Tomboy

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***************** Tomboy *****************

--------- Chapter 4 ---------

After a moment I woke up again, at least that was how it felt. It took a while before I realized where I was. The time on Lina's nightstand showed that it was 8.33. I tried to go back to sleep but soon realized that it was no use. Thoughts about yesterday rushed in to occupy the space I tried to keep blank and I felt an ever increasing longing to go somewhere far away where I didn't know anyone. My thoughts suddenly landed on grandma. It was many years ago since I stayed with them for more than a day. I searched my bag and found a t-shirt that I managed to get on me with a little help from my still bandaged arm. It hurt but I suppressed the pain. Because I didn't want to wake my sister I closed the door so she wouldn't be disturbed by something I did. After that I went straight to the phone, I knew that grandma had already been up at least two hours so I dialled the number. There were two signals before she answered.

"Gunilla!" She answered happily.

"Hey gran." I said.

"Oh, hi Kim! How are you?"

I hesitated a moment. "Can I come to you for a while? Just sleep over for a few nights..."

"What? Yeah, of course but... Has something happened? Why are you calling from Lina this early in the morning?"

It's a long story..."

"I've got time..." She said in that way that told me it was no use to try and get around it.

"Ok..." I began. "Guess I should start with how I ended up here then. Do you remember when I was visiting last time and we had a little talk?"

"Yes, certainly. I'm not senile yet..."

"I talked to you about Alexandra and a lot has happened since then. The day before we came home to you we kissed when we said goodbye. She and I were on the movies the day after and when I came home it turned out that dad had seen us kissing and mom said he was so mad I had to go here and stay with Lina. I've been here since then and I actually haven't heard from either of them since." It was something I hadn't actually realized until then. "And if that wasn't enough me and Alexandra have had a fall out. After we had been to the movie we went home to her and she had a stiff back and neck so I gave her a massage and... and we began kissing again. But we didn't get much farther than that, but we would have if I hadn't panicked. She didn't know that I... I'm not a guy. Anyway, I ran away from there... So after that everything has gone wrong. I didn't see her for some day after that but then I saw her in the common room at school kissing a guy. I'm not sure why but I ran from school to get home here again when she caught up with me. We had a row about something I can't remember. Later Lina called and said Alexandra had looked her up in the hospital and got the address here. She came by and wanted to talk but I didn't so she left a letter that Lina found when she came home. It said she wanted to meet and talk. I got a ride from Lina and she apologized and so did I. I told her I was a girl and she didn't seem to take it as bad as I had feared, quite the opposite... But then the school party was yesterday and we had decided to meet there, to see how we really should do with our relationship. But she didn't show so I went inside to see if she was already there. Almost as soon as I got in I ended up in a fight with the guy she had kissed and he said they were together now and that I should leave her alone... He ended up with a broken nose I think and guaranteed a lot of bruises, I got a sprained arm and a cut on my cheek from his ring. And now the whole school knows that I'm a girl too. And that's where we are today and I really don't want to be in this town another second!"

I have no idea how long I had rambled but it must have been a while. Yet I had compressed it a lot. It was quiet for a while on the other end, the only thing I heard were grandmas breathing. I didn't say anything either.

"Um... Is it ok if I call you up in a little while?" She said with a strange tension in her voice... almost like she tried to hide that she was furious.

"Yeah, sure... I guess."

With that she hung up and surprised I stood there with the receiver in my hand.

"Was that grandma you talked to?" I heard Lisa behind me.

I turned around and looked at her. She looked sad. "Why haven't you told me all that?"

I-I don't know... I honestly don't know. I wish I had."

"Me too! Even if I hadn't been able to help you it's always easier if you share your burdens with someone else instead of keeping it in."

I nodded, I felt a lump in the throat that I frantically tried to exterminate. Lina hugged me.

"Are you angry?"

"No, of course not! But next time something's up come to me, please..."

Grandma called back a while later and said it was ok that I came. She talked with Lina for a while after that and she told me that gran had called dad and given him, and mom too apparently, a serious scolding. Something along the lines of; "How could you do something so stupid..." and "That certainly is not how we raised our son!". Mom called after that but she seemed to pretend that nothing had happened.

It took about an hour to get there and both grandma and grandpa came and met us out in their yard. She came straight up to me and hugged me. I didn't want to let go and she didn't try to pull away. Lina came and put a hand on my shoulder, so gran pulled her in too.

"Thanks for driving her here!"

"No problem, I took the day off to be with her anyway."

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah."

