Chapter 41. The Appointment
They know how to get to the office. Dr. Michael Rosen. They hold hands walking from the car, or rather, Dylan crushes Tommy's hand in a tight grip as if he's hanging on to sanity. "don't break my finger bones, pup," says Tommy. Dylan lightens up and apologizes. Tommy says, `nothing to forgive.' "I'm happy to be your squeeze toy whenever you need it, baby, but you're a nervous wreck right now and I can't do anything about it because it's all your bundle of hurt with a thick wall around it." This, surprisingly enough, calms Dylan down a bit. Just a bit, but everything helps.
They get to the office at 8:28. Before they even have a chance to sit down the Doctor's office door opens and Dr. Michael Rosen walks right to them and offers his hand to Dylan. "You must be Dylan," he says, "and dylan's hand trembles as he reaches out to shake his hand. "You know who I am. You may call me anything that is comfortable for you: Dr. Rosen, Doctor, Michael, Mike, Sir." He smiles. Tommy giggles. "Hi, I'm Tommy. Was that last word a joke? Sir?"
"Tommy (he already had learned their names), I respect that fact that you are the one he often calls `Sir," but I must let you know that for many clients, that is the most comfortable word."
Dylan takes a deep breath. "Can I call you `doc', Sir?"
Doc laughs. "Doc, SIR?"
"I mean Doc. . . ." Dylan folds into Tommy.
"Tommy, why don't you bring Dylan into my office and sit next to him," asks Doc.
They do so and Doc sits across from them and crosses his legs. He is a 6' man, looks a lot like a Dom, is well built, well dressed, carries himself confidently, and Tommy is already impressed because he realized which one of the was Dylan just from their body language. He smiles. "Dylan, do you remember the comic strip Peanuts?"
"Yes, Sir.. DOC"
Tommy speaks to Dylan, "Baby, it is okay if you call him Sir. Go ahead. I'm fine with it."
Doc continues, "Dylan, do you remember what Linus used to carry around all the time?"
"Yes, Sir. His blanket."
"that's right. His security blanket." he sits quietly.
Dylan strokes Tommy's face. "He is mine."
"Your , , , ?'
"My security blanket. Always keeps me safe. Always protects."
Doc moves on. "I'm wondering, Dylan, considering why we are here, if you could possibly be able to feel safe with me here while Tommy is in the other room and can come if you call him?"
Dylan looks to Tommy and Tommy nods. Dylan says, "That would be okay, Sir." He lets go of Tommy and Tommy goes into the other room and shuts the office door.
Doc praises him. "Good for you. It is obvious that you are a very brave young man."
Dylan is confused, "Brave? That sounds wrong. I'm not brave. I am always anxious, always afraid, and need Tommy so very very much to protect me."
"Brave men surround themselves with allies who are stronger than them if possible. That is exactly what you do. Tommy is your stronger ally. You are smart to rely on him. You are brave."
"brave . . ."
"Dylan, consider how much you have survived. not in detail, son, but just the idea of it all. You are also a survivor."
"I hope I can survive what just happened."
"Tell me about it."
"My brother Tiger is 3 years older than me and is a thug and a bully and he has been beating on me all my life. he even learned ways to hurt me a lot without leaving marks and he did it all the time. and he hates Tommy and hates that I spent so much time with him and am living with him now so he can't get to me. But he just did. He sent me an email."
"What did it say?"
"I don't know. I was afraid to look. So Tommy put it on his phone and deleted it from mine."
"how did that make you feel?"
"relieved. and grateful to Tommy for thinking up the idea."
"He's pretty smart, huh?"
"In most things, yes, Sir he is."
"Can you tell me anything about the email or about why it worries you."
"cause he has never ever emailed me before. this is strange. And I am afraid he is threatening me with something or is going to come after me."
"but you don't know for sure."
`no, Sir."
"And Tommy hasn't told you anything about it?"
"No, Sir. tommy hasn't read it either. He gave it to his father, Thomas Roberts."
`Yes, I know of him well. And so then what happened?"
"Tommy's father—I call him papa—read it and said he would take care of everything,"
"You must be relieved."
"I am, but still scared."
"there have been lot of scary things that have happened to you."
"You're not kidding!"
"What do you do when something scares you now, Dylan?"
"if I can I tell Tommy. If not I kind of fold up and just want to disappear from it."
"Have there been times when Tommy wasn't available or you couldn't get to him?"
"OH yes, all the time when I lived at home---I mean with my parents."
And so the conversation continues. When it is finished, the doctor gives Dylan ore tissues to dry his eyes. Then he leaves the room and sends Tommy inside. When Dylan sees Tommy, he jumps up and sobs in his arms. Tommy just holds him.
After a good long while, Dylan calms down and Tommy dries his tears, takes him by the hand and brings him into the outer office. Dylan smiles when he sees Doc, who now speaks, "Dylan, you did an amazing job in there. You told me so much and you were brave enough to speak about painful things. You are still upset now but you will begin to feel much better in a little while. I'll see you again in two weeks. don't be afraid to call if you really need to get to me before then." He says goodbye to Tommy as well and then goes back into his office.
