Up Close and Personal

UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL by Jayson Leigh

This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual events or locations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent.

Author's Note: I've been unable to reply emails this week because of the flu. Should be up and going next week so apologies for the slow response but you will definitely hear from me if you wrote. Please send thoughts, comments, questions to jmleighwrites@gmail.com

CHAPTER 8

White Flag

It's just sex, Shane reminded himself. He tried to unbuttoned his shirt quickly but the cufflinks on his sleeves slowed him down. He was just short of ripping the second one out when it fell to the floor with a loud clatter. He hoped Jasmine wouldn't take too much of an interest in it.

He stood face to face with Leo again who slid a hand around his hip with a murmured, "Come here." They kissed slowly, like they had all the time in the world. Their mouths fitted perfectly and Shane closed his eyes sucking Leo's tongue deeper inside him.

Leo's hands were everywhere and all over him. His nipples tightened when they were brushed ever so slightly and he moaned loudly with every touch. He slid his hands down Leo's firm body and came to rest on his belt buckle. He paused, letting Leo's tongue slide out of his mouth as he pulled back to look at the man who'd caused him so much grief in the past month.

He glanced down at the hard line of Leo's cock jutting against denim . He knew that once the pants came off, there was no turning back. He'd been waiting for this, for so long. So what was holding him back now?

Leo sensed his hesitation and put his left hand over Shane's hands on his buckle. The other, he pressed to the side of Shane's face, caressing his cheek softly and looking into his eyes. Shane looked away. He'd been so sure he wanted this. What was stopping him now? He sighed and allowed his head to rest against Leo's shoulder.

Leo held him tightly, didn't say a word, and Shane wasn't sure how long they stayed that way; seconds maybe even minutes.

He hated not being in control of his desires, hated this compulsion to be with Leo despite the looming consequence that he was going to get hurt. Then it occurred to him that he'd already fallen for Leo. Retreating now wouldn't make a difference. What was the worst that could happen now? He had nothing more to lose; not Drew, not his heart, not even his dignity which was still stuck back in that hotel room in L.A.

He opened his eyes with resolve and hooked two fingers on the belt loop of Leo's jeans. He smiled and took a step backward; pulling Leo with him.

"Let's take this to the bedroom," he said confidently.

Leo smiled, allowing himself to be pulled by Shane. They made their way slowly, in that position, to the bedroom and when the door shut softly behind them, they took off their remaining clothes and came together; each one longing for the other's touch. The room was dark and silent except for the occasional sounds of their heavy breathing and occasional moans.

On the bed, Shane finally got to wrap his legs around Leo and arching upwards and running his nails up and down Leo's back. He said urgently, "I want to feel you in me now."

Leo groaned at the rough sensation of nails against his back, and ground down even more urgently on the man under him. Shane took his breath away, writhing so wantonly, but he wondered if this was really what the man wanted?

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked, giving Shane a way out, even though it was the last thing on earth he wanted to do.

Shane was momentarily taken aback by the question. He stopped moving and considered it for a moment. "Are you afraid you'll hurt me?"

Leo nodded.

In the dark, they couldn't see much of each other and a flash of anger coursed through Shane. He ran his fingers through Leo's dark hair, then pressed him closer until their lips were almost touching and he could look into the other man's eyes. "Too fucking late," he replied.

Leo opened his mouth to say something, but Shane covered it with his. Their tongues slid against one another until Shane withdrew his to suck on Leo's lower lip. Suddenly, Leo jerked back in pain and stared down in shock at the other man. He lifted his hand to his lip, because Shane had just bitten down on it, hurting him and drawing blood.

Shane's blue eyes were glinting in the dark as a wicked smile spread across his face. He leaned forward to Leo's ears and whispered in a low sensual tone, "How does it feel to be on the receiving end?"

Leo said nothing, just sucked on his lip trying to understand what Shane was feeling. Despite the throbbing pain, he could feel himself drowning in the stunning blue eyes watching him closely.

Shane lifted his head and stuck out his tongue, licking the blood gathering on Leo's lip before murmuring to him, "Get over yourself and your guilt, because I'd like you to fuck me, bare."

The jolt of lust that ran through him at Shane's words prevented him from focusing on the distant thought something was off. His dick was doing the thinking right now, and all he could say to Shane was, "Where's the lube?"

He followed Shane's directions and reached into the nightstand to withdraw a tube. Squeezing haphazardly, he got enough on his hand to coat his cock and then some more to apply liberally to Shane's tight rosebud. He felt incredibly light headed, fingering Shane, and suspected that there wasn't even an ounce of blood flowing into his brain anymore, because it'd all gone to his dick.

He went in with one finger first, penetrating slowly and teasing him lightly, before inserting a second. He leaned down and kissed Shane's stomach, then his navel and then followed the narrow trail until he got to Shane's erection. His finger probed deeper as he slowly took Shane into his mouth. He tried not to think too hard about the fact that he was giving his first blow job; just thought about what he'd enjoyed done to him. What difference did it make, anyway, sucking one organ or the other? It was just sex.

He felt Shane hardening rapidly and tried to keep his teeth away from the slippery cock in his mouth. He kept one hand gripping the base of Shane's cock while the other kept pushing into Shane's passage; retreating then pushing back in deeper.

Shane kept moaning, pushing down on Leo's fingers and immediately arching up to push more of his cock into Leo's mouth. "Yeah, just like that," he said between breaths. Finally, he called out, "I'm getting close. Fuck, you've got to stop."

