WE WENT CRAZY, DUDE 19
WE WENT CRAZY, DUDE!
Brian Littrell's interview was seen by people all over the world, american inhabitants there were dying in curiosity to hear what he had to say. And Brian did well. The sweet, sore Brian showed his face and opend his heart.
"Leghanne and I were really great together.Since the day we married we had never really foght. Everytime we had an argument we eneded up by kissing and apologizing." - voice cracks and Brian looks at somewhere in the space. - "When we went to that hotel we were planning on having some good vacations, a time for ourselves because I had been so busy with the Backstreet Boys that we couldn't spend time together. We had amazing days at that hotel. Three short days. I remember Leigh saying late at night that she wanted to swim in the pool but I was just so tired...! I was tired and I told her I'd rather sleep... I gave in completely to the sleep and when I woke the next day and reached for her she wasn't there anymore. I... I looked out of the window at the pool and I saw her..." - Brian gasps and tears roll down his cheeks.
Nick, Kevin, and Brian's mother knew he was acting just a little bit. He didn't love Leighanne. To Jackie Brian was really telling the truth because he loved her like a friend. Kevin was not buying it, though. How could Brian say those things being in love with Nick? He was acting. And if he was acting on this in what more could he be acting too?
Nick didn't question anything. He was being a part of the interview, and watching Brian say all that stuff about being sorry for Leighanne just made a silly and crazy thought rush through his mind. Nick felt like running around the studio asking the people there if they were fools to believe in that. Obviously this was the best thing that happened cause this way Nick and Brian would be together, but still... seeing Brian say that so easily when he killed, he did right? He killed his wife!
"I was crashed. I couldn't believe it." - Brian went on. - "I was still in shock when people began to say I did that! I... I didn't know what to make of it! People were saying I had killed my wife! Its so absurd! I mean... how could I ever kill her? If I had brought her to help our marriage out? I was scared, I didn't want to answer anything."
"I suggested that Brian run away. It was my fault we disapeared." - Nick began. - "I was just scared stiff someone would come after Brian wanting to arrest him for Leigh's death. I just couldn't handle it, he is my best friend and I couldn't stand losing him for such a coward accusation."
Nick looked at Brian, he smiled. Love does make people accomplices, right?
Everything was clear now. At least to the world. The problem now was 'out of stage', in a life no camareas could interfire.
Howie and AJ were so glad to have their friend back... They would all take some vacations after all this before buckling down and working again. Brian being back and taken totally out of guilty was just amazing. But those two were the only true happy ones.
For sure Kevin was happy, but he had doubts! He so desperaly wanted to know who did that to Leighanne... Was it Brian? Why wouldn't he open up to Kevin then? He was sure that if Brian did that in a moment of anger then he would be regreting it for the rest of his life, telling the guys the truth and feeling miserable, probably wanting to die too.
But throwing an eletrical radio in a pool doesn't sound as a moment of anger. Sounds more like something done in complete awerness of mind. For sure not predicted, who could ever know Leighanne would want to swim in the pool at night? Not to mention taking the radio with her and placing it right there, extremely close to the shore. Too close to the shore.
Kevin sighed. Did he regret saving Brian's life not even knowing if he was guilty or not? Maybe. But now it was too late. He just wanted to know the truth. But maybe no one would ever know it.
Brian and Nick moved to his house in Tampa, Florida. Three weeks passed by since they came back from their hidden place. Out of that house, back to their natural home Brian didn't scare Nick anymore. Apparently.
He was turned into the sweetest thing alive, always giving Nick caresses, hugging him, saying how much he loved him. And Nick did just the same. Deep inside not even he knew why he was doing that. Just what if... what if Nick did something to upset Brian? What if Brian got sick and tired of him? What if Brian wanted to get rid of him...?
The prefection they were living now wasn't real. And would never be because they needed answers. They couldn't begin a life together without knowing the whole truth that happened that night. Or at least without knowing the whole other truth.
"I love you."
Nick said all of sudden. He was lying beside Brian in the couple's bed. Both men looking at the ceiling. Brian didn't reply to that.
Nick was getting nervous.
"I love you, Brian. I always have and I'm sorry."
"Nick what are you saying?"
"I don't know if you realized it but our life is fucked up! Completely fucked up!" - Nick began to cry in anger and frustration.
