Westlife Romance - Part 48
"This is all your fault!!" Shane scolded himself as he sat alone in his room. "If it wasn't for you, none of this would have happened." He sighed and stared out the window blankly.
Since coming back from dinner with the rest of the lads, Shane had shut himself in his room. Though he tried to hide it on the surface, he was taking the recent events involving his band mates quite personally. "So much for being there for your friend," he continued to berate himself. "You drove Nicky away..."
He wondered if things would have been different had he told Nicky about Kian's unfaithfulness right from the beginning, instead of trying to hide everything. In hindsight, it seemed that his "lie" gave life to all the events that came afterwards. He felt as guilty as ever, and his cold attitude towards Nicky the last few days made him feel even worse.
"It wasn't even his fault," Shane muttered. "Why did I take everything out on him?" Deep down, Shane knew why. He wanted to hide from his guilt, by turning it into anger. He wanted to portray Nicky as the guilty party, thereby alleviating his own guilty conscience. But everything didn't work out the way he intended. And now, he was left with more loneliness and guilt than ever before.
Shane walked out to the balcony to take in the cool night breeze. His thoughts turned to Kian. Over the last few days, he had felt an undeniably strong attraction to his band mate. Though he wasn't sure before, Shane was certain now that he was gay, and that his feelings towards Kian were more than those experienced by simple friends.
But each time he thought about Kian and how he might develop a relationship with his band mate, doubts entered his mind. "Has Kian really changed? Or was this just a temporary lapse? Would he end up being another Nicky?" Shane knew he should not have these thoughts about his best friend, but recent events had greatly weakened his confidence in Kian.
"Even if Kian has changed, he's still Nicky's ex," he reasoned. "You just can't date him." The mere thought of dating Kian brought another onslaught of guilt to overwhelm Shane. He convinced himself that he had to tell the truth to someone, and not keep it to himself. He could no longer hide from the past. How he wanted to admit everything to Nicky and ask for his forgiveness, but it was all too late.
Kian slowly put some fresh clothes on and looked in the mirror. There was no joy in his face, no sign of happiness at all. The only "good" thing that has happened in the last while was Nicky's forgiveness for his past wrongs. "But Nicky was no longer here," Kian thought as he saw another tear roll down his face. Wiping the tear away, Kian slowly walked down the quiet hotel corridor.
He was somewhat surprised when there was no answer at Derek's door. By now, it had become a nightly routine, when Derek would use Kian for his own sexual pleasure. Kian hated it, but had slowly grown to accept it. But tonight, there was no one to answer the door, and Kian was puzzled as to where Derek could have gone. Relieved that he could be freed from Derek's sexual desires for just one night, Kian went back to his room to get some rest and to do some more thinking. Despite this temporary relief from Derek, Kian knew that there was no way he could escape.
Morning finally came, though none of the lads had much sleep, except for Bryan, who slept peacefully through the night, wrapped in Nicky's protective embrace. He awoke to find Nicky's blue eyes staring at him, and a smile that made his heart melt.
"Morning, Bryan," Nicky said softly as he kissed the younger boy on the forehead.
"Morning, Nix. Have you been up long?" Bryan replied.
"Just a little while."
"Why didn't you wake me?" Bryan asked.
"You looked so angelic when you were sleeping I didn't have the heart to wake you," Nicky answered as he smiled at Bryan once again. "You're so beautiful, you know that?"
Bryan blushed at Nicky's comments, and returned the compliment by kissing Nicky full on the lips.
Despite their reluctance to get out of bed, the two lads showered (separately) and got ready for the day. Nicky was a nervous as to how the other lads would react when they saw him, though Bryan reassured him that everything will be fine. Finally, it was time for breakfast.
The two lads walked down the hall in silence. Bryan knew Nicky was so nervous, and he wished there was something he could do to calm his nerves.
"What if they don't want me back after everything I've done?" Nicky asked softly.
"They will want you back, Nicky. Trust me," Bryan answered as he squeezed Nicky's hands reassuringly.
The two lads walked into a glum lounge to see the other three lads sitting in silence.
"Morning, lads," Bryan said cheerfully. The other three lads looked up and stared in shock when they saw Nicky...
...to be continued....