Tomboy

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***************** Tomboy *****************

--------- Chapter 2 ---------

The next day in school passed quickly. The lessons flew by since all I thought about was Alexandra and that we would go to the movies. I didn't concentrate the least on the subjects at hand which resulted in two irritated teachers and one giving me homework. At lunch I sat with Janne and Christian. Alexandra sat with some of her friends on a table nearby and for a few seconds we caught each others eyes. Except a quick smile she didn't acknowledge that she knew me.

"Dude, you can forget Alexandra. She has rejected every guy that has ever come closer than two meters." Janne said and elbowed my side.

"Is that so." I said uninterested.

"There's a rumour she's a lesbo but that's probably just Josefin badmouthing her again." Christian added.

I didn't have the energy to care about their silly talk so I just kept on eating.

When I went home for the day my steps were once again as automatic as the last time I went home from Alexandra. I was in my own little world. Mom was cooking dinner when I arrived to my house and I hurried into the bathroom to take a shower before it was finished.

"Your mobile has rung several times now!" Mom called irritated when I came out from the shower.

"Crap." I said quietly to myself and ran into my room.

I grabbed the cell that was lying on my desk and checked who had called. It was the same number all three times and just when I was about to dial it the phone rang again.

"Kim!" I answered eagerly.

"Hi, it's Alex."

"Hey!"

"How are you?"

"I'm good. How 'bout you?"

"Good. Just about to eat and then I'm going to make myself ready. You?"

"Same here."

There were a few moments of silence.

"So, when should we meet?"

"Well, about quarter to six should be a good time. That gives us half an hour to get there."

"Sounds good, I can come to you if you want."

"Ok, see you then."

"Good. Bye!"

"Bye!"

I dressed pretty quick after wrapping my breasts again and then went to the kitchen. Mom seemed very angry for some reason so I thought it was best to stay quiet. It was probably with dad because they were at each other's throats about once a week and it had been a while now. Dad sat at the table and read the newspaper; he looked pretty grim as well. She mumbled something I couldn't hear when I came and sat down. For a moment I thought about leaving again and not eat but I had a feeling she would get mad at me instead in that case. To get away from the tension I ate in a hurry and disappeared back into my room. I lay down on the bed and stared at the clock, waiting. Mom and dad argued about something in the kitchen, I couldn't hear about what even if they were loud.

When it was twenty to six the doorbell rang. I hurried there as fast as I could but mom still beat me to it. They had temporarily paused the argument. Mom didn't show any signs of anger when she greeted Alexandra but talked happily with her. I put on my shoes and then we said goodbye. Only when we had come outside the door and out of eyeshot from my parents we hugged each other.

It was still hot outside and it seemed like it would be late into the evening which meant that there was no need for jackets, just regular shirts. We made some small talk on the way there but I might have been a little too quiet since I was contemplating when I should tell her how the situation really was. I concluded that the best thing by far would be to take her to the park after we had finished watching the movie. When we had paid for the tickets and entered I became a little more present again and that seemed to make her much happier. The commercials had already begun so we didn't have all that much time to talk before the movie itself started. In the light from the big screen I could actually see Janne's familiar head some rows in front of us, apparently here with his girlfriend.

In the beginning I was pretty focused on the movie but then became more and more aware of the sweet fragrance that was originating from Alexandra's slender neck. It smelled... peach. I didn't know if it was perfume or soap but it was a scent that tickled my senses. As time went by I felt it began excite me, mostly by breathing became heavier, but also a small buzz between my legs made itself known. I sat there squirming for a while without really knowing what to do. My hands had a little problem with keeping still and pretty soon my left one had ended up on top of hers that was resting on the arm support. At first I caressed her a little on the back of the hand and when she turned her hand my fingers slowly entwined themselves with hers. She gave my hand a slight squeeze and then slowly brought it to her thigh. I gasped and felt a flash of heat run through my body. When I didn't seem to have the guts to do anything she put her hand on top of mine and slowly brought it further up towards her crotch. She then released my hand and while I continued to caress back and forth on her thigh her own hand found its way over to mine and began doing the same thing.