Leo pulled off Shane's cock and pried his fingers out of his asshole gently. He pushed apart Shane's legs, placed his dick right at Shane's entrance.

"Go on," Shane said encouragingly.

He looked down at Shane's puckered hole, wondered if it would accommodate his thick, long length, even though it was wet with lube, and slightly loosened from his fingering.

Locking gazes with the other man, he pushed in. They groaned in tandem, and he waited, even though it was so hard not to move. He waited for Shane to give the okay that he should push in deeper.

Shane closed his eyes, biting down on his lips before groaning out loud, "Yeah, give it to me."

Leo pressed in, till his balls were flush against the curve of Shane's ass, then he leaned down to press their foreheads together and kissed him. Pushing his tongue against Shane's lips, he urged Shane to open up and inserted his tongue into his mouth. They were panting into each other. One exhaling and the other inhaling the other's breath.

They were like one, Leo thought, joined together just so. "Look at me," he said roughly against Shane's lips. "Look at me when I'm fucking you."

Shane's eyes fluttered open, watching him dreamily and he thrust out of him then back in. The cloudiness cleared out of Shane's eyes, and Leo noticed that he seemed present again and aware of just who was making love to him.

Shane swiveled his hips, pushing back and pushing his raised legs even higher against Leo's shoulder. His blue eyes were completely focused on Leo when he said, "I'm looking."

Leo pulled out of the tight opening until just his thick cock head remained inside Shane then he pushed back in, repeating the forward and back motion until Shane got into the rhythm with him, pushing and pulling at the just the right moments.

They moved together; smooth thrusts from Leo that Shane eagerly rode. It was slow and sweet, the way their bodies came together and parted. Soon, they were drenched in sweat, sliding against each other with twisted hips and gasping breaths.

Leo gripped Shane's thighs, determined to drive into him as deeply as possible. "I want to fill you up," he moaned.

Mumbling incoherently, Shane replied, `Yeah, fill me up..."

With that, Leo slid down to take Shane's ass in both hands and prop him up against the pillow, folding him almost in two as he pushed his dick to the hilt into the other man's quivering hole. It was exhilarating, being with a partner who took everything he had to give and wanted more. The sounds they made sounded so fucking obscene to Leo, skin slapping against skin as Shane kept up with him, riding and rocking along to the rhythm of his thrusts. He screwed his hips in a circular motion, and Shane groaned loudly, straining at the sensation Leo was producing against his prostate.

Their eyes were still locked on each other and when Shane began smiling at him, it sent Leo over the edge. He reached for Shane's cock then, pulling it hard and in tune to his pounding thrusts. He lost his rhythm as he unloaded into Shane, but kept jacking his dick along. Languid thrusts into Shane's deep heat became quick jabs which turned into stuttering motions as his cock spurted. He felt like he wouldn't stop coming, ever. Shane's asshole kept fluttering around his cock, milking him to the point of no return. As he released the last of his seed inside Shane's tight hole, he felt the other man spill onto his hand as well.

Together was his last thought, before he collapsed on top of Shane.

At some point during the night, Shane had fallen asleep. He woke again; eyes wide open, staring into darkness and unable to fall into sleep. He'd been dreaming of Leo; his voice, his touch, his body all over him.

He woke panicked, wondering if he'd already lost the other man again but Leo's breath was heavy against Shane's neck, one arm draped languidly on his hip.

The room was dark, save for slivers of moonlight creeping in through the edge of the blinds. He didn't like the near darkness or silence. It felt oppressing, like the walls were closing in on him. Suddenly, he couldn't breathe. He closed his eyes, took in a deep breath and exhaled softly. He needed some air; he needed to get out of here, now. He moved Leo's hands gently and untangled himself from the covers. Getting off the bed, he felt for his pants, and quickly slipped on the first thing he came in contact with. Then left the room and shut the door softly behind him.

He walked quickly to the first window he saw, pulled away the blinds and pushed it open. He inhaled the rush of fresh air greedily, gazing at the city lights below him. He realized he was just having a panic attack. Get a grip, Shane, he scolded himself. He'd just had amazing sex. The Leo was lying in his bed this very moment. He should be feeling like the king of the whole fucking world but here he was, having a fucking panic attack. Typical, he thought.

He almost jumped when he felt two arms wrapping around his waist. Before he could glance back, Leo leaned forward and nuzzled his throat. He ran his tongue lightly over Shane's shoulder then kissed the nape of his neck.

Shane reflexively leaned back into Leo before he could stop himself. The arms felt so natural around him as they pulled him in possessively and they melded into each other. The moment was spoiled for him when Leo spoke, "Are you okay?"

He stiffened and moved out of Leo's arms. Turning around to face him, he asked contemptuously, "You got what you came here for, right?" then walked away before Leo could say anything.

He called out without looking back, "You shouldn't wait till I'm asleep before you leave this time. I'm wide awake now and you might be stuck here for ages. Besides, I'm a big boy. I can handle myself. Just go."

He left behind a very puzzled looking Leo and went into the kitchen to the freezer. He'd had just a few hors d'oeuvres at the gala; ice cream seemed like a very good idea at the moment. He had just taken a spoon out of the drawer and was about to dig in when Leo walked in.

In the bright lights of the kitchen, Shane could see the other man clearly. He was bare chested but wearing a black boxer briefs. For the first time since they'd made love, he could also see his face. He realized that Leo's bottom lip was just a little puffy from where he'd bit him earlier. Guilt and remorse flooded him immediately.

He set down the ice cream and took a towel hanging on the oven door then he got some ice out of the dispenser. "I should put this on... on there," he said uncertainly, pointing vaguely in the direction of Leo's face, "there's a little swelling."

