Obligatory warnings and legal disclaimers:
If you are under the age of 21 or the age of majority in your area, offended by male/male material, or it is illegal to view such materials in your country, state, county, or municipality, you should leave now.
If you are looking for a story with lots of sex, tough luck! This is a story of friendship, bonding, and love. Only time will tell which direction it will take.
There are no profits to be made here.
Do not archive, copy or email this story without permission of the author. You have been warned. This story has been copyrighted.
I don't know any of the celebrities in this story. This story does not imply anything about their sexualities, personalities, or anything else. This is a work of pure fiction. A fantasy. This story is not meant to imply anything about Agim Kaba, Travis Fimmel or Jensen Ackles.
(Agim Kaba is associated with As The World Turns. As The World Turns belongs to Columbia Broadcasting System (Copyright MMII, CBS Worldwide Inc. All Rights Reserved) and Procter & Gamble.
(Jensen Ackles Is associated with Days Of Our Lives. Days Of Our Lives belongs to
National Broardcasting Company and Tristar Pictures (Copyright MMII, NBC. All Rights Reserved).
Travis Fimmel is associated with New York Model Management.)
Main Characters:
Brendan: 21, 5'10", light brown hair, green eyes. Swimmers build all American type.
Becky (Beck): Typical hometown woman, 5'8. 25, blond hair, black pooling eyes.
Agim (Jim) Kaba: Albanian, 20, 6', long brown hair, brown eyes, smooth soccer player build.
Travis Fimmel: 21, 6',dark blond Blue-green eyes.
Jensen Ackles: 19, 6', dirty blond, hazel eyes.
Minor Character (Minor characters will be added as the story unfolds.):
Mick: Owner of the bar called Mick's and the cafe, The Place.
A True Fond
Chapter Four
Agim
It was a warm day early in the season. The autumn sky was an inviting blue with not one-cloud to mare it. I had enjoyed putting the top of my rented convertible down enjoying the sun and fresh country air as I drove from Jackson Metro Airport back to Pockston. Back to where life had taken a sudden twist leading me down a path that few traveled. I was returning to Mick's Tavern and all the memories that it held. Most of those memories I held close to my heart. I cherished them. Others, I would give anything to put aside. How could one place be so wonderful and at the same time so evil?
When I returned to New York that winter I left a part of myself that could never be taken back even if I wanted to. What had happen here that winter had plunged me into two different worlds. One, I desperately wanted to escape but didn't know how to begin to do so. The other had promised discovery and much happiness. It was that happiness that I reveled in as I neared my destination. I wanted to recapture the happiness I had known here. To have it back might cost me more than I was willing to pay. What is the cost of happiness or the cost of freedom? I needed to find a way to bring the happiness that I left here into the life I was living without destroying the people I loved. Without destroying myself.
As I pulled into the parking lot of Mick's Tavern I could see that it looked almost the same when I was last here. Then it was a dark haven that stood out in a vast snow covered landscape. It's dim lights beckoning to a weary traveler. Now with the snow gone it wasn't as inviting and seemed out of place in the colors of autumn. The rustic look I remembered had been replaced with a stark black paint. Spoiling the multi-colored trees that framed the building.
Opening the car door a rush of leaves exploded on the ground. Reds, golden leaves. They were picked up in the slight wind that promised the winter to come. It had been a warm autumn day but as I stood looking at the building I could feel a definite chill in the air I hadn't noticed while driving.
Looking across the parking area I could see that there were more dried brown leaves than reds and gold's that were still on the trees. The building in front of me didn't look as prosperous. It was an awful backdrop in this beautiful warm day.
The place was empty. When I got up to the bar I sat on my usual stool. I could hear someone moving about in the office. Looking around I could see that the inside was no different than the last time I was here. The walls still a dark paneling of wood. The same ratted carpet. Nothing had change. Mick's, seem like the only place in the world that time couldn't change.
I saw her come round the corner but I didn't say anything. She was busy looking over papers she held in her hand and hadn't looked up. I was surprised when she spoke.
"Double Scotch straight up right, Agim." As she said it I could see a slight curl at the corner of her lips.
I was a little startled and looked it. "Yes! Please."
"I never forget a face and I don't forget a paying customer's drink... Besides, I saw you when you got out of your car." Laughing as she talked. "So, what brings you back to these parts."
"Mini vacation. I needed a break. And, I guess, I wanted to see old friends, Beck." I said weakly.
"It's been two years."
