Westlife Romance - Part 41
Bryan added another empty beer bottle to the table. It was the sixth bottle. "If getting drunk is supposed to make you forget your troubles," Bryan thought, "why am I still feeling so miserable?"
Gazing out the window, Bryan thought back to earlier in the night...
Bryan remembered pleading with Nicky. He couldn't stand seeing Nicky tormenting himself any longer. He had to break through the wall that Nicky had built around him.
"That's just too bad, Bryan. Things don't always go your way. One of these days you have to grow up and quit being the spoiled brat that you've been all your life!!" Nicky had said. He remembered how Nicky's face was so cold when he said that.
"Spoiled brat?" Bryan asked himself. "Is that all I am to him? Have I hurt him more by being around him? Should I have just left him alone?" Bryan was so confused. He should have been angry at Nicky. He didn't need to take this verbal abuse. He was only trying to help...and where did it get him? Nicky obviously didn't want him around, so why did he even bother? But there was no anger, no bitterness...only hurt and sadness.
Bryan remembered how Shane and Nicky stared each other down, all on his account. He remembered how Shane stood up for him and yelled at Nicky. How ironic. It had always been Nicky who stood up for Bryan against Shane's sometimes over-protective behaviour. How things have changed...that someone else had to protect him from Nicky.
Then he remembered Nicky's cruel taunting and Shane's outburst. He remembered it so vividly. "Well, maybe you can go fuck him then, since he's so desperate for a fuck buddy."
"SAY IT AGAIN AND I'LL KILL YOU, BYRNE!!" Shane had threatened. He had never seen Shane so menacing and angry. Then again, he had never seen Nicky so cruel either. "Why did everything have to be so different?" Bryan asked himself.
Bryan remembered the amusement that Nicky got from Shane's angry reaction; it was like he was enjoying it. Then, the most painful words of all. This was the part he remembered most clearly. Too clearly. "Know when to give up. I'll never love you. I'm way out of your league." There. Nicky had finally said it. He had finally said what was on his mind.
"Why did you have to be so honest, Nicky?" Bryan thought. "And why do you still wait for him?" an inner voice asked Bryan. "He's made it pretty clear that he doesn't want you, Bryan. Why stoop so low and beg him to take you?"
Then came the fight. Another first. He had never seen Nicky and Shane fight before. Again, it was because of him. Because of him, his two best friends were acting totally out of character. "Was I worth it?" he thought.
That annoying voice came again. "You don't need him, Bryan. You're a good person. All sorts of men would fall heads over heels for you, Bryan. Why cry over someone who can treat you like you were dirt?"
"I don't need him," Bryan said softly. "I don't need Nicky...I don't need Nicky..." Tears fell as he said these words. "Who am I trying to fool?" he finally confessed to himself. "I need you so much, Nicky. Why won't you let me in??"
Nicky took a deep breath as he walked down the corridor. Kian had finally fallen asleep. Nicky was exhausted, more emotionally than physically. Kian finally told him all about Derek. Nicky still found it hard to believe that Derek could physically abuse Kian. "How could anyone do such a thing?" he thought.
As he continued walking, he thought about Kian's revelation that he had been unfaithful even before Derek. Nicky remembered how he sat in the chair, listening to Kian, his hands grasping the chair tightly as he was given the truth. Kian's revelations opened up old wounds...and threatened to take Nicky back into the realms of coldness and hatred. He fought his hardest to prevent it from happening. "It's all in the past," he kept telling himself.
Eventually, he managed to suppress his feelings of anger, yet he could still feel it lurking somewhere inside of him. "No time for that now," he muttered.
He remembered Kian's look of vulnerability when Nicky promised him that everything would be alright. He remembered how Kian held onto his hand, not wanting to let him go for fear that something bad might happen.
A few more steps and Nicky was there. Derek's room. "Do I really want to do this?" Nicky asked himself. The truth was, he didn't want to do this, but somehow, some inner force was pushing him to follow through. He turned around and walked back in the direction where he came, only to change his mind again after a few steps. Taking another deep breath, Nicky gently knocked on the door.