Leo nodded as Shane placed a hand on his neck and applied the towel to his lip, pressing down lightly. He flinched at first and stared into Shane's eyes as they came into contact with his. Shane looked away uncomfortably. He knew he didn't have to do this, but against his better judgment, he wanted to be close to Leo anyway he could.

He looked down between them, following the patterns of tattoos on Leo's upper body and watching his chest rise up and down with every breath he took. He was momentarily distracted, and he felt his hand moving down Leo's neck, as if it had a will of its own, to the spot on his chest where his heart rested.

Maybe, a part of him wondered, if he placed his hand there, it would make Leo understand how he really felt; the things he couldn't put into words that contradicted everything he actually said to him. He looked up into Leo's eyes and saw a hint of amusement there. He lifted the cool towel off Leo's mouth and took a step backward, but Leo's hands came around his waist.

"Let me go," he said, stiffening.

"Wait." Leo said, "I'm trying to get something."

"I said, let me go."

Leo tightened his grip on his waist. "But it's mine."

Shane wanted to smack him with the towel. "Do you think you own me? You think you get to have me anytime you want?"

"No, I don't. I'd just really like to get my cigarettes from the back pocket of my jeans... which you're wearing right now."

With that, he slid his palm slowly from Shane's waist to his ass, then down into the back jean pocket. He took as much time as he could, drawing Shane in closer to him and caressing him at the same time. Finally, he withdrew a crumbled Marlboro box and a lighter then dangled them in front of Leo's eyes.

A deep flush crept unto Shane's cheeks and he looked down his pants, gaping at the waist and dragging on the floor, at least three inches too long. "I... I'm sorry. It was so dark in the room. I grabbed the first thing I found..."

Leo laughed as he lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply. "I don't give a flying fuck about those jeans. I like seeing you in my clothes anyway."

Shane pulled away and walked to the other side of the kitchen, trying to maintain some distance between them.

"Look," Leo began on a more serious note, "I didn't come here to get my rocks off; you've got to believe me. When I saw you back in the hotel, I knew I had to see you again..." He paused as he tried to frame his thoughts into words, "If I didn't, I thought..."

He stopped again and stretched a hand to the sink to tap cigarette ashes into it. He put it back to his lips again. "Have you ever wanted something, something that was just so fucking good, that you thought, if you had it just one time, then it would be enough... and you'd never want it again? It's like that with you. You're something good and I want you, not just once or twice, though. I don't want this to end. I don't want to be done..."

He noticed that Shane's spoon, heaped with ice cream, was stuck in the air, half way to his mouth. He was watching him with a slightly dazed expression.

"I thought that first night was all I wanted... needed from you," he sighed, "I was wrong. You're in my head all the time, in my fucking dreams and it doesn't make any sense, does it?" He didn't wait before continuing, "I want to be more eloquent, tell you exactly what it is I feel for you, what I want from you, but I can't. I only know this. I do want you. Despite what you think, I didn't come here for sex... well not just sex in any case... I want to... I'd like to get to know you better."

Silence. He watched the other man finally stick the spoon in his mouth then stare resolutely at the pint in his hand.

"I know you're pissed," Leo tried again, running his hand through his hair, becoming desperate as he wondered what else to say. "You're still very angry, I can see it in your eyes now and I saw it when we made love. I don't know what to do, to convince but this isn't about sex."

He laughed self-consciously. "I could get laid by a different girl every single night for the rest of my life if I wanted to, but you've got to understand that I'd never been with a man before. I don't know what I was thinking when I came to your room that night... well, I was thinking with my dick, but after... after everything, I woke up with you sleeping so peacefully... You looked so fucking beautiful, but you were, are, a man. I freaked and ran. I couldn't believe what we'd just done and I had to get out of there as fast as I could. I was scared and stupid. I needed to convince myself that my attraction was just experimenting and... look, I've never been questioned my sexuality, okay? I've done everything there is to do, sexually, with women but nothing, ever with a guy. And in the space of six fucking hours, you came into my life and turned it all fucking sideways."

Leaning over the sink to grind out the cigarette butt, he said after a brief pause, "I'm not blaming you but meeting you rocked my world in so many ways. I thought I knew myself but I couldn't even touch Joni without thinking of you. I knew I was done for so I ended it... and well, I, um, I tried..." his voice trailed off as he wondered how much more he wanted to reveal.

He realized he didn't want to go into details about trying to get in touch with Shane and talking to Drew on the phone. It was what had led to his overdose but he wasn't ready put that on Shane; it'd been his decision and whatever they had between them was much too fragile to bring up such complicated matters.

"I shouldn't have waited this long to see you. I should've stayed that night."

Shane sighed, putting down the ice cream and walking over to the sink to drop his spoon in with a loud clatter.

"I'm being a rude host," he said, still with that dazed expression still on his face. "I should've offered you something..." He walked uncertainly to the refrigerator and flung the door open. The brightly lit interior flooded his face with light, illuminating blond hair and his slim figure. "I've got Mountain Dew, water, some revolting organic beer."

He threw a questioning look at the other man. "If you're hungry, I could..." He paused and looked back into the fridge. "No, if you're hungry I couldn't help you there. I haven't been grocery shopping in weeks."

"Shane?" Leo said carefully, "Were you listening to me?"

Shane maintained his gaze in the fridge, "There's Greek yogurt and leftover Thai food, but I wouldn't touch that if I were you, it's pretty old."

"Shane, please say something."

