Turnabout

Here is the fifth chapter of the second series of Turnabout. Of course, it will make very little sense unless you've read through the first series, all of which is on the Nifty Archive (to whom much thanks).

This chapter is for Andrew, with much affection.

-Six-

I came to a dead stop. Other students pushed around me. Josh, obviously not having seen what I had, moved on a few steps and then noticed I was no longer beside him. He turned back, and when he did his searching gaze took in what had rooted me to the spot.

I saw the 'oh, fuck!' look come over his face and his lips actually moved with the words. He worked his way back to me shaking his head. He reached out, grabbed me by the arm, and pulled me deeper into the cafeteria. "No sense letting them see us," he said into my ear and then maneuvered us into the lineup for food.

"What..." I started, and then came to a stop.

"No point asking," Josh replied, obviously interpreting me better than I could myself. "What's gonna happen is gonna happen. Nothing we can do about it."

"What is Debbie doing with him?" I finally managed to get out a coherent thought.

"Pretty obvious," Josh replied. "She's seen enough to know that Will was pretty tight with you, so she's probably pumping him for everything she can get out of him."

"Oh, man," I sighed. "And if he's still upset about us..."

"Yeah, I hear you. But let's leave it there until we get out of the line."

I snapped myself back into the real world. I mean, what was going on with Josh and me was actually more real to me than a cafeteria lineup, but I still had sense enough to realize that this alternate reality still had a lot to do with the one I wanted to be in. So I shut up and went about the business of gathering together something that could just conceivably be called a meal.

I finally ended up with a collection of items that my stomach would not revolt at, and paid for the privilege of putting them into my system. Josh and I moved off to find a quiet corner. We found one, but it didn't stay quiet for long. Before either of us could get his mouth open to continue our interrupted conversation, Stu showed up.

He was obviously in the process of taking his tray back to the dirty dishes window, which had led him to walk right by our table. His face took on a mulish look when Josh gave him a glance that should have told him he wasn't welcome to stop.

"Look, Josh," Stu started off, "I'm not going to let you just toss me aside like a piece of garbage!"

I could feel my eyes bulging with surprise. Josh looked kind of taken aback too. "Stu, what is that supposed to mean?" he asked.

"Simple," replied Stu. "One day we're all buddy-buddy, the next I'm history. I don't like that." Stu obviously had no difficulty stating what was on his mind once he realized what was on his mind.

"Well, Stu," said Josh, trying to contain his anger at Stu's obstinacy, "it's like I said before. I never believed we were 'buddy-buddy', as you put it. As far as I'm concerned, you were there for the status it gave you to be seen with me, and that's all there was to it. You never gave me any evidence of anything else. I just got sick of that. Of you and those other guys who were there for the same reason."

Stu's face was a study. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. To me, he looked about ready to cry with frustration. He was fighting it hard, trying to preserve his masculine façade, but he was sure having a tough time doing it. He finally got his mouth open and spat out, "When did you ever let me show you anything else?" He struggle a bit more, then gave it up and charged off to the window. A loud slam of tray hitting metal gave us another clue as to his feelings.

"Whoa!" I breathed. "What is going on there?"

Josh had a puzzled look on his face. "You got me, bud," he responded. "Seems as though there's a little more there than I thought."

"I'm with you on that one," I answered. "Is he going to be something else we have to worry about?"

"Well, at least something I'm going to have to deal with," was Josh's observation. "This thing with Debbie is what I'm really worried about. Stu I can handle."

"Are you sure about that? The way he's acting makes me think we've been wrong about who he is. At least, that's my impression. You've known him a lot longer."

"Well, 'know' is a relative word. I mean, sure, he was always there. But that's about it. He was just there. I knew his face, I knew his name. There was nothing that made me want to know any more."

"Josh, look..." I hesitated. I wasn't sure this was the right thing to bring up, but since we were on the subject anyway, I decided to risk it. "What was all that crap about, anyway? I mean, you and the toadies."

Josh sighed with exasperation. I must have gotten some kind of concerned look on my face, because he actually reached over and patted my arm. It was one of those things that, as soon as it happened, would make you think that every single person in the room was looking right at you and would immediately understand the full implications of that pat. Amazing how we always believe we're the center of the universe, the most important thing in it. A quick scan of the room on my part revealed that absolutely no one was paying the slightest bit of attention to us. It also revealed, particularly since I'd looked that way first, that Debbie and Will were no longer at the table where they'd been when we first came in.

"I'm sorry, David," said Josh contritely. "I'm not mad at you for asking. I'm mad at myself. I've been trying to get all that shit out of my head because I just want to beat myself up every time I think about what a jerk I was."

"Hey!" It was my turn to reach out and grasp his arm, giving him a reassuring squeeze.

