As always, if you're not supposed to be here, please leave. In other words, if men kissing, fucking, or doing anything remotely sexual offends, disgusts, or angers you then you should get out of here. This story includes sex between two men. But it is at heart, a love story. Plenty of sap, romance, and professions of love. So be warned. This work is copyrighted and may not be used without explicit permission from the author.
Comments, suggestions, complaints are all much appreciated and welcomed at grassisb@aol.com.
"On My Mind Again" - Dolly Parton
Enjoy, Anthony
Chapter One - On My Mind Again"That piece of shit. I can't believe he has the balls to show up here. I'm going to..."
This is what I didn't want. What I didn't need. I turned to my friend, my best friend.
"Calm down. Please."
She looked at me incredulously. "You act as if you knew he was coming..." I took a long gulp and then the penny finally dropped. I waited for her wrath. "... You did know he was coming. Are you crazy? He's a lying sack of..."
I cut her off. "I know." I sighed. "I know. Believe me I know. But he's Meg's brother for God's sake. How could I not invite him? I'm not going to ruin their party." She glared at me. "You can be mad. Hell I'm mad at myself. But I'm not going to be petty or stoop to his level. It's not worth it."
I could tell by her expression I had placated her a little. Thank God. Though she did have reason to be mad. I guess I should have warned her.
"I know I should have told ya." I smiled. "I'm over it. I really am over everything. It took lots of time. And lots of love." I cupped her chin. "Specially from you. But I gotta move on. And the best way I know how is to face it head on."
She sighed. "I have no idea why I'm so upset..." she sighed again "... he hurt you so bad Lukie. I just... I don't want to see you like that again." She grabbed my shirt. "Don't let him get to you okay? And if you need me, I'm here."
I smiled and pulled her into a bear hug. "I love you."
She shrugged and smiled. "What else is new?" She brushed off her top. "Alright Sissy. We've got a party to throw." I turned to walk away but she pulled me back my shirt collar. "Come here." She unbuttoned two buttons on my shirt and ran her fingers through my hair messing it up. She reached for my bottle of cologne and spritzed me with it. She stood back and appraised her work. Then she reached in and undid the bottom button of the shirt. Noticing my apprehension, she laughed at me. "Get over it. You're a hottie."
I rolled my eyes. "Yeah okay." I am incredibly self conscious about my image. Always have been. I'm not a dog mind you. But I'm not exactly an Abercrombie model either. I'm about ten pounds overweight. I'm not obese either. But I'm just not... well I'm just not what I wanna be. Ah the struggles of a college aged gay man.
"Oh please Lukie. You're smart, funny and adorable. You've got a nice body and you're fun to be around. To me that constitutes a hottie." She smiled. "Now let's go."
"We just wanna thank y'all for coming out on this horrid night... and thank you for the gifts." My brother hated giving speeches. Tonight was no exception. He had way too much alcohol and that kinda impaired his judgement. He's really shy and so just two beers suddenly he becomes the life of the party. He was at the stage now where he wasn't exactly wasted but let's just say that he wasn't exactly sober either. "And I want to thank my little brother." He looked around. "Where is he?" I was standing right in front of him. Okay so maybe he was wasted. "There he is. I wanna thank Lukie here for throwing this great party for me and Meg." He pulled me to him and gave me a huge bone crushing bear hug. He's a lot bigger than me. He put his arm around my shoulder. "Lukie here is single so if any of you guys out there wanna take a crack at this..." He whispered or at least attempted to whisper. "He's a good lay." "Ewwww." Someone screamed. I'm not sure who. Thank goodness my dear sister in law to be stepped in. "Pete and I just want to thank everyone for coming and we hope to see you all at the wedding." She mouthed the words I'm sorry to me. It wasn't a big deal. Everyone there was already wasted anyway so it didn't matter much. I was just glad that he was happy for once. He'd, well we'd, been through so much shit that he deserved to have a little happiness for once. And with Meg he seemed to find that. She knew how to keep him in line. Knew how to deal with his short temper with people. Knew how to handle Pete better than anyone I'd ever known. With the exception of maybe me. I felt a hand on my shoulder. "I'm so sorry." I turned to see Meg. "Please don't worry about it. It's okay. Plus..." I lowered my voice and smiled mischievously. "It's true." She laughed. "I wouldn't doubt it. My brother's told me things." I couldn't help it. I winced when she said that. You could tell as soon as the words escaped her mouth she was sorry she'd said it. She was about to apologize but I stopped her. "Meg, it's alright. It's just... a touchy subject for me." "Well I'm sorry anyway." She touched my face. "I still don't know exactly what happened. I guess it isn't any of my business either." It was though, at least I thought so, but I wasn't going to be the one to tell her. That was her brother's place. "I told you Meg that..." She cut me off. "I know." She sighed. "I can't stop loving him. I mean he's my brother." I knew that all along. I knew that when we got together in the first place. My