First and fore most this is a love story. It is a story that does contain sexual acts between two females. If this offends you then don't read it. If you are not 18, or whatever the age maybe where you're from, then please don't read it. If you just don't like the idea of love between two ladies, go somewhere else. Don't read it. The characters are not real. Any similarities are just that.
I just want to thank everyone who has stayed with the story this far. I would also like to thank those who have written me telling me how much they have enjoyed it. You all are the reason I continue to write. For those who haven't written yet. Please do so. I could always use that much more encouragement and I love talking to new people. I have met some interesting people along the way and hope to talk to many more.
As always, enjoy.
Amanda
upside_umop_insideout
Chapter 23
Time's Running Out
Emily sat there, not knowing what to say. She looked over at Alexis and then at her two oldest children. Alexis was right. They were happy. She had missed her sister and the rest of her family but her life really hadn't been lacking for it. She looked at her sister and realized what the last few years had cost her. She knew that her sister had tried to be happy but she also saw all the pain that she had endured. Even if she wanted to, she couldn't hate her sister. She couldn't hold a grudge. She knew that she had ever right not to forgive her but she saw no reason not to. Now that she thought about it, she knew that she had no reason to hate her sister.
"You're right. There is nothing that you could ever say. It's like Alexis told you a few minutes ago. I wanted to hate you and Collin. I wanted to look to you and relive all those nights that I fell asleep crying, wondering what we had done wrong, wondering what we had happened to you. I look at you and while I am happy that the two of you are back in our lives, I realize now that we really were happy. We still are really happy. It will take a lot of time to get things back to the way they were but I don't hate you. I look at you and I'm sorry... but I pity you for all that you've lost. I don't know what else I can say to you. I forgive you."
"You forgive her?!?" Brant gasped.
"Yeah, you forgive her?" Piper repeated, astonished.
Emily looked over at her children. "Yes. Piper, Brant. Look at our lives. Have you had a hard life?"
Piper looked over at her brother and they both shook their heads. "Have you ever wanted for anything? Have you been happy?"
"I get what your saying mom, but I still don't get how you can forgive her so easily." Brant looked at his mother confused.
"This was simple. The last eight or nine years is what has been hard. Yes, we've been happy but that doesn't mean that I haven't missed my sister. Or seeing my niece and nephew grow up. There is a lot that we have all missed out on." Emily sat quietly letting her son ponder what she had just said.
After a moment Brant nodded his head. "I guess if you can see it in your heart to forgive her then so can I. I mean, what your saying does make sense and there was more than one or two times on the trip that I had wondered what it would have been like to have them in our lives. I guess that it would be better to actually find out than to keep them at arms length over something that can't be undone." Brant stated simply.
Sarah looked over at her nephew, new tears filling her eyes. "You mean you forgive me? You forgive us?"
Brant looked at her aunt as if he had just realized that she was in the room. Had the situation not been so serious, Emily would have laughed at the look on his face. As it was she had to hold back a little chuckle. "Yeah, if mom can then I can too."
The look on Sarah's face made it worth everything that Piper and Brant had gone through over the last week and a half. The weight that had made itself at home on Piper's shoulders suddenly lifted. She felt herself smiling from ear to ear. "Me three."
"But there is still so much to talk about. There is so much that I haven't told you." Sarah said shaking her head.
"Why don't we all get some sleep and we can talk more tomorrow." Alexis said, suddenly feeling the toll the day was taking on her. She looked over at Emily and saw the dark circles that surrounded her eyes as well. Emily turned her tired eyes to her love and smiled. "I think that sounds like a good idea."
Emily stood and gave her sister a hug before she hugged both of her kids. "I am proud of how you guys have handled all of this. I just don't know if I could do this all without you. I just wanted to let you both know how much this all means to all me."
"We know." Brant said softly. "Mom, you need to sit down. There is something else that you need to hear."
Emily stepped back looking at her children confused. Not receiving an answer she looked to her sister. "They are right. Emily, come sit."
Emily's heart sank. She took Alexis hand as she turned away from her children and she sank onto the couch next to her sister. "I tried telling you before, but I couldn't. Part of it was being interrupted, but the rest of it was... I don't know how to tell you..."
"Bobby's sick." Emily said, gripping Alexis' hand tighter.
"The kids told me about your dreams."
"I never thought that they were real. How sick is he Sarah? Please, I need to know."
Sarah closed her eyes tightly. "He doesn't have much time left, Emily. I really think he is just waiting. Waiting on you."
"What is it?"
"AIDS. When you and him had your falling out, he lost it. He lost everything. You aren't the only one who lost their family. Dad threw him out too. He couldn't take it. He couldn't take knowing what he had done to you or what he had done to his family. In one night he had destroyed a life time of having this close family. He turned to drugs. When mom and dad found him five years later, he was so strung out and already sick."
