Under the Cherry Tree

UNDER THE CHERRY TREE

By

Rev. Jesse Penfield Gibson, MDiv, DMin

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. The characters and situations are purely imaginary. Any resemblence to any living persion is coincidental. This story is primarily a romance but does contain some scenes of explicit sex, primarily homosexual but not exclusively.

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TWENTY TWO

A couple of days after we got back, I went with Carter to see Xander play a game against Emory. Willingham won 12-7 with Xander scoring two goals. Pumped up with testosterone after the win, we ended up having mad, passionate sex. Afterwards, in the darkness of the room, I got up to urinate. We have gotten to the point of not cuddling much after sex. I usually feel like peeing and going to sleep and Xander is perpetually too jazzed up to do it. He wants to move and go. It's not to say that we don't ever cuddle because we do. But it happens more spontaneously. On this night, I wanted to talk about our relationship.

"We're going to live together," I announced after turning off the light in the bathroom and walking back into the room, still naked.

"We kinda are, dummy" Xander said. He was sitting up in bed, restlessly drumming with his fingers.

"No, I mean this summer I'm staying here and we're living together. Then next year, we room together. We're supposed to still be living on campus as sophomores, you know. I can't afford to have a dorm room and help out with the money here. Plus, you can get away from Kerry if you lived on campus."

He got up and went to the bathroom himself. Over the sound of his stream hitting the water, I heard him say, "Why should I want to get away from Kerry. One of the reasons I moved down here was because she was living here. And when have I ever asked you for money?"

"You haven't. It's what I want to do. I want us to be equals, sharing everything equally."

He stood leaning against the doorway of the bathroom. "It's stupid. I have a studio downstairs. When I want to work, I just go downstairs. You stay up here and sleep and I go downstairs. Works out for both of us."

"Except it's your place, not ours."

"Actually, it's Kerry and Joe's place. It's not like I'm paying rent."

"Same difference"

I noticed that he wasn't coming back to bed. There was literally a distance between us. "So what the fuck is this really about? Are you feeling insecure about something? This is working fine. When we get on each other's nerves, we just go to our corners for a while. It's perfect the way it is."

I got up and went to sit on the edge of the bed. "You want to know what it's about? Last week I slept with other people. I didn't do it because of money or because I have a contract, I did it because I wanted to, because it was fun. That's poison for a relationship. I want to be committed to you and I want you to be committed to me. I want us to draw a line that says we're together, we're a couple."

He walked over from the doorway to where I was sitting and kissed me. "We are together and we are a couple. You're being an insecure little shit. It's like you want us to be straight. We're in love so we get married. Tough shit cause it's not going to happen. It's against the law."

"You see, that's where you're wrong," I said, standing up. "Even if we could, I wouldn't. And not because I don't love you. I'm through with being pseudo-straight. I don't feel like anybody should have to ask permission for who they love."

"Wow," he said, falling back on the bed. "That's a surprise."

"Maybe. But a lot has happened to me in the last few days. Last week was a real revelation."

"Look, Dill, I promise you that if we live together totally that would be poison for our relationship. What we have now works because we're different. There's an edge to it. It doesn't bother me at all that you fucked somebody else. When I got there, I was the one you went to. That's what matters to me. You can fuck anybody you want. I'm not fucking jealous. Of course, that may be what's bothering you."

"I don't know, maybe. There's a part of me that says that while I love you, you're not the only person that I'm ever going to want to have sex with. But there's another part that worries about what you're doing. And I am jealous."

He jumped right on that. "Then we got a problem."

I thought about it for a second. The truth was that there was a basic difference in our sex drives. Once a day was good for me. His libido was stunningly overcharged, on the other hand. "Well, okay. I like the rule that Philip and Carlo have: when they play, they play together."

"Okay, fine. That works for boys. You got a boy you want to fuck, bring him on. We'll fuck the shit out of him together. Cool by me. But there's the problem with girls. I like them and you don't. I like them better than I like boys. I'm in love with you, so that's different. Since we've been together, I haven't done it with a guy, except the porn stuff, because I knew you would be jealous. I haven't done it with a girl in a while, except the porn stuff. But I want to. So, what's the verdict on that? Since we're being honest."

I crawled into the bed. He turned toward me and put an arm around me. "Okay. But I want to know about it. I don't want you hiding it from me. As for the apartment, you still have to have a room on campus next year, just like me. We're going to be roommates. If you want to spend time here some, okay. We'll just work the rest of it out when the time comes. If you need vagina from time to time, I understand. It's not like I can help you out with that particular itch."

