'Two Way Conversation' by DCG
############### DISCLAIMER #############
Here we go again...This in no way insinuates anything about anyone in any circumstance and should not be read by those banned by law and those who don't for one reason or another like this stuff...It's man on man 'stuff' by the way!!(By the way...this is an NSync story...how could it be anything else...)
Authors Notes: Hey there everyone. As my internet connection failed me for the last 8 weeks I thought I'd put a little story together for you all...This thing as been ringing through my head since 31st Jan (JRT's B'Day) and now I have come to point of putting it down in words...This is only gonna be a 5 chapter thingimibob so enjoy it while it lasts... that's unless you all like `totally' want me to continue it!! lol
Anyhoo...enjoy!
'Two Way Conversation' by DCG From a crystal lake upon mountain high To the lowest cut of the fresh green grass You and me are twinned by heart... Chapter 1 - Monday the 28th - 'Born on a Monday' The afternoon was a hot one and Justin revelled in it. He was asleep on the back lawn of the house the band had rented in LA for a few weeks. It was January the 28, a Monday and his 21st birthday was fast approaching. He had come to a conclusion some weeks ago that his birthday would herald a new beginning, for him and someone else. He so wanted that new beginning to be a good one, one that the other person would grasp on to and hold like it was more important than life itself. But that was the stumbling block for him. He had for years held a torch for this person, his one and only, but had never acted upon it. He saw him every day but never once succumbed to the temptation. His friendship was far too important to Justin for him to jeopardize it. But that was three years ago, and the days were getting longer and his willpower was fading by the second. Justin went as far as to find excuses now and again to be away from him. He didn't want to be away from his side, but he couldn't stand being next to it either, without being able to hold his hand to his own and feel the warmth and love that laid therein. He knew this didn't go down well with him. They survived on each others happiness. That was one of the reasons for their closeness, and the friendship that developed. Because they spent most of their formative years in the public eye and away from home they lacked the family togetherness a natural family brought, and this brought on sadness, especially for Justin. So they kept together, they were and still are considered inseparable because one gives the other happiness, and they feed off each other. It isn't and never was as selfish as it sounds, they would give each other anything. At least Justin has thought they would, because he didn't know if his true love would. Justin awoke several hours later and realized the sun had begun it's descent into the horizon. The day was drawing to a close and the fact that he had done absolutely nothing of any constructive value that day put a smile on his face. It took him a moment before it registered with him that the others were still not around. They have gone off at varying times during the day to do their own things, with other people. It grated with Justin slightly that they chose to leave him at home alone, but then he knew that he was being selfish for even thinking it. The selfishness he couldn't avoid was the that he felt towards JC. Their inseparability was a key to their relationship and JC wasn't there. He knew that they were getting older and Justin didn't need or require JC's guidance, as the world saw, but to Justin, he would always need that closeness, that camaraderie, that love, the love he always thought of inside. He wandered into the house and sat down on the sofa, not thinking to check the house for other people. His mind was cluttered with all manner of thoughts and that one didn't pop into his mind at all, so he was startled when Lance coughed lightly to signal his presence... Justin jumped slightly but quickly settled back into his thoughts once he knew it was only Lance. Lance perched on the edge of the sofa and looked down on Justin. "You look like your in another world there Justin!" It took a moment for Justin to drag himself from within his thoughts to yet again speak to Lance "Am I?...sorry, just thinking." answered Justin making it perfectly clear to Lance that he wasn't all there, that his mind was completely on other things... Justin picked up the remote and turned on the TV, and tuned it MTV. The edition of the MTV news was on, and it caught Justin's attention straight away. His face drained of all feeling and emotion instantaneously. His jaw dropped slightly as if his mind couldn't process what his eyes were seeing. The remote control slowly slipped through Justin's grip and glided over his fingers until it reached fresh air and fell to the floor. The clatter of it hitting the floor shook Lance from his thoughts as he continued to stare at Justin, trying to work him out. He immediately followed Justin's unmoving gaze to the TV screen and the distant voice of Carson Daly and his associates as he relayed the news. It took a moment for it to register, but when it did, his gaze was also