"Does he even know how he got it?" Alexis asked from where she stood behind Emily.
"Jackson. I guess he went back time and time again. Jackson died three years ago." Emily looked up at Alexis, scared.
"Don't worry, love. I have been tested very six months since I was fifteen." Alex assured her.
Emily sat there, numb. She didn't know what she was supposed to think or feel. She felt as if her thoughts were ripping her in two different directions. Part of her wanted to continue to hate him, to feel as though he was getting what he deserved. Yet the larger part of her, the part that she was fighting hard against, brought back their childhood memories. Memories of the three of them sitting together, playing together, her and her sister and her brother, the three stooges, the three amigos, the three of them against the world
"Where is he?" Alexis' voice pulled Emily from her thoughts.
"At mom's cabin, that's where they both have lived since dad passed away."
"We need to go see him." Alexis said, squeezing Emily's hand. Emily looked up at her questioningly. "We need to go see him, Emily. He is still your brother." Alex said again, this time looking at her love.
"How are you doing, love?" Alexis asked as she crawled into bed after a refreshing shower.
"Exhausted." Emily said with a sigh as Alex wrapped her arms around her. She leaned into Alex's embrace
"I don't even know what to think. It's just..."
"Overwhelming?" Alexis asked as she nuzzled Emily's neck.
"Completely. How could you let our babies go all the way out there alone?"
Alexis pushed Emily down on the bed as she propped herself up so that she could look at her. "I didn't want them to. I told them to leave things be, but you know how hard headed they can be."
"Especially our Piper; I can't believe how grown she's become."
"She's became a beautiful young lady. She reminds me a lot of you when I first met you."
"I don't know if that is a good or a bad thing. I still can't believe that they went all the way across the country."
"They are growing up. If I thought that I could have stopped them, I would have. I knew you wouldn't have liked it, which is why I didn't tell you. You had made it very clear that you didn't want this to happen."
Emily sighed. "I didn't but I am glad that they pushed for it to happen. I didn't realize how much I really missed Sarah until I saw her. Oh and her kids, they are so cute."
"Little Rae looks so much like Piper, it's uncanny."
"Yes, well, I've always thought that it was strange that Piper ended up looking like me."
"Yes, but you are so beautiful." Emily said, reaching up to tuck a piece of hair behind Alexis' ear. "Have I told you lately that I love you?"
"Not in a few hours." Alexis replied with a small smile as she leaned down and kissed her love.
"Well, I do, more today than all those years ago." Emily said in between kisses.
"And I love you."
Emily pulled back suddenly, keeping her arms around Alexis' neck. "Are you sure that you want to go out to see them?"
"No, but I know we need to. I may not be able to forgive him as easily as you will but I will try. I will try for you and for the kids. It's time they know their family."
"What about your family, love? Isn't it time for you to try to find them again."
Alexis lay back with her arms behind her head and looked up at the ceiling. "I don't know. It's been so long."
Emily propped herself up on her elbow. "You never did tell me. In all these years you've always avoided the subject."
Alexis looked over at her sadly. "I'm sorry. I guess I never meant... I never meant to keep any part of me away from you. It's just a hard subject and one that I've tried to keep my heart closed to."
"We're here now. I can tell you've been thinking about it. So talk to me. Tell me what happened. Tell me why you don't have any contact with them."
Alexis kept her eyes fixed on the ceiling. "I was fifteen and completely in love. Or at least I thought I was. She was something else but I fought for her. My family wasn't religious like yours, but they were old school. They came from the belief that everything you had you had to get by blood, sweat, and tears. I was their only child, which was a big disappointment to my dad. He always wanted a boy but he loved me. He loved to spoil me and I wanted to do anything I could to make him happy. When I got into soft ball, he never missed any of my games. He was always in the crowd, always cheering the loudest. He was so happy when we made it to state finals. I still remember the look in his eyes when he walked in to find me kissing the state champion pitcher. He had come to the hotel room we were staying at to take me out for a victory dinner. He had burst into the room, his arms full of a huge bouquet of roses. Complete with a vase and all. I didn't even know he was there until I heard the glass shatter. The flowers went everywhere. He just stood there and stared at me like I was a stranger, like I had become someone he didn't know in the matter of a few hours." Emily sat quietly as Alexis became lost in her thoughts. "I walked up to him, tried to explain." Alexis began again. "I told him that it wasn't what it looked like. I kept telling him how sorry I was. He wouldn't listen. He just stood there. When he finally spoke, he... he broke my heart. He looked past me as if I didn't even exist. He stared past me, past Susan, out the hotel window and told me he no longer had a daughter. `You no longer have a home. You don't have a family. You don't have a father.' He said, looking at me finally." Alexis didn't notice the tears that were falling down her face until Emily wiped them away, bringing her back to the present.
