This story is a work of fiction. None of the characters are real and any similarities between this story and/or any characters in it and real life is purely coincidental.
THIS STORY CONTAINS GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF CONSENSUAL SEXUAL ACTS BETWEEN TEENAGE MALES. IT IS INTENDED FOR A MATURE AUDIENCE ONLY! IF YOU FIND THIS TYPE OF MATERIAL OFFENSIVE, OR IF YOU ARE UNDER 18, OR UNDER THE LEGAL AGE TO VIEW SUCH MATERIAL THEN PLEASE READ NO FURTHER.
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It's funny the things parents will keep from their children. Sickness, job loss, divorce, having to move for a job, the fact that your father filed for full custody and to basically take away your mother's parental rights... you know, that kind of thing.
We didn't find out about any of this until we were already back in school and we found out about it from people AT SCHOOL. Well, to be specific, from Ross and Ben Sanders whose father was a dirtbag attorney who'd apparently found out about my father suing to reopen the custody agreement.
It went down a few days after we got back from Christmas Break. That Wednesday, Ross asked me about it and Ben asked Cat. I never heard the details of Cat's conversation with Ben, but I remember very well my conversation with Ross.
That year we didn't have any classes together, so he approached me in the hall just before English.
"Hey man, just wanted to let you know I'm sorry your dad is taking your mom back to court," he said with an obviously fake sympathetic tone.
I just looked blankly back at him, "What the hell are you talking about, Ross?"
"She didn't tell you?" he asked.
"Tell me what?" I replied, clearly irritated.
"That your dad is suing her for full custody of you and Cat. I'm sorry, man, I thought you knew."
"No, Ross, I didn't. Honestly, I can't believe my dad would be that stupid."
He kinda snorted, "Well, believe it. You might want to talk to your mom when you get home."
I just smiled my best fake smile back at him, "Sure, Ross, I'll do just that."
I made it through the day without being too obviously upset. Ross, I was sure, would already be spreading the rumor around, so in my head those were the conversations I was preparing for. Fortunately, no one said anything to me. I found out later he'd talked to some people about it and was basically told by them all that...
- If it's true, it's really going to hurt me. 2) He's a fucking dick for being happy about that.
Since it was Wednesday, Josh was working out late so either Neil, mother or Mrs. Trautmann would pick us up. Today, it was Neil who turned up in front of the school. Cat was already in the front seat so I opened the back door to get in.
"Did you talk to Ross today?" she asked.
"Yep. I'm guessing you talked to Ben?" I replied.
"I did as a matter of fact." she shot back in the sing-song tone she used when she was REALLY angry.
I sighed, "Don't worry about it. We'll talk to mother when she gets home."
Neil, understandably curious, asked, "Guys, you don't have to be so secretive. What's up?"
Cat and I both started at the same time, then she looked back and me and I just smiled and said, "Go ahead."
"Did daddy file to take full custody of us from mom?" she asked.
I could see Neil wince, even from where I was sitting in the back seat, but he didn't slump or look defeated. If anything, he seemed pretty calm.
"Yes, your father is taking your mom back to court for full custody...," he answered, before Cat interrupted him.
"But why?" she asked.
He sighed a little at that, "Well, it's because we got married."
Then I piped up, "And because Josh is gay, right?"
I saw his hand grip the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles turned white. "Yes," he replied, his anger barely restrained.
Cat laughed a bit, "That's stupid. ROB IS GAY."
I said, "Cat, he thinks Josh made me gay."
"Well, that's even more ridiculous."
Neil laughed a bit, "I agree, Cat. Anyway, your mother and I are dealing with it and we were hoping to have it taken care of without having to bother you with it. I'm guessing two of your friends found out about it?"
"Well, I wouldn't call them friends, but yes. The one who told me was almost gleeful." And, for like the millionth time that day, I hoped Ross would get hit by a bus.
"OK, the best thing to do is not to worry about it. We'll talk about it tonight and your mom can answer all your questions. But, and I need you guys to promise me, I don't want you dwelling on this. The odds are very good that it'll all blow over in a few more weeks."
Cat and I both answered back, "Promise." Then, almost immediately after, Cat asked, "Can we go get a puppy?"
"CAT! Where did that come from?" I asked.
"Well, we haven't had a dog since Margeaux died and I want one. I asked mom about it last week and she said we'd deal with it this week. Well, it's this week and it's time."
Neil, just glanced at her with this puzzled look on his face, then back at the road. "Honestly, I don't see any reason not to go look at some. What kind of dog do you want?"
I jumped in as quickly as possible, "NOT another poodle." Which caused Cat to whip back and glare at me. I just returned the stare, "I'm not kidding, Cat. Margeaux was a terrible dog. Poodles suck."
"What about a schnauzer," Neil asked.
"I wanted another lab. Dan was such a good dog and he's been gone a lot longer than Margeaux."
Then Cat turned on the girl and in a soft, sad voice, said, "But I wanted a small dog."
Neil, cleared his throat, "Why can't we get a lab and something else? Like a schnauzer?"
"Katie has a schnauzer. I guess that might be OK." Cat volunteered. In my head I'm thinking, 'Oh, it might? Really? It's a DOG, Cat, not a stupid purse or bracelet'.
About twenty minutes later we were at the county animal shelter. They didn't have a schnauzer but they did have a lab. His name was Henry, he was 6, and no sooner did he see us than he got up and started wagging his tail. They let him out of his kennel and he came over and licked Cat first, then me.
Cat looked over at me, "He's like Dan." Dan died four years ago and I was inconsolable for about a month. Dan had always considered me his. While my father was his master, I was his puppy. When we worked on that stupid treehouse, he was there. When I went to Alan's swimming, he was there (usually in the pool). When it was time to go to bed, he was with me. He slept on the dog bed until my parents moved me to a queen sized bed from a twin after one of our moves when my mother demanded new furniture. After that, he slept with me. Dan may have belonged to my dad, but I definitely belonged to him.
I looked over at Neil and asked if we could take him. Neil walked over and asked, "Are you sure? He's 6 which is getting pretty old for a lab."
"Yes sir, I'm sure. He's the one and that's it."
Neil smiled, "OK, let me see what we need to do to adopt."
For the next 30 minutes, Neil had to fill out paperwork and Cat and I played with Henry. It was a pretty cold day, even for January, but we had a blast. Neil finally came out and walked over to us.
"OK, it's done but we can't pick him up until tomorrow. They have to get him ready. Josh can bring you by after school and bring him home."
We said bye to Henry who looked so sad as he went back in the kennel that it made me tear up a bit. How do you explain to a dog that they're only going to be here one more night? And that everything is going to be OK?
Apparently, you do it much the same way as you would to a child. Mother pulled Cat and me aside after dinner to fill us in on what was happening. She didn't try to demonize my father, which was good since he'd already done more than enough in the filing. Mother was unfit to care for us because of her relationship with Neil. Josh's 'choice' of sexual orientation had already had a negative effect on me and could also have a negative effect on Cat. The decision for us all to live together placed Cat and I in a very harmful environment. This all started when I came out and probably would have hit sooner, but for some reason he sat on it.
