Here we go again. I hope you enjoy this chapter. I'm working on a new story for those intrested Circle the Noun, in the highschool section. If you think this tale has a lot of turns wait till you read CTN. I hope you enjoy it.
Again, this is a story about gay relationships so 1. if you are breaking the law, underage, or just hate gay stuff don't read any further. The World Wide Web is a big place so you can find something else. 2. The story is not based on any real person place thing, or another person's idea. So any similarities are pure chance. 3. Since this story is of my own creation, I have the copyright to it. No other postings, except at nifty, are allowed. Nor is the selling of the story to others permitted. Any questions about the above, please write.
Enjoy
JMH
trandar2002@yahoo.com
Jacob jumped when he heard his name being called out... not that it was unusual in their busy clinic, but from whom was calling him by his first name... Chance.
"Jacob, can I talk with you?"
"Yes, Chance?"
"I was... well, I was wondering if you could come with me to a rehab group. Part of the program requires that one bring a guest."
"A rehab program. I didn't know you were in one. I would be glad to be supportive of you," Jacob smiled... hoping that the miles of ice that had seemed between them were finally breaking.
It was at a small local church that Jacob knew nothing about. When he came in his gaydar went off like crazy as it seemed that half the people there were gay.
"Chance... is this your guest?"
"Yes... This is Mr. Hiller."
"Nice to meet you Mr. Hiller."
"Call me Jacob."
"Will do. Now we have coffee and nametags. The meeting starts in five minutes."
Jacob put on a nametag and began to mingle. Chance and around half the group seemed very nervous and silent while the other half seemed happy... almost snooty. The room seemed to be filled with a tense energy.
"Alright, we are about to begin. Welcome to Renewal," Saul said as he moved to the center of the circle of chairs. "Today we have several "guests " that we would like to welcome. There is Jacob who came with Chance. Gill... with Terry... and Samantha with Julie." As each name was called out there were short applauses. "Now before we start with the testimonials we should go over what this group is all about. We are a group of men and women who have succeeded in escaping the sins of our lives and strive to free ourselves from them. Some groups focus on alcohol... others drugs... ours is sex."
To the last one, half of the new guests chuckled including Jacob. Not just because he and Chris tended to be wild in the sheets but the last thing he thought Chance would have a problem was with sex.
"Yes... I know it seems funny but many of us have struggled with the emptiness in our lives. The emptiness that comes from homosexual relationships ."
"What the fuck!" Gill shouted as Samantha slapped the woman who brought her before she left. Jacob for his part did not know if he wanted to laugh or scream.
"Not everyone is open to the truth..." Saul continued.
Jacob eyebrows furrowed as he noticed the reactions of the different people. The ones he was sure were gay seemed embarrassed, if not scared, while the ones who he were sure were straight just nodded their heads in agreement as Saul continued to ramble on. He then had to listen to the testimonials of the other members which seemed to be divided in two groups... those who really seemed to be struggling with their sexuality and those who found it easy to damn it.
"Wait... can I ask you a question?" Jacob asked before Chance's turn.
"Yes Jacob... we are happy that you seem interested in our group," Saul grinned in a super sweet smile.
"Were you a top or a bottom?"
"What?'
"Back when you were gay... did you fuck... get fucked... or both?"
"Well, uhmmmm, I was a top."
"And what about you?" Jacob pointed to another.
"A top?" The man said uncertainly.
"And you..." Jacob continued until he had asked everything guy he was sure was straight. All of them said they were tops. Jacob then asked Gill what he was.
"A proud bottom!" He declared seeing the point Jacob was trying to make.
Jacob then tried to ask the others he was sure were gay, but most of them refused to answer as if out of embarrassment... that included Chance.
"Hmmm, now that is funny... all the guys whom I am sure are straight say they are tops," Jacob said when he finished his questioning.
"What is your point?" Saul asked venomously.
"My point is that the only people who seem to be happy are the straight ones who also all seem to be tops... including the women."
"We are straight... we worked very hard to become that way."
"Yeah it might be easy if you were never gay in the first place," Gill retorted.
"I think you should leave," Saul said pointing to the door.
"I would but my soon to be ex friend David drove me here."
"Fine... then you can wait outside."
"Happy to. Tired of listening to this shit," Gill said before leaving.
"So how many times did you do it with a guy?" Jacob asked Saul once Gill was gone.
"Just once... I soon saw the error of my ways."
"Hahahaha, you expect me to believe that. Gay sex is like a lay potato chip... you just can't have it once."
"Well, that is all it took."
"Well then how do you know you were gay if you only did it once."
"I'm not gay... I mean I'm no longer gay," Saul said clearly becoming flustered.
"Ok let's say you only had sex with a man once. Are you telling me that the first and only time you did it you went right to fucking?"
