I've never written anything like this before. Most of my writing skills are showed off in the form of analytical essays for my political science professors. You see, I'm a junior at a small private college in New England; I'm sure that narrows it down for you all. Oh yeah, I'm gay. I haven't told anyone -- well, outside of my best friend Keith and a few other select people.
I'd known Keith since I was 10. He moved in across the street from me the summer before I started 5th grade. He was a year older so we didn't get to go to school with each other but we did hang out every day after school and on weekends we were pretty inseparable. From the beginning of our friendship we played games like truth or dare that eventually led to some type of typical childhood sex play. By the time he was in eighth grade he grew out of it. It wasn't that he talked about it, we just stopped doing it. Not that it was any big deal to him, nothing in our friendship changed. Thank God.
When I was sixteen I decided that it was time to tell him the truth about me. It wasn't easy. We were hanging out watching TV on a Friday night when I told him. "Keith, umm, I don't know how to tell you this--" Then he was just like "You're gay, it's about time you told me." And then he started laughing. I was dumbfounded. I almost protested his accusation, but I just couldn't get the words out of my mouth. I asked him how long he'd known and he just said it was before we stopped fooling around. He apologized for putting an end to our fun, then I just started crying.
He put his arm on my shoulder and told me it'd be all right. Then he got up and left the room. I wanted him to be there just so I wouldn't be alone, and that made me just cry even more. He reentered the room a minute later and tapped me on the shoulder. In his hand was a copy of Playguy magazine. I looked up at him, then the magazine, then back at him. He had the biggest smile on his face. And I just started laughing and then he gave me a hug and told me he'd always be my friend and that he'd always be there for me. The he informed me that I better fuckin appreciate the rag cause the guy behind the counter at the porn shop hit on him when he bought it.
That did it for me. I started laughing and I tackled him. We fought for a few minutes trying to gain the upper hand when he got on top of me and started to gaze into my eyes. And he leaned forward and began to kiss me. Just kidding. We fought for a while and eventually I got the upper hand and started to playfully slap him on the face. Just cause I'm a fag doesn't mean I can't fight. I beat him till he begged me to stop. And I did, cause that was the rule we had.
That night we stayed up till the sun came up and we just talked. He asked me what it was like to be gay, what kind of guys I liked and all these other questions that I wasn't really expecting to answer. I told him I loved him that night. I loved him for being my friend, and that I loved him for letting me be his friend. He told me to shut the fuck up cause we were about to get all emotional and then he'd have to beat the shit outta me. "Bring it on bitch." That's what I told him, and he just started laughing.
I did love Keith, more than I could have ever let him know I did. But I knew I could never have him and there was no sense in complicating a friendship as special as ours was. He knew deep down inside how I felt, but it was an unspoken agreement that we just couldn't touch that one thing. Why did I love Keith so much? Hmm, this is a story in itself...
My personality makes me a very shy person. Keith is the total opposite. He was somewhat of a minor troublemaker but knew when to stop fooling around. He would stop at just the right moment and then he would flash that incredible smile of his. He had one of those smiles that just lights up a room. You could tell that he was just happy with life and his happiness rubbed off on you. My parents loved him and my mother loved that I hung around with this goofy kid. Keith was a very good looking guy. Nothing truly spectacular, but he was easily an 8-9 out of 10. His smile though -- that just put you over the edge.
Keith was about 6'1" 170lbs. He had brown eyes and hair. He was the class clown, and because I was friends with him I too was popular. He was easy to like, while I took a little bit more getting used to before people started to truly warm up to me. I never really thought of myself as incredible looking. I'm only 5'9" 155lbs, blond hair, brown eyes. I have a pretty smooth chest. I'm kinda self-conscience about my body. Sometimes I think I'm fat and disgusting and other times I really don't mind it at all and actually find it really attractive. I dunno, must be the chick in me or something.
The Summer after Keith graduated high school we'd show up to the wide assortment of graduation parties that stretched from graduation night till right before the class of 97 all left for college. After one of these parties Keith was just like: "Man, Greg, I wish I could just be you for like one day." I gave him this weird look and asked him to explain himself. He told me that there were so many girls who wanted me and were always talking about what a sweet guy I was and how cute I was. Then he went even further. He told me that I had this way of making the people around me feel special. Like, even when I just met someone and was shy and couldn't look them in the eye when I talked to them or when they talked to me. He just said that people felt safe around me.
