UNDER THE CHERRY TREE
By
Rev. Jesse Penfield Gibson, MDiv, DMin
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. The characters and situations are purely imaginary. Any resemblence to any living persion is coincidental. This story is primarily a romance but does contain some scenes of explicit sex, primarily homosexual but not exclusively.
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TEN
We were in the bedroom and I was nervous. I wanted it, really wanted it, but I could feel my heart pounding and my palms were sweaty. I was having trouble breathing. Part of me, a small part, wanted to run. The bigger part wanted to explode. Standing by the bed, Xander kissed me and ran his hands underneath my T shirt. The feel of his hands rubbing my body, his wet lips on mine were enough to make me hard. Hesitantly, I kissed him back, afraid to admit that I hadn't kissed anybody much. Well, not that kind of kissing anyway. It's kind of pathetic, being 18 and only have kissed once.
Then we were on the bed, Xander still kissing me. I guess he sensed my nerves. He began to kiss me on the neck and on the chest. It was the most minimal of foreplay but I was more excited than I had ever been. It's hard to describe the feeling. Incredibly full as my erection was uncomfortable but more than that. Gently and unobtrusively, he put his hand on my inner thigh. It was just resting there but it seemed incredibly intimate. For a second or two, he just rested his hand on my upper thigh as he lightly kissed me but then he softly began to rub it around in that area. Not in the crotch but off to the side, which was enough to make me quiver a little. Xander pulled off his shirt. He was lean and tight, a body of perfection. When he went back to kissing me, he gently rubbed the outline of my erection through my pants. The feel of another person's hand at that most private part was electric. Awkwardly, I touched his neck as he reached around and felt my butt.
He was being slow and romantic but he took my hand and led me down to his crotch. I gave him a squeeze and felt his hardness. I have been pulling on my own for years, fantasizing about this, but to feel him excited was thrilling. I didn't expect the boost to my ego that knowing I was turning someone else on would cause. Touching the tangible evidence of his excitement made me feel desired and special. I kept my hand there savoring it and then moved it up to feel his hard abs. He lay there, propped up against my shoulder, continuously kissing me. He was the aggressor, though. Before, he had been almost shy about touching me below the belt but now he reached out and grabbed my crotch. That made me catch my breath. The sensation of longing was so strong by then. I needed us to stop touching teasingly. My body was demanding more.
I watched him as he undid my pants, drinking in the blueness of his eyes. When he got them undone, I felt liberated. I was so hard by then it was growing uncomfortable. It felt like pressure had been relieved, not too different from the feeling you have when you really need to pee and finally do. I never thought about that being pleasurable but it was. He ran his hand down into my jeans, grabbing me and massaging my balls. At that point, it was definite. We were going to have sex. I was powerless against the sensation. My body wouldn't let my brain stop me from going all the way. I had no questions about morals or right and wrong, I just needed for that pleasure to continue. I wanted it.
Cautiously, I moved my hand down so I could get at him. He shifted his weight so I could. He was giving me permission to touch him. Then he sat up and got on his knees facing me. Even though my heart was pounding, I was hesitant. I did touch him but for some reason I didn't undo his pants. Without saying anything, he shifted again, leaned over and began urgently kissing my chest, nipples and then down my torso. I could hear his heavy breathing over my own. Slowly, by degrees, he was being more forceful. I was glad. I wanted him to. He got down there and began to pull off my jeans. It was strange. My erection tented my underwear but he was massaging it. Suddenly, the jeans came off and were thrown to the floor. Then he pulled my balls out from the cloth and began to suck on them. I never dreamed that it would feel so good. He was rubbing himself as he did it. Then, my entire cock was pulled out.
Xander smiled, lightly stroked it and then took me in his mouth. As good as everything else had felt, as much I liked kissing him, nothing compares to that. I now know the reason why guys like blowjobs. The feel of the wet warmth against my bare skin was a jolt of pure pleasure. He knew what he was doing it. He sucked it and then pulled off and stroked me for a second. Then he ran his tongue lightly on the underside of it before taking it back in his mouth. I couldn't have spoken at that moment if I had to. The sensation of it was too overwhelming. I leaned up to look at him doing it, amazed at how sexy it looked. He looked up, laughed a little and pulled himself closer to me to kiss me, all the while stroking it.
