Organization: Clark Internet Services, Inc., Ellicott City, MD USA
Recently, while going through some old 5.25" diskettes looking for any Wordstar files worth salvaging for posterity, I came across a file containing journal entries which detailed my first few gay experiences. It actually began in the summer of 1990, between my freshman and sophomore year of college, when I wrote a long and eclectic list of "things I'd like to do while I'm here." Most of the items were completely innocuous (such as "Learn to speak Russian more fluently" and "Get involved with a University publication."), but the last one expressed my unfulfilled fantasy to experiment sexually with another guy.
Months later, when this particular fantasy began to come true, I decided to make a record of my experiences. I don't remember why; it's not like I was a compulsive diarist. But I managed to put several of my encounters in written form, and now I'm very glad that I took the trouble.
I am posting the whole file here exactly as I wrote it over 4 years ago; the only alterations were reformatting it for posting and correcting a few typos. Since it was intended for my own reading, the style tends to be a little introspective and digressive at times; also, I didn't observe the conventions and cliches of stroke material, such as "his huge stallion-like cock erupted with a geyser of hot jizz." If I thought the guy's dick was a little on the small side, I said so. It may not make for hot fantasies, but it's entirely authentic.
Let me know what you think...
July 1990: I wish I could suck a guy's dick. Ideally, one of my five apartment mates next year would be gay, or at least bisexual, and sometime during the year the opportunity would present itself. The thought of having another man's erect penis in my mouth is tremendously exciting, as is the possibility of tasting and swallowing his semen. I imagine that it would be very hot, and unlike anything I had ever experienced. This fantasy is so arousing that it seems inconceivable that I should never attempt to act on it. Maybe I wouldn't enjoy it so much once I tried it, but I am determined to satisfy my curiosity before I die.
January 23, 1991: When I typed this wish several months ago, I had no reason to believe that it would come true at any time in the forseeable future. But now I suddenly face the possibility of getting what I wished for. On January 17, I wrote a message in a stall in the 3rd floor men's room of Cabell Hall: 1/17/91 2ND YEAR STUDENT, INEXPER. BUT CURIOUS, SEEKS YOUNG, DISCREET STUDENT WITH HOT COCK. LEAVE MESSAGE. I checked back on Monday morning, and saw this somewhat cryptic message: 1/18/91 MEET HERE 11:00 PM. 25 5'11" BR/GR STUDENT. HAVE MY OWN PLACE. RESPOND.
So I left another message: 1/21/91 IT'S ME AGAIN. I AM INTERESTED. LEAVE TIME AND DATE FOR MEETING.
And the next day, I found this response: GREAT! 1/23/91 10:00 PM HERE. RESPOND IF INTERESTED. I wrote back: YES, I'LL BE HERE.
And so, at 10 PM tonight, a few hours from now, I'll go into that bathroom and see what develops. I have been experiencing mixed emotions of arousal and anxiety; on the one hand, if things work out well I'll be fulfilling a fantasy I've had for years-- on the other hand, I am nervous about meeting a stranger in a public restroom. What if he is, shall we say, neurotic? Or, more likely, what if he isn't after the same thing I am, namely some mutual pleasure: maybe he'll insist that I suck his cock but refuse to even touch mine, or worse, the other way around. Then again, what if someone else has seen our written exchanges and shows up also? Finally, what if he isn't interested once he sees me? After all, it seems I am six years younger. To be rejected wouldn't be too crushing, since I have no serious emotional involvement, but it would be very disappointing. Still, these are the risks I have to take if I am to have any chance of fulfilling this particular sexual fantasy. After all, if we do get together and go through with it, and if he is considerate of my inexperience, and if he is enthusiastically horny, then this could be one of the most exciting experiences of my life.
Whatever happens, I'll write about the evening sometime after I return home; and if things work out for the best, if I really experience ecstasy tonight, I'll describe the experience in full detail, so that I'll have a permanant record of it (and some hot reading for the next time I jack off.)