"Nicky?" Derek said with surprise when he came to the door.
"Can I speak with you for a bit, Derek?" Nicky asked.
"Uh...sure, I suppose," Derek answered hesitantly, still not sure why Nicky was here.
Walking into the room, Nicky's mind began to run through his script quickly.
"How can I help you, Nicky?" Derek asked politely.
"I need to talk to you about Kian, Derek," Nicky answered.
Nicky saw Derek react strangely, and even though Derek covered quickly, the reaction did not escape Nicky's observations.
"What's to talk about, Nicky?"
Tears began to stream down Nicky's face. "Derek...I..." Nicky hesitated. "Derek...please give Kian back to me..." he sobbed. "I need him...I...I don't think I can live without him..."
Derek stood there in silence. "You need to get over it, Nicky. I know it's hurting you...but you can't force him to love you..."
Nicky continued to sob. "I've tried, Derek. I can't forget him. He's on my mind all the time. I need him, Derek. I need Kian!!!"
"But what am I supposed to do?" Derek asked as his voice trembled. "I...I love Kian, Nicky. And he loves me!!"
"Fucking liar," Nicky said to himself. "Fine, Derek, if you want to play it that way...two can play this game..." Nicky fell on his knees and held onto Derek. "I'm begging you, Derek...give Kian back to me...please!!! Just leave him...if you leave him, he'll come back to me...PLEASE!!!" Nicky's agonized sobs left Derek feeling very uneasy.
Derek did not answer for a while. "You know how hard this is going to be for me, Nicky..."
"Gotcha, you bastard," Nicky thought. "I know, Derek...and...and I'll be forever grateful to you...just leave him and he'll come back to me...I know it!!"
"What a pathetic loser you are, Nicky," Derek thought as he tried to hide a smile. "How could anyone stoop so low..." Pretending to struggle with his emotions, Derek finally relented. "Well...I suppose I can consider your request...but..."
"How much do you want?" Nicky asked. "I'll give you anything..."
"I don't want you to get the wrong idea, Nicky...but like I said, leaving Kian is the hardest thing in my life..."
This act went on for another ten minutes. Finally, Nicky handed over a cheque for $100,000. "Hmm...wasn't quite my plan...but $100,000 is quite tempting..." Derek thought. He took the cheque and placed it in his pockets. "If you don't mind me asking, Nicky. Why do you want him back after what he did to you? He raped you, Nicky. How can you take him back?"
"You know?" Nicky asked, pretending to look shocked.
Derek nodded. "I was walking past that night, on my way to Kian's room. Your door wasn't closed. I heard you struggling. I was about to call for help, but then Shane and the lads showed up. I didn't know what to do so I took the stairs back to my room."
"I know I shouldn't," Nicky explained. "But I just can't live my life without Kian...I need him...even if he's done me wrong...I love him..."
"Well, I hope you will not regret this decision, Nicky. I do wish you nothing but the best..." Derek put on the most sincere face that he could muster. "Well, I lose a sex toy but gain $100,000...I think it's a fair deal. What a fucking loser..." he said to himself.
Another empty beer bottle. "I still feel lousy," he whispered. But Bryan didn't want to drink anymore. It wasn't doing him any good anyways. He paid his bill and staggered out of the bar. As he struggled down the deserted street, he thought of where he stood with Nicky. He was thinking so much his head hurt.
"Hey, would you fucking watch where you're going???" a man shouted angrily.
"Sorry...you don't have to yell you know," Bryan anwered back.
"Fuck you, bastard..."
Bryan shoved the man against the wall. "What did you say??" he hollered.
"What are you trying to pull here, boy?" the man yelled back, shoving Bryan to the floor.
"What's going on, Ted?" another man asked as he emerged from the alley.
"Looks like we've got a trouble maker on our hands, Rick," Ted answered as he kicked Bryan hard in the ribs.
Bryan groaned in pain, clutching his side.
"Well, Ted, we better teach this punk a lesson,"
...to be continued....