"It really bums me out, though," Josh went on. "I suppose I did it because it's what Dad wanted me to do. At least, what I thought he wanted me to do. Like I told you, he was always on at me about 'keeping up my position'. So, I guess, when I found people like Stu wanting to be around me like that, I just sort of, um, 'collected' them. And then there they were, like they'd earned a position or something, and they just stuck. And I guess I got sucked into being the kind of controlling king shit you accused me of being that day."

His face had taken on that sick look again. This was getting dangerous. I had to get him off of this. It really had been a bad move on my part. "Look, man, you've more than redeemed yourself as far as I'm concerned. You realized what was going on, and you've changed that. What more could anyone ask? Nobody's perfect. At least you had the brains to make a difference for yourself. And, speaking of brains, where is our pal Stu coming from?"

"Oh my god," said Josh by way of response. I thought that was kind of odd until I saw him staring past my shoulder. "Speak of the devil and here he comes again!"

I swung around to look, and sure enough, Stu was bearing down upon us at full throttle. If ever there was a man with a mission, it was Stu. I turned back to Josh and gave him a quick smile of reassurance. Josh's mouth was set in a grim line, but his eyes showed he was puzzled just the same, not sure of what was going to happen.

Stu barged up to the table at such speed he actually banged into it before he got stopped. Even before Josh could get his mouth open to say anything, Stu was on the attack. "Josh, we gotta talk! You can't do this to me, man!"

"Stu, what is it I can't do to you, and why can't I do it?" I was afraid the double question was going to overload Stu's processor, but the guy was obviously on a roll today. He came right back.

"You can't just tell me what it is I think or don't think and make that the reason for just tossing me aside! Look, can't we talk about this. Without him?" The 'him' was delivered with a heavy, sneering emphasis that made me see red.

"Now look, Stu," I said, getting to my feet. Not that it was an easy thing to do with those damn step-over cafeteria-style bench seats. I didn't exactly look like a lethal killing machine uncoiling itself and getting ready to attack. But I finally got myself into upright mode and facing Stu. "Now look, Stu," I said again to make sure he remembered it was me speaking to him. "A little less of this 'him' thing, if you don't mind. I'm right here. If you've got something to say to me, say it to me."

Stu looked at me as though he'd rather do something other than speak to me. Then Josh got up and came around to stand behind me. Stu's face took on that frustrated look again. "What is it with him, anyway?" Stu asked Josh. And before either of us could get our mouths open, Stu charged on. "I mean, he shows up like two days ago, and suddenly everything's different. I don't know about those other guys..." I assumed he meant the other toadies, "... but I've been there for you whenever you wanted me. For like more than a year now. And just like that I get tossed? For him?"

I was getting seriously pissed. Why was everybody talking around me, about me, as though I wasn't there at all? First Debbie, now Stu... just what was that all about?

Josh got in before I could start snarling at Stu. "Stu, I asked you this before and I never got an answer. I'm going to ask you again: what is it you want from me?"

Stu's frustration level seemed to go up another notch. "I did tell you before, Josh. I want to be your friend. You keep saying I can't be because all I want to do is let everybody see me with you. But it's not like that at all. I want to be with you because you're a great guy. I like you. I want you to like me."

I had to hand it to Stu. There was no beating around the bush with this guy. Straight in on what he wanted, leaving no doubt as to what that was.

But Josh wasn't buying it. He said, "Stu, I was not a 'great guy' all the time you were hanging around. I was the complete and total opposite of a great guy. That's what David here showed me. He woke me up to that. And what you are, Stu, is a part of that guy that I don't like any more. I really, really don't like him any more. And I'm sorry if this hurts you, Stu, but I gotta tell ya--all you do is remind me of that other guy."

Stu's face fell so dramatically I thought at first he was putting it on. But what he couldn't put on, not unless he were a very powerful and experienced actor, was the glint of a tear I saw gathering at the corner of his eye. He didn't say another word, but wheeled and charged away as fast as he could go.

My mind was spinning. I turned to Josh and said, "Don't look now. But I think our friend Stu is in love with you."

We met in the parking lot right after school. Neither Josh nor I wanted to hang about to see or hear from any of the people who we thought were giving us a hard time. Josh reported no sighting of Stu as he arrived at the car. I was able to tell him that I hadn't seen either Debbie or Will, together or separately.

"So, umm... what do you want to do?" asked Josh.

"Be with you." It was out without my even thinking up the words to say. It was just like triggering a voice activation switch or something.

Josh looked awed. "Jeee...zus," he breathed. "I just can't believe you. I think I have to sit down." He opened his door, hit the lock button, and got in. I climbed into the passenger seat.