January 25, 1991
Well, something did happen after all. I went into the bathroom at the agreed-upon time and sat in the stall. Actually, there were already two people there, one on either side of me. After a moment the guy on my left got up and left the bathroom. Figuring nothing was going to happen, I left also. He was waiting in the hall. After following him to another bathroom, I sat down in a stall adjacent to his, and he passed me a note. We ended up passing notes back and forth, the result being that I eagerly, if a bit nervously, agreed to go with him. We went outside to talk, and decided to drive to his place. On the way there, we talked about various mundanities, without broaching the subject of sex. After arriving at his house, we sat awkwardly on his couch for a few minutes. He said that I should set the pace; I answered that he should feel free to take the lead, as we'd never get anywhere otherwise. He smiled and rubbed my thigh. We stood up and he wrapped his arms around me. For a minute, it was just a gentle hug; then he rubbed his crotch against my leg. I responded in kind, and soon we were rubbing our crotches together with increasing pressure and speed. I had an erection, and he seemed to have one as well. After a few minutes, he suggested we go into his bedroom. Once there, we resumed the hugging and crotch-grinding, and then proceeded to slowly undress, one article of clothing at a time. Eventually, we were both in our underwear. I could see the bulge of his cock through the cloth, and could feel it as we rubbed together. Up to this point he had pretty much been leading, but I was so eager to get at his dick that I took the next step by pulling down his underwear. His penis wasn't as stiffly erect as mine, although it seemed at least two inches longer; I noticed that the head was oddly shaped. We moved onto the bed and lay there, rubbing our cocks together. He started to kiss me. I didn't like that so much-- didn't like the feel of his tongue in my mouth, but I was too excited to really object. He rubbed my cock and balls, and then started to lick them. He didn't take my penis in his mouth, which was exactly what I wanted to do to him, but simply licked the underside of the shaft. I lay there for a few minutes while his tongue did its magic; then he stopped and moved up to kiss me again while we rubbed crotches. Then it was my turn. I didn't want to seem too anxious, so I licked his nipples (which he loved) and moved down his stomach. I got to his penis and started to lick the underside, as he had done, and took his balls in my mouth. By then I couldn't stand it any longer, and, opening wide, I began to suck his dick. I took it in as deeply as I could. My mind reeled a little as I realized I was at last fulfilling what had been a fantasy for years. Actually, it was a little anticlimactic physically; it just tasted like skin, instead of the ambrosia I had been anticipating, but it was thrilling psychologically. Anyway, we went on taking turns, alternating face-to-face crotch rubbing with oral sex. Finally, after many exciting minutes, we ended up in sitting positions facing each other.
We kissed while each of us jerked the other's cock. I felt myself approaching orgasm and let him know it, to see what he would do. When he heard me moaning, he rubbed my dick harder and faster. Suddenly I came. I shot a huge load that spattered on both our chests as well as on the bed. Now that my moment had passed, I could concentrate more fully on him. For some reason, the smell of semen made me a little squeamish about sucking his penis again, even though it was my own come.
Instead, I jerked him off, using my semen as a lubricant. After a minute he gently pushed my hand away and began to jerk himself off.
Watching him masturbate was an unexpected thrill for me. Finally he told me to lie on my back. He straddled me, still masturbating, and then began to rub his cock against my belly. He lay on top of me and licked my ear and kissed me as he pumped his crotch against my stomach with a fucking motion. When I realized he was about to come, I eagerly watched his cock. Part of me was still squeamish from the smell of my own semen and part of me wanted him to shoot his cum all over my body. As it turned out, only a few drops dribbled out of his penis and fell on my stomach-- a little disappointing, but considering all that had happened, I couldn't complain too much. We lay there for a few minutes, with him on top of me, talking about the experience; then we got up and washed off. We got dressed, talked a little more, and then he drove me home.
