FEAR X LOVE**
FEAR X LOVE
**
An alter-ego? Could those things really exist? Could someone be able of comitting a crime and later not remembering it? Suddnetly Nick found himself in the middle of a dark riddle, dealing with questions he couldn't answer, and with feelings he couldn't understand. Let alone explain.
The fear of living with someone you don't really know. Double personality? Those things were hard to believe in, but Nick believed Brian. As far as Brian knew he hadn't done anything. He was innocent! At least a part of him was...
Not a murderer... Brian didn't predict, or at least he wasn't aware of predicting. A psychopath. How dangerous could that be? How strong could be the trust? How deep had to be the love? Enough to overpass the fear... The fear of the unknown, the unexpected... To fear the one you love.
"You sure?" - Nick asked looking at him seriously.
They were sitting on the bed, baggage packed, everything read to leave.
"Yes..." - Brian nodded.
Nick could tell he was afraid. He sighed.
"Brian, you know that by doing this you'll be a fugitive, right?"
Brian looked at him and Nick almost hugged him till the point of hurting him. Brian was so innocent... he didn't deserve any of this. What he did was not his fault! Maybe Brian was really sick, he needed help, treatment. Those sweet blue eyes could never hurt anyone. Nick wondered how did Brian's eyes looked when he... 'Shit! Don't think this!' - Nick told himself.
"Nick... I need to go. If they catch me its gonna be over! They will never understand, they will ask me if I killed her and I don't know what to say! I mean, taking by the two eldery people it was obvious I killed my wife, but I can't say that if I don't remember doing it! Nick I don't... I hate myself knowing I might have... I did hurt Leighanne... I'm never gonna be able to live with me! Its already hard enough... I need to get away. At least for a couple of months and let things calm down. I don't even know what to say to Kevin and AJ and Howie."
"But Brian, if we run away your situation will be even harder! If you just stay here and tell them the truth! They will help you Brian, its the best thing to do. Its the right thing too."
Brian approached Nick with his carry-on. Slowly he reached his hand to touch his cheek, and he ran a finger softly over Nick's opened lips.
"Nick, if I stay they will push me away from you. And I can't... Right now you are eveything I have in life, and if they take you from me I won't live, Nick! I need you... All I want from this life is you... Nothing but you. Please come with me, Nick... Please don't leave me."
Nick closed his eyes and bit Brian's finger gently, lightly sucking on it while it slid out of his mouth. He felt like crying. This could only be a nightmare. Not only had he fallen in love with a guy. He fell for his best friend. Not only was Brian married, he was now a psychopath. 'At least not married anymore...' - Nick thought sadly.
"Yes, Brian. I'm coming with you. I just hope this is the right thing."
"Its not, Nick. We know its not. Not the right, but the best we have. There is, if we want to be together."
Nick lifted his eyes and Brian kissed him softly.
"I love you."
"I love you too, Nick."
Nick also stood up and took his backpack. He rubbed his eyes as if trying to wake up from a dream. A nightmare. He felt this weird feeling of living the unreal. A few days before he had been happy. It had been perfect. Now it was the chaos. The fear of trusting. And only one thing couldn't change: the love.
Without telling anyone, Brian and Nick traveled by car and soon took a ride with a private pilot.
When police began to look for Brian he was gone. When they began to ask questions to his friends and family they couldn't answer. And when they searched for Nick he wasn't there either.
While chaos was spreading faster and faster outside the world, just like in those best-sellers with policemen and suspence, tragedy and romance, only it was real life, Nick and Brian were in one of the most peaceful places in this world. No addresses. No people around. No phones. A TV yes. And nothing but that.
A small house. A chain of mountains. If it hadn't been all messed up this would be the perfect place for a couple to spend their life together. Brian had bought that place for his parents, but they had never been there during these last couple years. This time it couldn't be different. It would be only Brian and Nick. Nick and Brian.
'Yeah, me and a psycho.' - Nick thought feeling his skin crawl while entering the house. It could be a warm place, but it could also be scary, depending on which side you'd look at.
Looking at the bright one he was there with Brian, his lover, his everything. But there was another side. Saying he was there with Brian. Someone he didn't really know, someone who might have killed a person, a human being. Nick shivered. With which Brian would he live together inside that house?
Nick shook his head trying to calm himself down. He better not be thinking this right now. He still had no idea for how long he would be there with Brian. Alone with Brian. No telephones, no comunication. Fear, shivers and that chill up and down his spine.
"Lets straighten up things first, so that we will have time to walk over this place later." - Brian smiled at Nick, making his heart jump.
"Yes. I was about to do that."
Brian approached him and grabbed Nick's hand.
"Nick, are you ok? I mean, I'm sorry if you didn't want to be here... You can go back. I... I don't wanna keep you here if this doesn't make you happy."
Brian knew him. Too well to know Nick was weird.
Nick looked down at Brian's hand touching him. He wanted his touch, he needed it.
"I just didn't want it to be like this..." - Nick's eyes watered. - "I want so much to be with you for the rest of my life but I'm just scared they will take you away from me... There are some things wrong in this story and you know it. I'm just scared to lose you."
Brian sighed and hugged him. He ran his hands slowly over his back and kissed his earlobe.
"Nick, we have to trust... everything is gonna be ok."
Nick pulled away and smiled. Brian mirrored him while they unpacked their stuff.
It was night now. The boys had taken a good walk through the property and now the stars and the moon covered up the night in that hidden place. They could sleep with light hearts because no one would ever find them there.
Althought the expression light heart was too strong to apply in their case.
Nick remembered falling asleep with Brian playing with his hair. He just couldn't catch sleep, and Brian was there, laid by his side, smoothly caressing his hair with his fingers. Nick feel asleep like that three hours ago.
