This story is not intended for anyone under 18.
If this is prohibited in your state, do not read it. This is my first time writing a story of this subject, so please be gentle. I would love feedback! This story does not mean to imply anything about the sexuality of the Backstreet boys or anyone else in the story! This is purely fictional.
I am female, so the I don't have first-hand experience of male-to-male sex. I hope it turns out O.K. So, without further Ado.
One last thing, I want to thank the author of Magic can be real'. He has helped me out a lot. Check out his story, it's one of my favorite. Also, the authors of Changes' and `My night with Howie D'. I really appreciate it. I consider these, some of the best authors on Nifty,so it means a lot. Now, without further Ado.
Last time on What Happened:
Just when as he took the phone from his ear, the other line picked up.
"Hello." Came the tired voice on the other line.
AJ stopped and thought about what he was doing. `I can't go back........but I need this."
"Hello, is some one there."
AJ held his breath, "I'm going to hang-up if........"
"Brian, it's me."
Now on with the story!
What Happened
Chapter-7
Brian shot up in his bed at the sound of the voice. The blankets flew off his body and onto the floor.
"AJ, is that you."
"Yes", AJ heard Brian let out the breath he was holding.
"How are you, are you O.K., where are you, do you need anything......" Brian's voice sped up with every question.
AJ laughed slightly, "slow down Bri."
Brian laid back down on the bed and closed his eyes. "I miss you." He whispered into the phone.
AJ's heart swelled, he almost expected Brian to hate him for the way he has treated him. "I miss you too Rok."
They were silent for a moment, unsure of what to say to one another. "Are you O.K.?" Brian tentatively asked.
AJ sighed, he didn't want to worry Brian, but he could really use someone right now.
"I had a small one a couple of minutes ago. It came on after I watched the news brief on what I did." He ran his hand threw his bright red hair.
"It was like I was right there again. The way I was feeling when I was about to hurt Aaron."
"Did you follow the instruction for your medication?" Brian asked with fear in his voice. He knew that AJ had purposely took too many pills during the last episode.
"Yeah, I didn't try it this time Brian....." His voice trembled at the memory of the day he overdosed. Brian had to take him to get his stomach pumped. They spent the night crying and talking about what happened.
Brian pulled the blankets back onto the bed and drew them up to his neck. "How do you feel now?"
AJ closed his eyes and pulled his knees to his chest. "I feel better...a lot better....since I got to talk to you!"
Brian's face light-up with a soft smile. "Did you really mean what you said.....on my machine?" He could feel his heart speed up, awaiting AJ's answer.
"Yeah....I did, I love you Bri. It took me a while to admit it, but I do."
They were silent again, absorbing the effects of his words. "Do you still love me?" AJ asked with hesitation.
"God AJ, of course. You mean more to me than you will ever know. Words can't express. You complete me, whatever other cheesy phrase it takes for you to understand that I love you, you jerk."
AJ smiled, Brian always knew how to make him feel better. "I like the jerk part best. I know I haven't handled, whatever's going on between us, in the best way. I'm sorry Bri, I hope you can forgive me for the way I just left like that." He began to rub the sleeve of his shirt, an old habit of his for when he was nervous.
Brian let out a slow sigh, "I understand.........where are you J?"
"I really don't want to tell anyone."
"AJ, please."
"Brian.....I can't."
"I really want to see you, make sure your fine. I promise I won't push." Brian was grasping at straws. He didn't care how desperate he sounded.
AJ sighed, "I would love nothing more than to have you here right now, but you know and I know, that's not possible."
"I won't tell anyone else where you are, I just want to see you.......please." Brian's voice quivered with longing.
AJ felt a single tear trail down his face. "I can't Brian, I just can't do that to you. I'm not stable and I fear for myself right now, let alone you."
Brian's vision blurred slightly, he turned his head and ran his hand over the empty spot next to him.
"I understand, but will you at least promise me you'll keep in touch."
"I promise, but you have to promise me something too."
Brian closed his eyes as he tried to etch AJ's voice to memory. "Anything."
"Brian, please don't try to find me."
Brian opened his eyes and sighed. `Well scratch that plan'.
"Brian, promise me."
Brian ran his hand through his hair, "I promise. Will you at least see a doctor wherever you are?"
"I started looking in the book today. I will try and get someone by the end of the week." He laid down further on the couch and let out a small yawn.
"I guess I better let you go, sounds like the pills just kicked in." Brian said with a yawn of his own.
"Yeah, I haven't slept much in the last couple of days. Tell the guys I said hi and I'm O.K."
He turned the lamp off and threw his shoes on the floor. "Brian?"
"Yeah."
"Thanks."
"Anytime." Brian turned his lamp off.
"I love you B."
I love you too J."
"Goodnight."
"Goodnight."
AJ hung up the phone and snuggled onto the couch, he had a lot of work ahead of him. At least, now, he had something to look forward too.
Kevin yawned and stretched his arms toward the ceiling. He ran his hand over the other side of his bed, only to find it empty. His eyes shot open at the discovery.
The room was quiet and somber, he scanned it for any movement.
"Nick...", his soft voice called out. There was no reply, his slow breathing the only sound in the room.
