I was at Mr Ericsson's place. He was talking to me and I was very sleepy, just barely hearing him as he spoke. I knew he relaxed me when he spoke, that I was going to go into a very relaxed state. I could not always remember what we talked about, but some of it I could recall. I knew that he was a hypnotist, I knew when we first met, he had said he would help me relax through hypnosis. I knew that his CDs were meant to help relax me. We had talked about that, but so much of what we talked about still seemed dreamlike, I still wasn't sure what parts were dreams and what parts were real, but I knew it was helping me stay relaxed. At least I knew why I always seemed to fall asleep at his place, I had finally figured that out since the last time we had talked. I just wanted to know more about everything we talked about, more about why I was drawn to him so much.
"You need to relax, Steve. You are going to recall more about your past for me today. You want to think about everything that has happened to you with men, boy. You are such a good boy, such a good boy. You are helping yourself so much by remembering all this and adding up the parts of your life, boy. You know it is good for you to remember all of this, to put it all together, boy. You need to remember your submission boy. You need to submit your mind to me, boy, to relax for me. You want to learn from your submission to men, boy, recall the good and bad and learn to put it all together like a good boy. Learn from your past so you can be the best boy in the world. Learn to be the best faggot you can be, the faggot you were created to be..."
I was talking to Robert. In my mind I knew I was dreaming but it was very real. My dreams had seemed so real of late... He seemed to be right there like the first time we met. He came up to me at the copy shop where he worked and asked me out. I could feel my faced turning red and didn't know what to say. I had barely come out at college and had not told many people that I was gay.
"You are good looking," Robert was saying to me, "and I can tell from the way you are looking around at people that you are gay, so I just figured I would ask," he added matter of factly. How could he tell whether I was gay? I didn't act gay I thought.
"He was about 6 foot, my height a little more muscle than me, but still a thin guy. Medium brown skin, not a dark skinned black man. He was good looking too. I said yes before I thought too much about it. So we went out for dinner later that week.
We were at Robert's apartment, one we shared later on, and he was telling me what he expected from a boyfriend. We had been dating a month but nothing really had happened. He had said initially he wanted to wait to see if I was the sort of person he wanted to be with prior to having any sex. I knew what was going to happen, I had lived it before, but here I was dreaming about it, like re-living it.
"I think I can work with you. We seem to get along, and you have been good about not pressing for sex so far so tonight's the night. Why don't you go ahead and get in the shower, I like to be clean for sex, I'll join you soon."
I was really excited, Robert was a sexy guy and I wanted to make a good impression. As I turned the water on and was taking my clothes off Robert came in to the bathroom. He was already hard. He had a fat long cock that stuck out straight from his body. It was at least 8 inches long. It made my dick at 6 slender inches look small. He slapped my ass as he moved past me into the shower.
"Yeah, like I figured," he said to me. I asked what he meant.
"I like the look of that ass," he complimented me, "and I just knew that you had a smaller cock than me. Guys like you always have smaller cocks."
"Your butt looks good too,' I smiled and told him. But I wondered what he meant about the "guys like me" statement.
"Well, you can look at it, but that is about as far as you'll get towards it." He laughed as I looked at him funny I guess. "I am completely top, nothing gets in there except maybe your tongue. Besides, "guys like you" are always going to be the bottom."
"What do you mean?" I questioned him. "I haven't ever been fucked before." Which was true. My time with guys had been strictly sucking dick or having my dick sucked. It had all been a mutual sort of thing for the most part except for that guy in high school, Michael, and there hadn't been a lot of it for my 22 years of age. I was just coming out officially. Had gotten rid of my girlfriend and was ready for some real man on man sex. Robert seemed so experienced and so I thought he would be a good person to show me some things.
"The way you carry on? You were made for dick, I figured you had been fucked a lot. Could have fooled me, Your face says fag to me," he grinned as he said it and I turned red and grinned back. He was teasing I thought.
