Hey everyone. I just got back from a 5 week experience of a life time. I am so so sorry I didn't update before I left, I meant to really I did. Anyhow, you don't want to be bothered by this nonsense so I'll make it short and sweet. Minors = NO! BAD MINORS BAD! No cookie for you. The celebrities involved are not friends of mine, they are real people who are not associated with and thusly i have no idea of whether they are heterosexua, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, trisexual, etc. etc. Feed back is always welcome, weeg_wrote_something@hotmail.com , and again I am so sorry I appologize and I grovel at your feet begging of your forgiveness. Enjoy ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ :-)
I had hoped to slip in unnoticed, so I could change and go out to dinner with everyone and ignore the fact that we were late because my past was biting me in the ass. I had no such luck, being greeted by a very hungry and impatient Joey at the door of the elevator. "There here!" he hollered, and bounced down the hallway.
"Get ready we're leaving," Lance said popping his head out of the door to his room.
"I'm not changing," Josh said, making me realize that I was dressed basically appropriately so I may as well keep the same clothes for dinner.
"Neither am I," I said, walking past him into my own room, "But I do need to make a phone call, someone knock when we're leaving, it's not important."
I shut the door to my room and hurled myself onto my bed. Today had brought on to much for me to process all at once. Brian loved me still. He needed me, and damn it I needed him too, so why was it so difficult for me to just say yes, take me back, I miss you, I love you.
Quickly picking up the phone and dialing I waited for my sister to answer, she would be the only one home, with the exception of Brian if he was still there. "Hello?"
"Hey, it's me."
"So it is."
"Is he still there?"
"He just left."
"Pri what am I going to do?"
"Well sweetie the logical answer is take him back, but for some reason you're feeling very illogical so you won't. I don't understand why, and I probably never will, but hun you two are so in love and he's right, 3 weeks of being broken up doesn't erase the three years of history you two have, the three happiest years of both of your lives."
I had no idea how to respond to that. Everyone was making so much sense, but for some reason I still couldn't bear to let myself be with Brian again. "Pri," I said quietly. I wasn't quite sure how I wanted to finish the sentence so Josh knocking on the door and saying we were leaving was a welcome distraction. "Sweetie I have to go I'll talk to you later."
"You can't ignore this forever Kai,"
"I'm not ignoring it; I'm going out to dinner with the guys."
"Fine. Call me later. Love you."
"Love you too." I hung up the phone, grabbed a coat and walked out the door to see 5 faces staring at me with mixed expressions. "Hi?" I said more as a question than as a statement, genuinely wondering why they were all staring at me.
"Hi!" Joey laughed, grabbing my hand and shaking profusely.
"Did we interrupt something important?" Justin quickly asked.
"No, no not at all," I said shaking my head, "I can call Pri back anytime, you guys ready to eat I'm starved!"
"Yeah me too, let's go," Chris whined, walking next to me as we took the lead. There was a limo waiting for us and we quickly piled in, asking the driver to take us to the finest Greek restaurant in town.
"I'm impressed," I said.
"Why?"
"Not too many people can actually appreciate Greek food."
"Hey I like my Gyro and honey puffs as much as the next guy!" Justin said with a grin.
I was amazed that people other than me were aware of the fact that restaurants come in more than just Italian, French, and Chinese.
"Give me stuffed grape leaves and a big bowl of Tzatziki any day." I said with a smile, and noticed Lance shudder.
"Tzatziki? Are you crazy?"
I look at him, and tilted my, then very calmly in a matter of fact voice said, "Yes," much to everyone's amusement.
The restaurant was very spacious and well laid out in white and silver. There was a very airy feel to the whole place; it was a nice to change to `cozy' restaurants which usually meant dark colors and a booth for four that could barely seat 2. There a small patio set in the middle with a lovely Greek fountain and some girls dressed in tunics from the days of the Roman Empire, who giggled as they filled pitchers of water and went around to the tables refilling each person's glass. It was very nice, and definitely different. I felt like I was dining on Mount Olympus beside Zeus.