"Okay, deal." Xander said, patting me on the stomach. Then he turned contemplative. "I was taught that there are four legitimate reasons to have sex: for recreation, for procreation, for intimacy and for enlightenment. You are the only person I've really felt intimate with. You remember that night at the farm with the foxy? That sex, for me, was enlightenment sex. I think maybe the shrooms were a mystical thing for you but that was mystical for me."

I was silent, considering how much to share. "I'm still processing that experience. But it was life changing. The other thing I wanted to talk to you about is that I've been doing some reading. I want to try mescaline. Can your dad help out with that?"

"I don't know," he shrugged. "I've never done that one, which is weird considering. I've never heard of them having peyote. Maybe they have. I'll ask."

He had a lacrosse game against SCAD in Savannah that weekend and was using that for a trip home. I decided not to go with him. That Saturday was the street party for the Cherry Blossom Festival, held appropriately enough on Cherry Street. Even though Washington is known best for cherry blossoms, a little known fact is that Macon actually has more Japanese cherry trees by far than Washington does. There the trees are pretty much centered around the Tidal Basin but here they are everywhere. There's a cherry tree outside my window in my dorm. The blossoms are pretty, all pink and white, but very fragile. The trees bud out with an enormous number of blossoms each year but they only last about 2 weeks. For the Japanese, they are symbol of the transience of life.

I went to the street party with Carter. Robbie and I had become virtual strangers to each other. He had his friends, mostly baseball players, and I had mine. Since Dex and Cass had invited me to go with them, I somewhat reluctantly took Carter with me to their apartment. I was a little worried that they might be a little too intense for him, particularly in terms of drug use, but I wanted him to see that a lot of gay people, including me and Dex, could be happy in our sexuality. I spent most of the way over there making prophylactic apologies and explanations for the behavior I expected, which was probably not a wise move.

Walking inside, Dex and Dante were there, as was Cass and, to my surprise, Erica. "Hey guys, this is my friend, Carter. He's coming along."

"Hey, Carter," Erica said. She would have met him through Robbie while they were dating. I must have been staring at her, disbelieving that she had taken up with Cass, especially since she was friends with Reed. They hated Reed. She noticed it, too. She took Cass's hand. "Hey there, Dylan."

"Oh yeah," Cass said in a burst of memory. "You're Xander's roommate. "

"Yeah," Carter replied shyly, putting his hands in pockets.

I made the introductions around. Dante reminded me that his name was not Tyrone, something of a running joke dating back to the beginning of the school year. They seemed to remember that Carter was a ministerial student but chose not to mention it.

To break an awkward silence, Dante blurted out, "Well, fuck me. This is one white crowd. We going or not?"

We headed out, walking. It was actually kind of a hike but it beat trying to park downtown. It would be worse coming back, particularly intoxicated, because it meant climbing Coleman Hill. But everybody was in light spirits. Even Carter seemed to be having a good time even if he was being pretty quiet. On the street, there were beer vendors and so Dex and Dante, who were both 21, got beer for us all, even including Carter. A good crowd had shown up and the atmosphere was alive with music as there were multiple stages set up along the blocks of Cherry Street. We wandered around, sipping beer. There were a lot of Willingham students and there was a good bit of stopping and talking. After the second beer, Carter was getting a bit buzzed but that served to loosen him up some. To my surprise, he was actually being funny and jovial.

At one point, Erica got beside me and playfully punched me on the arm. "How you been doing?" she asked.

I nodded. "Good. Real good actually. You know that Xander and I got back together"

"Yeah, I heard. I'm glad. I hope it works out for you. You know, I think what Reed did was wrong. I want you to know that. He had no right. He can be a real shit sometimes. Most times, actually. I never wanted to believe it but I heard about what happened with you and I knew that he was wrong. He and I don't talk at all anymore."

"I appreciate that. It makes me feel better," I told her as we walked along a little behind everybody else. Cass, at the time, was pointing something out to Carter up ahead. "So you and Cass are going out?"

"Yeah. I always liked him, even back in high school. I don't know if it's that serious or not. How's Robbie, by the way?"

I had to consider what to say. "He's good, I guess. We don't really talk that much anymore. So I don't really know what's going on with him."

"Yeah, to be honest, I thought that when you came out as being gay it would be tough for you two to stay friends. He wants to be a good guy but he's a real redneck underneath. I don't mean that in a bad way. We had fun. It just wasn't meant to be."

"Yeah" I replied. It confirmed something that I knew deep inside. Robbie wouldn't drop me as friend explicitly for being gay. He was too much of a stand up guy for that. But he isn't broadminded enough for it to not bother him.

We found where the Nu-Way Weiner people had set up, a Macon landmark that was sort of like the Varsity in Atlanta and Athens, to get a hot dog. They are the kind of food that you don't want to know too much about how it was made and was deliciously bad for you. We greedily shoved them down and went back to circulating around. Later, we did the same thing with a barbecue vendor. I saw Sarah there. We hadn't gotten to know each other that well in Panama City but we had been friendly enough. I was glad to see her.

