What I See

Disclaimer

If you are under 18 or not of legal age in your country, please do not read on. If you couldn't accept themes of homosexuality and the like, please don't read on. This is a story concerning gay males having intimate relationships and is considered FOR ADULTS ONLY due to its sexual theme and contents. BUT if you really like this stuff, please don't tell others.

Everything in this story is purely FICTIONAL. Or in simpler terms, it's not true!!! Even if this story involves NSYNC, a real, successful American singing group, and a fictitious character, all that happens in here is fictional... again, it's not true. If there are instances that it is similar to what happened in the real world, it doesn't mean that it's really true. I don't know anything about their sexuality, as far as the I and the world know, they're straight as an arrow so I dunno if they're gay (but I do have my speculations) or not but I wrote this out of freedom of speech and my love for these guys and slash fiction. I don't own or know NSYNC personally. AGAIN, it's NOT TRUE!!! but don't we all hope that it's true... hehehehe...

First Words

Hi guys. This is my 3rd work here in the boyband section of the Nifty Archives. I dunno why I called it "What I See" but I just ran out of ideas for a title and thought of something simple. So the title, What I See was born giggle. I dunno if I can manage my 3 stories at the same time but Crossed Paths is in its "season break" and Reformation is still there. But I'll really try my best to update all my stories. Remember, I love feedbacks.

Mail me at my NEW Addie at yr_ry_@hotmail.com

What I See Chapter 12

The two of us were just standing there by someone else's lawn. Paul was just staring at me waiting for something to happen. Me on the other hand was sweating profusely. I was so nervous as hell. The phone just kept on ringing and ringing and it was like that it wasn't gonna end. Again, my mind was racing arranging different scenarios why JC wouldn't answer the phone. And, all of them are really bad, very bad.

Then, I heard a click like someone answered. "Hello?" I said on the phone. I know my voice was still a little hoarse and I sounded like I was unsure with what I was doing. Well, I really don't know what I'll be telling him. As what Paul said, just tell something straight from the heart. Only silence answered me. "Josh?" I voiced out again.

I know that someone was on the other line. I can hear the deep breathing. But why won't he say something? Is he still mad at me because of last night? I hope not. I really hope not. "Yes?" JC said to me blankly.

"Josh, can we talk?" I asked. My heart was racing really fast and it was like I was gonna throw up the cereal I ate earlier on. Please say 'yes'.

"We're talking now." Josh replied icily. I guess he's still mad.

"Josh, I'm really sorry last night. I trust you Josh. I really really do." Tears were beginning to form in my eyes. It was like I was the only who's existing at the moment. Me, the phone, and Josh. I didn't notice the prying eyes of Paul as he looked at me with concern and curiosity. I didn't notice that I was out in someone else's lawn pouring my heart out. Pouring my heart out. That's new.

Josh remained silent just breathing deeply.

"Josh, you're the most amazing thing that has ever happened in my life. For the first time in my life, I have somebody who I can call my 'boyfriend' and that fact really scares me. I am so afraid of myself in screwing up this relationship coz this is very important in my life right now." The tears were already flowing down my cheeks and I have fallen to the grassy ground of this lawn. I guess my knees have buckled down. "Last night when we were talking, I was thinking how I ever deserve such an ideal guy like you. I was thinking what you see in me. Add that with my lil bit of low self-esteem, I was thinking that I might not be good enough for you coz I am so imperfect and you seem so perfect." I did what Paul advised me. I told him what I was feeling. All that's in my heart, I poured it all out. "But I guess all the things that I have thought were true, I screwed everything up. I guess Justin might be right. I'm not right for you." I whispered the final few words. I was exhausted.

"But you are right for me." Josh said to me with a whisper that I barely heard. "You might not be perfect coz no one is really perfect, Kyle. I didn't love a perfect Kyle. I loved the imperfect guy who makes me laugh and fall madly in love again when he does something perfect or imperfect." I can sense that JC was crying as well with the sniffling and the nasal voice.

