This is a continuaton of a fictional account of my mission experiences in France and Belgium during the early 1970s. Though many of the circumstances, people and events are real, it is still fictionalized so I could make it like I would have liked it to be.
Gary ------------------------- Part XIX - Waiting
I love to walk. Ever since my mission, I've taken time most days to walk in the open air. It reconnects me with my world and gets me away from things both metallic and synthetic. The walk from the train station back to Seraing was one of the strangest I've ever been on. At times, I felt like throwing myself into the waters of the Meuse. Then I would feel I could fly to Seraing if I stretched out my arms. I was traumatized by the departure of my true companion. But in 14 months, I would be reunited with him and the two of us would have a lifetime of companionship before us. The question remained - how to make it through the next 14 months. And, more immediately, who was going to be my new companion. I had nearly reached my one year mark. I might be made a senior companion and receive a new greenie just fresh from over the pond. Or I might be a junior again with some slob of a senior like the first two I had. I understood the Zone Leader would bring my new companion to me in the late afternoon. So, I had six or seven hours of waiting.
The 15 kilometers to Seraing were made up of paths along the river and roadside sidewalks. It was slightly uphill as the Meuse flowed from west to east at that point on its way to the Rhine. I could see the stacks of the steel mill in Seraing in the distance. To my left were the ateliers of Val St. Lambert crystal factory. The Zone once went there on P Day for a tour. I ran into several men fishing along the paths next to the river. At one point, I laid down on the grass next to the path and looked at the clouds. Elder M. must be at the Midi station in Brussels by now. Soon he'll be flying in those clouds. I thought about him on the train then on the long flight. He'd be sitting there in that blue suit he bought at the cheap suit place in Brussels where the missionaries always replaced their American suits once they wore out. He'd be wearing the wide red tie. It made his hair look redder. Sometimes people thought he was Irish. Right. Some hick from New Mexico! But I loved that hick.
I dreamed of being there with him and holding his hand. I imagined sitting next to him with a blanket over us and the two of us groping each other's crotch. I wanted him so bad. My cock got hard thinking about my man. I wanted to jerk off right there on the path. If only I could be with Elder M. If only I could hold him one more time in my arms and feel his naked skin on my naked skin, feel his thick cock fill my mouth, feel his hairy chest against my hairy chest. Oh God, I'll go nuts thinking like this! I began rubbing my cock by sticking my hand down my suit pants. No one was coming. I just wanted to feel good again. That's right, Elder, just a little to the left...yeah, rub there. Oh fuck, Elder, that feels so good. Man, where did you learn to do that? Oh yeah...play with my balls. God, you're gonna make me cum, Elder! My eyes were closed as I dreamed of being with Elder M. I was nearly to the point of ejaculation when I heard a man walk by on the path. Oh shit, I thought, and pulled out my hand and looked up. He was laughing as he walked by. Man, I was in bad shape, I thought, and got up and kept on walking.
I arrived in Seraing about 9:00am. I didn't know what to do . I changed my clothes and got into some jeans and a T-shirt and walked back outside. I decided to see if Paul was around and walked to his house. It felt really funny to be walking without my shadow. I kept looking around for my companion but I, indeed, was alone.
I arrived at Paul's flat and must have caught him in bed. He opened up the door trying to cover his underwear with a shirt.
"Oh, it's you. Come on in," Paul said opening the door wide then retreating over to his bed and stretching out on it. "I take it Elder M. is gone."
"Yeah. He's probably in Brussels by now. He had an early train to catch and then I just walked home from the train station in Liege."
"Wow, you are in a bad way if you want to do that kind of walking!"
"I just wanted to be alone. I really miss him."
"You two were really close, weren't you?" Paul asked. I don't think we ever said it out loud but I'm sure Paul could tell how close we were from our trip to the baths together or from the night he spent at our apartment.
"I don't know how to express how much I loved the man. I've never experienced that type of love before," I responded not sure how far to take the conversation.