"NO!"
"Then why did you say you were a top? If you ask me it seems you are the confused one around here."
"Get out of here! Chance, I don't want you to ever talk to this man again... he endangers your soul."
"Chance... if anyone endangers your soul its this guy," Jacob said as he got up to leave.
Chance was angry and confused. He knew what Jacob's point had been. Half the group was not made up of ex-gays but of straight men and woman who had never engaged in homosexual contact ever. He felt used... a pet project, something that these people could pity and manipulate and later feel good about themselves; that they were doing the Lord's good work.
Instead of going back home, Chance went to the grocery store and got himself a bottle of vodka. Chance knew he was a mean drunk. That is what had ruined his marriage... that and being gay. He should of never had married Vanessa for both their sakes. The only time he had ever been interested in sex was when he was either trying to prove he was not gay... wasted... or as more often happened, both. It had been during their short marriage that Chance had confessed his feelings for men to her... She was a conservative Catholic who went at once looking for groups to "change him". That was how he had met the Renewers and in a way it had worked. He fought his lust with hatred. He went from a nervous yet friendly guy to a cold self righteous one. Even more then his drinking... it was his lecturing that drove Vanessa to file for a divorce. But instead of seeing it as a chance to start over... Chance had viewed it as a failure. This made the approval of the Renewers even more important to him.
The hugs... the pats on the back... the words of encouragement all helped lessen the emptiness he felt. He could not succeed as a husband or a friend but he could at being an ex-gay.
But thanks to Jacob all that success crumbled apart. All the men he looked up to for how they could fight their urges had just been unmasked as men who had never dealt with homosexual feelings. He could not go back there knowing that half the group must view the rest of them as a joke. He was a ship without an anchor.
At the checkout counter he saw an out of date men's fitness magazine. The picture was in black and white, but the guy on it was hot so he took it. He got home, poured himself a drink. chugging it down before he had a chance to put the bottle down. He then peeled off his clothes and went to what had been his office, but had to turn into a gym at the Renewers request. The room had been an extra bedroom with a large mirror on the closet door. Taking some tape he ripped out and hung up the front cover of the magazine on the left size of the mirror. Chance then went back to the kitchen and took a swig of vodka, this time not bothering with the glass.
Carrying the bottle with him he went to his bedroom now only dressed in his boxers. He soon slipped those off and put on a black jock strap but not before giving his cock a good tug.
Having finished off half the bottle and feeling a good buzz Chance made his way back to the exercise room. He looked at himself in the mirror flexing his muscles, getting off on his own reflection. He ran his hands down his hard abs, slipping them under the ban of his jock feeling the heat of his hardening meat. He then moved closer to the mirror so his face was just against the magazine cover.
With his dick pressed up against the cold reflection of the mirror and a tear running down his face Chance kissed the man on the cover wishing it was the real thing. He did it again and again until the friction caused the tape to loosen and the cover fall to the ground. Chance was then able to get a good look at what he was doing and it enraged him. He slammed a fist against the mirror, breaking it and cutting his hand at the same time. Yelling in pain and anguish he went to the bathroom and washed the shards of glass out of his hand. When he came back he calmed himself down by taking another deep swig of the bottle, as he looked at his image in the broken mirror.
Seeing only his imperfection in the mirror, Chance went to work on the gym equipment, lifting weights heavier then he would usually do when he was sober. The self-anger inside of him fought against the drowsiness of the vodka, but in the end his body had to give.
It was while he tried to bench press fifty more pounds then he usually did that his hand slipped and the bar came crashing down onto his chest to the sound of the cracking of ribs. He had just enough strength to push the bar off him before he yelled in pain.
Tara put on what she felt was her most alluring dress and tried to walk up to Darren's house with her chin high.
"Tara... I'm surprised to see you," Darren said.
Tara gave Darren a weak smile. "Can I come in?"
"Sure... can I get you something to drink?"
"Mineral water would be nice."
"Coming right up," Darren said as he hopped into the kitchen.
"Wow... the house almost looks complete," Tara said as she took in the well-lit open spaces.
"This part is... There is still two other wings that need to be finished, but Jacob and Chris's rooms will be done in a few weeks," Darren grinned as he handed her the drink.
"How is Jacob doing?" Tara asked if embarrassed she needed to ask the question.
"He's doing well... when was the last time you saw him?"
"Three weeks ago."
"What...? That's strange... did the two of you have a falling out?"
"Yes... and that is why I am here."
"Well, tell me about it?" Darren said as he led her to the plastic covered furniture.
"You see... well... you know there has been some bad blood between us."
"I didn't know that," Darren replied honestly
"I know... that's what is driving me nuts. You're too good a catch. You never had to make a choice about your relationships. Men and women have always been waiting for you whenever your relationships go bad."