"I know," saying it sadly as I continued looking around the place. Everything looked in the same spot. It seemed like it was yesterday that I sat here drinking that first fateful Scotch. Two years. Not so long ago. Nothing was out of place. Except that Brendan wasn't here. She must have known what I was thinking.
"Agim, don't let the look of this place be the judge. A lot has changed."
She was a great bar keep. "I think, then, I'd like to hear them. If you don't mine talking to a stranger?"
"I've been watching your soap, you know. I hate Lucy and that slut Alison. They ought to write me into the story." She laughed. That was a good idea I thought. Brendan too. That would give the show an interesting storyline. We talked about the show. I even told her some of the future plots, which I shouldn't have revealed. But what the hell, I knew she wouldn't tell. I trusted her. As, Brendan trusted her.
We sat bringing each other up on our lives over the past two years. The highlight was that she was now owner/operator of Mick's. This happened when Mick was convicted of arson. He burnt down the cafe for the insurance to fund an investment scheme. He got a 15year sentence. Her life was more exciting. Filled with added responsibilities. For the last two years all I had to show for it was work. She had told me nothing I didn't already know. I wasn't willing to tell her how much more I knew about what was happening in Pockston. How I was caught up in it too. Whenever I came to Pockston it was for more than to visit old friends.
I finally asked about Brendan. Her mood went from gleeful to somber, finally sad, as she began telling me the story.
"So much has happened to him, Agim," she began. "I really don't know where to start. I knew you'd ask.
"After you left he all but cratered. You shouldn't have fuck him. Sorry, you shouldn't have made love to him. You shouldn't have had sex with him... He loves you...
As she talked of Brendan the memory of those two lost days flooded back to me. How Brendan and I camped out at Mick's. I could see us sitting here that last fateful night.
We sat in the empty bar savoring one of Mick's better brandy's letting our meal settle. In the background Patsy Cline was singing the song Crazy. My eyes closed lost in thought. Once in awhile they would tighten slightly then relax. I was enjoying the feeling of being on the top of the world. We were alone and I knew that Brendan was looking at me. He was studying me. Memorizing my face with it smooth features at rest in the dim light. I knew what he would be seeing. He would see the hint of hair above my upper lip and a little more on my chin. My eye lashes long almost girlish but not taking anything away from my handsome looks. It had happened so many times before. In many ways I was tired of being looked at. I wanted to me free of the limelight but I enjoyed being looked at. Being wanted. It didn't matter whether it was male or female.
I was wearing a tight pullover slightly torn at the neck and you could see the valley between my pectorals. My nipples were hard under the tight cloth. I had dressed this before knowing it made whoever I was with want to reach over and rub their hand from one to the other. Yes, I knew that Brendan was gay. I knew that he wanted me. I knew that I was playing to his desires. Making him want me more than he should. More than I was willing to give him.
"I caught you!" I said opening my eyes.
Refocusing he said, "Caught me?"
"You were staring at me." He blushed. "You are so easy to blush."
"You make me do that a lot, you know."
"Listen Brendan, I told you it happens all the time. Men and women do it. We do need to talk. There a lot we need to talk about. But, I have a couple calls to make. While I do that why don't you clear the table and I'll help in washing later."
The calls took longer that I expected and when I exited the office I peeked into the kitchen and saw that everything was clean. I saw that Brendan was lost in a game of pinball and was trying to beat the best scorer, who was SEX SLAVE. He didn't hear me when I first approach. I was trying not to be a distraction but he must have seen me at the corner of his vision and he missed the steel ball with a flipper. It was his last ball. SEX Slave still reigned supreme.
He cursed under his breath as I said, "You're good." I took his hand and lead him back to our table. "Who is SEX SLAVE?"
"Do you have to ask?" He was defiantly sniggering.
"Oh, guess not. Becky." I wasn't sure but from the look on his face there wasn't much doubt.
Brendan was almost laughing. I was sure that it wasn't the alcohol. But then he turned serious without missing a heartbeat. Shadows quickly floated across his eyes when he said, "You know more about me than I do, Agim.
"You're right. I should tell you about me. But there really isn't much to tell. You can read all about my life in `Soap Digest'". Still I told him. Growing up in Tampa, Florida and moving back to New York to play collegiate soccer at St. John's University, majoring in Fine Arts. That my dreams of becoming a professional soccer didn't pan out. How a modeling scout discovered me helping jump-started my acting career.
