What I See

Disclaimer

If you are under 18 or not of legal age in your country, please do not read on. If you couldn't accept themes of homosexuality and the like, please don't read on. This is a story concerning gay males having intimate relationships and is considered FOR ADULTS ONLY due to its sexual theme and contents. BUT if you really like this stuff, please don't tell others.

Everything in this story is purely FICTIONAL. Or in simpler terms, it's not true!!! Even if this story involves NSYNC, a real, successful American singing group, and a fictitious character, all that happens in here is fictional... again, it's not true. If there are instances that it is similar to what happened in the real world, it doesn't mean that it's really true. I don't know anything about their sexuality, as far as the I and the world know, they're straight as an arrow so I dunno if they're gay (but I do have my speculations) or not but I wrote this out of freedom of speech and my love for these guys and slash fiction. I don't own or know NSYNC personally. AGAIN, it's NOT TRUE!!! but don't we all hope that it's true... hehehehe...

First Words

Hi guys. This is my 3rd work here in the boyband section of the Nifty Archives. I dunno why I called it "What I See" but I just ran out of ideas for a title and thought of something simple. So the title, What I See was born giggle. I dunno if I can manage my 3 stories at the same time but Crossed Paths is in its "season break" and Reformation is still there. But I'll really try my best to update all my stories. Remember, I love feedbacks.

Mail me at my NEW Addie at yr_ry_@hotmail.com

What I See Chapter 10

The next day, there were no guys. No one called. No one visited. It's just like they didn't care about us... and I'm not complaining. I am enjoying my time with JC. He and I just lounged at home either cuddling together or blowing each other. It was like we were trying to take everything that we can from each other before we part ways. If I was anxious yesterday, I was more anxious right now. Whatever JC says to me, I just can't help not to be scared about all of this. My insecurities are coming up and my mind is being clouded by very bad thoughts.

It's 8:00 pm already. One more day to go and then JC's gonna fly away to tour across the United States of America. He's sleeping soundly after I just sucked him. He has this very satisfied look in his face. It's like the 5th already for the day. Anyway, I was contemplating with our future. Was it really possible to have a JC-Kyle relationship that would last? I mean call me pessimistic but I'm just being realistic with what we have.

I am sure that I am definitely in love with Josh. No doubt about it. I think he's in love with me too. But like I said, is love enough to survive this relationship? What if his management discovered this and told him that we can't see each other? Or the worst-case scenario, what if he finds someone better? I'm sure that I'm not the best, far from it. And whatever JC says to me, I just have this feeling that I am not good enough.

I looked at him. He's still sleeping. He looks so peaceful like he has no problem in the world. I tried to lay his head on the pillow without waking him up and carefully pulled myself off the bed. I can't sleep. I need to talk. I walked out of the room and picked up Pookie who was following me. I took the wireless phone and dialed the family's house. She knows what to do.

"Hello?" I said when someone answered the phone.

"Hey mom! Can I speak with Dee?" I said to my mom.

"Kyle! You've been out of touch. You didn't even bother to call home. I know that I shouldn't let you move out." My mom scolded me. Well, I guess what she said was true. I was so strung up with my job and now JC that I totally shut off my family.

"Sorry mom! I'll visit you there on Sunday, okay?" I said to her.

"Okay. You can bring that Josh guy that Dee's been talking about." My mom said. My eyes bulged. I can't believe that she told my mom about that. "Don't pick on your sister Kyle. I just overheard her talking with you the other time." She told me.

"Me? Pick on lil Dee?" I said with a chuckle.

"I guess you're right there." She laughed. I guess she really knows her children. "Dee! Phone! It's Kyle!" She shouted. I heard a few shuffling and then someone answered the phone.

"Hey Kyle. What's up?" Dee said cheerfully, as usual.

"I can't believe mom knows." I groaned. She chuckled a little bit. "Don't laugh at me." I said to her in a mock scolding voice.

"Oh please! You know that she has this over-sensitive ears especially about her lil baby!" She laughed again. But she's right. My mom is always on my case like she's babying me or something like that. She just wants to protect me from the world. You should have seen her when I moved out of the house. I think she cried a bucketful of tears and she was always at my house everyday making sure that I'm okay. "So why did you call your beautiful sister?" She said. Conceited as usual.

"Just needed to talk with someone. I'm feeling the anxiety already with JC going away on Sunday." I said to my sister.

"Does he know that you feel this way?" She asked me. I could hear some shuffling from the other line.

"I told him already. He told me that we can work this out but I'm just having this feeling that it won't." I answered Dee.

"Pessimism." She stated. "Anyway, why don't you just sleep it off?" Dee said simply to me.

"I can't sleep." I said to her.

