Authors note: This is a translation of a Swedish story I wrote a few years ago. Although it has during this process been improved when it comes to small flaws that tend to find their way in it is essentially unchanged. I don't want this story posted on other sites without my approval, if you want it posted on another site please sent me the address and I will take a look.
I always like to get feedback on my stories and if you wish to send me some my address is: vesuvius83@gmail.com
***************** Tomboy *****************
--------- Prologue: --------- When I was much younger, maybe about 4-5 years old, my mom worked really hard to get me to really look like a girl. For some reason I'm still not sure about I hated it. I didn't like the dresses she put on me, it didn't matter where I was I simply just removed them. Grandma thought it was cute, but her daughter didn't and she got just as mad every time it happened. Because I could really do it anywhere, like one time in the middle of a grocery store, mom was incredibly embarrassed. She couldn't understand why I didn't want the dresses but eventually caved and let dad take me to a clothing store to buy some regular pants and shirts at the boy department.
Mom had once again got me to save for long hair to at least weight up for the fact that I looked like a boy, but of course I didn't like that either. And one day when I was really mad at mom for forcing me to have it I succeeded at getting a hold of a scissor and began to cut it off. Mom was devastated so dad had to drive me to the barber and fix the worst damage. And when he was done I had got short hair more in line with dads, I was so pleased. Suddenly I was totally contented with how I looked and suddenly mom and dad discovered that I wasn't nearly as difficult and unruly as I had been. So they let me have it my way, with shirt and pants instead of dresses and short hair parted at the side instead of long hair.
This also brought an unexpected bonus. Suddenly I got to be with the boys to play, like I had always wanted but not been allowed since they didn't want to be with a girl and because the teachers didn't think it was appropriate. I was playing with cars, Lego and robots. The only contact with dolls I had was to strip them naked and tie them up somewhere so me and the boys could play cowboys and indians.
Since this change happened as early as the time of daycare no one except my family remembers that I'm a girl. Which suited me fine until second year of the gymnasium. I had worked pretty hard at keeping my image as a guy, I was in the guys changing room, I used boxer shorts with a sock to hide the fact that I "didn't have anything" down there, I had a bandage wrapped around my breasts that I had managed to convince them were because I had a muscle rupture in the back and I always stayed late to talk to the teacher so the guys were done when I got back. Since I had always done that it had become a routine and no one asked why.
I had a gender neutral name and I looked like a guy so no one ever questioned me. The fact that no one that shouldn't find out hadn't done so before this was nothing less than a miracle. It wasn't that I looked very manly or anything, but when looking at my face only I didn't look overly feminine either. Enough so that no one would suspect at least. I simply lived in one big lie and it had gone too far but I couldn't realize it by myself.
Until that time I had hardly been confronted with my sexuality outwards at all, I don't really know why. Of course I had masturbated and such but I had never fallen in love and because of that never really contemplated if I liked boys or girls, I felt somehow that I wouldn't mind whichever it happened to be. My most common fantasy was that I was lying cuffed on a bed and that someone was caressing me. More detailed than that it never was.
But one day everything began to go to fall apart, suddenly I had to face facts...
---------- Chapter 1: ---------- I was going to a party at Sara's place. It was the weekend before the last week of the school year and we celebrated that we were finishing the second year of the social science program on the gymnasium. It was pretty late on Friday night.
"Kim!" Sara called over the music when I came through her door. "I'm so glad you could make it."
She came up and hugged me. For some reason I was very popular among the girls in the school, it wasn't any category in particular it just seemed to be a general opinion. I had actually noticed that a little redheaded girl used to look a little extra at me and looked away when she thought I'd notice it, which I had of course already done. I began to say hi to her, the first time she almost seemed frightened and stuttered something but had after that at least managed to get a whispered hello out.
"How are you today?" Sara asked.
I smiled at her. "I'm good. You?"
She giggled. "Good."
"I see the party has already begun."
"Yeah, please come in. There are many people waiting for you."
