What I See

Disclaimer

If you are under 18 or not of legal age in your country, please do not read on. If you couldn't accept themes of homosexuality and the like, please don't read on. This is a story concerning gay males having intimate relationships and is considered FOR ADULTS ONLY due to its sexual theme and contents. BUT if you really like this stuff, please don't tell others.

Everything in this story is purely FICTIONAL. Or in simpler terms, it's not true!!! Even if this story involves NSYNC, a real, successful American singing group, and a fictitious character, all that happens in here is fictional... again, it's not true. If there are instances that it is similar to what happened in the real world, it doesn't mean that it's really true. I don't know anything about their sexuality, as far as the I and the world know, they're straight as an arrow so I dunno if they're gay (but I do have my speculations) or not but I wrote this out of freedom of speech and my love for these guys and slash fiction. I don't own or know NSYNC personally. AGAIN, it's NOT TRUE!!! but don't we all hope that it's true... hehehehe...

First Words

Hi guys. This is my 3rd work here in the boyband section of the Nifty Archives. I dunno why I called it "What I See" but I just ran out of ideas for a title and thought of something simple. So the title, What I See was born giggle. I dunno if I can manage my 3 stories at the same time but Crossed Paths is in its "season break" and Reformation is still there. But I'll really try my best to update all my stories. Remember, I love feedbacks.

Mail me at my NEW Addie at yr_ry_@hotmail.com

What I See Chapter 16

I returned to the office of Mr. Reily where I had a little nice chat with his secretary. Her name is Donna and she's just very kind and thoughtful. She's not like some of those snobbish secretaries who seemed to have a daily dose of PMS. Awful thought! Anyway, as what Mr. Reily said to me, I listed the things that I wanted for the office and gave it to Donna. It was near lunch already and I invited Donna to eat with me coz the two of us just jive together.

"So where do you wanna eat?" I asked her as we walked to the elevator.

"Lemme think of the most expensive restaurant." She said and seemed to think about it before giggling. It reminded me of high school with girls giggling when their crush passes by and they whisper to each other stuff. God knows what they talk about! "Just kidding! How about Chinese?" She asked. The elevator doors opened and we entered it. There wasn't anyone in it.

"Sure! I love Chinese." I answered her. During the elevator ride, our conversation went into our love life. I know she wasn't prying but it was just a usual question among people, right? "I have a boyfriend." I told her absentmindedly. I can't believe I just said that.

Her eyes bulged and a shocked expression was written on his face. "You're gay!?" I dunno if she said it or asked. But it seemed that it was just a mere expression of surprise. "You don't look gay." She told me in a calmer tone.

"Is that a compliment or an insult?" I chuckled.

"A compliment, of course!" She answered. "There's just no ounce of gayness in you. I mean you look so, um, masculine and hot too." Her face was red from blushing after she said her final two words.

"Thanks, I guess." I said hesitantly. Well, it's the first time I got that comment in my whole life. But this is the first time that I was so open about it. Don't get me wrong, I'm already out in the whole world -- I think -- but this is the first time I said 'I'm gay' to someone who I haven't known for a long time. So, it's like confessing my sexuality to a stranger. "This is just me. I have acted this way since forever." I said with a smile.

The elevator doors opened to the first floor and we walked out. "It's cool with me." She smiled at me warmly. We walked to my car and being the gentleman that I am, I ushered her in the passenger's seat first before I went to the driver's seat. "Such a gentleman." She noted with a giggle. "Too bad that you're competition in my field."

"Remember, I'm attached so all the fish in the sea are all yours." I said and started the engine. We went to one of my favorite Chinese restaurants where we ate an amazing meal -- as always. During the course of our lunch, we talked some more and learned more about each other. She seemed so friendly and so down to earth. She's also beautiful and if I'm not gay, I would have asked her out already. When we were almost over, my phone began to ring. I looked at the caller ID and it read Josh. I can't help not to smile as I took the call.

"Ooh! Boyfriend!" Donna cooed me. I just waved my hands in front of her dismissing whatever she was saying.

"Hey!" I answered the phone.

"How are you sexy?" He asked me.

"Hot as always." I whispered. "Thanks for last night again." I told him as I replayed our little phone conversation in my mind making me blush from that new experience.

"Anytime, babe." JC told me. "So did Reily talk to you?" He asked me. I think he just woke up because his voice was a little bit scratchy. I glanced at Donna who was just staring at me with a goofy grin plastered on her face. Now, I feel so self-conscious.