He shut the refrigerator door and turned to Leo. "What?"

"Did you hear anything I said?"

"Loud and clear,"

"And...?"

"It doesn't change a thing."

"Why?"

"Because you can't even articulate what you want from me, besides sex. I don't trust you. I'm sorry, but I don't. So you've showed up at my front door two months after we first met. We've fucked. If you want another go around, why not? Otherwise, let's not complicate things with apologies and emotions. You'll be off on the tour soon, right? If your itch for me gets too strong again, come around. I'll let you in. That's how pathetic I am, I'll keep letting you in to fuck me over. And I'll like it. And that's all there is to this."

"I don't want to fuck you over."

"You want to fuck me. You want to leave me. That's fucking me over." Shane sighed, then lifted one hand to his lips before rubbing the pouty lower one thoughtfully, "I don't trust that my heart's going to come before your dick. I don't trust that you're going to put me before your career. I don't trust anything you feel towards me... When I woke up, I thought you'd be gone. I hoped you'd be gone, so that you'd prove me right. Congratulations, you didn't... so let's call this an arrangement; no strings attached and everyone's happy."

"You don't sound happy," Leo observed.

"I don't fuck everybody that shows up at my doorstep," Shane said softly, "so it's pretty obvious I lose all control around you. I don't know where to draw the line with you. Saying no isn't even an option when you're around."

"You like that, don't you?"

"Like what?"

"Being in control..."

Shane frowned before retorting, "If it means managing certain situations to protect myself, then yes."

Leo nodded doubtfully. "I don't want to hurt you; you've got to believe that."

Shane remained silent.

"I don't want this to be arrangement..."

"How long are you in New York?" Shane asked abruptly. "A day...? A week...? Then you're off, right? How the hell could this be anything other than an arrangement? And when you're out there, I don't even want to think of the temptation you'll be faced with..." He stopped suddenly, afraid that he was beginning to sound needy and desperate. He needed to stay ahead of his feelings here; he was losing control of himself and he didn't like it. He summoned up all the anger he thought he'd buried towards Leo and concluded, "When you're back on the road, you won't even remember the name of that queer you fucked in New York."

Leo stared at him pointedly until he turned away awkwardly. He heard Leo make a sound of frustration. "I won't remember the queer in New York because I didn't fuck any. I know what you're doing. You're trying to distance yourself from this, to make like it doesn't matter. Like I don't matter to you? Well you know what, screw your arrangement. We made love, Shane and it fucking matters. I took a fucking stand when I left you; I screwed over Joni for you. I'm not going to make any promises I can't keep, but I'm telling you now, I hurt you once and I swear I won `t do it again. I don't want you looking back. We can't change what happened but this time it's going to be different. Everything can change this time."

Shane was silent. He kept trying to put up his defenses and not succumb to Leo's pleading words but it was too late. His walls were already down. He placed his hands on the counter behind him to steady himself and asked, in a soft tone that signaled his surrender, "What do you want now?"

Leo didn't speak, just approached him warily, like he was something skittish likely to rear up at him at any moment. When he was finally face to face with Shane, he lifted his hand to his face, caressing his cheek. "I've ever met anyone like you, Shane. You're delicate and vulnerable, like a little puff of air could blow you away, but really you're rooted so deep it would take a fucking hurricane to move you."

Shane couldn't help the huff of laughter that came to his lips.

Leo leaned in close, pressing their foreheads together and looking into Shane's eyes, marveling at the never ending depth of blue in them. "You're like a rose. Beautiful, fragile but you've got thorns too and I never know when I'll get pricked."

"And you've got a way with words," Shane breathed softly, their lips, almost barely touching. "You know what they say about roses ..."

"No, tell me."

"Handle with care."

"I forgot about that," Leo whispered, lowering his gaze from Shane's eyes to those luscious lips. "I swear, I won't forget again," he said before covering Shane's mouth with his.

Shane woke to the sensation of a tongue licking the nape of his neck. Lifting his head just a few inches off the pillow, he whispered, "That feels so good."

The wet tongue licked his cheek and a tingle traveled down his spine with every touch. He felt himself getting harder with every lick and he let out an involuntary shiver when he felt a nuzzling in his ear. He opened his eyes slowly and murmured, "Now this is something I could get used to."

Missing the warmth of Leo's body next to his, he leaned back to embrace him, but felt nothing. Suddenly there was a brush of wiry hair on his cheek and he froze when he heard heavy panting over his ear. What the hell?

He scrambled off the bed as fast as he could and whirled around in fright.

She lay on the bed where Leo should've been. Her head down on her front paws and her brown eyes stared longingly at him.

"Jasmine!"

She skittered off the bed happily when she heard her name and came to lie at his feet.

"Bad dog," he scolded as he scooped her up and looked around the room, wondering how she got in. He heard the shower running and although the door was closed, a sliver of light still shone from beneath.

He took a step toward the door, and then shook his head and sat on the bed. He looked down at Jasmine and blushed when he recollected that only moments ago, he'd been turned on by her ministrations. "You've got the honor," he said in a whisper to her ear, "of being the only female who can still turn me on."

Letting her out of his arms, he realized something quite odd.

He was nervous.

After everything they'd done last time, there was really no place for modesty in their relationship anymore and yet, his heart fluttered within him like he'd just had his first kiss.

The dating scene was actually new to him. It'd been so long since he'd done this, slept with someone new, that he had no idea what to expect anymore. Had the years he'd been with Drew changed the always awkward mornings-after?

