead of saying damned, and Mrs. Rose would not know I was cussing. Most days I was satisfied to either sit in the porch swing and read staying out of Mrs. Rose's path that way, or else I hid out in my room. She seemed to resent the radio so if I did not want her back there wanting to know what I was doing I had to leave it turned off. At nights after she had gone to bed, I still listened to the stories and the bands. In the winter when school was going on I had to cut it off to study and usually feel asleep without even cutting it on. I read a bunch of books from the school library. The Timrod Library did not have a lot of books. I had already read everything there that was worth reading. Some of those books, like the entire set of Charles Dickens, I read the second time. It was getting hard to find something that I had not already read. The books that Eric gave me when he left to join the Navy were hidden in the ceiling. I had a trap door into the ceiling. It was in the corner of my room. No one had ever used it. When Eric gave me his stash of books, I pulled my desk over and raised the trap door. There was some sooty dust but otherwise it was a dry place to keep my secret books. I knew Mrs. Rose would ever get up on my desk to get to them. I was tall enough that I could get on the desk and stand up and push the trap door open. Reach in and get a book from the box and close it. No one ever found my stash.

It was in March, just before time to start planting, that Uncle Walter lost his farm. He did not have the money to pay the taxes for the past couple of years. The county sent him a notice that they were going to auction his land and equipment to pay his taxes and the bank. The bank of course was not going to loan Uncle Walter any more money. It was sad, but they decided it was time to quit. Drayton was gone, and even after Jerry dropped out of school, it was hard for them to keep everything going. I could have helped them in the summer, but it did not look like that was going to be necessary. I was about that time that the new Poinsettia Cotton Mill was organized and built. I thought that it was strange that some people had money to open another Mill, and other people did not have money to feed their family. Uncle Walter, Aunt Elizabeth, Jerry and the two oldest girls all got jobs working in the mill. That meant with the whole family working they got their own mill house to live in.

The week after the auction, which was the first weekend in May, I went out to the farm with Uncle Walter in the wagon for the last time. Jerry and I spent the night upstairs. I remembered the first night that he and I had slept together. It was when my mama died. I had learned a lot about sex since then. We were laughing. "I remember asking you what a blow job was. I cannot believe I did not know anything back then."

"You were pruddy dumb alright. You sho learned a lot since 'en." Jerry said as he guided his cock into my mouth.

I started to say something about learning.

"Hush. Didn't yor mama tell you not t'talk wid yore mouth full?"

I let his dick drop out of my mouth, and we both rolled on our sides laughing.

After we calmed down, he turned the other direction, and we spent the next ten or fifteen minutes making love to each other's cocks. We sixty-nined. We fingered each other's ass holes. He rolled my balls around in his hand. I liked that and I liked when he pinched my nipples. Jerry did not like for me to do either one to him. He had a real low threshold for pain. When I started cumming in his mouth it was like shooting off when you really feel good and comfortable. That was the way it was with Jerry. We were not excited with each other. We were comfortable and pleasant and happy. He started shooting his load into my mouth about the same time. When I was with other people I was usually uptight about how I was doing or excited that I was doing it with them. Even Drayton was still someone who kept me on edge. I was never as comfortable with anyone as I was with Jerry.

The next day, Jerry and I drove the two cows and the few hogs that Mrs. Rose had bought at the auction and then given back to Aunt Elizabeth to help them out. We had to mark them and tag them so that we could put them in with the animals that belonged to the other people who lived on the mill hill. They had a communal pasture and a communal barn where they kept the cows. Uncle Walter and Jerry had already gone in to build the pen for their pigs in the lot behind the house where they were going to live. Uncle Walter had already carried a lot of the furniture to the new house. That day we had to move everything else because the bank had a sharecropping family moving on to their farm the next day. It was sad that we were moving their family out of the house so someone else who had never worked or loved the place could move in. Jerry and I had fun driving the animals. We had a couple of dogs that went along to help keep the animals in the road. There was lots of red dust that the animals boiled up when the dogs started running them. I think that those dogs would run the hogs just to amuse themselves since it did not seem that the hogs were straying from the road at all. It was about three miles into town, so we took our time. Uncle Walter told us to take it easy since he did not want the animals to lose whatever fat that they had on them by walking it off. There was a stream about half way into town, so we stopped there. We let the animals all get some water, and of course the pigs decided that they had to have a bathe and started wallowing in the creek. It was funny to watch them. Jerry and I waded in the creek, which was nice and cold. We walked up the creek out of sight of the road but where we could still watch the animals. I pulled my dick out and started to pee on the bank. Jerry laughed at me peeing on the bank when most people would have peed in the creek.