March 16, 1991:
I didn't see him again after that night, and in fact stayed entirely away from the bathrooms of Cabell for almost two months. But eventually
I succumbed to my fantasies. This time I left a message about a circle jerk, since the thought of watching another man masturbate was still exciting for me. After several days, I still had not gotten an answer, so yesterday night I went to Cabell to see if anyone was around. I really didn't expect to see anyone, and in fact the third floor bathroom, where I had left the message, was deserted. I decided to go home, but as I was walking upstairs to the exit on the third floor, I passed a guy about my age or a little older. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him stop and watch me. I pretended to read a notice on the bulletin board and realized that he was standing silently on the steps, watching and waiting. I realized what he was there for and, walking into the fourth floor bathroom, sat down in one of the stalls. He sat down in an adjacent one and signaled me by waving his hand under the partition. He left the bathroom and I followed. We met outside Cabell to talk; after a few minutes he suggested that we go the the garden behind Pavilion VI. It was past 10 PM, and the gardens were empty; we found a little clearing that was well hidden by the trees. Before long, we both had our cocks out and were jerking each other off. He got a kick out of chewing on my nipples, which he did a little too roughly for my taste. He opened his shirt and asked me to bite his nipples. I did, which he obviously enjoyed. He asked whether he could suck my dick, and of course I gave him permission; after a few minutes I managed to let him give me a turn. He had a nice-looking penis that was stiffly erect and which felt nice in my mouth, but once again the taste wasn't as magnificent as I expected. We continued to take turns sucking each other's cocks, until finally I felt myself approaching orgasm. He was sucking me with a kind of desparate ecstasy; I could tell it would be pointless to try to get him to stop. I told him that I was about to come, and asked whether he wanted me to ejaculate in his mouth. He nodded and moaned in assent, and began to suck even harder. After I came, he held my dick in his mouth and swallowed every last drop of my semen. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter we heard voices, and put on our shirts so that we would be ready to leave quickly if necessary. I chewed on his nipples and rubbed his balls while he jacked off, but he wasn't reaching orgasm and I was getting increasingly nervous, even though the voices had long since passed. Eventually, he must have realized that I simply wasn't in the mood any longer, because he put his still-erect penis back in his pants, invited me to meet him on some other night, and we parted company.
April 24, 1991
Well, a couple days ago I left another message about a circle jerk, instructing any interested parties to be in the 1st floor bathroom at 7 PM on Sunday. I went at the appointed time and found no one, but decided that as long as I was in Cabell, I might as well visit the 4th floor bathroom. When I got there, I saw that there were two guys already in adjacent stalls; shortly after I entered, they stopped whatever they were doing and came out. One of them left the bathroom. The other waited, and after seeing me enter one of the stalls, sat down in the adjacent one. He passed a note asking whether I wanted a blowjob. Someone else came into the bathroom, and after a moment I saw him peering into my stall through the crack by the door. Then this guy wrote me a note saying that he had "7 inches" and asking me to go to the 5th floor bathroom. Then the first guy made another offer. So I sat there for a few minutes with two guys hitting on me, passing notes back and forth to both of them. Under the circumstances, I wasn't sure what else to do. I ended up going with guy #2 to the fifth floor. We sat down in adjacent stalls, and I waited. I heard him pull down his pants, and did the same. I waited. Then he knelt on the floor of the stall so that he could slide partway under the partition, giving me full access to his genitals. I did the same, and we began to jerk each other off. It was a little strange, since I couldn't see his face at all- only the granite wall of the partition. But looking down, I could see his cock, and I liked what I saw. The only problem was that he didn't seem to be able to maintain his erection very well unless I jerked him off very hard and fast. (I, by contrast, was hard as a rock.) Eventually, our legs got tired from kneeling, and he suggested we move into the large handicapped stall. We did, and I got my first look at him. He seemed to be about thirty, and was relatively attractive. We unzipped again and resumed what we had been doing. I suggested that we hug and rub our crotches together, to which he eagerly agreed. I was once again surprised at how incredible this felt, and when he heard my moans a few minutes later, he warned me not to come on him. He was a little worried that we might be interrupted, so he suggested we speed things up by jerking off. We stood facing the toilet so that we could spill our semen into it and then simply masturbated. I came pretty quickly, shooting as much of my load on the toilet seat as into the water. He took a little longer, but I enjoyed watching him jack off as I rubbed his balls. But once again, I was squeamish about touching his semen when he finally came.