Grandpa wanted in on it too and both me and Lina gave him a hug each. It felt so wonderful to be somewhere where one could be alone, far away from what had happened. Get some distance to it all and a chance to search myself. Grandma and grandpa had both helped to make dinner so we all went to the kitchen, they had made a really good potato and vegetable soup. We then retired to the living room and watched some old black and white movie from nineteen fifty-three or something. Granddad brought out his crossword puzzle that was halfway solved. It didn't seem to go too well though because he just sat there staring at it for a long time without writing anything. It almost looked like he was in a trance. Suddenly he looked up at me with a contemplating look and then down on his puzzle, and up again. He seemed to get an idea.

"Oh yeah!" He exclaimed and scribbled down a word, and then a few more.

"What?" Lina asked, she had also noted that he had been watching me when he came up with the word.

Grandpa looked up on her as if he was surprised someone had noted he had thought of something. "What?"

"What did you come up with?"

"Oh! It was 'Boyish girl', six letters, ending with a y... Tomboy was the answer. I've been stuck on that word for ages and couldn't get on without it."

Everyone except him started to laugh, even me. He looked very confused about what we found so funny. The happy moment didn't last very long because soon after that mom and dad came. I had no idea that they were coming and I wasn't exactly glad to see either of them. But apparently I wasn't the only one that was unaware of it, not even grandma seemed to have known. Even Lina and granddad gave them a cold reception. Mom wanted to give me a hug but I pulled away so dad didn't even try. Despite that both of them really tried to get a conversation going but none of us was up to talking. This actually made me feel surprisingly good. They finally admitted defeat and left not even an hour after arriving. The atmosphere brightened immediately and grandpa went to prepare coffee and cookies.

I had been with grandma and granddad for one and a half week now. That kind of tranquillity was so distant in my life. Mostly I sat in the easy chair in their drawing room and looked through the window at the view, meditating and philosophizing. Grandpa came in sometimes and talked for a while, gran avoided bothering me if she could but was happy to come and talk if I wanted to. The little sanctuary they had provided for me was amazing. In a way I wished I could sit here for the rest of the summer but on the same time I didn't want to be a bother for my hosts. They assured me that I was welcome to stay for as long as I wanted and I'm sure that was true but I still decided to go home the following Sunday. But I promised to come back later in the summer to stay over again.

I came home to Lina pretty early in the afternoon. Though she had to go away pretty soon because she was going home to her friend Stefan. At first she had said she was going to stay home with me so I wouldn't have to be alone but I persuaded her it was ok, that she could go without having a bad conscience. I felt like going to the mall for a little while, it was a long time since I did that by myself. When I came down to the bus stop it was empty but soon two more people arrived. They studied me discretely. The cut under my eye was still there and I still had my arm in a sling so I probably was a relatively poor sight. After having ogled me for a while they went back to talking to each other again. The bus arrived after about ten minutes, I sat myself down in the front because at the back of the bus were some people from school that I didn't have any desire to interact. As far as I could tell they didn't notice that I came on.

Fifteen minutes later the bus arrived at my destination, the stop was almost at the entrance to the mall. Fortunately those in the back weren't getting off there, only me. The doors opened as I approached and entered, there wasn't a lot of people moving around. Most of them seemed to be in the entrance hall while it was almost empty in the stores. I had a slight craving for chocolate so I went to get me a soda and a chocolate bar. The man in the stall noticed that I couldn't use my arm so he was nice put them in a bag for me. Slowly I made my way past two clothes stores and through one of the windows I saw something that made me heat up right away. In there was Alexandra with a friend. My first impulse was to go in there and give her a slap but the next was to hurry away from there so she wouldn't notice me. My pace increased by automatic while I kept an eye on her to see if she saw me. She didn't, but because I didn't look where I went I ran into someone else instead just as soon as I lost sight of her. The pain that shot through my arm forced all the air out of my lungs and made me fall backwards.

"Oh my God! I'm so sorry! I didn't see you." Said the one I had collided with.

After a few panicky seconds I managed to draw a desperate breath.

"Are you ok?"

A hand came into my field of vision and was held out to help me up. I followed the arm up to the face of Josefin, Alexandra's stepsister. She helped me up as I took her hand and sat me down on a bench right beside us. My breathing was still heavy due to the pain.

"Are you ok?" She asked again.

"Yeah." I panted. "Arm hurts."

"I'm sorry that I didn't look out."

"It's cool... I wasn't exactly paying attention either."

"Well, I looked in the display window to the movie store, what's your excuse?" She asked and smiled.