"Count sheep." She answered. "Kyle, I know you want me to give you the answers like always but this time, you're on your own. I can't help you with this as much as I want to. You're the one who can control your over-imaginative mind not me. Just sleep it off and make most out of the remaining time that you're together." She said. Well, it was more of an advice already.

"Thanks sis. Good night." I said to her and hung up the phone. I sighed knowing that she's right, as usual. All I can do is sleep this over. I was about to go upstairs when the phone rang. Should I answer it or not? It's not my house but what if it's important.

I didn't notice that the machine got it already. "JC??? Josh!!! You there?" I heard Justin's voice. "You must be either sleeping or playing with your boy toy but I guess that he's prolly there so you two are doing something." Boy toy??? The nerve of Justin. "Anyway, just wanna say hi coz you must be bored with that Kyle guy knowing he's just babbling as always. I mean our date was one of the worst in my life. Geesh!" Justin said with a chuckle. I was getting a little bit pissed off already with Justin. "I'm gonna --" I picked up the phone. "You finally picked up!" Justin exclaimed.

"Yeah I did." I said coldly. Justin remained silent for a while maybe a little surprised that I was the one who answered the phone.

"It's you." He said nonchalantly.

"Yeah, the boy toy." I said sarcastically. "You know what? I'm getting fed up with your shit! I didn't do anything with you except to be honest with you and you treat me like crap!" I finally exploded. I tried to not be loud coz JC was sleeping upstairs and I really don't wanna wake him up.

"I'm being honest too." Justin answered me that ticked me off.

"You want honest you egotistic son-of-a-bitch? You just can't take it that someone dumped you. Get real! The world doesn't revolve around you fucker!" I said and ended the call. I tried to calm down. Breath. I spun around and saw JC at the top of the stairs looking at me. Now, I don't know what to say. Should I explain myself with my lil outburst?

I climbed the flight of stairs and when we were side by side, I just looked at him trying to gauge what he's thinking. He looks so sad. "I'm sorry you heard that." I said to him as I passed him. I went to his room to finally rest. I thought that this day would be calm and peaceful but Justin just has to ruin everything. I was laid on the bed already staring at the ceiling. After awhile, JC entered the room and I can feel his eyes looking at me. I didn't avert my gaze.

I felt JC lay on the bed beside me. "You two really can't be civil" JC sighed.

I looked at him and he was staring at the ceiling. "Josh, you know that I'm pushing the limits to reach out to him but he doesn't want to because he can't take it that I like you over him. I know you're his friend but let's be honest, he's just a self-centered fool." I said all I was feeling.

"I know." JC sighed once more. "It's just that I want everyone to be happy and comfortable with each other. I know that you're getting along with the others except Justin. And he's my best friend and it really pains me seeing you two very, um, uncivil to each other." JC said.

"What do you want me to do?" I asked him. JC looked at me and have this very somber expression in his face.

"I know that you are trying your best." Josh kissed my nose and cuddled closer to me. "And I know that Justin really doesn't want to be friends with you. So it's his problem. I guess I'll just talk with him." Josh said as he laid his head on my chest. The next thing I know he was sleeping already. I just can't believe JC; he can sleep so quickly anytime and anywhere.

I smiled and kissed his head. "I love you Josh." I said and started to count sheep to finally sleep.

Saturday was busy. Josh was fixing what he should bring in tour and what he should leave here. I know that he wants to bring all of his clothes but with a closet that is the size of a bedroom is filled with clothes, how can someone bring them all? "Should I bring this or leave it?" He asked me as he showed me a long coat with feathers. Feathers???

"Leave it." I told him sternly. What on earth entered his mind to buy this? Who gave him this fashion sense? He's worse than Ken. The phone began to ring. "I'll answer it and you just fix everything up, okay?" I said to him and walked to the phone. "Don't bring that!" I shouted knowing that he would bring it eventually.

"Hello" I answered the phone.

"Oh hi Kyle!" I heard Lance's bass voice. Isn't his voice really sexy? It's just like pure man.

"Hey Lance. Wanna talk with JC? He's fixing his things for the tour." I said to him.

"You should guard him. God knows what he would bring again this tour." Lance chuckled. "Anyway, just tell him that we are gonna meet in the compound by 9am tomorrow. Our first venue would be Portland tomorrow as well." Lance told me.

"Okay Lance." I said to him and we said our goodbyes. I ended the call and walk back to the room seeing him eyeing a tight-fitted black see through shirt. "That would look hot. Bring it." I said to him that caused him to jump a little. When he saw me, he smiled a bit and placed the shirt in one of his suitcase.

"Who's on the phone?" JC asked as he fished a pair of pants.

"Bring that." I told him. "It was Lance reminding you that you'll be meeting in the compound by 9am and that you'll have your first concert tomorrow in Portland tomorrow as well." I relayed what Lance told me to JC.