We went into the bedroom and Robert was laying on top of me. He had guided me to the bed and placed me face down there on my stomach. He was rubbing his cock up and down the crack of my ass just slowly working his big dick around on me while he held my arms above my head. He tensed suddenly and the next thing I knew he was shooting a huge load of cum on my ass and my hole. Just rubbing up against me had gotten him off.
"I like to do that at least once before I get down to the real thing," he explained. "Now we can get going with no rush, you ready to open up?"
"I guess," I mumbled. "But you have to go slow, I don't want it to hurt. Everyone says it hurts the first time."
I was nervous and unsure. I had wanted this so much but had never had anyone fuck me and sure as heck never had anything the size of his dick in me. He smeared his load around my hole and on his cock, then he just began pushing into me. I must have been ready because what I thought would hurt didn't and he slid in, slowly but completely in one stroke.
"Never been fucked, my ass," he commented. "You took that like your hole is a pussy."
"I haven't," I protested, "I guess I just looked forward to it so much that it made it easy."
"Whatever... I can tell you like it, and your hole was ready-lubed." He was right, I did like it. It felt good, having his big, hard rod buried deep in me, like I knew it would from when I first started thinking about guys doing this to me. I felt so good, with him on top of me. I swore I felt every one of his eight inches inside me and my hole wrapped around his dick.
Robert rode me hard that night. He started moving back and forth slowly, like he had been doing when he was just rubbing his cock up and down my crack. But now he was inside me and the warmth I felt as he was in me was incredible. I started to moan. At first I wasn't aware I was even doing it.
"Yeah, Good boy, you like that don't you. I can hear you moaning. You were in heat and needed to get my dick inside you," he growled his words into my ear as he began picking up his fucking speed.
I became aware then of the noise I was making. I blushed when he pointed it out to me, but it felt good. He pulled his dick out suddenly and I felt empty. He rolled me onto my back.
"I want to see your face," he told me. "I want you looking into my eyes. If this really is your first time I will know it."
"Please, Robert," I know I whined it as I heard myself speak. "Please put your dick back in me."
"That's it, I like to hear a bottom boy beg. Do it again."
I blushed. Robert laughed at me. But I did want it back, so I begged.
"Please, please fuck me some more. I want it so bad, your cock feels so good inside me," I was pleading now.
I could feel his cock at the entrance to my ass, and I could feel my hole quivering almost, waiting for his cock to enter it again. He thrust it forward after what seemed like an eternity and I heard myself sigh with relief as he sunk all of his cock into me again.
"Good boy. I knew you were gonna love this. Pretty soon you are gonna NEED it. A bottom needs cock in his hole. I'll make you such a pussy for my cock," Robert was staring in my eyes and everything he said made sense, I loved this, why had I waited so long to let someone fuck me? "Look at you," he said as he kept plunging inside me, seemingly opening up new parts of my mind as well as my ass. "Laying there, your legs in the air, moaning because I am feeding your hole my cock. It's just like a woman's pussy really. You need a cock as bad as any bitch needs it." Robert just kept talking as he fucked. You'll be my girl now, you already begged for it, so you'll do what you need to do to get my cock again and again."
Some of what he said made no sense to me. It felt good, I knew, but how could it be THAT good? And I didn't really like being called his girl. What did that mean?
"What do you mean by `girl'" I managed to say as he was pounding my ass. I was looking into his eyes and he was just looking right back. He seemed to know me, just like he had seemed to know me when we met a month ago and knew I was gay immediately.
He smiled at me and he stopped his motions. His cock lay inside me and I could feel him deep in me, his cock throbbing and stiff. "You need to get fucked. When I first saw you I knew that you were a bottom, boy. You are just like a girl, you need to get fed cock regularly. You will keep me happy because I am going to be the one giving it to you. Look at you. You are begging and pleading for me to fuck you already and this is your first time you said. Imagine how it will be if you don't get this cock now. So, I know you will do just about anything to feel like this regularly. Don't kid yourself either."
As he spoke I knew some of what he said was true. His dick inside me felt better than anything I had felt before. I could tell he loved fucking me and it felt so good to me, like I was whole when he was inside me.