"But I screwed things up between us." I sobbed. I felt a comforting hand rubbing my back and I knew that it was Paul who was doing that. It was the only way he could show that he cared about me. It was my battle, not his and we both knew that.

"You're not the only one who screwed up Kyle. I should share the blame too." JC told me.

"No Josh! No! It was all my fault and you know it. Just don't." I refused to believe what JC just told me. All of this was because of me, no one else but me.

"It's my fault too. Last night, I tried to think about what we shared for the past days. And it has always about me. Nothing but me. I tried to place you in the world that I belong and I didn't even taken the effort to get to know yours. I've dragged you to my rehearsals and you met my friends and I was thinking that I want you to be so much a part of me that I forgot that you have your own that I haven't get to know that much. I don't even know where your office is." Josh cried. "I've been too insensitive as well. I always say that it would be all right but it's not the truth. It's not all right because I hate being away from you now that I've learned to live with you." JC paused a chuckled a little bit that caught my attention. "See, it's all about JC Chasez again and how he'll live through the tour with you." JC said bitterly.

"Josh, stop it." I told him not wanting to hear this self-hate banter that he's been doing. "You don't have to do this."

"You don't have to do it either." JC shot back at me making me fall into silence. "Can't we just leave it that it's both our faults but we're gonna move on from it?" JC pleaded to me.

"I'd like that." I said barely a whisper. "I'd really like that." I said in a more audible tone with a pleasant smile pasted on my face.

"Me too." I could picture Josh smiling. JC's smile... it was a spectacle to behold.

"What time are you leaving?" I asked him.

"I'm still in the house coz we're gonna meet by 9:00 later in the compound." JC answered. I grabbed Paul's hand and looked at the time in his watch. It read 7:30am. I have lots of time.

"I'll meet you there." I told JC and hung up the phone. I looked at Paul who just nodded at me. "Tell mom that I'll be there for lunch, okay?" I shouted as I ran towards my house to get my car keys and drive the hell out of there to JC's house.

Do you get the feeling that it's like the whole world is against you? I mean if you are hurrying up, there's just sick twist of fate that it just slows you down. Maybe it's the fact that I'm excited too much and I wanna see JC once more. Or prolly, the two cars barring the way when they collided in the accident and the jam in a traffic intersection.

Oh well, I still arrived in JC's house. I was in front of gate and I was about to turn off the engine to step down but the gates opened and I drove thru. He's still here. Once I parked and exited my car, I sprinted to the front door to finally meet JC. I was about 10 meters away from the door when the door opened and JC ran to me. It was like a slow-motion-drama scene. I was running to him and he was running to me.

His eyes were a little bit red, maybe from crying. I know because that's the same way I looked at the moment. Once we were close enough, I wrapped him into a tight embrace. It was like a big burden was lifted off my shoulders once I touched JC. I could also feel his hands snaking around me and it's like I felt so free yet so loved and protected. "I'm so sorry, Josh." I whispered at him repeatedly as I tried to hug him tighter. I really don't wanna let go. Never.

"Shh! We discussed this earlier." He said to me. "It's both our faults and we are gonna move on." I can hear his soulful sweet voice once more. It was one of the millions of fantastic things that I love about JC. I think he can drive me to ecstasy with just his voice. JC broke his embrace and we looked at each other. It's like I fell in love once more. Our faces were drawn closer until our lips met. "Come on, let's go inside." Josh said with a smile in his face.

The two of us walked inside the house. I could see his packed bags on the floor ready to go for their tour. My spirits seemed to be trampled once more. We are gonna part ways once more but I tried to hide it from JC. This could be the last moment we're gonna see each other for a few months and I don't want him to worry once more. When I looked at JC, he has this smile on his face that wasn't wavering. It's just there. When he looked at me, his smile became bigger. It was like his whole face was smiling that was emanating happiness. It was contagious coz I was smiling as well.

He winked at me and he dragged me to upstairs. I think I have an idea what this is all about. His legs moved quickly as he pulled me towards his room and all I can do is follow his pace. I guess this is what they would call the 'make-up' part and I'm really liking it already.

