God, it's confusing in the gay world. Masc, fem, top, bottom, vers, switch... I'm 30 years old and I still don't know what are the appropriate labels to describe myself. I guess in the old days it didn't matter so much. If you wanted some casual sex on the side after a hard day's work, you headed down to the local beat, the local bathroom, the cruisiest bar; you saw what was on offer and you took it from there. I mean, once your eyes locked with another hungry guy's, the energy between you took control. Once you were in his grip, or he in yours; once his tongue was licking on your neck, biting on your ear, or thrusting through your sweet puckered lips invading your mouth, you knew immediately who was in control, and what your place was.
Not like today. Dating apps filled with "100% bottoms" demanding "total tops", and nothing less. "100% Actives" demanding submissive bottoms to service their needs... I mean, what happened to just wanting to hook up with someone cause you thought he looked attractive? Now we have to be advertising gurus specialising in selling ourselves just to get a ten minute shag with a guy who's supposedly just as horny as we are??
Fuck, I hate them. Grindr, Scruff, blah blah blah... you gays are a hard lot to please I've realised! However, I'm a horny guy most of the time so I have no choice. It kinda doesn't help that I've got quite a meaty member swinging between my legs. Yeah, that's a good thing and I should be thankful... but... when guys see it, it's like they automatically go into hungry bottom mode. They're down on their knees in a flash, mouths watering at the prospect of getting my girth inside their hungry little mouths. Which is okay and all, I'm not complaining exactly... but then they'll be bending over in front of me, shoving a condom and some lube into my palm, and expecting me to readily pound them into prostate heaven. I mean, it's cool cause sometimes that's exactly what I'm in the mood for. But other times I feel a bit short changed, always being the designated top.. Sometimes I wanna get down on my knees and get face to face with another dude's bulgy member. Sometimes I want to bend over and have a hot, muscled stud pounding away at my hungry hole. I have needs too!!
You could say I'm confused. I am. Like, since I was 13 and hormones started roaming through my bloodstream creating their usual havoc, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I liked guys. They were intoxicating to me, the way they looked, the way they sounded, the way their muscles bulged, even the way they smelled, I loved it all and it drew me in like honey to a bear. Only thing was... nobody ever told me if I was a top or a bottom. I was indecisive at the best of times, but this proved to be a real conundrum for me. Bar from my fantasies of bending over boys with peachy bums, or ogling athletic studs in the locker room as their soft but meaty cocks hung and bounced majestically as they moved, when I finally got the courage to hook up in real life with another guy it did little to instill any confidence in what I really was. He was a lot older than me, he took me up to his hotel room, pulled down my trackie bottoms and proceeded to enjoy himself sucking on my teenage cock. It was nice. At some point though, he decided he wanted to rim me, and spun me round, and I tell you when he prized apart my butt cheeks and his tongue started to lap and probe at my hole.... holy shit! It was like a bolt of electricity running through my inner being. I knew instantly what a fucking pleasure it was to get your arsehole serviced. I instinctively arched at the waist trying to allow my rimmer the maximum access to my sensitive puckered hole, and began to grind my bottom eagerly into his face. Yeah, what a fucking rush! Trouble was, my man was obviously on the bottoming side of things himself. He turned me around, wanting to suck on more of the D, eventually pulling off and furiously jerking me off, demanding that I splooge all over his face and mouth. Which I did. And it was nice. But as he knelt there jerking himself off with my juice running down his cheeks, I couldn't help feeling like I had been cheated out of an amazing arse experience myself. He had teased my hole with his probing tongue, and now I knew I liked it and wanted - no needed, more of it.
