WARNING: I'm sure you've memorized most of these stupid things already, so just obey all other warning messages and in addition... don't be an idiot.
This involves sexual scenes involving two teenage boys. If this offends you in any way, first of all you have no taste, but what are you doing on this newsgroup?
Enjoy...
Michael and Adam
Part One
The sun broke brightly through the blinds of the window, shining in and casting diagonal lines of light across the sleeping form of Todd Johnson. The sun hit his eyes and he closed them tighter, as if to resist the morning. But there was no disputing the alarm clock, which began to ring like a fire bell through his head. It is said that hearing is the most acute when just awaking, and at that moment, Todd would not have questioned that rationale. Relectantly he pushed the sheets on his bed back and swung his legs around and over the side. He held his head in his hands and rubbed his eyes, forcing himself to wake up completely.
Todd stood and raised the blinds. Sunlight suddenly filled the room, chasing darkness away. He raised his arms over his head and linked his hands, stretching his entire body. Then, returning to his morning slouch, Todd peeled off his tee shirt, lumbering his way to the door, then to the bathroom across the hall.
The water of the shower was unusually hot that morning, Todd had to turn it down, he thought he was going to burn his skin off. After a quick, five minute wash, he turned off the water and grabbed a towel from the rack.
Todd played basketball, and it was visible. He was lean, but not skinny, and muscular but nothing close to actually looking like he worked out. He was moderately tall, with long arms and legs. He looked himself over in the mirror as he rubbed his hair with a towel. He nodded, a combination of satisfaction and acceptance.
Living only about a mile from the high school, Todd would walk to school in almost any weather. Being mid fall, it was still easy, not cold enough yet to be driven. After a quick toast and juice breakfast, he made his way out the door and to school.
Todd was a sophmore in high school, in a class of more than he could count, just another face in the crowd. He was the antithesis of a good student, he was a slacker at heart. He would rather watch televison and play with his computer than do his homework, and he never bothered with it most nights unless he had something pressing.
Reaching the school doors, he was almost trampled by a herd of football players, all pushing like a wall, shoulder to shoulder, in from the cold. They didnt really walk, they sort of pounded their way by, forcing Todd to the wall, almost bringing him to a halt.
"Fucking jocks," said a voice from behind Todd.
Todd turned and saw Sean. Sean was another sophmore, almost the same age as Todd but about three inches shorter. He had brownish blonde hair, a messy styleless cut from a barber, Todd had a classic skater cut, midway down his neck, parted in the middle, brown, neat. They were opposite.
"Can you believe those guys? Think they can just walk over people. No consideration. None," said Todd with a little smirk. He knew that he would never be able to talk like that to one of their faces, and it was doubly safe talking that way to Sean, Sean was somewhat timid about confrontation.
Sean had moved to town three year ago, when Todd was in Junior High. They never really met, they passed in the halls, having no reason to talk to one another, and did not share a class until freshman year, when they both ended up in remedial Geometry. Sean was usually a good student, taking honors classes in History and English. They wre casual friends, convenient friends. If fate had not pushed them both to fail Algebra, they would never even have talked.
"Where are you going this morning?" Sean asked.
"I got English and Spanish. You?"
"Phys ed and US History. Hell on earth."
Sean was not an athlete. He played no sports, but tried once to play soccer, and made a fool out of himself, and made a fool out of himself. He barely made it through conditioning, and he knew he couldn't last the season. So, Sean conveniently ended the season early with a fake ankle injury even though he knew it would reinforce the loser image that many people had of him.
They smiled at each other and went off, one upstairs one downstairs.
Todd sat in class and tried to zone out the endless lecture about the book A Separate Peace. The teacher paced back and forth, cutting a rug about the two main characters, Gene and Phinny, who met at boarding school, Phinny meeting with a tragic accident because of Gene's jealousy. On and on. Todd had never even read the book.
"............indication of homosexuality." Todd was snapped out of his daydream. Leaning over to Brad, who sat next to him, he asked, "did he just say what I think he said?"
Brad was a skater person, even more of a slacker than Todd, and laughed at everything. They had known each other since grade school, and lived near each other.
"Yeah man, turns out Gene's a fag, who knew?"
Shocked, Todd turned back and to his dreaming. Seemed strange that they would actually make the kids read a book like that, with undertones like that. Todd was a little intrigued by this possibility. He produced the book from his back pag and began to read the first page.
Recess bell rang and Todd was midway through the third chapter. He packed up his bag and walked out into the hall. Distracted, he rammed right into Brads back, his chin cracking against the boy's shoulder.
"Fuck man, slow down, you're gonna hurt youself," Brad smirked.
"i already hurt myself asshole. Fuck. I think i bit through my fucking lip.:
"Sorry man, you must have banged into my muscles. Hard as rocks man."
"Bullshit, you are such a punk, help me up."
Brad extended one hand and Todd clasped it in his own. Brad's hand was sweaty, like he was always feverish. He stood up and looked him in the eye. "Brad, am I bleeding dude?"
"Uhm, yeah, I'd have to say. Go get that looked at man, serious."
"Naw, i'll be fine, ill get a paper towel itll stop soon enough."
"I'll come too, gotta take a piss man."
Todd and Brad walked through the teaming crowds and pushed their way into the mens room. It was conspicuously empty. Todd ripped off a paper towel and pushed it on his gums as Brad sauntered over to the urinals like a cowboy, legs bowed. The sound of his zipper coming down filled the quiet. It was as if it was the only sound in the room.
Brad leaned in and moaned. "Aw shit thats good. Man i needed to piss."
"More than i needed to hear Brad. Leave the dick speak for the ladies."
"You talking about my dick dude? You interested?"
Todd blushed and threw the bloody towel at Brad. Without thinking, Brad pivoted and dodged the flying towel, at the same time exposing himself and pissing on the floor. Todd had never seen Brad's penis before, he tried not to show too much interest, but it was kind of difficult, as Brad spun back around, flushed, and hid himself in the urinal.
"Quit looking at my dick dude. It aint' proper."
"Kind of hard not too dude, you're whipping that thing around, how could i miss it?" Act like one of the guys. Joke about it.
Brad lightened up. Smiling he zipped up. "Yeah, you know you want it."
And he reached down and squeezed his crotch, accentuating its presence.
"You know I do Brad. Jesus you're a fuck up. Lets get out of here."
Todd was coming out of chemistry when he ran into Sean again. He was giving him this goofy grin. Todd was a little concerned as Sean came over, flashing his teeth and bright eyed. He had never seen the kid this happy, strange.
"Heard you and Brad made out in the bathroom Todd."
"Not even close. Whats that little prick going round telling people that?"
"Naw, he just said that you saw him naked. He said it 'nekkid'"
"Yeah, well, i didnt even look Sean, I mean, i'm not like spying on people. Not ,y thing."
"I believe you man, don't worry about it."
"Anyways, i gotta go to practice, seeya later."
Practice was long and cold. The coah had the entire soccer team running win sprints up and down the field like robots. They were almost dead at the end, when he sent them in to change. It was almost dark out, and the temperature had dropped a good ten degrees. Todd ran in, shivering in a tee shirt and mesh shorts.
Walking into the locker room, Todd made his way past about ten players to get to his locker. He reached it, pulled off his cleats and peeled off his tee shirt and shorts, standing in his boxers. He ran his fingers around the waist band, they stuck to his body with sweat.
He heard Brad's voice coming from the other end of the room. He was just coming in, shirtless, and laughing with a bunch of other guys. He broke off from them with a high five and moved over next to Todd, at his locker.
"Sup dick watcher?" said Brad.
"shut the fuck up dude, you know i don't watch your dick."
Turning towards him and pulling off his Umbros, "How do i know that? I mean, you coulda been doing it for years."
"You mighta noticed me staring at your dick before now. Sides, when have you ever been naked in front of me before? This is such a dumb argument."
"You could of molested me when i slept over your house." he was laughing out loud, causing a disturbance.
Brad stopped laughing, sniffed, wiped his nose on his shirt, and pulled off his boxers.
"Whats this? Some fucking test for me? The do not look at Brads dick test?"
"Yeah, man. That's what it is. God, i'm gonna get a shower, relax."