"We might want a drink before we get goin'."

"Yeah. Like I'm gonna to drink where them hogs has been wallerin'." Jerry laughed.

He pulled his peter out too. After he finished pissing, he sort of side stepped over to me, and took my peter which I had left hanging out in his hand. I did the same for him. Here we were outdoors on a nice spring day. It was not too hot. The weather was just right. We were two cousins lost in our own thoughts giving the other one a hand job. There was a ray of sunshine coming through the leaves just like you see in those paintings. It fell right on Jerry's right shoulder. You know how you see someone all the time, and you really forget to look at them until something sort of clicks on and you really see them. That was what it was like just at that moment. I saw Jerry. He was tall and lanky. He had grown into a man and I had not even noticed. His hazel eyes reminded me so much of Drayton. If you saw nothing else but their eyes you could have told that they were brothers. He had thin long fingers with hairs on the knuckles. He had thin long toes with hairs on the top of each toe. I could see them through the clear water. He was healthy and strong, but you could almost see his ribs through his tanned, smooth skin. He was a country boy. You could tell that, but there was more to him. He was actually pretty in a way that only a boy can be pretty. He had what I would call a sweet mouth. I had his peter in my hand. It was long and thin just like his legs, his toes and his fingers. The helmet cap was bright pink and the shaft was tanned like the rest of his body. Unlike Eric's dick that had veins showing, Jerry's peter was smooth and delicate like fine china. I did not want to suck him off, but I bent over and kissed his peter. Then I kissed his lips and started to increase the speed with which I was jacking him.

"I'm 'bout thar."

"Yeah. Me too," I answered. We each speeded up and suddenly our cum shot out toward the bank but landed in the creek. The white globs were floating down the stream back toward the wallowing hogs.

"Well, I guess we mite well'ds 'a pissed in hit," Jerry said and we both broke up laughing.

As the summer wore on, I went to work at La Bord's Mercantile. I was making about fifty cent a day. That gave me about two fifty a week. I always gave my ten percent to the Salvation Army or some poor person who was begging on the street. That still left me with over two dollars to spend. Mrs. Rose told me that she expected me to buy my own clothes for school. That was fine, but with this much money I could buy all the clothes that I needed and do the one thing that I wanted to do most to help me get through the summer. Go to the picture show. I have no idea why I became so enamored of the moving picture show, which was what Mrs. Rose called the movies. Even though they were not all filled with glittering places and people, the movie was at least about other people in other places. I wanted to be there doing what they were doing and saying the things that they were saying. I wanted to hold a cocktail glass and drink champagne just like the actors in the movies did. The spring Uncle Walter lost his farm I had started going to the matinee on Saturday. I could buy a yard of black liquorice. If it is, why not use lickerish?] and sit through the weekly serial, the cartoon, the previews and a double feature of two cowboy movies. They had just started showing some short films of a group of kids that were really funny. It was called "Spanky" or "Our Gang". They had this one black kid, Buckwheat, who was really funny. On Wednesday night there were two movies shown. The last showing of the movie that ran the week before and the late show was the new movie that would run for the coming week. I went. There were not many people in the movies on Wednesday night since that was prayer meeting night in all the churches. Usually, there were only a handful of young people for the first show and a few more for the later one when the new movie was shown. Most people saved their money so they could take their dates to the movies on Friday or Saturday night.