I was not a frequent guest at parties since my parents didn't like it so the few times I was there I was well greeted by everyone. I sat down in the sofa next to Janne, a guy I used to hang with in school.
"So, you managed to get past your old man did you?" He said jokingly.
"Yeah and I got bribed doing it." I grinned.
"With what?"
"Dad promised that we would take me practice driving tomorrow if I didn't drink anything."
"Then why do you have that beer in your hand?"
"Meh, a beer can't be that hard to hide."
I didn't get further than that before Helena suddenly came up to me and stood before me. I looked wonderingly at her.
"They are going to play a slow song now, please come dance with me."
I looked at Janne that only gave me a face that I would be stupid not to do it. I left the unopened beer can to him.
"Ok." I said and rose up.
She took my hand and dragged me off to an adjacent room that had been prepared for that purpose. She put my arms on her hips and then her own around my neck, the song began playing in that moment. The classical slow song "I Will Always Love You" with Whitney Huston. A smile was playing over her lips and she leaned her head against my shoulder. More couples began gather around us on the dance floor. I smiled a little too; it felt good... but yet again not. It almost felt as if I was lying her right in the face. She thought I was of her opposite sex.
My thoughts were interrupted when I saw the little redheaded girl. She seemed to have arrived alone as well. I got an uneasy feeling when I spotted Josefin that was the worst bully in the school and her gang whispering and pointing at her. Conveniently the song ended just then and I smiled at Helena and thanked her for the dance. I was just about to walk away when she grabbed my arm and pushed me up in a corner. She began to kiss, or rather neck, me. It felt like she was trying to suffocate me. I grabbed her shoulders and pushed her away from me and then moved her to the side. Then I left the room, although I had time to see her red face. Not from anger but from embarrassment. I stopped almost right outside the doorway; Josefin had begun to close in on the unsuspecting red haired girl.
"You are not welcome here." She said.
"I was invited." The girl said in a low voice.
"Not by me."
"Am I supposed to be afraid or something?"
"Maybe..."
"What are you going to do? Talk until my eardrums break?"
Muffled laughs were heard by those that had now become curious and turned their attention their way. This did nothing to soothe Josefin's temper.
"Watch your fucking mouth."
The girl just shook her head like she pitied her. Josefin suddenly saw me and her smile suddenly sneaked back. She got something sadistic in her eyes. A friend of the redheaded girl had just come up to her to take her away when Josefin suddenly piped up again.
"Are you running away you little cunt?"
"Why? Do you have anything more uninteresting to say?"
"I happen to know who you're in love with." She said.
The girl froze stared incredulously at her.
"You're in love with Kim!" She said teasingly. "You're in love with Kim!"
Josefin and several others started to laugh for some reason. The girl that had just spotted me stared deep red in the face at me. I could see her tormented expression and how sad she looked. I probably just stood there looking like a fool. She then looked back at her friend and shook her head. The friend averted her eyes. Then the girl ran away, she hadn't even had the time to take her shoes off so she just ran right out.
I found myself again. "What the hell is wrong with you? She didn't deserve that." I said to Josefin that seemed to be taken aback by this.
"What? She's just a pathetic little..."
"Shut up!" I yelled at her.
I hurried out in the hallway and almost threw on my shoes. Then I ran out through the door and after the girl. I saw her just turn a corner a bit ahead so I knew what direction I should run. When I got there I turned the same corner she had rounded just before and continued to the next intersection. But there I didn't see her, I stopped for a while and listened but I couldn't hear her either. I didn't feel like giving up so I took a chance that she had continued straight ahead and jogged in that direction. I came to a playground and suddenly heard someone sobbing so I followed the sound and ended up by the swings where someone was sitting. Despite the faint moonlight I could see it was her.
"What do you want?" A small voice asked.
"Well, I don't know... That you shouldn't be alone out here in the night maybe."
"If you've come to make more fun of me then please go."