Then he went back down there. This time it was faster, stronger. It was the way I wanted it. It felt good and I wanted it. He shifted upwards again, kissing me but also taking my hand firmly down to his crotch. We were both breathing heavy and he was becoming more forceful. This time I undid his pants. Silently, he pulled them off. He was wearing black boxer briefs and his erect dick tented them. It was a beautiful and alluring sight. He leaned back, put his hands behind his head and let me play with his stiff dick. It felt different than jacking myself off. I guess it felt like he had velvet slipcover over an iron rod. The skin gave way but it was stiff underneath.
"It's okay, go ahead," he whispered.
"Okay," I said. Leaning over, I kissed the head of his penis. He reached down and shoved his underwear down. I kissed it again, not really knowing what to do and afraid that if I just stuck it in I would gag. Carefully, I took a little bit in my lips and sucked. I licked him some and took a little bit in again. I knew I was bad at it and I was embarrassed by it. Shyly, I looked at him and Xander smiled broadly. It was a warm, loving look.
"Don't worry" he reassured me. "Be careful of your teeth"
It gave me confidence. I went back to work, taking more in, licking it, kissing his balls. I could hear the groans and grunts of approval. I liked that. I was making love to his dick. Sucking his dick was fun, pleasuring him was perfect. The most amazing thing was that I felt greedy and generous in equal measure. I wanted my own pleasure and his equally. As I sucked him, he ran his hand down my underwear and massaged my ass. He made me lean back and pulled off the remainder of my clothes. He leaned over me and began to kiss me and stroke me. He was turned on and a little bit aggressive. As he was kissing me, he began to jack me off with a fast stroke. I reached down and grabbed him and did the same. Then getting up on his knees, he dived down for it and began to suck me hard.
It was too much. I was getting lost in the sensation. I didn't want it stop. I wanted him to keep going. I wanted it to last. I didn't care about anything right then, just that. He sucked me, going all the way down to the base, and sucked me hard. Then I could feel it coming. Nothing was going to stop it. I couldn't speak. I couldn't think. Then, in a great wave of pinpricks and relief, I exploded in his mouth.
Instantly, I regretted it. "Oh, no. I'm sorry," I cried out involuntarily.
Xander looked up, cocked his head, and looked at me. "Why?"
"I came in your mouth. I should have warned you. I didn't think it would happen so fast." I was mortified. I was ashamed. Not only had I shot a load in his mouth, I hadn't lasted very long.
Xander smiled. He snuggled up beside me and began to gently kiss me. "Don't be sorry. I knew you would. And there's plenty more where that came from. You lasted longer than I thought you would actually."
"Really?"
He nodded. "Yeah. To be honest, I wanted to get it out of the way. Because in a minute, you're going to be hard again and I want you to fuck me."
We lay there, kissing and touching. It felt right, like we were surrounded by a warm glow. Like before, it was tender and playful at first but grew steadily more intense. I was soon hard again and Xander never lost his erection. He sat me up on my knees and began to suck me again. I grew even harder and more excited. He was right, though. The first orgasm had taken the edge off somehow. I was excited and lustful but I wasn't as out of control. I was enjoying it but I knew it would last. He got up on his knees and straddled me. Putting his dick on top of mine, he began to jack us both. He kissed me as he stroked. Pulling me close to him, our bodies pressed against each other. The kissing was deep and passionate and both us of where freely rubbing hands on each other's bodies.
"Do you want to put it in me?" he asked.
I nodded. He fell back, reached in the bed side table and got a condom out. He took my dick and rolled it on. Then came some lube from a half empty bottle. It was cold, shockingly cold.
"Cold?" he laughed.
"Yeah"
With me sitting on my knees, he straddled me again. Reaching behind him, he took my cock and guided it into his asshole, sitting down on me. I slid it in him, amazed at how tight it was and how good it felt.
He grunted. "Just lay there. I want to get used to it. You're pretty big."
"Does it hurt?" I asked, genuinely concerned for him.
"Little bit," he smiled. "But in a good way. It's going to feel a lot better in a minute."
