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Chapter 3
At least I managed to reach the school. Everything went rather well. I came with Ryan in his grey civic car. I'm not really interested into cars but this one seemed rather good. I kept running my hand into my hair trying to calm myself but nervous seem an understatement to describe my condition! Even Ryan tried to cheer me up during the drive but in vain.
"Come on Jay! It's gonna be okay. You trust me, don't you?" he said calmly as we got off from the car and I nodded slightly. Meekly, I got into the looming building. It looked rather ancient with a touch of `Hogwarts' in it. I gulped and walked into those endless corridors with Ryan behind. I kept walking with my head bent low, ignoring those scrutinizing looks I got. Often, my roommate would be summoned by some guys and do those stupid hand-shakes system but finally he would catch up with me.
Finally I reached the principal office. Well, I was shaking like a leaf but eventually jumped into the water- I mean entered the room. There were those usual niceties and formalities. Don't misunderstand me: the principal, Mr. Frost, was really kind and warm. However I was not calm at all with these new faces around me. Finally I got my timetable and excused myself from Mr. Frost.
"Well, I got only one class with you- English, second period," announced Ryan glumly. Shit, Shit and Shit again!!! Dejectedly, I followed him to my class. He was trying to cheer me up but I was not listening to any of his words. Alone, I went into this empty class. I took place on the second row near the window.
"Excuse me." I turned and saw a pair of green eyes, not like those of Ryan, but hazel ones with a slight hint of sadness.
"Oh! You are new. I thought it was someone from the class. In fact you are sitting at my place," she said rapidly as I made my best to grasp what she said. When I realized what she meant, I tried to rise then she added in the same rushed way "No. No, it's okay. Can I sit next to you if you don't mind? It is the only vacant seat in the whole class."
"Y-yeah, sure!" I croaked. She was an Asian skinny girl. She was not very pretty or hot, even from the point of view of a straight. But she definitely had mysterious and deep eyes. She was more kind of sister-like. "I'm Jay, Jay Granger." I said back smiling a bit.
"Nice to meet you. I'm Jade Kudo." We talked about here and there. To my surprise, she was not a socializing butterfly since there were often long silent moments during our chat. Coincidentally, I found out that I had her in all my classes. How weird! Finally, the shrill noise of the bell rang in the whole school. Within minutes the class was completely full. The other students did notice me but I avoided their gaze by either talking to Jade or looking outside through the window. The first class, mathematics, was rather cool. I was a science geek so I adapted rather easily.
When I heard the bell for the second period, I got a little bit excited- I would be seeing Ryan in a few minutes. The class was on the end of the corridor. I walked with Jade till the class and on entering the class I saw him in the back row with a few other guys. Upon noticing me, his face broke in a big grin and he motioned me to come. As I walked to him, I once again ignored all those looks, including that of Jade. Probably she thought I would sit with her.
"Hey, sit here," Ryan said showing the seat next to him. "So how was your first class?"
"Fine," I replied sitting next to him.
"Guys, this is Jay, my best friend. He's new here. And Jay, this is Mike and this Bob." I made those handshakes ritual. Mike and Bob were smiling but their smiles did not reach their cold eyes. I knew at once that they smiling just to please Ryan and not to make me at ease. It was obvious that I was out of place.
Mrs. McKenzie, the English teacher, was a very kind and warm woman. At first, I took note of the things she was writing in the board but when I saw Mike and Bob looking at me weirdly and that even Ryan was not writing anything, I stopped writing. Mentally, I made a note to ask Jade for these notes later. With a guilty pang, I saw her sitting alone in front. Everyone else was sitting in groups. She seemed to be feminine version of me- no hot looks, difficulty to adapt, lack of friends^Å
"Jay, what you are thinking of? It's lunch," said Ryan.
"Sorry. I just drifted away."
The canteen was not that big but luckily not too crowded too. Ryan led me to a table on the far right. Two guys were already there.
"Well, this is Greg and here Aaron. This is Jay," announced Ryan. Like Mike and Bob, they did not seem really happy that I joined them. Before something could be said, two girls appeared one blonde and the other with black hair. They were like those girls trying to resembling dolls with lots of make up and expensive clothes. They were hot, at least for straight, but they seemed to be real sluts to me.
"Hey, we got a new amongst us. I'm Tina and this bitch here is Lucy," said the Blondie grinning, sparing Ryan the need to introduce me once again. I knew they were examining me minutely, judging if I fitted in the group. Soon, they started chatting except these two bitches of course. They were still looking at me though Lucy sat next to Aaron and Tina next to Mike. Probably they were couples. By the guys' talk, it seemed that all of them are on the football team. Even Ryan seemed very enthusiastic about their next match. However, Tina started talking to me; well, to me it seemed to be an interrogation. I tried to answer the best I could, at least for the sake of Ryan, but they were looking at me very amusingly.