"Is this about you and me?"
"It's about all of them, you, me, my brother, Will, and Philip. You never had made a mistake in your relationships. You never had to have regret."
"I have regrets. I regret hurting people I love. I regret losing Will."
"But you have never had to live with them. You have always been loved and wanted," Tara said, border-lining on hysterics.
"Want to tell me what this is really about?"
"Yes! I was supposed to marry you! You were supposed to be my husband and the father of my kids! I was not supposed to marry Thomas!" She said as she pounded on Darren's chest.
"Things are that bad between the two of you?"
"Oh for him, things are fine between us. He just doesn't want any more kids. Says we need to fight against over population, but I know that the real reason is that he does not want to be bothered. He wants for us to go out at anytime without having to worry about a baby sitter. He wants to take me out to concerts. He wants us to go on romantic vacations. He wants us to do all the things that would be easy if we just did not have kids!"
"I'm sorry Tara," Darren said as he rocked her in his arms.
"What am I supposed to do? He really loves me and I love him, but I also want a family. Damn you, Darren... you were suppose to be mine."
"Tara... what do you want me to do? I took John...happily... to take the pressure off you. What more can you want?"
"I want you to marry me!" She said as if it were completely logical.
"Tara... you are... you come here telling me how I messed up your life and now you are asking me to marry you."
"Ok... then give me a baby. Get me pregnant again."
"Why... how will that make things better? As you say Thomas doesn't want any more kids."
"But the child could live with you... you could raise him and I can visit him. I can still be a mother."
"Tara I can't do that. It's adultery. You are married."
"Oh and you are telling me that just because you are "bisexual" and can't really marry whatever guy your screwing you can sleep with as many men as you want."
"Tara if you are referring to Jacob... we have not slept together in over two years. As to the wild things that happened before... it is one of the regrets I still live with."
"So you won't sleep with me?"
"No," Darren said with finality.
"Damn you Darren!" Tara said as she pushed herself away from him.
"Tara, you need to decided what is important to you... a father or a lover. If you want a father you will divorce Thomas and find yourself a new husband. If it is a lover then go ahead and stay with him."
"Leave Thomas... with a kid... do you have any idea how hard it would be to find a new husband?"
"Tara, you want me to solve all your problems when there is nothing I can really do about them. I would recommend that you see a psychologist, but coming from me you would take it the wrong way. Would you like to see John before going?" Darren asked to end the conversation.
"Yes... but I must look like a wreck."
"The bathroom is down the hall to the left. I'll go get John. Would you like to see Kyle as well?"
"Sure... he's your son as well. Sort of makes me his stepmother."
"Ok... but don't tell him that... we are reading Cinderella right now."
"Thanks for the tip," Tara said as she excused herself.
When she came back John and Kyle both were waiting on the sofa, hands in their laps.
"John!" Tara called out when she saw her son.
"Mommy!" John shouted back running up to her for a hug.
Of course Kyle...seeing what John was doing, copied him. "Mommy!"
"Oh my," Tara said as she was overwhelmed by the two boys' hugs. She thought about trying to correct Kyle's statement but it was only a fleeting thought.
The whole clinic staff was worried about Chance. Nearly each day he would come in looking wasted. He had gone from stoic to short-tempered and the patients were complaining.
Jacob... wanting to give his partners some explanation for Chance's behavior told them about the Renewers meeting. It gave Chance some breathing room but the other two doctors wanted Jacob to get Chance to clean up his act before they had to take more drastic measures.
It was during the quiet moment of the office lunch break that Jacob went up to him. "How ya doing Chance?"
"Who said you could call me by my first name?" The red eyed doctor spat.
"Alright Dr. Katt... how are you doing?" Jacob repeated the question.
"Why are you talking to me?"
"Well the rest of us drew straws and I got the short one... go fig."
"I am FINE!'
"No you're not. You've not been fine since that meeting you dragged me to."
"Don't talk about that! It's your entire fault. You... you... you..."
"I what...exposed them for what they really were."
"You ruined my life."
"No... I think you were well on the way there without my help. You just can't take responsibility for it."
"Responsibility!" Chance yelled. "It is because of responsibility that my life is hell."
"That is because you are taking responsibility for the wrong things. You are not responsible for your sexual feelings. You are not responsible for wanting to be loved. You are responsible to TRY to be happy and to not be too big of a jerk."
"I hate myself."
"I know... you don't need to learn how to love yourself as I feel everyone can do that. You need to believe that loving yourself is ok. Will you let me teach you how?"
"But you are a fag. Why would you want to help me? All fags care about is sex, drugs, money, and appearances."
"Do you see me like that?"
"No... that is why you scare me."