The afternoon when we got back to the mill house from driving and tagging the stock and putting the cows in the pasture with the other mill cows and the pigs in their sty, we put Jerry's clothes in a closet in the back room that was upstairs. Since there were five of them working in the mill, they got one of the houses with two bed rooms upstairs and a kitchen, living room and two bedrooms on the ground floor. The back yard was almost an acre. It was large enough so that each family could have its own garden. The out house and the pig pen was at the very back of the lot. It was a long ways to walk if you were in a hurry. Jerry complained that he would never be able to run to the outhouse in his drawers since there were neighbors on each side. Uncle Walter and Aunt Elizabeth had already made two trips and a couple of their friends were helping with their wagons, so by the time Jerry and I finished most of the work was done. Jerry had a room by himself. Of course when Drayton got back he would live there too. Since they had just moved in, they were not expected to start work in the mill until the next Monday. I had to work at La Bord's on Saturdays, but I got off at one o'clock. I asked Jerry if he wanted to meet me in town and go to the picture show on Saturday night. He agreed, but said that he did not have any money. I told him that I would pay this time and when I was broke he could take me. We hugged each other and rolled around on the bed a little. Then I walked back to Mrs. Rose's house, which was just off Main on Elm Street and `way across town from the Poinsettia Mill. I guess it was about a mile. Since it was getting dark, I walked the long way round, since I did not want to walk by "the hanging tree", which was supposed to be haunted.

That was the way the summer started. Jerry never showed up for the movie. I went by myself. I saw "Alexander's Ragtime Band." I came away singing the song. I never even knew I could sing, but I remembered that tune. I thought to myself Jerry would have really liked that show. None of their family came to see Mrs. Rose. It had been several weeks and no one from Aunt Elizabeth's family had been by the house. Even when they lived in the country either Jerry or Uncle Walter or Aunt Elizabeth and the girls came by. I wondered about not seeing them. I guess Mrs. Rose must have been worried. After the third week she told me at breakfast that when I came home from work she wanted me to take some food over to them.

When I got home she had filled her old picnic basket. It was one of the big ones made out of the same stuff that they used to cane the bottoms on chairs. She was putting the last dish in the basket when I came back into the kitchen after changing from my work clothes to jeans and a regular shirt. The aroma of the food made my stomach growl. Mrs. Rose said that she was not sure she wanted to trust me carrying the food with a growling stomach. She wanted to feed me then, but I told her that I had rather wait and eat with Aunt Elizabeth and her family. It took me a while to walk to their house on the mill hill. I had to stop two or three times and rest since the basket was so loaded. I wished that I had put it in my little red wagon and brought it that way. I could not stand the thoughts of someone see me, a grown boy, pulling a little red wagon. When I got there, there was no one there.

I knocked on the door and no one came. The wooden door was open and there was no screen door. I walked on in. It was hot inside, but since it was late afternoon it was sort of dark, too. I took the basket back and put it on the kitchen table. I decided that I might as well unload it since I had to take it back with me. I pulled out bowls of squash pie, fresh green beans with little potatoes and fatback in them and a bowl of fried okra. There were two sweet potato pies, a platter of fried chicken with a bowl of milk gravy to go with it. Oh, yes, there was another bowl of mashed potatoes, a platter of lettuce and tomatoes already sliced up and a huge onion that still had to be peeled and sliced. While I was putting stuff away, I noticed that there was not much food in the house. They had a bag of corn meal and one of grits. I saw some lard and some fat back grease, but there was not even a bag of flour. There were a few jars of jelly and a few cans of vegetables that Aunt Elizabeth had brought from the farm. About that time, the mill whistle blew to indicate that it was fifteen minutes before the next shift began. I went out and sat on the back steps still wondering where the two younger girls were. I heard some giggling. It was coming from under the house, which was high off the ground in the back. A man who looked like he was grown was pulling his pants up and pushing his shirt in as best he could while he was bent over under the house, obviously getting dressed. Both my little cousins were lying on a quilt that they had spread out on the ground. Neither one of them had anything on. The man pulled some coins out of his pocket and threw them on the quilt. I heard him tell them to be sure to keep their mouths shut. I was shocked, but I did not say a thing.

When he came out from under the house, I saw that it was a boy that I knew who had dropped out of school a few years before. He was at least twenty-one or twenty-two. He spoke to me and smiled as he turned and went into the house next door. My two cousins came crawling out from under the house. The smallest one, who was about nine, looked like she had been crying. The other one, who was about eleven, was smiling and spoke to me when she drug the other little girl over to the water pump to clean her up. I told them that I had brought food from Mrs. Rose. They were overjoyed and said that they had not eaten all day. Just then the next whistle at the mill blew. It was loud. No one on the mill hill could ever sleep through that whistle. I even heard it living at Mrs. Rose's house up town, but not like it was right here on the mill hill. The two girls scurried around the house and sat on the front porch waiting for their mother. I walked around and sat with them. The only thing that the oldest girl said was, " Please don't say nuthin', Cuzzin' Toby, hit's jist a liddle more money then we'd have. Hit's a way I kin git me and her sump'n to eat ta'marrer when they's hat work." I thought about it, and thought it was not right but what good would it do to say anything.