Keith left for college a few days after that conversation. I was sad; we had dinner together and I stayed up all night with him and helped him pack. We didn't have a tearful goodbye or anything. Just a hug. I did cry when I got back home. He was always so strong for me. And he wasn't going to be as big a part of my life any more. Plus, I was alone.
In high school Keith always told me I should just come out to everyone. He said that people liked me enough where they wouldn't care about who I wanted to fuck. I told him it just wasn't that easy for me. We argued about it, but eventually he respected my opinion. I guess it would have been great if I came out in high school. No offense to anyone out there, but the three or so gay guys who were out in my high school were on fire. While I do have an affinity for Abercrombie, Old Navy, Gap, J. Crew, and Banana Republic, as well as for Bette Midler and Barbara Streisand, and Broadway, I never considered myself a "fag." I was a high school athlete. I was a 2nd Team All-Conference soccer player my senior year. I was a good enough basketball point guard that I was recruited by several Division III schools (as well as a couple D2 schools), and I also played tennis. I was #3 singles my senior year, but I really only played to spend more time with Keith.
Keith was the league's star tennis player. He even became the first player ever from our high school to make it to the semi-finals of the state tournament. He received a partial scholarship to play at the University of Connecticut. I was happy for him, but sad that he was going to be so far away from home. Both Rutgers and Seton Hall recruited him, but he had to get out of New Jersey. I was dying to go up to see him all year, but with soccer, basketball, college applications, and everything else going on in my life I couldn't get up there till my spring break. It was a good four hour drive up to UCONN but it was well worth it.
Keith had pledged Sigma Chi and was basically the man on his campus, well, as much a man as a freshmen could be anyway. He was friends with EVERYONE it seemed. He even had a couple gay friends who he claimed would be perfect for me if I wanted to meet them.
"Greg, dude, this one guy, Jeff, he's a tennis player, he's out of the closet and no one really cares, and the people that would care would never know he's gay." Reluctantly I agreed to meet this Jeff kid. I was kind of embarrassed that he had it all set up in his mind that I was going to meet this knight in shining armor, but I relented and decided I'd let him introduce me to his friend. Jeff was a senior and had a single. His dorm was much nicer, much cleaner, and much quieter than Jeff's triple in the "Jungle." Jeff walked me over there and Keith met us at the door. He was wearing typical college fare and looked like he was all ready for a night on the town -- or at least the UCONN cafeteria. He was a total Abercrombie boy. He had the flannel with the arms rolled up, the cargo pants, work boots, and to top it all off: the fisherman's hat. After I finished checking out his body I got caught up in his eyes. They were this amazing green color. I'd never seen eyes like that before and they just held you there. Even if you wanted to look away you just couldn't. He smiled politely and shook my hand, clearly as embarrassed as I was over the awkwardness of the situation. The walk to the cafeteria wasn't too long and along the way Jeff and Keith made conversation. They mostly talked about practice and how much fun they had on their spring break trip to Miami.
Dinner was fun, despite the food. After we got more comfortable together Jeff and I talked to each other, and soon Keith quietly slipped away and left us alone.
We were both a little uncomfortable at Keith's actions but we decided to make the most of it. He asked me what I wanted to do, and I told him he knew the area better than me. He laughed and said, "Well, we could always go cow tipping." I laughed and was just like "Nahh." He asked if I'd ever been to Hartford. I told him I'd visited Trinity but otherwise no, I hadn't. So, we got into his car and drove to Hartford. It was about a half hour drive and along the way we listened to his Fiona Apple CD. We made pleasant conversation and he asked me which colleges I was applying to and I ran off the list that I had been quite used to saying: The College of New Jersey (my safety and absolute last choice), Trinity, Amherst, Bowdoin, Colby, Connecticut College, and Hobart. He was impressed with the quality of schools I was applying to and I just kinda blushed and said thanks.