He set the pace, riding me like a horse. He began to slow bounce up and down on my dick. He was biting his lower lip and had his eyes closed and head back a little.
"How's that?" he asked.
"Great" I answered truthfully. Even better than a blowjob. He rode me and I stroked his hard dick as he did. He was grunting and gasping but it wasn't from pain. I felt fantastic. Then he leaned over and kissed me as he continued to go up and down on my dick. I knew what the big deal about sex was now. Why it mattered. Why people wanted it. It was the most amazing feeling in the world. But as great as it was, there was something primal in me that didn't want to be passive. I didn't want to lay there and have him ride me. I wanted to fuck him. It's the right word: fuck. I didn't know how to tell him though. I didn't want to mess up what I had, searching for something better so I let him ride me. It was good, I thought, it was good enough.
"I want to change," he whispered after we kissed. "On my back. Fuck me hard."
He kissed me again and continued to ride me as I stroked him. Then he stopped, pulled off and fell over. We shifted around and he lay there with his knees bent up in the air, his feet about my shoulders. I got between his legs and tried to stick it in. He reached down and guided me. As I slid into him, Xander moaned, "Yeah, oh yeah."
He was stroking himself hard and moaning constantly as I fucked him. Bucking my hips felt right, satisfying. It was feeling better and better by the second. He reached down and put his hands on my legs, pulling me into him. He wanted it harder. I began to really fuck him.
I no longer had conscious thought. I was an animal. I wanted what I wanted. I knew he wanted it too. I fucked him as hard as I could. I reached down and took his swollen prick and jacked him as I stabbed his ass with mine. He was grunting and groaning and I gave it to him harder still. At that point, I felt more masculine than I ever had. I was a hunter, a warrior. I was a man. Long, savage strokes as I sodomized him. Then short fast ones. Harder and harder.
Xander threw back his head, stifled a yell, stroking frantically. Then he exhaled forcefully and shot thick ropes of pearly semen. He was lost in his orgasm and it turned me on even more, which I thought impossible. I didn't want to stop. I couldn't anyway. I had to fuck him. I felt it building and then I felt myself explode. A wave of sheer euphoria flowed over me. Complete satisfaction.
I fell beside him and he snuggled against me. I felt warm, glowing and spent. He nuzzled me briefly and nibbled on my ear lobe. "Well?" He asked.
I smiled broadly. "It was great. You?"
"It was good" Xander answered.
I wasn't sure whether to believe him. I wanted it to be true but I feared it wasn't. "You've have had better, though."
He leaned on his elbow and looked at me intently. "Don't do it, Dylan. It's not a contest. It's not about the technique, it's about the emotion. Tonight, I'm going to sleep satisfied and tomorrow I'll wake up with your body next to mine. I'm getting what I wanted."
I kissed him softly. It wasn't exactly a declaration of love but it was something. I put my arm around him and he nuzzled up against me, a nice touch of intimacy. "I don't want this to be a one-time thing. I've had plenty of those," he said. "I've never had a boyfriend before. Not a real one. I'd like to see where this goes between you and me."
"Can I ask you a question?" I asked, turning toward him, propping my head up on my elbow. "How many people have you been with before?"
"I don't know. I haven't been keeping score," Xander sighed. "Does it matter?"
"Yes and no. I'd like to know."
"I don't know. 50, 60 girls and 20, 25 boys, give or take."
It was a higher number than I expected, I guess. Plus, I thought it may be actually higher than that. I could understand his reluctance in telling me. I know I wasn't happier for having my curiosity satisfied. "I don't know what I thought. I wanted it to be special for you."
He leaned over and kissed me again and cuddled up against me, rubbing my hair. "It was. You'll remember this the rest of your life. I was so happy to be the one. Everybody remembers their first time getting laid. First time tripping, too. I got to be a part of it, to give you the kind of experience you deserve."
That did make me feel special. It was the sincerity of his tone more than anything else. "So tell me about your first time?"