"Same... but I looked into JC."

"Anything interesting?"

"Not really." I said and smiled back.

At that moment I looked to my right and just then Alexandra came out of the store and caught sight of me. She froze and stared at me. I saw her too and my smile faded away quickly. Her mouth opened and closed a few times as if she wanted to say something but didn't know what. I turned away from her and back to Josefin that kept on talking like nothing had happened and Alexandra had not just come out of there, despite that she had looked right at her on the same time as I did.

"I haven't seen you around here since last day of school."

"No, I've been at my grandparents in a bit over a week. I came home about an hour ago."

"Yeah, I can understand you had to get away for a while. Alexandra seemed to enjoy it when she heard about what happened. I think it was really mean of her to ask Tony to tell it in front of the whole school." I only muttered a little to what she said. "I read her diary... There weren't much nice things in there." She went on.

"Like what?"

"Um... Well, I don't know if I can bear to say."

"Try."

"Ok, eh... Ok, it said among other things that she had met Tony just some day after you two began to go out. Apparently they had some fun together. When you two decided to meet at the school party she decided to get you."

I felt the nausea come crawling as she talked and I didn't want to hear another word. What Alexandra had done was unforgivable. Even if I didn't want to fully admit it since I in a way still liked her she had cause a catastrophe beyond comparison in my life. In that moment I wanted to beat her just as much as I had beaten Tony. I looked around and saw her a bit away talking to her friend about something, they shot glances at us and suddenly began walking towards where we sat. My first thought was to go meet them and if she had said a peep I would've given her a right hook. My right hand was still ok. Instead I felt Josefin grab my arm and begin to pull me away. I resisted and very soon they stood before us, I stared her straight in the eyes and she looked nervous.

"What the hell do you want?" I asked with held back rage.

"Just t-talk."

"We have nothing to talk about and we never will. I don't know how the hell your head works but if you imagine for one second that I'll ever forgive you are dead wrong! And don't you dare come near me ever again or I won't hesitate to something damn stupid!"

After having said that I turned and marched away. All the three I had left behind looked stunned. Josefin recovered pretty fast and hurried back to my side. She didn't seem to be able to come up with anything to say so she just walked with me.

"Do you think it was overkill?"

"What? Um... I-I don't know if I... Maybe."

"Well... I couldn't hold it back. I was just so mad at her."

"I guess that could be understandable..."

Me and Josefine had a really good time the two hours we spent together during that day and she helped me to for the first time in a long time not think about bad stuff. Not until I came home again did it hit me what a different person she was compared to the impression I had got of her during the last two years. I started to think that everything that had been said, even things I had said, had been really unfair to her. The hand that I had put in my pocket felt the piece of paper Josefine had given me. She had written down her cell phone number on it just before we had gone separate ways and asked me to call her the next day so we could hang out. I was very happy that there was somebody that was still interested at being friends with me after all that had happened, even though we hadn't been before. But that almost made it feel better since it showed she had guts considering that there was probably a lot of talk going around. I didn't even know if I dared to call my old friends. Just as I stood there thinking about it the door opened behind me and Lina came in.

"Hey!" We said on the same time.

"Have you been out or are you on your way?" She asked.

"Yeah, I've been to the mall but I didn't find anything."

She looked curiously at me. "You seem happy..."

"Yeah, a little maybe." I said and couldn't help but smile even though I fought not to.

Lina smiled back but didn't ask for the reason, she thought I should tell her myself if I wanted to. I didn't, at least not right then.

I slept in for as long as I could the next day. Lina called around eleven a.m. and woke me up. Even though I had gladly gone back to bed and slept a while longer I dragged myself up. When I sat to breakfast I remembered the note Josefin had given me. I brought it out of the pocket. She had said she wanted me to call. She was probably just yanking my chain, she hadn't like me before so why should she now? I threw it in the garbage on the same time I put my dishes in the dishwasher. After that I sat down in the living room and turned on the TV instead. I sat there for about one and a half hours, all the time that note kept dropping into my thoughts and just as often I pushed it away. Eventually I realized it was no use to try and ignore it. I got up and out to the kitchen, on the way I snatched the cordless phone. After I had retrieved the paper I dialed, thought it was best to do it before I changed my mind again. Go as it may, either she would laugh at me or she'd hang up. None of it happened as she picked up and I made myself known.

"Hi! I was getting worried that you wouldn't call." She said happily.

"Yeah, of course I call. It's just that I've slept until just a while ago." I stretched the truth a little bit.