Hmm, before I go any further maybe I should describe this boy. He was 6'3" 180lbs. Like I said, he had green eyes, but he also had brown hair with blond highlights. His hair was kinda shaggy, like a hippie tennis player -- he fit the role just right. He was a sweet guy though, and although he wasn't too outwardly outgoing you could tell that there was a lot more to him than meets the eye. Like, I had this feeling that he was partly serious about the whole cow tipping thing.
We drove around Hartford for a little bit, mainly staying in the downtown and commercial area, but we accidentally strode off to one of the more sketchy areas of the city. He parked the car a block away from Bushnell Park and we walked over to the little pond there. He told me that this was one of his favorite places in the state. He told me how he was from Washington, but wasn't a city boy at heart. He liked being around lots of people, but also liked the idea of being able to just disappear. That's what attracted him to UCONN. He liked that fact that Storrs was basically in the middle of nowhere, but just a short hop to Hartford or Boston in case he got restless.
There was that uncomfortable silence after he said that and we just looked at each other and smiled. He told me the truth about how he felt about meeting me: how at first he felt really silly, like Keith was asking him to baby sit a high school kid, but that he really thought I was a cool guy. I told him it was cool and that he was definitely a great guy; then I added "with incredible eyes." I got this stupid grin on my face and just blushed like "What the fuck did I just say that for?"
We decided to get back to campus. The entire way back we talked about sports. We talked about UCONN basketball and how good they were going to be next year, especially if Richard Hamilton and Khalid El-amin stuck around for another year. He basically only knew about UCONN so I couldn't talk about my beloved Rutgers, oh well. We got back to his room and hung out, watched a little SNL, downed a couple cans of Beast Ice and just had a nice time. Then that uncomfortable silence hit again and we just sat their on the couch staring at each other.
By this time he'd changed into a pair of champion shorts and a t-shirt while I was still wearing my cargo shorts, Abercrombie t-shirt, and Rutgers hat. Like I said, we were just staring at each other. Then, he got up, put in an Eagles CD and asked me if I wanted to dance. I tried not to seem too eager, but I really wanted to so I danced with him. It was the most incredible feeling having my arms around him. I looked up at him slightly and he bent down and kissed me softly on my lips. I held him tighter and let my head rest on his strong chest and just enjoyed the feeling of absolute happiness and comfort that was permeating throughout my entire body.
We danced probably for about two more minutes when I got hard. That was pretty embarrassing. He had to have felt it, I'm not hung like a horse or anything, but 6" is at least noticeable. And the way it was positioned wasn't exactly making it inconspicuous. Jeff kissed me again, this time it was deeper and it involved some tongue. His mouth tasted so good, I really couldn't get enough of it. I explored all of his mouth with my tongue and then he gently kissed my lips and gave me one kiss on the cheek before pulling away. He laughed as he felt my bit `o wood protruding into his leg. Once again, I blushed a bit. He said it was ok, it was to be expected, especially since I was dancing with such a stud. I laughed.
He really was a stud. He was missing the silly hat and for the first time I was looking into his eyes and seeing his entire face. He really was beautiful. And he really had an incredible body. He was proportioned perfectly and tall. You gotta love tall guys. We moved over to his bed and laid down. I went for his shirt and he told me to stop. He knew this would be my first time and wanted it to be absolutely perfect. I told him that this was and that he was and he just smiled. We didn't do anything that night, we slept close together and he snuggled in behind me and just spooned. It was the most peaceful night's sleep I'd ever had.
I woke up the next morning alone. I was kinda worried but the TV was on and he was awake. He told me it was noon and he'd had to get up early and go to practice. I got up, took a shower and then we walked to his car. I asked him what he had planned for the day and he told me it was a surprise. We went to a roller rink. It was kind of funny, not the most romantic of afternoons but it was fun. I mean, I know it wasn't love, if anything, it was just a crush on my part, but we could have walked across the Connecticut River and I would have had the best time with him.
After our trip to Rollerrama we went to lunch -- at Friendly's. Then we went to the movies. We caught Titanic at a second run movie theater so at least it was cheap. We held hands during the more tense parts of the movies and both reached for a napkin to wipe the tears out of our eyes at about the same time. Well, I think he would have had tears in his had he not been laughing at me. It was about 9:00 when we got back to his dorm, and there was a table set and candles lit, and a box of pizza on the table. I laughed and told him it was perfect.
