CHAPTER THREE
The hangover is probably the worst I have ever felt in my entire life. I mean not only the puking (which by the way sucks in itself), it's the headache, the taste of ass' in your mouth that accompanies the day after drinking, the sleep-deprivation, the shakes, the stupid' feeling and the complete loss of control that your mind has. I guess it's the body's form of revenge for entering so many toxins into the system. Anyway, for the first time ever, I was experiencing these symptoms, and being much better acquainted with the toilet. I sue must of drank a lot, because there seems to be a lot coming out.
Anyway, after the second batch of vomiting, Matt came in to join me, to check out how I was doing. "You had a rough night, eh buddy?"
I mean if looks could kill, Matt would of fallen over dead at that point. Just as I was about to respond, round two was not over. Throughout this, Matt just stood there watching, mumbling something that I couldn't really hear, while I wished I were the one that was dead.
After I determined that I was not going to be sick anymore, I wanted to go to my own bed to sleep. However, Matt insisted I shower. Being too weak and tired to argue, I showered. It was more like standing in the shower. Don't get the wrong idea. Matt was not in the shower with me, I did have enough energy to make him leave at the time. After the shower, I went back to bed. My own bed this time.
Several hours later, I awoke to find Matt sitting at a chair near my bed in my room, just watching me. I thought to myself `I am going to have to start using the lock on the bog door to keep him out.' I was not totally 100%, but the hangover was only a mild memory, with only a tiny headache lingering.
"Do you want some toast, or Juice? I figured that you may want something safe in your stomach as you're probably running on empty." Matt called.
I nodded with a faint smile and grabbed a piece of toast and a glass of Orange Juice. I must admit, it was the best tasting toast ever, and went back to eat the remainder. After I had my food that Matt brought me, the questions came.
"What the fuck happened last night" Matt asked
"I kinda got drunk, couldn't you tell by the fucking hangover I had this morning." Matt got out of his chair. "Wait sorry Matt, I am kinda not in the best of moods this morning." I did feel bad.
"Besides stating the obvious, the question still remains, what the fuck happened last night." Matt asked again.
I was really trying to avoid answering the question, as I really had no idea to the answer myself, or maybe I did and didn't want to share with Matt. I responded "unsure really, how did I end up in your bed."
"Well, I got a call from you at 4 am this morning from the local frat house (frats in Canada are unofficial, not like the US) and you were not making much sense. You really kept babbling incoherently about stuff. I pretty much got Matt, drunk, Tom Collins, and shirt. Anyway, I asked where you were, but such a surprise, you were not much help. You kept saying that you were in a house beside the road."
I just shook my head in disgust as Matt continued on.
"Anyway, you eventually passed the phone to someone else who was able to tell me where you were. I got out of bed, dressed, came to the frat party and got you. At first, you didn't want to go with me, but eventually you got bored and came home with me."
"That still doesn't explain how I ended in your bed"
"Well, I saw how drunk you were, and how it was your first time drinking and all, I got really worried. I had no idea how drunk you were but I knew it had to be quite a bit for a big guy like you, so I wanted to keep you where I could see you. I must of woke up every hour to make sure you were still breathing."
"I am fine, you see, well maybe not 100%, but you really need not worry about me. I am fine."
"Then why did you get drunk last night? If you are so fine?" Matt asked coldly.
That was enough for me, and just got up and walked out my door. As I was leaving, I thought to myself, where was I going. That was my room, and I left. Unsure of when he would leave, or if he'd come back, I decided to go out for a bit. I got on the next bus to the nearest city, to go and clear my mind, and thought I could pick up a few more things on the way.
The mall was alright I guess, got a cool lamp for my room, but all I could think of was Matt. Why couldn't I get him out of my head? I mean that kiss is all I think about, except for last night. As that last part crossed my mind, the liquor store as right in front of me, and in the current state that I was in, it seemed like the only way to get it off my mind. I entered the store and bought some whisky, as I had no clue what to buy, and this stuff looked fancy.
I then went back to my room, went through my phone messages, finding out I completely forgot about Cub Scouts that night that I was volunteering for, and hit the bottle. I opened the bottle and took a swig. This was a bad idea, as it burned the whole way down. I thought to myself, there must be an easier way. Unable to come up with one (no I didn't think of mix), I just kept drinking.
An hour later, one of the girls on my floor came knocking. I looked through the door's spy hole and opened happily. Maybe I was a little too happy. As I slurred "what's up", she was like "Are you drunk?" I responded "Noooo!", but she just turned around and left. I was a little confused, but I really didn't care.
Then another knock on the door came. I thought `I wonder what she wants now.' I opened the door and surprise, it was Matt again.
"What the fuck, you're drinking again." Matt exclaimed
"Fuck off, and leave me alone Matt. "
"No, this time I am not backing down. What the fuck are you doing?"
"Who the fuck do you think you are preaching about being sober? You're certainly a fine one to talk, asshole." and with that I punched him. I went for the face. However, my aim sucked hardcore, or maybe my drunken co-ordination, but Matt caught my fist and held it.
"Jared, do you know why I have been drinking so much? Its because I am Gay. Yeah, that's right I am a faggot." I cringed at that word and pulled my hand away.
"The thing is Jared, I am so scared the team will find out, I have to do whatever it takes not to be noticed, like take chicks home, or drink my sorrows away. What's your excuse."
"I just discovered I like it. I like alcohol, its great! I have been missing out all these years."
"Your missing shit, that's what. Jared, I am worried about you. You went from never touching, totally against the stuff, to being drunk twice in a 24-hour period. Alcoholism is in your family, you said so yourself. I am just worried."
"Don't be. I shouldn't be a concern of yours."
" It is because I love you." and he did it again. He kissed me. This one lasted a little longer than the first, and I was more receptive this time. I felt so great, a real connection. The bond that I had felt before was there but getting stronger. It all worked out until I felt his tongue press mine. Then like a shock, I pulled away, and tears started to come. "Matt I need you to leave."
"But Jared, its ok, you don't have to be ashamed. I can help you."
"You really don't get it do you? I am so fucking confused its not funny. I was kissing you and I liked it. I wasn't supposed to like it. You're a guy. I can't stop thinking about you, I can't sleep or eat, and all over a guy. It's like my whole reality is coming crashing around me, and there is nothing I can do about it. Which is up, which way is down, I don't know, but all I do know is that I really need to be alone right now."
"Jared, you need someone though. I can be there for you."
As the tears came out quite hard, I begged "Matt, please leave. I need some time to be with my thoughts."
Looking extremely worried, Matt look at me, gave my hand a squeeze and left. And then it happened. I never cried so hard in my life.