brother had warned me about it. Emma warned me about it. But damn I was just head over heels in love. I didn't want to hear it. I didn't particularly want to hear it now either. "It's over now so..." She interrupted me again. "But I ain't going stop loving you either." I smiled. I knew then my brother had made a fine choice. "Thank you." She hugged me and whispered in my ear. "You'll find someone Lukie. Will doesn't know what he's missing." She let me go. "Now go. Go find some young stud and take his breath away." I laughed and went and found Emma chatting up some fine looking guy I'd never met before. She sure knows how to pick em. I wrapped my arms around her waist from behind. She settled back into them and laughed. "This loser behind me is my best girlfriend in the whole wide world." She pinched my cheek. "Lukie this is Alan." I held out my hand. "Luke. Nice to meet ya." He flashed a gorgeous toothy smile. God he was handsome. He had that perfect look. The effortless look I call it. Like he just rolled out of bed and still looked like a million dollars. I supposed he was straight though since he was talking with Emma and since I had no idea who he was. And believe me, I knew who everyone was at the party and I knew whether they were gay or straight. I guess I must have been staring a little too hard because he smiled shyly and asked. "I don't have something on my face or something do I?" God I felt like a moron. "No, no. I was just wondering where I knew you from." In other words I think you're so fucking hot. "I know I've seen you around." In other words I want to have mad, passionate sex with you. "I just can't remember where." And that was of course his chance to rip my clothes off and ravish me right there. He laughed. "Oh." Okay so maybe my plan didn't exactly work yet. Hell I didn't even know if he was gay. And then I got my answer. Loud and oh so clear. "He's here with me." I was broken from my delightful reverie of me and Alan sunning naked on a white sand beach when I came face to face with the one person I did not want to see tonight. I mean I knew it was inevitable. I had invited him and it wasn't that big of a party. I'd expected to run into him. I guess I just didn't expect him to be with someone. Though knowing Will, I guess it should have been expected. But being my cheery eyed, optimist self, I just figured he'd have a bit more class. "Hey." He said smiling a bit smugly as he wrapped his arm around Alan's waist. I could feel Emma tense up. I knew a wise crack was forthcoming. "Hello William. So lovely of you to grace us with your presence." "Emma dear. You're looking... well plumper than usual." Oh he didn't. She practically jumped out of my arms. "You..." I pulled her back and whispered in her ear. "It's not worth it." Alan, smart boy that he was, stepped in. "No it isn't." He turned to Will. "Stop being an asshole." He turned to me. "I'm sorry." I shrugged. "Don't worry about it." I turned to walk away. And then I heard it. "You're just gonna ignore me huh?" I turned around. "What?" "I don't even get a hello." He had to be kidding right? He didn't just say that. I looked him in the eye. "You're kidding me right. You wanna do this here." He laughed bitterly. "Oh get off the cross Luke. Cause somebody needs the wood." "Fuck you." I couldn't think of anything else at the minute. "And think of some original lines cause that one was always mine." I guess I didn't realize that I'd screamed until the entire room came to a halt. It was one of those incredibly awkward moments when silence just permeated throughout and no one knew what to do. "I don't understand why you hate me so much." He spat that out. The way he said it, I think even he knew the statement was absolutely preposterous. I guess he just didn't know what else to say. "You don't understand?" I looked at Emma who looked more shocked than me. "He doesn't understand." I looked back at him standing there smug as could be, trying to make the room feel sorry for him. "Maybe I can enlighten you a bit William. The reason why I dislike you, yes dislike. As much as I want to hate you, you selfish prick I can't. The reason why I can't look at you. Why I can't talk to you..." I was beginning to cry and I didn't want anyone to see me like that. I turned to walk away again. "That's right. Walk away. Like you always do. Lukie's scared everybody will see him cry. Let's all feel bad for him." I stopped dead in my tracks and turned around. He wanted to goad me. Well enough was enough. I looked him straight in the eye. I talked "I'm not the one who walked away. I'm not the one who professed love. The one who said we'd be together always. The one who said he'd never leave me. I didn't do any of those things. That... that was you." I walked up to him close enough so that our faces were nearly touching. "You..." I could feel the tears falling down my cheeks, "...broke my heart. I'm not going to let you walk all over it." And feeling hurt, but proud of myself for the first time in a long while, I walked away.I lay there on my bed for a long time thinking about what exactly had happened. Linda Ronstadt was blasting in the background. She was singing how "it's so easy to fall in love." Don't I know it honey.
I heard the door open and I felt the weight shift on my bed.
"What in the flying fuck are you listening to?"
I looked up at Emma and smiled. "It's my get in a good mood music."
She laughed. "Ah. So you think listening to music will put you in a better mood."