Abruptly we were interrupted as the fire alarm in the building went off. Since no one could smell any smoke there was no panic as everyone proceeded calmly to the emergency-exit and out of the theatre. We came out to the front again and could see a considerable amount of smoke emanating from within the lobby. Only two minutes later the fire department arrived and rushed in. They only brought two fire extinguishers so apparently there wasn't anything serious. Curious as we all were we remained there to see what happened and after a while one of the employees came out to us.

"It's ok, one of our popcorn machines caught fire. Unfortunately we can't proceed showing movies today due to all the smoke but you will of course be given voucher checks for new tickets with popcorn and soda that you can hopefully use tomorrow."

He handed out the coupons to each of us and as people got them they began heading home. I managed to avoid Janne and his girlfriend, I didn't feel like talking to him just then and got Alexandra to go with me towards the park instead as I had planned earlier. She understood where I was headed and followed willingly. It was practically empty there, except for a few other couples. We found a somewhat secluded bench where we sat down. There was a little while before either of us said anything.

"There... there's something I need to tell you..." I began after a while.

"Yeah? What?"

"Well, I don't really know how to say it."

"Umm... Maybe you could think about it while we're heading home? Those guys over there make me nervous."

"Sure."

Truth to be told are my courage drained right out of me with that and she seemed to forget I wanted to say something because she was busy checking over her shoulder that those guys weren't following us. Not until we were almost back at her house.

"What was it you wanted to tell me by the way?"

"Oh, it... it was nothing really."

She stopped me. "Come on, tell me." She said curiously.

"Well, it's just that... I'm beginning to like you... quite a lot."

It was the truth, though it hadn't been the truth I had really wanted to tell her. On the same time Alexandra gave me a sweet smile that told me exactly what she felt. She reached up and kissed me, for a long time. When we broke apart I too couldn't help but smile.

"Can't you come in for a little while?" She asked.

"Sure!"

We put what little distance was left behind us. When we arrived we could conclude that no one was home. On the kitchen table there was a note saying they were going to an aunt and then grocery shopping. We went up to her room and sat down in a small couch she had there, she turned on the TV. Since it was still pretty early none of the big series had begun yet. Alexandra moaned a little as she stretched and massaged her neck.

"Are you hurting?"

"Yeah, I've had that since I fell in gym class. I was jumping over one of those horses or whatever they call them and got my foot stuck so I fell on my back. It hurt for a few days but then it went over to being all stiff and strange."

"Come, sit here in front of me."

She gave me a strange look but did as I said. Carefully I began massaging her neck, it was incredibly stiff, just as she had said. I increased the pressure little by little until I was kneading her pretty head. I found a few knots that I massaged away. Alexandra gasped and groaned every once in a while when I hit a sore spot.

"Oh God, that was wonderful."

"Your neck was very tense."

"That's nothing against what my back is."

"Well... I could massage your back too if you want but..."

"Oh, I don't know... you shouldn't have to..."

"It's cool. As long as you have some massage oil or tiger balm or something it's no problem."

"That would be very nice..."

"The easiest would be if you lay down on the bed."

She agreed. Before she went to the bed she got a tube of massage oil that she turned over to me and for some reason she blushed while doing so. After that she turned around and pulled the shirt over her head and still faced away she laid down on her stomach on the soft surface. I crawled onto the bed and straddled her thighs.

"Umm... I-is it ok if I unbutton... back here?"

She giggled. "Sure."

I unhooked the bra and when I had done that she raised her upper body a little and pulled it off completely. When she had made herself comfortable again I poured some oil on her back. It felt cold against her skin so she gasped and arched her back some. I began to spread it out on the same time as I began the massage with long strokes from the curve of her back up to her shoulders. After I had softened her up a bit I concentrated on some spots that was extra tensed.

"Mmmm... where did you learn to massage like that?"

"My sister Lina is a physical therapist at the hospital. She's a back specialist."

After about fifteen minutes I thought it felt like her back was relaxed and softened. I sat up and stretched my own back that cracked ominously. At that moment she turned around below me. I was just about to jump off her when she grabbed my shoulders and pulled me down close to her. My lips pressed against hers and I could feel her beautiful and pretty small breasts though my shirt. She raised her head so that her mouth was right beside my ear.