We were quickly seated by a young gentlemen and one of the girls was soon at our table filling our glasses and being hit on by Joey. "Joey we're here for the food," Lance whispered loudly enough for all of us to hear. Even the girl got a chuckle as she walked away blowing a kiss to Joey.
"Ain't nothing wrong with dessert!" He smiled.
"Jesus Joey, you have a daughter,"
"But not a wife!" The group let out a collective disgusted sigh and he chuckled to himself as we all opened our menus and looked through the food which all looked delicious. The young man was soon back to take our orders and we made small talk that was completely random and irrelevant to everything while we waited.
Cocktails arrived, followed by appetizers and then salads and through the whole time which had to have been at least half and hour I kept noticing Lance and Josh giving me strange looks. I prayed to myself that Josh hadn't told Lance about Brian but I couldn't be sure. I decided there was really only one thing to do, plant some bait and see who would bite. I jerked my head up sharply so that everyone would stop eating and look at me.
"Sorry," I said, "My phone's on vibrate." I slipped out my phone and very dramatically sighed and breathed out "damn it." I looked back up at the table where Joey and Chris had returned to their food. "I'm sorry you guys, but I have to take this. I'll be right back." With that I excused myself and headed for the bathroom.
Slipping into a stall and peeking through the crack in the partitions I waited. After a few moments the door started to creak open. I started having a very heated conversation with my phone which was still turned off, but I kept my voice low, feigning the need for privacy.
I wasn't at all surprised to see Lance pop his head in through the door. `Oh he's good,' I thought to myself as he occupied the stall next to me, going so far as to unzip and pull down his pants.
"Brian you can't keep calling me!" I hissed into the phone. "No, Brian no stop it. I don't care! Brian I'm for what ever pain you have but you should have thought of that before..." I cut myself off for effect. "How can you even compare this to that! That was almost 3 years ago, and we weren't attached then." The pant legs went up, and the toilet flushed. Again with my face plastered to the crack in the door, I watched Lance step up to the counter to wash his hands. Time to make my move.
"Brian," I said trying to unlock the door as silently as possible, "It's over and it'll never work, kind of like Lance's stupid ass attempt to find out who Brian is."
Lance turned around with a surprised look on his face to find me standing the door way with a grin on my face. "Hi!" I said cheerily.
"Oh hello. I um, had to use the facilities."
"You're such a bad liar Lance."
"What? I had to..."
"You had to eaves drop on my conversation because you know the topic but not the details."
"Well," he stammered, beginning to blush, "Alright fine, I figured it might be that Brian guy and I wanted to figure out what the hell is going on!"
I sighed, "What did Josh tell?"
"Josh knows something?" he said in a voice that had just a hint to much excitement in it.
"What did he tell you?"
"Nothing I swear!"
I squinted and looked at him, studying his face. There were simple ways to tell if someone was lying. They'll tilt their heads slightly to the right, or in an attempt to come up with an excuse their eyes will shift to the left, the creative side of the mind. He was calm and collected and seemed very sure of his answers keeping his focus straight ahead. He wasn't lying Josh hadn't said a word. "How did you know about Brian?"
"Ever since that first call he's called at least 15 times."
"What!" I said enraged that he was in essence stalking me. "Yeah, he keeps telling who ever answers that it's really imperative that he speaks to you."
"He does what!" I could feel my blood boiling at the complete lack of consideration of my feelings on his part.
"Should I not be telling you this?" Lance asked meekly, noticing my angered state. My fists were clenched, my shoulders hunched up, I may as well have been breathing fire through my clenched teeth.
"Has he done anything else?" I growled. I didn't mean to be angry with Lance; it was just so easy to.
"Um, well, not really, I mean"
"What did he do," I said icily with such a menacing undertone that I thought I may have actually really scared Lance.