Jasmine came back to him and began pawing his leg, reminding him that he had to take her out for a morning walk. He steeled himself before he thought too hard about what he was about to do and headed for the bathroom. He knocked twice but guessed Leo couldn't hear him through the loud flow of pouring water.

Pushing the door open, he stuck his head in uncertainly. "Leo?"

The glass door was steamy but he could see the other man's well-built, naked form. "Hey," Leo called out cheerfully to Shane. "Morning, come on in."

Clearly, he was the only one feeling awkward here, Shane thought ruefully. He grabbed his toothbrush without another word and in record time, was done brushing. He glanced at the shower stall again. "I left a new tooth brush out for you and I'm taking Jasmine for a walk. I should be back soon, if you're still, well... I won't be long, but if you need to take off..."

"Shane," Leo cut in, in an amused tone, "I'll be here when you get back."

"Oh, okay," Shane said, cringing at his awkwardness before fleeing the bathroom.

Outside in the crisp morning air, he breathed a sigh of relief and herded Jasmine along even though she seemed determined to stop and sniff every stationary object along the way.

On their way back, the smell of freshly baked bagels lured him across the street. In the bakery, he found himself overwhelmed with the variety; what if Leo didn't like what he chose? Why did he come in here anyway? What the heck was wrong with him? Screw the bagels. Oh great. It was his turn already. He smiled at the attendant and asked for a dozen.

He was just untying Jasmine's leash from the storefront and wondering what on earth he would do with a dozen bagels when his phone rang. Jasmine barked at the jarring sound and he shushed her. A glance at the caller ID had him sighing. He knew he shouldn't put off talking to him any longer.

"Drew..."

"Did I wake you?"

"No."

"How are you?"

"Good. You?"

"Good."

Silence.

"So..."

"Yes, Drew?"

"Not too chatty this morning?"

Shane didn't answer. He had his hands full with Jasmine's leash in the right, the phone in the left and a warm bag of bagels in the crook of his arm. He felt a little too harried for small talk.

"Are you okay?" Drew asked with concern

"What? I'm fine. I've just got my hands full. I took Jasmine for a walk."

"Oh, good. How is she?"

"I haven't killed her yet."

"Jeez, Shane. It was just a question."

"She's fine."

"Good. How are you?"

"You asked me already."

With a huff of surprise, Drew replied, "I'm trying to be civil here."

Shane didn't think he could be civil, so he stayed quiet.

"Are you there?"

"I'm here," he said with a sigh.

Drew continued, "I've been doing some thinking about us. I know I've said things and done things... and you have too, Shane. You've hurt me and I think there's no point lingering on things that make us mad. We should just move on."

Shane decided he'd had his fill of half-assed apologies. Left to the men in his life, he'd have no memory of anything wrong they'd ever done.

"I want to make this relationship work," Drew continued. "I don't want to walk away this time. I think I'm ready to give this a shot again."

Shane couldn't help but note that everything he'd heard was centered on what Drew wanted. He couldn't help the mocking tone that crept into his voice. "You're ready to give it a shot again?"

"Yeah, that's what I just said..."

"Because it's only been a week since you left. Last time, it took you three months to remember I even existed."

"I'm trying to make an effort this time. You know what you did, Shane. Even a saint would've walked out on you that night."

"That's right. I'm the whore who tried the patience of a saint."

"I didn't say... I don't want to fight. I just want us to make this work."

"You always say that."

"And I mean it this time."

"Maybe I'm not ready."

Drew made an impatient sound. "If I waited for you to make up your mind about anything we probably wouldn't even be together... we need to make this work."

Shane thought it quite amazing that Drew could simultaneously woo him and put him down in the same sentence. "What do you want me to say?" he asked wearily.

"Say yes."

"To what exactly...?"

"Giving this a go again..."

Shane realized he was less than a block away from his home and realized he needed to end this conversation. "I'm not ready. I'm sorry..."

Drew cut him off. "I'm not saying we should jump back into it, but we could maybe go on a few dates, try to rediscover what..."

He interrupted Drew with more than a hint of impatience as he tugged on Jasmine's leash. She seemed mesmerized by a very grimy fire hydrant. "I don't think there's anything left to discover. We're keep making the same mistakes with each other."

"You're being cruel, Shane."

Drew's words hit him hard and he wavered. Was he?

The other man seemed to sense his faltering resolve and suggested quickly, "Just think about it... remember the good times; we used to have something good..."

"I need time..."

"Next week?"

"I'll call you..."

Drew laughed mockingly. "Why do I find that so hard to believe?"

Shane said nothing.

"You don't have to do this, you know. I'm not begging you... I just thought you'd be pleased that I want to start over..."

"You cut me deep, this time, Drew."

He heard the other man exhale softly.

"I love you..."

"I can't do this. I've got to go."

"You can't even say those three words back to me anymore?" asked Drew accusingly.

Shane bit down on his lip and closed his eyes. It wouldn't be lying if he said it while thinking of the good times would it? "I lov-"

"Save it. I don't want to hear it; not when I have to drag it out of you. I'll come by for Jasmine tomorrow. But this doesn't mean we're over. Not by a long shot."

Shane hung up then, not willing to listen to another word from Drew. His apartment building loomed and his heart skipped a beat. Leo was there, waiting for him. Drew could wait.

After setting out food and fresh water for Jasmine, he found Leo sprawled out on his bed. He admired the stunning view of Leo's broad shoulders that tapered down to his lean waist and he felt a sudden urge to rip off those jeans clinging enticingly to his long legs.

Then he remembered how hungry he was for actual food, and decided to satisfy that craving first. "I hope you like bagels," he called out to the other man.