"I have no plans whatsoever of saying anything to hurt you. I didn't find that amusing at all, well except being flattered of course. And I regret very much that I didn't say anything until afterwards."
"What did you say?"
"I wondered what was wrong with her."
A little smile showed itself on her lips.
"May I sit down?" I asked and made a gesture to the swing beside her.
"Sure..."
She had put her jacket on it so I picked it out and bundled it up in my knee as I sat down. We were quiet for a while; I couldn't come up with anything to say. We listened to the sounds of the night instead.
"You shouldn't care what Josefin says, she's just stupid." I said.
"I don't really. But..."
I waited a little. "But?" I asked.
"What she said about... well, you. I had only told that to my best friend... Apparently she wasn't as good as I thought."
I suddenly got very warm; fortunately it was dark so she couldn't see my red face. But I guessed hers was probably the same and had it been light I would've seen I was right. I looked up at the stars in the sky for advice. The last two months it had begun to show that my façade as a boy soon would fall. I dreaded how everyone would react, not least all the girls that more or less loved the charming "guy" Kim from the first moment he sat his foot on the school. How would the girl on the swing next to me react? I didn't doubt for a second that she had already made love to me in her dreams. Though that was a subject that I didn't want to talk about so I tried to steer it another direction.
"It was strong of you to stand up against Josefin."
"Nah, she's nothing without her friends. I if anyone would know since she is my step sister."
"She is?" I said very surprised.
The girl gave a short laugh. "Yeah, her dad is married to my mom. She's ok really but impossible among her friends. She's a leader and without her friends she would be like a general without an army. That's why she sees you as a threat; you're more popular among her friends than she is herself so that's why she can't talk behind your back, because if she did her friends would turn their backs on her."
"What? Me? How can you know that?"
"I've heard how the girls talk when they're at home. I hope you're not gonna use that against her though..."
"No, of course not."
"I should go home now."
"I'll walk you."
"Thanks." She said and I could distinguish a smile from her through the dark.
I stood up and held up her jacket so she only had to slip into it. We went away from the playground and made some small talk on the way to her home. It was the wrong direction for me really but since I had left the party so early my parents didn't expect me home in a good while yet. Besides I felt like I needed to get my mind in order and what could be better than a walk in fresh air? She stopped outside a gate.
"Here I live." She said.
She looked very beautiful in the light of the streetlamp, but I couldn't bring me to admit it to myself. I looked at the mailbox.
"Nilsson..." I mumbled to myself.
"That's the others last name, I still have my dads."
"Yeah?"
"Yup, Magnusson is my last name. What's yours?"
"Kim Kjellberg."
I looked a little hesitantly at her. She noticed that there were something I wanted to ask, but didn't dare to.
"You don't know my name do you?"
I looked blushing down on the ground and shook my head.
"Alexandra." She said.
My lips spoke the name soundlessly. I looked up at her again. She looked into my eyes and took a step towards me. I thought she was going to kiss me and flinched a little. Instead I felt her lips press softly against my right cheek. I felt my whole body burning. Unconsciously I put my hand on the place she had kissed me. She smiled.
"Thank you for being nice to me Kim."
"Y-you're welcome." I said tamely.
"Bye."
"Bye..."
I stood there looking after her until she had gone inside. She waved just before she closed the door. I began to slowly walk towards home. The whole way there I did not think about anything. On the contrary my head had been emptied of everything. The walk home went on automatic. Mom and dad sat in the living room watching TV.
"Are you home already?" Mom wondered genuinely surprised.
"Yes." I answered shortly.
"Was it fun?" Dad asked.
"Yeah, I guess." I said a little secretive.
Mom rose from the couch and stood before me. It was the same story as every time, when I had been away I had to breathe on her. When she didn't smell anything she looked very pleased. I didn't feel very social so I went up to bed. I hardly had the energy to take my clothes off so I just removed my pants and my thicker shirt and let the t-shirt and the underwear be left on. It was only when I got down under the cover and began to relax that the thoughts began to bombard my head as if the third world war had started.