"I could tell from the first time I met you on the stoop that you were two guys that liked each other very much. It's one of the things that attracted me to you as well as to the Church. I figured if the Church allowed guys to be that close then it must be a good thing. How long were you together?"
"I came here in the middle of January so it's been about five months now."
"Wow, and in just that short of time you became that close. That's incredible!" Paul put his arms behind his head giving me a great shot at his pits. I admit, I've always had a fetish for armpits. He had this amazing bush in each pit that nearly merged with the black, curly hair on his chest. He was laying on the top of his covers, just wearing the normal dark blue briefs. I was enjoying watching him.
"So, I've got some time before my new companion arrives. Want to go do something?" I asked.
"Great. I've got today off so I'm free." It was kind of weird just being here with Paul and not with Elder M. and Paul. We were a threesome not a twosome. For some reason, it was more difficult to communicate as two than it was as three.
Paul stood up and said, "What shall we go do?" He stretched, pushing his hands far over his head and stretching his torso and legs. I nearly died because his package stuck out and I could see the outline of his beautiful dick. He was a very masculine man!
"Get dressed and let's go throw the Frisbee around then have lunch at my place. How does that sound?" I thought if we were physically active, we wouldn't have to communicate as much and it might be less awkward.
"Sounds good. Just let me get dressed and we can go out." Paul, as I described it before, only had the one room plus a small bathroom and kitchen behind. He didn't seem to care if I was there watching him. He stripped off his briefs and stood naked before me, scratching his belly and fluffing up his dick and balls. Believe me, it didn't need fluffing up. It appeared to be rising on it's own. He wandered around a bit looking for a shirt. Because his dick was semi-hard, it swayed back and forth, left to right as he walked. I had a difficult time keeping my eyes off it. Finally, he found a shirt and stood not two feet in front of me while he slowly put it over his head. Meanwhile that dick had reached full hard status and was crying out for some attention. I swear Paul was doing that deliberately but I didn't rise to the bait though I really wanted to. I sat on my hands and tried to look away. Paul finally put on some jeans going without underwear and then found some socks and shoes. He was dressed and I somehow kept what virtue I had left!
We had a fun morning playing Frisbee in the street with some of the younger neighborhood kids. As missionaries, we were always playing with the kids in the streets. They were the people that most accepted us. After a couple hours with them, we headed back to our apartment after picking up some food for lunch. Paul said he'd fix me a Greek pizza that you cook on the stovetop. Sounded great to me. He got busy in the little room that pretended to be our kitchen. I stayed in the main area cleaning up for the new companion. I moved my sheets over to Elder M.'s bed because I thought that would help me to feel closer to him. I also took over his half of the wardrobe and the table. I swept up the floor and dusted the beds and chairs. The place looked halfway presentable by the time Paul had the pizza ready to eat.
We sat down at the table and blessed the food then dug in. That Paul was a culinary genius. Who would have thought you could make that on our little stove top.
After a few bites, I asked Paul, "What was the real reason why you left Greece?"
He stopped chewing for a few minutes and looked at me. "Why do you want to know?"
"I guess I thought we were close enough friends now that maybe you'd like to fill in some of the blanks left open the other night when the three of us talked. But I don't want to pry if you're not comfortable telling me."
Paul looked at me again. I received the impression that he was calculating whether it was worth telling me. Finally, he stood up and lifted up his shirt and pointed to a long scar on the side of his torso. It was about 6 inches long and was somewhat hidden by the thick thatch of hair he sported. "There, that's the real reason."
I put my finger on it and ran it down the length of the scar. There was considerable amount of scar tissue built up. "Wow! How did you get this doozy?"
He put his shirt back down and sat down. He looked me in the eye and said, "My lover cut me because of anger. I had come home late one night and suddenly, I saw the blade come at me from behind the door as I entered. I turned but not in time to avoid a nasty cut on my side. I grabbed a chair to defend myself but I instead hit my lover who fell on the floor in such a way that the knife cut into the chest causing my lover to bleed to death in front of me. I didn't know what to do. I ran from the flat to a friend's house. I was afraid. At this time in Greece, we had to Reign of the Colonels and people disappeared. There was no justice. I didn't want to be one of those people. I begged for some money and then hitchhiked to Heraklion on the east end of Crete. There, I got a ferry for Rhodes then it was easy to get into Turkey. From there, I made my way up to Belgium because my sister's husband had family in Charleroi. They were able to get me this pitiable job in the steel mill and I came here. There. Now you know."