It was about ten minutes later that Uncle Walter, Aunt Elizabeth, Jerry and the two oldest girls slowly came up the street. They each one looked as though they were dragging the rest of the world behind them. It looked like they had all aged ten or twenty years. They had all lost weight. There were black circles around Aunt Elizabeth's eyes, and Uncle Walter was coughing. Jerry's pants were sliding down on his hips. He had never been fat, but now he had no meat on him a-tall. It made me so sad to see them having to live this way. We went inside and I got the plates and flatware out for them to eat. I put it all on the table. The girls went out and milked the cow while I was heating everything up. Jerry was washing up outside. Aunt Elizabeth was sitting at the table just staring blankly at what I was doing. Uncle Walter was stretched out on the floor in the living room and snoring already. When Jerry came back in I told him to sit down, I would get everything ready. By the time the girls got back I had all the food on the table. One of the girls got Uncle Walter up and we all sat down to eat. There was no conversation. They ate like they had not eaten in days. I watched as a heaping platter of chicken disappeared. The girls were eating as much as Jerry was. When it was finished, I was afraid that they would be sick. There was little left to put away. I told them that since we had not heard from them that Mrs. Rose was really worried. They said that they were just too tired to walk over to town by the time that they got home. They had not gotten paid yet so they did not have money to buy any groceries and what they was on hand when they moved was gone by now.

After I had everything cleaned up and Mrs. Rose's dishes back in the basket, Jerry and I went down to put what little was left in the slop for the hogs. They were looking pretty thin as well. He and I sat in the privy, and he told me about working in the mill. They had started him sweeping the floors, but now he was learning to doff the bobbins in the spinning room. He said that he would be making a penny more, once he was good at it. I asked him what there was to do around the mill hill. He said he had not done much, but the guy next door had been talking to him about sex things. I asked him if they had done anything. Not yet but he thought that the guy would. He was older and still lived with his parents. I told him what I had seen that afternoon. Jerry laughed and said that he was glad the girls were making some cash. He was not going to have any until the next Thursday. I asked him what time the mill store closed. It was opened until eight o'clock. I asked him if he wanted to walk over there with me. We did. Once I got there I bought some fat back, some bacon, flour and baking powder and a dope for each of us. I asked the man who was behind the counter about cheese and meat. He said that he had put it in the cooler but that if I wanted some he would pull it back out. I told him that I wanted a couple of pounds of cheese. Jerry said that they had eggs and milk and that one of the neighbors would give them some vegetables. I asked the man what was the best buy he had on meat. He said that he had a bunch of pork chops that he needed to get rid of. I asked him how much a pound. He said that he did not know how many pounds were there but I could have all of them for a quarter. I told him to wrap them and that cheese up. We took it all back to Aunt Elizabeth's. She started crying and telling me that I should not have spent my money on them. I told her that was partial payment for the summers that I had spent on the farm. I sure did not want to see my kinfolk starve. If it ever got that bad again they were to send Jerry or one of the girls to Mrs. Rose's and one of us would do something to help.

I packed up everything and decided to go on back. I sure did not want to walk by the hanging tree in the dark, but I was tired and did not feel like walking the long way. Jerry and I did not do anything that night. We could have when we were in the privy, but he was too tired. I had things to do. We could do it some other time.

We never did.

It was later that same month, while I was hanging out reading the advertising and looking at the back and white stills for the movie playing, that Alan came up to me and asked me if I wanted to see the show. I told him that I was going Friday night, but could not afford to go tonight. He told me not to worry. He led me over to the ticket window. Alan's mother was the woman that sold the tickets. She sometimes took up the tickets after she finished selling them. Then she went upstairs to where they had the projectors. Alan pulled me over to the window.

"Ma, 's alright if'n Toby come to the show with me?"

"Sure. How you doing Toby? How's Mrs. Rose?" Alan's mother asked me.

