Hey everyone, here's a little shortie from me. Once again, no smut ::gasp!:: Anyway, hope you like it!
EVIL DISCLAIMER: They are so not gay.
===== Waiting For You Copyright 2000 Ice
Oceans apart day after day And I slowly go insane I hear your voice on the line But it doesn't stop the pain
Dear Josh,
Hey darling. God, this is so hard. This has to be at least the fifth time I've tried to write this letter. I don't even know yet if I'll actually mail this one out, either. Well, if I break down and actually send it, then right now you're touring in Europe, Berlin to be specific. And again, I can't be there to hold you in your bunk at night or hold your hand under the restaurant tables like we used to do years ago during Nsync's fame. Don't misunderstand what I'm trying to say baby (how fucking Tearin Up My Heart is that?), I'm ecstatic for you and your career. Everyone knew you would be having a solo career after Nsync. I was so happy when you signed, do you remember? We came home and celebrated that night. So no, I'm not in any way upset that you're having a solo career, not at all. It's just... Josh, do you remember the last time you were home for more than a week? This distance is killing me. Every time you leave, the tear in my heart grows a little bit bigger. And I know that I can't go with you on tour, what would everyone think? No one knows we live together as it is. Shit, they all still think you live in that apartment. Baby, we've been together for 8 years, 5 of them after Nsync ended, and besides our parents we haven't told a soul about us. It's hard enough trying to pretend that I'm not desperately in love with you when we're around our friends, but it's even harder trying not to cry every time someone mentions your name when you're gone. Goddamnit Josh, the last time Joey asked me what the fuck my problem was, I almost spit out "I miss having my brains fucked out by Josh and I miss holding him and kissing him at night and I miss not having him here in our house and I miss not being able to look at him and see the lust in his eyes while we make love." Yeah, that would've been a great way to get him to shut up. He probably would've fainted. Baby, I'm slowly getting off topic here. The reason I'm writing you... Fuck, this is so hard. Josh, I love you more than life. That's the reason I'm letting you go.
If I see you next to never Then how can we say forever
Josh. I know this is just as hard for you as it is for me. When was the last time I saw you without the aid of a video phone? When was the last time I touched your face? When was the last time I held you in my arms? I can't remember. But I do remember the last time I talked to you. Your morning phone call. Wherever you are, you always call at 8 in the morning, to wake me up with a smile on my face. And wherever you are, I know you cried last night because I didn't call you with my nightly phone call, to send you to sleep knowing that I love you. I couldn't Josh. I walked around the block for two hours when I knew that you would be laying down. I stared at the phone when I came in like it was going to bite me. How could I call you and let you listen to the tears in my voice? If I called you last night I would have cried your name and begged for you to come home and forget your career. I would have told you I love you more than anything and if you loved me too you would do what was right for US. I would have been selfish and told you that I was going to publicly announce our relationship just so I could fly out there and grab you and kiss you right in front of the arena of your next concert and let all the photographers take pictures of us to publish in their goddamn newspapers and magazines. It was so hard to talk to you yesterday morning knowing that I knew I wasn't going to call you last night. Fuck, it's 5 AM right now. I can't be here to take your phone call. If I do, I'll have to listen to you and hear you painfully ask me why I didn't call you last night. I can't do this anymore baby. You know that I love you more than anything in this world, anything in my life. But that's why I'm doing this, don't you see? It's destroying me. I can't look at a picture of you without crying and longing to hold you. I know you're still not ready to tell the world about us and that's ok baby. But until you are, and until I can soothe this aching pain in my heart, I want you to know that I'll be right here. I'll be waiting for the day I can hold your hand as we walk into Planet Hollywood together. Eight years of hiding. I can't hide anymore. I'm not giving you an ultimatum. I'm not going to make you choose. I'm telling you that whenever you are ready to not look over your shoulder as we drive together to our house, whenever you are ready to hold my hand across a table as we eat dinner, whenever you are ready to go to a friend's party with my arm draped over your shoulder, whenever you are ready to kiss me in the middle of a movie theater, whenever you are ready to tell me you love me no matter where we are, I'll be right here baby. I'll be waiting for you. I love you, always and in all ways.