"When did all this happen?" I asked somewhat dumbfounded.
"I left Xania on the night of 16 January, 1964 and started working here in Seraing in September of 1968."
"Do you know if you are wanted in Greece now?"
"My family sends me word every once in a while. I was a wanted
criminal. My picture was in the papers and posted in the towns around Crete. Luckily, Greece and Turkey don't talk to each other so they don't know I crossed over into Turkey. Now that the Colonels have been replaced by a legitimate government, I don't know what my status is. I just know that I can't return to Greece or I'll face imprisonment or even worse."
It took a moment for all this to sink in. Paul was a felon who had left Greece illegally and was still wanted. "Is Paul your real name?" I suddenly asked?
"No," he admitted. "I took that name when I got my Carte d'Identite here in Belgium. I had some papers made by friends I knew in Charleroi. My real name is Andreas Krassoudakis."
My mind was really reeling by now. We had baptized a Paul and now I find out he's really Andy. I didn't have a clue what the Church would do if they ever found out.
"Are you going to tell anyone what I've just told you?" Paul/Andy asked with some trepidation.
"Are you kidding? Who am I going to tell? We all have secrets. We all have to live our lives as best we can. No, I'm not going to give away any of your secrets. You're too good of a friend."
Paul was visibly relieved at my words. We were quiet for a few minutes then Paul said while still looking down at his empty plate, "I think I know what your secret is."
My heart stopped for a second. I had never told anyone I was gay. I really didn't tell Elder M.. We just grew into our relationship. The thought that someone outside Elder M. or me knew about my secret feelings was frightening and I panicked.
"Hey, I don't have any secrets. My life's an open book!" I pretended with some fake bravura.
"I don't want to tell on you or anything. Maybe it would help you if you knew that my lover in Xania was named Antonio and he was 33 years old and I was 16."
Caught. Even more than caught, I was outed by a gay man. Paul was gay! The thought never occurred to me. My eyes must have had the deer in the headlights look. Paul laughed at me and pointed them out saying, "You should see your eyes, man. You look like you've seen a ghost!" He stopped laughing then put his hand on mine and continued, "Don't worry about it Elder. I know you're gay. I think Elder M. was gay. I'm gay. We're family. You're secret is safe with me."
I had never faced the reality that someone actually knew who and what I was inside. And then I said the words I had never said to another human being including Elder M. "You're right, I'm gay."
It was the first time I had ever admitted to myself that I was a homosexual, that I was gay. The burden that was lifted from my life was incredible. It was like sliding the round peg into the round hole after trying to shove it into the square hole for so many years. "I'm gay!!!" I started to shout it. "I'm gay!!!" I stood up and did a dance, a jig of gayness. A reprise of "I feel pretty!" was even more appropriate at this time! Paul stood up and danced with me. We sang songs and did a tango together and laughed. This was the moment I was liberated from the heterosexual chains I was trying to lock myself up in. It was like coming out from a cave into a bright sun! "I'm Gay!"
After a few minutes, the two of us just laid down on the bed. "How did you know?" I asked Paul.
"Well, it was pretty easy given what you and Elder M. were doing in the bath house. I thought I might be able to just catch a glimpse of you in the showers but the three of us were fuckin' horny that day and played like it. Then there was the baptism and we were naked and hard. But the most obvious thing was the way you and Elder M. acted around each other. You truly loved each other. You eyes sparkled every time you looked at each other. I was so jealous. I thought I had that relationship with Antonio but clearly there was a flaw there. But you two...you two were special! I loved being with you because of your love for each other. And then this morning. I tried in every way I knew how to get you to have sex with me. Man, I nearly stuck my fucking dick in your mouth but you wouldn't have anything to do with it. You wanted your man. That is sooooo neat!"