"He sent you a fax. I didn't see it. No one did, the hotel received it and it went right into an envelope. It's in the mail for tomorrow." He looked at me with a queer expression. It was a mixture of concern and complete and utter fear. "Are you ok?" He asked quietly.
"Lance, friend, buddy, amigo," I said trying not become hysterical, "you're going to go back out there and apologize to the guys for me because I need to leave. I am going to hail a cab and go back to the hotel. When you guys come back you will most likely hear screaming and things being thrown against the wall. Do not check on me unless you want to be caught in my fury." I finished my speech and patted Lance's shoulder as I walked by.
"Um," he said, obviously what was going to become some sort of a lecture.
"Lance," I said calmly walking up to him. I raised my fist, "You want to move because I am going to throw a punch at your face in 5, 4, 3, 2," He moved just in the nick of time. I did throw the punch and I got the wall, leaving a small crack and some blood. The pain didn't even faze me.
"So yeah I'll go tell the guys," He said as I brushed past him and walked towards the exit. I hailed the first cab and ask to be brought back to the hotel. I felt bad for being so rude, and I knew I was letting my anger get the best of me, something that I had been working since I was a child to correct.
The entire ride to the hotel I tried my damnedest to calm myself down so I didn't break anything really expensive in the room. I paid the driver and wished him a good night, whether I meant it or not wasn't the point, it was an old habit from my pharmacy days. I climbed the stairs slowly, rather than taking the elevator, something I never did. I never used stairs, and when I did I usually bounded up them taking the steps 2 or 3 at a time.
One of the body guards greeted me at the door and I suddenly felt really bad for not knowing his name. I smiled and said hello before heading for my room. "Hey wait!" he called.
"Yes?"
"Where are the boys? Didn't y'all go out for some dinner?"
"Yeah, but I suddenly didn't feel good so I came back to the hotel."
"Oh didja take sick to the food?"
"Oh no sir, I've had a lot on my mind, I think it's just my rattled nerves telling me I need to take care of some business to finally get a big source of stress out of my life."
"Oh I see, well if there's anything you need, you know where I'll be at." He said with a smile.
I thanked him for the offer and ducked into my room. `Nice guy' I thought to myself. I had previously been under the impression that all body guards were big and scary and didn't associate with people at all, guess I was wrong.
I sat on the bed and pulled off the clothes I was wearing. The room was a bit warm so I pulled on a pair of pajama pants and opted to go shirtless. I threw open the balcony doors, letting the cool night air into the room, and braced myself for what was about to happen.
I was very grateful that my cell phone had such amazing reception in the room, because I sure as hell didn't want to pay the hotels' connecting charges. It still amazed me that after all the pain and grief and the ugly break up, he was still number 1 on my speed dial list.
The phone rang twice before his groggy voice flowed over the phone, "This had better be important." He said flatly with a yawn.
"It is," I hissed.
"Kai?"
"Brian why are you doing this? Why do you keep hurting me, why are you calling and sending me faxes, what the hell is going on with you?"
He sighed, "Because I miss you and I love..."
"Shut up!" I screamed into the phone, "That's not true! How dare you say you love me after all the shit you put me through. How dare you."
"How can you be sure from an ocean away,"
"Oh my God," I groaned into the phone, "Are you throwing this in my face again!?"
"Well how the hell did you expect me to react when you told me you got the job?"
"I don't know maybe like a good boyfriend would, maybe be happy for me not,"
"Make you choose I know that was stupid of me, Kai I've been thinking about this since the minute you walked out of our house. I had no right, but how was I supposed to apologize when you wouldn't take my calls or see me. What was I supposed to do?"
"Well stalking me sure as hell wasn't the right thing." I said sarcastically.
"Damn it Kai! I'm not stalking you; I needed to talk to you, to hear your voice, to..."