Leo looked up from Shane's iPod. He pulled out the headphones with a grin. "Sure, you got sesame in there?"

Shane put down the bag with a smile. Maybe a dozen bagels weren't such a bad idea after all. He went to the kitchen to brew coffee and returned with plates and two mugs full. Glancing down at the spread, he realized they were still missing something, napkins.

He was just about to go get them when felt Leo's fingers curl around his arm. "Hey, we're good." the other man said softly, patting the spot on the bed next to him. "Just sit with me for a bit, okay?"

Shane felt his cheeks flush. Leo seemed to have this ability to read him sometimes. He reached for the everything-bagel and broke it into pieces before applying cream cheese liberally on a small chunk. He was about to pop it in his mouth when he noticed Leo watching him with an amused expression.

"What?"

"That's a hell of a way to eat a bagel," he said with a smile and a glance at the pieces on Shane's plate.

He shrugged, popped the piece in his mouth. "Works for me."

Leo leaned forward to wipe a spot of cream cheese on the corner of Shane's lip. "Are you going in to work today?" he asked, lifting his thumb to his lip and sucking off the cheese.

"No."

"Do you get a lot of days off?"

"Not really. We don't shoot everyday but there's always something... interview prep, production meetings, cross promotion on other shows..." he trailed off with a shrug.

He watched Leo nod while chewing thoughtfully. It was almost surreal doing something so normal with Leo. The Leo Malone.

"A penny for your thoughts," he heard Leo say.

Shane smiled. "Just wondering how much I'd get on E-bay for your half eaten bagel."

Leo snorted and looked at his half eaten piece. "I guess I should leave better bite marks on it..."

"That'd be great," Shane said with mock seriousness, "It'd definitely raise the value."

"I'm heading back to LA this afternoon. The final show's this weekend and from there it's sort of a rat race around the country."

Shane nodded. He'd been expecting this and was relieved that he didn't react visibly to Leo's words.

"You know I wouldn't if I didn't have to..."

Shane didn't say a word.

"I still want to see you." Shane tensed up ever so slightly, so Leo added quickly, "You should join me when you have a chance..."

Shane bit his lip. It was tempting to forget how ridiculous Leo's request was. He tried to imagine the two of them doing this, with Leo and the Blackbones on tour and he following them around like... a groupie? "I can't," he said, cutting his daydream short.

"Why?"

"Work."

Leo's brown eyes flickered with attentiveness. "Do you like your work?"

"Yeah. Sometimes. Interesting guests make it worthwhile. Have you ever watched the show?"

"No"

"You should."

"Why?" Leo asked with a teasing smile.

"Because I'm on it."

Nodding in agreement, Leo said to Shane. "That's good enough reason."

Shane smiled. "I take it you don't watch much television?"

"I don't have a lot of free time," Leo said. "When I do, I'd rather watch movies or the news. I stay away from talk shows, celebrity news... those sort of things."

"Do you think everything the media puts out about you is a lie?"

Leo looked at Shane, amused that in the blink of an eye. his reticent persona had given way to his journalistic instincts. He admitted thoughtfully, "Not everything's a lie. It's just not easy seeing it in print or on TV. I make mistakes but everyone gets to judge me because I'm a public figure. It never gets easier seeing people poking fun at my life, like it's a sitcom playing out for their entertainment. I know it comes with the territory, but I don't have to subject myself to it."

Shane agreed, thinking about his life and the vast number of stupid things he'd done. He imagined E! News relating his life story; interviewing his exes, college roommates, old friends... good Lord, Jenny! He stopped. It was too awful to think about.

"Yeah" he said to Leo. "I'd probably stay away, too, if I were you."

"How often do you tape new episodes?" Leo asked, stacking his plate on top of Shane's.

"Three times a week."

"So you get about what, two days off, plus weekends?"

Shane sighed. "I know what you're getting at but I don't always get those days off. Sometimes, I have to travel for interviews or cross promotional work. Tomorrow, I'm putting in an appearance on the Night Show and then, there's always some awards show or gala that I'm required to attend... basically, my supposed free time isn't always free."

Leo nodded shortly while Shane swallowed hard, trying to think of what he could do. He remembered interviewing a celebrity and he'd asked her how she made her marriage work for so long, certainly a rarity in Hollywood. She'd given him a pained look. "Honey, I've got frequent flier cards with over a million miles on them. Traveling as much as I did made my marriage work."

He cleared his throat and offered, "Up Close and Personal goes on hiatus for the summer from mid-June through August."

Leo visibly perked up. "You'd come out then?"

"Sure and whenever I've got more than a day or two off, I'll see what I can do."

"Great. It won't always be like this. The tour's over in four months and the final shows are here in New York."

"It seems so far away," Shane said softly.

Leo leaned over to him, stretching out his hand to push a blond lock of his tousled hair away from his face. "We'll make it work."

"Do you enjoy touring? It seems so stressful."

The rock star grinned. "It's the best part."

When Shane gave him a skeptical look, he insisted, "No, really, it is. I make music so people can listen. So what's better than a stadium full of fans listening and responding to it?"

"Oh," Shane said with understanding.

"Now putting on the same show night after night gets old. So the challenge is trying to change it up every once in a while and keeping the set list fresh. When we get the bored, the fans sense it and the show drags. The cool thing is meeting the fans. I see and hear all kinds of crazy shit."

Shane was interested. "Like what?"

"A girl once had an ass tattoo of my face."

Shane gasped. "Your face on her ass?"

