The usual stuff applies, if you are not legally old enough to read this then don't. This story is true to some extent. The name, places, and ages have been changed to give it a better flow. This is my first story so please be gently.
My name is Eric and I just turned 18 at the beginning of the year. I have brown eyes and dark brown hair which makes me in my opinion pretty average. I wish I was bigger like all my brothers but I turned out to be the smallest at 5'7" and only 130 lbs. I wear glasses and I guess I would describe myself as a dork or nerd and the fact that I'm smart and get straight A's helps reinforce that image.
I pretty much figured out I was gay since I was 13. I really wasn't out of the closet with my family, with the exception of my parents, or my friends from school. If anyone ever saw me they wouldn't be able to tell I was gay unless I actually told them and no one ever questioned the fact that I didn't date girls or for that matter had any interest in them at all. The only thing that was obvious about me is that I always seemed weird to everyone or different.
As weird as I was I was easy going and well liked. I wasn't into sports and even though I was a nerd I was never bullied or picked on. I was kind of popular even though I really didn't realize it. It seemed like everyone knew who I was but I had no clue who they were. I had a small group of friends in school but I really didn't hang out with them after school. I was a loner most of the time and I did my best to distance myself from people including my family because I just wanted to hide my feelings and all the other shit I carry around.
I knew my parents really didn't like me much on account for so many things. I guess I just never lived up to their expectations. Parents are supposed to love their children but I knew my parents just tolerated me especially my mother. She would say things like, "If I had known you were going to turn out this way I would never have given birth to you," and something like, "Out of all my sons you turned out the worst." That's a pretty shitty thing to say to your own son I thought. My younger brother and sister practically had it made while I on the other hand didn't. I really don't care though, let them play favorites and just leave me alone. My parents really didn't care what I did as long as I didn't get into any trouble like getting beaten up, arrested, or killed.
It was Friday, March 21, 2008. Finally the weekend had arrived and I can party. I always went out on the weekends to escape my family and pretty much all my worries and problems. I figured this Friday would turn out pretty uneventful since nothing ever interesting happens to me.
When I got home from school that day I was getting ready for the rest of the day. I picked out some clothes to wear and took a quick shower. I got my backpack and stuffed all the things I would need like some DVDs and extra clothes because you never know what might happen. I looked at my clock and it was getting close to that time my best friend John would be picking me up.
I've already told you about the friends I have in school but my friends outside of school were something else. The first thing about them is that they're all older than me. My best friend John was in his twenties I think and I don't exactly remember how we met or how we even became friends but I know I can always count on him. He keeps an eye out for me and always makes sure no one messes with me. It also helps that he thinks I'm hot. Now don't get any ideas I wouldn't date him or anything because I'm really not into older men.
Being the youngest in the group wasn't a problem. Everyone treated me like I was an equal and we would always have fun. Sometimes I they would tease me for being younger but it was all in good fun. I learned a lot by hanging out with them and there was no way I would learn that in school or from anyone my age.
John picked me up at the usual time and I quietly left the house. Usually on Friday and Saturday afternoons John and I just drink beer and get high while we watch a movie or something. Sometimes our other friend Steve drops by for a while and we play flash games on the internet before he goes to work. Most of the time its just John and I.
Now the afternoons are just the warm up for the big party at night. John and I cut our drinking and smoking at 6 p.m. so we can sober up before we get really wasted. He takes a nap while I just use his computer to watch videos on the internet or another movie. When 9 p.m. rolls around we're ready and we leave for the party.
The parties are cool and lots of people usual come. I hung out with John and some of his gay friends while we all get drunk. That's when I noticed a new guy at the party. He looked to be about my age and I shit you not he was one of the hottest guys I have ever seen. You know those statues of Greek or Roman gods, well this guy looked like that. He had dark hair and brown eyes and was probably a few inches taller than me and he obviously worked out a lot. After the moment of watching him passed I just dismissed him. I mean he probably hangs out with a different crowd and he's got to be straight.
John has a way of being friends with almost everyone so I shouldn't have been surprised when the hot guy joined our group. I found out his name was Jesse and he'd just come to town. I asked where he lived but was disappointed to find out he lived on the other side of the city. He seemed really friendly and to my amazement he was being friendlier with me than anyone else. But I really didn't think anything of it because he must be doing it since we're the same age and everyone else in the group is older. Even though he's straight I still enjoyed the attention.
John and I were going to leave the party to go back to his place and drink and smoke some weed and Jesse asked, "Hey John can I come and join you guys?"
"Of course I don't see why not. The more the merrier. We just gotta wait for Dave and his girlfriend Angela to pick us up since they're barely getting out of work right now," John said.