Suddenly feelings and thoughts about what had happened between me and Alexandra began to well fourth. Or what had really happened? We had talked, she revealed that she liked me and she had kissed me on the cheek. But it wasn't more than that was it? She did it because she thought I was nice... right? I knew deep down that I liked her but didn't want to admit it to myself. It would only bring a lot of problem. I'm not a guy for real, what would she say if she found out I'm a girl? What would everyone say? I lay there twisting and turning and eventually I gave up.
I sat up on the bedside. I suddenly felt like I could use a really cold shower. I went out from my room and into the bathroom just next to it, closed the door and locked it. Usually I just threw off all the clothes and went straight into the shower; I almost never looked in mirrors except than when I combed my hair, but now I suddenly stood before the full-length mirror. I studied myself thoroughly, then slowly removed my t-shirt. I was now standing only in my boxer shorts and the bandage that was tightly wrapped around my breasts.
I removed the two fasteners that held the bandage in place and began to unwrap it. Eventually the breasts were uncovered and exposed, but I no longer saw them as ugly, disfiguring and uncomfortable as I had before. In fact I hadn't really done that in a good while now but it had been a habit to do so since I didn't want to be discovered. Not until now when looking in the mirror did I see them as a part of the whole of my body. They fitted in... I wondered how I had managed to hide my moderately large breasts from the world for so long.
I brought my hands up to them and felt tentatively over them, saw that I felt them. Then I let the hands slide down over my well trained stomach, the muscles were somewhat distinguishable but I've made sure it wasn't more, and then took a hold of the boxers and pulled them down. Underneath them was a well-covered sex that now emerged. It wasn't often I exposed my hairy crotch except when I showered and went to the toilet which didn't give much of a reason to shorten it. Unlike the raven-black hair on my head the color down there were dark, dark brown.
I went over to the shower cabin and put it on lukewarm, let it run for a while and then got in when the temperature was ok. I let the water flow over my body until I got used to it and then gradually begun to lower the temperature, eventually when I was somewhere between lukewarm and ice cold I was satisfied. I began to lather my body with a mild soap. I began with my chest and stomach, then my arms and armpits, my legs and feet's came next and then my sex and my buttock. Same order every time, don't really know why but I guess it has become one of those strange quirks that everybody has in one form or another. Eventually I took the shampoo and lathered and then rinsed everything off.
I was rarely very long in the shower so I turned it off and got out, snatched a towel and began to dry myself from head to foot. It felt so comfortably warm in the bathroom when you've had the water on so cold. I stood before the mirror again and brushed through my short hair so it got back to the way I wanted. I studied myself more intently in the mirror, up and down several times. Slowly but surely I began to notice my erect nipples that longed to get touched and my pulsating labia that really wanted to get caressed. It was well over a month since I had been noticeably aroused last and suddenly the fluffy large bathroom mat looked extremely inviting.
I lay down on the mat and closed my eyes. In my most common masturbating fantasy someone, I didn't know who, was touching me. Now on the other hand the little redheaded girl Alexandra came up to me and was standing over me, she was all naked. My hands slowly began to caress and pinch my nipples and on the same time I was in my thoughts looking up at the cute girl's breasts and sex. This excited me incredibly much. I imagined that my caresses were her tongue and mouth that slowly enveloped my nipples and kneading them with her lips. My nails became her teeth that very gently bite in the sensitive knobs.
I took long and heavy breaths that got deeper the more and harder I caress. Her mouth now seeks itself down to my labia and when my fingers hit my clitoris I gasped and shuddered powerfully from the pleasure. She continues to lick via my fingers between the lips that lead down to the entrance that my finger teases a little before she once again licks up towards my clitoris. One of her fingers now carefully slips into my vagina and slowly pushes it in and out of me. On the same time her tongue massages my clitoris more intensive.