He smiled a devilish half smile. "Okay, you earned this story. It was between the sixth and seventh grades, so I was 12. Just turned 12. I spent a month with my dad over the summer. I didn't know it at the time but it was also when my mom was getting diagnosed and starting radiation. Anyway, there is this boy, man really, that lived down the road, on the same farm really. He works for my dad. We hung out and had like jack off sessions. Did that a couple of times and then we started jacking each other off. A few more times and then we started sucking. Then finally fucking. My dad caught us doing it, though."
"Oh God, that must have been bad. How angry was he?"
"He wasn't" Xander said. "He just wanted to know if I was doing what I wanted to do. You know, making sure that this older guy wasn't forcing me to do something or pressuring me. So, I just let him know that I thought it was the most fun you could possibly have. I was definitely doing what I wanted. So, he was cool with it."
"Wow," I exclaimed. "Mine wouldn't be. I don't even want to think about the drama that's going to happen when they find out I'm gay. They're not real tolerant, not about that."
"Then don't tell them. It's nobody's business. Nobody gets to say for you. It's your body, it belongs to you. You own it. When you're ready for them to know, then tell them."
We lay together, just touching each other idly. The glow was wearing off but not the closeness. I thought about what it meant to come out of the closet and what it cost. I was thinking about all the dynamics of it now that my homosexuality was a reality. I was sexually active after all. I knew I would be again, soon if possible. Xander announced that he needed to piss and I realized I did too. We both rushed to the bathroom and peed side by side.
"So, tell me about your first time tripping, since everybody remembers that too," I said as we headed back to bed.
He laughed and jumped in bed, turning off the lights. "It was with Cass actually. . It was after I went to live with my grandparents, so I guess I was 14. He spent the night with me for some reason. It was at their lake house and I remember the two of us just lying in boat, rocking back and to tripping on the stars and the nighttime clouds. It was a life changing experience but kind of sad too. My grandparents hated Cass and wouldn't let me see him again. He was at public school and I was at The Lovett School, for that year at least. I didn't trip again until after my grandparents kicked me out when I was 16. I smoked a lot of pot and rolled a lot. I did a shitload of E."
"They kicked you out?"
"Oh, he made it all legal. I was made an emancipated minor. They were going to turn me into a God-fearing, white collar wearing, country club going right winger, a lawyer or a banker. It was fucking awful. I hated every second of it. Lovett didn't expel me but they didn't want me back either. They would have but they didn't want to piss off Grandpa because he had written some big checks in the past. He went there and so did my uncles. Galloway did throw me out for breaking the rules. Fucked up part is that they only have two rules: behave and try. I couldn't manage either one."
"That sucks." I felt kind of bad for him.
"It worked out. I rented a room in the back of this duplex from some dykes that knew my Mom and went to North Atlanta. Cass and Dex were still my best friends. I met Erica, even though that flamed out pretty bad. I really fucked that one up. It's why I don't want to fuck it up with you. She hated my guts for a long time and I don't want that to happen with you."
"It won't," I promised.
When I woke up the next morning, he was laying against me in a spoon position. His erection was pressed against the small of my back. I was hard too with morning wood. As I stirred, Xander woke up. That led to early morning sex. By the time, I made it to class, I was floating on air and, for the first time since puberty, feeling completely satisfied.
Xander left to go out of town after class that day and didn't return until Sunday. I could have gone home myself but passed on it. I didn't really want to make nice with my family, lie to them really, and spend a Sunday morning in church hearing the rightwing version of Christianity. I couldn't make myself do it. I ended up spending Friday with a couple of guys from my hall, Tommy and Dave, going to a Phi Delt party. When Xander got back Sunday morning, we made love again this time in my room before Robbie got back. The afternoon was spent with him at Lacrosse practice. It was actually funny to watch him because he was so into it and serious. The volunteer coach was kind of riding him, threatening to give him a long stick, which was a reference I didn't get. They practiced on the intramural field behind the business school. I sat on the hill just below the UC watching it. A couple of guys that I didn't know wandered down to watch too, sitting beside me on the hillside. They were gay kids, apparently, and they talked approvingly about my boyfriend. He had a cute ass, said one. The other agreed and added that he heard that Xander was bisexual and liked to play. I had to tell them that was true in the past but not anymore. He had a boyfriend now. A jealous boyfriend. I enjoyed that.