But the night was dark on his eyes. Nick was having several sorts of short nightmares. Confusing little dreams about everything they had been through. Their lifes, careers... Nick wasn't making any sound, but inside his mind things were screaming into his ears. He could hear Kevin telling him to get the hell away from that house and this made Nick panick. Kevin telling him to run away from Brian was what made him open his eyes slowly. He couldn't go on with that dream, it was scaring him.
Just when Nick opened his eyes, his head still laid onto the pillow he met Brian's gaze and his heart jumped. Brian was looking at him, even before Nick was awake Brian was laid on the same pillow and was staring at him with those full blue eyes.
They were shining. Brian was grinning.
Maybe it was the night. It had always scared Nick somehow. Maybe that was why he panicked. His heart beating so fast, his hands began to sweat cold as Brian was looking at him, so close... so different. Nick was afraid, such a powerful fear he could feel his body shaking, and Nick did the only thing he could to calm down.
He held on to Brian's body desperately. Brian was the one causing him fear, and holding him tight, embracing him was the only way to change this into love.
"Nick! Whats wrong?..." - Brian shocked.
Nick was now crying into Brian's neck and he held the blond tight, comforting him.
"I'm scared! Brian, I... I... I'm afraid of you! I don't know if I can do that..."
Brian's eyes widened.
"Nick! For heaven's sake, I love you!" - Brian began to cry too. - "I love you and I could never hurt you! Oh, my God! Nick, please... If you are afraid, then why are you holding me?"
"Because I love you! And the love is bigger than everything else..."
"Nick, look at me!" - Brian ordened and Nick did what he sad, letting go of the embrace.
"What?"
"I love you. You are my reason for living. I'm glad you told me the truth. Whenever you feel afraid you tell me, Nick. I'll always be here for you, I'd give up my life to you, ok? Rememeber what we did two days ago?"
"Yes..." - Nick thought about when they made love.
"I gave myself to you, Nick. I wanted to belong to you. I wanna be a part of you, just as I want you to be a part of me!"
Nick's heart was fullfilled with love. Right now he was hating himself for being afraid of Brian.
"I'm so sorry... I guess its all this pressure and stuff..."
Brian leaned down and kissed Nick's forehead.
"Its ok, sweetie. We can sleep now. I'll be holding your hand, ok?"
Nick smiled. He felt like a seven years old. But he didn't mind. Because he was safe and he loved Brian.
"Ok. I love you."
"I love you too."
Brian said and kissed his lips softly before they slept again.
Three days passed by in that place out of this world. In both ways. Physically if you stared at the gorgeous mountains, and it had all that feeling of being in a shield. Where nothing could hit them.
Nick was still struggling inside. They had a TV there, and the case was getting more and more complicated. They wanted to know where Brian was. They wanted to know why did Nick disapear. And finally they wondered if they weren't both accomplices in this.
It was crazy. If someone had told Nick he would be going through this for sure he'd have laughed. First, Brian killing someone? Yeah, right! Impossible.
What about Brian being someone else besides Brian?
'Who?'
Sometimes Nick hated himself. These times the fear was just so hard to keep down! He could swear he saw glances of a different person in Brian's eyes. He could picture Brian seeing Leigh in the pool, talking to her. Lifting the radio... Leigh's pleading eyes for him to stop, maybe asking for forgiveness... and Brian there, that weird grin on his lips, throwing the radio into the water and watching as Leighanne's body contorcing in pain, to finally float smoothly on the water.
Nick shivered. When one of those times came where he wondered why the hell did he got into this he could only find one answer. He loved Brian. He loved him just too much. Nick couldn't live without him. It didn't matter how afraid he could be, the love got always the best from him and Nick couldn't picture life without Brian. Love was making him stay, love was making him survive. And most of all, love was keeping him sane.
Brian was sat on the front door steps, looking at the amazing view in front of him. Nick smiled at how cute he looked. He went to where he was and sat by his side.
Brian looked at him and smiled. Without saying a word their faces came closer and closer until they could taste each other in a sweet kiss. Tongues sliding into their mouths, hands traveling to the back of their necks to pull the other closer. Smoothly they broke the kiss.
Brian wrapped his arm around Nick's waist and they leaned their heads on each other's.
"Brian, sorry to ask that, but did you remember anything? From that day... do you remember... doing it?"
"Leighanne?"
"Yeah."
Brian took a deep breath. His mind going back to the hotel where he had entered with Leighanne, and from where she'd never come back.
"Nick... against my will I've been trying and trying, but I don't remember anything! The only thing... the only thing I can remember and that is weird, I don't know for sure, is that when I woke up and looked at her body from the window it was 5:30am. Then I left and called the hoster. It was seven o'clock. The man told the police. Nick, where did this hour and a half go? I ask myself, I wonder, but I don't know the answer. Had I been there staring at her body during all this time? How come I don't remember?!"
Nick looked at Brian and later at his own hands.
"I don't know either..." - Nick said shyly.
"Nick..."
He looked up at Brian again.
"Do you think I have... like two different personalities? Is this possible?"
Nick only looked at him with lost eyes.
"What if I have an alter-ego?" - Brian looked at him.
"I just know that I'm afraid of one of this personalities..." - Nick said honestly.
"I love you more than life, Nick... I'm scared too. But I don't know if I can go on if you leave me..."
"I won't. I can't. I love you too much Brian."
Nick linked fingers with him and they kissed again. He wanted to run away from this madness, but the love was too strong. Too damn strong.
Whoa, dificult situation, huh? What would you people do in Nick's shoes? I know I'd stay with Brian all the way! LOL :: wink wink ::
Just hope you are liking it and please e-mail me! LUCIANAPOPSTAR@HOTMAIL.COM