Todd felt very sheepish. Brad gave a goofy look and turned and walked away, to the already steaming showers. Todd couldnt help watching Brad's ass as he walked away. Turning, he realized he stank, and pulled down his own boxers, hurried to the shower.
Todd was not a shower in school person. Never did it, usually too nervous. He felt like he had to prove something, go in there, even the score or something. And he was curious, about Brad. Seeing his old friends dick had been an experience worth investigating, something new.
The shower room was thick with steam and boys. Todd found his way over to Brad and stood under the hot water. Brad looked him right in the face, did not look down, did not give Todd that satisfaction.
Instead, he simply passed the soap and said "Came for another look huh?":
Todd shook his head and started washing. Brad shoved his face in the water and closed his eyes. Todd couldn't help it, he looked down at Brad.
Through the steam, it was hard to discern, but it was clear enough. Beneath a dark patch of hair was Brads dick. From Todd's angle, he couldn't really tell the size of it, he was tempted to drop the soap and bend down to look. His best guess was that it was average, balls hanging below. With his eyes still closed, Brad turned to get water on his back. Todd kept looking. No one noticed. He had been wrong, Brad was bigger than he thought. His dick hung a little lower than his balls, and was a little fatter than average.
Brad opened his eyes. Following Todd's glance down to his dick, Brad started to turn around, but stopped, and looked down and Todd.
Todd was a little smaller than Brad, in all ways. His balls were average and hung below his dick, which was about two and half inches long in the hot water. He had a decent patch of pubic hair and that was all. Brad said nothing, did nothing, just closed his eyes again and returned to his shower and Todd turned off his water and walked out, excited yet rejected.
Todd got dressed and walked home. He kept thinking back to the shower room, and how Brad had looked at him. Was Brad gay, he thought? No, he figured, only a straight guy would be that fucking obvious about it, someone who has nothing to hide might just look.
No one was home when Todd arrived. He walked up the stairs and up into his room. He dropped his bag next to his desk and himself onto his bed. His hair was still wet, and he closed his eyes for a second. All he could see was Brad, under the water, naked. He put his right hand up on his stomach and felt himself breathe. It was dark in the room, no lights were on. No one could see him, he was all alone, and he slowly movesd his hand down, and put it on the waistband of his jeans. The button came off easy, sliding out and opening. He simply pulled on one side of the opening and the zipper, loose, came down and opened more. He raised his hips, and pulled his jeans down to his knees, his boxers still on. Todd put his hand inside them, and wrapped it around his dick. He started rubbing himself, stroking the skin up and down until he grew harder in his hand, slowly. His mouth opened on its own, his eyes still shut tight. Todd began to breath heavy as he slid his boxers down to meet his jeans. Naked, his dick was fully hard, floating above his stomach and he pulled up his shirt. From soft to hard, it had almost tripled in size, and slowly, Todd began to jerk himself off.
His forearm began to slap against his hip as he increased the speed, feeling every stroke. He slowed down, almost stopped.
Brad walked in the room. He was shirtless and he pulled down his pants.
His hard on was right there, in sight, no underwear, as he walked over to Todd and wrapped his moist hand around Todds own dick. Pulling, slowly, with a lovers touch, he jerked him off, as Todd leaned his head back and sighed. Todd put his own hand on Brad's dick, mimicing the motion, Brad closed his eyes, and lay down on the bed. Brad leaned forward and put his mouth on Todd.
Todd's eyes went wide open and he came. He shot all up his chest, the first shot landing on his sternum, the later shots mingling onhis stomach.
He kept on jerking until he was empty, then stopping, his hand covered in cum.
The room was empty, the image of Brad, the dream of Brad, had left with the orgasm. Todd felt alone, very cold. He pulled a tissue from his bedside table and wiped his chest down and his dick, softening. He wiped off his fingers then, sat up, buttoned, and turned on the light, calmer now, breathing heavy.
Part Two
Sean sat at his desk, in the corner of his tiny bedroom, lit by a lamp and the blue irradesence of the computer. Pencil scribbling out the answers to that nights Trigonometry, the lead snapped off and rolled down the paper.
"Shit, shit." he exclaimed as he fumbled in the drawer for his sharpener.
Settling for a pen, Sean returned to the problem.
A look of consternation crossed his small, thin face and without warning Sean snatched his notebook off the table and whipped it at the wall across the room. A flurry of papers exploded from it, coming down in slow motion, then settling on the floor.
Sean leaned back in his chair and spun around, looking at the ceiling, dizzy, light headed. He sighed and put both hands behind his head, and closed his eyes.
With a crash Sean was snapped out of his sleep. He looked and found himself on the floor, the chair still under him, the arm jabbing him in the side, his legs bent like insect's. He chuckled to himself. "Sean Kendall awoke from unsettling dreams to find himself transformed into a giant insect...." He rolled onto his stomach, pleased with his clever literary joke.
More like a slightly medium sized insect actually, Sean was something like the runt of the litter. His older brother had played football in High School. A terrifying sibling, he was always amusing himself by picking on Sean whenever he found himself at home. He called him his little sister.
Sean did a push up on the floor and stood up, then dragging the chair up behind him. Homework seemed tedious that night, a waste of time. Sean turned and faced the computer.
Searching through his hard drive, he didnt even hear the phone ring, or his mother answer. Before he had a chance to close the window, his mother was in his room, holding the portable phone. Panicking, Sean turned off his monitor, then turning too calmly to his mother and taking the phone.
"Hello?"
"Hi, is Sean there?"
"Yeah, I am. Todd?"
"Yeah. Listen, you're like a brainiac, right?"
"Uhm, no. Why?"
"Cause I don't fucking understand basic Proofs. You took Plane and Solid, right?"
"Uhm yeah, over the summer."
"Oh right you were in my remedial class for a second or two."
"Yeah. Anyways, you want some help or something?"
"Yeah thanks. You're a pal."
"Okay well..."
"Listen, why don't you just come over. It'll be easier on me.:
"Uhm, sure. You live down on James right?"
"No, I'm on Foster. White house, 4006."
"okay, I'll be over in ten minutes."
Sean hung up the phone a little confused. Perhaps it was the suddeness he had just entered Todd's life, in a second he had become his personal geometry tutor. Plus the fact that Todd had just like that invited him over. It didnt seem to even cross his mind that Sean might not have been able, or wanted to go. That kind of confidence was rare, confidence in people's desire to be with you.
Sean put on a jacket and told his mother where he was going, then went out into the night. He didn't bother to bring any books, he figured he wasn't going to need them.
It took about five minutes to walk to Todd's house, which was bigger than he expected, but not at all imposing. He walked up the asphalt path and rung the bell. From inside, the sound of music was pounding out the windows. The door was flung open by Todd, who seemed to be bouncing along with the beat like a human metronome.
"Hi, you must be Sean. My name is Todd. Pleasure to meet you." and Todd clasped Sean's hand ans shook it like it was the first time they had ever met.
Sean seemed quizzical. "Uhm, nevermind man, come on in."
Sean entered the house, the sound was even greater on the inside, it was deafening.
Todd turned and said "Do you have a boner?"
Sean looked at him as if he were a leper. "What the fuck?" he yelled over the guitars.
"Do you want a soda??" Todd repeated.
"Oh, yeah definitely."
Todd walked off to the kitchen, first stopping to turn off the music and Sean followed him. He passed through the door to see Todd bent over and digging through the fridge like a mole trying to dig. Todd was wearing a pair of loose jeans and a black tee shirt with the expression "Now I'm Nothing" on it, scrawled in block letters, blue. When he bent over, his tee shirt pulled up and the lower part of his back was visible, a light dusting of blonde hair covered it. His jeans were way down, defying Newton and somehow hanging from his ass. Todd's boxers were blue and plain, powder blue, matching the writing on the shirt. Under his boxers, it was easy to see Todds ass as the material strecthed across it.
"Dew or Coke?"
"Uhm Dew."
"You know Yellow 5 kills your sperm, right?'
"Thats a lie."
"Hey, just warning ya." Todd made like a football player and hiked the green can to Sean, who caught it clumsily.
"Myself, I'm a Coke man," said Todd, "less caffiene, but that great carmel coloring." He cracked one open and chugged it.