Justin
Wherever you go Whatever you do I will be right here Waiting for you Whatever it takes Or how my heart breaks I will be right here Waiting for you
Joshua Scott Chasez stared out his hotel room window. Tears were flowing endlessly down his face. In his hand, he held a letter. He clutched the letter while he cried. Looking down at the words on the page, he read the last line over. 'Always and in all ways...'
He knew he had to make a decision. This choice would change his life. JC reached down into his discarded jeans and pulled out his wallet. Opening to his license, he reached behind it and pulled out a folded picture. He opened it and looked down.
/What would I give for that right now.\ He thought.
The picture showed two men laying together on a couch. One was on his back with the other draped across the left side of his body. The older man was nestled in the arms of the blonde, their legs intertwined. Their foreheads were resting against each other and both had peaceful looks on their faces.
JC ran his finger over the picture. His tears still flowing, he folded the picture back up and placed it behind his license. He stood up and walked over to his shoulder bag.
Taking out a dark blue t shirt, he pulled it over his head. He brought the fabric up to his nose and breathed deeply, taking in the fading scent of Cool Water on the shirt. Tears still leaking out of his eyes, he made his way to the bed.
He sat down on the side of the bed, glancing at the clock quickly. 8:47. Looking next to the clock, he glared at the phone. It would be so easy to just pick it up and dial and pretend the letter never even reached him...
/No.\ He shook his head. There was no way he could call him and not break down.
Falling onto his back with a sigh, he took deep breaths. His face slowly crumpled up again. Rolling over he buried his face into the pillows and reached out to the other side of the bed. He could almost feel the tight abs underneath his hand. His hand closed into a fist and he gripped at the sheets as anguished sobs wracked his body.
I took for granted all the times That I thought would last somehow I hear the laughter I taste the tears But I can't get near you now
The pounding woke him up. Whether it was the pounding on the door or in his head, he couldn't be sure. He groggily made his way to the door and opened it. Mike handed him a stapled sheet, nodded and walked away. No words were exchanged with his PM.
Closing the door, he glanced at the clock again. 11:51 it blinked at him. Sighing, he sat down and looked over the schedule for the next two months. His eyes lit up when he saw the benefit for the children's hospital early on. He flipped through and kept looking, smiling when he saw the TRL segment they wanted him to do with MTV. After all these years, MTV still loved him.
He scanned the rest of the pages. More appearances, more concerts. Sighing, he threw himself backward onto the bed and looked towards the window. There it was, half wrinkled from the desperate way he was clutching it and laying innocently on the table. He glared at the white sheet of paper as if it bit him. He ripped his eyes away from the letter and stared at the ceiling. The tears were slowing down, but the pain in his heart was unyeilding. He knew in his heart what he had to do.
He picked up the phone and dialed his manager's number.
Oh can't you see it baby You've got me going crazy
/Fuck it.\ A bitter young man thought as he flipped through the channels in his living room. It'd been over a MONTH since he mailed that letter. /Obviously Josh wasn't ready to tell the world anything.\ Justin mulled, still heartbroken. Not one word. No letter back, no emails, no phone call. Nothing.
Justin took in a shaky breath and for the third time that night willed away his tears. He'd cried almost every day after he mailed the letter. Now he wished he hadn't even written it. If it meant he could hear JC's voice or open his email account and see a message from him waiting to be opened, then he would go back in time and rip the letter to shreds before it was mailed. Letting a lone tear streak down his face, he changed the station and there was Carson Daly with his nightly rerun of TRL. God, didn't MTV ever get sick of him?
Justin sighed and tossed the remote next to him on the couch and pushed himself to his feet. In only the grey sweatpants he had been wearing for three days straight and the chain holding a ring around his neck, he made his way to the kitchen.
He opened the fridge and peeked inside. Beer. Cheese. Mayonnaise. And there it was. The old carton of chinese take out from the last time JC was home. Justin refused to take it out, though the food was old. It was JC'S food, he couldn't get rid of it.
He sighed and shut the door. He reached up into the cabinet over the fridge and pulled out a bag of barbecue chips. He filled a glass with water and made his way back to the living room. He stopped short when he saw the tv.