I think like a lot of other guys in my position, I kind of had a hard time accepting it. Like, being gay was one thing. I was okay with that. But being designated a big ole' bottom... well, that was something else. Surely I couldn't be... I might not be the most masculine guy in the world, but there were plenty of gay guys a lot more fruity than me. And besides, when I jerked off I'd fantasise about throwing some hot stud down on the bed, lifting his legs onto my shoulders and pounding away while watching his cute little face squirm at the pleasure of having a meaty cock up inside his guts. Yeah... a cute preppy, blonde haired guy with full pink, glistening lips pursed in pleasure as soft moans escaped from the depths of his soul. That image got me off all the time. That, or my recurring fantasy of my dark haired office worker. He'd be staring sultrily at me across the office as we worked. He'd be looking all deliciously prim and sophisticated in his grey suit, parading himself deliberately in front of me in those suit trousers, fabric hugging at his well developed, pert butt. He'd look over his shoulder to make sure I was watching, and with a knowing look he'd grab at his package to let me know he knew what was up. He'd disappear into the bathroom, and a minute later I'd get up from my desk and follow him there. I'd walk to the farthest stall, and find him there bent over in front of me, his expensive suit trousers down at his ankles while his muscular white globes of arse presented themselves wantonly in front of me. He'd be looking over his shoulder, eyes glazed over with pure, unadulterated cocklust, and I'd unzip and pull out my hard, fat cock. At first I'd just rest it between his arse cheeks, and he'd let out a whimper. And then he'd begin to grind himself back against me, wanting to feel that cock right up between his cheeks. I'd grind back, us humping one another, my precum beginning to drip down into his valley, wetting up his hole for the impending invasion we both knew was about to come. I'd wet my finger and begin to probe at his puckered arse lips, and his hole would open and swallow my fingers up, him desperately wanting something bigger and thicker up in there. I'd pull out and reach my fingers round to his face, letting him get a real sniff of his own beautiful arse scent. Then I'd probe my finger into his mouth as his lips greedily sucked and licked at me, wanting to get as much of his arse flavour into his tongue as possible. And while he was preoccupied with this, I'd deftly begin to penetrate at his hole with my engorged cock. Again, he'd whimper, and then let out a low guttural moan as he realised he was being impaled from behind. Fuck anyone else in the toilets now, if they heard us or didn't hear us, I was there to fuck this stud's glorious meaty bottom, and he was there to get fucked, his hole stretching to accommodate me as I thrusted, slowly at first, wanting to tease him. Getting deep inside and holding it there, letting him know he was mine while he held his breath, and then slowly pulling out again, before increasing the speed. In, out, in, out, in, out. Me breathing heavy from the exertions, and his low moans turning higher in pitch as his body became overcome by the pleasure of being manfucked here, dirtily in the toilets at work. Eventually it would become too much and I'd need to blow. He壇 realise it too, but I could tell from the way that he continued to thrust himself back into me that he didn't want my nut anywhere but deep inside his guts. We'd both moan as I thrust deeper into him and hold his hips tightly as one, two, three and more loads spurted deep inside him. I'd kiss his lips deeply to silence his unabandoned moaning as I deposited deep within him. Us both a mess now in shirts and ties displaced from all the rutting, I'd hold him there caressing his manly body as I gently pull out. I'd watch as some of my cum dripped from his hole and landed with a splodge on his pulled down underpants between his ankles. It would leave a stain I would hope. A sign of all the sluttery we had both wantonly engaged in. The rest of the cum he'd keep inside him, and eventually at some point when he was back at his desk it would start to drip out too and he'd feel a warm, wet and sticky spot beneath him as he typed an email to some client somewhere. Yeah. That was my fantasy.