"For Keith this is pretty good."
"Was this planned from the start?"
"Nah, this was planned this morning at practice. By then I knew I wanted to do something special for you."
"Hehe, thanks." Then I stole a kiss from him.
Dinner was pleasant and the pizza was good. We mostly talked though. I asked him some personal type questions like when he came out. He told me the story and even though his family didn't take it well at first, they loved him enough where they've eventually come to accept it. Especially his two younger brothers. His brother Jimmy's (20) best friend in high school was gay and came out right after Jeff did. Steve (15) was even better. He was only 12 when Jeff came out and was just really funny about it. He was like Keith in the way that he wanted to know everything about what it was like being gay. Obviously Jeff was a bit uncomfortable telling his 12 year old brother how two guys had sex, but Steve probably knew everything that Jeff had to tell him anyway, so no harm done.
We finished our pizza and Jeff and I both went down the hall to the bathroom to freshen up a bit. I think we both took extra long showers -- making sure to wash all the important parts. We got back to his room and just sat on the couch in each other's arms watching PCU on his VCR. Throughout the course of the movie I moved closer to him where eventually I was lying on the couch with my head in his lap. He stroked my hair and told me how cute I looked. I think he actually drifted off to sleep for a few minutes but my laughter caused him to wake up rather abruptly, and in more ways than one I might add. It was the part when Gutter was sent out to get beer for the big bash and he ran into that old lady and thought she said, "Could you kiss me where the panties are." Well, that' one of my favorite parts in the whole flick.
Well, through my laughter my head must've rubbed up and down on his crotch cause I felt this poking sensation on the side of my head. Needless to say I was quite aroused by his excitement and I sported my own woody a couple seconds later. I looked up at him and he stared back at me with a mischievous grin on his face and he bent down to kiss me. I reluctantly left the safe and comfortable confines of his lap as he motioned for us to move over to the bed. I lied down and he positioned himself on top of me...
Hmm, I think that this is pretty good how it is. I kinda like these characters and feel dirty getting into the more intimate parts of this budding friendship or whatever. Let me know if this is good or not and where you think it should go.
Visit to Uconn part 2
OK, I apologize for not having written the second part to this story in a while, but I'm not too busy right now so I figured I'd might as well do something to occupy some time. Thanks to all the people who wrote me, I really was not expecting that sort of response.
I decided to take a different turn at this point. After reading some of the better stories on here (particularly Confusion) I've wanted to know what was going on through the mind of the other guy during the initial meeting and so on. Now, I'm worried that this may get somewhat repetitive so I apologize if this gets kinda redundant for all of you.
Oh yeah, to the guy who said I might have a Judeo-Christian problem in feeling guilty about the whole sex things. I appreciate the concern, but I don't think its really founded. I just kind of liked the characters, and its like when I feel bad about thinking of my friends having sex (or having sex with my friends). Trust me, I have no problem with sex. Hehehe Anyway, on with the story ...
Visit to UCONN part 2
Keith was this hotshot freshman punk on the tennis team, although he was quite cute. Alas he was straight. Since he pledged Sigma Chi I figured I'd be better off not telling him outright that I was gay, but I guess I read him wrong. One day, probably a week into our summer preseason practices, he came right out and told me that it was cool I was gay and that his best friend from home was. I don't know why I felt relieved to hear that from him, but from the moment I first met him I had an idea that I wanted to be friends with this cute punk kid.
I'd been out since my freshmen year when I met Steve. Steve was a first year MBA student and was the TA in my Intro to Management class. First semester went by and all we did was say hi to each other in the hallways. It was a lecture class with about sixty students so there wasn't really too much interaction and there wasn't really a chance to get to know him outside of class. But all that made it easier for me to admire him from afar. And admire him I did. I know this sounds really cliche, but he really was a god. I mean, you could see his pecs through the shirt and his arms were pretty muscular. He was my teacher and I probably just had a bit of a crush on him.
That spring, well, that February (why do they call January spring in college???), I went to a party at AOPi with some guys on the tennis team and saw Steve there. Even though I was no longer a stupid first semester freshman I was a freshman no less, and got all giddy when I saw my former TA at the same party I was at. I was pretty drunk by the time I saw him and I went up to him and was like "Dude, holy shit, you were like my teacher and you're drunk at a party with me." He just laughed at me in a friendly way and turned to hang out with his friends some more.