Sean's Dew exploded in his hands. Like a sprinkler, the soda was spraying around the room, but mostly getting all over Seans shirt and face. Todd stumbled to the counter laughing and tore off some paper towels. The Dew had stopped its orgasm and he handed them to Sean.
"Fuck it all man, i'm fucking covered in Dew."
That was it for Todd. He bent over laughing, put his hands on his knees and started coughing. Sean started to wipe his face off. "Shit, went right through my clothes. I smell like citrus."
Straightening up, Todd thought. "Dude, You can wear some of my old clothes maybe. You might fit into some of last years collection."
"yeah fine, go get them Todd. I'm not moving around in this shit, i'll chafe."
Todd ran up the stairs and into his bedroom. He began to pour through his lower drawer and started throwing clothes all over, looking for the perfect ensemble.
Sean, meanwhile, was trying salvage the last of the Mountain Dew, but it was flat. He tossed it in the sink and walked over to the fridge to get another, his clothes clinging to him.
Todd reappeared and handed him a small pile of garments. Sean unfolded the pants, a pair of huge black jeans, rap style and then the shirt, purple and bearing the words Parliament Funkadelic. He winced and said "point me to the bathroom."
"uh uh, no way are you dripping through the rest of the house dude, I'll just turn around and you can change. I wont look."
"no man, point me to the bathroom, I gotta take a shower."
"And i told you, my folks will throw a fit if you mess up the house, they'll fucking kill me, just take the clothes off here. The bathroom is down the hall, third door on the right."
"Dude, i'm not sure."
"Just do it Sean, jesus, you'd think you thought I was looking at you or something."
"Well, after what happened with Brad today," Sean joked, "i just don't feel safe."
"shut up dude. just change, if i look at you I promise you can kill me."
"Uhm, sure, whatever. Just turn around you perv."
Todd turned around and faced the wall. Placing both hands up against it, he leaned like he was getting ready to be frisked. He was listening very closely though, for what Sean was doing. He heard him clear his throat awkwardly and inhale deep, and then the sound of wet cloth over skin came as Sean pulled his shirt off, over his head.
Todd could see all this reflected in the glass of a picture, hanging on the wall just to his left, eye level. All he had to do was move his eyes to see it. The picture was of his family at Disney World, standing in front of Epcot's Spaceship Earth. Now, sandwiched between his mother and Todd was the moving image of Sean, who took his shirt and let it fall to the floor with a wet muffled sound. He seemed unsure of the next step, and he looked around before pulling off his sneakers and socks and letting them fall too. Then, looking at Todd, he unbuckled his belt and pulled down his jeans. They were so wet they pulled down his boxers as well. Sean stepped out of them and stood for a second, naked before he grew embarassed and covered himself with the new clothes and walked quickly over to the bathroom.
Todd turned around, breathless. He couldnt belive that he had actually convinced Sean to undress in the kitchen. It seemed like such a surreal experience, something seen only in dreams. The shower turned on and Todd
came back to the real world. He walked over to the pile of clothes on the floor, and started picking them up. He held up the boxers to the light and made like he was looking at photo negatives, trying to see the image. He balled them up and walked to the washing machine and started a wash, threw them in.
Todd sat down in the tv room and watched the bathroom door for a minute.
Then opened a Rolling Stone. He was reading about Michael Stipe when the shower shut off, the plastic rings scraping against the metal rod. He could hear Sean drying off.
"Holy fuck Todd, where the hell are the boxers dude?"
Todd yelled back, "You really want to wear my underwear dude? Seemd kind of, dirty to me."
"Its either that or its my bare ass in your jeans, what'll it be?"
"I see your point. Be right back"
Sean shook his head and mumbled something. He rubbed his head with a towel and then stood in front of a full length mirror,looking himself over.
Sean didnt get naked often, he was not nearly a nudist. Most often he wore a shirt with his boxers when he walked around, slept almost totally clothed.
He looked at himself.
If his chest was muscular, it was hiding. His stomach showed no abdominals, his arms lacking definition, his legs still thin and weak looking. He had small patch of hair under each arm, and dusting on his stomach, dark enough to been seen. His penis was small soft, the head ending well above his balls, which were actually rather low.
Todd knocked on the door. Without waiting he cracked it open and tossed in a pair of briefs. "Sorry dude, all I have clean."
Sean pulled the elasticised contraptions up his legs and continued dressing as Todd closed the door.
A minute later Sean came out of the bathroom, looking both mentally and physically lost in Todd's clothes. He sat down on the coach about five feet away from Todd, who was laying down and reading.
"Dude, not to sound nerdy but you wanted homework help?"
"Naw forget it man, i got no drive for that shit.'
"So what are we going to do? I mean, i"m not leaving in these funky threads of yours Superfly."
"Uhm read a magazine," said Todd and winged the Rolling Stone at Sean, who ducked.
Dead silence and a minute passed.
"Hey, i gotta idea!!" said Todd.
"What?"
"You want a beer?"
"You want to get drunk?"
"Why not, its Friday, i don't have to get up tomorrow."
"Dude, I really dunno. Last time I got drunk I threw up."
"Liar, you are like the sobriety poster boy. Let me get you a drink dude, it'll be fun."
"Yeah fine. One."
Todd and Sean had shared six beers between them when they realized it was near midnight. "Dude, dont you have parents?" said Sean.
"Not tonight, they went out to a cocktail party. Cock Tail." Todd and Sean began to laugh.
Todd rolled over onto his back, sprawled on the couch, his head about an inch from Sean's, as they lay. "You sleeping here tonight?"
"Yeah, guess so. I couldn't try if i walked right now."
"You mean walk if you tried you lush,"
"Uhm, no. I meant it the first way."
"Listen, we should get you upstairsm cause if i pass out here, you'll just end up sleeping on the couch."
"Okay dude," said Sean in a sing song voice and rolled off the couch and onto the floor. The two stood up and leaned on each other for support before they moved to the stairs and up them. Awkwardly.
Todd brought Sean to his bedroom "This is the honeymoon suite, one of our more popular rooms. Heart shaped bed and jacuzzi."
"Mmm, bed" said Sean as he collapsed onto it.
Todd did a spin on his heels and fell down next to Sean. They were laughing uncontrollably, Sean buried his face his Todd's shoulder, Todd reached around and patted him on the back. They lay there like that for longer than they thought, and then broke apart. Todd stared at the ceiling.
"Hey Sean?"
"Yes master?" said like Jeannie to Larry Hagman,
"You a virgin?"
"Answers point to yes."
"Oh, good. You a bona fide beat off boy?"
"Bona fide what?"
"Ya know, a chronic masturbator?"
"Da chronic Dre?"
"Shut up man I'm serious."
"Todd isnt everyone? I mean, our age at least?'
'I never do it."
"Lies motherfucker, lies."
"Fine Sean, yeah, of course I do."
"thought so, dont you ever lie to me again."
"Dont' you ever lay me?"
"Lie to me. You can lay me anytime baby."
Todd blushed, but Sean wasn't watching. It sounded like a joke.
"Hey man, tell me the truth," said Sean, rolling onto his side, putting a hand on Todds shoulder, "this thing with you and Bradley, were you checking him out?"
"Couldn't help it Sean, kid was hanging right out, pissing on the floor.
What am i supposed to do, ignore that."
"Hell, i couldntve" Sean squeezed Todds shoulder. A fraternal type of bond.
At that very second Todd looked at Sean for the first time. He had seen him a hundred times before, but now he looked at him for real. He could see right into his eyes, deep green, and he followed the side of his face down to his neck and watched as he swallowed, muscles undulating. Todd looked at Seans lips, parted and wet.
"Sean man, you sleeping?"
"Not yet. Too drunk to fuck right now. Too drunk to sleep."
"Funny, never happened to me before."
"which one?"
"both."
"hmm. funny Todd. Todd is a funny guy"
Todd reached out and tousled Sean's hair, Sean just closed his eyes and smiled. He could tell the boy had fallen asleep or passed out. He took his hand back from Seans forehead.
Todd reached under Sean and pulled him up, and put him into bed. Kicking off his shoes, he climbed in next to him.
"Dude, you asleep?" No answer from Sean. Todd reached out under the covers and held Seans hand. It was soft, small in his own "palm a basketball hands" and ran his finger up and down the smaller kids fingers.