"Ok. Did it get late last night?"

"Nah, not really. But it's summer break so I can indulge myself."

"Exactly, I wish I could sleep that long but I always wake up before nine o'clock. Dunno why really..."

We made small talk about both this and that for a while more. I discovered once again that she was really easy to talk to.

"So, you want to do something today?"

"Sure! Any suggestions?"

"Well, I was hoping we could go eat somewhere. They've opened a new hamburger restaurant downtown, I don't know if you know? They opened a week ago and they are really good..."

"No, I didn't know that. I'd love to come, it was a long time since I ate out."

"Cool! Maybe we could meet around three by the bus station? I have to take care of some stuff before."

"Sure, that's ok."

"Awesome! See you then. Bye!"

"Yeah, bye!"

I was still rather full when it was time to go but I decided to ignore that and try to eat anyway. If nothing else I could always get me a small menu and blame it on that sis' was going to make dinner when she came home from work or something. In any case I rode the bus down town and when I got there, ten minutes early, she already stood there waiting. She seemed to know I would be arriving with that bus. I went off and walked over to her. To my surprise she hugged me as we met. I was a bit stumped and didn't really know what to do but I managed to get a hand up on her back. After that she kept talking as if what we had just done was the most natural thing in the world. She dragged me along towards the business avenue, there were some small shops there but mostly restaurants, pubs, cafés and such. It also housed the movie theatre. But as far as I could see there was no new hamburger restaurant anywhere there, but as we had walked a bit on the avenue she turned into a side street and there it was. It looked rather cozy actually. She asked what I wanted while I got us a table. She came a while later with hamburgers, fries and sodas.

"Here you go!" She said and gave me what I had asked for.

"Thanks! I appreciate it really much but it would feel better if I got to pay for my food."

"Hello no, it's cool. My treat."

"Ok, I really appreciate it."

"You can pay next time and we'll be even." She said and smiled.

We continued to talk a little as we ate, but she was soon done and began to get restless. I didn't let me get stressed up over her obvious frustration. Hardly had I taken the last bite before she practically carried me out of there.

"Come, I want to show you something."

"Um... Ok... what?"

"You'll see."

She took me to a small clothing store with the more exclusive brands of dresses and underwear.

"What are we doing here?"

"I want to show you something."

"In there?"

"Yes!"

"No."

"What do you mean, no?"

"I'm not going in there."

"Why not?"

"Because I know the woman that works in there and I don't like her."

"What does that matter? You don't have to talk to her."

"I don't want to."

"Ok ok, wait here then. I'll be right back."

She didn't seem very upset about my refusal but seemed pretty smug when she marched into the store. It took a while but eventually came out from there, though without a bag or anything in her hand. I looked questioningly at her.

"What did you do in there if you didn't get anything?"

"Oh I got something alright." She said and smirked.

"What do you mean?"

She looked around to see if anyone was around and when she concluded that wasn't the case she looked at me again and opened her jeans and showed me a pair of blue silk panties that was very snug fit. Her mound was clearly visible, as was the contours of her lips. I stared sheepishly at her exposed crotch before she just after that buttoned her jeans again.

"I didn't know you got to take the underwear on in the store."

"Of course you can't, but what they don't know won't hurt them."

I opened my mouth to say something but it got stuck in my throat. She must have stolen the underwear then. Or? She could have snuck in behind a shelf or something and put them on I guess. It didn't feel like her style to steal, not now that I begun to get to know her at least.

"So, should we stand here the whole day or head on?"

"Head on to where?"

"There?" She said and pointed.

In that direction was the movie theatre.

"You want to watch a movie?"

"Yes, please! Can't we? It was sooo long since I did that."

"Sure, ok..."

"Oh God, you're the best!"

I didn't even get a chance to answer to that before she once again dragged me away towards the movie. Before we went in she stopped before the posters.

"What do you like best? Action or romance?"

"Well, action really but it doesn't really matter to me."

"Ok, then we take the romantic one."

I was beginning to feel a little uncomfortable for some reason. She hadn't been this, for lack of a better word, strange yesterday. Then she had talked and joked and all that but now she was just hauling me around. I wasn't really comfortable in that situation. When we stood in line I considered giving her my voucher since my last visit but something held me back. Pretty soon she had once again paid for me, this time I didn't protest since I actually didn't feel like sitting there ogling a big screen. I had preferred sitting on the burger restaurant for a while longer to talk, and then go for a walk or something like that, anything but sitting in there. Big black clouds had begun heap up at the horizon and it felt like it was going to be a serious thunderstorm so I'd rather have enjoyed the sun before it disappeared. But I was afraid she'd get cross so I kept my mouth shut. It was fifteen minutes before the movie started so we got good seats.