Xander made an appearance in his designated room and I was there with him when Carter decided to lecture us about evils of homosexuality. He was quoting Leviticus to us.
"Carter, in the first place, you're quoting the Old Testament at us. You take that one verse and build it up so that it seems like the most important verse in the Bible. But you totally ignore all the other verses there," I protested. "Do you eat shrimp? Because in Leviticus, eating shrimp is an abomination. Ever worn a cotton/wool blend shirt? Because it's a sin to wear a garment made of two threads. You ignore those but those are things that you do and don't think are wrong. Not only is it selective but it's using the Bible as a weapon."
Xander was sketching something on a pad, lying on his top bunk while I sat on the bottom. Carter was at his desk, Bible in hand. "The difference is that the penalty for lying with mankind as with womankind is death. Eating shrimp is not in the same category at all. When Jesus died on the cross, he ended the need for ritual cleanness. What you are doing is an abomination, it is wrong in the eyes of God. It is so wrong that the Bible teaches you should die for it. And for your information, Paul in Romans also condemns it. No matter how you try to argue it, it is immoral and unnatural."
"So, I ought to die?" I asked him pointedly. "Who's going to do the killing? You?"
Carter dismissed the attack with a nod of his head. "The civil authority ought to but because of the Godlessness of the liberal judiciary, they won't. But God is not mocked, Dylan, your sins will find you out. It is appointed unto man once to die and then the judgment.' I beg you to fall on your knees and ask Him for forgiveness. Repent and turn from your wicked ways.'"
"Well, I might fall on my knees and beg for something but it won't be for forgiveness," Xander joked. It annoyed me because I took it seriously.
"That's because God has all ready given you up to your unnatural affections," Carter shot back. "Your soul is all ready doomed."
I leapt at that. "You decided that? Here's a verse for you: `Judge not lest thy be judged. The same measure you mete out, the same shall be meted out against you.'"
"Of course, I didn't decide it, Dylan. Tell us, Xander, do you believe in Jesus Christ as the only Son of God and Lord of your life. Have you committed your life to Him?"
Xander swung his legs down over the top bunk. "Since there is no God, He didn't have a son. Look, Dylan, you're not going to convince him. You're not going to change his mind. He is fully invested in this `fags burn in hell' deal. Since I think the whole thing is bullshit anyway, I don't care."
"'The fool has said in his heart there is no God." You are a fool."
"Maybe. I just think it's kind of stupid to think there is a single omnipotent Master of the Universe. It's just silly. I mean, it really is. There are what, billions of stars in the Universe? Supposedly he has a plan for me? Come on, really. I've listened to you people for a while now. My high school lacrosse coach used to tell us that your priorities ought to be God first, family second, team third and ourselves last. This great Supreme Being is a pretty needy prick. Everything we do should glorify Him; our every thought should be to worship Him. I think God needs to grow up."
"Mock if you like but Dylan does believe. You've been seduced by Satan into this sinful lust but it's not too late to turn back to God. There are all sorts of ministries that can cure you of it through the power of Jesus Christ."
Xander jumped down from the top bunk. "Fuck you, Carter. He's struggled with this for years because of assholes like you. There's nothing to fucking cure. It doesn't work anyway. You can't pray yourself into pussy. Come on, Dylan, let's get out of here."
"Turn from your wicked ways. `Straight is the way and easy is the path that leadeth to destruction.' All he offers is death and destruction. For people like him, life has no meaning. That's why he tries to drown his conscience in drugs and sex. Life has no value."
I looked at Xander, who was now angry. I stepped toward Carter, who shrank back a little and said "I know that's not true. If you think this is all there is then life can have tremendous value, since life is all you have. I guess the question is whether life can have meaning without God and I don't know the answer to that. But I understand why you're a vegetarian now. It's precisely because of the value of life. You know what Carter, I think I do still believe in God but I don't think I believe what I used to believe. I used to think that the Bible was final, perfect record of God's revelation. I don't believe that anymore. I think used it as a crutch so I wouldn't have to do the hard work of figuring out what the meaning of life is. I didn't have to because the answers were all there but they aren't. It takes a lot more work than that."