unmoving... Lance felt some sort of pride for a moment as he looked on at the scene developing in front of his eyes on TV. Justin, felt feelings that were teetering on the other edge, they were feelings of regret, disgust, and above all, envy. For on screen, for all the viewing world to see was JC, their friend and brother, embracing, kissing, 'with', another person. He was with Bobbie, the Bobbie people had always said he was with without asking any questions. She was beautiful and debonair. She was everything Lance expected her to be, because he knew JC deserved to be loved by someone like her. She was everything Justin despised. She was beautiful, he considered himself not. She was loved, he was not. She was with JC, he was not, and that was what grated at his psyche the most. She had got to the core of Joshua Scott Chasez, and he hadn't. Justin sat for a few more moments, staring at the screen, trying to convince himself that it wasn't real, but as much as he tried, the more it reinforced the truth. JC was with someone else. But those few moment passed quickly and Justin couldn't help himself. He leapt off the Sofa and headed up the stairs to his room for some peace and quiet, and for some time to think. Time to think about himself, his future, and how he would react to JC when he returned. His exit caught Lance off guard as he turned his attention away from the subsequent news that was featured on the programme. All he saw was the back of Justin turn the corner at the top of the stairs and go out of sight. Lance didn't read anything into this...for he didn't see the tears streaking down Justin's cheeks as he made his way to the stairs, and as he ascended them to his private place...to think. Once there Justin stopped at the edge of his bed. For years he had held this torch for this one person. he had held this love for JC for years and always thought that it might come true. He had never prepared himself for the fall though. he hadn't prepared himself for the possibility that JC was straight, and not interested. With this fact spilling into Justin's mind he let his knees give way, and his feelings and fell to the soft cushion of his bed and sobbed uncontrollably into the sheets... "I can't have him!" exclaimed Justin in a whimper as he then buried his face deeper into the covers... Across the city JC had a phone to his ear, and awaited a reply... The snippet of news blazoned across the screens of millions had been an hour before and JC looked edgy. His eyes occasionally darted from one thing to another, from a passing bus, to a stranger casting a glance his way. Everything that moved seemed to catch his attention as the ringing tone of the call continued through his ears... "Yeah, mom it's me, can we talk?" "I saw you on TV today Josh, I saw you with Bobbie, kissing!" stated Karen in a motherly tone. JC flinched at her statement of the obvious. His glance shot to another stranger passing by. "I know, I think everyone knows now. They all think me and Bobbie are back together." stated JC, his voice cracking slightly. Telling himself this, out aloud again didn't help but to reinforce the truth. "Son, they didn't know you had already broken up with her...They don't know everything, only me, you and Bobbie know everything..." "But she kissed me!" said JC, his frustration increasing, the sweat across his brow multiplying "I can tell that in the pictures...Don't worry, we've covered this already...I know it doesn't look like what it seems..." reassured Karen to her distraught Son. She could sense the fear in his tone. And more importantly, she knew why. "Thanks Mom...Thanks for making it seem better. Do you think..." JC was about to ask before Karen interrupted him... "Yes...always yes.!" finished Karen and a smile as wide as an ocean top appeared across JC's face... "I love you mom, bye" "Bye Josh!" Across LA, Joey and Chris were enjoying one of their usual afternoon jaunts around the attractions that this city had to offer. They had been `at it' for hours on end and the inevitable boredom was beginning to seep in. The sights of the city, that in the morning had delighted and amazed them, had now become somewhat of a bore. They had visited this city many times before and although they liked it very much, the novelty wore off after a while. Chris perched himself on the edge of his car and awaited Joey's return from the restroom. Moments later Joey exited the public convenience with a decidedly bemused look plastered across his face. He looked spaced out as he approached the car, not noticing Chris or anything else around him for a short while. "Earth to Joe, wake up Joe!" Exclaimed Chris as he waved his hand animatedly in front of Joey' eyes... Joey then suddenly snapped out of daze and looked at Chris. "You are not gonna believe what I just heard!" "Go on, you know you wanna tell me." laughed Chris, knowing Joey wouldn't be able to keep it to himself. At this point they both decided silently that they would get in the car... "I just saw JC on the TV and he was with Bobbie!" stated Joey as if that was all that needed to be said... "And? He has hung around with her before!" asked Chris "No, he was *with* her!" finished Joey, and Chris got it! His face contorted