"I swear. It was on her left cheek, and I must say it was quite striking when she bent over."

Shane cracked up with laughter. "So your face goes in the crapper..."

"I know! I don't think she ever saw it that way. She was quite proud of it."

"I wish you'd taken a photo... Tell me something else."

"Well, one time, we auctioned off tickets for charity. Backstage stage access, dinner with the band and all that. A bunch of rich kids won because the bidding prices were astronomical, but this one guy was different. He was older than the rest, and we thought he was one of the teens' parents but it turned out he bought a ticket for himself... He paid almost fifty thousand dollars. Now, I just assumed he was rich, because, come on, that's a ridiculous amount of money..."

"Even to see you?" Shane asked teasingly.

"Especially to see me," Leo replied self-deprecatingly. "Over dinner, I asked him what he did, how could he afford it and he admitted to pulling it out of his retirement fund."

"No way..."

"The guys and I just kept thinking, someday this guy's going to get old and be out a walker or a scooter and he's going to blame the Blackbones."

Shane laughed hard. "Well, you know the word, fan, is just a short form for fanatic."

Leo agreed with a smile.

"I'd love to see you perform live."

Leo gave him a surprised look.

"What?"

"Somehow, I get the feeling you won't enjoy my kind of music. Your iPod's got Celine Dion, Celine Dion and, oh, some more Celine Dion."

Crap, Shane thought. He knew he had a bad feeling when he saw Leo with his iPod. He'd endured enough jokes from Jenny and it seemed he would now be subjected to more from Leo.

"Maybe it isn't mine."

"Really? It's signed in to your iTunes account..."

He changed tack. "There's nothing wrong with Celine."

Now, Leo looked very amused.

"And there's nothing wrong with pop music, either."

"I like pop. I like all good music."

"She's good," Shane said defensively. "Just because she doesn't play a guitar..."

With a loud laugh, Leo said, "Ouch."

"Her voice is her instrument," Shane added with a smirk.

"Her instrument belts out clichés about love on manufactured hooks and rhythms that I could probably create in my sleep."

Shane's jaw dropped.

Leo arched a brow in defiance.

"That's my favorite singer you're knocking," Shane said finally.

"Don't worry," Leo said affably, "It won't take me too long to refine your taste."

"Leave me and Celine alone. We're happy together. I don't want to listen guys shredding guitars except, well maybe one."

"That better be me you're talking about."

Shane winked. "Maybe..."

They continued in that vein, chatting, flirting, laughing and Shane thought to himself, that maybe he wasn't so crazy to think he could have something normal with Leo Malone when his phone rang.

He caught sight of Melinda Keating's face on the screen and decided to ignore it. She probably wanted to reminisce about the previous night's gala. He pushed the phone away and turned back to Leo when it began ringing again. Melinda could be quite insistent. With a sigh, he took the call on speaker.

"Mel, how are you?"

"Shane dear, it's too horrid to even think about."

Leo's brows were arched with curiosity and Shane bit back a laugh, wondering if there was anyone on earth as dramatic as Melinda. "What's horrid? What's going on?"

"It's Lisa Cartwright. Her husband just served her divorce papers this morning. He's frozen everything; her credit cards, her bank accounts, even her line of credit at Neiman Marcus."

Shane thought he was missing something. "Who's Lisa Cartwright and how does this-?"

"She made the single largest donation at the gala last night and she won some jewelry at the auction..."

Shane's eyes widened, finally comprehending the impact Lisa Cartwright and her impending divorce would have on the foundation...

"I don't know what we're going to do. We're down almost half a million in funding because of this and there's no way the board will let me go ahead with the new wing at Metropolitan..."

"I'm so sorry, Mel." Shane murmured, too stunned to offer much more than his condolences. It was devastating to realize they had effectively been cut at the knees because of this."

"Oh, I've got to go. I'm blubbering so loudly I can't even hear myself."

Shane watched the line go dead and got lost in his own thoughts trying to think of a way to make up the funds. Everyone in his social circle had been invited to the gala last night and they'd given generously too. Perhaps one or two might be inclined to give some more after hearing what happened, but he couldn't count on it...

When he felt a hand sliding along his calf lightly, he blinked.

"What was that about?"

He shrugged. "It was nothing."

"Didn't sound like nothing."

Shane gave him a rundown of last night's gala and exactly how one woman's divorce would be sure to devastate his foundation's efforts this year.

Leo listened attentively, running his hand soothingly over Shane's calf all the while. When Shane was done, he reached for his phone and made a call.

"Hey, Richie... Yeah, it's me... I'm good."

Shane watched him curiously, unsure where this was going.

"So, look... I want to make a donation to the Henry Keating Foundation. AIDS research, I think. It's based in New York."

Shane's eyes widened.

"How much? One million should do it."

Shane's jaw dropped.

"No, make it anonymous... better yet, a friend of Shane Roderick. I'll be in LA tonight. You can send the paper work there. Thanks."

"What was that?" Shane asked once Leo had hung up. His voice was barely above a whisper.

"I just solved your Lisa Cartwright problem."

"You shouldn't have done that."

"Why?"

"You don't owe me anything."

Leo's eyes narrowed questioningly. "You think I'm paying you off?

Shane's heart stuttered. What had he been implying? "I just mean..." he trailed off. "That's a lot of money to just give away..."

"It's for AIDs research, right?"

Shane nodded numbly.

"So it's going to a good cause, right?"

He nodded again.

"You don't have to blow me or fuck me to get me to give to charity. I'll do it anyway." His hand skittered up Shane's thigh. "

"It's a lot of money to give to a charity you don't even care about..."