"Save it," I growled, "You made it perfectly clear when I left that it was either you or this job. I always thought you were more trusting than..."
"I do trust you," he whined into the phone. "Kai that wasn't me being untrustworthy that was me being jealous!"
"Jealous of what!"
"Jealous that you'd be working with N*SYNC for 8 months in Europe. Did you not expect me to be jealous? You're working with 5 beautiful men 1 who is gay and who you've had a crush on since you were like 11!"
I threw my phone into the pillows not believing what I had just heard. "Hello? Kai are you there?"
I picked up the phone, "You are such a retard!" I screeched into the phone, "If you want to make up a bull shit excuse at least make one up that doesn't have such a huge gap in it. Brian I didn't find out until the day I started working for them who I was working for how the hell do you expect me to believe you knew before hand?"
"Because I did!" he said adamantly.
"Brian will you drop the lie!"
"I'm not lying. Look I was sworn to secrecy when I found out,"
"Jesus Christ Brian..."
"Kai, I swear ask them who got you this job, go on ask them, any one of them."
"So what you're trying to tell me that you got me this job?" I laughed. "One of my professors set this all up for me."
"He was approached by someone, he didn't do shit. He was reluctant to say yes."
"Brian you're really pissing me off now."
"Go ahead I dare you," he said with an exasperated sigh, "I fucking dare you."
"I can't they went out for dinner."
"When they come back."
"Fine when they come back I will, and I'll throw it in your face."
"Kai," he didn't finish he just sighed into the phone.
"Brian this needs to end. Right now. You told me to choose and you made it perfectly clear that it was either you or this job. So I chose, and you're the one who has the problem with it. Besides if you were going to have a problem with it, why did you bother setting this whole thing up?"
"I personally didn't,"
"Brian drop the lie."
"I'm not lying. Kai three years, three years! Have I ever lied to you?"
I wanted to scream yes into the phone and I wanted to throw an example into his face. But I couldn't because there was nothing to throw in his face. "No," I said quietly. We had both calmed reasonably. I wasn't so much angry any more as I was confused, and very deeply hurt.
"Then why would you think I would start now?"
"Because you made it clear how we stood. It was either your way or the high way so to speak."
"Kai don't you understand?" he sighed again and sounded very tired.
"Understand what Brian, that if I want to be with you I have to be your little slave."
"No," he said quietly.
"Then what?"
"The fact that I was so scared of losing you that I wanted you to stay home with me. The fact that eight months is a long time Kai, we may love each other but it gets lonely touring, and you know that his bed is always open and looking for a warm body."
"He is a nice man Brian!"
"I never said he wasn't. I just said that it gets lonely, and every so often you need to feel loved."
"Well you sure as hell make someone feel loved when you make them choose."
"Damn it Kai I'm sorry, I was wrong, I apologize, I should have never done it but I was being stupid. I said something that I never should have and something I can never take back because it's out there, it's done the damage, but Kai I love you, I have for 3 years I will for the rest of my life. When you find some one who is this perfect for you, you know they're the one. You're my one."
His little speech had brought me close to tears. "Brian?" I asked holding back tears.
"Yes?"
"I love you too, and I miss you so much," I couldn't restrain the tears any more. "I want to come home and I want to see you and I want to fall asleep in your arms again."
"Shhh it's ok baby," he said trying like the gentleman he was to soothe me over the phone. "Do you want me to get you a plane ticket home?"
"Yes," I whispered into the phone.
"Are you going to be okay for the night? I have Justin's cell phone number, I can call him and ask him to spend the night with you..."
"No it's ok." I sniffled, "I'll be alright. I just need to go tell them that it was fun but it isn't working out, and that I need to come home. I'm sure they can find a replacement." I heard him sigh softly into the phone. "What's the matter?"
"Kai, you can't come home."
"But I want to. I'm not doing it for you, well I mean I'm doing it because of you but...well you know what I mean."