I feel that the restlessness is rising in me and my hips begin to meet the movements. My legs bent up by the knees and then parted to give her better room on the same time as I can thrust back. I feel the familiar tingling in my sex, slowly it builds up in my stomach and when she suddenly begins to increase the speed and intensity with the finger I slide over the edge and wave after wave of heat and pleasure races through my body. A long delighted groan comes over my lips. The muscles in my pussy is squeezing hard around my finger on the same time as pulse after pulse is spreading in my body and making me convulse rhythmically. Slowly but surely it ebbs out, I lay relaxed on the mat and feels every now and again that the muscles twitch sporadically down there in the aftermath.
It probably took about five minutes before I managed to get up on my shaky legs and wash my hands. I took the towel and dried away the juices that had flowed in generous amounts and then put it in the laundry basket along with the boxer shorts. I put on the t-shirt, took the bandage and hurried into my room, locked the door and removed the t-shirt again. Naked I slide in under the sheet, this time I felt most satisfied and fell asleep almost instantly.
The next day I woke up pretty early feeling I badly needed to go to the bathroom. I put on a t-shirt and a pair of boxer shorts and then went out from my room and into the bathroom. The first thing that caught my eyes was a dark spot on the mat where my session had occurred the day before. I wet a towel and tried washed it off as best I could, hoping that my parents hadn't realized what it was. I threw the towel to the laundry and then went to the toilet, pulled down the shorts and sat down and peed.
When I looked at the stain again I felt my bad conscience come crawling into my mind. I had fantasized about Alexandra when I masturbated. I felt even more like a liar then yesterday, she thinks I'm a guy and I didn't tell her otherwise. I had a feeling this would be a pretty crappy day. When I was done I wiped myself, pulled up the boxers, flushed, washed my hand and went back to my room and went to sleep again.
I didn't wake up until mom knocked on the door.
"Aren't you up yet? Come on, we're going away to buy you clothes for the school dance today."
"School party mom."
"Fine. Just get up will you?"
"Yeah, sure." I answered uninterested.
"The breakfast is ready in a bit."
I never answered and stayed in bed anyway. Around eleven o'clock I got up and we drove off straight away; I skipped eating breakfast to mom's dismay. When I began to get depressed I often used to skip meals and she knew that and tried to extort me for information. She didn't get much out of me on the ten minutes long drive downtown though. We parked above the shopping centre and took the elevator down to Dressmann.
Mom wanted to buy something I could have on other occasions as well. We got help from a shop assistant and quickly found a pair of dark blue pants that suited well; he then produced a white-grey shirt to go with it. We paid for it and it wasn't too expensive. On the way out mom stopped by the ties and before we got out she had also bought a light blue patterned tie that actually didn't look too bad. Mom then wanted to go to H&M to buy something for herself. I went around in the store and happened to end up in the women's department, wondering for a few seconds how I would look in them.
"Aren't you kind of in the wrong department?" Alexandra asked behind me.
Frightened I spun around. "What? Uhhhm... I... No, I just..."
She grinned at my reaction. "It's cool; you can be here if you want."
"Oh, I'm here with mom. She's here somewhere."
"Buying clothes for the school break up?"
"We've already done that on Dressmann."
"Ok." She looked thoughtfully at me. "Could you possibly be interested in being a taste advisor?"
"Yeah... Sure."
Not until then did I see she had clothes in her hand and she took me with her to one of the pretty large fitting cubicles. She put on the white pants and then modelled first the light blue blouse, then a dark green and after that a yellow for me.
"Which one do you like best?" She asked.
"The green one, no doubt."
"Yeah, I agree that one's best... But I think I'll take them all."
She went back into the cubicle but when she pulled the curtain there was a gap where I could see her standing in front of the mirror, taking off the clothes and standing in only panties and bra. I couldn't help but lean forward and look through the gap. The sight of her sent waves of heat through my body. A smile suddenly spread in her face and she turned so she stood in profile. Right after that I think our eyes met in the mirror but I wasn't sure since I quickly pulled away, when she came out from there a while later I tried to look as indifferent as possible. I hoped she wouldn't notice my aroused state.