"Where's your boyfriend?" she teased me. She had a little bit of barbecue sauce on her chin which I wiped off with my finger. "If I didn't know better, that could have been a come-on."

I laughed. I looked around for Jade and Tommy but didn't see them. "He's in Savannah playing lacrosse. Did you come by yourself cause you can hang with us, if you want."

"Nah, I came with some girlfriends. It's too bad that he's not here. I wouldn't mind making him a proposition."

My curiosity was peaked. "What kind of proposition?"

"It's too bad you didn't ask me to join you down at the beach," she said, kind of kicking at the pavement shyly. "I think two boys kissing, being intimate, is very hot. A real turn-on. I've seen his videos and they're really hot. I wouldn't mind some real life action. With both of you, of course. Both of you is what makes it hot."

"Wow," I exclaimed.

"Think about it," she said, scrawling out her phone number on a piece of scratch paper and handing it to me. "Call me."

It wound down after midnight, and we headed back to Cass and Dex's place. It probably wasn't smart walking that far on a Saturday downtown but we were young and male, so we felt invincible. And it didn't matter anyway. All we did was laugh and joke all the way there. They invited me when we got back to their place but I figured that there would be a bit of pot smoking and figured that Carter might not be ready for all that. I said I was tired and was going to head back. Carter, of course, came along since I was his ride. But he was worried about my being able to drive even though I really hadn't had much beer. I assured him that I was okay and I was. It had been a while since the last one and I didn't feel buzzed at all. On the way back, I mentioned the conversation with Sarah to Carter.

"Are you thinking about doing that?" he asked, aghast.

I shrugged. "Don't know. Xander would like it, I think."

"Yeah, he would."

I laughed at that. Of course he would. "You think you know him, huh?"

"Not really. Not as much as I should have." Carter said, looking out the window. "I was wondering if you would like it, you know with a girl?"

"I don't know. I've never done anything with a girl. I guess I am kind of curious."

He didn't respond. In a way I was glad. I thought that he would note how much I had changed since the beginning of the year. But he didn't. "Thanks for inviting me. I had a really good time."

"I'm really glad. You deserve to have some fun."

When Xander got back, he gave me the news that his father didn't have any mescaline. However, he would be happy to help me synthesize some. Mescaline occurs naturally in a variety of cacti in the Southwest and in Mexico, most notably the peyote button. It has been used for thousands of years by shamans and priests for spiritual reasons. But in 1897, the German chemist Arthur Heller synthesized the active ingredient in peyote for the first time. The molecule itself isn't that complex. The base agent you need for the synthesis is 3,4,5-trimethoxybenzaldehyde, which is an intermediate used in the synthesis of a widely used antibiotic. That one is the problem. All the other chemicals can be gotten more or less easily. I didn't know how closely it was regulated but my online research led me in the direction of vanillin, which can be synthesized into 3,4,5-trimethoxybenzaldehyde and then into 3,4,5-timethoxyphenethylamine, which is mescaline. I had looked and most of the chemicals used for this synthesis were used for other drugs that I thought Danny would make. I needed to use his chemicals but, more importantly, his lab space. I wouldn't want to have to explain this extra credit project to a chemistry professor.

I passed along to him was Sarah's offer, which he found alluring. I didn't expect differently. For a strange reason, it intrigued me too. This was a part of him that I wanted to witness first hand. I called her and she was excited too. Her roommate was out so she invited us over. She lived in MEP, the oldest dorm on campus and, for a hundred years, the main women's dorm. From the outside, the three dorm complex was severe and gloomy. The red brick seemed time-worn and sad from generations of holding back horny boys from the treasures within. She met us at the door and I was surprised that the interior seemed modern, light and homey. It was different from Reade, which has a classic collegiate gothic exterior and an interior of institutional drab. It was, I suppose, the difference between men and women. She lived on the third and topmost floor and we chatted about nothing in particular as we went up to there.

"You've never done anything with a girl?" Sarah asked me as we sat on her bed. Xander was sitting across from us in a chair, staring at her breasts.

"Nope, nothing" I answered.

"Have you even kissed a girl?" she persisted.

"Nope"

She smiled and patted my inner thigh. "Good. This is going to be fun."