into complete surprise. "Yeah, but I thought that..." started Chris. "Me too!" finished Joey, and with that they sped off with questions buzzing in their mind that only JC could answer. The darkness had almost enveloped the surrounding city and Joey and Chris had just parked up in the drive. Only two cars apart from their own perched in the driveway. They were Justin's and Lance's...They had both expected JC to have returned by now, at least to try and explain what everyone had seen on TV. But then it dawned on Joey, he couldn't explain it, at least not to Justin and Lance. Joey and Chris knew JC's secret, and the reasons behind his split with Bobbie. No-one knew that they knew but they did. It was two years previous and they were both horsing around as usual in the back garden of Justin's house in Orlando. The sun was beaming down hot rays and the guys were enjoying a soak in the pool, all except for JC. He was on the phone, upstairs. Chris happened to glance the way of the bedroom window to which JC was in and saw him, perched on the sill, phone in hand, having a very heated and emotional conversation with somebody. Chris shot Joey a look, and Joey followed Chris' gaze until he saw himself. They paused a moment before making their excuses and exiting the pool and going into the house. They alighted the stairs and stood outside the room to which JC was having the conversation. The strained to listen as the voice within the room became shallower and less easy to hear and understand...Chris and Joey looked at each other for a moment to try and gauge if the other had happened to hear something they missed, but they each shrugged their shoulders, and it was met with... "Bobbie...I'm Gay!" coming from the mouth of JC, in the room. Joey and Chris froze like statues there and then. The ability to move had evaded them as they continued to stare at each other. 'JC's gay?' was the prevailing though running around and around inside their mind...That was until it was shattered with a loud thump and a muffled cry... Back in the present, Joey and Chris made their way inside and walked straight into an icy room. They could feel the coldness of the surroundings as they opened the front door and made their way into a room filled with their three band mates, the rest of their brotherhood. Justin sat alone, on a love seat, looking at nothing but empty space in front of his eyes. Lance sat next to JC and looked uncomfortable as he shifted his gaze from JC to Justin, not knowing quite what to do. JC sat, like Justin, in silence. His day had been one to mark on the calendar as one to forget, but he knew it wouldn't be that easy. His gaze met with the floor, fearing that if he raised it, he would have to explain the redness that had appeared around his eyes. He also feared explaining his liaison with Bobbie to Justin, and to rest of the guys. Even though at the back of his mind, he knew they considered it a normal thing, and something to celebrate, but not for him, not for JC...it was something to dread. Silence prevailed for a moment until Joey and Chris saw Lances' shoulders visibly lighten as he saw them enter. It was as if a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders with them being there. "You took your time guys." laughed Lance as he tried to break the icy atmosphere that had trapped the room... Joey was about to sit down when Chris pulled on his elbow and motioned to Lance for him to follow his lead. "Give me a hand in the kitchen guys, I think it's our turn to cook!" said Chris as he searched for an excuse to speak to Joey and Lance without Justin and JC. Cooking was not the best idea in the world because he rarely did it, but he had said it already so he would have to live with it. Both Justin and JC raised their heads slightly at the comment, both with the same thought running through their heads `Cooking? Chris?', but as they turned back away from their exiting friends they met each others gaze...Those few fleeting moments felt like an eternity. Both men felt a twang of emotion run through their eyes and minds as this moment continued... Justin felt both betrayed and alone...but he also felt guilt. JC didn't know of Justin's feelings and shouldn't feel bad about it either, but Justin couldn't help these overwhelming feelings deep inside. JC felt nothing but pure guilt. He had betrayed his feelings towards Justin. He was in love with Justin, wholeheartedly, and he let Bobbie violate them. It wasn't his fault really, because he didn't see it coming and he didn't instigate it, but he felt the guilt anyway, and it was something he couldn't shake... As those moments passed, they both looked away...back to their oh so interesting floors and ceilings. No communication having been made between these two best friends and no communication attempted, leaving them both alone together in silence. In the kitchen Chris walked to the cooker and stopped, and turned around to see a bemused Lance and a cooking ready Joey. "What are we having then?" questioned Joey, completely oblivious to Chris' intentions... "You never cook, so it can't be a simple as that!" pointed out Lance, who being the logical and thinky person of the group, now knew that something was the matter. Having