This is the continuation of a fictionalized account of my mission in France and Belgium in the early 1970s. Though based upon real situations and circumstances, it is still fiction and only is what I would have liked to have happened.
Gary
Part VI - P Day Afternoon II
Everyone was dressed for fun. No suits or ties or dresses for the sisters. It was to be a day for play in the Cultural Hall of the chapel and eating. Everyone had brought different things to eat. We brought ham and cheese sandwiches along with our fruit. Verviers brought some cooked beans that were supposed to be like chile but who could tell. The Zaps brought the drinks - Orangina. Elders Caldwell and Anderson brought cookies. They were apparently bought because, as Elder Caldwell told it, the oven in their apartment burnt his special homemade cookies. Yeah, right. Elders Anderson and LeSueuer provided a variety of cheeses. But all of us were hoping for something really good from the sister missionaries. They didn't fail us. Sister Fuchs made some incredible sauerkraut and potatoes in the Chapel kitchen. I normally didn't like sauerkraut but this was incredibly delicious. Sister Allen made a special bundt like cake in the chapel oven that was full of chocolate and nuts and covered in powdered sugar. It was a feast for a king or several kings!
We spent most of the afternoon eating and playing games. It was a good release for all of us. The sisters brought some games from England and Germany I had never heard of before so we learned those. We played some dodge ball and drop the hanky. Elder Bertrand gave us his French version of pin the tail on the donkey. We couldn't play basketball - no hoops - practically un-American - oh, yeah, we're in Belgium. But the Elders all challenged each other in a Fusball tournament. Americans at that time didn't really have any ability to play Fusball. Too many hand motions. It took some time to learn. But the Elders played it all over the mission. It was THE mission game.
Finally, the day was coming to an end. We needed to clean up and start out for home. I had a great time with all the elders and felt like I was part of a good bunch of guys. Even the sisters were full of fun. But, I kept close to Elder M. The two of us were always on the same team. We rooted for each other and always tried to be on the same team. We dropped the hanky on each other and crashed together after our run around the circle. During dinner, we sat near each other and acted like an old married couple with our comments. I liked being with Elder Millett. He was becoming part of my life.
The Zaps took us back to the bus. We were tired. The bus was late coming and we finally climbed up the steps to our room about 10pm.
"Oh flip!" moaned Elder M as soon as we got in the door. "We forgot to pick up our laundry. Now we don't have anything clean to put on for tomorrow. Crap!"
In reality, we really didn't have much at all. Everything was out being washed or cleaned. Then I remembered we still had our dirty garments from when we went to the bathhouse.
"Hey, we could wash out the garments from this morning and hang them up to dry. At least we'll have clean Gs to put on in the morning," I said while pulling out my garments from the morning.
"Great idea! I'll put on some water to heat and we can hang them up over the heater."
We spent the next half hour grinding our dirty pair of garments into the wash water, twisting them and re-twisting them the try and squeeze out the dirt and perspiration. We had dressed down to just our own garments while standing there like old washer women. We also washed a pair of socks each and a t shirt to put on in the morning.
"Elder," I said. "Six months ago it never occurred to me that I'd be standing here in sweaty garments next to another guy while we washed out garments and socks and shirts and hung them out to drive. Man, life really changes on ya', doesn't it?"
Elder M laughed. "Yeah. We might as well be married for all we've done today!"
Thinking back to the bathhouse then to the Zone outing and the looking at us standing there washing clothes together in our underwear, I joked, "So, when are you going to get out the lacey nightie for me?"
Elder M practically fell over he laughed so hard. "No, Elder, you're the wife. You get to put on the nightie."
"Oh no, Elder, you do the cooking and the washing so that qualifies you more than me!"
Then from behind me, I heard Elder M start to pretend he was the wife. In his best falsetto voice he said, "Oh husband, dear. Time to get into bed!"
I turned around and he was there with his garment down off his right shoulder and doing an enticing little dance with a lot of hip swinging. I cracked up. He was so flippin' funny. He curved his finger to make me follow him while he sang some tune I'd never heard of before and continued his little dance to the bed. Then he started to take down the other shoulder of the garment and slip them down to his navel. He continued to swivel his hips and do his best female interpretation. I kept laughing but inside, I was getting turned on by his naked chest and swinging hips.