I was actually pretty nervous. Xander came over and the three of us sat on the bed with Sarah in the middle. Without a word, we began to kiss. Kissing a girl was different, lacking the fine prickly sensation of stubble. I wasn't really excited at that point and the presence of a girl didn't do anything for me. Xander pulled up the loose midriff shirt she was wearing up and over her head. She wasn't wearing a bra. They weren't large but were round and well-formed on her petite body. She still had on her short denim skirt and we were both fully clothed. Xander sucked her tit as she kissed me. As he sucked on one and massaged the other, her kissing was more passionate. Clearly she liked her tits being played with. Then Xander kissed me roughly. He was turned on too. I wasn't especially. I could admire the perfection of her body in an abstract, aesthetic sense but it didn't do much for me.

His kissing me did more than hers. Soon we were all shirtless. She was fit and she had, I guess, medium sized breasts. I guess. I just didn't see the point, well beyond the obvious need for mammals to nurse their young. It certainly wasn't a sexual draw. His defined musculature was arousing, on the other hand. Her skirt was pulled up around her belly button and Xander reached in and pulled off her pink silk panties. I glanced down and saw that she shaved her pubic hair completely, fully exposed the pink slit with it folds of engorged skin. He put his face in there and began to lick. Sarah fell back moaning. I positioned myself over her and she kissed me with abandon. Her hand was clawing at my shorts, rubbing on my privates. I began to massage her breasts as I kissed her, amazed at their soft, squishy nature. It was the softness of her body that amazed me. I was used to sex being with a hard body. Plus, she just really looked like she top heavy and had something missing. Something important.

Xander was apparently very good at what he was doing. She was whimpering and moaning. She was also clawing at my pants. I undid my shorts, freeing up my semi-hard dick. She took in her mouth and it felt good. She didn't have the true love for cocksucking that a guy has but she was no novice either. Xander was going to town with his tongue. He was licking furiously at the top of her pussy with a finger rammed in at the bottom. From biology, I knew the clitoris was at the top and apparently he was working on that. She was whimpering like mad, her moans choked by my stiffening dick in her mouth. Soon he was naked too and was over her, his butt on her chest and his dick in her face, letting her suck first one and then the other. I kissed him as she sucked us. For me that was better. I loved the hardness of his body and his excitement was turning me on.

She lay on the bed and Xander spread her legs and pushed them backwards to get at her pussy. I reached for a condom and put it on him. Guiding himself into her, his dick slid up her snatch. It was incredibly alluring seeing him fuck her. It was sexy. She sucked me as I watched my lover ravish her. Xander looked up at me and smiled a little devilish grin.

Then he pulled out and said, "your turn"

I was floored. I had no idea. But, hesitantly, I got between her legs and tried to slide it in, missing the first time but I got the hang of it. I could tell instantly that pussy was different than ass, wetter but not as tight. Still, it was sex and it felt good. Sarah must have thought so too because she was moaning and whimpering. I fucked with nice long strokes, trying to enjoy it. But I was looking at him when I did. Xander was hard and loving every second of it. The pleasure was beginning to get away from me. I began to fuck her harder, more insistently. My focus narrowed. I concentrated on my own pleasure and I pounded her hard. I could feel it coming and then I exploded into the condom.

Xander wasted no time. He picked up where I left off, fucking her forcefully. He knew what he was doing. She grunted and groaned, wiggling beneath him as he drilled her. I watched, fascinated, his ass going up and down as his penis piston fucked her. The room smelled of sex from her dripping. Then he grunted loudly, his face contorted, and he came. In the lingering afterglow of sex, we lay on the bed, cuddling a little bit, everyone of us saying how cool it was what we did and how we should do it again. Xander meant it, of course, and I think Sarah did too. I could care less. My homosexuality has been absolutely and completely confirmed. Girls meant nothing to me. I heard my phone sound for a text and I picked it up. It was from Carter telling me that I had been a good friend to him and that he appreciated it.

"This is strange" I said, handing the phone to Xander.

He glanced at it and jumped up. "Where `s my phone?"

We searched for it for half a second. Quickly, he found it. He slid it opened and stabbed at the screen a couple of times.

"Chip? It's Xander. Check on Carter. I think something's happening. I'll be there in a couple of minutes." He looked at me and said, "Get dressed and let's go. I think he is trying to kill himself."

"No" I said softly but realized that was exactly what was happening. Hurriedly, I pulled on my clothes and we sprinted down the hall and down the staircase. Outside in the cool spring air, we ran headlong across College Street and past the co-op and up the hill to Reade. When we reached the second floor, there was a crowd around Carter's door. Xander roughly shoved people aside and went into the room, with me only a half step behind.

Carter was sitting on the floor with his back against the bed with a knotted sheet on the floor beside him. I could see the bruises around his neck from where he tried to hang himself. Chip was kneeling beside him, breathing heavily.

Carter looked up at us and said very quietly, "I'm sorry"

Xander rubbed his head and reached down and kissed him gently on the cheek. "I all ready told you, I know what it feels like."

Just then the paramedics came in.