Unbroken By: Nathan Pettersen
--------------------|~*~|--------------------
Disclaimer: Well, here we go again with the disclaimer stuff. This story is fiction. Any resemblance of it in your life is just coincidence. Also, not much sex stuff is going on in here, so if you're only going to read this because of that, then you might as well go. And of course the undying theme, if you're disgusted by Boys love, or are underage, you might as well go too. (I don't mind about the underage thing, if you want to read this, I can't stop you.:))
AND YOU GUYS! DON'T FORGET TO DONATE! IF YOU ALL ARE ENJOYING ALL THE STORIES HERE AT NIFTY, SHOULDN'T WE AT LEAST CONTRIBUTE IN ORDER FOR THE SITE TO BE HERE??? :D
--------------------|~*~|-------------------- Unbroken Chapter 4: Lightweight
Here I am, sitting at the back of the stage. The contest is starting in 30 minutes and Denise is not here. She's supposed to be here right now. Where is she? I've called her twice now and she's not picking up. We've been practicing hard for this day. She has to be here. I can't do this alone. What's her problem, though? Whatever it is, she's supposed to be here. Damn, I have my own problems and I'm here for fucks sake.
~~~~2 weeks ago~~~~
It's Friday and I'm on school. Finally, last day of school before the weekend!! I met and had three friends today. This is improvement because, well, I'm not that friendly. The only friends I've got since the beginning is Denise and Daniel. Over the past week I've got Jonathan and Henry too. See? I've only got four friends. Well, moving on. I met them at English class today. We had to do a group activity and Mr. Orlando assigned the groups, so I have no choice but to work with them. Well, I really enjoyed working with them. They're so funny. Their names are Mike, Jessie and Phillip. Mike is 6'3 and has blond hair. He's with the football team, so I bet he knows Daniel. He's a hunk. But I can't tap that even if I can cause he's with Jessie. Jessie though is such a geek. She's 5'10 and has brunette hair with those geek glasses. They're so cute together. Jessie and Lindsay are in the Math Club together. And then there's Phillip. He's 5'11 and has black hair. He's always quiet, but I got him to laugh. And trust me, he has an infectious laugh. And that made me forget about my problem a little. So now we had this one big group at the lunch table; Me, Denise, Daniel, Jonathan, Henry, Lindsay, Mike, Jessie and Phillip. I think I just came out of my shell. I can't believe I can socialize like this. (You guys, this is important, over the past years I only got Denise and Daniel, and I think it's time for a change.)
I've been hanging out with Jonathan lately. I ran out of reasons not to hang out with him. He's so persistent. Last Tuesday we went to the arcade. And last Thursday we went to the movies and watched `This Means War'. I kind of regret the days when I say no to his invitations. I have so much fun every time we hang out. But at the same time there's the feeling that I should have just continued saying no to him. I think I'm falling for him even more. The way he talks, the way he laughs, everything he does is just so fucking great. It's so easy to fall for him actually. I wonder why he doesn't have a girlfriend. I don't want him to have a girlfriend. I want him all for myself. Well, this is bad. I can't do this. I like to have his friendship, but I want more. I can't just see his greatness everyday and do nothing about it. I want to hold him, to touch him, to kiss his lips and everything. But I can't do that. I don't even know how he will react if he finds out that I'm gay. Imagine him finding out that I'm gay AND I have feelings for him. He would so freak and tell me that I have to stay away from him. So I have three choices. Tell him my I'm gay and I have feelings for him, don't tell anything at all and stay friends or just avoid him completely. The first choice is so not happening. But I don't know which is the hardest, choice number 2 or choice number 3. Either way, I have to do something. I can't stay like this forever. This is tearing me up completely.
After school I went to the mall with Mike, Jessie and Phillip. I asked Lindsay to come, but she said that she have to come home early, so maybe next time. I got tired of going to the mall with Denise and Daniel. I am really just a third wheel for those two. It's good to change a little.
"Are you ok, Adrian?" Jessie asked. It seems that they sensed my quietness.
"Yeah, I'm okay" I replied. I really don't want to bother them with my problems since I just met them today.
"Are you sure?" she asked again.
"Yeah, don't worry about me, okay?" I said.
"Sure." Jessie replied. By that I was alone in my own thoughts again.
After the mall, I said goodbye to them and went to Denise's house to plan what song to sing in the contest. It's in about two weeks. So we better hurry to decide which song and prepare everything. After a long discussion with her and Daniel, we finally decided which song to sing. All I've got to do is to learn to play it in the guitar. And we can practice with it. The song was Daniels idea. He heard Denise singing it once and he totally loved it. The song is really good. It's about being vulnerable when falling in love. I've listened to it and fell in love with it. I think we're going to do well in that concert.