Finally, he turned his back to me and let his garments slip over his ass and then he bumped his ass back to me and said, "Let's get going big boy!" He paused and then fell over on the bed and the two of us just laughed. I jumped on top of him and said "You wish!" while I slapped his ass and then the two of us just fell over on the bed next to each other and laughed. After a couple of minutes, we stopped laughing but neither moved. My hand was on Elder M's bared chest and I was next to him lying on my stomach. Both our heads were on his pillow. In this position, we talked about the day and how much fun we had at the Zone meeting. We talked about our investigators and our hopes for a baptism in a week or two. I got up on one elbow and rested my head on my hand. We talked a lot about our missions and why we were there. We expressed our testimonies to each other. The atmosphere changed from tomfoolery to a spiritual meeting of our spirits. We were as one. It wasn't in the least bit sexual. It was loving in the same way as Jonathon and David. It was, perhaps, the most meaningful moment in my life. For the first time, I was connected to another human in a way I had never experienced.
We talked for a couple of hours while lying there on the bed half naked and a little wet from the washing. Elder M talked about his family and his brothers. He had 5 brothers, all older, all served missions. He loved them a lot. He talked about his great parents and their support for his school activities and their love for him. He expressed how much love he felt for them and from them. He thought that Heaven would and should be like that, people loving each other in deep and meaningful ways. He thought that was how we should approach our investigators. Love was in his heart.
I talked about my dysfunctional parents and alcoholism and how I never allowed myself to be close to anyone in my entire life. Dependent children of alcoholics always expect the worst to happen because they can never trust their parents to respond in normal ways. That was certainly what my childhood was like. I never knew whether I would be slapped or kissed when I walked in the door from school. I told him I envied his family and especially the love he grew up with. I began to cry a bit as I expressed how much I wanted to raise a family like the one he grew up in.
At the end of our conversation, Elder M looked me in the eye and said, "Elder, no matter what happened to you in your family, that's all in the past. Today is today and I want you to know that I am your brother in every sense of that word and you are my brother just as surely as the five I have at home. We are a family, here in Seraing, Belgium. The love we have will be the best thing we can give away to those whom we have been called to serve."
We looked each other directly in the eyes for what seemed like an eternity but after a few seconds, with teary eyes, I mumbled, "I'm not sure I know how to give away that kind of love. I've, um, never felt like..." My voice trailed off as I was trying somehow to express the unexpressable, to describe the deep hole I felt inside. The sense of the overwhelming emptiness I felt inside, the years of painful loneliness, the constant searching for purpose, the ache I felt every day of my life -- all these unexpressed and deeply covered feelings began to come to the surface causing my eyes to overflow. I tried to keep it in. I didn't want to show such weakness to the man who just allowed me into his circle of family and love. But I could no longer contain the love-less tears that escaped from inside nor the soul-less moans that rang low and lost from deep in my throat. I had come to a moment of catharthis and fire needed to take its toll.
Elder M somehow understood. He put his arm around me and gathered me close to him and in a voice beyond his years said, "It's okay, Elder. Let it all out. Don't keep anything back. I'm here for you now."
I remained there in his arms and cried. He didn't move. After some time passed, I gathered whatever cohesiveness I could and tried to talk. Without lifting my head and in between sobs, I said, "I'm sorry to dump this on you. I don't know what's happening to me. I never cry. I never, ever say anything about what I'm feeling. I can't even tell you what it is that I'm feeling. I'm just ... I don't know ...." My voice dibbled off as I tried to understand what I was experiencing inside.
"You're feeling the Spirit make you a new man, Elder. You will never be the same person again for you will know that you are loved as a brother and as a son. You need never feel unloved again."
With that, he hugged me tighter and kissed my cheek. The richness of the spirit continued with us for some time. Eventually, the two of us stood up, straightened out our clothing then, feeling the need to express ourselves in a deeper way, we knelt in prayer together. We prayed words I cannot write here. We prayed with a feeling I'd never experienced before. This moment shall ever be the time I remember learning who I was and, understanding that, this moment was the time I first felt beloved.