On the ten year anniversary of the beginning of my gay life I have decided to write about the past as it was, and why it may have been different. This is a letter which was written to start things off. Before the letter Todd and I would wrestle and each time we wrestled there was an intense electricity between us. This story takes place in 1994 while I was a Junior in College and Todd was a Sophmore.
Copyright 2004 MajickPaganBoy. All Rights Reserved.
Exactly 10 years later to the date...
Disclaimer: Please don't read if you are under 18 or offended by man-man sex.
Todd,
I know that we have gone over this and I know that you are not happy with my questions and my feelings for you but I have to talk to you about them. Todd I have had no other sexual feelings for other people accept for you. From the moment that I laid my eyes on you I feel in love. You have done some of the greatest things for me. It meant the most to me to be able to wrestle with you. Todd I have done somethings to harm you but it was only out of love and trying to get you to reason with yourself and find a place in your heart for me.
Todd when I went to see Meredith after my car accident and was in bed ready to fuck that pig; she told me something. Something which made me jump out of bed and I was unable to sleep with her at that point. Todd Meredith told me that when you were on MT. Ida's campus she saw you checking out some guy and although she does not know what happened she does know that you were looking him over. Did you ever have sex with a male on that campus?
Todd Meredith also told me that it seemed as if you had feelings for me. She told me that you once told her that if she ever hurts me that she would be sorry. You protected me out of love on so many occassions. Then I decided to come clean to you about my feelings for you and you decided to jet. If I never came clean to you would our friendship have survived.
Did you once have feelings for me? Do you still today? You told me once that you have had (same sex) sexual experiences with whom and was it when you were a child? Was it of your own doing? Was it rough and did you feel violated? Where is this person today? Is he still in your life? Do you consider yourself bi-curious, bi-sexual or gay? Did you ever have sex with a male at Curry? When we wrestled did you wrestle for sport or to be close to me and feel sexually excited? Do you like when I send you sexually explicit material either by mail or e-mail or does it effect your negative feelings towards me? Is there still a chance for me to be part of your life? If so what measures or steps do I need to take to have this happen? Todd I look at my life and the things that I have given up for you. I realize now that life is all about choices that we have to make. I look at when George Ruddy told me that I had to choose between him and you. I made a choice to choose you and this destroyed my friendship with him.. George shunned me and threw me to the sharks. Then I look at some of the things that I have done for you out of both friendship and love. I feel that I made many choices in your favor to help you and out of both friendship and love for you. My last choice which put me in a terrible state was the ride to VA. Todd I thought that you would pay me no mind over the phone, so I got in my car and told everyone that I was spending time with Meredith. That was a lie I was going to find you and talk to you in person. I wanted to seek your forgiveness and assumed that if I made the trip than I would at least have your respect. But I had to have an accident and I still today am in a terrible state. Now I wonder how you would have treated me had I made it to your door. In closing I need to know how you feel towards me. I want every question answered truthfully and to the best of your ability. I also want to know if we can make things better between us and stronger. Please answer me as soon as you can. This was a very difficult letter for me to write. So please send a very difficult reply to me.
I will always love you
Tom