Travelin Thru

As always, if you're not supposed to be here, please leave. In other words, if men kissing, fucking, or doing anything remotely sexual offends, disgusts, or angers you then you should get out of here. This story includes sex between two men. But it is at heart, a love story. Plenty of sap, romance, and professions of love. So be warned. This work is copyrighted and may not be used without explicit permission from the author.

Thank you to everyone has sent notes and comments. They are greatly appreciated. Keep em' coming.

Comments, suggestions, complaints are all much appreciated and welcomed at grassisb@aol.com.

"Down" - Dolly Parton

Enjoy, Anthony

From last time...

"Why can't you just give me a chance?"

I laughed bitterly. "I can't Alan. I... I just can't." I started to walk away and then turned around to face him. "You're my ex-boyfriend's new boyfriend, trick, bootie call. Whatever. I can't be your friend. I'm sorry but I can't."

"Why?" He asked again. This time with tears in his eyes. "Why?" This time a bit quieter.

I debated on whether or not I should tell him the truth. But I had to. I was too emotionally drained to try and lie now. I looked at him and told him exactly why we couldn't be friends.

"Because I'm falling in love with you."

My voicemail was buzzing with activity.

Message one... "Lukie, it's Em. Call me back."

Message two... "Luke it's Alan. Please call me."

Message three... "It's Pete. Call me as soon as you get this. Be safe."

Message four... "It's Emma again, Lukie. Call me, please."

I pressed the end button on my phone and clicked it shut. There were still three messages left. But I knew who they were from. And what they were about.

"Fuck!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

How do I get myself into this shit. Why me? That's all I'd like to know. I know I can be a drama queen at times but it's just...

"Fuck!" I screamed again, this time louder as I slumped down on the ground hitting my head in the process. I must have blanked out because the next thing I knew, a guy was standing over me.

"Easy there buddy. You alright."

"I'm... I'm..." I stammered wondering where he came from.

He smiled. "Relax." He placed his hand on my shoulder. "Jesus. You're shaking. You okay?"He asked genuinely concerned.

I nodded. "I'm fine. I just..." I just what? What the fuck had just happened? I saw a stupid movie, reacted horribly, and told a guy I barely knew I was falling in love with him. I was the picture of mental insanity.

"I'm Hank." He said smiling.

I nodded. "Luke." I said still a little surprised someone had witnessed my prissy queen act. "I'm... I'm Luke." I added even though it was pointless.

He laughed. "I kinda figured that." He sat down next to me.

"Bad day?" He asked. His voice was warm. Normally I'm a shy person who doesn't talk to strangers easily but for some reason it seemed easy to talk to him.

I sighed. "Kinda."

"Kinda?" He asked skeptically.

I just began to talk, not really thinking about what I was saying.

"I'm in love with my ex-boyfriend's..." I stopped, not knowing exactly what Alan was to Will.

He nodded. "Your ex-boyfriend's what?"

"...boyfriend. I'm not sure why. I don't even think it makes sense but I'm hopelessly, madly in love with him." I stopped to get my breath. "And then I saw "Brokeback Mountain" tonight and he was there and I just lost it." I lowered my voice to a whisper. "I love him but I don't know what to do about it. I don't... I can't love him."

I had finished my little sob story and sat there in the middle of nowhere, next to a complete stranger wondering just what I was doing.

"It was a good movie." He stated flatly.

"What?" I asked confusedly.

He smiled and punched my arm. "Brokeback. It was a good movie." He fished a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and took one out. "You want?" He asked but I didn't. He lit it and soon gray puffs of smoke were being exhaled from his mouth. He looked like he was pondering something. "What part affected you like it did?" He asked suddenly.

I shrugged a little embarrassed. "Not really sure."

"Bullshit. If you reacted the way you did. Some part had to trigger it. The end?" He asked.

"I didn't stay for the end. It was just some stupid part when Jack tells Ennis..."

"... It could be like this... just like this, always." He said interrupting me.

Alright. So this guy really began to scare me now. He must have sensed it because he laughed.

"Relax. It was either that or that "I wish I knew how to quit you" line and you don't seem to be a cliched kind of guy. I figured you'd go for the other line." He took a long drag from the cigarette and blew the smoke out dramatically, slowly. "So you love him?" He asked matter of factly.

I was confused. I was tired. I was hungry. And I was so not in the mood to be talking to this guy right now. "Yeah." I said and then, "...no. I don't know. It doesn't matter anyway. Nothing can come of it."

"Why? Does he have feelings for you?" He asked me.

"I... I don't know..." I was getting annoyed now. Where did this guy come off? "...I gotta go." I said and started to get up but he stopped me.