Mother may not have blown up, she'd had time to get used to all this. I on other hand, did.
"I don't want to see him."
"Kiddo, he's your dad. This filing isn't what he thinks, it's what he has to do, he thinks, to protect you. Deep down, this isn't your father."
"Yes, it is. And I know he's my father. It doesn't change the fact that I don't want to to see him."
I got up and went back to my room. Luckily, I didn't have to deal with my father that weekend and when he showed up, unexpectedly, to pick me up from school on Friday, I ignored him and walked out to Josh's car to wait for him.
To be honest, I wouldn't have gone with him anyway. Henry was way more important. My father finally left and not long after Josh came out. We picked up Cat at the middle school and then went out to the shelter. Cat stayed in the car while we went in. I'd found Dan's leash the night before and I gave it to the woman who worked at the shelter after asking her to let him sniff it first.
She came back about 3 minutes later with an excited Henry who scanned the room before seeing me and then pulled her over to me where he sat down right in front of me. I knelt and gave him a hug which was rewarded with a full tongue bath on my face and neck. The woman had handed me the leash and was telling Josh that as soon as he sniffed that leash he got really excited. She handed Josh the papers and said to make sure and give them to Neil.
Then Josh nudged my shoulder and I looked up at him, "What?"
He smiled, "Well, aren't you going to introduce me to your new boyfriend?"
I laughed, "Come on, crouch down," which he did. "Now, hold your hand out and let him sniff you."
Once Henry licked his hand I said, "Henry, this is Josh. He's my brother. You'll like him."
Henry looked back at him and just started to pant. Josh, meanwhile, sniffed and I looked over at him.
"You OK?" I asked.
He just smiled back with big watery eyes and said, "Yeah. Let's get him home." Josh still got emotional over the whole family thing. To be honest, he still does.
We walked out to the car and I opened the back seat. Cat had, of course, jumped in the front so I let Henry get in first, then I got in. We rolled down the window on other side of the car so he could stick his head out during the ride. Given the chill in the air, that didn't last long but as with all dogs, the wind is just too much to resist.
When we got home, I walked Henry a bit and then we went inside. I took the leash off and he followed me around as I showed him where food and water were and then we went back to my room. He got comfortable pretty easily which I was happy about. Not long after I'd gotten him settled and started homework, mother came in.
She didn't even pretend to have a pretext, "You walked right past him and didn't say a word?"
I looked up from my desk and said, "Yes ma'am. I didn't want to talk to him. What he's doing may be between the two of you but it effects me and even though he may not realize it, I sure do."
She sat on my bed, looking at me, "Kiddo, no matter what happens, he's still your father. You can't turn your back on him or ignore him. He loves you just as much as I do..."
"Then why do this?" I quickly interjected. "Why get into reopening the custody settlement when he knows I'm good with how everything is? I cried and cried for him to move back in before you got divorced. I got over it. Now because of some idiotic prejudice that he may not even believe, he's going to change all that?"
"Don't you think I know how stupid this all is? I completely understand what you're saying but none of it deals with the fact that he is still your father, he does still love you, you can hurt his feelings which he doesn't deserve, and you will not treat him like a stranger. Are we clear?"
"Yes ma'am."
"Good. Now send him a text apologizing. I told him you just needed time so you don't have to call, but you need to at least do that." She stopped, right at the door and turned back to me. "Rob, I know this is wrapping you up in knots, but it's not just unsettling to you. When you do things like you did today, you just make it harder on me. I know you're hurt, but you have to consider how your actions are going to reflect on all of us."
"Yes ma'am... and I'm sorry," I responded. She just nodded and left the room. I finished up what I was working on and got on the bed with Henry who'd already made himself comfortable. I fell asleep petting his back and woke up to him standing over me while I heard Josh's voice.
"Henry, it's OK. It's me, Josh." And then I heard the growl. It wasn't loud, but it was definitely there. I jerked up quickly and grabbed Henry's head, forcing him to look at me.
"Don't growl at him." I looked over at Josh, "Come sit down and pet him."
"OK, I was just coming to get you for dinner and no sooner did I open the door than the damn dog was standing over you. I think he thought..."
"I know what he thought. We need to break him of that now."
We sat there for a few minutes, reassuring Henry it was OK. After that, we never had another problem with him trying to 'protect' me from my family, thankfully.
That weekend was pretty nice. I played with Henry a lot and got him comfortable with his new surroundings. He warmed up to everyone, especially Neil who kept feeding him bacon from the table at breakfast. However, he was very much my dog. That first week he followed me pretty much everywhere, until he figured out that sometimes it was just to the bathroom and he stayed, for example, ensconced on the sofa which drove my mother crazy.
The next week on Thursday morning, I told mother and Neil at breakfast that I didn't feel like going to my fathers for the weekend. I asked mother to please call him and tell him to just let this weekend go. I'd be happy to hang out with him Friday afternoon, but I really wanted to sleep in my own bed this weekend. Thursday night, I got his response. No.
Which really pissed me off.
That Friday, I ignored him again when he was outside to pick me up. He ended up following Josh and I out to the house. When I got out of the car, he yelled out to me and I ignored him. Josh walked over and talked to him a bit, I have no idea what was said and never asked Josh about it.
I went in the house to find Henry at the door and he followed me straight to my room. I heard Josh talking to my mother and 5 minutes later she was at my door.
"Rob, I know you're upset, but you can't do this. He is still your father and this weekend is his."
I looked up at her and started to say something, but every bit of anger just melted away as I saw the tears running down her cheeks. I stopped and stared at her.
"Please, Rob. Don't make this any harder than it has to be. I'm going to fight him on the custody, but it's going to take months to get sorted out. Until then, we have to do everything under the original agreement, OK?"
"Yes ma'am," was all I said as I gathered what I would need for the weekend and threw it all in a bag. I had clothes at my fathers so there really wasn't much to pack. She just stood there and watched me the whole time without saying a word.
After I was done, I gave Henry a hug, shouldered my bag, and walked over to her. I gave her the biggest hug I could, and a kiss on the cheek.
"I'm sorry for upsetting you, mom." I told her.
"Oh, honey, it's all going to be fine. Just remember, I love you and so does your father. This may all be moot in a month, so don't be too hard on him."
"Yes ma'am," I replied.
She walked me to the door and gave me one last squeeze before I walked out. The drive way to the house wasn't terribly long, but it gave me a chance to cool off a bit. By the time I got down to my father's waiting Escalade, I had masked the irritation. Cat wasn't with him so I put my bag in the back and jumped in the front.
I asked, "Where's Cat?" as I got in and closed the door.
He just looked at me a second, as if expecting an apology for my behavior or something. I didn't blink, I just looked back at him.
He finally turned his head to the road and put the truck into gear.