"Fine. Mrs. Rose's is doing pretty good. She don't like this weather none." I said to be polite.

"Well, come on." Alan said pulling me away from the ticket booth.

"Thank you, ma'am," I said politely.

Alan was almost two years older than I. His sister was in my class at school, but I had never really been around him too much. He sort of scared me. Everybody said that he was really wild. He sometimes worked at the beer joint, which was a cafe that sold beer. People called it a beer joint. He was tall and slender. Alan had sort of long dirty blond hair and a dark complexion. I thought that he was sexy, but I would never try anything with him. He was one of the boys that forced me to do things in my jack-off fantasies. When we got into the theater, he grabbed me by the shoulder and directed me into the back row of seats. It was the early movie so there were not a lot of people there. Not only that but it was a Wednesday, and most of the people in town went to their prayer meetings on Wednesday night. There were no other people sitting on that row, I stopped about half way into the row. Alan just shoved me on to the seat against the wall. There were lights about every three rows down the side of the theater. They were like wall lamps with dim bulbs in them. It was not bright enough to make a difference while watching the movie but gave enough light that you could see where you were going. There was no light on the back row and the one three rows ahead was screwed out because this was the area where the couples that wanted to make out sat.

The newsreel played; then the comedy cartoon. Then the coming attractions or previews came on. I got a hard on watching Errol Flynn in the previews for "Robin Hood". Then the movie started. Alan had not said anything the whole time we had been watching I felt his leg push against mine a couple of times. I did not think anything about it since the seats were pretty cramped together and there was not a lot of room between one aisle and the other. Then I felt his knuckles against my leg. He had his hand on his knees and was pushing against mine. First, it was like a one and two. Then he paused and did it again. I thought that he might be trying to signal me about sex. I was not sure, but I suspected that was what the bumping was about. I bumped him one and then two, just like he had done me. Then he stretched his legs out in front of himself and slipped down in the seat. He bumped me again with his knuckles and when I returned the bump against his leg I bumped into his hard peter. He grabbed my hand and held it on his hard cock. I started squeezing it trough his pants. Alan took my hand and moved it up and down on his peter. In other words, I was jacking him off in the movies. I sat there and tried to watch Bette Davis while my hand was jacking Alan off in the seat next to me. Alan had his right leg folded up and pressed against the seat in front of him. No one that came down the aisle could see what we were doing. Since all the lights were out in that section, you could only see the upper parts of our bodies when the movie was really bright. My peter was hard as a rock. It hurt. Since I was jacking him off, he should at least do the same for me. I pulled his hand off the armrest and into my lap. He jerked it back like he had been shot. He leaned over and whispered in my ear, "I ain't queer, but I don't mind letting you play with it."

I was angry. I pulled my hand away from his peter. He grabbed it an' pulled it back. He was leaning back onto my side of the armrest again. " Come on. Don't be that way. Ever'body knows you suck cock. Here."

I heard him as he pulled the zipper on the front of his pants down. My face was scarlet. I assumed that people could see it in the dark. I was so ashamed. What did he mean that everyone knew that I sucked cock? He pulled my hand back onto his naked peter. It was big. I have no idea what happened to me but the next thing I realized, I was on my knees in the aisle with Alan's peter in my mouth. I was giving him a blowjob just like any whore. My pay was a free movie. Tears were running down my eyes. He groaned really quietly and shot off in my mouth. There was nowhere to spit it, so I swallowed it. It was not the first time I had swallowed cum. I had eaten Eric's and Jerry's and Drayton's, and now Alan's. I hated myself for being this way. I crawled back into my seat and finished watching the movie.

After the movie was over, the light came on. Alan reached over and wiped my face with his finger. I guess some of his cum was on my chin. "You okay?" he asked me.

"Yeah. I reckon."

"Was the movie that sad you had t'cry?" he asked me.

"Naw. I just get real sad watchin' movies I guess."

"C'mon and we'll walk home," he pulled me after him.

I did not want to walk home with him. I did not want to ever see him again. He had a nice peter and his cum tasted okay, but I just did not want to be treated like a whore. I wanted something in return. Everybody that I had been with always did something to me. Either they jacked me off or sucked me. He made me feel trashy. We turned the corner and started down Elm Street to Mrs. Rose's house.