spent the last hour before their arrival sat between 2 uncommunicative best friends had made him see that. And the fact that Chris excluded them both from this only served to increase the fact... "Take Justin somewhere Lance." ordered Chris...His voice was strong and authoritarian, and it took both Lance and Joey aback. But Lance knew to go and do what he was asked to do. Whenever Chris got into this sort of mood, you could do no worse than to defy his will. "You need to talk to JC?" questioned Lance. He was completely oblivious to the reasons, he just wanted clarification... "Yeah, and it would be best if Justin wasn't about." answered Chris. "Ok then, I'll take him out for a few hours, to a club or something, but I want an explanation when we get back." followed up Lance. He hated being outside the `loop' as far as information was concerned. He prided himself on knowing everything about everything, that would affect these five guys...It was a task he took to naturally. He was also concerned that Justin was being excluded...but for what he reason he was yet to find out... Chris just said `ok' and Lance left...a muffled conversation was heard in the background as Lance somehow managed to coax Justin out without JC tagging along. Chris maintained his stance for a moment. Random thoughts were running through his mind. He wasn't used to this fatherly role that circumstance had forced upon him, but he was going to do what he could anyway. He looked at Joey and laughed inside. Joey was looking straight at him, with a questioning look in his eyes. Joey was never the most forward thinking of individuals, but even Chris had to admit that Joey was right when he demanded that they tell JC they knew all that time ago. But now wasn't the time to think about the past and Chris knew that. "I think we better go talk to JC." uttered Chris to Joey as he made a beeline for the door... Meanwhile, in Lance's car...Justin had finally had enough. Lance had dragged him out of the house to go `clubbing' but had invited no-one else. He hadn't spoken at all yet and that just wasn't like Lance. "Are you gonna tell me what's going on here Lance?" questioned Justin "Just felt like going out that all." answered Lance. Justin knew straight away something was awry. Lance never had no reason for going somewhere. It was like a military operation to Lance, everything. Even clubbing as a social activity had some constructive undercurrent to Lance. It might help with PR, or the group were getting tired of the schedule so needed a release, or whatever...There was never a `just felt like going out' line in Lances vocabulary. But Justin didn't follow it up, he just shrugged acceptance and sat back in his seat. Lance moments later leaned forward and clicked on the radio and it immediately tuned to the local radio station. It was a late night discussion programme...and the topic couldn't have been worse... `Well now listeners...we have been inundated with calls regarding a little news segment on MTV today. I hope everyone got to see it.' `We'll be going to callers in a minute but lets hear what the NSync manager Johnny Wright had to say on MTV today in response to this story...' All the could be heard in the small gap between segments was the large intake of breath from Justin. He had just put this to one side after spending the majority of the last couple of hours crying to himself in his room. This night out with Lance, however dubious, would give him the ability to forget it for a while, or at least not to dwell on it. But he knew what was coming...he knew what Johnny was going to say before he even said it. He was going to do what every manager would do in his situation. He wasn't going to confirm it, but he wasn't going to deny it either...Justin waited for what seemed like an eternity as the tape clicked on with Johnny words encased within...For Lance it was a mere second... 'I cannot comment on JC's personal life. I think everything was there for people to see, don't you. I doubt there is much I could add. (laughs) I doubt people would believe me if I said it weren't true now would they?...All I can say is, there are other availables in the band (laughs, again)...so don't abandon them just yet.' And the tape clicked off and that was it. That was the sucker punch for Justin. Johnny had always been the best of managers, making sure the band got the best of everything they could. He always made sure that they got the exposure they required and they had the creative freedom they desired when they joined JIVE records. But right now, that didn't matter to Justin. His career was always a high priority, but over the years it increasingly took second place to his feelings for JC, until recently where it exclusively took second place behind those same feelings...Justin had more than enough money to keep himself comfortable for the rest of his life, so that wasn't a good enough reason to put career above JC. He had already experienced a lifetimes worth of emotions, and he had certainly taken and used his inflated fifteen minutes of fame, so that wasn't a good enough reason to put it above JC either... "Way to go Johnny!" laughed Lance as he rejoiced in Johnny's apparent change in tactic. In the