"She went to hang out with Mindy and some other girls. She'll be home around 9."
"Oh, OK."
And that was it. The entirety of our conversation from my house, out to the ranch. As we walked into the house, my father asked, "What do you want to do for dinner?"
I was already halfway across the entry and I stopped, turned around, and said, "Go eat with mother, Neil, and Josh."
He just stood there. I turned back around and went upstairs. I wasn't hurried, just taking normal steps. I got into my room, threw my bag on the floor, and jumped into bed crying with my face buried in my pillow.
I didn't (and still don't) like confrontations because they always took a toll, especially when they were emotionally charged by family. The fact was, I loved my father. I knew he loved me. I knew, deep down, he wasn't doing this to hurt me intentionally, but the end result was the same. Oates made me analyze situations like this and develop a coping mechanism. Part of it was figuring out what was true, how it affected me, and releasing the tension. Sometimes I missed the order of operators, but the result was the same... clearer thinking and less anxiety.
And I knew, as I stopped crying, I would have to apologize to my father.
I ended up sleeping for about an hour and woke up to my father telling me he had something for me to eat downstairs. I was still kind of groggy, but managed to mumble out "OK". He stood there for a second and, when apparently sure I was actually awake, turned to leave my room.
"Please wait..."I asked him, causing him to stop at the threshold to the hallway. He turned back to me.
"Daddy, I'm sorry for what I said earlier. I know that doesn't make up for it, but I wanted to you to know I was. I'm just really angry with you about this custody nonsense..."
"We can talk about that later," he quickly interjected.
"... and I'm sure we will, but I just want you to know that while I'm mad at you, I still love you. OK?"
"OK. See you downstairs." And walked out of my room.
I'd thought this was going to be a fun weekend but I had no idea it was going to be this great. Honestly, what the hell did he expect? It's not like he was clueless about my GAD. In fact, mother damn near had to force him to meet with Oates when he wanted to talk to them in September. My
reaction to all this was entirely predictable. In fact, it was one of the reasons mother and Neil had made the decision to keep it from Cat and me. They even thought about telling her, but decided against it because she'd never keep anything from me and simply couldn't be trusted.
Too much change had a destabilizing effect on me and he was, in my mind, either being deliberately obtuse about what it would do to me or, worse, just didn't care.
This is something I've since come to understand about parents. Well, most parents, including my father. They never want to believe there is anything wrong with their child. THEIR child is perfect and if there's something wrong with them, it's got to be a mistake. My father was like that. He refused to see there was anything wrong with me, mentally, since for the most part it wasn't terribly obvious other than moodiness which could easily be attributed to typical teenage hormones. Meanwhile, inside my head, it's total disaster. I'd learned to manage things, to relax and work through the anxiety attacks when they happened and to even sometimes head them off before they could really develop. The therapy had helped me tremendously in terms of coming to grips with who I was and understanding that I was just wired differently than most people. It was something I would have to deal with for the rest of my life, a non-observable disability that would be with me until I died. But I could manage it as long as there wasn't too much at once. This fall had been too much, and I'd gotten inside my head for a bit, and then come back out. Even then I still hadn't touched the Xanax I'd been prescribed (HABIT FORMING still echoed through my head every time I thought of those pills). I knew I was getting better, but then he drops this bomb which threw me off badly. Worse, it meant one thing in particular to me... he still hadn't really accepted that I was gay.
I picked up my phone off the nightstand and texted Willy asking if we could hang tomorrow night and if I could sleep over. I then got up to use to the bathroom and wash my face. I came back to find a reply from him.
"Susie and I have date night tomorrow with Alan and his latest. Would love to have you along."
Knowing Willy, that last part wasn't sarcastic. But the thought of being the fifth wheel made spending an evening with my father seem positively exciting. I could have texted Brent, Frank or even George, but the person I really wanted was Willy. I just texted him back it was cool and that I'd catch up with him when I was back home on Sunday.
"Oh, shit. You're at your dads, aren't you?"
I replied, "Yep".
"OK. Let me see if I can cancel."
I sighed as I typed out my response, "No, dammit. You have plans you need to keep. I'll be OK, I promise. I should have been clear I was only asking if you were free. Seriously, man, Susie doesn't deserve to be canceled."
"You sure?" he responded.
"Absolutely" I replied.
Yep, this was one I was definitely going to have to suck up. The intercom on the phone beeped and I answered it.
"Did you fall back asleep?" my father asked.
"No sir, just getting cleaned up. I'm coming down now."
I slipped my phone into my pocket and went downstairs to find the table in the kitchen set.
"Well, whatever it is smells really good," I told him as I walked in.
"Yeah, it's chicken cacciatore. I got the recipe from Annabelle. Sit down and I'll bring it to the table." he replied.
We didn't really talk much as ate, a few words here and there, 'School's good. Still hate Geometry because it's dumb' or from him 'Still haven't closed that deal in Plano near Legacy.' One could say we were talking at each other more than to each other.
Finally, I'd screwed up the courage to say something.
I pushed my plate back and said, "I really want to talk about the suit."
He paused, in the middle of lifting food from his plate, then brought the fork to his mouth. He looked at me, emotionless, as he chewed. "Well, there's really nothing to discuss."
"There absolutely is. First, your reasons for requesting full custody are ridiculous..."
He interrupted, "And that will be decided by a judge, not my 15 year old son who is too wrapped up in things to see the danger."
"Oh, that's nonsense. THERE IS NO DANGER. If there were, it would have revealed itself LONG before now."
He glanced back up at me from his food, "I'm not willing to take that chance."
I stopped for a second, realizing I was only getting angry. Then, "So it's irrelevant to you that this will have a negative psychological and emotional impact on me?"
"Of course not, however, the potential impact from allowing you to remain is far more serious."
I got up from the table, rinsed off my dishes, and put them in the washer. I then turned to leave the kitchen and stopped behind the chair where I'd been sitting.
"May I be excused?"
"Sure," was the only response I got.
I went up to my room to get my Kindle and came back down to sit in the family room. I turned on the television to give myself some background noise and then I sat there, looking at the same page on the Kindle, for about 15 minutes.
I was enraged. I had vastly exceeded what I could realistically handle and was about to pop. I had to calm down and I sat thinking about things. Fundamentally, he was right... a judge would have to make a decision based on the facts. HOWEVER, my father's smug way of dealing with me on this was making me absolutely want to lash out. And I knew that just wasn't something I could do. Finally my father walked in and asked what I was watching and suggested we change to a movie.
We ended up watching one of the Bourne movies. A little after 9, Cat got home and we paused the movie to grab dessert. At one point, my father disappeared to the bathroom and I gave her a rundown on what had happened earlier. She knew enough to leave it as a dead topic for tonight.