"Jay, I saw you coming in the class with that Kudo girl. You know her?" questioned Mike.
"Kudo? You mean Jade Kudo? Well, Jay, I thought you had a better choice of friends when I saw you with Ryan but believe me Kudo is not really good as friend. You saw the clothes she wear and her way of talking. Plus she's a real nerd. Man, there's nothing you are going to gain with her," Tina said.
"No wonder that shit does not have any friend," Lucy added.
And this started a series of criticism about the whole school. Although the girls were leading the conversations, the guys were adding a few comments too, except Ryan and me. The latter was smiling but I was paining a lot inside. Jade has been so nice to me and I did not even defend her in front of these bitches. I was really a loser. Losing appetite and not wanting to remain with them, I walked away, without saying any word, not even to Ryan.
"Hey, what are you doing here alone? Something's wrong?" asked Jade as she entered the class. I was already in the Physics class.
"No. I finished my lunch a bit earlier so I came here," I replied "You are not angry that I did not sit with you in English class?"
"Nope. But I did not know you already had friends here. That's why I was quite surprised."
"No, I know only Ryan. He is my best friend. The others are new faces to me."
This way, we kept chatting. We went to all of our classes together.
"What you think of your first day?" asked Ryan while we were driving back home.
"Well, it was much better than I expected. The teachers are very nice. I got some surprises too. I did not know you are in the football team." I said grinning.
"Yeah, I am. So how did you find my friends?" he added.
`They are bitches and bastards without an ounce of respect and compassion.' I thought but I knew that it was rather rude.
"They are^Åummm^Ådifferent. They are nice and seem to care for me," I answered trying to keep the bitterness away but I'm a terrible liar, especially to Ryan.
"They don't trust anyone easily but once they will know you well, I'm sure they will accept you," he added bit sadly.
"It's okay," I lied with a false smile but at least it managed to lighten Ryan a bit. I added "Ry, you know a place where I can do some part time job?"
"Why you want part time job? I mean your parents are very well-off. You are not in any trouble?" he added anxiously but when I started laughing, he seemed really confused.
"I'm a rather independent person. I like working. It has nothing to do with finance; in fact it's more about personal satisfaction. I feel a bit more^Åworthwhile."
"Once again you are not a loser, Jay! Anyway you must talk to Curt. They usually look for these types of jobs. I mean they talk with your parents, re-arrange your meditation timetable and need to assure that the job is a secure one," he said exasperatedly as we arrived at the Academy.
The next few days, things went in the same way. I spent the English classes and the lunch with Ryan and his friends and the rest of the day with Jade. She was a very fine girl. I believe if I was straight I would have surely dated her. She was so understanding and never lacked words of wisdom in difficulties. No wonder she topped in all classes and luckily she agreed to help me to catch up with everyone in the syllabus.
Unfortunately I could not say the same about the dumb friends of Ryan. Each day I spent with them made my dislike grow much more. They were so full of themselves and did not hesitate to brag about their feats. One day when the sluts were busy I-don't-know-where, they were discussing about their girlfriends and the number of virginities they took. It was so^Å disgusting. I mean to talk about something so intimate in a canteen with strangers all around is so wrong. Meanwhile I got the misfortune of learning that Ryan also had a quite long list of ex-girlfriends and blushingly, he said that he took the virginities of his first two girlfriends. Even worst, I got to laugh with them pretending to be enjoying myself. I had to lie "I had three ex and only one offered me her virginity. Man, it was so awesome!" I never felt so sick.
The one and only reason I was bearing all these crap was just for Ryan. He was so happy when he found out that I was adjusting with his friends. I believe I could do anything for him, at least till the following Friday.
"Hey, Ryan, it has been more than one week that we did not bunk any class. We could go and have some weeds. It is so nerdy to be always in class," said Aaron casually during the lunch. It was one of the plenty things I was constantly discovering on Ryan.
"Well, the classes are not so bad. There's no need^Å" said Ryan uneasily as he looked at me. I felt that he was coming to the class just to keep me company.
"Come on, Ryan. How could you have gone so soft? It seems you are scared!" interrupted Greg. Was Ryan scared that I would know his true colors?
"It's true Ryan. Since ^Å this week, you are no longer the Ryan we know," added Mike in a very serious tone as I registered the small silence and the look he gave me during that silence, "I mean it seems impossible that this same Ryan helped us to beat the ass of a faggot last week."
"Last week, you landed a faggot in the hospital but now I think you would love to kiss his ass," said Aaron disdainfully
"I think you are exaggerating a bit Aaron. I mean Ryan did beat the ass of a faggot and landed him in the hospital. Well, that cocksucker deserved it, but you all helped him and Ryan has never been the violent one. He just laughs and watches you do all the beating. And we all know how much Ryan hates faggots," said Lucy smiling at Ryan.