"Your massage made me so hot." She whispered.

There was no doubt that I was aroused as well, though I had been ever since the movie. Her eyes met mine when she lowered her head again and both our eyes were blank and covetous. I bent down and kissed her passionately, lost in the moment we had. We kissed for a long time and not until I felt her hands tentatively caressing their way up under my shirt did I wake up from the dream again. I managed to break the kiss and jumped startled off the bed and away from her. My scared expression surprised her.

"What's wrong?"

"I-I'm sorry, forgive me, I... I can't.. please, I'm so sorry." I stammered.

I hurried out of her room and ran downstairs to the hallway. While I quickly put on my shoes she had hurried down there too and caught me.

"Wait Kim, what is it? What have I done?"

I stopped temporarily with a lump in my throat. "You haven't done anything... I've got a problem that shouldn't have to affect you, I'm sorry."

After that I opened the door and released myself from her grip on my arm.

"Can't you tell me, please!" She called pleadingly.

But I kept going. Her family that had just stopped on the driveway looked questioningly after me as I hurried way. I was furious with myself, I was yelling at myself inside. Why couldn't I have just told her? Why did I have to be such a fucking coward? I had a good mind to just bitchslap myself around! Things didn't improve as I came home. Mom came out of the kitchen right way.

"We've got to talk." She said courtly and pulled me outside the door that she carefully closed behind us.

"What did I do now?"

"Kissed your girlfriend and your dad saw it."

I stared distrustfully at her but she just nodded.

"He's pretty upset and hardly even I can talk to him. I thought I'd save you from any unnecessary hassle with him so maybe you can go live with your sister for a little while if you want... I've talked to her and she said she'd be glad to have you."

"But... I don't get it. What does he have to be angry about?"

"I don't think he's mad really, but scared.

"For what? Me?"

"That his daughter is gay. He's from a generation where that's generally considered to be abnormal. Give him some time and you'll see he'll come around."

"Even if I happened to be gay that's none of his damn business! My private life is my business and mine alone."

I didn't wait for a reply but wrenched open the door and proceeded to my room as in a daze. The only thing I did before I went to my bed and fell asleep was to call Lina and told her I'd come after school the next day.

During the breaks I looked for Alexandra in the whole school but didn't see her anywhere. Only a glimpse of her between two lessons but when I searched for her during the subsequent pause she was gone again. Tuesday was usually a day I normally saw her quite often. I finished my school day by waiting outside the entrance she usually came out of but also that approach failed. Eventually I headed for the centre of the city to the town square where I was supposed to meet my sister. When I arrived I began to look around and saw her sitting on one of the benches by the fountain. Lina rose as she spotted me when I came towards her. We hugged each other as we met, what I didn't know was that Alexandra saw us, or rather she saw me hugging another girl. I gave Lina a kiss on the cheek as thanks for being nice to me and letting me stay with her, though from the angle that Alexandra saw us it looked like a quick kiss on the mouth. While me and my sister went to her apartment she remained behind believing it was because of that girl I had run away yesterday.

When we got home to her Lina went straight to the kitchen to make us dinner as she had heard my stomach rumble a few times on the way. I sat down at the kitchen table and took on the job of cutting some salad.

"Who is she?"

"She, who?"

"The girl you kissed!"

"Oh... Um, no one special."

"Of course she must've been. As I got it described to me it must have been pretty passionate."

My cheeks began to flush to a clear shade of red. Lina laughed as she peered at me.

"Alexandra..." I said somewhat dreamily as my mind drifted off to her.

The cooking continued in silence and we didn't talk very much as we ate either. For the rest of the evening I just sat staring blankly at the TV. Lina tried to find out what was wrong but I couldn't bear to tell her. So she bided her time and waited for the right moment to get it out of me. Somehow she knew the reason wasn't that dad had been so upset. That night we went to bed pretty early, Lina was going to work the next day and I had to go to school. She still had the twin bed that she had bought in her last relationship, one that only lasted two months, so we shared it. I was fairly grateful that I didn't have to sleep on the couch. When we were young she had discovered that she could get me to talk about almost anything when I was on the verge of sleeping, I could then divulge things that I'd never have told otherwise and most of the time I couldn't even remember it afterwards.