As I told him all this I could tell I wasn't giving him what he wanted. He wanted the real me not what was published by my publicity agent. The more time I spent with him the more uncertain I was who the real me was. Brendan had a way of disarming you. A natural gift that if given a chance you were drawn to him. He was one of the most caring individual I had come into contact with over the last few years. I was coming under his control and was frighten by the feelings that began to overtake my mind. He wasn't doing anything more than listening to me. But, the more I talked the more I wanted to share with him. His ability to give of himself was infinite clearly showing my shortcomings. Knowing how he had handle seeing me on television was proof. He knew who I was and it had not affected him. To him, I wasn't the great talented Agim Kaba.
"Why are you here?" He asked, causing me to stop the general narrative that I had memorized.
I paused, allowing me to quickly adjust to the interruption.
"I'm here because I had a interview in Brighton Beach and I got stuck in a snow storm," I said. That was true but it wasn't the only reason why I was in Pockston. Why I got off the freeway and took the back roads. That reason I couldn't explain. I wasn't sure I could but the urge to try was there. Looking at him with all of his innocence prevented me from making the attempt.
"Would you like to be somewhere else?" Brendan asked plainly.
I realized that he had taken control of what I was telling him. It wasn't that I cared but I knew that I had to be careful or I might tell him something that he didn't need to know for his own safety and for mine.
"No." At that moment, I didn't want to be anywhere else. I wasn't sure why. The more I thought about it, I knew that it was true. I felt uneasy coming to the realization that I was becoming attracted to Brendan. Being a young actor, I had experienced men coming on to me. Never had I returned any interest. Still, here I was, not consciously offering myself to him but feeling a natural push towards him. Thinking what it would be like to be with him. I could feel the sweat on my brow.
"When you took Mick aside what did you say?"
"I told him he wasn't a gentleman and he should act like one. How much he wanted to pay for the damage caused to that point, including tax, labor and tips. I gave him $1,000." That caused Brendan to set back in his chair.
"Since it was cash it probably wont go reported. I have a receipt. I told him he had better not talk to you and Becky like that again or I'd yank off his balls and feed them to him." Brendan was almost hysterical when I told him that.
"I told him to take Becky out of here and to leave the two of us the alone." Brendan stopped laughing and sat upright in his chair. Looking at me for the meaning of that statement. Earlier, I didn't understand why I said it and even now I truthfully didn't. Not wanting Brendan to dwell on that, I continued, "I told him that I needed to make a few phone calls."
Brendan looked like he was trying to digest what I just said but couldn't come to a satisfactory solution to his thoughts. He wasn't unnerved but seemed for a moment to be uncertain. It passed quickly like it was an unwanted intrusion. Like a housefly, that could be waved off. Then he continued.
"Before you came out of the office this morning, Beck and I were talking. Did you hear the last portion of what we were saying?"
"Yes. What she said was correct. Before you ask let me continue. I felt safer holding you. I don't mean to insult you. I knew you was gay after I sat down next to you last might. It didn't matter then or now. But it was one of the reasons I got upset with Mick. Beck went after me as soon as you passed out. You know her. She doesn't take `no' for an answer. So I used you. I used you to protect myself. It wasn't right I know that. I didn't want to hurt her or you like so many others before her. It would have been a one-time happening. Another notch. When you left to take a piss, I finally told her that I was gay and it wasn't going to happen. Then you came back. You sat at the edge of the bed and did nothing. Brendan, you could have. I expected you to. I knew you wanted to. I think I left myself exposed to see what you'd do." I couldn't believe I saying this. Was he a stranger or my soul mate? Where did that come from? "That was wrong, too. 99.9 percent of
the people I know would have jumped me. It didn't happen and I respected you for it. I'm not afraid to sleep with you. Maybe if you or Becky knew who I was something different might have happened. Now, I don't think it would have made a difference, with you.
"You could attack me right now and it would be a toss up to see who would win. It's not like I can escape. You proved your trustworthiness. I'm being honest here." I could feel I was totally red from head to toe.
"Then she wanted to watch her soap I panicked. It hit me, what if I was on her soap. What would she do? What would happen then? I had already put my foot where it didn't shine. You said nothing.
"You know that a lot of stars in television are gay. I don't tell tales." I was rambling.
"I'd like a drink and I think you need one to. Relax. Go and get another bottle of brandy. Make it Mick's best...Brendan this is O.K. You're helping me here. I need to get a lot of shit off by shoulders. So, I need you to be yourself so I can too."
We continued talking no longer afraid to touch on topics that would make each other uncomfortable. All the time we continued to drink Pasty Cline sang in the background. It seemed then that Patsy was singing only to us and with each tune brought us to the enviable.