Once he opened the door, he spun around facing me and kissed me roughly like he wanted to do it so much already. And I was feeling the same. I guess last night really drained both of us. We need this. I grabbed his head and pushed myself closer to him. I need to touch him. His hands were snaking down to the button of my pants trying to undo it. I broke the kiss when an idea went into my mind. "I think if we both strip now, it would be quicker." I told him out of breath. He nodded and we quickly removed the articles of clothing that we were wearing until we were both naked like we were just born.

Our bodies once more met and I could feel the warmth that his skin was emanating. Plus, the pulsing cock down there. He moved back and I moved forward until we were at the bed I pushed him on the bed and dove at him like a wild animal that was set free. I smothered him with kisses. I wanted to taste him. I wanted to taste every part of his beautiful body. "Oh, Kyle!" Josh groaned. I went down further until I was face to face with his throbbing penis.

I wasted no time as I swallowed his penis and sucked on it. It elicited a loud gasp and moan from JC and that was the encouragement I needed. I let my hands crawl up his body until it touched one of his nipple. I began to rub it with my thumb. I felt JC's hand over my hand guiding the circular motion that I was doing with his nipple. "Kyle! God!" JC groaned once more.

Josh's ball sac contracted to his body signifying that he's close. I sucked harder and bobbed my head faster wanting to taste the succulent cum that he's gonna release momentary. "I'm about to cum..." JC groaned softly. I looked at him and his eyes were closed enraptured by the intense feeling. "I'm cumming!" JC groaned as his eyes opened and his body tensed. Volleys and volleys of semen were ejaculated from his penis to my mouth. It's still the most magnificent and exotic thing I ever tasted.

Once his penis stopped throbbing and began to deflate, I moved closer to him. "I love you." I told him as I nibbled his earlobe.

"I love you too Kyle." Josh whispered. The way he said it made my heart flutter. It was so simple yet it was so filled with emotions. The next thing I knew was that JC was straddling my chest and he has this mischievous grin plastered on his face. I know that he's up to something. "Now it's your turn."

"Do we have the time?" I asked him. I don't want him to be late because I know that he's really looking forward with this tour.

"Fuck it!" JC told me friskily and he wrapped my lips with his. I wrapped my hands around his body and I began stroking his smooth and muscular back. I felt that he was sliding down coz the next thing I was stroking was already his head. I really love his hair. It was so long and it was so soft.

A very strong feeling came to me as I felt a warmth around my penis. "Jesus!" I gasped as I saw JC's head bobbing up and down. He was sucking me like there was no tomorrow. It was short and quick strokes bringing me to an overload of pleasure coursing through my body. "JC! Oh!" I moaned as I grasped his long hair once more. I looked at him sucking me and I could see a thin film of sweat on his forehead. He was so serious with what he's doing. It's like he's making music there and there.

I could feel a familiar tightness in my groin area. I know that my climax nearing. "Josh, I'm close. Very close." I moaned as I continued to stroke his head. JC sucked harder and his motions were much faster putting me to the throes of climax. "I'm cumming!" I shouted as I ejaculated in his mouth. JC continued to bob up and down but in a slower pace as I slowly felt my orgasm come to a close. "You're so fantastic!" I panted. He looked at me and smiled. My head turned to the side and I saw the clock. It was 8:30am already. "Josh, what time are you needed again?" I asked him.

"9am, why?" He asked as he laid his head on my chest. He turned to the watch and prolly saw the time! "Shit! I'm gonna be late and they're gonna kill me!" JC exclaimed as he scrambled away from me but it made him fall from the bed. "Ouch!"

"Are you alright?" I asked him as I peered from the bed. He was lying at his back with this pained expression on his face. I was worried but it was damn funny. I was giggling already.

"Not funny!" JC groaned as he tried to stand up. I extended my hand and he grabbed it. I guess he didn't want to stand up coz he pulled me to him. Yes, it was painful. "Now, who's laughing?" JC told me with a tinge of sarcasm but I was still giggling.