"I know, but this job is so important to you."
"Not as important as you, I'm so sorry I made such a big deal out of nothing,"
"It wasn't nothing, you had every right to because what I asked you to do was very wrong, and it was a very stupid thing for me to do, but it wasn't as stupid as it would be if you left this job."
"But I want to see you so bad. Brian I missed you so much,"
"Baby please stop crying, it's ok. I'll tell you what, I'll come to London. I have a few days off coming up, I'll see if I can't cut out early and spend the week with you in London."
"Do you really mean it?" I was smiling, but the tears were still flowing.
"Of course I do. What hotel are you at, I'll get a room in the hotel and everything."
"Brian," I laughed, "You can share my room."
"Ok." I could hear his smile through the phone. I felt horrendous when I realized that I had waken him up at almost 4 in the morning, but it just reminded me how prefect of a man he was. He got up then and there and made his travel arrangements online with me on the phone. "So it's settled, I'll se you in 2 days."
"I love you so much Brian, thank you."
"Anything for you. See you on Saturday."
"See you then. I love you."
"I love you too. Goodnight."
I chuckled to myself, "Goodnight." I didn't pass a mirror on my way out into the hall but I was sure that I was smiling from ear to ear. I had been on the phone with Brian for almost 2 hours and though the guys weren't home yet they were bound to come back any minute now. I took a seat on one of the many window seats that lined the hall way of the hotel.
I could not believe that in two short days the love of my life would be flying across an ocean with my sister to come see me. I sat, staring at the stars and I knew for a fact that they were never so beautiful nor had they ever shone as brightly as they did tonight.
From my window perch I watched the guy's limo pull and as they got out, joking with and shoving each other around, I was glad they had a good time despite me being a jack ass. I pushed the window open a little and I pulled my shoulders up to my chest enjoying my last moments of silence before the boys came bounding out of the elevator and making a ruckus trying to get to their rooms.
Justin exploded out of the elevator running at full speed with Joey and Chris close on his heels. Those three were always on each other's case about something, aggravating each other and trying to one up each other. It was always amusing to see the latest developments.
"You okay?" Josh asked as he passed by.
"Perfect," I said with a huge smile.
He cocked an eye brow and shrugged, "Whatever dude," he said with a chuckle as he unlocked his door and let himself in.
"Perfect?" Lance echoed.
"Better than."
He took a seat next to me and looked over the city. "So why so happy? I honestly thought you were going to tear my head off and spit down my neck when you stormed out of the restaurant."
I chuckled briefly. "I need to apologize for that. Sometimes my emotions get the best of me and they really shouldn't have, especially the way they did tonight. I am very sorry and I should have never let my temper get so out of control."
"No it's ok, look I don't know the entire Brian situation but it seems very agitating and stressful."
"It was."
"Was?"
"Was," I smiled. "Brian called and we talked, boy did we talk."
He smiled, "I'm going to take a long shot guess here, but you smoothed everything out?" he reached over and rubbed something off my cheek, "Eyelash."
"Yes, we worked everything out."
"So are you two a couple again?"
"How did you know?" I asked looking at him with a suspicious grin.
"I begged Josh after you broke the wall in the bathroom. Which by the way we had to give them $100 for that."
I laughed, "I'm sorry"
"No sweat, we can afford."
I laughed, "So um, yeah I guess we're back together."
He looked at me with a serious expression, "Are you sure this is what you want?"
I sighed and nodded, "I know things may have been very tumultuous these last couple of days since he started trying to get in touch with me, but...I dunno." I shrugged again and smiled.
"I do," Lance said, "You love him. You're in love."
"I guess I am."
"Well good for you,"
"Thank you," I said, sliding my arms around him in a hug. He tensed at first but slowly eased into it, "Thank you for everything Lance."
"No problem."
"Now get out of here, I need a cigarette," I said with a laugh before he threw a punch at my shoulder.
To Be Continued....