"You need somebody to talk to. If you trust me, I'd be happy to listen." He said gently. "You think you're a big old drama queen right? Think you're overreacting?" He looked me in the eyes. "You aren't." He smiled. "Young love. It's wonderful when it's going right but when it doesn't watch the fuck out." He laughed and much to my surprise I did too.

He stood up. "I wanna introduce you to someone." He smiled. "That is if you trust me. Do you?"

I did. As strange as it sounded. As weird as it might have appeared, I did trust him. He kinda reminded me of my father a little bit. He was probably in his late 30's. He was a big guy. Big shoulders and big hands.

He held his hand out. "Come on then."

"Hank and I met in the ninth grade." Simon started as we sat in the den with coffee. Hank was cuddled to his side while I sat in the recliner.

"He was adorable." He chimed in.

Simon smiled. "Of course I was." He pecked Hank's cheek.

I smiled. I'd never been around this freeness between two men before. In Mississippi, you don't exactly see many homosexual exchanges on the streets. Of course we're here. There are many. And there are gay clubs and gay bars and gay groups and all of that. But you never see the hand holding or the intimate things like you would in more progressive states.

Will was never like that. At the movies or out to dinner. He never acted as though I was his boyfriend. He was sweet and kind but if people ever looked at us, they'd just assume that we were simply friends out. We went to a gay bar once but it was disgusting and filthy, the bar that is, and we left after twenty minutes. Mostly we just stayed at my house and watched movies and did... well... other things.

"You okay there Luke?" Simon asked, breaking me from my reverie.

I jumped a little. "Oh... yeah... I'm... I was just thinking... You guys just seem so..." I smiled again. "... good together."

Simon smiled. "Well now... we do now."

I looked at him confused.

"I had a crush on Hank from the minute I laid eyes on him." He began. "I knew I was gay in the eighth grade when Marcie Walsh tried to kiss me and I threw up." He laughed. "I kid you not. Anyway, I went to high school thinking I'd meet the man of my dreams and we'd live happily ever after." He winked at me. "I was and will always be a hopeless romantic."

"Not a bad thing." Hank interrupted.

"Of course not." Simon continued. "But as you can see, I'm a bit more feminine than butch old Hank here." He smiled. "I was never ashamed of it though. If I didn't have a shirt to match my yellow bellbottoms than I just borrowed one of my sisters. Unfortunately, macho man over here didn't think the same way. He's lucky if he can match his shoes." He smiled sadly. "High school was no picnic. I was beat up, taunted and then beat up some more." He looked up at Hank and then at me. "He did most of the beating." He sighed. "I was absolutely miserable. I was in love with a guy who loathed me and enjoyed beating the crap out of me. My parents weren't any help. They were too busy with their parties and all that shit. My sister was really the only person I could reach out too." He smiled. "After this big lug, she's still my best friend."

I smiled, intrigued with their story.

Simon smiled. "So anyway, this went on for awhile. Freshmen and sophomore year, I was taunted by Hank and his friends constantly. For my hair, my clothes, my demeanor. Anything and everything. I took it like a good dutiful fag. I never let them see me cry though. In my eyes, somehow, that meant they never had the upper hand. They never saw how much they hurt me." His eyes began to get moist and I know mine did too. He laughed. "And then, Hank... he... he did the cruelest thing he'd ever do to me."

Hank grabbed his hand and interlaced their fingers together. I could tell he was a bit uncomfortable. He kissed Simon's forehead and it looked like he was trying very hard to fight back tears.

Simon looked up at him and smiled. "It's okay." He said softly.

Suddenly, I felt a little intrusive. I didn't know these guys and suddenly they were telling me their history, all this private stuff. Simon must have noticed my apprehension.

"It's okay Luke." He looked at Hank again. "It's okay." He smiled. "It was the cruelest thing he'd ever do to me. But it was also the best thing that ever happened to us as lovers, as..." He smiled. "...partners." He stopped for a second and pondered. "It was a cold day. One of those days when you don't even want to get out of bed. You know. You wake up and the heat is on and your wrapped up in your blankets and you're just..." He shook his head back and forth animatedly. "... cozey. I remember not wanting to get up, get dressed, do anything. But then I remembered that I had a meeting with my guidance counselor that day." He smiled. "Yet another way of fate intervening. School went fine that day. Nothing out of the ordinary. I remember Susan Egan told me that she loved the way my hair come out." He brushed his fingers through his hair. "Always did love that girl."

Hank smiled and kissed him again on the cheek.