"Reily?" I asked.

"The guy from Jive." He answered. Wait, I didn't tell him about the person I was meeting. If I remember correctly, I just told him that I was meeting some Jive people but no names. There was a knot in my stomach and that was a very bad omen for me. I don't like something.

"Oh." I said to him as I thought more about the situation. "Yeah, I talked to him." I said to him tersely. When I glanced at Donna, the smile was gone but a frown appeared. I guess she sensed the change in my mood.

"Anything wrong?" Josh asked me. I guess he's sensitive too.

"Can we talk later? I'm gonna finish my lunch with Donna, Mr. Reily's secretary and then, I'll call your phone later." I told him.

"Um, okay." Josh said worriedly. "I love you."

"I love you too." I said and ended the phone call. I was so close in slamming the phone but my rational mind took over. I just closed my eyes and breathed in to try to ease some of the pent up feelings inside.

"Anything wrong?" Donna asked as she placed her hand over mine.

"I'm hoping that there's none." I sighed. "I just got a feeling that me being in Jive wasn't solely something that came out of the blue." I told her. She just looked at me confused. I took my phone again and dialed Matt's number. I guess he'll know.

"Matt Hunt." Matt said.

"Matt, it's Kyle." I said.

"Oh, hi Kyle! Everything okay there?" He asked me and I could hear some papers shuffling. I guess he must be busy.

"Yeah, everything is fine. I just wanna ask you a question about my job. Did Mr. Reily approach you about the project?" I asked. "Please answer me honestly."

Matt didn't answer for a few seconds like he was thinking it through. "To be honest Kyle, Mr. Reily just called me the other day but he said that he wanted to sound that Mr. Reily and I were talking about this project for weeks now. I have no idea why but I really wanted the big project. So I agreed and the other condition that you're the one who will work on the project." Matt explained to me. In my mind, it's like pieces of a big puzzle coming together and showing me the complete picture.

"Thanks, Matt." I thanked him. "I'll call you again, okay?" I told him and ended the call. Again, I placed the phone on the table and closed my eyes.

"I know that it's a silly question to ask now, but are you okay?" Donna asked once more.

"I'm not." I snapped. "Sorry Donna. I just learned that my boyfriend has a part in my job in Zomba." I sighed. "And I hate that fact." I added.

"Maybe he loves you really much." Donna said to me.

"And I do love him very much too. But it would just go against my principles if I work with someone that I got not because of my credentials but because my boyfriend is a hot shot in there." I told her and when the words flew out of my mouth, I snapped my hands over my hand. I slipped.

"Don't worry! We secretaries in Jive know about these things." She smiled at me. "JC is a lucky guy." I was surprised. "Don't worry about anything. It won't get out." She added.

"How?" I asked.

"Well, when you said that you're gay. It dawned to me that you're the same Kyle who's the boyfriend of JC. That news has been circulating around the building for a few days already." She explained to me. I can't believe that they know about this.

"Do the guys know?" I asked.

"Of course they do! How can JC ask Mr. Reily about it?" She said and then placed her hand over her mouth. I guess I'm not the only one who slipped.

"Bill please." I signaled one of the waiters and just cocked my head to the left and looked at Donna. "Don't worry. I already know that. My boss did tell me about it and Josh kinda slipped too when he named Mr. Reily." I assured her that she's not part of this.

"Thanks. My reputation is on the line." She told me.

"But I guess I won't be working in Jive." I said sadly. "Like I said, it's against my principles. I'll talk to JC later about this and I'll call Matt tomorrow to tell him that I'm declining the project." I told her. The waiter arrived and handed me the bill. I looked at the total amount and handed it back to him with my credit card.

"It would have been nice if you're gonna work with us." She told me. I just sighed.

I brought Donna back to the Jive building and drove to my house feeling numb. I don't know what to feel. Should I be happy because JC did this for me? Should I be mad because JC did this to me? Should I be sad because JC did this? All of the mixed emotions kept on coming in and out of my mind but it just ended in the feeling of numbness. The only way to solve this is to talk to JC.

When I reached the house, I opened the door and went to the phone immediately and dialed JC's number -- I memorized it already. After a few rings, someone answered. "Chasez phone." Someone answered.

"Is Josh there?" I asked.

"Who's on the line?" The guy asked.

"Kyle." I answered and I already guessed who answered the phone. It was Justin. Just great! Now, I don't think I have a chance to talk to JC now.