"Todd, is that you dude? You touching me?" Sean groggily mumbled.
Sliding his hand away, Todd lay back and shut off the lamp.
"Naw man, just go to sleep dude." Todd buried his face in his pillow, and tried to disappear. He woke hours later and found that things were as he left it. He still existed, and next to him, closer now, warm, slept Sean.
Todd felt confident that if he moved his hand a tiny bit, he would touch him so he pretended he was made of stone until he fell alseep again.
Part Three
Todd dreamed of a huge weight falling on his chest. When he woke up, he found that Sean had draped his arm over him. Seans face was nuzzled into Todds shoulder, and his eyes were tightly closed. It was not yet light out, Todd checked the clock to see that it was about three in the morning. He tried to move his hand but found it resting up against Sean's stomach, and he decided to let it stay there. He could feel him breathing, his body rising and falling.
In the dark, Seans features were obscured, his face made up of dark and light blotches that made up a Rorshach. When Todd looked directly at it, he could imagine that Seans' eyes were open or shut, mouth gaping, anything he wanted. Most often he thought of him wide awake.
It might have been minutes or hours, but Todd fell back to sleep and awoke at the feeling of Sean moving arond next to him. Todd opened his eyes and saw the boy rolling over onto his back and putting hands behind his head. Sean saw Todd looking at him and smiled.
"Morning Todd."
"Yeah, early Sean. Its not even seven yet."
"But its light out. I had to wake up."
"Dont you have a hangover man, you were like college freshman last night. All we needed was the funnel."
"Now that you mention it, yeah."
"Dude, go back to sleep, you'll feel better when the rest of the world wakes up."
"Naw, I gotta stretch my joints dude. I'm stiff all over."
Todd grinned. "All over Sean?"
"Hey, it is morning isn't it. I tell the time by my crotch. 'Have you looked at the crotch lately, its time to get up'"
"You're a crazy kid you know that?"
"Yessir."
Sean pushed back the covers and sat up, with his back to Todd. Todd looked at the back of him, trying to see through him all the way to the front. Sean, standing up, scratched his head and stretched.
"Jesus I'm sweaty," said Sean.
"sleeping in your clothes will do that. Myself, i sleep naked."
"you do not bitch, you're just as dressed as i am."
"naw, in the middle of the night I stripped and molested you."
"Like you did to Brad?"
"Uhm, he said that? What is wrong with him?" Todd dared, "its like he's gone gay or something."
"Nothing wrong with that. Oscar Wilde was gay you know. So was Truman Capote."
"Uhm, who?"
"Authors, Wilde wrote The Picture of Dorian Gray, about this guy who wants to always look young so he bargains that he never ages, but his picture does. And Capote wrote In Cold Blood and Breakfast at Tiffany's"
"Oh, like that song? 'And i said what about Breakfast at Tiffany's'" Todd sang out of tune.
Sean pretended to gag and lightly punched Todd in the jaw for fun. "Yeah."
"Cool"
Sean peeled off his shirt.
"Hey man, this aint no strip club." said Todd.
"Hey, i'm sweating. Your P Funk shirt is like thermal and these damn black jeans are like Gore Tex bitch."
With that, Sean unbuttoned the pants and pulled them off, then climbed back into bed. Todd was immediately erect, thinking about Sean in his bed. Sean rolled onto his stomach and closed his eyes. "When do you jerk off Todd, morning noon or night?'
"All of the above, why?"
"No reason. Just acting all curious."
"I mean dude, feel free, I'll just lay here and sleep."
"I don;t think so Todd. I don't think so. I wouldn't make you that happy."
"Man, you just being here makes me happy." said Todd sarcastically.
"I know. You love me, right? Thats what they all say."
Todd rolled over onto his stomach and looked at Sean, looked right into his eyes.
"Hey Sean?" he whispered.
"Uhm, hey Todd."
"Whats the sickest thing you've ever done?'
"Uhm, I ran around naked in front of my Kindergarden teacher."
"Dude, that doesn't count."
"Well how about you?"
"Looked at Brad's dick."
"Yeah, thats the sickest thing I've ever heard."
"Shut up man," and Todd smacked Sean lightly on the cheek. He let his hand rest there, Sean didn't move it.
"Sean, you need to shave man. You're like the king of stubble."
"Am not!"
Todd let his hand slide down Sean's face until his fingers touched Seans lips. Sean had his eyes closed. Todd let his hand move down and rest on Sean's chest.
"Dude, what are you doing?" Sean said between breaths.
"Nothing man, you want me to stop?"
"Well, if its nothing than theres nothing to stop so I guess not."
Todd took a deep breath and pulled back the sheets. Sean was still wearing the briefs Todd had given him the night before, his penis no longer fully erect but noticeably bulging out against the cotton. Todd's hand rested on Seans stomach.
Sean breathed in heavy and his stomach rippled. Todd hooked his fingers under the elastic and pushed in deeper. He felt the top of Sean's pubic hair and then pulled out. Sean's eyes opened and looked at Todd. Todd awkwardly put his hand back against his side, sheepish. Sean closed his eyes, reached down and took hold of Todd's hand. He picked it up and led it back to his crotch.
Todd pulled down the briefs. Seans dick was hard now and was hovering above his stomach. It was average when hard, like soft, and was straight.
Todd thought for a second before putting his hand on it. He wrapped his fingers around Sean and began to pull on him very lightly. As he did this, he was getting hard as well, his dick beginning to push at his jeans.
Sean reached over and Todd could feel fingers on the crotch of his denims. Slowly they mad their way up to his waistband and unbuttoned it, then pulling down the zipper. Todd lay back and raised his hips, letting Sean slide his jeans all the way off, now in boxers alone.
Sean reached inside and pulled out Todds dick through the fly. It was bigger than his own, more in proportion to his body. Thicker than Seans, it was straight as well. Now, the two boys laying side by side, They began to devote themselves to each other.
Sean began to buck his hips, pushing up against each of Todds down strokes, his ass lifting off the bed each time. Todd was no where near as close as Sean was, still laying back in awe of the experience. Seans strokes on Todd slowed and he took two fingers and stroked the head. Todd lost it then, he writhed on the bed and let out a sharp moan, and Sean did it again, sending waves of pleasure through Todd. Todd tried the same manuever on Sean and it had the same effect, Sean drew in air through his nose and raised his hips even higher, twisting back and forth.
Todd was getting close, "Sean, you close?" he breathed.
"Yeah man. close."
Todd began to jerk Sean off faster than before, his hand a blur on Seans dick. Todd felt Sean's penis expand and then conract like a pump and Sean was humping air as he came. The first shot hit him directly on the neck, the rest somewhere on his stomach and chest. Todd's hand was covered in Seans cum as well.
Sean's hand has slipped off of Todd's dick, but it returned as soon as Sean regained his composure. Sean did not increase his speed, he kept steady, running his hand up and down with constant pressure.
"Oh God."
He came all the way up Seans forearm and then onto his own chest. He panted, his breath gone and all this energy having just rushed out the head of his penis. He reached over and grabbed his boxers from beside him and wiped himself, while Sean collapsed and used Todd's P Funk shirt, the purple stained with white.
When they were clean, Todd looked at Sean, who had his eyes shut tight, as if he was about to cry.
"Sean? Whats wrong man?"
He was crying, "What did you think about Todd? When we did it."
"Man dont cry please. Come on."
"Todd what did you think about?"
Todd got up on his elbows and looked at Sean. "I was thinking about you."
Sean looked up at him and mouthed something, no sound came. Todd was pretty sue he was trying to say "I thought about you."
Todd smiled, his own eyes welling up. Sean slid over and pressed his body up against Todd's Naked, Sean fit perfect into Todd's arms. Todd wrapped his arms around Sean's back and put his head on his chest. Looking up, their eyes met and Sean leaned down and kissed Todd lightly on his cheek. Todd pulled him tighter and put his lips against Seans. They quickly tried to press closer but it was impossible, only skin kept them from being one person. Todd began to kiss Sean, Sean laying back against the pillow with his arm around Todds neck.