past, relationships were considered the devils battleground as far as the music industry and Johnny Wright were concerned. So now Lance saw a change, a laxing of the rules, and he was happy for JC, really happy. He thought Justin would be to...that's until he turned to Justin, the smile still plastered across his own face to see a tear...a small but glistening tear glide it's way down his cheek, and with that, the smile on Lances' face disappeared completely...But he didn't say anything...not a word...he turned the radio off, he returned his gaze to the road and continued driving, making a note to talk to Justin...and try and get him to make it a two way conversation...as they made their merry way to the club... Back in the house, Chris and Joey had made their way back to the living room to see JC not there...They looked around for a moment before coming to conclusion that JC was nowhere to bo found... "I'll go check upstairs for him...you wait here?" asked Joey as they stood in the center of the room... Chris just nodded and sat down, dejectedly on the sofa...Joey meanwhile started to make his way up the stairs to JCs room, where he was sure he would be. Joey had deliberately suggested he go up and find JC...Joey had for all that time, suggested that they (him and Chris) tell JC about what they knew, but Chris was a strong willed person when he wanted to be, and Joey found himself unable to fight him, or atleast convince him to do the right thing. This was the opportunity Joey had waited for. He knew how Chris would handle it, he would be overbearing about it...it was just how Chris was, and Joey didn't hold anything against him for it, far from it. But this wasn't the time for an overbearing, father figure to tell you what to do and tell you what to feel... Joey reached JCs door and it was partially open. He looked past the ridge of light to see JC stood at the window looking outwards into the night sky...his head fixed on the moon and it's splendour. Joey silently made his way into the room, and made his way to JCs side, and put his hand on JCs shoulder, as a silent sign of support. Joey could see that JC didn't want words to echo through the void, and if he did, JC himself would be the first person to break that silence... JC felt the hand and knew that his secret would have to come out now or he would crumble under the pressure...He knew it probably looked unusual for someone to look this down, the same day they had been with someone like Bobbie...but like he had kept telling himself for the past few hours...Bobbie wasn't for him, no woman was...no man was...only Justin, but he didn't know if he could tell anyone...A look of confusion and apprehension crossed his face as he turned his head halfway to meet the gaze of Joey... Joey saw the look and knew...He could see JC wanting to tell him, but he could see the words retreating back into JC every time he tried...Joey decided to take the initiative, to cease the moment, to life the fear of rejection from JC's shoulders... "You don't need to tell me JC." reassured Joey "I've got to tell someone..." pleaded JC as his eyes began clouding up... "You don't need to tell me...I've known for a while!" finalised Joey as he turned JC towards him...He looked directly into JC's eyes and continued... "Me and Chris know your gay JC...We've known for a while...I think I've always known..." JC suddenly tried to break into the speech but Joey merely placed a finger over JC's lips and gestured him to listen...and Joey continued... "and no, you don't need to worry yourself...cause your one of my four best friends and you always will be...We knew the Bobbie thing was a put on by her, she's like that...she always has been" JC shoulders visibly lightened. He didn't know how Joey and Chris had found out, but right now he didn't care. All he cared about was that he was ok, and accepted. Joey was still stood in-front of JC with his hand still perched comforting on JC's shoulder...and JC took this as his opportunity and grabbed hold of Joey and hugged him tightly... "Thank-you Joe...thanks" whispered JC into Joeys receptive ear Joey pulled back after a few minutes to see JC wipe his eyes dry of the small trickle of happy tears that had graced his cheeks... "Now we just have to figure out how to get you and Justin together!"...Said Joey, to no-one but himself...There we go...Monday 28th January...and JC's feelings finally get aired...but what will happen when Tuesday comes around? What will happen to Justin at the Club? What will Joey concoct for JC? How will Lance react when he finds out the truth? Do I wish I was in-between the bitch-slapping going on between Brit and Justin in that LA nightclub??? (only the sadistic bit!! lol)
I hope chapter 1 was a pleasant diversion...and I hope you will all click and type me and email to give me encouragement and feedback...(whether it be good or bad I don't mind!!)
Just a note that Chapter 7 of Sins & Saviors is still going strong but will be a while before it is out unfortunately...I suspect at-least a week before it reaches that fab David at Nifty...so please be patient!!
Chap 2 by the way will be out tomorrow or the day after!!
Luv and Hugs and email !! (grimstone@btinternet.com)
DCG