"Are we friends?" Leo asked out of the blue.

Shane froze. Were they?

He looked down at Leo's arm against his thigh and suddenly, he realized that he wanted this man more than he'd ever wanted anyone or anything before. Who knew money and power would be such a fucking turn on, he thought wryly. "Yes. Yes, we are."

Leo knelt beside him, pulling off his own shirt. "Then we don't have to talk about his ever again."

Shane smiled. "Easy for you to say..."

Leo pulled him in, the sheets tangling around them and the paper bag of bagels tumbling to the floor. He bent to press kisses all the way from Shane's navel up to his shoulder and then settled on his arched neck. He took the soft skin in between his teeth and sucked on it gently.

"Don't leave a mark," Shane said softly. "I'll be on air tomorrow."

"I want you but I don't think we have time. I should be heading out. My flight..."

Shane stopped moving for a second to give Leo a heated look. "You're not actually thinking of leaving without making love to me again...?"

Leo didn't need to think twice. "Just joking," he improvised, rolling off Shane to undo his jeans quickly.

Shane also took off his shorts and reached readily for Leo's erect cock to apply lube. He lay back down on the bed and held his legs up for Leo to settle between them.

"I like watching you, when I'm inside you," Leo said as he took hold of Shane's ass and used it to lift him several inches off the bed.

Shane arched upward, feeling the warm slide of Leo's hands against his skin. He felt Leo pull his cheeks apart then breach him slowly. He moaned at the pressure on his throbbing hole. He still felt a little sore from last night, but nothing was going to keep him from taking Leo one last time.

Leo watched Shane, marveling at the changes in his lover's face with each press forward. He felt Shane try to urge him on, but he held him still, squeezing and parting the other man's cheeks and pulling out to rub his cock head against Shane's entrance.

His leaned forward to press his lips against Shane's, pushing his tongue into his lover's open mouth. He moved one hand off Shane's butt, sliding it up his side to rest on the side of his face, pulling him deeper into the kiss. His hand fluttered down to the column of Shane's throat and he pulled off his lips with a wet sound.

"You're perfect," he declared with a stroke across the other man's clavicle, "so fucking perfect."

Shane took in a shuddering breath which matched Leo's ragged and shallow inhalations. He could feel Leo's lubed cock brushing against his hole still, but he was denying them the pleasure they both craved.

Leo pressed down on him once more for a kiss, and this time took Shane's tongue in his mouth. He kissed him softly, slowly with no urge to rush their lovemaking as his cock slid leisurely in and out of the heat between his lover's ass cheeks.

Shane let out a loud groan of frustration, so Leo stopped at his entrance and moved his hips in a circular motion around the puckered hole. His cock head rubbed against Shane's skin, leaving a trail of come in its path. He pushed in, but feeling how tense Shane was, held still when less than an inch had gone in. He could feel the moist lubricant that still coated his lover's hole, so he pulled out again, and kissing Shane's lips gently, whispered, "Let me in, babe," and then he surged forward.

Shane's body was a mass of sensations; he quivered at the fullness inside him and couldn't even string words together. He just let out soft moans

Leo held his lover; not moving an inch as Shane's hole gripped him tight and his cock pulsed inside him. Shane fingers were stiff against his shoulders, drawing him closer but pushing him away at the same time; wanting him to stop but unable to resist the undeniable flames of pleasure he was experiencing. He slid out slowly but pushed back in quickly because the heat inside Shane was undeniably addictive.

They began moving together in a slow, steady rhythm consisting of deep strokes that satisfied them.

Shane threw his head back and let out little gasps of pleasure, like they were being forced out of him. Leo reached forward to grasp his cock which lay hard and leaking between them. He jacked it in tune to his thrusts and elicited louder moans from the other man.

He slid out of Shane one more time, till just the head of his cock remained in his lover. His length was sticky with creamy come and lube. Under him, Shane was loose and limber with his asshole unclenched quite easily, giving little resistance to the back outward movement of his cock. Studying Shane closely, he was inwardly thrilled that he could do this to him. He was the one who always lost control when around the other man, and he found that he quite enjoyed seeing the tables turned.

He pushed back in until his balls were nestled against Shane's ass and sped up his thrusts, harder and faster, with Shane's loud moans spurring him on. They came almost simultaneously. Leo grasped Shane's hips roughly, holding him tightly as pressed in deep into the other man. He imagined his cock spurting out long strings of come inside the other man and he groaned a loud, "Fuck!"

Through the haze of his orgasm, he saw Shane shudder him uncontrollably with his own release as well. When they were both able to talk moments later, Leo admitted to the other man, "That's got to be the hottest thing I've seen. I didn't even touch you when you came."

Shane panted loudly for breath. His heart was hammering fast as he admitted to Leo in between breaths, "That's never happened to me before."

Leo pulled his cock out of his lover gently. He watching a thin trickle of come stream out of the parted cheeks and he idly wondered if they had enough time for another round.

Shane looked wrecked, blue eyes wide and lips kissed swollen as he lay there boneless next to him. He didn't want to walk away from him, not this time.

"You know I wouldn't go if I didn't have to-"

"I know," Shane said softly, cutting him. He ran a hand through Leo's damp hair. It smelled like sweat and his shampoo.

Leo lay down next to him. He placed his head on his chest and listened to the soothing sound of Shane's beating heart. He drew circles around the other man's nipples and said, "We're going to make this work."

Shane closed his eyes as his mind went to Drew briefly. "Or at least, we'll try..."