Brian turned around to look at Nick.
"Why are you crying? Everything is perfect now."
"Its not! We are lying to the whole world! Don't you see this?"
"Do you regret? Do you regret something, Nick? Is that why you are so bothered?"
Nick sniffed.
"Do you regret falling in love with me? Don't you love me anymore?" - Brian asked slowly.
Nick quickly got himself on top of Brian on the bed.
"Don't you ever say that!"
"Say what?"
"That I don't love you, Brian, coz I do! And thats the reason why life is screwed up! Can't believe one night of getting drunk and geting it on could've turned into this."
"I know. We broke our promise."
"I love you, Brian..." - Nick looked into his eyes.
"I love you too... You know I'd do anything for you."
Nick closed his eyes and Brian lifted his head to touch his lips with his own.
Nick looked at him.
"Nick, things need time to get back to normal."
"Will they ever be normal again?" - Nick asked rolling and lying beside him.
"Yes, Nick, they will. I don't regret anything. I'd do it all over again to be with you."
"Do what all over again?" - Nick asked slowly looking into his eyes.
"I don't remember killing Leighanne, Nick. By this time I even think I did it, but from the bottom of my heart I don't remember doing that, and although I'm really glad she's dead, I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing I killed someone."
"Put yourself in my place, Brian. If I were the one not remembering of killing a person would you forgive me? Would you stand all the way by my side?"
Brian took his hand and looked deeply into his eyes.
"Yes, I would. Before Leighanne tried to break us up I promised you something. I promised you I'd fight the world to be with you. And I will if I have to, Nick. I fight for you coz you are my life. I've never loved someone so bad to make me literally lose my mind."
Nick sighed and kissed Brian again.
"I love you too. No matter how fucked up things are I'm just happy to have you, Brian. I mean, we had each other during all those years... We went through so many things as friends..."
"We can go through much more as lovers."
Brian smiled and so did Nick.
"I feel better, Frick. And sleepy too."
Brian smoothed his face.
"Good night, Frack. I'll be here by your side. Always."
She. Coming into his dreams, turning them into nightmares. How could it have happened? So long ago... Forgotten somewhere in his subconscious.
She tried to break them up. That poisoned kiss buring on his lips. The way she told him she loved him. He knew it was true. She had always loved him. He never wanted her, but he had been mean. Damn mean to his real love. Trying to get away from a feeling by hurting the one causing his love.
The way he ran away when they did it for the second time. The first being aware of what was going on. *I'm sorry, Brian. This is wrong.*
He had deep reasons, and they were haunting him now. He couldn't sleep, he was rolling on the bed, sweat covering him all over. Madness.
He began to fight against her, that nasty face that wouldn't go away, that nasty secret he buried inside himself.
He groaned in his sleep to fight her away, but she was there. She was there because she had been a part of him. And now Nick didn't know anything.
"Wake up!" - Brian yelled trying to make Nick open his eyes. - "Wake up, Nick! You are having a nightmare!"
"Hm.... hm..." - Nick gasped, trying to breath.
"Nick..." - Brian said softly cupping his head until the blond opened his eyes.
Nick looked at Brian. His heart was racing.
"You were having a nightmare, Nick..."
"A pretty fucking real one. Sit down, Brian. There's something I need to tell you."
Brian looked at Nick with wide eyes and a blank expression, sitting beside him, his head on his knees waiting for what Nick was gonna say.
"Brian, I had an affair with Leighanne."
Silence.
"Leighanne and I... we were lovers. Right after you two got married. I... I don't know how it began. Leighanne apparentey had this major crush on me and she began to seduce me. Flirting when you weren't around. I swear she did that! At first I couldn't understand why and I tried to push her away. But I was weak, Brian. I was fighting inside with the new found feelings I kept secretly for you. I was a fucking asshole and I know that. I cheated on my best friend, the one I love the most! Me and Leigh... we have always hated each other some how. It was pure physical. We only had sex. I think she hated me cause she loved me."
Nick looked at Brian and he had tears running down his cheeks. He was silent. The eyes of a lost child, waiting to hear everything Nick had to say.