So... back to the real world, I continued to search out guys to fuck about with, still thinking from my fantasies that I might be a top. My second hook up was actually really quite hot in a number of ways. Still, it didn't serve to enlighten me any further to my true nature. Dude placed an online advert for an anonymous hookup. I turn up, door on latch, and through the doorway to his bedroom, true to his word I see his meaty exposed behind patiently waiting, doggy style on his bed. He wore a hood as he said he would - his choice not mine, wanting it to be as anonymous a meeting as possible. I entered the room and quickly went to work at licking and kissing at another guy's arsehole for the first time. And it wasn't long before he was thrusting the condoms and lube my way. He wanted it quick and fast, while I wanted to take my time and make it last a little. Still, I obliged him and within a short while, I slipped my real life cock into a real life man for the first time. He loved it. Immediately there was a change in his disposition, like a puppy who痴 just been thrown its favourite ball to play with. His head shot up as he arched his back and thrust back, moaning at getting what he really wanted - anonymous fat dick up his randy hole. Looking back on it now, I was surprised at how loose he was. He had obviously done this a lot. And while I did kind of enjoy it, I dunno... the "energy" seemed a bit wrong to me. I pulled out and he spun around on the bed, maintaining his doggy style pose, pulling off the condom and greedily swallowing down my cock, bathing it with his saliva and spit. Man, he was definitely an expert at this. Don't think I ever got a better blowjob than that even to this day. And when he thought that my cock was now slick enough, he did what? He spun round again maintaining his doggy position and wanting me back inside him. I re-entered him, and we fucked again for a short while, but again something didn't seem so right to me. I don't know, maybe it was again because he was older and clearly far more experienced than me. Maybe I was afraid that I wasn't going to be able to give him the hot fuck that he so desperately needed, but I pulled out again, and decided I wanted to rim him some more. I did, trying to thrust my tongue as deep as it could possibly get up into his now kinda sloppy hole. It was then that I realised something. Hanging down just inches in front of my chin was... his cock. Another dude's cock. Up to this point I'd never actually touched one before. The curiosity and temptation was too much to resist. I reached forward and grabbed it. It was hard, but smaller than my own. Maybe about 6 inches with a nice, attractive upward bend so that it pointed up towards his stomach. But it felt... nice. Real nice. Like... really nice. Who'd have thought it? Holding another man's cock in my hands satisfied me immensely. I loved playing with it while I continued to rim him, taking special note of the particular movements which seemed to turn him on. Eventually, holding it and jerking it in my hand wasn't enough. I wanted to taste it. I wanted to suck this stranger's lovely cock. Without asking him I removed my tongue from his hole and pulled his cock down through between his legs and began to suck him off proper. I liked it as much as I thought I would. I realised that my tongue had the power to give this guy some serious pleasure as he seemed to be responding to what I was doing. I read that the most sensitive part of a guy's dick is on the underside just beneath his head. I especially tried to pay this part attention with my tongue, and every time I'd flick at it his body would respond, either with an involuntary jerk or a deep moan. Yep, I loved this. And I jerked my own cock as I sucked at his. As I lapped and lapped at his cock, my own pleasure built up and I realised I couldn稚 hold it much longer and was gonna shoot. I pulled off his cock and told him I was gonna shoot as I sprung up and shot a huge load of cum all over his back, his head and his bed. Again, he spun around and excitedly swallowed my cock down, devouring and licking clean any remaining juice and cum. He was happy. I didn't want to seem like I was only interested in my own pleasure, because I wasn't, and after all it was sucking him off that got me so fucking excited in the first place; and since he hadn't yet cum, I went back to sucking on his cock. It's never as good once you yourself have just cum, but I went back to work diligently, determined to give this guy as big an O as I'd just experienced. Clearly again, he was a dedicated bottom, and he told me to finger his hole as I sucked him. He got more and more excited the more fingers I used and the deeper those fingers probed. Soon I was deep finger fucking him with three fingers, while sucking at his cock, as his moaning was getting more and more constant, and his body started to contort and flex as his balls started to unload his seed. It was soon spurting into my mouth, warm manly seed that I'd never tasted before. It was a good feeling, knowing I'd been able to pleasure this man and make him cum. As he flopped down on the bed, now totally spent, I pulled up my jeans and began to exit the room, and he muttered a groggy but sincere "Thank you" as I left. Wow, I thought. That was good. I don't know whether I should have been disappointed by the fact that my venture in "topping" had clearly been less than successful. But in the end it was definitely a hot session. He got to cum, I got to cum. He got to taste my cum, I got to taste his. He clearly enjoyed it even though it wasn't exactly what he signed up for, and I know I fucking enjoyed it even though I was clearly not the 100% top that he was advertising for... So, my confusion over what kind of gay man I really was deep down continued...