Simon continued. "It was last period and I didn't have class so I figured I'd clean out my locker. I wanted to get rid of some stuff." He stopped for a second. He seemed to be thinking, almost like he was reliving the moment. He sighed. "One of Hank's friends, Bruce, came running into the locker room. I figured he was just there to harass me but that day, he didn't even seem to notice I was there. And that was odd because Bruce never missed a chance to taunt me. But that day, he was different, he was distant, worried about something. I asked him and he shrugged me off saying to go see for myself in the boy's bathroom." He shrugged. "Being the naive fag who still believes that there'll be peace on earth, I went thinking that whatever was wrong, I could help with. What I found was Hank laying on the ground, unconscious. From what I didn't know. My heart stopped. Here was this guy who I was secretly in love with. This guy who hated me and taunted me and beat the shit out of me. And he was just laying there." He laughed bitterly. "If I was smart, I would have guessed that it was a set-up but I guess I wasn't." He stopped and stared into space, tears now streaming down his face.

Hank was crying too. But he finished the story. "I raped him." He said with no emotion whatsoever.

I flinched not exactly expecting that bluntness. I didn't know what to think. For some reason, again, I felt like I was intruding. Like I shouldn't have been there.

But Hank just pulled Simon closer to him and continued. "I didn't want to do it. I knew how he looked at me. I knew what he felt. Deep down, I felt the same thing. But I couldn't, wouldn't let those feelings come out. It's the same tired old story. Big macho guy with an even bigger, macho father. I couldn't be gay. Wouldn't let myself be gay."

Simon smiled through his tears. "You are so gay." He said laughing. He looked over at me. "You alright?"

I smiled nervously. "Um... yeah... but..." I was beginning to wonder what the purpose of this story was.

He laughed. "Relax sugar. It gets happier." His smile faded. "They put me away. My parents that is. Well they didn't put me away. I tried to kill myself. And they put in this mental hospital. My sister came everyday. Susan Egan came. But no one else did. I didn't talk, wouldn't talk. Wouldn't eat. I just sat there everyday wondering why he did it." He smiled again. "Then one day, I was sitting in my room and there was a soft knock on the door." He sighed. "I almost vomited. I thought he was back to... well back to taunt me. But all of a sudden I heard this voice, this scared voice. He said, "I'm gay." And then he just started sobbing, uncontrollable sobs. I was livid. Why should I feel sorry for him. This monster." He shook his head. "He stopped crying and looked up at me. And then he said the words I wished, I hoped, I prayed that he'd say since the day I laid eyes on him."

"I love you." Hank said quietly.

Simon smiled. "Yeah." He shook his head and said very matter of factly, "And then I punched him. It was the first punch I'd ever thrown. Wasn't a good one either. I told him to get out and never come back." He shrugged. "But he did. Everyday for the next two months. He'd sit there. I'd ignore him. Scream at him. Tell him I hated him. But he stayed." He wiped his eyes and stretched. "Sweet Jesus, that was a long story. Sorry bout that."

I smiled. "Don't be. I... thank you for sharing it with me. I... I don't know what it has to do with me but..."

"You need to let it go." Simon interrupted me.

"What?" I asked confused.

"He doesn't love you." He said with a sad smile.

"Who doesn't love me?" I demanded, getting annoyed. "Alan does love me and I love... well he loves me."

Simon just sat back and smiled. A smile of victory. "See. I wasn't talking about Alan. I was talking about whoever the guy was before him."

My cheeks must have turned seven shades of red. "Will." I said sheepishly.

Simon turned to Hank. "Wanna get me a cup of coffee babe?"

Hank took the hint. "Sure." And he made his way to the kitchen.

Simon looked at me. "He cheated?"

I nodded sadly.

"You might not think that what I told ya tonight has anything to do with your situation." He began. "And you might think me and Hank are just two nuts who invited some stranger into their home. I guess I'd be thinking the same thing if I were in your position." He leaned forward and looked me directly in the eyes. "But my Hank is an excellent judge of character. He obviously saw something there in that head of yours. You need to forgive and let yourself be happy. It took Hank ages to stop being so hard on himself for what he did. To this day, I still don't think he has. And you... you didn't even do anything." He stood up. "But you blame yourself for being a doormat." He smiled. "We have that in common Luke. For years, I let people walk all over me and wouldn't let myself be... happy, be... free. Guess what? People don't care about anyone but themselves in this world. Hank and my situation was different than yours. I'll give you that. But it all comes down to forgiveness. Forgiveness for anything. Whether it be rape, murder, cheating. Anything. You need to forgive. Will, yourself. And finally, get on with your life. It's the only way." He shook his head back and forth. "Okay. Enough preaching. So this Alan... he sounds like a real catch."

I smiled. Alan. Oh God Alan. "He's... sweet and kind and so handsome. He's just a nice guy."