"Come on, you're gonna be late." I told him as I tried to stifle my laughter. I stood up and then pulled him up. We put in our clothes and once we were presentable enough. "You know, we reek sex." I told him coz there was this distinct scent that just screams 'sex'.

"The guys are gonna tease me like hell in the bus." He whined.

"But you love it!" I told him and he laughed at that. He knows that it's true. We exited the room and went downstairs to get his bags and place them in my car. I'm gonna bring him to the compound making it easier for him coz he won't need someone to bring home his jeep. "You didn't forget anything?" I asked.

"Everything's here." JC told me and he went to the passenger side of my car. I went to mine and started my engine so we can start our trip to the compound.

We were halfway through and we weren't still talking. "So?" I broke the ice.

"So?" He said.

"Um, I really love you and trust you with my whole heart and soul." I told him. I needed to tell him that not for him, but for me. I want to confirm that it's what I was feeling. I needed to vocally admit my love for him.

"I love you too. I know that this is gonna be hard for you but we will make this work." JC said to me as he placed his hand on my hand. "We'll just have to talk, email or whatever each other. We're gonna make this happen coz I love you so much that it hurts."

"We will see each other again after a few months?" I asked as I parked in front of the compound. The bus was there and I could see that the others were already there. Joey and Chris were talking outside the bus and Lance was walking towards us waving.

"We'll see each other again." JC squeezed my hand and we met in a kiss. We stepped out of the car and carried his bags to the bus.

"Hey!" Lance greeted us. "Only 5 minutes late!"

"We have some, um, final business that we have to attend to." I reasoned out but I blushed a little when I said that coz I remembered what we just did in his house.

"I'm not gonna pry anymore at that." Lance told me quickly. "The guys are all there and you can just bring JC's bags in the bus." Lance informed us and JC and I just nodded at him. "3 bags? I think that's a record for JC."

"Too many?" I asked.

"Are you kidding? Last tour, he brought 8!" Lance chuckled. I looked at Josh and he was just smiling at me sheepishly.

"Let's just say that there are lots of unwanted stuff that I forced him to leave." I told Lance.

"Good!" Lance said with a nod.

"Hi Kyle!" Chris and Joey greeted us. I said 'hi' and resumed walking to the bus. We went in the bus and I was blown away. It was a little bit small but it was fully furnished. It was practically a house inside. They have this lounge room where there's a TV and lots of game consoles. There's a dining room and kitchen and finally the bunk beds. Yeah, it's a little bit cramped but I think they can manage.

"Our home!" Josh told me.

"Nice! Where's your bunk?" I asked him. He pointed at the farthest one to the right. I placed his bags there and again, a silence settled. "I guess this is it." I told him hesitantly. I don't want him to leave. I want to be with him.

"I'll call you as soon as we reach Portland, okay? Just remember that I love you and if you need anything, you know my cell." JC said to me. I could see the sadness in his eyes as he bid goodbye to me.

"I'll wait for that call." I told him. "And the same goes with you. Call me, email me anytime! I'll be there for you." I embraced him tightly trying not to shed any tears. It's hard enough that he's leaving right now and I don't want him to see me in a bad state. I have to be strong for him.

"Aaaw. Isn't that sweet?" A familiar sarcastic voice said behind us. I broke the embrace and looked at the source of the voice. It was Justin leaning at the entrance of the bunk area looking smug.

"What's your problem, Justin? You've been such a prick for the last few days." JC snapped. I never imagined that it would come from Josh. Maybe from me, but not Josh. I think Justin was thinking the same because he looked shocked. "I've fed up with all your banters. I'm with Kyle now. Live with it." Justin just spun around and left us.

"I'm sorry..." I started.

"You don't have to be sorry for anything. It's his problem not ours." The flare in JC's voice diminished and his features soften once more as a smile appeared in his face. I just nodded. "Come on, let's get out of this cramped bunk." JC held my hand and dragged me to the lounge room where the others were seated. Justin was in a corner sulking. Everyone seemed to be ignoring him.