They broke apart just to look at each other. Sean put his head on Todds chest and Todd began to stroke his hair. Sean began to breath slower as he drifted off to sleep. Todd stayed awake though, every now and then forgetting which leg was his and which was Seans until eventually he could not tell them apart.
Part Four
After prying themselves apart, finally, close to noon, Todd went to take a shower while Sean rummaged through the empty house searching for food. Sean was walking around shirtless, wrapped in a blue blanket and found a jug of orange juice in the fridge, which he poured into a glass and sat down on the big black couch in the televison room. He put the glass down on the coffee table and sat back, looking up at the cycling ceiling fan.
Sean could listen to the sound of Todd in the shower, over the sound of ceiling fan. The sound of water running up and down the pipes in the walls, carrying water from the basement to the upstairs. Sean could picture Todd, washing, casually. Sean figured that most everything that Todd did was casual, he seemed at ease with most anything that he attempted. Sean remembered a day a long time ago when he had seen Todd playing basketball after school with a bunch of other students. It was the beginning of winter, and frost had just started to cover the ground but they were playing in short sleeves. Todd and Brad were on one team, and two other boys were playing against them. Sean was sitting, eating his lunch inside and watching them play. He could watch them intently, without ever being noticed. Brad was the better player, taller and stronger. His aim was impeccable, but Todd was fascinating when he played. Not only did his hair become soaked with sweat and hung limp over his eyes, swinging as he moved. And he moved like no one else. He missed about seventy five percent of all his shots, fell down twice, and ran into a brick wall. But he did it all with a look of complete confidence, as if every mistake he made was planned beforehand.
That was the day that Sean first noticed Todd as a boy rather than just another person. Before he had known Todd as the kid that the teachers always called on because of a blank look that showed him daydreaming. For a while, Todd used to sit through class half asleep, woken up by a call of his name or the teacher slamming his hand on the desk. But after the game, watching him move, Sean realized just how good looking Todd really was. He epitomized every standard that Sean had, every secret desire that he had. For years, Sean coveted Todd, but Todd was always too popular, even when they shared classes they never spoke. Brad was always at Todd's side, either doting like an obediant dog or leading Todd around the school.
Brad outshadowed even Todd's demeanor of serenity. Brad never made a mistake, even though he never tried at school, he seemed to be ignored by the teachers. He slept through Chemistry, not even supposed to be taking the class, and the teacher didn't even bother to wake him up. Sean was scared of Brad, because of the fact that Brad was perfect, too perfect to approach, and he had all of Todd's attention.
"Wake up." came Todd's voice from no where.
Sean sat up with a start, wrapped the blanket back around his chest. Todd was coming down the stairs, towel around his waist, pulling a shirt on.
"Dude, I think you're supposed to put some pants on with that." said Sean.
"This is what I do man, leave me alone." And he sat down next to Sean on the couch, and kicked his legs up on the coffee table. Sean was nervous at the presence of Todd naked next to him, the slit up the front of the towel coming all the way up to the his lower thigh, hanging off. Sean surreptiously studied Todd's legs, all the way up. His shins were covered with brown hair, but his knees and thighs were still blonde and soft. Todd shifted and the view was lost, Sean felt himself getting an erection.
Todd looked over at Sean and smiled. "So, what do you want to do today, I mean, you can stay if you want?"
"Uhm, well what do you want to do." Stay home, be with me.
"Well, I went out to buy a cd two days ago at Buckland Hills, Bauhaus, and the cd was the wrong one. So i gotta return that to Sam Goody. So I guess we could go to the mall. Get some lunch."
Sean thought about it. "Sure, I'll go get dressed."
Sean got up and Todd followed. Up the stairs and back into Todd's room.
Without warning, Todd dropped his towel and pulled on a pair of boxers.
Sean was almost cumming in his shorts at Todd's nakedness.
"Dude, I gotta go use the bathroom man," and Sean walked off.
In Todd's bathroom, Sean stood looking at himself. His chin resting on his chest he looked straight down at his growing crotch, his boxers around his ankles like a flood. He thought about it, thought about touching himself, with Todd just five feet away from him getting dressed, but instead, he sat down, and desperately tried to think unsexy thoughts.
Todd banging on the door. "Sean, we're leaving dude, get off the can."
Sean buttoned up quickly, and exited after flushing, trying to disguise his motivations. Sean picked a shirt off of Todds bed that he figured was meant for him, and pulled it over his head. Then the two exited the room ad headed for the mall.
Buckland Hills wasn't exactly walking distance, but it was still accesable by foot. But the two boys had to walk the meridian on the road, passed by cars speeding to the highways, in order to get there. They walked up past a Pizzeria Uno where Todd said they'd eat later, and past a row of condos, up a hill and to the mall. Entering through the Filene's enterance, they made their way through it and found themselves surrounded by the people millinh about.
Sean stopped dead in his tracks. For a second he thought that every person had turned to look at him. He had to find a mirrored surface in order to make sure he wasnt wearing some sort of clue, some sort of scarlet letter that would give him away. Nothing though, they were'nt even looking in his direction, and the few who were blinked away quickly, as if he were just a block in their way to be passed on their way to the stores.
Todd whipped out a Sam Goody bag from tucked between his jeans and the small of his back. They proceeded up the escalators on the far end of the mall and up into the record store. Todd explained on the way that he had heard that the only place to keep a gun was in the small of your back, because no one ever bothered to pat you down there. Todd was just trying to act dangerous, and Sean was won over. Todd, through his quick quicky anecdotal stories, had quickly become the dangerous one, almost a criminal to Sean. Todd started talking about the time he had hidden a tape recorder there in order to tape a concert while he was flipping through some discs, waiting for the customer service line to lessen.
Sean saw him before Todd did, striding across the store in pants so baggy that special schooling was needed just to walk in them without falling on your face, your waistband pushed so far down that your entire ass fell out.
Brad was with his posse of skaters, looking like they had just escaped a Phish concert from the glazed half cognizent looks in their eyes. Brad made his way over to Todd, practically pushed Sean away without even noticing him, and snatched the disc Todd was holding away.
"Hey Brad. Uhm, Tricky? What is this shit you buy man?" said Brad, flanked by his backup.
"Nothing, just stuff. Anyways, what are you guys doing here?" said Todd.
"We just stopped off at the chinese food place and thought we'd come over here and check out the reggae section. What are you doing here, and with him," indicating Sean with a turn of his head. Brad wasn't really being troublesome, he just didn't know how to control his mouth.
"He stayed over last night, we came out for some pizza and records."
"Got a new boyfriend huh?" Brad wrapped an arm around Todd's waist and rubbed his hip against him jokingly, "I feel so very much cheated upon."
Sean watched all this with disturbed fascination. Here was Todd, the person who only hours ago had held his penis in his hands, now joking around with Brad, making jibes about homosexuality.
"Naw man, hes a just my friend. That queer shit doesn't get me off much."
"Man, you lie," Brad said, "man you are a great liar."
Brad reached over a tousled Todd's hair and indicated with his head again, "See her, now that. That is just waht you need to overcome your deviancy Todd."
A girl was sitting on a bench just outside the store, framed by a potted tree and the escalator. She was wearing a pair of plaid pants and a gas station attendant shirt that said her name was Philip. Her hair was shirt and black but she was very pretty, her face still soft and china dolled despite her mannish clothes. She looked like the first female member of Rancid.
Todd made a look like he was fainting before he licked his lips and said "Brad man, you do know what I like dude."
Sean backed away, almost fading into the racks of cds, becoming one with the plastic and paper. He wanted to be a shadow, nothing, just slide away but he couldn't. He felt this pain come burning through the bridge of his nose and shoot from one end of his forehead to the other. His stomach hurt, he had shrunk to less than three feet tall and wanted to shrink some more.
He slipped away then, vanishing out of the store and all thway to the bathroom before sinking down into a stall and sobbing.
His back was against the toilet, his knees were in his chest and he wanted them to break his skull as he let his head rest on his hands.
The door opened and shut and he could see Todd's sneakers under the door.
Todd called out his name. Not the way you'd call for your lover, but the way you'd call for a lost pet. A searching, plaintive call, full of emotion but because of a lost possession, not lost love.
Sean said "I'm here. In here."
Todd pushed open the door and saw Sean sitting on the floor, tears still wet but no longer flowing.