"Can you get 'n th' house without her knowin'?" Alan asked me.

"Yeah. Why?"

"How you do it?"

"I just go through the window in my room," I told him.

"That's great. You got any Vaseline?"

"What?"

"I asked you if you had any Vaseline. I hear you like to get fucked too. I got a big peter. Don't you like it?"

"Alan, I don't know who's tellin' y'all all'a this shit 'bout me, but I ain't no whore."

"Nobody said you wuz a whore. They said you wuz queer. I know you are after that blow job back thar."

The tears were stinging my eyes. "I, I . . . Fuck you, Alan. You think you can take me to a free picture show and then fuck me. Ever'body I ever done anything with always done sumpin' for me in return. I ain't used to havin' sex like this when I ain't having sex too."

I was trying to explain it, but my tongue was getting tied up. I was angry. I was hurt. I guess if the truth were known I was really horny and did want Alan's peter up my ass. He followed me around to the back of the house. I hoisted myself up onto the frame of the window so that I could get into my room. Alan pushed me through by placing his hands on my butt cheeks and squeezing them. I did not stop him when he pulled himself up and into my room. I started to turn on the light and he stopped me. He pulled me down on the bed next to him and started taking off my clothes. "Where's the Vaseline?" he whispered in my ear. I reached under the pillow and brought the bottle out.

"Damned, you were ready," Alan said as he slipped his pants and drawers down around his ankle. He smeared some Vaseline on his peter and gave it a couple of good tugs. It was already hard again. Then he pushed my legs up over my head. I had a foot at each ear. No one had ever fucked me from the front before. There was enough light from the moon so that I could see what was happening. I felt him push against my hole. I did nothing. Then I thought what the hell. He is going to fuck me anyway, so I might as well enjoy it. I relaxed and he slipped all the way into me with one push. His pubic hairs were against my butt. I could look him in the eyes as he started pumping into me. I started playing with my own peter. He was hitting my prostate on every other thrust forward. I was shaking it felt so good. Then he threw me the bone, so to speak. Just when he was about to shoot his load into my ass, he grabbed my cock out of my hand and jacked me really roughly. I shot off all over my stomach and onto my chest and chin. I could feel him unloading his cum up my ass. We both were panting as he pulled slowly out of me.

I reached under my pillow and pulled out a towel that I kept there to clean up with. He chuckled as I cleaned his peter off for him. Then I started cleaning myself up.

"Don't you ever tell anyone that I jacked your dick," Alan whispered. "I mean it. I'll beat the shit out of you if you ever tell anybody."

"Don't worry. I won't tell nobody nothin' and don't you either," I told him.

"I know but people know you're queer. I don't want people thinkin' that jest cause I cornhole you that I am too." It went on that way for the rest of the fall and winter. Mostly, I got to go to the movies that I wanted to see for free. I never did anything else with Alan in the theater. He'd just tell his mama that I wanted to see a movie. I'd go to the movie and she would just tell the usher to let me in. Finally, it got to where the usher did not even ask me for a ticket. I did not see Alan but a couple of nights a week. He would show up. Screw me -- or corn hole me, as he said. We never talked. He'd get off and was gone.

In the spring Jerry joined the army. We all went to the depot to watch him leave. Even Mrs. Rose went down to tell him goodbye. I had the strange feeling that would be the last time any of us would see him. I shook his hand just before he got on the train to leave. His hand was cold.

Sometime in June, I was sitting in the swing on the front porch of Mrs. Rose's house. There were lots of horns honking and shouting coming from the ARP church. The car rolled past the house. I knew whose it was. It was Alan's old roadster. It had cans tied to the bumper of the car. "Just married" was scrawled across the side in white paint. He was sitting there with one arm around his new wife and driving with the other. He did not even look up to see if I were anywhere around. Why should he? I was just someone to "cornhole" till he found a real girl. I felt the hot tears running down my face. I did not love Alan. And then it started. I broke down there in the swing crying. Bawling like a child. I cried because of my Daddy leaving me. I cried because Drayton left me. I cried for Jerry and Eric. I hated Alan. He made me feel so cheap. He made me feel like dirt, but I had to have loved him to be crying like I was. I sat there and cried until it was all out. "To hell with you, Alan," I said under my breath as I shut the book I was reading and went in the house.

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