Later, after we'd gone up to our rooms for the night, Cat came in and we talked a little. It wasn't much, mostly just that she was sorry she hadn't been there and I told her that she needn't be, I didn't fuck up. We talked about the next day and established some signals, a scratch of the nose for her to me, pulling on my ear from me to her, to let the other know we were going too far. We'd decided, come hell or high water, we were going to get through the weekend peaceably, that there would be no discussion about how horrible we had been or amended filings regarding how mother had turned us against him.
We both told ourselves there would be time for vengeance, especially for being forced to be nice (which Cat absolutely hated), later. I think deep down we both knew for my part, I was full of shit. It was hard for me to keep a grudge, impossible when it was family. Cat had a far more developed sense of justice and revenge, one of the things she shared with Josh. When someone fucked with them, the payback would be brutal.
Cat got into a snit over something with a friend more than a year before this night. They made up within days, but it didn't stop the friend from saying, "Now that we're friends again will you please not do anything to me?"
I tell someone I never want to see or talk to them again and they usually just laugh. Everyone knows that if it doesn't happen when I'm mad, it just isn't going to happen.
To give you some context as to why I'm bringing this up, about 13 months after this conversation when I'm in an induced coma, Cat will be doing everything in her power to make my father feel as shitty as possible. Because of the custody battle. Cat never forgets and she forgives only after she has her pound of flesh.
I remember not sleeping well that night. I woke up several times, breaking one of my bad dreams and then I'd fall back to sleep and straight into another. I knew it was my subconscious alerting me to the fact that my brain was set on a rolling boil. I was already aware so that just added to my irritation. I also knew a good nights sleep would help calm me and I wasn't getting it.
Around 7 I started to get up but realized that I didn't need to be anywhere or do anything. So, I went back to sleep until 9 and actually got a little rest. I went down to find my father and Cat chatting away.
"Good morning, sleepy head. There's eggs, bacon, and some waffles over there," he said, gesturing toward the island in the kitchen. I went over and helped myself, then sat down at the table with them.
"Sorry I'm late, I didn't sleep well last night and decided I needed a few hours more."
He just smiled, "Something on your mind?"
I just smiled back, to hide how angry I was, "Yeah, a friend who is having problems with his dad. See, his father keeps trying to manipulate and use him and he knows it's going on. The problem is, his father is so stupid and mechanical about it, almost childish to be honest, that it's really ruining the respect he has for him. I've been trying to think of a way to help him get through to his dad. It's just hard on him."
My fathers smile melted. "Well, I guess you have some thinking to do. I'm going to work on some stuff. Lunch will be ready at noon." And he got up.
"Ok, thanks. And thanks for the waffles, they're really good."
Cat was just staring at me as I continued to eat. I finally looked back at her and said, "What?"
"That was uncharacteristically bitchy."
I smiled back at her, "Thank you. I felt inspired after his remark about something being on my mind."
"Well, you know it won't get through to him, right?"
"Of course, but it made me feel better in a way that won't hurt mother."
The rest of the day was pretty ho-hum. About 3, Ben texted and asked if I wanted to go out with him and some of the baseball guys that evening. I asked my father if it would be cool and he said yes.
Cat and I went out to a little pond on the edge of the property inside a treeline. We never told anyone but it was our spot since it was absolutely beautiful, even in the dead of winter. We talked, mostly about my fathers bullshit and I finally broke down. Not exactly my proudest moment, but definitely one I needed. Cat, much to her credit, listened to me when I told her about what I was dealing with in my head and how I might react. Rather than try to talk me down, she just stroked the back of my head and let me unwind for a bit. Just feeling her hand on the back of my head helped calm me down and I was really grateful to her for that.
About five we went back to the house and I got cleaned up to go out. At 6, Ben called from the gate and I buzzed him in.
I told my father good bye and he just smiled and said, "Have a good time tonight. And you don't have to be home until 1230."
I just smiled back at him as I went through the door, "OK and thanks!"
I made a beeline for Ben's truck, hopped in, and we drove off. We were on the highway before I finally exhaled deeply.
"Damn, man, is it really that bad?" he asked.
I just looked at him, not really sure how much to tell him, but opting to just let it out. "Yeah, it's psychological warfare. He's making a point of trying to twist us up so we'll over react and he can claim mother is turning us against him when it's really quite the opposite. It's just fucking miserable."
"Dude, I'm sorry you're having to go through all this. It's not fair to you or your sister."
"Thanks, but we'll make it. I know I've got my limits but I know I've got my limits." I replied with a laugh.
Ben just looked over at me with this confused smile. Which made me laugh.
"It's a therapy thing. I know there's only so far I can go, but I also know where that is. It's about keeping yourself in control."
"Ah, that makes sense. Pretty cool way to put it," he said.
I snorted, "Dr. Oates thinks so as well." And learning it has only cost the insurance company about $15,000, I left unsaid.
We drove into town and met up with the guys at Mitchells to get something to eat. Tryouts were about a week away and the first day of practice would be at the end of January. The bad part about all this was that I was trying to bump one of the seniors off to get a spot. The even worse thing was that I liked them all, but I wanted to play varsity and with Ben's help, I felt like I could.
Most of them didn't know that, thankfully.
We went in and sat down with Reese and Andrew Billings. Andrew was a senior and Reese was a sophomore. Reese was hoping for varsity this year, but Ben and I both agree there was no way. Andrew was the baseball player in that family.
We sat down and said hello. Andrew looked at me for a second and then shook his head before apparently opting not to speak.
"What?" I asked him.
He looked over my shoulder, then straight into my eyes. "Ben told me what was going on and I just wanted to tell you it fucking sucks."
Reese kind of laughed, "Dude, you did that with all the care and kindness of a fucking robot." Then, he looked at me, "Seriously, bro, you need anything let us know. We're friends, too."
I had to quickly pull back the lump in my throat. These weren't guys who were generally in touch with their feelings. Ben was, they just weren't. For them to say this took a lot and I really appreciated it.
"Thank y'all. Seriously, it's good to know."
Andrew just smiled, "Baseball, brother. We always stick together." and held out his fist for me to bump.
We ordered and ate, then went to the strip trying to find something to do. I asked Ben if it was OK if I texted Josh to let him know what was up and he was cool with it. We ended up meeting at a parking lot in front of a grocery store. For the most part, they let us hang there for a while as long as no one left a bunch of trash and someone had to go in and buy something. Tonight I got picked, so I went in and got sodas for myself and Ben who was outside waiting for Josh and Lane to show up.
I ran into GOB inside while he was talking up one of the cashiers who was obviously enjoying the attention. I stood back, listening for a bit, thinking I was safe. Until GOB said something to the effect of, "No, really, she wasn't lying. It's big."
And I burst out laughing which caused him to turn, and then narrow his eyes. "You little motherfucker, get up here." He grabbed me around the neck, into a headlock and rubbed my hair to fuck it up which he didn't realize was absolutely fine since it always looked like that anyway.
The cashier, thinking it was all too cute, checked me out and I left. As I walked back to where I'd left Ben, I saw the Rover. Lane and Josh were already out talking to Ben and a few other people.