"Damn. I thought we'll start tomorrow." JC commented. "Oh well, the quicker the tour starts the quicker I can go home." JC said with a grin.

"When will the tour end anyway?" I asked him not knowing anything that was going on with their tour. I just didn't ask any questions about it coz I thought that it was their stuff and not mine.

"April 28. So that's almost two months." JC answered. Two months??? This would truly be hell for me. "But after that, we'll have a lil break coz of Lance. I think he has this thing with Russia. I think he's going to space." JC scratched his head.

"That's cool." I said as I helped him pick some of his clothes for the tour. My God. His clothes are so wild and some are really flaming. "Who buys these stuff?" I asked him as I handed a green button shirt to him.

"I do." JC answered taking the shirt from my hand and placing it in his suitcase. Let's just leave it like that. It took us around 3 hours sorting out all of the things he would bring. Within that time was lots of arguing about some of his 'party' clothes. "Can I bring the tiger printed coat?" JC asked for the third time.

"Josh, this is for your own good. I want you to look good in front of the camera and I don't want you to be insulted by Joan Rivers or someone." I explained to him slowly. A pout was slowly forming in his face.

"Please?" JC said to me and how can you resist that look. I groaned and handed the coat to him. God, I need to get over that look. JC kissed me at the lips and placed the coat in his suitcase. In total, there were 3 suitcases filled with his clothes and I know that when he goes home after 2 months, these 3 would multiply with more clothes.

"But next time, when you go shopping, bring someone with you. Like Justin okay?" I said to him. Even if Justin pisses me off, I have to admit that he has a very good fashion sense. JC nodded. "Now that we're done packing, what are we gonna do?" I asked.

JC seemed to think for a while. "How bout we just eat first then we decide afterwards." He suggested. I nodded and hand-by-hand, we went to the kitchen to fix something up. Josh bought a few stuff yesterday so there were many options for us to take. "What do you want?" He asked.

"Let's try Chinese." I said. He nodded and with what we have in the kitchen, we tried to cook up some Chinese dish. Thank God for mom's recipe book. We were having fun while cooking and in that short time, I forgot about his departure tomorrow. All I was thinking was JC. My love for JC. I don't even know what they call this dish but I know this is good coz my mom cooked this before at home but I forgot the name. It has beef in it and oyster sauce. Whatever. "Wanna taste?" I offered to Josh who nodded happily.

I scooped a lil amount of the sauce and placed it in JC's waiting mouth. "Delicious." JC commented. I smiled at him and turned off the stove. He handed me a plate and I poured it there. JC has already set up the table with our plates and a bowl of rice in the center. I placed the beef dish beside the rice and I sat on my chair. "Wine?" JC asked as he showed me a bottle.

"Sure." I answered. JC opened the bottle and poured it in my glass, and then he poured his.

"Can I propose a toast?" JC said. It was kinda cheesy but sweet as well. I nodded and I took the glass from the table. "For more love with you forever." JC said to me and the two glasses met together with a clink. I sipped a little and I must say that it was good wine.

"Can you describe this tour to me?" I asked trying to spark up a conversation. And I know how JC loves to talk about what he does. Not like mine, which is utterly boring.

"It's pretty laid back compared to the last one. We wanted it to be more intimate so the venue is much smaller and we get to interact with the crowd more." JC told me. "Plus, we get to relax a bit as well coz it won't be too strenuous like the past one." JC smiled.

"I guess you deserve a rest as well coz you've been on the road most of the time." I said to him.

"I know." JC told me. "I'm really looking forward after this tour coz we have a little break. Lance is gonna train for his space trip so we can just do our own thing for a while. And I'm thinking that I'll be spending that with you." JC told me as he placed his hand over mine. I smiled warmly at him. "I know that you're scared." JC told me.

"I'm not hiding it." I said to him. I wasn't really. I was actually parading it to everyone. I dunno why but it wasn't a conscious effort to make it known that I'm a little scared. Okay, I'm really scared. I'm just transparent I guess.

"There's nothing to be afraid of Kyle." JC said to me.

"I know that JC and I want to believe that. But my mind doesn't want to accept it. You're my first serious relationship in my whole life and I don't know what to do." I said to him.

"This is my first time too Kyle. It's been only a few days since I came out to the guys. We just have to try to figure this out together." JC tried to reassure me once more.

"That's just it. You just came out. All your feelings are suppressed and that's what I'm afraid of. This is your first gay relationship and it's a long distance one. What if you meet someone better than me? That's what I'm afraid of." I said.

"I know you are not the best Kyle coz for me no one is the best. I am contented being with you coz I love you." JC squeezed my hand emphasizing his point.