"Are you ok?" She asked innocently when she came out and saw me.
"Yeah, why?"
"Well, you looked a little flushed."
"Oh, eehhm... it's hot in here."
At that moment mom came around a clothing stand and up to us.
"There you are, I've been looking for you. Who's your friend?"
"This is Alexandra, a friend from school."
Alexandra greeted mom with a handshake.
"Well, I guess I'll be going home alone then. Here are hundred kronor so you can go and have a coffee or something." She took out a bill from her pocket and gave it to me. "Don't come home too late though, we're eating at five."
She left us there and I was astonished by what had just happened.
"Does she usually do that?"
"No, definitely not. I didn't even get a chance to say no."
"Don't you want to go?" She asked; the disappointment almost too obvious.
"What? Yes yes yes, don't get me wrong. I'd really like to, but do you?"
She smiled shyly. "Yeah, I'd like that too."
"O-ok, maybe we should go and pay then?"
She nodded and while she went to pay I waited outside. Soon thereafter she joined me again.
"Where should we go?"
"I don't know, I thought maybe you wanted to choose."
"Ok." She said and seemed to think for a moment. "Yeah, I know a great place."
She took me with her out from the shopping centre and down the avenue. Squeezed in between to stores lay a little café that we entered. Hardly anyone even looked up as we came in. I looked around a bit, it was very cosy. Alexandra attracted my attention and I saw she had already got a Cola and a bun. I hurried to pick out a Fanta, a bun and a chocolate ball. When we got the tray to the guy by the counter he had already begun to count it up.
"Seventy-five kronor please." He said.
I handed him the bill and got my twenty-five kronor in change back. I took the tray and we went to a table by the window that had just become unoccupied. We had more or less already broken the ice and began to talk about anything and everything, mostly school in the beginning but then a little more personal. We found each other pretty fast. Once in a while we paused to eat and drink a little and during one of those pauses I found myself staring out of the window, full of thoughts. I had one hand under my chin and the other arm on the table. Suddenly I felt Alexandra put her hand on top of mine. I was woken out of my daydream and looked a bit puzzled at her, then on the hand and back to her again. She smiled an amazingly beautiful smile at my confusion.
"I just wanted to thank you for what you did the other day."
"No problem..."
"Josefin told me what you had said to her. I think she will think twice before she does that again."
"Yeah? Why?"
"You really do underestimate you popularity among the girls at school. Many of them are just waiting for a chance to make an impression on you so if she did anything you don't like they will most likely take your side."
"You think so?" I said a bit surprised.
She looked into my chestnut brown eyes and smiled.
"I think I should go home now. I'm baby-sitting my little brother tonight."
"Can I walk you home?"
"Of course." She said happily.
While she went out I put the tray in a rack and then went out too. A girl that had taken the guys place by the counter smiled and wished me a nice day. We slowly went towards home and talked on the same time. I offered to carry her bag and she happily accepted. We took a minor detour past my house so I could point it out to her. She thought it looked nice but since I had lived in it my whole life I had a hard time seeing that. After a while we were at her house and we went into the yard and to the front door. Inside it smelled wonderfully by freshly baked bread. A little boy between two and three years old came running and Alexandra lifted him up and hugged him.
"Good that you came home. Could you take care of the little one while I make myself ready?" A female voice said from what I guessed was the kitchen.
"In a sec, I'm just going to say goodbye to Kim."
"Kim? The Kim?"
"Yes!" She answered a little irritated while blushing a little.
A woman emerged from the kitchen; she had almost as dark red hair as Alexandra. She also had an apron and some flour dust in her face.
"Nice to meet you in person." She said and took my hand.
"Well, eh... likewise."
The little boy suddenly wriggled out of Alexandra's arms and came to me and wanted up so I lifted him.
"Hello little guy."