Josh noticed me walking up, and walked over to give me a hug before I reached everyone else.
"You OK?"
I weakly smiled back at him, "Yeah, I'm so fucking glad Ben texted to ask me if I wanted to hang tonight."
"I bet. Has he tried to pull anything?" he asked.
"Nah, just the usual bullshit. He's trying to provoke a response and he's not going to get it from either me or Cat. It's really awful, to be honest."
"I know, man. Just hang tough, you'll be back home tomorrow." he said, as he put his arm around to me walk back to the group.
"How's Henry?" I asked. This was, after all, my first weekend away.
Josh stopped, and looked down at me. "Well, I tried to get him to sleep with me, but he was having none of it. About 2 this morning, I heard him whining at your door, so I let him in your room and he went to bed. Most of today, he's been on high alert. Wherever he lays down, he's got to have a clear line of sight to the front door, like he's waiting for you to walk back in."
I laughed a little, nothing like a dog who loves you. "Make sure when you get home to put some water in the bowl in my room. I don't want him to have to walk all the way to the kitchen if he's thirsty."
Josh just smiled back at me, "OK, I will." and then he mumbled under his breath, 'fucking dog'.
I let it go, with a smile, because I knew Josh would take care of Henry for me. I also made a mental note to take him with me next time I went to my father's for the weekend.
We stood around, talking, waiting for girls to come by and stop. Lane and I had a nice talk about Josh's eating habits while he bullshitted with Ben and the guys. Earlier they'd gone to Taco Bell for dinner and for the first time in the almost two years they'd been together, Lane really watched Josh eat.
It was upsetting. Of course, throughout his story I am laughing at a fairly steady pace because Lane is really good at telling a story AND I've seen Josh eat. It bothers the hell out of his dad and mother. Josh is one of those people for whom the taste of food is irrelevant, he focuses on quantity and the more of it the better. I've long thought he would hold a plate up to his mouth and use the fork to push it into his gaping maw if he could.
Josh came over about 10 minutes later and told us we were heading to a party over at the Teagues. Chuck Teague was a year older than me and he and his family lived right on the line for our school district and Canton. His father insisted on Canton when he was in middle school. When he was able to have a party, it was usually pretty good because kids from all the smaller towns would show up and it could be a lot of fun. There was also, inevitably, a fight which was also fun as long as you weren't dragged into it.
I walked back over to where Ben was parked and got in the truck. Ben just looked at me like, 'What the fuck are you doing?' and I said, "What?"
"Why aren't you riding with Josh and Lane," he asked.
"Because, and I don't think you'll find this hard to believe, I actually like hanging out with you, dude. You've helped me get my game up and I'll see them tomorrow. I never get to hang out with you and being able to tonight has been pretty awesome."
His eyes narrowed a bit, "Damn. I don't know what to say," and he paused for a second, "You're not developing a crush on me, are you?"
And I laughed. And laughed. At first he did too until he realized I wasn't stopping. "Damn, it's not that funny. Hell, I'd have a crush on me!" he said defensively.
Thought tears I looked over at him, "No, you're straight. I think you're hot as hell, but there isn't anything there, I promise."
"Well, OK." and he started the truck, then looked over at me, "You really think I'm hot?"
And I rolled my eyes, "YES. You are. Don't tell me you need reassurance from the 15 year old homo!"
He just laughed as he put the truck and gear and we went out to the party. It was, for January, a pretty nice night. It was cold but the air was crisp and clear. The further we got out of the city, the clearer the stars were. One thing I still miss about living out at the ranch or at mother and Neil's house are the stars at night.
About 15 minutes later we drove up to a madhouse. We parked and then walked around the house to the back where a bonfire was going. We ran into a few people and I went to get some punch, thinking I was absolutely ready for another go at it. Chuck's version was, honestly, even better than GOBs. I drank my first glass pretty quickly then refilled and started to sip. I realized about 10 minutes later, I was in a perfect place and there was no way I wanted to mess it up.
I had texted Willy and asked if they were coming out. He didn't know, but he knew George and Brent were out there. It took me a bit to find them and they were both very drunk. Brent came up and gave me a hug, basically using me to stand up, as close as I could tell. Then it was George's turn to hug me/use me as a crutch. We talked for a bit until I realized neither were really making much sense and their focus seemed to be on 'getting some pussy'. I think at that point, out of the three of us, I was the only one who'd ever actually had vaginal intercourse.
I walked back toward the fire and ran into Christopher. I filled him in on what was happening and he gave me an update on his man. He'd found, in his words, his dream. The guy played football for a private school in Tyler, wasn't out at all (except to his family who'd already met and liked Christopher), and built, literally, like a linebacker and fucked like 'a madman'. I'd met the guy once during break and he was a real dudebro. Don't get me wrong, he was a nice guy and he punched Christopher's buttons very well. However, he seemed kind of dull and uninteresting to me. Even Josh who can usually jock out in the time it takes for the remote to tell the TV to change to ESPN, thought he was kind of void.
Still, he did it for Christopher and that was all that really mattered. Recently, they'd spent the weekend at Darrens parents house on Lake Palestine and had a rip roaring good time, which is what Christopher was telling me about when Mandy Perkins walked up. Mandy was a senior and very pretty. She was also a terrible gossip and kind of a slut. In other words, she was our kind of gal.
"What's up, homos?" she slurred as she walked up, leaning into Christopher who hadn't noticed her approach but didn't miss a beat, "Not me, I got blown earlier." That threw them both into a fit of laughter while I stood there, not nearly drunk enough to find the exchange quite as amusing as they did.
After a minute or two, they straightened up enough for Mandy to share the reason for her appearance.
"Do you remember my cousin from Paris?" she asked.
I responded, quickly, "No, Mandy, I don't think I've had the pleasure."
She just looked at me and smirked, "Well, you're going to get to."
"Kurt, right?" Christopher interrupted. "Is he coming to visit?"
Mandy beamed, "Better, he's moving here. His dad was transferred so they're moving in about a month!"
Christopher just looked at me, "Oh, man. You're going to love Kurt, Rob. He's sexy as hell and a really nice guy."
"Well, I was honestly thinking about him for you, Christopher." Mandy said, which made Christopher blush.
"Ah, Mandy, I've been dating someone but it's on the DL. He's not out completely." Which made Mandy jump and squeal. At that point, I decided I'd go find Ben and I told them both bye. I got about five feet from them before Mandy said, "Don't you want to see a picture?"
I turned, the baited hook obviously sunk deep into my jaw, and walked back. Mandy scrolled through the pictures on her phone (so many fucking selfies, what the hell did she do other than take them?) until she stopped on a shirtless stud who was, well, gorgeous. I couldn't gauge height, but he was built and really good looking. He wasn't as thick or muscular as Josh or Willy, but he was very hot.
"Damn," was all I could manage as I looked at the picture. When I looked up, I caught Christopher looking at me with a knowing smile and a wink.