"Babe, I had no idea. What did you do?"
"I looked to Susan for help. She gave me comfort that night, but the next day, she left me standing there. She knew that I had no where to go. She kissed me, told me she loved me and walked away. The school bus dropped us off in front of the school. Everyone else's parent's showed up but mine. The coach waited with me for hours. When he finally got fed up and took me to his house to call them, he got the same response I had. They no longer had a daughter. I wasn't their responsibility anymore." A sob caught in her throat. "I had friends whose parents let me spend the night. I was passed around while the school tried to figure out what to do with me. They finally decided I had to become a ward of the state. I was fifteen." Emily pulled Alexis to her and held her until she had cried herself to sleep.
The next few days were hectic, yet full of laughter and love. Emily loved to stand back and just watch their families interact. She was so proud of how well Sora did with the younger kids. He and his cousins played well together. Alex took care of the business while Emily enjoyed the company of her family. The subject of Alexis' family was dropped. Emily wanted to talk to her about it, yet it never seemed the right time. With the upcoming trip there were so many little things to take care of. Even with Alex looking over things, Emily would find time to sneak away and help wrap up last minute details. In the ten or so years since the doors had opened, they had never went away for more than a long weekend together. This time, they weren't sure how long they would be gone and needed to make sure that everything was in place for their business to keep running while they were gone.
"A penny for your thoughts?" Sarah asked as she sat down next to her sister a few mornings later.
"I didn't even hear you walk in."
"I didn't realize anyone else would be up. I was trying to be quiet. You were lost in your own world when I walked in."
Emily nodded silently and looked back out the window. "Alexis and I usually are the first ones up. We love the quiet time together before the world starts moving."
Sarah took a sip of her coffee. "This is a beautiful view." The two sisters sat silently, drinking their coffee, each lost in their own thoughts. "Where is Alex this morning?" Sarah inquired after a few minutes.
"Hmmm? Oh, she drove in town to sign for our tickets and do some last minute errand in town." Emily replied.
"Emily, may I ask you something?"
Emily turned to look at her sister. "Anything. You should know that by now."
"Why didn't you come? I know I have no right to ask after everything we've put you and your family through, I just need to know. Why wasn't it you? Why did it take Piper and Brant to get us here?"
Emily sighed and looked down into her coffee. "You want the truth?"
"Haven't we always been honest with each other?"
Emily raised her eyebrow at that statement. "Okay, so maybe that wasn't the best way to say that, but when it was just us, we didn't hold anything back. Before... well before all of this."
"Ok, truth then. I was scared. I was scared that you would push me away; that you would want nothing to do with me. I was scared you had changed your mind and that you were going to be just like daddy."
"I never agreed with what he did. I thought you knew that."
"I thought I knew a lot of things at the time. I thought that I could trust you and that you could trust me too."
Emily watched the pain that filled her sister's eyes and wished she could take back her words, but they had already been spoken.
"How can you forgive me and still hold it over my head?" Sarah's broken voice asked as a tear rolled down her cheek.
Emily reached out and softly wiped it away. "It's sometimes easier to forgive than it is to forget. I'm sorry Sarah. I don't know how to trust anymore. It took a lot out of me when you left. You weren't just my sister you were my best friend. I had problems trusting myself after that much less anyone else. It caused a lot of problems for Alex and I. She hated that I couldn't trust her anymore and she had done nothing to deserve it."
Sarah nodded. "I wish I could go back and take it all away. I wish..."
"Hind sight is 20/20. What's done is done. There is no going back. So we just have to learn how to move forward. Looking back just causes us more pain. We take inventory, figure out what we need to keep going and then do just that. Keep going."
Sarah looked up at her sister and smiled. "When did you become so wise?" She asked with a small smile.
"When my sister wasn't around to be the deep, intellectual one." Emily said, reaching over to pull her sister into a hug.
Alex walked in and smiled at the two women sharing an embrace at the kitchen table. "How's it going?" Sarah asked over her sister's shoulder.
"Everything is all set." Alexis poured herself a cup of coffee and joined them at the table. "Is everything alright?"
Sarah looked at Emily and they both nodded. "Just having a sisterly talk."
Alexis nodded and smiled. "It really is good to see you around here again. I just wish that you guys didn't live so far away."
Sarah looked out the window and sighed. "You and me both."
******************************************************************************************* "So this is it, huh?" Piper said as she closed the back of the Jeep.
"That's it, luggage wise away. I just wish we could have convinced Brant to come with."
Piper leaned against her brother's car and looked at her mother. "You know how he is mom. Give him some time, and probably some space, and he'll come around in his own time."
"I know. I'm sorry. I shouldn't be complaining to you. You're right though."
"You know, I'm not a kid anymore, right?" Piper said with a smile.