I shrugged. "Maybe. Who the fuck knows?"
She laid down next to me and I instinctively wrapped my arms around her. "I'm proud of you." She said softly.
I smiled. "Thanks. Though I'm still not sure what happened. What the fuck was that little scene he pulled down there?"
She shook her head. "Who knows with him. He was just trying to get you to take the bait."
"Which I did." I said regretting that I'd given into his taunts.
She turned around and faced me. "No you didn't." I glared at her. "Okay maybe you did. But let's face it babe. You so won that fight."
I laughed. "I'm just glad that it's over. I have to see him for the wedding and then that's it."
We were silent for a few minutes until she broke it. "He had quite the cutie with him didn't he?"
I knew this would come up. "He was alright."
She punched my shoulder. "Yeah okay. He was gorgeous. And..." She sat up and started laughing "...He was so checking you out."
I laughed out loud. "Are you out of your mind Emma?"
She smiled smugly. "I'm just telling you what I saw."
"Whatever." I got up and made my way to my closet. I shucked my shirt and started undoing my belt buckle. I turned around. "You wanna crash here tonight?" I turned around and she was already out like a light. I stripped down to my boxers and climbed into bed covering both of us with my blanket. I kissed her forehead.
"Night Lukie." She mumbled sleepily.
I smiled. "Night."
But I could not for the life of me sleep at all that night. I just lay there wondering what the fuck had happened at the party. He hadn't cared before. Why all of a sudden? And more importantly why the fuck did I care so much?
I groaned when I looked at my clock and it read six. No use in trying to sleep now. I needed to do something. I eased my way out of bed and grabbed my guitar, closing the door quietly behind me.
Passing the living room, I could tell that no one really made an effort to clean up at all last night after the party. I groaned. I'd do it later. I went through the kitchen and opened the sliding doors that led onto the small back patio we had. Sitting on my favorite chair I crossed my legs and propped my guitar. Strumming a few chords, I thought of an old song. Now I don't have a really great voice or anything but it's passable. And there wasn't anyone there anyway. So I just strummed along and started to sing.
I try hard to forget you, And the love that we once shared, But my mind won't let forgetfulness come in, There's no use in pretending, The hurt is just beginning, Just when I think it's ending, You're on my mind again,
On my mind again, Just like you've always been, On my mind with memories I'm rememberin', On my mind again, Just like you've always been, Yes I find I've got you on my mind again,
Sometimes I go to places, Where certain things erases, All traces of your memory now and then, Oh then something will remind me, Of the love I left behind me, Then again your memory finds me, And your on my mind again,
On my mind again, Just like you've always been, On my mind with memories I'm rememberin', On my mind again, Just like you've always been, Yes I find I've got you on my mind again, Yes I find I've got you on my mind again, On my mind again.
I finished the song and sat there thinking about things. So many different things. Singing usually cleaned me out. Made me feel a little better. Somehow that wasn't the case this time. I sighed and made my way back into the kitchen for some breakfast. I was rifling through the cabinet when I felt a hand on my shoulder.
"How much did I drink last night?"
I laughed but apparently my brother didn't think it was funny.
"Before you shower or anything, let's have some coffee. You start it. I gotta puke my brains out." And with that, he shuffled towards the bathroom and closed the door.
I rolled my eyes and kept browsing the cabinet for the sweetest cereal I could find. I finally settled on my hidden stash of Boo Berry and was happily munching on it by the time my brother made it back to the kitchen.
He poured himself a cup of coffee and leaned against the counter. "You have fun last night?"
I thanked the gods above that his alcoholic haze had prevented him from remembering my little "All My Children" moment.
I nodded. "It was nice. Everybody seemed to have a great time. Specially you."
He smiled sheepishly. "I did. Well at least from what I can remember of it." He put his head down and then looked back up. "I didn't embarrass myself last night right?"
I laughed. "No. You had a good time. You were goofy, sometimes a little annoying. But ya didn't embarrass yourself or anyone else." Alright so maybe I was lying a bit. He deserved at least a little compassion.
He laughed. "Why do I not believe you." He looked at me seriously. "Will came."
Shit! Maybe he did know. I got up to put my bowl in the sink. "I invited him." I said matter of factly.
My brother came up behind me and put his strong hands on my shoulders. "Pretty noble of ya."
I sighed. "I didn't want to ruin it for you and Meg. He is her..."
"...brother. I know that. But he's still a douchebag." Pete interrupted me. He turned me around to face him. "I don't want to see you sad anymore." I looked at my feet but he pushed my chin up with his finger. "Okay?"
I smiled. "Yeah."
He pulled me into a hug. We're a hugging kind of family. And we're not even Italian.
He pulled back and looked at me. "I love you you know." I smiled. "Thank you for everything you've done." He smiled. "I was gonna save it as a surprise but if I wait too long, you're gonna get jealous that I might have asked someone else."