I went straight to my room when I came home. I just want to lie on my bed and fall asleep. I'm still can't figure out what to do with this thing with Jonathan. I can't escape this feeling now. I've fallen deeply in love with him. I don't know what to do. If I stay friends with him, it'll just hurt. If I avoid him, it'll hurt too. This is just so hard. Somebody help me, please! I felt so helpless by these things, that I just started crying. I don't even know when I fell asleep. But I was sure with one thing, I fell asleep crying.
I woke up with a headache. I was so glad that it was Saturday today, wondering why? I look like a mess. My eyes are so red. If I had school I wouldn't have come. I should change the covers of my bed too. It's wet from the crying I did last night. Damn I did a good number of crying huh? I looked around in my room and noticed that it was really messy. It's time for me to clean up. Have to get off my mind with this problem I'm having.
It's been two hours since I started cleaning up my room. God, it was such a mess. But everything's clear now. I changed my sheets and everything. My room is spotless. I need a bath though. I'm really a mess right now. I went to the bathroom and took a shower. When I came back to my room, I checked my phone and noticed two missed calls and one message. It was all from the same person, Jonathan. I opened the message and he was asking me if I can come and hang out at his house today. I just replied that I can't and turned my phone off. I just can't face him right now. I guess I'll just avoid him for now. I'm such a coward. But what can I do? Every time I see him and thinking that I can't ever have him, it'll just hurt me more that I'm hurting now. I guess one sided love really is hurtful.
I continued to ignore Jonathan the next week. I didn't answer his calls, never replied to his texts and ignore him at school. By Wednesday I think he got the idea that I don't want to hang out with him anymore, and he just backed off. If you just have seen the look on his face the last time he asked me to hang out and I said no. It's.. heart breaking. I can't believe how selfish I'm being right now. I feel really bad. But what am I suppose to do? I can't just like turn off what I'm feeling and get back to the way it's supposed to be. What I'm doing is for the best, right? But, why does it hurt even more?
It's now Friday and I'm at Denises' house. We're practicing for the contest. It's going to be on Monday. So we only have two days to rehearse. I learned how to play the song on the guitar last Wednesday, and we've been practicing after school since. I still feel guilty about the way I've treated Jonathan. I feel sorry for him, but I can't turn back down now. I guess Denise notice that I was being quiet that usual, since she asked me if I was okay.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just nervous is all" I answered.
"Nervous? Since when have you been nervous? I think it's something else." she retorted.
"Yeah. I guess you're right" she really can read me.
"Want to tell me about it?" she asked and I just broke down. I guess I've been holding it and can't take it anymore. Denise came to me and gave me a hug.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
"I should have listened to you. I fell for him" I said.
"Oh, Adrian" she just hold me there and comforted me. It began to feel awkward so I said to her that we're done for today and I'll come tomorrow for more practice. She just nodded her head and told me that I would be okay. I hope so, because it's beginning to hurt so much. When I came home I receive a message from Jonathan:
"What did I do to you for you to ignore me like this?" I just started crying again. I'm sorry Jonathan. I'm really sorry.
The next day I woke up with a headache again. I don't want to leave my bed for now. So I just took my iPod and listened to some songs. Then Adele's `Someone Like You' came on. And I couldn't help but sing along. When I finished singing the song I looked at the door and saw that Denise was standing by the door.
"DENISE!" I screamed. Nobody has heard me singing before. I was so embarrassed.
"Wow. Your voice is really great." She told me.
"Stop it. What are you doing here?" I asked.
"Well, by the things that went on yesterday. I think my bestfriend needs me right now." she said. I just stood up and gave her a hug.
"Thank you" I said.
"You're welcome. Daniel wanted to come too, but they have practice today. When I told him yesterday he wanted to come over right then. I just told him that you needed some time alone."
"You guys are the best, you know that?" I told her.
"I know. Don't forget that when you're down, we're here to catch your sorry ass." She smiled at me. We just goofed around and stuff in my room. By 1 pm Daniel came over too. I was greeted by a big hug from him.
"Are you okay? I knew something was wrong with you since the other day. You seemed off that day." he told me.
"I know, sorry for lying. I just don't want to bother you guys. I don't want you to worry for me." I said.
"That is just plain wrong. When you are having a problem, just talk to us. That's what best friends are for, right?" he asked. I'm out of words, so I just gave him a hug.
We just hang out that day in my room. We watched a movie, goofed around and all. Its fun that I got to spend my day like this, but the feeling is still there.
~~~~~~~~
We're the third one that's going to perform and she's still not picking up. The contest will start in a minute. She needs to be here. Suddenly my phone started ringing. It was Denise.
"Where are you?" I asked.
"Sorry, Adrian. But I won't make it. My dad has been rushed in the hospital and I have to be here." she said.
"What? I'm sorry for your dad but, what am I going to do now?" I asked.
"I.. called somebody who can help. He's supposed to be there now." she said.