"You're not completely grown yet either. You're only fifteen, but I do get your point. You have been amazing these last few weeks. I can't believe how mature and responsible you have become."
"I've always been mature and responsible; I've just recently decided it was time to show you that wonderful quality that is me." Piper said with a cocky smile.
"Yeah, well I can still take you over my knee and don't you forget it either little miss." Emily said, putting her daughter into a head lock.
"What is going on in here?" Alexis said as she heard the laughing and yelling coming from the garage.
"I decided to show our daughter who is boss around here."
"Oh, really? That should be easy. The boss around here just walked in the door and she thinks its time to stop playing and get a move on." Alexis said with a smile.
Emily dropped her arm from around Piper's neck. "Oh, so you think YOU are the boss, huh?" Emily let the sarcasm seep into her voice. She looked at Piper and saw her daughter nod slightly. "Is that so?" Emily said taking a step toward her partner.
"Wait. Maybe that came out wrong." Alex said wearily. "What I meant was, you, my dear, are CLEARLY the boss, and I just fill in when you are not around." Alex took a few steps back and realized she was trapped.
"Uh huh, I am sure that is what you meant." Emily said taking another step forward. Alexis watched Emily look at their daughter again.
"What are you two up to?" Alexis asked as she side stepped along the garage door.
"Get her!" Emily exclaimed as she lunged for Alexis.
"Huh?!? Wait!" Alexis jumped to the side, narrowly missing being caught by her love. She made a frantic dash for the door. "No fair. It's two against one!" She yelled as Emily and Piper chased after her laughing. "We are going to miss our plane if we don't leave soon." She reasoned with no avail. "Stop!" Alex yelled as she slid across the living room floor, trying not to run into her niece. It was not enough warning for her pursuers to come to a complete stop. Rae jumped out of the way as Emily and Piper came crashing into Alexis, sending her flying towards the floor.
"Can we go now?" Alexis mock-cried from her landing spot. "This area rug doesn't have enough padding. No wonder Sora always cried when he fell down on it."
"What's going on? Is everything okay?" Sarah asked as she walked into the living room to see Piper still leaning on her mother's back to keep from falling over and Alexis laid out on the floor.
Emily and Piper stood up and smiled sheepishly. "We were just showing Lexie who was boss around here?"
"What did you do? Try and knock it into her?" Sarah asked as she helped Alexis from the floor.
"I guess you could put it that way."
"It was my fault mommy. Aunt Lexie was just trying to make sure that they didn't run into me. She got knocked over by Aunt Emily and Piper." Rae chimed in from her hiding spot behind the over stuffed chair.
"I didn't even see you over here." Sarah said with a smile as she reached down to retrieve her daughter from behind the chair.
"I was trying to get out of the way. Are we going home to see daddy now?" Rae asked happily.
"Yes, if your aunts and cousins are ready, we are going to go get on the airplane to see daddy." Rae struggled to get out of her mother's arms and ran to her aunts as soon as she was let down.
"Aunt Lexie, Aunt Emily, are you guys ready to go?"
Emily smiled down at her raven-haired niece and smiled. "Let me get Sora and then we are ready."
"I've been waiting out by the car." Sora said from behind them.
"Well, I guess we are all set then." Alexis said softly.
"What's going to happen once we get there?" Emily asked as she leaned back into her seat. In just a few short hours their plane would be landing and they would be that much closer to the unknown.
Alexis looked over at Emily and gave her the biggest smile that she could. "I don't know love, but I do know that no matter what I will be right there by your side."
Emily reached for her hand and squeezed. "I don't know what I would do without you. My rock." Emily's eyes glazed over as she thought about the past. Alexis let her slip into her memories as she softly stroked her hand.
"You know, I've missed him?" Emily said in a far off voice.
Alex nodded. "I know."
"And the bad thing is, even as much as I have missed him, I don't know if I can forgive him." Both Alexis and Emily fell into a comfortable silence, the minutes stretching on. "How am I supposed to look at him, as sick as he is, and tell him I don't know if I can forgive him? From what everyone is telling me, he could be gone anytime. I don't know if I could forgive myself for not letting go of the past." Emily looked over at Alexis hopelessly.
"I wish I had the answers for you. It's different for you because he is your brother. I don't know if I can forgive him either but I know that I wont have the guilt to carry around that you would. Just pray that God gives you the strength that you can get through this. No matter what happens I have faith that when the time comes you will make the right decision."
"You were always the one who believed in me." Emily said, leaning into her love.
"That's just because you are so damn cute and I can't help but love you." Alexis said tipping Emily's head up so that their lips brushed against one another's.
"Something is wrong." Sarah said as she kneeled by her sister's seat shortly after they landed. Emily could tell by the look of fear in her eyes that something was definitely wrong