"And you love him?" He asked. He was nothing if not blunt.

I looked up at him. "Yeah. I do."

He smiled. "Good. You know what to do then."

And with that he walked out of the room.

I sat back and sighed. What the fuck was this? What happened tonight? I met a total stranger... two total strangers. And they shared such personal information with me about them, about their past. I had all this information, all this advice thrown at me. And what the fuck do I do with it.

I looked around the room. Next to the desk was a beautiful guitar. Much nicer than the ratty old one I did. I walked over and fingered the shiny wood.

"You play?" Hank asked me as he appeared in the doorway.

I shrugged. "Nothing to brag about. Just a few chords here and there. Enough to entertain myself."

"Sing something then." Came Simon's voice from behind Hank.

I laughed. "I'm not drunk enough to sing in front of people I don't know."

Simon pouted. "Oh come on. You know our life story. You gotta sing for us. You just gotta. Plus, if your really good, you might get something out of it. Come on. Do it, do it, do it." He wailed, trying to act butch but not succeeding at all.

"Alright." I finally gave in. "But don't say I didn't warn ya."

I picked the guitar up. I didn't even have to think about what I was gonna sing. The song pretty much described my mood and the whole night's mood for that matter. I closed my eyes and started strumming lightly.

I spent all my money on everyone else, I just kept handing it out right and left, They didn't appreciate none of my help, I have found, And I had me a man, I was so much in love, But he just walked off after using me up, I cried like a baby, It hurt me so much and I'm down, Yeah, I'm sure down, I know that I'm down but I'm gonna get up, I just need some time, Just need a little streak of good luck, And you know that it's rough when your bitting the dust like I am, You try to do right but tell me where does that get you, People just use you and then they forget you, But it wont take me long, To get my feet back on solid ground, When I get my life back in order again, Well I'll still be willing to help out my friends, And if you need some body on which to depend, Look and I'll be around, I'll be spending my money on everyone else, Well I'll just be handing it out right and left, I'll find a new love, I won't live by myself, I'm just down for now, For now I'm down.

I strummed a bit more and then stopped. I smiled and opened my eyes to find both Hank and Simon smiling back at me.

"How in the flying fuck did you turn that song into that?" Hank asked in amazement.

"You know that song?" I asked surprised.

He looked over at Simon. "My hubby is just about the biggest Dolly fan ever." He shook his head. "I can't believe you turned that into an acoustic song. Your voice, your playing. It was brilliant."

I blushed. "Well thanks. I just mess around now and then."

"Bullshit. You could make a living doing this stuff."

I laughed. "Let's not go that far."

He looked at me in all seriousness. "You want a job."

"What?" I asked a bit stunned.

"I need someone to do some shows at the club. You'd be perfect." He said.

"What... what club?" I asked still out of the loop.

Simon stepped in. "Twilight... We kinda own it." He said smiling.

"And you want me to..."

"... Sing." He interrupted me. "They would love you there."

This was a bit more than I could take in one day. "I... I don't know. Maybe. I guess I could. I'd need to come up with some material... I just... wow!"

Hank walked over and placed his hand on my shoulders. "Hey. No decision needs to be made today. You've had a rough one. But..." He said looking me in the eye. "... I could really use you at the club. Pays two hundred and fifty a night plus tips."

My eyes must have bugged out of my head.

Hank laughed. "Think about it. Okay."

I smiled, not willing to believe what incredibly good luck I seemed to have stumbled upon tonight.

"Okay." I told him.

"Good." He clapped his hands together. "Now let's go. I'm gonna drive you home."

I shook my head. "It's alright... I can walk."

He laughed. "It's late. We kidnaped ya long enough tonight. I'm gonna go get my coat." He said leaving the room.

Simon stood there and smiled at me. "Your welcome here anytime ya like. I mean that."

I got a little choked up. "Thanks."

He pulled me into a hug. "Go get him." He whispered in my ear.

Alright. I know that this chapter seems a bit bizarre. I rewrote it about ten times until I stumbled upon this idea. It allowed me to introduce two new characters, segue into the Luke/Alan story, and showcase more Dolly songs. :) So let me know what you guys think.

And don't forget to watch the Oscars Sunday. Dolly's performing "Travelin' Thru." Listen to the words. You'll hear them in this story at some point. The song is awesome, one of her best. Keep your fingers crossed that she wins.

One more thing, if any of my tech savvy readers out there know how I can make these stories html, I'd be much appreciative if you'd e-mail me with some pointers. The song lyrics come out all jumbled whenever it's in plain text.

Anyway, thanks again to all my faithful readers. Hope to hear from everyone. The next chapter is in the works and won't be nearly as long.