As for me, I could feel the hot flush all over my face. Sure, I'd told Josh I loved him, but it still felt like a bad move to leave myself so completely open, so vulnerable to him. Right now my head was down, my gaze fixed on the floor mat.

Josh said nothing. He started the car and gunned his way out of the parking lot, actually muscling aside a few cars which seemed at first to want to cut him off. No conversation took place as he wheeled his way through several streets, apparently heading for the outskirts of town.

In a few minutes he'd made his way into a park I wasn't all that familiar with, and steered through some progressively smaller dirt roads until we ended up in a clearing overlooking a small lake (actually, much more like a large pond) I didn't even know existed.

He turned off the engine and turned his gaze on me. "I think I'll treasure those words for the rest of my life," he said.

"What words?" I returned, although I knew what he meant.

"Come off it, David. You know. When I asked you what you wanted to do, you said you wanted to be with me. Just like that, not even a second's hesitation. Man, when you make up your mind about something, there's no stopping you. You know that? Just like the way you came aboard me in the shower that day."

He was obviously feeling a lot more comfortable about that than I was. I flushed again. Josh cupped his hand under my chin and pulled me toward him. His mouth met mine hungrily, pulling my tongue in and then sucking on it softly and steadily. I moaned and pressed as much of myself against him as I could manage across the console. Then I caught the gear shift in my crotch.

"God DAMN it!" I yelped, pulling away. Josh tried to suppress a grin, but the effort was doomed to failure. I don't know what it is with guys. I mean, every one of us knows just how it feels to get a sudden poke in the family jewels, and yet there's never any sympathy when one of our fellow men is on the receiving end of one.

I sat there tenderly massaging the affected area. Josh's gaze was riveted on my hand. "Anything I can do to help?" he asked, still smirking.

"Yeah--get me out of this beast!"

"Perhaps it would be safer," he answered, chuckling.

"Yeah, for the car!" I said heatedly.

"Awww... you wouldn't hurt my baby?" he whined.

By this time we were both out of the car and moving toward the water. I looked over at Josh and pouted. "I thought I was your baby," I complained.

Josh shook his head, laughing, and leaned up against a tree. He reached out and pulled me to him, snuggling me into his arms, my back to his front. He put his chin on my shoulder and leaned his head against mine. "There you go again," he said. "Everything you say just sends me into orbit." Although there was no one around, he was speaking in the softest of whispers. He pulled his head back enough to kiss my ear. "Say something else," he murmured.

"Ummm... have you had any spaghetti this month?"

He sputtered with laughter. "You want me to ask the car to savage your balls again?"

"Well, you just got done saying that everything I said sent you into orbit. You mean that didn't?"

I could feel Josh's body shaking with laughter. When he finally got calmed down, he said very simply, "God, I love you."

"And I love you." Our heads came together again, side by side, and we gazed at the water, saying nothing. Josh's arms tightened around me. I could feel his bulge pressing into my ass, but he wasn't hard. And I wasn't aroused. The feeling I had was intense, but it surprised me that there didn't seem to be anything sexual about it. I felt warm, safe, relaxed, and totally loved. I was convinced that I never wanted to move from that spot, never wanted to change the smallest detail of what was going on right then.

I made the smallest motion to rub my cheek against Josh's, feeling the scrape of his light stubble against my smoother cheek. That fetched a large sigh from him, and I felt the swell of his chest against my back. Every nerve in my body seemed to be stretched trying to feel every bit of the guy holding me in his arms. I squirmed, snuggling myself more firmly (as though that were possible) against him. "Don't stop holding me," I breathed.

"I don't dare let go of you," he whispered after a long pause, in which his arms tightened around me, pulling me even closer. "If I did, I would definitely go shooting up to at least the stratosphere."

"Mmm. I like rockets. Especially the fireworks kind. If we waited until dark, and sent you up then, would you make all sorts of neat colors and stuff?"

"I think so. I think I would light up the sky with every color I could think of, and then maybe some that haven't even been invented yet. And for the grand finale, all those streamers of color would start falling back toward the ground, and they would all wrap themselves right around you. Just the way I am now."

My heart just surged in my chest. I brought my hand up and stroked the cheek that wasn't pressed against mine. Not good enough. I twisted around in his arms and pressed myself against him front to front, my mouth instantly finding his and locking to it. But it was a gentle kiss for all that, nothing forced, nothing heavy. I sucked softly on his tongue, then took his lower lip between mine and gently scraped my teeth over it. I actually felt his knees buckle as I did this. I didn't want to overload him, nor did I want to turn this into an open-air orgy. Our time would come, but it would be even more special than this moment.

I pulled back and looked him in the eye. "Josh, thank you."

"What for?"

"You've made me understand what love is."