"Where's Brad?" hissed Sean.
"Left. Man what the hells wrong with you dude? We were having a great time and then you're gone, you're practically running from me and then you're crying in the can?"
"Dude.....I dunno..."
"Listen Todd, I know you got pissed when I started joking around with those guys, but you gotta understand me that what we did this morning was great.
But I also feel like its not something I'm really into. I mean, I got off real good, but lets not forget the fact that we're guys here."
"What..."
"I mean, we're friends."
"Fucking liar. Fucking liar!" Sean stood up and pushed Todd over and onto the floor. Lying there, looking up, Sean stood away from him and wiped his nose. "Motherfucker, you're a fucking liar man. You know just as well....you know just as well what you felt. You and I know. You have to understand..."
Angered. "Understand what man, what more can I tell you than I don't like you that way."
Sean stepped back, turned and walked away, pushed through the doors and left. Todd, picked himself up off the tiles, and stood. Looking in the mirror, he wondered if he looked any different.
Part Five
The room was flooded in inky blackness, coated in the color of coal. Underneath this heavy black lay a form, rising and falling beneath heavy sheets. Uneasy sleep, permeated with that same darkness that was pervasive in the room. Todd rolled over and stared at the ceiling.
In the back of his mind, he knew it was morning, but no light was visible under the blinds or from under the door. He tried to kick of the sheets, but his feet became tangled in them, like a bear trap, clamping down. He found himself so surrounded that he decided to stay in bed, until light flooded the room and his mother was seen silhouetted in the doorway, an incomprehensible form, a dark blot on the sun.
She said nothing after she saw his eyes were open, and left without closing the door. Todd sat up, and felt the immediate cold on his bare chest and exposed legs. Between his legs he could feel an unwanted erection fighting against cloth. It rubbed against the fabric until Todd swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood. He pulled the waistband out and stuck his penis under it, holding it to his stomach. He searched for a shirt and pulled one on.
The shower was uncomfortable. The water running down his back seemed to burn hotter. the tendrils that slid between his legs were not arousing, the soap seemed coarse and harsh. Shampoo stung his eyes, the steam was causing his eyes to close and water, his throat seizing shut. He could not see his body through it, viscous.
Todd did not eat that morning. He simply left the house and walked to school.
In the hall that morning, he thought he might have seen Sean turning a corner towards the science wing, knowing that Sean took science in the afternoon. A couple of times, he thought he heard him laughing, knowing that Sean would not be laughing this morning. When he finally did see Sean, he was sitting in a classroom, head down and scribbling in a notebook, his legs firmly planted on the floor, his face twisted into what Todd figured concentration must have looked like, or disgust.
Lunch was held in the gym that day, after the cafeteria was being used as a stage for the school play. Todd and Brad sat down at one end of the gym at a table and ate in silence. Sean did not come to lunch.
Brad was, of course, the first to speak. "Todd, whats got you down man?"
"Nothing. I mean, nothing important."
"Dude, of course somethings wrong, you look terrible."
"Did I ever look that good?"
"Sure you did. This is just....you just really sad."
"I'm not, really. Just a little worried about something."
"About Sean, right? Thats it, right?"
"I guess so."
"Listen Todd, I mean, I have no idea what the deal is between you two, but I can say this. That you should put it behind you until he gets over things. I mean, there's no use to trying to talk to someone when they're like that."
"Maybe."
"Listen dude, I was going to go to Star Wars tonight with a bunch of friends, but you look like you need some cheering up, so I'll ditch them and take you instead, alright?"
"Yeah? I mean, don't worry really."
"Naw man, you're coming. Just drop by about five and we'll go out, after, I dunno, we'll talk."
The remainder of the day passed without incident, Brad and Todd kept themselves together, they walked together, went everywhere together. Parasitically affixed to each other, as if Brad was feeding off Todd's pain and Todd likewise on Brad's compassion.
Later that night, Todd had just finished changing out of his soccer clothes at his house. He was walking through his room, across to get himself into some jeans and he felt himself getting dizzy until Todd fell down on top of his bed. He lay there panting heavily, sweat beading all over his forehead and a steady pounding growing in his skull. He sat up, and blamed it on the soccer practice, dehabitilitating and draining. Figured all the excercise had made him weak.
Brad arrived at Todd's door at exactly six. He was dressed like a skater, which was not a giant shock. The surprise was how much smaller he looked without his band of skaters around him. Without them, their prop, Brad looked about three inches shorter, thinner, and younger. His face was a half moon in the shadow of the porchlight, one eye bright and clear, the other obscured by darkness. Brad came inside for a soda before they both took the walk down to the cinema.
They bought two tickets, the line was oddly short, and went inside, Brad stopping to buy some Sour Patch kids and another soda before he entered the theater and sat down next to Todd. Todd was made suddenly aware of how close Brad was to him, a plastic arm rest all that was preventing them from sitting the same seat. Todd could have put his arm on that plastic, and their arms would have touched, he could have felt how warm Brad was. If Todd really concentrated, he could feel a difference in the temperature next to him. He could feel Brad breathe conducted through the chairs, he could feel it all.
Brad handed Todd the box of Sour Patch Kids. "Here dude, hold onto these, I gotta go take a squirt."
Todd took the box and put it between his legs to hold it, a soda in his other hand. Todd put out his left hand and felt Brad's seat, it was still warm and mishappen from Brad's ass sitting on it. He kept his hand there for a minute, feeling it as if he were feeling Brad himself until he reappeared and made his way back to his seat in time for the Coming Attractions.
"Dude, what'd you do with the Sour Patch Kids?"
"I got them," and he nodded down, indicating the box.
"Ah hah, thought you could keep them from me if you put them down there?
Well guess again."
Brad reached down between Todds legs and his fingers pushed inside the box, fumbling around inside, moving the box against Todd's inner thighs and crotch. Todd could not escape the knowledge that Brads fingers were just on the other side of the cardboard, divided by a millimeter of soft paper.
"Got one," he said, "and pulled away as the movie began. Todd was left with an erection growing in his pants. It was impossible to deny, nothing could get in the way of it.
After the movie Todd and Brad walked home, imitating Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader, running around like maniacs, high on sugar. Todd had a make believe light saber that was really a small branch and Brad was jusy pretending to be holding on to one as the fought down the road outside Brads house.
Brad opened the door with a key that he kept around his neck with a necklace, and stepped inside. The house was decoarated like a normal house from a distance, but all the family pictures were really Brads parents with Ken Kesey or Tim Leary, and all the paintings were of Hindu or Buddhist images. Brad swung his head back, his hair tossing over his shoulders as he climbed the stairs, and opened the door to his bedroom.
Brad's bedroom was covered in skating posters and phish concert ticket stubbs, a large bong hidden in the closet without much thought going into the hiding, just under a few shirts. His bed was a matress that sat on the floor, looked like it was last used by William S. Burroughs in Tangiers from the dark stains all over it, the sheets discarded.
"Uhm, I'll make you up the bed, Ill sleep on the couch tonight i guess"
The couch was more like a large recliner that once opened would never close. It was burnt through with cigarette holes and creaked uncontrollably at the slighest move. Brad suddenly looked very tired, his shoulders slumped. He ran a hand through his hair and blinked his eyes while turning on the radio, to some free form jazz station from a college somewhere. He sat down on the chair. Todd began to make the bed, knowing the Brad had forgotten already.
Within ten minutes all the lights but a candle were off, the candle burning on Brads desk, and Todd was laying down on his bed, Brad still sitting up. Brad had his head turned in Todds direction, but his face was a dark blotch, his eyes not seen, could have been closed.
Brad got up, and walked over to Todd, and sat down on the floor beside him. "You know what man?"
"What?"
"I know whats going on with you and that Sean kid."
Todd sat up with a start, "What about Sean? Like what?"
Sleepily, "You're fucking each other, right?"
Slowly Todd sank back down into the bed. Brad sounded so tired, so sad that he couldn't help but feel attracted to him, beside his bed. But Brad had guessed it, Brad had seen through the lies and the disguises.
Todd sat up. He nodded silently, he felt like crying. He had just come out of the closet to his best friend since they were little kids. He looked to Brad to see his reaction, but Brad was strangy still. A candle light flew across his eyes, lighting them up. They were full of hunger.