"Kim?" She used a low soft voice no to wake me up.

"Mmmm..." I mumbled.

"Why are you sad?"

"Alex..."

"What about her?"

"Guy..."

"Is Alex a guy?"

"No... me..."

"You're not a guy."

"In school..."

My answers were not always complete or easy to understand so often she had to interpret what I said. She contemplated what I could've meant but she didn't have much time if she was to finish her questioning before I really fell asleep and stopped talking.

"Are you a guy in school?"

"Yes..."

Suddenly she was beginning to comprehend what I was talking about.

"Alex doesn't know you're a girl..." She said more to herself than to me.

"No..." I answered.

"Do you like her?"

"Yes..."

"Does she like you too?"

"Yes..."

"Why don't you tell her you're a girl?"

"Tried..." I mumbled and turned around.

"Has she been close to discovering it?"

"Yeah..."

"What happened?"

This time I didn't answer, I had fallen asleep. But still, she understood now why I was depressed.

Chapter 3 Lina woke me up next morning, I was still horribly tired because I had slept badly. She forced me up anyway and saw to it that I got some breakfast before I departed. My steps were directed towards the right goal but not as fast as they should've been. All the thoughts were spinning in my head like a tornado. As I arrived to the school grounds I was already late for class. I went towards my locker but stopped as I went past the common room. I saw Alexandra standing there with some friends and a guy with his arm around her shoulders. If my memory didn't deceive me his name was Tony or something like that. They were standing a bit away so I couldn't hear what they were talking about but suddenly they kissed right there in front of their friends that laughed heartily. Stunned I stood there watching them. When they broke the kiss Alex looked around and caught sight of me. I turned around and walked away, blew off the lesson and hurried out of there. Alexandra had told her friends that she'd be a little late for class and had come after me. Not until I had just got out of the school grounds again she flew out through the doors and sprinted after me. I made no effort to run from her but on the other hand I didn't slow down either.

"Kim!" She called when she was beginning to catch up. "Kim! Stop, please!"

At first I didn't do as she wanted but kept on going back towards Linas apartment. However Alexandra caught up and grabbed my shoulder so I would stop. This time I did so but since I didn't turn around she went around me instead.

"What do you want?" I asked in a dispirited tone of voice.

"Talk to you." She answered with what almost sounded like concern.

"About what?"

"About you, me... us."

"Didn't know there was an 'us'."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you didn't exactly show that in there."

"You can hardly blame me for that, I if anyone should have doubts considering you ran out on me the other day."

"Don't you think I regret that?"

"I don't know... I don't know what to believe. Since you just skedaddled without anything else than a sorry it might as well have been because you didn't want to cheat on your girlfriend or something. For all I know maybe you just made a bet with one of your buddies that you could get me in bed. Maybe you were bored and wanted to play a little with my feelings between two relationships, what do I know. You just ran without saying shit!" Alexandra just sounded more and more angry the longer she talked and it didn't exactly improve my mood.

"I don't know what the hell you're talking about. Girlfriend? I've never ever had a girlfriend and by the looks of it you're not about to become my first."

"Yeah, right! Damn liar! When you kissed that girl yesterday I felt sorry for her. I can't believe you can be so nonchalant about almost cheating on her."

At that moment I didn't care much about what she was saying. "If you've got so fucking low thoughts about me you might as well go back to your new boyfriend and make out some more. You seem to like that anyhow. I'm going home to my sister again, that seems to be the only place where I'm wanted." I said on the verge of tears.

I pushed past her and ran the rest of the way home. I didn't understand at all what she had meant. On the same time Alexandra remained behind and watched as I disappeared. She felt some remorse now that she had fired up and not until now did she stop to reflect over what had been said. It hit her how offended I had been when she had mentioned having a girlfriend and accused me of being unfaithful. But if I didn't have anyone, who was it she had seem me kiss yesterday? An ex? A fuckbuddy? But I had been at my parents the day before yesterday... That meant I had to have come to my sister yesterday... Could it have been...? A violent wave of bad conscience rushed through her.