By the end of the night I kind of got separated from my friends and ended up just kind of sitting on a couch by myself. Admittedly I was still having the time of my life even though I was by myself. For some reason, the feeling of almost total numbness fascinated me. Steve saw me by myself and was like "Chris,"
"Jeff," I corrected him.
"My bad man, you ok?"
"Oh yeah, I'm great."
"You don't look so good."
"Dude, I'm fine, look--"
I stood up and fell to my knees. Then I doubled over laughing. He picked me up and helped me to my feet. He put my arm around his shoulder and asked me where I lived. When I told him "the Jungle" he was just like, "Fuck that shit man, I am NOT walking your drunk ass all the way up there. You'll just have to stay at my place." By that time I was ready to sleep on a rock, and I guess the opportunity to spend more time with him was appealing, so I agreed. He lived in a small apartment that was a ten minute walk away from the sorority house. It probably would have taken less if he had 180 fewer pounds of dead weight hanging off his shoulder.
When we got to his apartment I really did not feel too good. He took me to the bathroom and stood over me while I tried to puke. He told me to just let it out and stick my fingers down my throat just to get it over with quicker. I couldn't do that and commented that he seemed to have practice at this ritual. Steve informed me that on several occasions during his college experience he had bowed to the porcelain god. I laughed, and that got the stomach rolling. I puked for a good half hour and when I was done he helped me up and lay me on the couch.
I woke up at 4:00 the next afternoon. He was in his room when he heard me kind of stumble into the bathroom. When I was finished with my business he greeted me with a "good morning sleeping beauty." I mumbled something about practice.
"Unless you have Saturday practice at 4:00 you've missed a good portion of it."
"What?"
"Huh?"
"What'd you just say?"
"I said: `Unless you have practice at 4:00 today, you missed it.'"
"Why, what time is it?"
"Umm, 4:15."
"Fuck me." I said kind of under my breath.
"Nah."
"Huh."
"I hardly know you."
"Whatever," I said, and smiled.
I spent the rest of the evening with him in his apartment. We ordered out for Chinese food and watched some TV. His couch was really only a love seat and our legs were touching. I was wearing a pair of his shorts, which were kind of baggy on me since he was a lot bigger than I was (but I had height baby). After a little while I felt the tingle of his leg hair touching mine. Well, that set me off. Here I was, sitting with this 23 year old, 5'10" 190lbs muscular stud of a man and my 18 year old cock could not contain itself. I mean that literally. The head of my 7in. prick was sticking out the leg of my borrowed shorts. I was frozen with fright. Luckily, I was able to cover it up, but all that did was bush my shorts up in one giant tent. Steve looked down at the ruckus I was causing and just kind of smiled. I must have turned about 30 shades of red.
"After what I saw you do last night, don't be worried about sporting a little wood."
"Sorry man, seems to have a mind of its own."
"Hey, it happens."
That said, he got up, adjusted his hard cock, and asked if I wanted a soda. He got me a Coke and got himself a Woodchuck. After I finished the soda I told him I should get going. He asked what my rush was, and I just said I should get back to my room. I guess at this point he was sick of the little games and decided to get a little more bold. He flat out said that I'd be just as comfortable in his bed as in my own.
"Huh."
"You heard me, Jeff."
"Steve."
"Come on."
"Steve--I mean--uhh--"
"Oh shit, you mumbled some stuff in your sleep man--Oh God--"
"What?!?!"
"Oh man, I'm sorry. Fuck, this is so embarrassing."
"No, no ... I mean--"
I was kind of worried about accepting his advances; but God, I wanted him. He took my hand and we went to his bedroom. He kissed me. The first time I ever kissed another guy and I couldn't get enough of it. It was probably a little clumsy at firs. I think I just attacked his mouth, and he flat out told me to stop. Then he took my face in his hands and gently kissed me. He kissed my lower lip and sucked on it a little. I was in heaven, but I needed more. I reached for his tee-shirt and lifted it over his head. I couldn't believe his body. He had perfect pecs that were lightly covered in hair and a trail that went all the way into his shorts. I touched his pecs with both my hands. Hesitantly at first, but then I got a little more daring. Then I pulled him into me and we kissed again. All the while I had my hands all over his body. I slipped them underneath the back of his shorts and could feel his ass hair. He moaned as I reached his hole and held my face in his hands as he kissed me as hard as he could. Then he let go and slid my shirt off.