Todd could see it a mile away, could have moved away, but it was quicker than he thought, and maybe he did not want to move. Brads hand was suddenly on his thigh, his fingers wrapped around and into the crevice between. His hand was moving up Todds leg. Brad looked as if he had entered a trance. The tips of his fingers found their way up and pressed against Todds crotch. Todd gasped and lifted off the bed at that slight touch.
Sleepily, Brad began to mumble, "If you dont wanna, just tell me, cause then I'll stop, but please man, you know just lie still just stay there please Todd."
Todd made no moves to push Brad away as he felt him unbutton his jeans and pull the open and down. Todd was hard and poking out of his boxers, which were ripped down. Todd felt the warmth off Brads hand around him and he took his hand and put it on Brad's leg and squeezed him. Brad stood up, taking his hand off of Todd and he stripped off his shirt and pants, naked now, and lay down next to Todd. Todd felt Brad's erection burying itself into his leg as Brad pushed himself closer. It felt huge, overbearing and hot against him, as Brad gripped Todd again and began to rub his cock against Todd's leg.
Todd reached down and touched the head with his hand, and felt how large it was, and then let his hand travel down the shaft, until he was touching pubic hair, then began to pull on him. They lay there, intertwined by their pistonlike arms pumping each other when Brad sat up and Todd felt him above.
"Todd, listen Todd, I'm gonna do something, I wanna do something, alright?"
Todd nodded anxiously and felt Brad in motion, down towards his waiting dick. Hot breath. Todd felt hot breath on his dick as Brad put his face up to it, and almost sniffed like a dog. Todd turned his head and saw Brads ass as he was on his knees bending over him. Todd felt himself being surrounded by a warm wetness. He felt as if he was going to come right then. Brad raised one knee as a signal and Todd slid under him, his face looking up at Brad from underneath. He had never been this close before, he could smell Brads sweat from soccer and the faint smell of semen.
Opened wide, Brad pushed his hips down low enough so his dick brushed Todds lips and then Todd raised his head and took the head in. Brad bucked his hips violently and jammed it down into Todds mouth, at the same time Todd began to feel Brad settle into a steady tempo below, every now and then his teeth would rake across it and Todd would flinch, but Brad seemed not to notice. Todd reached up put both hands on Brads ass, pulling him down.
Brad made a choking sound and pulled off, swallowed once and then returned to Todds dick. He took his hand and put it on Todd's balls, fingers underneath and rubbing. Todd felt like he was floating above the bed, turning over and flipping in the air.
Todd let his fingers run along Brad's ass, feeling the light hairs. Brad tried his tongue on Todd, licking up and down and nuzzling his nose in pubic hairs. Todd felt it building inside him, running up through him.
He began to buck his hips. Brad tried to take it all, but kept on backing off and letting Todd's hips come to him, Todd took his mouth off of Brad "Dude, I'm cumming, pull back dude."
Brad sat up quick and Todd began to come, it shot up and all over his chest, and hit Brad in the shoulder. Todd lay there panting for a second before he felt Brad pushing his dick into his mouth and Todd opened wide. Brad put his hands on the bed like he was doing push ups and began to fuck Todds head, doing all the work himself. His face, unseen by Todd, was a combination of pleasure and pain of trying not cum too quickly. He gave no warning. He slammed his hips one final time before Todd felt Brads come shooting down his throat like a water pistol.
Brad collapsed into a heap on top of Todd, and slowly rolled off, his penis still hard but shrinking fast, still leaking cum. Todd swallowed deep and Brad lay next to him. Todd put his hand on his own penis and felt how wet it was, cum and spit.
"Todd, man, thanks."
"For what dude?'
"That, letting me get off."
Brad rolled off the bed and stood up. In the light Todd could see his whole body illuminated. His chest was smooth and muscled, his abdominals rippling down his abdomen. His dick was still sticking out from his crotch, and was slowly losing blood back to a his brain.
That is how we forget, thought Todd, that lack of blood with clouds the memories. Seeing Brad's dick made him remember the pain in his throar where Brad had fucked him raw. All of sudden, Brad looked much less attractive, and more like a rapist, making Todd the willing victim.
Brad made his way to the chair and lay down. In the shadows his body was gone, save his lower half. It came to Todd that maybe that was all Brad was.
Part Six
There is a guilt that follows the act, a deep feeling that inhabits the skull and creates a dull pain. It's the guilt that arises from the realization of what occured only seconds ago, hypnotized. Todd could not sleep, his head was heavy and he couldn't get himself to sit up or roll over, it was too much of an effort. Across the room, sleeping soundly, was Brad in his recliner. He had tossed his blanket off in his sleep and lay naked, devoid of modesty, unconcious of the way his legs were spread. Todd lay in an uncomfortable ball on the cold mattress, never made up, and colder in the stained places, from whatever wetness had been there.
Between his legs, was the remains of what had been only fiften minutes ago, his erection. As much as he tried to will it down, he couldn't do it, his mind was not strong enough to supercede his libido. He wrapped his arms around his body and hugged himself, beginning to cry in the silence. It made no sound, but ran up from his chest and into his head like an undulating wave, his spine gone rubbery and whipping as if it were a snake.
He could only think of one thing. How much he had loved it when Brad had touched him. He tried to chase this thought out of his head and replace it with the hands of Sean. But for some reason, he could not remember Seans face, and for a while, it stayed that way.
Sun broke harshly, an explosian of flat, white light, and it woke Brad, striking his eyes. He sat up with a start, and looked himself over. His eyes flashed past his own naked body to Todd, sleeping five feet away.
Disgusted with himself, he stood and pulled on the boxers he discarded the night before and fled the scene of the crime to the bathroom.
Todd was woken by the sound of the shower, a rumbling wetness underneath the mattress. He stood up and began to get himself dressed. Searching for his clothes in the pile that had accumulated on the floor, he almost pulled on Brad's shirt, but found his own instead. Before Brad had even come out of the shower, Todd had dressed and left the house. He thought about leaving a morning after note. One that explained everything, but he knew that Brad would never understand what he would try to say. Brad still occupied a certain stereotype to Todd, for sure, that mid teen experiemental stage, brought on by exhaustion, hormones, alcohol or all three. It was in that stereotype that Todd found the basis for his anger. Brad had taken advantage of him, fucked him as one might have fucked an object, nothing more. There had been no loving touches, no embrace after the act, nothing to make Todd assume that Brad had any motives other that selfish carnal satisfaction. The truth was as cold as the weather, and Todd had left his coat at home.
He returned to his house for a quick shower before he went to school, now afraid to face two people instead of two. Entering the double doors that morning, Todd expected to be greeted by either a leering smile or a sarcastic laugh. Instead, no one was waiting for him at the door, or anywhere past them. In class, Brad sat far away at the back of the room, drawing in his notebook. Sean was no where, no matter how hard he searched.
After failing an Algebra test miserably, distracted, Todd went home in the pouring rain, which served not only as a convenient metaphor for his situation, but also as a literal expression of his mind. Soaked to the bone, Todd went straight up to his room and fell onto his bed. He pulled his knees up to his chest and fell into a deep sleep, the first since he betrayed Sean, the sleep uncluttered and dreamless, like death.
The phone was ringing, far off, at the end of a long tunnel. Slowly, it became louder until Todd was ripped from sleep and saw that darkness had fallen, and the light on the phone was pulsing on and off. He fumbled and picked it up.
"Yes?"
There was a loud silence at the other end. No breath, nothing. But the presence was there. The feeling of another person.
"Hello? Who is this? Brad?"
The caller hung up.
It had to be Sean, he concluded. It had to be, it had to be.
Dinner was being held downstairs, Todd claimed he was not hungry and declared he was going for a walk. No amount of protest could stop him, nothing could have. He made his way as if in a trance down streets he had almost never walked on until he faced Sean's house. All the lights were on, lit from within like a bonfire was raging inside. Todd wanted to call out, do his best Streecar Named Desire impression and cry out Sean's name.
Calling out against the heavy rain, his weak and parched voice, as if just crossed over a desert and blocked with sand.
Instead, he crossed, and knocked on the door.