"Hello." He said and then wanted to get down again like if he had just tried me out.
He went to mom and then turned to me.
"Why you have guy clothes when you're a girl?"
"What? I... Uhhm."
Alexandra and their mom just laughed.
"He gets ideas sometimes." Their mom joked. "I'll take him to the kitchen while you two talk."
They walked away and we were left alone in the hallway.
"Strange, usually he doesn't like other guys except dad." She said but didn't seem to put any importance to it.
She took my arm and pulled me out through the door. She closed it carefully and then turned back to me.
"Thank you for the treat and the company today. I had fun."
"You're welcome, I had just as fun as you."
She took a step towards me, reached up and hugged me. Her long red hair felt so soft against my cheek, on the same time as my stomach tingled. But that was nothing to what it did the moment after. She ended the hug but kept her arms around my neck and I found myself looking into the most beautiful dark green eyes I'd ever seen. My breathing suddenly got heavy and as we looked at each other I bent down slightly, on my way to kiss her but hesitated halfway down. Instead she reached up the last little bit and our lips met in a light kiss. When we then broke off I couldn't bring myself to open my eyes for a while but just feel the after-effect of her lips. Soon I managed to open them and met her smiling face. We stood quiet for a while.
"You know, I was wondering something..." She said then.
"Yes?"
"Would you maybe like to go to a movie with me tomorrow?"
I understood that she with that question also asked if I wanted to see her more seriously.
"I'm sorry, I can't... I'm going to my grandma and grandpa..."
She looked disappointed.
"But I would love to go on Monday... Well, if that's ok with you of course."
"Yeah, absolutely." She said and lit up.
"Ok, I guess we'll have to talk sometime after school... you can have my number."
She programmed it into her cell phone and I got hers too.
"I'll call you on Monday then." She said.
"Sure... bye."
"Bye."
I went to the gate and turned around to look at her again. We waved to each other and then I went down the street, hidden behind a high hedge. When thinking back I could have sworn I saw her mom in one of the windows with a big smile on her lips. On the way home I was like in a haze, the steps took me home by automatic. I was in a wonderful mood until I came to my room and was reminded who I really was, or rather what. Girl and not boy. I got an overwhelmingly bad consciousness. I had also forgotten all about dads promise to practice drive and most likely he had too, but it was probably for the best considering my level of concentration.
The Sunday was incredibly slow. I couldn't think of much else than Alexandra. Grandma noticed this and pulled me into an empty room in their house to talk. She was a very understanding woman but I didn't know if she would be able to handle this, she is family after all. Unfortunately she has always had the ability to see right through me.
"How are you? You seem so absent."
"Nah, it's noting."
"You can lie to your mother and my son but you can't fool me young lady." She said sternly.
I squirmed uncomfortably. "It's hard to explain."
"Try."
"It's complicated."
"I have recently learned how to use a computer and I doubt very much that it can be more complicated than that."
I chuckled a little and I knew I wouldn't get out of this. When grandma had put her mind to something she made it happen.
I sighed. "There... there's someone. Someone I met a few days ago. I can't really determine what I feel about... that person."
"Ah, love problem. Did you know I was the school sex advisor when I was your age? The principal and the faculty did not like that at all. But I was very popular." She said jokingly. "So, who is this someone?"
I averted my eyes.
"Well?"
"T-that's... what's so complicated." I said and felt a lump in my throat.
"Please, can't you tell me? Have I ever judged you for what you've said to me or passed it on?"
"No..." I said a little pitifully.
"Then tell me. Don't go and hold it in. It will only make it so much harder."
"It's... a girl, Alexandra... I-I think I like her. But..."
"But?
"She thinks I'm a guy."
She could see I was sad, even though I had now swallowed the lump, so she hugged me.
"Oh my, that is a hard nut to crack. The only thing is to tell her the truth, how hard it may be, before you get too seriously involved. She will surely find out and it's better it comes from you, and it has to be early."
I knew how right she was.