Only when we had sat down she finally began to talk again. It's not like she hadn't been talking before it's just that it was more like the day before. We kinda talked about everything and nothing, like we had been friends for a long time. My feeling of unpleasantness began to ease and we didn't stop until the movie started. The theatre had filled a little but was far from full, plus everyone was strangely scattered. Only a bit into the movie I understood why. When I took my eyes away from the screen and looked at the people in front I saw that many couples were involved in their own activities. Mostly there was a lot of smooching, but a few I suspected had indulged in some lighter petting. I smiled to myself. At that moment I felt a hand searching its way into mine. I looked at Josefin but her eyes were still plastered to the screen, although a tiny smile could be distinguished on her lips. I felt a little insecure about the situation, didn't know if I really wanted it, but on the same time it was kinda cozy. It wasn't anything I had been prepared for since I hadn't noticed any signs before of her liking me that way but it was actually something alluring about it.

After that I had a hard time concentrating on the movie, partly because I sat there thinking about how it felt holding hands and partly because I couldn't help but to look at her all the time. But she still seemed to pretend nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Finally the movie ended and she let go of my hand. I nodded slightly without her seeing it and thought on the same time that it had probably just been because everyone else was doing it. She probably wouldn't do it again anyway. Slowly we exited the salon, there was a lot of people in front of us that tried to get out on the same time through the door. When we finally got through the door it was a little more open and didn't feel so crowded. At that moment I once again felt her hand sneak into mine. I looked at her and this time she gave me a shy smile. When we came to the front doors we stopped and stared outside. It was raining heavily!

"What should we do?" I asked.

"Well, my apartment is only about two blocks from here..."

"It is? I thought you lived at home."

"Not anymore. I moved just after school ended."

"No shit. I didn't know that.

"You were away so that's not very strange."

"How wet do you think we'll get?"

"We won't know unless we try."

Having said that we opened the doors and began to run, I let her run first since I didn't know where she lived. Pretty soon she jumped in under the roof of an entrance leading to a staircase, quickly she punched in the code and ran up the stairs with me in tow.

"Fuck, it's raining like hell!" She exclaimed.

"That's definitely an understatement."

She laughed as she produced her key and unlocked the door to an apartment with the name Josefin Nilsson on the mail slot. Quickly she wrenched it open and pulled me inside. We dripped water all over the place, we were quite literally drenched.

"If you take your clothes off I can dry them in the cabinet dryer."

"I don't know. I should head home."

"Oh come one! You're soaked, you'll get sick if you walk home like that."

"Well, but..." I tried.

"I'll only dry them and you can go, ok? You can borrow the phone so someone can come get you."

It didn't take much logic to realize that she was right so I nodded. "Sure, ok."

"Thought so." She said happily.

"How come you have a cupboard dryer by the way?"

"My regular dryer was broken when I moved in so I got to borrow it."

"Oh. I thought only kindergartens had those now days."

She laughed heartily at that statement.

"I'll get a towel and a robe for you so you can go into the toilet and take them off."

She went into the bedroom where she apparently kept the towels, the robe was in another closet. She grabbed one of each and gave them to me.

"The dryer is in there so you can just hang it in there right away."

"Ok."

I went into the bathroom and closed behind me. It was actually pretty nice, just like the rest of the apartment seemed to be. But to strip off all the clothes in the home of a girl I had made friends with just the day before, that I had really disliked before, felt weird. No, if felt extremely weird. But she was right, I couldn't go around in soaked clothes even when inside. So I began with removing the bandage around my arm and then wrench my shirt off, which wasn't easy considering how wet it was. It seemed to come almost a whole liter water from it when I wringed it out. After that I hung both of the clothing pieces inside the cupboard where they kept on dripping. Then I unbuttoned the pants, inside them I was fairly dry since the jeans actually had kept most of it out. That wasn't the truth for my shirt though and the bandage around my breasts was moist and began to get very cold so I understood I wouldn't be able to keep it on. This concerned me a bit. It's not particularly easy to hide two breasts of cup size B, at least that's what I think I'm supposed to have, under a robe. I removed the gauze and folded it a little so I could hang it underneath my shirt where it wouldn't be visible but still become dry. After the socks had come off I put on the robe. Now all I had on was that and a pair of boxer shorts, the bundle of socks I usually had in there had been left at home.