"Agim," Brendan eye's held mine as he reached across the tabletop and his fingertips barely touch my hand. "I think I care more for you than I should. I don't say that to upset you," he whispered.
"Yes, I know," I replied. He was beginning to look like a lost child. I knew that if we didn't get pass this moment we would never be here again, I would never get it back again.
"Agim, no matter what happens, we may end up hurting each other more than we want at this moment. I'm fine with that. I just know that I need you at this moment and I think you need me. It doesn't matter if you're straight. The only thing that is important is that we care.
"I don't want you. I need you. Do I love you? Probably. Should I? No. At the drop of a hat, I'd sweep you into my arm, Brendan."
Another song my Patsy Cline began.
If you loved me half as much as I love you, You wouldn't worry me half as much as you do. You're nice to me when there's no one else around, You only build me up to let me down. If you miss me half as much as I miss you, You wouldn't stay away half as much as you do. I know that I would never be this blue, If you only loved me half as much as I love you. If you loved me half as much as I love you, You wouldn't worry me half as much as you do. I know that I would never be this blue, If you only loved me half as much as I loved you.
Patsy Cline's mournful melody was echoing in my head as I looked at the first man who had bared his soul to me. I knew that I couldn't and wouldn't deny him what he needed.
"... He went into a deep depression. I couldn't help him. Each day it got worst. Guess the only thing that kept him going was the cafe. He threw himself into it. Then Mick burned it down around him.
"At first they blamed Brendan, he was arrested. He sat in jail for five months. For some reason the insurance company didn't believe he was at fault. They felt that Mick had to many claims with all his holdings. Investigators started snooping around. Finally, with the evidence mounting they forced a grand jury up in Clinton.
`He never heard from you. Never once in two years. Why Agim? Why?" She wasn't asking me, it was more an accusation. One I didn't have a good answer for. On the other hand, I couldn't tell her that I had kept up on what was happening. At least I knew that a time would come that I would have to explain. That I had returned to set things right for Brendan. She didn't give me a chance to explain.
"They hauled me in, you know. Thank God, I keep good books and I was clean of Mick's crap. Lots of people got pulled into it. They got what they deserved. Brendan didn't. He had a public defender that was worth shit. It proved money talks. He's a queer so blame him. I think Mick planned it all along. They finally let Brendan go. Even though they cleared him most people around still think he had something to do with the fire.
"No one would give him a job. He did get one in Clinton, however. But driving back and forth ate up most of his earnings. So he gave it up." She was almost in tears.
I knew she loved him.
"If I knew, I would have helped," I said. I lied. I knew most of what she was telling me. What she told me of the affect on Brendan I didn't know.
"Agim, it wouldn't have helped. He wouldn't take your money or help. He won't let me help him. Hell. I'd take out a second mortgage, if I thought he'd let me. He has too much pride. He's using the money his dad set aside for him to pay the taxes on that lousy land of his. I know that he's up there, right now, working to fix all that worthless machinery hoping next year he can make ago of it. If he fails..." She was sobbing. All I could do was look at her.
Before I left, the place had begun to fill. She had pulled herself together. The locals would take the place of a stranger. None of them took notice when I got up to leave giving Becky a friendly kiss and promising to see her soon.
Becky was now the owner of Mick's as it should be.
Standing outside my car I surveyed what was known as the Kohl Farm. It was so quiet and peaceful. But there was hurting here too. The old house, it's white paint faded by time. The barn leaning slightly to one side hadn't been painted in years. There were a few smaller building that didn't look much better in the half darkness of dusk. The sky was still clear of clouds and the stars were out. The air held a chill. The farmhouse was illuminated by one mercury light that stood half way between it and the weather beaten barn.
The gravel under my shoes crunched loudly as I started towards the barn. That's where Becky said I would find Brendan at this time of night. As I walked, I asked myself what had prevented me from coming back sooner. Could I have done more to lessen the pain that Brendan had experienced the last two years. Maybe if I had known what Mick was up to I could have place a barrier between Mick and him. But by the time I found out it was to late. I did what I could do and paid a high price to be able to come back and try to set things right. I was in damage control mode.
Only a single light broke the darkness. A beacon. Warning of hidden dangers and hope that lie in the darkness.
What was I bringing with me this time?
Travis
"Where the hell is Jensen," he asked.
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Half as Much written by Curley Williams. Sung by Patsy Cline.
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