"So he can sing the song" I asked.
"Um... not really. He's going to play the guitar. And you're going to sing." She said.
"WHAT?" I screamed at her. I can't sing in front of them all. I just can't.
"You have to do this, Adrian. This is the best that I can do. I'm just really lucky that he can play the song on the guitar. And I know your voice is good. So there shouldn't be a problem." She told me.
"Fine, I'll do it. Who's this guy that you're talking about?" I asked. Suddenly there's somebody who's tapping my shoulder. I turned around and it was Henry.
"Hi. So did Denise tell you about the arrangement?" he asked.
"Denise. I'll talk to you later. And I mean TALK." By that I hang up the phone.
"Hey, Henry. Sorry for dragging you in this." I said to Henry.
"It's ok. Nice choice of song by the way. That's my favorite song off the new album of hers." He told me.
"Thanks. Are you ready? We're contestant number 3, and it seems like they started already." I said.
"I'm ready. Let me just set up my guitar. Are YOU ready?" he asked.
"Ye... No, not really. This is the first time I'm singing. I was fine when I was the one playing the guitar. But then I have to do this." I told Henry. He came to me and gave my head a rub.
"Don't worry, I'm sure you'll be fine. We have to get ready though. The first performer just finished. After the second one is us."
"Okay. Let's go" I don't know why, but I kind of relax a little. Weird.
And now here I am, standing in front of the whole crowd. I'm nervous as hell. There are so many people in here. I think I'm going to faint. I looked at Henry and he just nodded and started playing the guitar. I can do this. Inhale. Exhale. You can do this, Adrian. You can do this.
"The slightest words you've said, have all gone to my head I hear angels sing, in your voice When you pull me close, feelings I've never known They mean everything, and leave me no choice"
I sang. Suddenly I wasn't nervous anymore. I really am singing in front of everybody.
"Light on my heart, light on my feet Light in your eyes, I can't even speak Do you even know how you make me weak?"
Suddenly I saw something in the crowd that made my heart stop. It was Jonathan. He was looking at me. I can't help but look at him too.
"I'm a lightweight, better be careful what you say With every word I'm blown away, you're in control of my heart I'm a lightweight, Easy to fall easy to break With every move my whole word shakes, keep me from falling apart"
I didn't break off my stare at Jonathan. I wish I could just tell him how I feel. Why does it have to be so hard?
"Down drowned in your love, it's almost all too much Handle with care, say you'll be there. I'm a lightweight, better be careful what you say With every word I'm blown away, you're in control of my heart I'm a lightweight, Easy to fall easy to break With every move my whole word shakes, keep me from falling apart" (Demi Lovato – Lightweight)
The crowd started clapping like crazy. So I just took Henry's hand and we bowed. I looked for Jonathan but he was gone. I wish he should have stayed. This is all my fault. But this is the point right, to push him away? So I should be happy. But why does it hurt this much?
The contest went on, and we won second place. So cool! Henry offered to drive me home, but I declined. I really want to be alone right now. I was on my way to the bus station when somebody grabbed my hand. It was Jonathan.
"Adrian, please, just talk to me. I really don't know what I've done. Please, just listen." He pleaded.
"Umm.. Okay. But please, let me go. It hurts." I told him.
"Sorry. But why are you avoiding me? We were just having fun the other day. Remember the arcade, and the movies? I just don't get it. Explain it to me, and I promise I'll leave you alone." He said.
I just don't care anymore. He wanted explanation? He'll get it. I want this to be over with. I don't care if he ends up hating me. "Do you really want to know? You'll probably end up hating me, but if you really want to know, then okay. I like you, and I mean really like, like you. I like you so much that I can't stand being around you because it hurts so fucking much. Because knowing that I can't have you the way I.." I was interrupted when Jonathan did the best thing I ever wanted him to do. He kissed me. His lips are so good. I was so captivated by it. I was in trance when he suddenly let go of me.
"I'm sorry. I can't help it. You were just so cute that I had to do it. You should have just told me, I would have.." it was my time to interrupt him. I kissed him with all my might. I can't believe this is happening. The one thing that I ever wanted, wanted me back.
To be continued...
--------------------|~*~|--------------------
Well. THERE YOU GO. I knew you wanted for Adrian and Jonathan to be together. So there! Are y'all happy? Chapter 5 will take longer than expected though. I have some ideas on what it'll be about. Like, what if it was all just a dream? Hahahaha. No, I wouldn't do that. You all will get pissed at me. I'll be busy these next few months. So it'll take a while before I can post it. I hope you guys will wait for it. Hehehe :D
See you guys again soon. And don't forget to email me and tell me what you guys think: nathanpetersen14@gmail.com. I really appreciate the comments I get. :D
A million hearts, You're the only one. Who lights me up, like I'm glowing in the dark.