I felt somewhat self-conscience of my body compared to his. I had a nice body, smooth and somewhat defined, but compared to him I felt really scrawny. I had a good 5in on the guy, but he was so much stronger than me. God that was such a turn on. Just knowing that whenever I was with him I would be safe. That thought made me totally willing to submit myself to him. He bent his head down and sucked on my nipples and that drove me insane. I squirmed all over his bed. Then I started moaning. Loud. He looked up at me.
"Sensitive nipples eh?"
"I guess so."
"You guess, you mean no one's ever sucked your nips for ya?"
"No one's ever done anything for me."
"Wait! You mean to tell me that this is your first time?"
"Well, yeah--"
"Hmm, this kind of puts some pressure on me to make this good for you."
"Dude, you're doin' fine man. Trust me, it's all good."
That said he resumed his work on my now hard nipples and I resumed my moaning. He slid the shorts on me and commented about me having a pretty nice cock. I must admit, I do have a nice cock. It's seven cut inches with a bit of an upward curve to it. A nice patch of medium brown pubes, with a few scraggly hair around my balls and leading up to my ass crack. I look good naked, well, except for a slight gut out of tennis season, but it looks cute. Anyway, he moved his head closer to my cock and the second he put his lips around it I blew my load. He swallowed some of it, probably because there was absolutely no warning for it whatsoever. I apologized profusely, but he just laughed. He took me in his big strong arms and sat me on his lap.
"Jeff, we're gonna have to try that again, man."
"I'm SO sorry."
"Dude--"
"That's so embarrassing."
"Dude--"
"I'm SO sorry!!!"
"It's cool. You're young, you can go again ... and again ... and again."
I gave him a peck on the nose and told him it was his turn. I was just completely mesmerized by his body. God, he was such a man. I mean, from the strong build, to the bit of chest hair. He was such a turn on. Just looking at him got me hard again. I had to take those shorts off and see what he was packing. Wow! He had about 6in, but those were 6 thick mother fuckin' inches! His cock was as thick two of mine. I just had to go down on him. I was a little nervous at the taste, but I got a bit of his precum and totally loved that. It had this salty taste that I couldn't get enough of.
While I was sucking him he had to stop to tell me to cover my teeth with my lips. Yet another embarrassment. After about 10 minutes my jaw really got tired and I don't think I was doing anything for him. He lifted me up and kissed me. Then he laid me on my back and got on top of me. He went to work on my neck and earlobes and just drove me crazy. God, he was so good. I felt terrible that I couldn't make him feel as good as he did me. Then it happened again. The friction from his chest rubbing up against my cock cause me to shoot for the second time that night. He felt the few drops of cum that probably just dribbled out of my spent cock and looked up at me and smiled. He told me not to worry, that this night was for me, and he was having more fun than I could possibly know. I cuddled up to him, played with his cock for a little while, and fell asleep on his shoulder. That was a nice sleep.
Over the next year we worked on my bedside manner, and after a few more tries I had no trouble making him cum -- and I lasted a whole lot longer than three minutes. Being with Steve from that night on through my sophomore year began my coming out process. By the end of the semester I was comfortably open about my sexuality. I didn't flaunt it, but I didn't hide it either. A few people gave me dirty looks, but I guess the fact that I wasn't the typical UConn fag helped to save me some grief. The fact that I looked like a guy, talked like a guy, walked like a guy, played a sport (OK, I know tennis isn't exactly football), and went to basketball games like every other undergrad definitely helped me overcome the fag stereotype. Unfortunately Steve got a job in LA after he got his MBA and our relationship ended. We're still friends, but neither of us wanted to go through the stress of continuing a relationship that was 3000 miles apart.
Okay, well, part 2 wasn't exactly what I thought it was going to be. Next time (whenever that's going to be) I'll get into Jeff's perspective of meeting Greg. I think it will be interesting to see his reaction to the events.