Tommy says to Dylan, "Two weeks from today I will be your husband, but you can still make the appointment. the wedding's not until 4 pm."
Dylan perks up. " I invited the Doctor too."
"Hmmmm.. Maybe he'll come with Dr. Mary."
"Maybe there's something going on between the two of them." Dylan giggles.
They leave the office making other jokes about the two doctors and get into the car and drive back to Tommy's parents' house. BACK AT THE HOUSE
They get back to the Roberts' house and go straight to their room. Dylan undresses and why he is doing that he tells Tommy about his session with the doctor and how he talked about things that he never even talked to Tommy about. Tommy is curious, but doesn't want to push the issue with his boy and so simply accepts whatever Dylan wants to tell him.
"Tommy, Doc said that I'm brave. I never thought of myself that way before. I'm always so needy and anxious."
"Well, baby, it seems to me that you'd have to be brave to endure all the anxiety that you have so often."
"He also called me `survivor'"
Tommy agrees. "yes, and I'm always proud of you, baby, even when you fold into me like a little boy for comfort. I think that takes a certain kind of bravery as well."
"He has so many good things to say about you. I was afraid he would be suspicious of our relationship but it didn't seem that way. I mean, look at the way he helped me be in the room with him alone without you there. It wasn't as if he thought there was something wrong about you."
"No, of course not. It was important for you to have a private meeting with him without me there. After all, you already told me that you talked to him about things that you never have talked about with me. You wouldn't have been able to do that if I were there."
"I talked a lot about ttttiger and the things he did to me all the time. it just came pouring out of me. First time I ever mentioned it to anyone."
"Honey, it's okay that you don't tell me everything if you don't want to or feel ashamed about it. What matters is that you're safe now and I love you and that bastard will never hurt you again."
"I always got punished whenever I got home after being with you. Awful stuff."
"You don't need to go there, baby." Tommy wraps him up in his arms.
"I want you to know. He would strip me naked and throw me out the back door of the house, even when it was raining or snowing or if there was snow on the ground, and wouldn't let me in until I cried and pounded on the door and begged him to let me in. And when I got in he would punch me in the balls many times until I was doubled over in pain. Then he would use pressure points to torture me and then lock me in his closet sometimes for hours or even overnight. And when he let me out, he would dress me in girl's clothes and him and my younger brothers would make fun of me and call me names."
"So that's why you've never been interested in cross-dressing."
"right. And how I safeword if you try to go at my balls."
"Well, I'll never do that again, pup, now that I know. But tell me, does it bother you that I like you to be naked?"
"No, Tommy, because it's for a different reason. It's because it gives you pleasure to look at me naked, not because you're trying to humiliate me."
"It makes me really sad that you got punished by him because you had spent time with me. And yet, you always wanted to be here even though you know what would happen to you when you got home. Talk about being brave!"
"The happiness of being with you made everything else worth it, sweetheart."
"How about being locked in the closet?"
"I guess part of me was actually getting off by the bondage. And besides, when I was locked up he wouldn't be able to hurt me, so I was safe. I thought a lot about you then, and sometimes I guess I actually went into a kind of sub space. The worst part of it was when I was thirsty or hungry. But he stopped doing that when I got older. And he stopped stripping me when I started growing hair. He said it disgusted him."
"sounds like he had a thing for little bare boys."
"I guess. I wonder if he's molesting young boys now."
"I'm gonna tell Dad to put some private investigators on it. If we could get him caught at it, he'll end up in jail for a good long time. It's worth the effort. Baby, let's put on jeans and t-shirts and go downstairs now."
"yes, Sir." Dylan smiles.
When they come downstairs, Mom greets them with brownies and milk and asks how things went. Dylan relates a little about what happened and how he is feeling pretty good now, and also how he's going to have an appointment the morning of the wedding.
"Are you sure that's a good idea if you're going to be bringing up painful memories?"
"Never thought of that, Momma. Maybe I should put it off. What do you think, Tommy?"
"Well, I certainly wouldn't want anything to bring you down on that special day."
"Then I'll call and reschedule till after the wedding."
Mom speaks up. "Dylan, you're going to spend the night before the wedding at your house with Phil, while Tommy will be here with Doug. Its bad luck for the groom to see the `bride' before the wedding."
"Stupid custom!" Dylan outbursts. "Besides, I'm not a bride!"
Mom and Tommy crack up. "We were only teasing you, sweetheart!"
Tommy smiles at Dylan: "Glad you protested. Shows how brave you are, and how no one can kick you around any more." He explains to Mom: "Doc is encouraging Dylan to realize how brave he is."
Mom answers, `I could have told you that, dylan. I've always looked at you like a brave little boy who had been given a bad lot in life but learned to overcome it."
Dylan blushes and tries to change the subject. "Any more details about the wedding you have to tell us?"
Mom takes out her list. "The musicians have signed on and are looking forward to working in such an awesome location. The menu is set for filet mignon or lobster or a combination."