"That's really what he looks like. And he's fun, too."
Mandy was eyeing me, "When he gets here, I promise I'll introduce you. Honestly, I think you'd hit it off."
Oh, really? We would? I would LOVE to hit off with him. Thanks so much Mandy for giving me stroke material for at least the next month.
I told them bye, then went to look for Ben. I was almost back to the fire when I heard someone yell, "Hallstrom!" and I turned to see none other Wes Johnson. I stood there as he closed the distance to me, waiting for some kind of change in speed or how he was holding himself, looking for any indication he was going to hit me, but he just walked up casually.
"No homos are supposed to be here, dumbass."
I just laughed, "No, Chuck said no bitches. You should really leave."
By this point, some people had started to gather around us, which of course drew more people.
"What the fuck did you say to me?" he angrily demanded.
I laughed a little and with a big smile on my face, I replied loudly, "I called you a BITCH you dumbfuck. You're a fucking little bitch who likes to sucker punch people."
His face looked like it was about to pop and he lunged at me, but he telescoped the move with his feet so I moved just to the side and he ended up in the dirt. Then I started to kick him in the chest and the head as hard as I could until Willy, who'd just arrived, wrapped me up and hauled me off. The whole time I was screaming "You stupid bitch! Fuck you, pigfucker! I'll beat you the fuck down if you come at me again!"
As a side note, this was something Oates and I obviously discussed the next week. My attack had landed Wes in the hospital with a broken cheek bone, jaw, and several broken ribs. There was some horrible bruising. It was far worse than anything I'd ever done before or since. Oates went relatively easy on me... Wes was someone I disliked anyway for very valid reasons. However, my response was aimed more at my father and my frustration with what he was doing, Wes just became a convenient stand in for the anger that had been building up.
Willy carried me a few feet further as the people Wes had come with picked him up and took him away. I finally calmed down and Josh, George, Ben, Brent, Lane, and others came up. I calmed down quickly and then started to shake. No sooner did Lane ask if I was OK than I puked. It wasn't from the alcohol, I'd not had nearly enough. It was the adrenaline from the fight and reliving the sickening sensation, in my head, of my foot hitting his face. His neck. His chest.
One hell of a fighter, right? Nerves of steel until just after the fight, then a complete wreck.
The crowd around me started to dissipate to Josh, Lane, and Ben. I finally calmed down and someone gave me a glass of water which I drank quickly, trying to get the taste out of my mouth. Since I felt better, and it wasn't even 1030, I decided I wanted some more punch. Lane walked over with me wanting to make sure I was OK.
He cleared his throat once we were away from Josh and, in a low voice, said, "Don't ever repeat this, but that little shit got what he deserved. I know you feel like crap, but you did the right thing. I don't know if this will end it, but you did what you needed to do."
"Thanks, Lane," was literally all I could think to say. I knew I'd gone overboard, that my inner rage had definitely come out and played. It wasn't me, I told myself, I wasn't that way. Having the reassurance of someone I trusted that I'd done the right thing did make me feel better, but it didn't provide the relief I really needed. Oates would have to help me with that.
Everyone pretty much kept their distance from me except for a few who asked how I was. I did my best to nut up, but it was obvious I was way out on a limb. That was the second time I'd lost control of myself and it scared me.
We each got some punch and made our way back. I saw Susie and Willy off talking with some people and I told Lane I'd meet him back where we'd been standing.
I walked up and stood next to Susie who put her arm around me and hugged me. I just stood there listening to a story being told by a junior whose name I honestly can't remember about Mr. Jenkins getting the crap scared out of him one Halloween when someone had planted a speaker in a frog he was dissecting and, when he cut into it, it screamed causing Jenkins to pull away so quickly that he fell off his stool, flailing. It's even funnier when you realize Mr. Jenkins is shaped like a potato with toothpicks for limbs.
I looked over at Willy and Susie and asked if I could talk to them privately. We ended up walking a few feet over, just out of earshot from the rest of the group.
"I just wanted to tell you thanks,"I said to Willy, "For pulling me off Wes. You've always got my back and I love you for it."
Then I looked at Susie, "I'm so sorry for screwing up your date. I know this was the last thing you wanted or needed and I just wanted you to know I didn't mean for this happen."
Susie just smiled, "You don't need to apologize for a damn thing. He started it and you finished it. Honestly, I kind of wish Willy hadn't pulled you off him. He's a jackass and I'm glad you did what you did." She then pulled me into a hug and whispered in my ear, "Willy's not the only one who loves you, Rob. Just remember that."
The rest of the party was pretty uneventful, thankfully, and I put the fight behind me as best I could. Ben had decided to stay, so I ended up catching a ride with Christopher. We talked on the way to the ranch about Kurt and he filled me in. They'd hooked up once and it had been great, but Kurt was kind of a player. Christopher thought he was someone who would cheat, he seemed to always need something new. He asked if that was something I could be OK with and I told him I honestly didn't know.
Which was absolutely 100% true. My parents didn't get divorced because of cheating, they got divorced because they wanted to pursue separate lives. I was relatively certain that neither of them had cheated during their ersatz separation and I wasn't carrying emotional baggage from some sexual dalliance either had and it's aftermath. I just didn't know how I felt about it. I didn't know if it was something I could accept.
I walked in the door to the house at 1226 and my father was still up. I filled him on the events of the night since I thought there was a good chance he might have to help me deal with it tomorrow and I didn't want him caught off guard. I then went up and peeked in on Cat before I went to bed, seeing her sleeping peacefully with a smile on her face, probably the result of a dream in which she is eating a chocolate doughnut and washing it down with chocolate milk she drinks from the skull of her enemy.
Sunday ended up moving pretty fast and at 530 I was walking into my house to Henry demanding a hug and giving me kisses. Josh had already prepped mother and Neil about the fight. My mother was disappointed, but she also understood Wes was a nasty little asshole and that I hadn't thrown the first punch. I think keeping my promise to her was more important than beating the crap out of him. Luckily, Josh wasn't too explicit about how brutal I was to him.
Nothing really happened regarding the custody battle, at least from the point of view of me and Cat, for most of January and February which gave us time to concentrate on things we cared about.
At the end of January was the first official practice and Coach Adams had us divided pretty well based on age. All the freshman players were on the freshman team, JV was sophomores and juniors who didn't play varsity last year and then varsity was the players from last year. Since some of the varsity had graduated, filling it was the first order of business.
At the end of practice the second day, Adams moved Frank and me up to JV. Alan and Ben were both certain this was the first step to moving me to varsity since I'd really been doing well in practice. By Friday, I was starting to believe them and after practice, as we all showered and got dressed in our street clothes, Adams posted the rosters.
Frank and Reese laughed at how quickly I was moving. Frank had to remind me at one point that the roster wouldn't change whether I got there in ten minutes or twenty. I just stopped and looked at him like he'd just said the dumbest thing in the universe which made Reese laugh just that much harder. While they were sauntering into the shower, I was walking out to check the roster, dressed but still pretty damp.