I looked at him confused. "What?"
"I want you to be my best man at the wedding."
I smiled. "Really?"
"Yeah." He started to tear up which was definitely a rare occurrence for my brother. "Lukie. You're my brother, my only family." He wiped his face. "Who else would I pick?"
Now it was my turn to cry... and hug. I threw my arms around him again. "Wow." Then I smiled. "So that means I throw the bachelor party?"
Pete laughed and pulled me into a headlock. "Yeah and if I hear anything about coq au vin or chocolate souffles, your invitation to the wedding will be rescinded."
I busted out laughing. "Don't worry. The tits, beer and chicken wings will be a plenty."
He laughed and let me go. "That's my boy." He turned around and I quickly smacked his ass causing him to jump.
"Now go shower. You reek." For that I got the middle finger.
"So I heard Willie pulled his usual shit the other night?" I was sitting in my first class of the day. Constitutional Law. What a way to start the day. I was in a foul mood already and I really didn't want to talk what had happened two nights before. I shrugged. "Yeah. It was no big deal." My friend Lee looked at me. "He's an asshole." "I know that." I guess I was a bit nastier than I wanted. "Sorry." He said apologetically. "I didn't mean to pry." I turned towards him and smiled. "Don't worry about it." I sighed. "In a nutshell. He antagonized me. Tried to goad me into a fight. I took the bait. Cried. And left the room." I smiled. "That was really it." He put his hand on my shoulder. "Well I'm sure you were fabulous." He whistled. "Speaking of fabulous." He said gesturing towards the front of the room. "Who is that gorgeous piece of man there?" I glanced towards the front. Standing there, still sporting his effortless look, was Alan. God he looked wonderful. Wearing a pair of snug jeans that hugged just the right places and a white polo, he looked good enough to... Wait a minute. What am I saying? He's your ex-boyfriend's new boyfriend. He is so totally off limits, it's not even funny. "He's a cutie." This from Lee. A male whore if there ever was one. "He's also taken." I said. He turned his head to look at me. "How do you know?" "Trust me. I just know." And I did. And with that, the professor stormed in and began class. But I just couldn't concentrate much. For a few reasons. Usually, this was one of my favorites. In fact, I was good in most of my classes. I was here on a full academic scholarship and I worked my butt off to keep my grades up. I knew my brother didn't have the money to pay the tuition and going to Ole Miss was something I'd wanted to do since I was little and heard my father talking about it. He used to tell me that he couldn't wait to see me argue a case before the Supreme Court and show those justices what a real lawyer looked like. God I missed him. "Hey." I felt a tap on my shoulder and realized that while I'd been daydreaming, the class had ended and I was sitting there staring into space like a moron. "Hey, hey. He's coming up to you." It was Lee. "Who?" "The cutie." He whispered to me as Alan made his way towards me smiling. God, he just looked... Stop! He stopped in front of me and smiled. "I come in peace." I didn't want to but I laughed. I got up from my seat and packed my books. "Don't worry. I won't unleash my wrath on you too." He smiled genuinely. And then his face became serious. "I just wanted to tell you how sorry I was for the other night." He scratched his belly through the fabric of his shirt and the hem rode up revealing a pair of black underwear. I could feel my cock begin to harden. I shrugged as I slung my bag over my shoulder. "No worries. You didn't do anything." I started to walk away but he followed me and fell in step. "I didn't even know that you were in this class." Why was I talking to him. He nodded his head. "I wasn't. I had Burke but she hates me and we had an unfortunate argument. I got switched to this class. Thank God." I understood. Professor Burke had a reputation for being homophobic. I'd never had her though. And I wouldn't anymore as she only taught underclassmen and I was now a junior. I looked at him. "How old are you?" He smiled. God I loved his smile. "I'm a year ahead." I nodded my head. "So you're only 19?" "Yep." I laughed bitterly. "So Will got himself a baby?" And suddenly I realized what I said. "Damn that was mean... I'm sorry." "It's..." He began to speak. "No it's not okay. I'm sorry. You aren't him. Just because you date him doesn't make you a bad guy." I shook my head. "Hell I can't blame you for being attracted to him." I stuck my hand out. "Truce?" He smiled. "Truce." He ran his fingers through his hair and looked down at his feet. "I don't have another class for an hour. Wanna grab some breakfast or something." Not a good idea Lukie. Not a good idea. I shook my head no. "Sorry Alan. But I gotta do a ton of research for my term paper." I could see his shoulders sink. "But maybe some other time." He shrugged. "Sure." He turned to go and then turned around quickly. "See you Thursday." He smiled quickly and left. Not good Luke. Not good at all.Well that's it for Chapter One. I hope you like it. As always, any comments, suggestions, etc. can be sent to Grassisb@aol.com.