Robert started thrusting slowly again. "Now I am gonna feed you my load, bitch. Look at me." I refocused on his eyes again. "You are gonna take my baby makers, and if you are good, then maybe that seed will get you pregnant." I almost laughed at that but his look told me not to laugh at what he said. "Not likely, but you'll want to keep me inside you as much as possible, because I know a bitch when I see one and they all want a man's load inside them. Now ask for it boy."
I wasn't sure at first what he meant, but then I realized he was going to cum. I was moaning because it felt so good. My own dick was hard and bouncing on my stomach as he fucked me. When I heard myself speak, it was as if my words were coming from someone else.
"Please, pump me full of your baby-makers. I want to feel you cum in me, please?" As I said it I felt suddenly warm all over, I got such a rush. It may have been him banging on my prostate, or just having him over me, inside me, staring into my eyes, into me. It was suddenly like something burst, literally too, as my cock exploded, spraying my load up to my own chin on the first shot. I clamped down on his dick and Robert moaned loudly.
"Bitch, you're squeezing tight, milking my load out. See how you want it? See how its' gonna be from now on?" Robert stared at me and I actually felt him emptying his balls into my hole. He smiled at me as I had finished shooting and he was now filling me up. It was incredible, more than anything I had dreamed about, my first time getting fucked. I smiled back as he finished emptying deep in me, thrusting hard to finish himself off.
Robert was talking to me again. I had moved into his apartment. We had been together a couple months.
"Everyone knows you are the fag, so stop complaining. You understand? Let's face it, you are the girl in the relationship and I am the guy, you are supposed to do what I say. All your friends know you are my bitch, isn't like it is going to be something new. They see it as much as I do," Robert was explaining to me. "They know you are taking my cock everyday and trying to get pregnant with my seed."
I didn't really like it when he talked like that to me outside of the bedroom. Well outside of when he had his cock in me. I didn't understand it at all. I was my own person and not someone else's bitch. Could my friends really see things the way he said?
"Everyone can see you are a fag, so what is the problem if you look like one," he explained. I like my bitch to have nice nails. I want you to grow them out some for me." He looked at me in the eyes from across the table where we ate, from where I served him food everyday. He said he didn't want dragon lady nails or anything, just longer than a man would do. "You aren't a man here, remember, you are my girl." I shivered as he looked at me deeply. He came over to my side of the table and wrapped his arms around me. I always felt so helpless when he looked directly into my eyes. It made me realize just how much he knew me, how much I wanted him and it was scary. I wanted to be his guy I thought.
He often referred to me as his girl or his fag. Even though I knew I was a man. Even though I knew I was not anyone's bitch, the way he looked at me made me question it. "I'm not asking that much anyway," he continued. "I'm not asking you to change anything inside you..."
It was Thanksgiving now, I was rubbing Robert's shoulders as he sat on the sofa next to his sister in law talking to his family about me.
"Yeah, we're happy. He gets what he wants and so do I," Robert grabbed his cock, which I knew by then was always at least half hard, to emphasize his point and his brothers laughed. "He knows the lay of the land."
I blushed from the way he talked about me and glanced at my hands as they rubbed his shoulders. I thought it was time I gave myself a manicure again, my nails were getting a little long. Robert didn't like them too long. I had gotten used to them and no one had said a thing at work. My friends didn't mention it either, just like he said, everyone just seemed to accept that I was gay and showing it the way he liked me to show it had changed nothing. Or rather it had only changed how I thought of myself, not how others seemed to think of me. It reminded me all the time that I was a faggot, as Robert said.
Robert had let me know when we had friends or family over I was to stand behind him like this or sit at his feet, but I was not to sit next to him or our guests. "My girl is gonna take care of me and you can show proper respect for me. They already know the scoop, boy, so don't complain. Just do what I say and you'll keep getting my cock."