"Wow," says Dylan. "Expensive."
"You're worth it," says Tommy, and besides, you're not allowed to worry about money, sweetheart, ever."
"Yes, Sir," says Dylan and then covers his mouth, embarrassed to say that in front of their mother.
Mom giggles. "As if I didn't know, Dylan. Tommy has always been your SIR."
Tommy reaches over and kisses Dylan on the side of his neck. "And you thought she would never know, silly boy."
"Anything else?" again Dylan tries to change the subject.
"Tux fittings any night this week. Make sure Phil and Doug know. 7 pm. Call to make appointments."
"reservations have been made for seven nights in the matrimonial suite (they don't call it a Bridal suite any more) at the Regency Hotel at Central Park South. Chauffeured limo available for the entire week."
"Did you know about this, Tommy?"
"of course, baby. I planned it for us. You told me to make any arrangements I wanted to, so you're getting nothing but the best. AND I have a list of places for us to visit daytimes and evenings. he winks."
Thomas comes downstairs and hugs both boys. Mom takes him by the hand and speaks up. "And your father and I have planned a special surprise for you as our wedding gift to you."
Tommy brightens up. "Oh wow. Are you going to tell us now?"
Mom smiles. "Yes. You planned to be spending your wedding night here at the house, but we decided you needed a lot more privacy than that. And so, at 10 pm the night of the wedding, you are being picked up by helicopter and taken directly to the hotel (which has a landing site on the roof) and will spend your wedding night in your suite at the hotel."
"OMG!!!" both boys yell out. That is amazing!
Tommy whispers to Dylan "and our wedding night is going to be very very special, baby. I have plans for you." "I have plans for you too, Sir."
Dylan hugs Momma. "How can I possibly thank you?"
Thomas replies: "you don't need to, Son. We are so happy and so proud of the kind of men you have become. Nothing but the best for you for your entire week."
Once again Tommy finds he needs to speak with his father privately. First he takes Dylan aside and asks him if it's okay that he tells his father about the "bare boy" story. Dylan nods." Tommy and Thomas go into his office.
"Another issue has come up, Dad. Dylan is starting to open up about things that happened to him at home. It seems that whenever Dylan was here, when he got home Tiger would go wild on him and, among other things, would strip him naked and make fun of him, and other things as well that I don't need to go into. But Dylan told me that Tiger stopped doing that once he started growing pubic hair. Which leads us to suspect that Tiger has always had a thing for bare little boys, and we're wondering . . "
Thomas picks up ". . . whether he has been molesting pre-pubescent boys. And this has been going on since Dylan was about, say, 13?"
"I'd say 12, Dad. The past 8 years, in fact."
Thomas assures him that he will be investigated immediately. He picks up the phone and dismisses Tommy, who goes back into the kitchen. Tommy nods to Dylan, who breathes a sigh of relief. Tommy suggests Dylan go to call Doc about rescheduling his appointment. "I think I'd be open to seeing him next week," agrees Dylan, who goes into another room to make the phone call. He comes back in a few minutes. "All set," he says.
Thomas comes back and smiles at Tommy. He asks to speak to Dylan. They go into the office. "Dylan I want you to know that I have already made arrangements for Tiger to be investigated concerning a possible "interest" in young boys after what he did to you. I don't want to push you to drag up memories, but if there is anything you know of that Tiger has done or is doing that is illegal—aside from abusing you---it would be really helpful for us to know that." Dylan sits down and thinks for a bit. "Drugs, Sir, I know for sure. More than just grass. And I think he used a date rape drug on me once. But he didn't molest me, just did it for fun. He never did anything sexual with me as far as I can remember."
"Thank you for this information. I know it's hard for you to dwell on these things."
"But I'm thinking of myself as brave now, Sir, and that is helping a lot."
"I'm glad to hear it. And I'm very proud of you, son. Always have been. Always will be." They embrace and go back inside where Mom has prepared a very nice luncheon for them. dylan's favorite: Chicken and dumplings with a lot left over to bring home.
After lunch they go over the wedding responses. All of the people the boys have invited have accepted except for cousin Mike, one of the swimmers named Tod (who has already gone home to CA), and Tommy's accounting professor who is a conservative Christian and objects to same-sex marriage. In addition, college administrators are coming including the College President, the EVP, the moderator of the college GSA, three of dylan's professors and the RD of their dorm. Some of their buddies are bringing dates, and, of course, Peter-sammy and Tony-Markus are coming as couples, as well as Spike (Spencer the waiter) and his bf Brian. Thomas has invited quite a few extended family members, many of whom have declined, and business associates who are gay-affirming. Doctor Mary and Doctor Mike are coming together. It is going to be a nice assembly of well-wishers.
Mom asks what music the boys want for their dance. Tommy says As long as I'm standing here AND One hand, one heart from West Side Story. Thomas promises that he intends to dance for a bit with each of the guys, which makes them very happy.
They leave around 4 pm, having made arrangements for dinner with Phil and Doug and their girlfriends.
END OF CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
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