April 28, 1991
Oh wow. It feels strange writing this just a half-hour after it happened. Not that anything really SPECTACULAR took place. I went back home this weekend for an appointment with my orthodontist. Last night when everyone was asleep I watched some of the home movies I had made of myself jacking off and got quite worked up. (I also made a mental note to bring the tape down to school with me; although it was well hidden, it seemed rather stupid to leave it at home where someone could find it.) On the bus ride back to Charlottesville today, I spent the whole time fantasizing about cruising Cabell Hall again, and decided to go looking for some cock as soon as I got into town. So, a few hours ago, I once again entered the fourth floor bathroom. I hadn't bothered to leave a note this time, correctly assuming that it really wasn't necessary. I sat down in the end stall, and a moment later someone, who had evidentally been waiting in the hallway, came in and sat down in the stall next to mine. I waited for a signal, but none came. After a minute, though, I realized that he was watching me through a small screw hole in the wall where the toilet paper holder had once been mounted. He said nothing, but simply peered at me. I peered back, in the hope of letting him know that I was interested. After several uncomfortable minutes, he stopped looking. There was silence, but then I caught sight of some movement in his stall. I looked closely through the hole, and saw that he was standing and slowly stroking his cock. He had a great looking specimen, large and stiffly erect. I waved under the partition to signal that I saw. The next thing I knew, he was kneeling on the floor, his erection poking under the partition. I was a little hesitant, for I knew that the 4th floor could be rather busy and I feared someone might walk in. I quickly tore off a sheet of toilet paper and wrote a note suggesting that we go to the more secluded 5th floor men's room. He signaled "OK," and we left, taking different routes to the bathroom. When I got there, I realized that the first and third stalls were occupied. My guy was in the first stall (I recognized his shoes) but the occupant of the 3rd stall was a mystery. I sat down between them and waited. Before long, the guy from the 4th floor was kneeling on the floor, stroking his cock. I eagerly pulled my pants down and kneeled facing his stall, so that he would have access to my penis. Then the 3rd party in stall
3 knelt on the floor and began to rub my ass, which was all he could reach. I reached back and started rubbing his dick with one hand while jerking off the 1st guy with the other; he in turn jerked me off. This arrangement was fine by me, but after a moment the first guy signalled to me that we should ditch the 3rd partycrasher and head down to the basement. I agreed. When I got down there, however, I discovered that the uninvited guest had beaten me down there. Once again, I took the stall between them. This time, the first guy simply sent me a note saying that I had a great cock and he wanted to keep going, but that we should get rid of the other guy first. He left, and, following his instructions, I waited. I could hear the mystery man breathing, but he made no advances. After a few minutes, I left. I hid under the stairs and waited until the other guy's footsteps faded, then I proceeded to go over the the 2nd floor men's room in Wilson Hall by a circuitous route. It worked. When I got there, I saw the shoes of the first guy and realized he was alone. I got into the stall next to him and we got down to business. First we knelt and jerked each other off, then I slid farther under the partition, at his request, so that he could suck my dick. He shifted position so that he could look up at me under the partition as he gave me the blowjob. He asked me to take off my shirt so that he could see my chest, and I obliged. He continued to suck me; unfortunately, in the position his was in I couldn't reach his cock to jerk him off, but I figured I'd get my turn. He stopped suddenly and stood up; I sat on the toilet and wondered what had happened. I realized that someone else had come into
the bathroom. I froze, not breathing, and waited. The first guy left the bathroom, and then I noticed realized who the newcomer was the partycrasher from the 5th floor. He looked at me over the door, and then pulled out his cock. I relaxed and decided to give this guy a chance, since the other one had left without telling me where to find him. I stared at him very deliberately through the crack in the dooe and began to stroke my cock, which brought my erection back pretty quickly. He asked whether he could suck on my nipples. I let him into the stall, he took off his shirt, and we began. He was older looking- maybe late 30's or 40-- and had a beard and glasses. His cock wasn't too bad, though, and, like me, he was pretty horny. We jacked each other off, and he sucked my cock while I licked his chest. I tried to rub my dick against his, but he was rather tall and I couldn't really reach. He sat down on the toilet and continued to give me a blowjob while I stroked his penis. Before long, I told him that I was about to come. He took his mouth away, sat back, and said, "shoot it on me." I gave my dick a few pumps and shot an enormous wad of cum on his chest. This seemed to excite him and he began to jack off, using my semen as a lubricant, while I rubbed his nipples and his balls. In a moment he came too. There wasn't much of it, but this time I was still too excited to be squeamish, and I rubbed my hand over his semen. He was pretty messy, needless to say, so I pulled up my pants and then left the stall to get him some paper towels before we parted company.
[Note: The above entry was the last time I bothered to record my adventures in the world of anonymous sex; it was not, however, my final visit to the men's room in Cabell Hall.]
-- Robert McGee | Most people looked at him with terror and fear, rmcgee@clark.net | But to Moscow chicks he was such a lovely dear.
| Rah, Rah, Ras-pu-tin,
| Russia's greatest love machine...