"Well I have my car and I can take one of you with me and then we'll all meet up at the apartment," Jesse said.
"So who wants to ride with me?" Jesse asks. Looking back on it now I seemed a bit too eager and I yelled, "I'll go!"
"Alright Eric let's go."
As we were leaving Dave and Angela showed up so I knew they wouldn't be too far behind us. I was pretty drunk by the time we left and Jesse hadn't had a drop it seemed so I didn't have to worry about us being pulled over. In between giving him directions we talked.
"I really didn't like hanging out with anyone at the party. I did enjoy hanging out with you and John, you guys seem real cool."
"Thanks I liked hanging out with you too." I looked at him and he smiled at me and I blushed but in the dark I'm sure he didn't notice.
We got to John's apartment first and then John showed up with Dave and Angela. John let us in and we all took a seat. Dave and Angela sat on the sofa and John sat at his desk and put some music on. I'm not in the music thing but John put on some Paolo Nutini and I didn't mind since I thought the guy was hot. I put my jacket and backpack on the chair I usually sat in and quickly used the bathroom because I was drinking a lot of beer.
I got a beer from John's refrigerator and came back into the room and Jesse was sitting in my chair. He didn't know it was my chair so I didn't mind and took the chair next to him.
"Remember guys to keep it down because my roommate is asleep," John said.
John got his pipe out and filled it with some weed and took a toke off of it then passed it to Jesse. Jesses passed it to me and I couldn't help but laugh a little at him coughing. After awhile I was pretty high and drunk. I would occasionally glance at Jesse and he kept giving me a strange look. Even though I thought he was straight I never did ask him for confirmation and anyway I would have been too embarrassed to ask. I thought about it and I never told him I was gay but I didn't think that mattered though. I just enjoyed his friendship and that was more than enough for me.
After thinking a few minutes to myself Jesse leans over and whispers in my ear but I was so drunk and high I forgot what it was the moment he said it but I did notice that it had a double meaning and I accidentally yelled, "What!?" No one seemed to notice my little outburst and Jesse pretended like he didn't say anything. By this point I was getting really confused.
When I calmed a bit down I just listened to Jesse talking how boring it was here in town and how he wanted to move to San Diego and then he whispered to me again.
"If I moved to San Diego would you come visit me Eric?"
I was kind of shocked that he only asked me and I was at a loss for words. I'm sure my face looked all red but then the subject quickly changed and I was saved from being even more embarrassed. I was pissed with myself that I couldn't talk. If I wasn't such a dork I would have said, "Hell Yea!"
I was really getting nervous and confused and he just kept up at it for a while longer. Every time I would look at him he would just smile and I would crack a small smile back. Then a few times he even would wink at me and I was just trying my best to keep myself composed. It took every ounce of self control not to just kiss him.
It was getting late and Dave and Angela left. Jesse was getting ready to leave also but said he'd come by Saturday afternoon to hang out awhile. "Awesome," I thought to myself I get to spend more time with him. Jesse left and I got my cell phone out to call my dad and have him pick me up and take me home.
"Hi dad, can you come pick me up? I'm ready to go home."
"No sorry Eric, your mother and I are up here at the casino. Why don't you just call a cab and I'll pay you
back."
"Alright bye."
"Bye."
"Huh, figures that they'd be up there," I thought.
"Uh hey John can you call me a cab to come pick me up."
"Sure I can do that for you."
When I got home I was confused with the way Jesse was acting and I just couldn't stop thinking about him. I decided that sleeping will help clear my mind. I would have to get up early and get ready for John to come by and pick me up.
It was Saturday afternoon and I was already drunk and high. John and I were watching Dr. Strangelove on his computer because his roommate was watching his own movie on the T.V. in the living room. After we were 30 minutes into the movie John got a call on his cell phone. I listened to John give whoever it was on the phone some directions to the apartment.
"Hey John who was that on your cell phone?"
"It was Jesse he needed direction for getting over here."
I started to get real nervous when John mentioned it was Jesse. I forced myself to just stay calm and keep watching the movie. A few moments later Jesse got to the door and John let him in. I just about died when I saw Jesse because he was even hotter today than he was last night. He was wearing a tank top and jeans. I thought to myself, "If I just force myself not look at him everything would be fine."
"Hey lil Eric, how's it goin?"
"Um.hello I'm doing ok."
"No eye contact Eric?"
Shit he noticed. I had to think of something quick. So I forced myself to turn around in my seat and prove to him that I can look him in the eye. I tilted my head up then raised my eyes and looked into his. When I saw his face he gave me his sexy smile and I immediately turned around and watched the movie. I felt my face on fire.