The engine started. They're ready to go. "Bye Josh." I told him. He gave me a tight embrace and whispered 'I love you' in my ear. I'm trying my best not to cry in that moment. I broke the embrace and faced the others. "Bye guys! I hope y'all have a wonderful time." I told them with a smile.

"We'll try our best." Lance said with a nod as he stood up and gave me a friendly hug.

The others followed except Justin who was still in his little corner not facing anyone. "We'll keep Joshy out of trouble." Chris whispered as he gave me his hug that made me laugh a little.

"Thanks." I answered. I waved one final goodbye and stepped away from the bus. JC gave me a flying kiss and the door closed. The engine roared louder and it moved slowly at first. Then, it drove away. Away from me. "Bye. I love you." I said to no one in particular as a tear escaped my eye.

---------------- End of Chapter

Finally, that's Chapter 12. And the two are in lovey dovey terms again. I just can't stand Kyle and Josh being sad and angry with each other. Again, sorry for the sex scene, I'm still trying to cope up in that craft. My imagination seeemed to be not enough! The next one would be a little bit somber and it would feature Kyle's family. So more character development in the next one and little more secrets from Kyle and the family.

It's so damn hot!!! I live in a little archipelago in Asia, Philippines and when I say hot, it's really hot. I think we have like 35C (95F) temperature here. Summer here is good, but this is just too much already. sigh

Thanks to ALL of you who have taken the time and MAILED me! I truly appreciate it very much. A big, big shout to my Danish pals, Chris and Danny, I hope you always be in love forever coz you compliment each other perfectly. You two are made for each other! :-)

PLEASE!!!! Send me feedbacks... I'm a feedback addict! I so love those feedbacks. Short, long, good or bad, or just whatever... drop me a line okay? I also have most of the IM programs out there and I'm usually on, hopefully you can catch me.

AIM : pseud0ry Yahoo! : yr_ry MSN : yr_ry_@hotmail.com ICQ : 156360427

Also, I'm usually in the boyband chatroom.

NEW Addie is: yr_ry_@hotmail.com

EMAIL me.

A big 'HI' to the people in the Nifty Boyband Chatroom and CRAZY!!! They are so nice, especially Wes, Dru, CJ, Duckie, Strat, Clive, Jayson... and the list goes on. Wanna say hi to my friend Byron who have helped me with his support and his friendship! Stay strong in your relationship! Finally, a big big 'thank you' to David who maintains the Nifty archives, without him, we won't be reading any of the best slash fics in the world!

Also, here are my suggestions of other cool stories in the archive that influenced me in my craft.

• Brian and Justin (Brian/Justin)

• The One (Brian/Justin)

• Jamie's Romance (Justin)

• Love Thru Chat (JC/Justin, Lance)

• Josh and Just (JC/Justin)

• Lance in Shining Armour (Lance)

• My New Life (Lance)

• Because I Love You (Brian/Nick)

• Double Take (Brian/Nick)

• Bad Boy B-Rok (Brian)

• Justin's Dark Angel (Justin)

• My Surprise Romance (Lance)

• Heir to the Darkness (Brian/Nick)

• Life with Justin (Justin)

• Kevin and Dustin (Kevin)

• French Kiss Me (Brian)

• Millennium Love (Brian)

• Forever (Kevin)

• JC's Hitchhiker (JC)

• Get Another Boyfriend (Kevin)

• Jimmy Needs Assistance (Lance)

• Lance, JC and an Astral Fan (Lance/JC)

• Lance's Search (Lance/JC)

• Heir to the Darkness (Nick/Brian)

• JC Dreams (JC)

• On the Streets (Kevin)

• Sans Vous, Je Suis Rien (Justin)

• Insecurities (Nick)

• Chance Meeting (Justin)

• My Soulmate JC (JC)

• Brian and Tommy (Brian)

• Like the Rain (Justin)