She had just assumed... not considered family. But in a way she felt we were even, we had both let each other down. The question was now if what we had going would be possible to repair or if it was a lost cause. She regretted that she hadn't followed me to my sisters apartment so she at least would have known where it was. As it was she didn't know and wondered how she could get the address. The phonebook would have been a logical choice but one doesn't always think of the obvious. First she had to get back to the school though, she had already missed the beginning of the lesson and they were having a test so she just hoped that the teacher would let her come in late. The address would be taken care of after that.

As soon as I came inside the door and had taken off my shoes I called in sick. I slumped down on the sofa and felt totally drained, didn't have energy for anything but thinking. Or rather I tried not to think either but it was rather pointless. Thoughts rushed though my head without me managing to get any order in them. I had no idea how long I had been lying there but suddenly my mobile rang, it was Lina. At first I considered not to answer but did it anyway after a little while.

"Kim..." I answered.

"It's me. Why are you home?"

"Because I don't feel well."

"It didn't seem to be anything wrong when you left home."

"It wasn't."

"Does it have anything to do with Alexandra?"

"Why?"

"She was here a little while ago and asked where I lived, she said you were there."

"She was there?" I asked surprised.

"Yeah, she seemed very anxious to meet you."

"Was it long ago?"

"Twenty minutes maybe."

"Ok..."

"Will you be ok alone until I come home?"

"Yes, of course!"

"Fine, just wondering. See you later then."

"Sure. Bye!"

"Bye!"

I hung up and put the cell phone back in my pocket. Alexandra had been and talked with Lina at work? Why? I didn't get a chance to wonder anymore because the doorbell rang. I didn't even have to go there to find out that it actually was her at the door.

"Kim, are you there?" Alex called through the mail slot.

I didn't answer, didn't really want to talk to her.

"Come on, I know you're there! Please open."

Slowly I rose from the couch and entered the hall. She was still holding the slot open as I came out there, she could probably see my feet. I didn't open but stood there in the middle of the hallway.

"Can't we talk?" She asked.

"Didn't we just do that a little while ago?"

"Things came out so wrong, I thought that you..."

"Just go, please! I-I can't do this right now."

I went into the bedroom, closed the door and lay down on the bed. Somehow I felt so incredibly betrayed, I wasn't sure why. In reality it had been me that let her down.

"I understand!" I heard her say and then a smack as the slot closed.

Suddenly I just felt so horribly miserable, I began to cry and the tears flooded uninhibited down on the pillow. I had really hoped there would've been something between us but now the possibility that it would be a 'we' seemed unlikely. I couldn't for my life understand why she had said those things earlier. But it no longer felt important. I didn't want to care anymore. Even though I wasn't particularly tired I now cried myself to sleep.

I slept until Lina came home.

"Kim, wake up." She said in a low voice on the same time she shook me gently. "Wake up!"

"Mmm... what is it?" I mumbled.

"Should you really sleep this early? You'll need to sleep tonight as well."

"I know."

"How long have you been sleeping?"

"No idea..."

"Come on up and we'll make some dinner. It's over five."

I managed to heave my legs over the edge and sit up. If I had got the chance I could easily have been lying there for the rest of the evening and night. Lina looked at me with a smile.

"You've got a letter from Alexandra too." She said and handed me a folded A4-paper. "I'll get started with the food."

I opened it and read.

To Kim! I am so sorry for what's happened the last few days. It's been too many misunderstandings that wouldn't have had to be. Even if we both have had a part in it I'm afraid I might've hurt you the worst. I wish there was a way I could make it undone. But sadly enough that's impossible. However I wish we could get together and talk. I understand if you would choose not to do it but still I hope with all my heart that you will. When I heard you cry earlier it cut through me like a knife, I hated myself for causing you so much pain. Please, come home to me so we can talk. I'm home alone tonight if you would want to. /Alexandra

I read it over and over again, several times. Didn't really know what I wanted to do. I had so many conflicting emotions. One part of me wanted to run to her right away and throw myself around her neck but the other part of me just wanted to forget her altogether. But I decided that I'd go there anyway so I at least could hear her out.