"Hahahaha, I scare you?" Jacob asked in disbelief. He was more then a half foot shorter then Chance.
"Yes... you are gay, but stable and happy. That scares me."
"Hmmmm." Jacob thought, trying to understand. It then came to him. With the drugs, reckless sex, and youth obsession stereotyped to gay men a man could use the excuse of morals to remain in the closet. Not because of homosexual sex, but of all the other vices linked to being gay. What Chance really needed was to see the Darren's, Chris's and even Jacob's of the world to see that it was ok. It was seeing that it was ok that Chance was afraid of.
"I'm taking you home with me," Jacob said more as a command then an offer.
"I won't sleep with you!"
"Ha... who says you're my type...plus I have my own guy," Jacob laughed. Gosh this was becoming a bad habit. First Darren, then Chris, now Chance. If he kept helping men out of the closet he would have to add it to his résumé.
Chance was glad the door to his exercise room was closed when he opened his apartment door. In addition to the broken mirror he had added several holes to the wall. Still the place was littered with empty bottles and dirty cloths. Reminded Jacob a lot of when he visited his mother. Finding only worn suits...Jacob pulled the pillows out of their cases and used them to stuff them with dirty laundry.
"Any personal items you want to bring back?"
"No... there is nothing here I want or need."
"Ok... let me take you to your new home."
As they were getting ready to move in with Darren and Philip, Jacob took Chance to the same house. Two of the three guestrooms were already furnished. As Jacob needed to get back to the clinic to take care of his own patients and had divided Chance's during his absence, he showed Chance the laundry room and left him to it.
The laundry room was in a separate one-story building overlooking the pool. It had a changing room and a full bathroom. The first thing Chance did was take a shower, not having taken one in the morning or the night before. It was while he was looking at himself in the mirror that he noticed the nasty taste in his mouth. As they had not pick up his stuff in the bathroom, Chance eyed one of the four toothbrushes resting in a cup on the sink. Two of them were smaller and had cartoon characters on them while the other two were one of those with the many grooves and curves the drug store sold at a mark up. Not wanting to touch the kid brushes, Chance gingerly took the dark blue one, check to see if anyone was there and began brushing. He was just spiting into the sink when a voice startled him.
"That's my husband's toothbrush."
"What! Sorry..." Chance quickly apologized. When he straightened his back he saw a god behind him. He was just like the models he ogled from men's health magazines. He had straw blond curly hair a long slender body packed with muscles, eight pack abs, sculpted arms, and a near hairless dark tanned body. He was also only dressed in a wet black speedo. Chance could feel himself hardening under the towel wrapped around his waist.
"We have guest toothbrushes in the medicine cabinet. I'm Philip and you must be Chance. We read the message Jacob left," Philip grinned as he reached over Chance's shoulder to open the cabinet up.
"We?" Chance said frozen into place. He was sure if he straightened his back anymore his shoulder would touch Philip's arm.
"Is the shower warm yet?" Another voice asked coming in from the laundry room.
"No, but I found our house guest," Philip laughed.
Still frozen into place, Chance watched another god enter the room but while Philip was blond, the new one was dark brown with short wavy hair. He was also not as slender as the first, but more built, giving him a more rugged look. He was dressed in a red speedo.
"Hi, I'm Darren," He introduced himself.
Chance felt relief when he saw Philip take one of the toothbrushes out of the cabinet, move back and hand it to Darren.
"Looks like you need a new one hon," Philip said as he handed Darren the green brush.
"Sorry for using your brush Dar-ren," Chance stuttered.
"Don't worry about it Chance... just surprised you would of picked my brush up, the bristles on mine tend to get messed up quickly... dentist says I brush too hard.
"Uh hu..." Chance said his mouth a gap... while they were talking Philip chucked his swimsuit off before jumping into the shower. Chance only got a few glimpses at his cock but the image burned into his mind.
"Damn... the water is cold!" Philip shouted. "Well, at least he is cute."
"Uhm sorry..." Chance blushed. Still facing the mirror knowing his cock would give him away."
"Well I guess I will have to warm you up!" Darren yelled at Philip before returning to Chance. "Well it was good to meet you," Darren said as he stretched out his hand to Chance's back.
Knowing that he either had to shake his hand or refuse, Chance slowly turned to face Darren, his hard on sticking out like a gun.
"Don't worry we usually don't run around naked here," Darren said... blushing himself.
"Thanks," Chance said but as he shook Darren's hand the towel fell off his waist. It only remained covering his cock as the towel hung off it.
Embarrassed, Chance ran from the scene ignoring Darren's pleas. But when he made his way back to his room, Chance was not able to stop himself from fantasizing about the couple. As he jacked off he knew that living here was going to be torture but a very sweet torture indeed.