He threw the covers back and slid out of the snug bed. He grabbed his robe and headed towards the door. A slight breeze hit his legs as he reached for the knob. He just felt how cold the room was. His body turned facing the unwanted intruder as the curtains fluttered slowly against the open window. He could just make out the solid form of his lover behind the sheer drapes.
He stood watching the definite strokes against the pad. The various lines taking shape. He stared at the brilliant motivation. The perfect contrast of night and light.
Kevin pulled his body onto the small balcony and took a seat next to his entranced man.
His hand rubbed across Nick's back and latched onto his waist. Nick jumped slightly at the sudden caress. His mind was locked on the object of his imitation.
He turned the drawing over and placed it on the table next to him. He was very sensitive about his work and kept it well hidden from critical eyes.
He looked up at Kevin with solemn eyes.
"Your drawing, so what's up." Kevin asked . He knew that was Nick's escape when something was bothering him.
Nick sighed and stared out at the drafty night. "I was just thinking about the other night and what it meant." He continued with the confession.
"I have loved doing this. The traveling, the singing, the money, the fans. Everything that's goes along with this. I can't imagine what life without this will be like, but a big part of me is glad it's over."
Kevin's eyes registered the shock he felt. Nick had never talked about wanting out of the group. He was always so happy with things.
"I've been thinking about this for years now, even before Aaron joined. I only stayed cause of you guys. As Hollywood as this sounds, I gave up my childhood for this and I wasn't ready for it."
His eyes stared at his hands, "Deep down I kinda feel like it's my fault my family turned out this way. I know they weren't there for me, but I wasn't exactly a saint either. I was so excited with everything going on, I gave up time with them to be with the band."
Kevin tried to pull him into a hug, but he resisted. "No, I'm tired of always leaning on you. I know you get fed up with it. I may not be as strong as you, but I got to do this on my own Kevin. I can't keep living my life for everyone else. The fans, my family, the band. I'm 25 years old and I have no clue who I am. All I know is this and what I'm supposed to be like. I'm sad to say, but I'm glad the band is over."
Kevin could hear the conviction in his voice. He knew he was serious. He had never seen this side of Nick before. He was always the eternal kid, with the goofy grin and playful demeanor. He wasn't sure he liked this side, this side could mean the end of them. Again.
Kevin stood up from the warm seat and swung his leg across the back of Nick's chair. He pulled Nick's body against his chest and wrapped his arms around him. "You don't want to perform anymore?"
Nick leaned back and closed his eyes. "I don't know......I just don't want to be a Backstreet boy anymore. Not if it means continuing like we have been. I'm tired of everyone, but me, having a say so in my life.
Kevin laid his head on Nick's shoulder. "Do you want this Nick.......us?"
Nick opened his eyes and turned toward Kevin. He lifted Kevin's chin and gave him a soft kiss. Kevin returned the kiss as they were silent for a moment. Nick pulled away and stared into Kevin's eyes.
"No."
Kevin gasped, he really wasn't prepared for that answer. He lowered his eyes back to Nick's shoulder.
"Not if it's going to be the same as before. I don't want to fear someone finding out. I will never be comfortable with myself, if I'm always worried someone's going to find out I'm gay and disappoint the fans."
"I've had more experiences than most people my age, but there is no freedom in it. We always have to lie and watch what we say and do. Try to keep this image of the perfect guy. I know I'm not the perfect anything." His voice dropped to a whisper, "I can't do it anymore Kev."
He pulled Kevin's arms tighter around him. "This is the best opportunity, but I've lost more than I gained. It's not worth it anymore to me."
Kevin gave him a firm squeeze. "What do you want to do?"
"I want to find a house somewhere with a big yard and lots of space. I've been all over the world, but I don't have any place to call mine. Maybe go to school and get a degree in Marine Biology. I've always wanted to do that. I would love to play ball for some school. Maybe even start a family. I don't know, I just want out of this. The magic of it all has disappeared."
Kevin turned Nick's head as their eyes met. "As long as we went out last time, you were never this open with me." His mouth found Nicks in a passionate kiss. He ran his tongue along the contours of Nicks.
"I don't care what you say, I'm not going anywhere. If you want to do something else, you have my support. You can lean on me whenever you need me, that's my job." He smiled down into the blondes face.
Nick smiled back at him and turned his body into the embrace. "Let's go to bed baby." He whispered into Kevin's neck.
Kevin kept the smile upon his face, although inside he was very worried about things. He didn't want to stay at the level they were at, but he didn't want to lose the fame either. This is what he has wanted as long as he coud remember, but was it worth losing Nick to life.
The noise level rose as the two raven-haired beauties strode through the mass of people. They found the room they were looking for and knocked lightly. The door swung open to reveal the heads of jive records. They walked in and took a seat at the front of the room. All eye turned to them as The Executive producer addressed them.
"Now Mr. and Mrs. Dorough, what can I do for you........"
Well his the next Chapter. I know things are kinda off with Nick and Kevin, but I'm working on it! I want to thank everyone one who wrote to me, I appreciate it. I'm the only one who thinks my writing sucks, LOL.
Send any comments, good or bad, to-BARBARABBCONTEMP@aol.com. Thanks for reading!