"Yeah Carson, it's been a hard month with all the concerts but the end of the tour's actually next weekend so I'll get to go home and rest up until after the holidays when I go back into the studio to record the rest of the new album."
Justin stood shock still. There he was, in all his glory. JC Chasez looked beautiful. His hair was... And his smile... His clothes looked... Not to mention his eyes. Justin lost himself in those eyes many, many times before.
The doorbell rang.
"Yeah that's right, the new album's coming out late next summer. Well hey, you get to go home, which is always a major plus. Which home are you talking about now, back to Bowie, or Orlando?" Carson asked.
"Well actually, I don't live in Orlando anymore." JC informed Carson smiling. Justin dropped his bag of chips while Carson scratched behind his ear.
"Oh, you don't?" Carson asked, a tad confused.
"No, I live in Tampa with Justin. You remember Justin Timberlake, right Carson?" JC asked Carson still smiling.
Justin dropped his jaw.
The doorbell rang.
"Of course, how do you forget a guy like Justin?" Carson said laughing a little. JC joined him. "Why do you live with Justin, I thought after the band broke up that everyone went their seperate ways." Carson asked.
"Oh, no. We all still hang out, a lot actually. Not all together at once, since it's a little hard. Chris is living in California actually working on his clothing line so we only really get to see him during the holidays and some summers when he comes back home. But Joey and Lance still live in Orlando." JC said smiling and waiting patiently.
"Yeah well what about Justin, you live with him?" THERE it was.
Justin held his breath.
The doorbell rang.
"Oh, yeah. I've lived with my boyfriend for the past 5 years actually." JC started out grinning widely.
Justin dropped his glass of water.
Someone knocked at the door.
JC reached into his shirt and pulled something out on a chain around his neck.
"This is the promise ring he got me a few years ago, as some of my fans know I never take this necklace off. Now you all know why." JC said showing it to the camera.
Justin stared.
Carson stared.
Someone coughed.
Someone else knocked on the door.
Carson was brought out of his stare by the cough.
"Oh well yeah. That's cool man, never knew about that. See folks, ya learn something new every day. Hey JC, wanna introduce the number 4 video?" Carson turned to JC smiling.
Life went on.
Justin cried.
Someone pounded hard on the door.
*Wherever you go Whatever you do I will be right here Waiting for you
Whatever it takes Or how my heart breaks I will be right here Waiting for you*
Justin ran to the door and flung it open.
"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?!"
*I wonder how we can survive this romance But in the end if I'm with you I'll take the chance
Wherever you go Whatever you do I will be right here Waiting for you*
His eyes widened when he saw who was behind the door. The tears on his face glistened as he stepped onto the porch and threw his arms around the brunette's neck.
JC brought his arms up after a second and wrapped them around Justin's thin frame tightly. He lowered his face and breathed in the scent of Justin's hair. Justin let out a shuddered sigh and JC could feel the tears wet his neck. He kissed the top of Justin's curls then brought his face up gently with his hands.
Justin lost himself in those blue eyes.
Their lips touched and they were suddenly falling on the living room couch together. JC ran his hands through Justins curls as he cried. Justin's hands traveled over JC's body.
No words were spoken as they held each other and cried. None were needed.
JC reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a box. He took Justin's hand from around his waist with one hand as he opened the box with his other hand. He pulled out a ring and put it on Justin's left ring finger. Without looking up, he resumed his position with his head underneath Justin's chin. Justin brought up his hands to the back of JC's neck and undid his necklace. JC let Justin remove it and pull the ring off.
Justin found JC's hand and put the beautiful platinum promise ring on JC's finger. Then he wrapped his arms around JC and held him close. JC sighed when Justin kissed his forehead and they both closed their eyes.
And they slept.
Whatever it takes Or how my heart breaks I will be right here Waiting for you =====
Awwww, sweet pink gooeyness. Did you enjoy it? I kinda wrote this to make all of my For Always readers happy. You might not like me too much when you get the next chapter of it, so I'm trying to butter you up now. ::grin:: Ciao!
Ice