I was looking directly at Ryan. His eyes showed fear and anxiety and he was damn right. I had to use all the self-control I acquired during the meditations to calm myself. Or else I would have either burst into tears or starting shouting at Ryan in front of those bastards. For the second time, I walked away from the table without any words.
"Hey, Jay!" I heard Jade shouting as I came out of the canteen and turned to see her sprinting towards me, "Mr. Summers is absent. So we got the next period free. We can go to the library or elsewhere if you want."
"We can go a place where we can be alone," I said in a wavering voice. She must have noted the tension in my voice but did not question about it, for the moment.
"Yes, I know such a place. Follow me!" And she led me to the ground. I had never been there since I spent most of the time inside. Soon, I found myself amongst a clump of tall trees with several rocks scattered here and there meant for sitting. I followed her to the largest one and sat next to her.
"No one is going to disturb us here. I know you are tensed Jay and I will not force you to confide in me but please, if ever you want some help or someone near to you, remember me, okay?" she said calmly as she looked at me. I was avoiding her gaze since I had not yet digested the news I learned in the canteen.
"What do you know about the friends of Ryan? Are they those jocks who will not hesitate to beat those different from them? Are they those dumb persons who think that anyone different from them is inferior?" I said with the pitch a bit higher than usual. I have never seen her so uneasy. She was fidgeting on the rock when eventually she answered reluctantly:
"Well, they are perhaps the most popular in the school. They are not modest as well. So I guess^Å that they are disdainful and yes, several rumors have run that they bashed some guys and these rumors are ^Åfounded." I did my best to not burst into tears as I said "A-and Ryan? Is he like them?"
"I never heard his name in those rumors and he is usually the cool popular guy but^Å"
"But what, Jade?"
"I know that he is always present during those fights. He is just a spectator, Jay. However, I heard that in the last one he was a bit more than spectator. I think he got carried away because they were all drunk," she said in a mournful voice. She knew how deep my friendship with Ryan was. I would always praise or talk about him during our daily chat. I was such an idiot to believe that prick!
The following day, I was in my room doing some research work on my laptop when Ryan came. We had not talked at all since that incident in the canteen.
"Jay, I think we got to talk a bit," Ryan said sadly. I nodded still not averting my gaze from the screen.
"Are you angry from Mike, Aaron and all?"
"Yeah, I'm angry but scared and sad also. You know, when I met them I got the feeling of having seen them before. Now, I know why. They are just like those bastards of my high school who use everyone they can for their benefit. For them friendship is a mere pretext to gain something. I never saw such opportunists. And^Å," I said shaking with fury. Ryan seemed pissed too so I stopped before it could turn very bad.
"And what?" asked Ryan angrily.
"Let it be. You won't be able to bear it," I spat as I walked towards the door. But Ryan would not let it finish like that.
"You are not going anywhere without ending it. Okay?" he shouted as he grabbed my arm and made me sit on his bed. I winced at the force of his actions.
"You want to listen so here it goes. You scare me the most Ryan. With me, you are the most wonderful person, protecting me and watching over me like an angel. But behind my back, you are the person most likely to hurt me. You are the friend of the people who would not blink before killing me. Who are you in reality? Are you suffering from double personality? Or are you just a filthy hypocrite?" I shouted furiously. Ryan was really shocked by this shout but before I could stop myself, I said "Who knows, maybe one day, when they would beat my ass, you would just watch and laugh. Or even join them like you did when they landed that poor guy in hospital last week."
I knew immediately that I crossed the line. Ryan would never hurt me or let someone hurt me and perhaps that's why he became like a hurt angry lion all of a sudden. "So what do you want me to do? Leave them. They are my friends Jay. When I came at Spencer's for the first time, they warned me against the bad seeds. They never considered me inferior even when I was new," he said angrily.
"Did you ever check what they said? I'm sure you did not. They did not want you to have other friends Ryan and they became your friends just because of your popularity!"
"At least they did not want me to change to become their friend. They are not the one to tell me who to have as friends! They are not very possessive of me. I think you are!" he shouted.
His words pierced my heart like spears. Now, he crossed the line. "I think you are right, Mr. Ryan Pierce. I'm being very possessive of you. That's why we should keep our distance so as not to disturb each other," I said as I got up and walked toward the door. I kept waiting for him to grab me and to tell me to take back what I just said but it never came. Instead I heard his expressionless voice "You are right Jay. Since now, we are just roommates."
I opened the door and closed it silently. Tears filled my eyes as I mumbled "I'm sorry, Ryan."
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