Well, now this morning made a lot more sense. It did seem like he was baiting me more than usual. And I nearly did take the bait. But here we were now, on my bed with our feet on the floor and our heads up against the wall - two gay guys alone. I looked over at Paul and grinned. I grabbed his hand and held it then, deliberately, I put it on my crotch and left it there. My cock rose to attention and Paul felt the rod get harder and harder.
Paul grinned back at me and placed my hand on his cock that was easy to feel because he didn't have any underwear on under his jeans. I could feel it fill up with blood and become hard and thick.
"Well, now what shall we do?" I asked with my hand squeezing his dick through his jeans.
"I don't know about you, but if I don't get naked in about two seconds and have my way with you, I'm gonna be pissed!" And with that, he jumped up and undid his pants and nearly jumped out of them while throwing off his shirt. Then, he bent down and undid my jeans and pulled them off, then the shirt then he helped me lower my garments. Soon, the two of us were naked and very hard and very horny. I gasped at how incredible Paul's body felt. His furry chest and torso was in full contact with my hairy chest. Our cocks were rubbing against each other and our mouths were exploring the inner depths.
When Paul went down to suck on my dick, I thought for a second about Elder M. Wasn't this betraying my love for him? Maybe. But this was so much different than it was with Elder M. This was raw and very superficial. With Elder M. it was always deeply emotional. This was play. That was life. This was with a buddy. That was with a part of myself.
I allowed myself to really enjoy being with Paul. I wanted some raw sex. I wanted to just go after his dick and suck it dry. I wanted his cum all over my body. I wanted animal sex. With this big Greek with the perfect dick, I was getting a sexual training that I never had before. He did things to me that I tried to remember so I could teach them to Elder M. Paul begged me to fuck him. He wanted my cock up his ass and turned over and pointed his rosebud at me asking me to shove my dick up his hole. I put some lotion on his hole and shoved my rod all the way up. He screamed out for a second then moaned with pure pleasure. God, this felt so good. Elder M. and I never fucked. I wanted Paul's ass so bad! Paul made lovemaking fun because he was vocal and told me what was good and what he wanted. In two minutes, I exploded up his ass. I thought my dick was going to fall off it was so powerful inside the moist, dark hole of my Greek buddy. I brought it out and stroked it off on his back. Then he turned over and jacked off and let it fall on my chest, glob after potent glob of Greek cum all over my chest. Then the two of us collapsed, sated from our sexual desires like two bears in heat.
The two of us laid there for a while. It was good. I didn't feel guilty in the least. I didn't love Paul like I loved Elder M. but I enjoyed him as a buddy. He made my body orgasmic in ways no one, not even my true companion, could. I knew I would have to lay with Paul again if the opportunity ever presented itself.
We got up, eventually, and began to clean ourselves up. We both felt fabulous! It was near three in the afternoon and the place was in good shape. We dressed and just sat there talking about Paul's lover and how they met and where he had sex and when he started and all the great questions you want to ask a Greek God!
Then there was a knock at the door. I suddenly remembered that the Zone Leader was bringing my new companion. I cautioned Paul to be good. I went over to the door and opened it. Only the Zone Leader was there. He said his companion was helping my new companion with his luggage from the street up the stairs. I reintroduced him to Paul and told him that Paul had come over to keep my company while I was without companion. The Zone Leader seemed pleased that I would make that arrangement.
I heard some grunts in the stairwell. I looked and could make out the outline of the baby Zap and my new companion dragging a trunk up the steps. They brought it into the room and dropped it I the middle of the room. Then my new companion looked up and I saw him for the first time. Well, not quite. My new companion was to be Elder Peters from Verviers. I was to be the new senior and he was my junior. The Zone Leader introduced us. Elder Peters and I pretended that we barely knew each other. The Zaps chatted for a few minutes then wished up good luck and left.
Here I was in the Seraing apartment with my gay friend Paul and my gay missionary friend, Elder Peters. If Elder M. could see me now!