"Wow," he breathed. "I was thinking that you've done the same for me. You know, that afternoon when..." he staggered for a moment, "... when you ran away from me, I felt so empty when you were gone. I was actually wild when I couldn't find you. I think Mom had to know right then what you meant to me. I can't see how she couldn't."

"She's gotta be cool with it," I answered. "She sure seemed glad to see me when I showed up yesterday."

"What about your folks? Do they suspect anything?"

I snorted. "I think all they manage to suspect is that I'm still around. I mean, they keep leaving me notes, and I think they have to realize that food keeps disappearing out of the fridge. Unless they're convinced it's mice."

Josh laughed shortly, but then said quite seriously, "It can't be so good for you, not having your folks around most of the time. I'm amazed you've turned out as well as you have."

I gave him the eyebrow. "Well, thank you. I think."

Josh smiled his apology. "You know what I mean. I mean, Mom's always there for me. Sure, the thing with Dad hasn't been that great, but Mom means a lot to me."

"Yeah, I can see that. I really like your mom. I think she knows where it's all at. She's a cool lady."

"Well, she can be your mom too," said Josh. "I'd like to share her with you."

I reached out and stroked his cheek again. "Man, that'd be so cool." We leaned together for awhile, just soaking each other in some more. I buried my face in the angle between Josh's neck and his shoulder and just breathed him in. Josh slowly rubbed his head back and forth against mine. His hands worked a slow path up and down my back, occasionally dropping to my ass and pulling our crotches tighter together. I started to feel him hardening against me, which of course caused me instantly to do the same. My mouth moved against his neck, sucking on him. This was getting dangerous. What to do?

I pulled myself back, snapped him in the balls with a quick flip of the wrist, and ran like hell.

The yelp followed me along the water's edge. I stopped and looked back. Behind me, Josh was hobbling along in pursuit, one hand clutching his crotch. He wasn't making a whole lot of headway, but he was trying hard. I laughed until the tears ran down my face. We men can be such assholes.

Josh came on. He would straighten up, take a step, and then immediately bend over, hand clutching at himself. God, you would think I'd hit him hard or something. I guess some guys are just more sensitive than others. But it was comical to watch.

I wondered how soon I should let him catch me. The retribution didn't worry me. We weren't all that far from my house, actually, if I had to walk home. But I doubted it would come to that. I didn't run any more, just stood there and waited for Josh to hobble up to me. As he came within range I called out, "You poor guy! What on earth is the matter?"

He snarled. He actually snarled. Like a wolf, almost. I guess that expression "getting you right where you live" is actually true. I pushed my luck. "Would you like some help with that?"

He snarled some more, and reached out and cuffed me on the head. I took it. I figured I'd hurt him more than his car had hurt me. I wrapped my arm around his shoulder, pulled him into me, and put my other hand on the back of his neck, pulling his head onto my shoulder. That way I was leaving myself fully exposed to his reach, but I owed him. "I'm sorry, my love."

I felt him relax. "You just redeemed yourself," he said quietly, and actually quite seriously. My heart surged in me again. His arms came around me. "I was going to ask you to kiss them and make them better, but that would get us into something I think we both want to keep for later."

"Yup, later and better," I answered. I kissed his cheek and mussed his hair. "We should get going, don't you think? I'm getting hungry."

"Yeah, me too. I'd like to ask you back to my place, but I think Dad would find that kinda funny."

"Nice thought, but I think my parents are actually home this evening, so I should put in an appearance."

We walked back to the car, Josh's stride lengthening and straightening out as we went. The ride back was quiet, his hand on mine on the gearshift the whole way. We pulled up in front of my place. Josh gave a casual glance around, then leaned over and kissed me. It lingered a little, but not long.

"I'm actually going to enjoy hearing my alarm go off in the morning," he said, "because that'll mean it won't be long before I see you again."

"I'll be feeling exactly the same," I answered. "Don't doubt it for a moment."

He gazed at me for a long time, then said, "David, I... I love you so much."

"I don't think you can outdo me in that department. I love you every bit as much."

His hand stroked mine, then took it and placed it on his crotch. I could feel his cock rearing up under his jeans. He didn't say anything. I just sat there feeling his heat coming through the cloth and into my hand. Then he moved my hand back over the console and let go. "See ya," he said, kind of mournfully.

"Yeah," I sort of choked out, and opened my door. I looked back in to see him still gazing after me. "I'll be dreaming of you," I whispered.

"Me too."

"Bye."

"Bye."

I finally got the door closed, and Josh pulled away. This time, slowly. I could see him checking his rearview mirror for a glimpse of me as he moved down the street. I didn't move a muscle until he turned a corner and was gone.

I guess I knew what love was now.