"But we won't be together for two months. You are alone there on the road and I won't be there with you." My pessimism was getting over me now. I dunno why but I just keep on thinking the worst things in my mind. Mental note, try to be a little optimistic.

"So what if I'm alone there?" JC questioned me. I can sense that he was a little bit pissed off already from the tone of his voice but my mouth wasn't shutting up. "You think that I'm gonna look for someone to appease my sexual needs?" JC asked again. I nodded slowly. "I can't believe you think so low of me like that. Kyle for God's sake, I love you! Can't you accept that fact and think higher of me." JC said to me with pain and anger in his voice.

"I love you too JC. But I can't help not to think about it." I tried to reason out.

"Can't you trust me?" JC asked. I thought about that. Do I really trust Josh? "Fuck! I can't believe you don't even trust me! And I thought that you love me." JC stood up and stormed out of the dining room leaving me staring at the empty space that he just left.

I followed him. "JC..." I started.

JC spun around and looked at me with anger and hurt written in his face. "Don't start with me Kyle. I thought that you love me. I thought that you would trust me in this. But no! You just have to think that I'm a horny teenager looking for a quick fix every time! Maybe Justin is right about you." JC shouted at me. I was hurt with what he said but I know that what he said was true.

JC climbed the flight of stairs and after a few seconds, I heard a door slam. The tears began to flow out of my eyes. "Why do I have to fuck up everything?" I asked myself. I thought that this was it but I just have to be insecure and suspicious with everyone.

I heard Pookie whimpering by my feet like he was sensing my pain. "Come on Pookie. Let's go home." I picked up Pookie and went to my car. I drove off until I remembered that JC has access with the gate. "Damn!" I mumbled. I can't even get out of this place. I was starting to back up when the gates opened slowly. I turned around and saw a person standing in one of the windows. I guess he wants me to really get out. Out of his house. And out of his life... maybe.

---------------- End of Chapter

This is the 10th chapter in my series. I can't believe that I have reached the tenth installment already. Wow! I mean time does fly so fast when you write. Anyway, I know that many would be a little bit sad with what's going on in the lives of Kyle and JC. Like I told you, the drama is beginning so this is the mark of it.

Good news is that I have my summer break already giving me all the time in the world to write my stories. But the setback is that I'll just be bumming around for two whole months. sigh Anyway, I hope this summer would be really fun and I expect lots of mails from y'all.

Thanks to ALL of you who have taken the time and MAILED me! I truly appreciate it very much. A big, big shout to my Danish pals, Chris and Danny, I hope you always be in love forever coz you compliment each other. You two are made for each other! :-)

PLEASE!!!! Send me feedbacks... I'm a feedback addict! I so love those feedbacks. Short, long, good or bad, or just whatever... drop me a line okay? BTW, I have AIM so if you have the time, let's have a lil chat... my screen name is.... pseud0ry. 0 is a zero. and I have yahoo messenger too! use pseud0_nym. So if you wanna give me a shout, then do it. Also, I'm usually in the boyband chatroom.

NEW Addie is: yr_ry_@hotmail.com

EMAIL me.

A big 'HI' to the people in the Nifty Boyband Chatroom and CRAZY!!! They are so nice, especially Wes, Dru, CJ, Duckie, Strat, Clive, Jayson... and the list goes on. Wanna say hi to my friend Byron who have helped me with his support and his friendship! Stay strong in your relationship! Finally, a big big 'thank you' to David who maintains the Nifty archives, without him, we won't be reading any of the best slash fics in the world!

Also, here are my suggestions of other cool stories in the archive that influenced me in my craft.

• Brian and Justin (Brian/Justin)

• The One (Brian/Justin)

• Jamie's Romance (Justin)

• Love Thru Chat (JC/Justin, Lance)

• Josh and Just (JC/Justin)

• Lance in Shining Armour (Lance)

• My New Life (Lance)

• Because I Love You (Brian/Nick)

• Double Take (Brian/Nick)

• Bad Boy B-Rok (Brian)

• Justin's Dark Angel (Justin)

• My Surprise Romance (Lance)

• Heir to the Darkness (Brian/Nick)

• Life with Justin (Justin)

• Kevin and Dustin (Kevin)

• French Kiss Me (Brian)

• Millennium Love (Brian)

• Forever (Kevin)

• JC's Hitchhiker (JC)

• Get Another Boyfriend (Kevin)

• Jimmy Needs Assistance (Lance)

• Lance, JC and an Astral Fan (Lance/JC)

• Lance's Search (Lance/JC)

• Heir to the Darkness (Nick/Brian)

• JC Dreams (JC)

• On the Streets (Kevin)

• Sans Vous, Je Suis Rien (Justin)

• Insecurities (Nick)

• Chance Meeting (Justin)

• My Soulmate JC (JC)

• Brian and Tommy (Brian)