The new panties he had given me were itchy, I hated the nylon with lace but it was what he wanted so I agreed, he didn't ask that much I thought to myself. I could wear the panties if it made him happy. He had asked me to do a lot of different things and I was adjusting to them. I wanted him to be happy because I was happy. There was nothing like being Robert's girl, I mean guy
Robert was holding me down. I couldn't fight anymore. He had already slapped me around and had kicked me hard in the stomach. I was sore and tired. He had told me not to go out that night and I had said I was going anyway. I don't know what I was thinking when I said it, but I had done it.
"Bitch, I told you, you weren't going out. Why you always make it so hard on yourself?"
He held me down with my face buried in the mattress. His cock was already spewing his first load of the night on my hole. He didn't even wait to finish this time and thrust into me ripping me open before he had given me time to adjust. He began pounding me immediately, finishing shooting his first load inside me and not slowing down, ready to get on with nutting again, inside me.
"You are the faggot here and you will do what I say. If you just follow orders then you wouldn't find yourself in this kind of situation. You know you like this big black dick up your pussy so why are you crying, bitch?"
He was right, I did like his cock inside me, sometimes I felt like I needed it. but I was being told that he treated me poorly and my friends were all saying I needed to do something about that and stand up for myself. This is where it had gotten me. I knew that I was in a dream, I knew that I would be leaving him soon, but I was re-living this rape scene like it was brand new.
"If you were a good bitch I could let you out more often but you are always nagging and I never get this pussy when I want it, so I am taking it now, whether you want me to or not."
I guess if he meant once in the morning and once at night wasn't when he wanted it then he was right. Robert had stretched my hole all sorts of ways in the year I had been with him, but he still claimed I was not putting out enough. My friends said he was too rough with me, that he always had to get his way. They thought I didn't get to see them enough. I was being torn in different directions and didn't know what to do.
I wanted Robert so bad, but he did hit me sometimes when I didn't do exactly as he said and that scared me too, almost as much as wanting his cock scared me. All the thoughts were building in my head as he fucked me hard. I couldn't help myself and my dick exploded. I arched my back as I came and clenched hard at his cock, as he plugged my pussy with it.
"Bitch needed it, just like I knew. Don't tell me you didn't want this cock tonight." Robert smiled and shot his load deep into me.
I awoke with a start. I was scared at first but after a moment realized I had fallen asleep on Mr Ericsson's sofa. He said it was okay. I told him all about the dream I had. He said he knew about it, so maybe I had told him about it while I was sleeping, or whatever state I was in. I knew somehow I wasn't sleeping but it felt so restful that it had taken me awhile to realize just what state I was in when I spoke to Mr Ericsson. I told Mr Ericsson that I had left Robert after that last event. I couldn't be there anymore.
"You are a good boy, Steve." Just hearing that from Mr Ericsson calmed me immediately. I was stressed from my dream, reliving my time with Robert. Mr Ericsson's words calmed me.
"Just relax and listen to me, listen to my voice. Focus on my voice only, Steve."
I was getting so sleepy again, relaxing.
"You never let anyone hurt you again boy. You are a good boy. You did what you were told to do. You did exactly like a good boy would do and followed his orders. You were a good boy and you are so relaxed talking to me. You became his bitch, his girl, and you changed to meet his needs, such a good boy. Such a good fag. What he did was wrong, boy, beating you, hurting you when you didn't deserve that. But he taught you so much about yourself, about your need to be with a real man. That was the good part, boy. You are a good boy and did right to leave him. Such a good boy to know the difference between submission and abuse. You know it is important to follow orders boy. You know you need to do what your man wants, to be his bitch. Such a good faggot, such a good bitch, such a good boy. So relaxed, so comfortable learning all about yourself..."
We talked for quite awhile. I don't recall it all but Mr Ericsson said I was a good boy and that I shouldn't worry. He knew I was under a lot of stress with Rob being sick. We set up a meeting for later in the week and he said I should keep trying to listen to the CD even if I fell asleep to it, he was sure I was listening to it. He kept saying I was a good boy, and it relaxed me, and I felt better. So much so that after I got home I put the CD on and drifted off comfortably to sleep.