Wanting Sam - Part 3
It's a strange thing, sexuality. You can try and define it as much as you like, but your own sexuality only really hits home when it comes to what other people say, or point out. At least, it did with me.
That same evening after my first real sexual encounter with Sam, I sat at the dinner table with my Mother and Father and reflected silently on what had happened between us. After making a bit of a mess in my pants, I had jumped into the shower as soon as Sam had left, cleansed myself and felt as pure as a blue sky. But as pure as I felt, there was still this small voice in the back of my head, a shameful voice repeating the same thing over and over.
Nobody knows. In the closet. Nobody knows. In the closet. Oh God, we shall never truly be free as humans in our sexuality, or lives, for the that matter, without some sort of horrible shame or guilt creeping up on us.
Shitty human race. Shitty opinions. Shitty -
"So, how was school then?" my thoughts were interrupted by my Mother's voice. She was a kind, caring lady and had brought me up the way that any Mother should, but could I reveal who I really was to even her? "Mmm," I mumbled, in the middle of swallowing a pork chop. "Yeah, not bad, Mum. Same old, you know."
"Crap, then, I assume?" she proposed.
I nearly coughed up my pork chop. "Jeez, Mum, you always blame me for cursing! Can I say crap in front of you now, then?"
"No!" she said, smiling, "I was just using it as an example to show how well I know you."
Yeah, right. Yes, school was generally crap - she was right there. But there were some things that she would never know until the time was right.
"I loved school when I was your age," my Dad cut in. "I was there on time, every day. Couldn't wait!"
Now it was my Mum's turn to laugh. "Yeah right, Michael," she said. "The only lessons you attended were down the woods with the girls!"
"Don't know what you mean, Jane!" my Dad said, sarcastically and innocently enough to make me grin. "What about you, then, boy? Been chasing the girls up there yet?"
This particular questions nearly made me regurgitate half of my plate.
"Uhh, you know," I replied awkwardly. "Yeah, maybe got my eye on some."
"What about that Becky that I hear the boys go on about?" Mum asked.
"What's she like?"
My Dad snorted. "Becky Williams!? Her Mother was the biggest scarlet woman in town, Jane. Stay away from her, boy!"
Ok, that was more than enough. This dinner conversation was over as far as I was concerned. "I'll take that into account, Dad," I said. "Anyway, I've had enough to eat, here. Thanks, guys."
"No problem, love," my Mother smiled.
With that, I pushed back my chair, got up, and exited the room hastily.
-
-
- I didn't do anything special that evening and followed my regular routine (that I would guess most other teenagers would be following like some sort of strict ritual for adolescents). I opened up my laptop and checked out my Facebook profile. I wasn't big on Facebook but liked to see what my friends were up to. Oscar Jenkins and Becky Williams were now friends. Oh Christ, Oscar, you dirt bag! Not that I could say much less for myself. Oscar's two other best mates (whom I have mentioned before, Jimmy and Owain) were playing on that stupid Farmville bullshit. Now, then, Sam...
-
Sam, like me, didn't indulge too much in the whole Facebook thing. He updated his Status if there was really something interesting going on. And by something interesting going on, it would really have to be big.
Life-defining sort of thing, like a new baby born in the family or breaking news of a world disaster. Was what happened tonight classed as interesting in Sam's opinion? Well, there was only one way to find out! I opened up his main Profile page and saw that there was actually a status update! Holy shit, Sam. It read,"Samuel White is in a good mood for many reasons, mainly it being Friday! Woo!"
Ha. Very subtle, Sam. Many reasons indeed.
I noticed his Photo Gallery at the top of the page and averted my eyes. I didn't really like looking at people's photos - seemed too personal and an invasion of privacy. I couldn't understand why people put them up there.
But Samuel was my "best friend", if I could still define him as such, so surely there would be no harm done if I had a glance.
I visited his main gallery and saw "Beach, Summer 2011". Hmm. I clicked through the photos and quickly skipped the ones of his sister Samantha, a year older than Sam, and who was a bit of a poser on the side. I know that she took Oscar's attention, (the dog!), but I wont go into the crude things that he had about her. Enough to make anybody cringe. Oscar the sex pest.
Oh well, we all loved him.
Finally, I came across a photo of Sam, lying face down on a towel with that cute little butt hidden only by those bathers he wore. I felt my cock come alive and I reached down into my pants to grab it. Christ, sometimes it was like trying to tame a wild animal. It was time to release. After what had happened tonight, I didn't feel at all awkward knowing that I was about to jerk off over this photo. I had more right than anybody else to do so.
I glanced at the clock. 11:30. Mum and Dad would've retired to bed by now.
I pulled my jeans and pants all the way down to my ankles and watched my throbbing dick stand proudly to attention. Time to put him down.
I grasped onto myself tightly and stared lustfully at the photo of Sam in front of me. My hand began its familiar up and down motion with my mind almost oblivious to what I was doing. All I knew was that I was masturbating over a boy I considered to be the sexiest in the world and that I wouldn't stop until I made a dirty, sticky mess of myself again.
"Oh fuck, yeah," I whispered to myself, "oh God, Sam, why are you so fucking hot?" As I continued, my mind became awash with my own personal images. I saw myself walking out of the sea with Sam, and lying next to each other on the sand. I saw us kissing and my hand reaching down the back of his bathers. His bum was all wet and that normal temptation of pushing him down into the sand and ravaging him there and then was overwhelming.
I saw him smiling at me, his eyes aglow and his hands ready to explore. I felt his soft hand wrap around me, squeeze me. And as he did so, I snapped back to reality and squeezed my eyes shut tightly as a strong orgasm ripped into me. I came hard and shot warm, thick streams of cum all over my hand.
I lay back, respiring heavily, and wished.
Wished for my masturbating days to be over and for Samuel White to take care of me himself.
Little did I know, that day was soon to come.