I went up to look and decided to check freshman first, then JV, and then varsity. It felt like a beauty pageant, with second runner up being freshman and first runner up being JV. All I could think about was the fact that first runner up was also first loser.
I scanned the freshman list and didn't see myself. Then I moved to JV and my heart sank. I was on it. Starting, but I was starting on JV.
Please welcome to the stage first loser, Rob Hallstrom! Rob's a freshman at Ouichita High School where he is clearly not good enough to play varsity.
I was pretty crestfallen and just stood there. I couldn't move, I just kept looking at the JV roster and my name on it. I didn't cry, but I was really disappointed in myself. And now, I had to go face my father who was picking me up because he had some stuff I needed to sign and the first question out of his mouth would be...
I'd probably been standing there for about three minutes when I felt someone behind me. I blew it off for another minute, then finally turned to look and saw Coach Redmond who was Adam's assistant. He just looked down at me and said quietly, "Follow me".
He led me outside to the parking lot where I could see my father waiting.
He looked down at the ground, then raised his head and looked me straight in the eye. "Rob, I need you to know both Coach Adams and I see the way you work and play. We both know varsity is important to you. He and I both want to see you season a bit with the JV team before we make any final decision. I know you're disappointed, but part of the reason we're doing this is to really see you how you work with the team."
I looked him back in the eye and said, "I'm sorry, I know I'm being a baby about all this. I won't let y'all down." I stuck my hand out. He smiled broadly at me and shook it.
"You outta know," he started, "this is one of the toughest years we've ever seen. We didn't think we'd be moving any freshman up. Starting on JV this year is impressive. Now, go tell your folks and have a good weekend."
"Yes sir," I replied and walked away from him toward my dad's truck.
I got in to find him on the phone. I just buckled up and he took off. About two minutes later he was off the phone and he asked the question.
I sighed, "Well, no one got moved to varsity this year. Frank and I were the only freshman moved up and it was to JV. I'm starting."
He just sighed, "Well, I know it's not what you wanted but I have to tell you, it sounds pretty damn good."
I sat back in the seat, staring out the window, and told him, "It is. But it's not varsity."
"Son, you need to realize you're not going to get every single thing you want when you want it. A lot of it is going to come to you when you're ready, some of it will come at a better time, and some of it just won't ever come. I don't know jack about baseball, but I know you're damn good at it and I know you pour your heart into it. Varsity will come, but for now this is a hell of an achievement."
I sat there, silently, for the remainder of the ride to his attorneys office. My father's attorney always gave me the creeps, mostly because he was really old (like Methuselah old), chain smoked, and had a voice that was like you'd expect from someone who'd been gargling asphalt mixed with battery acid.
This wasn't the guy my father was using for the custody suit, this was Jim Bob Williams, his business and estate attorney. He died about six months after this meeting, after an accident involving a bottle of scotch and a bet. I still don't know the story, but my father assures me it is one of the funniest things ever and that he will tell me the story 'when I'm older'.
We went into his office and his secretary waived us on back without missing a beat on her call. My father walked in ahead of me and walked straight over to Jim Bob who shook his hand, and then looked over at me.
"You little motherfucker, get over here!" he demanded. I walked over to him, uncowed by the language because I'd been exposed to it all my life.
"How are you, Mr. Williams,"I asked as I shook his hand.
"Not bad. And I hear congratulations are in order for making JV baseball. Damn fine work, young man."
My dad just smiled while I was confused as hell.
"How could you know that? The roster was just posted 20 minutes ago."
"Shit, son, you don't get to be as old and well fed as I am without knowing every damn thing that happens in this town. I gotta tell you, it's impressive for anyone to get moved up this year with the boys Adams had returning and the old JV players coming back. I can't wait to see you play."
I smiled, probably more than I had at any point during the day, "Thank you, I really appreciate it."
My father looked at his watch and said, "Jim Bob, let's get this rolling. I have to get the boy over to his mothers."
"Oh hell, Ed. This ain't gonna take but a minute," he said to my father. Then looking at me, "Have a seat."
He sat down heavily in the chair behind his desk. "Alright, your grandfather, God rest his whiskey soaked soul, set up generation skipping trusts for you and Cat when y'all were little. You're going to get access to some of that money when you turn 16, but withdrawals have to be approved by me and the financial adviser who runs the fund, until you're 25. Obviously, we're not going to approve anything crazy, but this will buy your first car, pay for college, and buy your first house. You'll more than likely end up retiring on this money.
Part of the trust stipulated that you be made aware of how it runs, the investment strategy, and other minor issues when you turn 15 and a half. You're not quite there yet, but your father figured we outta go ahead and take care of it."
He picked up a manila envelope and handed it to me. "That's a copy of the complete trust and contact information for the planner and myself. There are also copies of the last eight quarterly statements, including the most recent. From now on, you'll get copies of those as well. Everything in here is a copy so don't worry about losing it, I can run you up another set if you need it."
I nodded and said thank you as I took the envelope.
"Now,"he started, "I just need you to sign this statement certifying that we've had this talk and you've been given information on the trust."
I signed the sheet and then passed it back to him. The whole thing was a little odd. When he was done signing, he looked up at me and smiled. I looked over at my father and asked, "Is that it?"
My father just looked over at me, with this bewildered look on his face.
"There's nothing you want to ask Mr. Williams?" he asked me.
I looked over his shoulder for just a second, trying to make him think I was considering my situation when I was really just looking at the print Mr. Williams had on his wall, which I was sure was a Lichtenstein.
"No, sir." Jim Bob, never one to beat around the bush, "Don't you even want to know how much money is in it?"
I thought for a second and then told them, "I'll look at the most recent statement over the weekend. I'm 15, there's not a lot of stuff I really need."
"Well, that's a damn interesting way to look at, son." He then stood and came around his desk as my father I both stood up and shook his hand, saying our goodbyes. I kept glancing over at the print and Williams finally blurted out, "It's an original print. You like it?"
I smiled at him, "Yes sir, very much."
"I do too and I can't for the life of me tell you why. My wife got it for me when she was in San Francisco a few years ago. Best $30,000 of my money she ever spent," he finished, laughing.
When we got back in the car, my father asked me about the picture. I told him what it was and he asked if I'd like something like it for my birthday next year.
"Well, I'd love it. But, I'd really love a car." Which got a laugh out of him.
He ended up running me directly out to the house and I told him I'd talk to him next week.
I walked up to the door and let Henry out who was all about sharing his love with me until the urge to pee became overwhelming and he ran off to water the flower bed. Shortly thereafter he came back to me and we went inside. No one was around so I went to my room to drop my stuff, and we climbed in bed for a little nap.
Thirty minutes later Cat was in my face lifting my eyelid, one of her more annoying ways of waking me up. Henry, the fucking traitor, just watched wagging his tail. Apparently, he was more wary of Josh and than he was Cat.