"He just has to know what he's doing. I can tell he's doing this on purpose. He must know I'm gay and he's just teasing me. What kind of game is he playing," I thought.
Jesse stuck around for about 40 minutes getting high with us and then bought some weed off of John and said he'd see us later tonight at the party. If I thought I was confused last night I was more confused today. I knew I just had to keep this to myself for the time being. I couldn't let John know what's going on because I know how he would react. He'll get really protective since he doesn't want me getting my feelings hurt.
In the living room I could hear John's roommate Randy talking with him. So I just listened to them talk.
"So who was that?"
"That's just a new friend of ours. His name is Jesse and he was over here last night."
"Well how come you didn't wake me up?"
John and I just busted up laughing. The one time Randy wants to be awake in the middle of the night is only because we have a hot guy in the apartment. After John and I quit laughing Randy asked, "Do you think he's gay?" I immediately focused my attention on what John was going to say.
"Maybe, I think he's one of those guys on the down low."
"Oh my God, John thinks Jesse might be gay," I thought. "Get a hold of yourself Eric, John only thinks Jesse is gay and that's totally different from knowing for sure. Besides why would Jesse be attracted to me, the dork, when he's so hot he could have anyone he wants."
We met up with Jesse at the party and he seemed in a real good mood. In fact he was friendlier with me than the night before. I didn't mind though I liked the attention. I was drinking a lot of beer and Jesse suggested that I do some shots with him.
"So you wanna get Eric real drunk?" John said.
Jesse and I ignored the comment and I said, "Sure let's go for it." I knew if I drank the way I did I would probably blackout and that was the one thing I didn't want. If I blackout with Jesse around I would do or say something that would fuck everything up and I didn't want to lose him as a friend. So I did my best to pace myself and I did a pretty good job at it. At the end of the night I didn't feel all that fucked up.
When it came time for us to leave and party more at John's, I decided to ride again with Jesse. Jesse seemed a little nervous though.
"Man I drank a bit I hope I don't get pulled over."
"Don't worry I'm here with you and I had a lot more to drink and I'm fine."
Twenty minutes after we were at John's apartment we were already high. Dave came over and John put some music on. We decided to play some poker dice and we taught Jesse to play. While we played I just talked to Jesse.
"Hey Eric do you dance?"
I laughed, "The only way I dance is if I'm really drunk and the person I'm dancing with is really hot." I purposely said person instead of saying guy or girl just to see where he was going with this.
"Really? Me too. We're a lot alike."
"I wonder how much you are like me," I thought.
Jesse kept giving me little smiles here and there and being so drunk and high I got a little brave. I would
occasionally smile at and him touch his left knee with my
hand or I would get real close so that our legs were
touching while we sat. He didn't seem bothered at all but
I didn't want to push my luck so I backed off a bit. The
whole time I was with him I felt my face was on fire and the
room was really hot and I just hoped that no one would
notice.
"Hey you know what I'm hungry for Eric?"
"What?"
"Sushi."
"Cool. You know I'm half Japanese and my mom knows how to make sushi. Maybe you can come over to my house and my mom will show you."
"Really? That would be great."
"Wow," I thought. "Just thinking of him being inside my house is exciting."
It was getting late and Dave left. I was getting tired too and Jesse got up to leave. We said our goodbyes and he was gone. I just sat there thinking how good he made me feel, not in a sexual way although I would like to see him naked. He actually did make me feel special in a way. Most of my friends were John's friends but Jesse was different. Sure he met John before me but I felt like he was the first friend I made on my own.
I told John to call me a cab and this time my parents weren't going to be paying for the late night ride at 4 a.m. I didn't mind though the $17 cost on the cab was money well worth spent if I could just be around Jesse for a few hours longer. I got home and I guess I just passed out since it was late and I was exhausted.
When I woke up on Sunday it was 6:45 p.m. "Shit," I said, "I slept though the whole day." I decided to get online and see if there was anyone I could talk to on instant messenger. I saw my friend Anthony online and decided to ask him for some advice on the situation since I couldn't tell John. I won't go in depth on everything he told me but he put some doubt in my mind and I started going into denial.
"Maybe Jesse isn't gay," I thought, "Anthony said I'm not looking at it objectively and he's right. I'm attracted to Jesse and that's making it hard for me to really think. I'm not thinking clearly because I was drunk, high, lonely and depressed. The things Jesse said and did were just in my imagination and I just looked too deep into it. He just wants to be my friend and that's all it is. He can't be even remotely attracted to a loser like me anyway. I'll wait for next week and if I see him again I'm going to pay closer attention and be focused and try to figure him out."
Please send questions or comments to gensui_yamamoto@yahoo.com. In the subject line please put the name of the story because I do get a lot of spam.