The curtains parted and a womans face came into view. She looked aprehensive and opened the door, stopping it halfway with her foot. "Hello, yes?"
"Uhm, is Sean home?"
"Yes, he's studying up in his room. Does he know you're coming?"
"Not really."
"Alright, come in."
Todd stepped onto enemy soil. Looking up at the uncommonly tall woman who had let him in, he felt like he had infiltrated base camp, at the same time feeling like a double agent caught in the act. He went up the stairs.
The doorway at the end of the hall was framed by luminesence, unearthly, odd. Behind it, Todd knew, sat Sean, buried in books like every knew he would be, desperately studying. Perhaps he had gotten past their argument, perhaps it was over.
Todd made cordial and knocked.
"I'll be down for dinner in a minute, okay, jus finishing this up," said the voice. Behind a wooden door, across meters of space, through insulation, barely audible. Sean.
"No Sean, its me."
Silence, like the silence after a bomb goes off, dead in the wake of the cacophony that preceded, dense and lingering. Like a heavy smothering blanket. Muffled yet loud silence. The silence of realization and fear.
"What?"
"You know what I said Sean."
"Oh god. Oh shit. What?"
"I want to come in, please Sean, can I come in?"
The door was opened, slowly. Sean stood in that light, silhouetted for a moment, black and featureless, then recognizable. His hair was messy, his body slouched. Todd wanted to hold him, he looked about to fall apart. He moved back and let Todd in, then returning to his desk. Sean pretended to be reading, but could not stop looking upo at Todd, who stood across the room.
"Is that all I am? To you? One night?" Sean said.
Todd almost fell, knees weak.
"Sean, listen."
"I've listened to you Todd. I could hear you great the first time you know."
"No, listen to me now dammit."
Sean spun around in his chair and faced Todd. "Answer me. Give me on good reason i should let you in here."
"I'm already here Sean."
Sean sank his head, and looked at the floor. "I'm broken you know. You really hurt me."
Todd started to go to him. "Dont Todd, what do you think, you can fix me or something? Like its that easy."
"No man, I just...."
"I can't do this man, you have no idea. I mean, the way you treated me and then you come back, all nice and shit. Like some sort of tricky kid. Like you're someone special. Like you had the right." Sean was crying now.
"I dont have the right, dont; i have the right to say i'm sorry?"
"I dont know, you know, i have no fucking idea,"
Todd went to him, knealt down and looked up at Sean. His eyes were dripping wet, soaked. Open though, stinging in the light, saline and cutting thick streams down his cheeks.
"Listen to me. Please."
"Yeah, fine. What?"
Todd tried to think of some easy way to say he was sorry. Some easy cauterizing tool to stop the bleeding. Nothin came.
"I've missed you so much. Sean, I've missed you so much."
Sean looked down. Sniffed. Swallowed. Blinked. Todd knew that his apology had worked from the look in Seans eyes.
Todd leaned up to kiss him. He grazed Seans lips before he pulled back.
"I have to go eat dinner. Uhm, you can stay if you want." And with that, Sean left the room.
Over dinner, the two sat next to each other and made small talk with Seans mother and father. Over spaghetti with sauce and bread. Sitting next to each other, they were not afforded eye contact.
After dinner, they made their way back up stairs, after saying goodnight to Seans mother, who slept early, and his father who sat at the televison and would soon sleep as well.
Sean walked over to the bed, Todd followed. Sitting down, Sean watched as Todd sat down next to him. Sean was nervous, sitting on the bed, vulnerable.
Todd reached out and touched his face. Sean almost fell back, but glided down onto the bed, softly.
"Todd, I dont think...I mean, I'm not sure."
Todd put his head down on Seans chest and let it lay there, feeling his lungs expand and contract. He pulled himself up and around Sean, fitting himself next to him, killing all air pockets. He could feel the warmth beneath the clothes, the flesh beneath the skin. Sean put one hand in Todds hair and stroked it. Todd closed his eyes.
"I love you Sean, you know that right?"
Looking up, Sean was fighting tears. Todd pulled himself up Seans body and looked into him. "you know that, right?"
Sean pulled Todd close and kissed him. Eyes closed, Sean put one arm around Todd and pulled him up and on top of him, hugging him. They drifted apart and Todd asked again, knowing the answer, wanting to hear it, knowing the truth. Needing to know. "You know that, right?"
"I know that."
Todd reached down and pulled off his shirt, tossing it on the floor.
"Here, let me help you" Todd rolled off Sean and pulled off his shirt as well. Todd lay there, and let his fingers stroke Seans chest as they stared at the ceiling.
Seans fingers pushed their way into Todds hand and they rubbed the inside of his palm.
Todd reached down and unbuttoned Seans pants, opening them, pulling them down. Sean closed his eyes and smiled.
Todd put his hand on Seans crotch, not pushing inside, letting Sean make the call. Sean leaned closer to Todd, in a whisper. "Todd, I love you too"
Todd slipped his fingers inside the waistband of Seans boxers. Pulling them down, Sean slid out of them and they fell to the floor. Sean began to fumble with Todds jeans. Each tiny pressure made Todd more excited. He looked Sean over, naked, in the light. He felt his jeans pop open and air rush in, and they were pulled down, his boxers with them.
Sean turned off the light. In the dark, Sean reached out for Todd and his hand ran from crotch to face and let Todd reach around him and rub the small of his back, pulling him closer. Their penises met, crushed between them, and Sean threw one leg over Todd. He was inadvertently rubbing himself up against Todds thighs, his dick growing. They kissed again.
Todd reached down between them and felt Sean, stopping him from pressing against him. Todd rested his head on Seas shoulder as he began to rub his penis. Sean gasped and opened his mouth wide, kissed Todd on the cheek.
Todd ran his fingers from the tip of Sean to the base, gripping light and feeling every ridge and part. Then felt Seans own hand rub down his chest and find itself on Todds penis. They began to work in synchronicity, pulling on each other until Todd slowly slid down Sean and buried his head in his stomach.
Sean drew in breath fast, knowing what Todd was doing. He reached down and placed both hands on Todds head, kneading the hair and pushing it down gently, until Todd was level with his penis, and took it in his mouth.
Sean bent back, his head tipped back, mouth open. He could feel himself surrounded by Todd, Todd's warmth. After a minute, Todd broke and pushed himself up and stared into Seans eyes.
Sean disappeared under the sheets, moving and squirming until his legs were wrapped around Todd's neck, and now they began again. Todd felt Sean tenentively place his open lips on him, then retreat, then quickly opened and engulfed him, to the base. Todd did the same to Sean, running his tongue up and down the underside of Sean's dick until he could feel Sean tightening and contracting. Todd reached around and put both hands on Seans ass and pulled him closer, running his finger from balls to the small of the back.
Silently, Sean began to grind against Todds face and Todd pushed himself closer. Burying his face in Seans pubic hair, he felt his penis stiffen and then kick like the recoil of a gun, jutting up and then forward, starting.
Todd felt Seans cum fill his mouth and he swallowed it, and then let Sean slide out of his mouth. Below, Todd was still holding out, as Sean felt under Todds balls and pressed a finger into him.
Todd felt his entire body rush out of him through his penis, like from the top of his skull, all that fluid and organs drained out of him in one sluice.
All running out as if something had open a drain at the bottom of him and let him out. Sean took it, rode it out.
They broke and fell apart, laying side by side, inverted, kicked the covers off and lay in the cool air. Sweaty and panting, Sean gurgled and then spun, up to face Todd, where he put one hand on his face and ran his fingers down his cheek. He could feel, under his skin, the bones and muscles, on his skin the unshaven sideburns and bristles of adolescence. Todd lay back and let Sean rest his head in the crook of his neck, stil breathing heavy, still swallowing with difficulty. Todd put a hand on Sean's head and felt for his lips, exploring his face, quiet and closed. Each feature new, made strange in the dark.
Todd felt it remarkable, as he fell asleep, the reconstruction took so little, just three simple words, perhaps even understood. It was the enunciation of them, the speech that made the difference. Superficial as it seemed, as unimportant as display and compensation seemed, it was, altogether, needed. The heart of love seemed to Todd to be simplicity, that a persons heart could be calmed with words.
He held Sean tighter. Todd held the boy he loved.
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