"I knew I loved you and I began to hate myself for what I was doing. I think... I think being with her was sort of a nasty payback for the way you were making me feel. Desperately in love with you. And then you confronted me and told me you loved me too. I broke up with Leighanne. I've always loved you! I never loved her, but it was hard for her to understand. She didn't want to lose me. Leighanne got pissed, mad at me for abandoning her. She wanted both of us. Brian... she loved me."
Brian looked at Nick quietly and cried. Not making any sound so that Nick could go on.
"When we had sex for the first time not being drunk, do you remember I walked away saying it was all wrong?"
Brian nodded.
"That was because I was feeling guilty. I hated myself, I felt like crap, like the most disgusting thing alive, I didn't deserve your love. But I loved you bad, so bad... I didn't want to hurt you either. Pathetic after what I had been doing, right? Anyway, when you told me you'd fight the world for me... I couldn't help it, Brian. I gave in. I wanted you so much. Please, never doubt my love. I love you. If you want I'll die for you right now."
Nick swallowed and looked deep into his eyes to make sure Brian understood he was saying the truth.
"When Leighanne saw us... She realized why I went away. She realized you were the one I loved the most, her husband was who I replaced her for. She hated me more. She called me, she called us fags. Leighanne couldn't accept the truth that I never loved her, because that day seeing us together she understood why I allowed myself to have an affair with her. Because I hated you, Brian. Hated being in love with someone I knew would never return my feelings. I knew I had broken my promise and I was so fucked up I didn't even care about doing the right thing. My life was over. And when you said you loved me I was saved."
Brian reached out his hand to wipe the first tear that fell from Nick's eyes.
"I do love you, Nick. I do... I'd hate you for what you did if this was a normal situation, but I guess its not normal for a long time now."
"So you ain't mad? You don't hate me?"
"No. I love you. Leighanne is dead. I won't let she stay between us and pull us apart after being dead. She won't win this, Nick. Leigh wanted to break us up and have us for her. She lost. We are gonna be together forever. I don't care which way we had to follow to get here, but now that we are I'm not giving up."
Nick hugged Brian and kissed him passionatly, deeply, thankful for those words.
When he pulled away he didn't see pain in Brian's eyes, only love. And they were both smiling right now.
"I love you, Brian. Thank you so much for forgiving me... This was killing me inside."
Brian ran his hands through his hair.
"But there is something else." - Nick said. - "When Kevin told me where you had gone with Leighanne, after we stayed locked in the studio, after I told you the truth and after we decided we'd be together, when he told you had gone out with her to that country hotel for a second honeymoon I flipped! I went nuts, I was going crazy."
"I asked you to trust me. I'd break up with her there."
"I knew I had to trust you, I loved you! I still do by the way."
Brian grinned.
"The third night when I went to bed I couldn't sleep. And when I finally closed my eyes I fell into sleep like a rock. I don't remember anything. Absolutely nothing, Brian. No dreams, no nightmares, and when I woke up I had this weird feeling I hadn't slept one little second that night. By my side I had the keys of my car and the address Kevin gave me from where you were with Leigh. I don't know if I put my keys there before going to sleep. I don't remember but it can be. I... I saw the hotel images from TV and I felt as if I had been there. But I don't remember! I swear I don't know... Its so fast to drive to that hotel..."
Nick looked into Brian's eyes.
"Before everything went dark I remember I wanted to kill Leighanne. But I just wanted, I'd never do it! I wanted to talk to her and tell her to get the fuck out of our life. I was afraid she'd take you from me. I hated her because she loved me and was jealous. I... I wanted to see her that night. I wanted to forgive myself for using her to forget you, to hurt you. Leighanne only made my life miserable and I felt like she had to pay for that. And I... I have this weird sensation everytime I listen to one of our songs. Thats what she said."
Nick finished and looked at Brian. Slowly Brian took his hand between his and looked Nick deeply in the eyes. A grin forming on both guys' lips.
"Nick, one of us killed Leighanne and doesn't remember it. One of us is a psychopath." - Brian giggled.
Nick giggled back and asked.
"Who?"
Hm... when you people get over the shock... I would like to ask you guys something. WHO? WHO DID THIS? WHO FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!?! Hehehe... I'm taking suggestions. Tell me who you think did it and why you think so. :o) But again, as I said, after you people recover from the shock! :o) LMAO! LUCIANAPOPSTAR@HOTMAIL.COM