"Oh my God, don't do that, freak!" I screamed at her, causing her to snicker. "What the hell is wrong with you that wake me up that way?!?"
She just smiled and said, "Come on, dummy, it's time for dinner," and completely ignored the question.
I walked into the kitchen and gave mother a hug, telling her as quietly as I could about what I'd done with my father after practice. She sighed when I was done and told me she that he'd moved up the timing on the disclosure because he was afraid when I did turn 15 and a half, we would not be speaking. It sent a chill up my spine and in hindsight, it was a good indication of what was to come.
Josh came in late with Lane in tow and they both congratulated me on about the starting position on JV. I was a bit happier by this point, but still a little disappointed especially since Josh had made varsity his freshman year so easily. Honestly, it wasn't that I was comparing myself to him, but I did want him to think of me as and equal, not just as a friend and brother. Stupid, I know, but you've more than likely discovered by now that I'm was a pretty normal kid when it comes to brains and critical thinking.
We had a nice dinner and the weekend itself was good and relaxing. Henry and I slept in both days, something that amazed Cat and my mother who couldn't get Maisy, our schnauzer puppy, to sleep past six am. Which meant Maisy slept with my mother and Neil, much to Neil's obvious irritation.
February was a good month, not really because of an unbelievable event but because it was pretty normal. Practice was good and I was having a great time on JV. Ben told me I should be ready, he thought they'd move me up after the third or fourth game. It actually happened after the sixth when Jeremy Nelson had an accident and was going to be out for at least four weeks. Adams and Redmond brought me in before practice the next day and told me they were moving me to varsity.
I should have been happy, but the only thing going through my head was what would happen to JV. A part of me felt really shitty about the prospect of leaving those guys high and dry. While I wasn't the only good player on JV, I was pretty essential. I didn't want them to think I was running from them to help myself.
Adams was the one who got me out of my head. "Son, most kids in your position would be thrilled, but you look like you're about to shit yourself. What's wrong?"
I cleared my throat and sat up straight, forcing myself to look Adams in the eye. "Coach, it's exactly what I wanted, but I feel bad about leaving the guys on JV. Can you give me some time to think about it?"
Adams got kind of red faced, "There's no thinking, this is happening. I need you on varsity and that's where you're going to go."
Redmond stepped up a bit, put his hand on his shoulder and Adams calmed down a bit. "Rob, it's good to hear you thinking this way, but we need you on varsity. If you want to break it to the guys tomorrow, we'll give you some time, but this needs to happen. Do you understand? We need you."
"Yes sir, I understand. Thank you for the time." At that point I stood up. "May I go now?"
Adams, kind of befuddled, just blurted out, "Yep" and that was it.
I was supposed to grab a ride that day with Josh so I walked over to the field house and went in, saying hi to the guys I knew. Josh was finishing up a set and roared out the last rep. As he got up from the bench he noticed me standing there.
"Rob, what's wrong?" he asked, trying to catch his breath.
I smiled back at him, "Nothing, really. Just have a decision to make. I'll tell you about it on the way home."
Josh finished his workout and I found a place to sit down, thinking. 20 minutes later, we were walking out to the Rover and, once inside, he said, "What happened? And don't tell me nothing, you look like you're completely lost."
I sighed, "Take the long way home," and I told him what had happened and what I was thinking. His advice was simple.
"You don't have a choice. The coaches need you on varsity and so do those players. I get that you're loyal to your bros on JV, but this is something you have to do."
"Yeah, I know," I said. "Still feels like I'm betraying them."
"Man, you're the only guy I know who would feel that way about being moved up. YOU earned this. They didn't go to Frank, or Reese, or even Medford. They want you. You should be proud of the player you are because it's given the coaches enough confidence to put you on varsity."
I'll admit, Josh stoked my ego just enough to help. I called Willy and Brent and talked to them about it and they basically echoed what Josh had said.
That night, I actually slept well. A cold front had blown through and Henry was like a heater back up to me, one of things to which I attribute my good nights sleep.
No one at school knew anything about what was happening. My anxiety level stayed pretty good until I the end of the day and made my way toward the locker room. I got my gear on and Redmond came in and told all the JV players to stay put once they were dressed out.
About ten minutes later, everyone was dressed and Redmond looked at me. I started to stand and he quickly shook his head no.
"Guys, I have some bad news. Y'all know Jeremy messed up his knee pretty bad and he's going to be out for about four weeks. Coach Adams and I have made a decision about moving a player up from JV, but he's a little worried because he thinks he's abandoning y'all. I told him it was nonsense. Does anyone disagree?"
No one raised their hand. It was a real relief to me and then my heart caught in my throat as I saw Reese's hand go up. Redmond asked him what he wanted.
"Well, I just wanted to tell whoever it is that we'll be fine. But I already have a feeling I know who it is."
Redmond smiled broadly, "Who do you think it is?"
"I know it's Hallstrom. He's the only idiot who'd be worried about what would happen to us when asked to move to varsity."
And the locker room erupted in laughter.
Redmond just looked at me, laughing himself, but didn't say anything. He finally nodded to me when I raised my hand.
"I'm sorry for being an asshole guys, I've just really enjoyed playing with y'all and I just didn't want y'all to think..."
Redmond stopped me, "Times up. Hallstrom, you're on v. That's our choice. We're done here."
And with that, everyone started to get up and came over to congratulate me. My first practice with the varsity was really good, but I didn't feel like I had the flow of the team yet. I knew how Alan and Ben played, but the rest would take me time to get used to and we had anything but with our first game literally the next day.
Luckily, it was an easy one and we won. I felt at home with the guys, it helped that the stands were full of people who were cheering for me, including the entire JV.
After the game was over, I went over to the fence to talk to the guys and my family. Josh just had to give me a hug, which embarrassed me no end. Just as I was turning to head in to clean up, I heard a voice that sounded familiar calling my name. It was Mandy and there was a guy walking next to her that had to be Kurt.
We talked for a bit, then Mandy begged off and left us alone. What followed was an awkward moment of silence that both of us tried to break at the same time, twice, before he finally started and I didn't say anything.
"I don't want to come across as a perv or something, but I think you're really hot and I'd love to go out with you tomorrow night."
And I just stood there, blushing, looking just past him at a tree in the parking lot. I think I only spaced for a minute or so, but it took him blurting out my name a few times before I finally came to.
"I'm sorry, I was just thinking about the question... uhm, yeah, I'd like that."
He smiled broadly, "OK, give me your number and I'll text you with the details tomorrow morning." and then he leaned it to give me a kiss. On the lips. And it was actually electric. As I opened my eyes I could see him looking at me and I knew I'd given myself away.
He backed away, still managing to look sexy and so cool, and then turned to walk briskly into the parking lot.
And I, sporting pretty obvious wood, went into the locker room to change.
Thanks for reading! Any comments can be sent to doncornelius69 at yahoo dot com.
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