"He's not here." Justin told me. I closed my eyes trying to control my temper.

"Will he be back immediately?" I asked.

"I'm not sure." Justin said hesitantly.

"Can we talk for a minute?" I said dropping to the couch. Pookie came running to me and jumped on the couch. I picked her up and placed her on my chest as I tried to spark up a conversation. I need to talk to someone.

"Um, okay." Justin replied.

"Are you still mad at me?" I asked him bluntly.

Justin didn't answer for a few seconds like he was thinking about what he's gonna say. "Why will I be mad with you?" He asked back with a weak laugh. I know that he's stalling.

"Because I'm with JC and not with you." I answered. "I know that sounded so arrogant but that's what I know and what I feel. Your hostility just came out when JC and I started dating." I told him.

"Come on, Kyle. I'm over it. I'm over you." Justin told me.

"But why do you keep on doing this? I've been reaching out to you and you keep on pushing me away. I even lied for you to JC and that really made me feel bad." I told him.

"Lied for me?" Justin asked.

"JC asked me why I didn't call him yesterday. I told him that I just had a meeting and couldn't phone him." I told Justin.

"Oh." Justin said.

"Yeah, but it's okay." I told Justin. "But now, I'm gonna rant okay? So don't stop me because I need to rant because JC just did something I didn't like. I just can't believe that the job I'm offered in Jive was something that JC asked for. I was so happy yesterday because I thought that it was my big break and my hard work has brought me this but now everything just toppled over! It wasn't because I'm good but it's because that JC asked Jive to give me the fuckin' job! I may sound ungrateful but my principles are jeopardized here. I can't accept a job that only offered the job because of someone influential. That's just not me! I'll rather rot in a dirty old apartment than earning big bucks to something that wasn't really for me! But now I'm feeling so many emotions because I don't know if I should be happy, mad or sad or whatever! Everything is just so new to me and I don't know how to react to this and this is just confusing me more!" I ended breathing hard. That felt good. "Thank you for being my ear, Justin." I said calmly.

"No problem." Justin told me and after a few seconds, burst into a fit of laughter. "Sorry, I just can't help it. You sounded so funny when you're ranting." He laughed again.

I tried to replay what I said and laughed as well. "I guess it was but it felt good." I giggled. "It's nice to vent out."

"Yeah." Justin said seriously at once. "Can I?" Justin asked.

"Sure." I answered him.

"You know, the situation you're in sounds so bad but I feel bad too! You know why? It's because of YOU! You're the reason why I feel so shitty and that I just can't live my life normally! I just can't help not to be hurt and mad because you're the first one who rejected me! It's just a new experience for me and I don't know how to cope with that! Add to that fact that you're the boyfriend of my best friend! My fuckin' best friend! And do you know how bad it feels when I see you all lovey dovey? All I was thinking that it could have been me there and not Josh but me! But no, it's Josh and I have to be the spectator of all of your shit! I just can't take it! And when you try to be friends with me, I just can't accept that! Because whatever I do, I just don't wanna be just a friend because I want to be your boyfriend! I am so in love with you so much that it hurts!" Justin was bawling already.

I was speechless. I dunno how to comfort Justin because I was the cause of his pain. I feel a little guilty but I just can't control my feelings that I like Josh over him. "I wish I know what to do." I mumbled.

"But there's nothing you can do." Justin sobbed. "You and Josh loves each other and I have to accept that but it just hurts."

"Why don't you sleep this over and we'll talk more about this." I suggested.

"Okay." Justin sniffled. "Um, Kyle?" Justin voiced.

"Yes, Justin." I replied.

"Thank you." He told me and then ended the call. I was stunned. It was still early so I decided that I'll just visit the family to take my mind off from things that I was thinking about. I picked up Pookie and walked out of the house to drive to my parents' home. I know that it's just for a short distance but I was feeling lazy at the moment so I'll just drive.

In no time, I reached our house. I shut off the engine and walked to the front door carrying Pookie. I rang the doorbell and waited for someone to open up. The door opened up and it was mom. "What a pleasant surprise!" She exclaimed as she gave me a hug. She also took Pookie from my hands and she cooed with her ignoring me.

I let myself in and it seemed that Paul was sleeping on the couch -- as usual. "How's everything mom?" I asked her as she played with Pookie still.

"Nothing has changed dear." She told me and placed Pookie on the floor. "You just went here last Sunday and you know that this house is boring." She chuckled heartily. Pookie walked to Paul and jumped on top of him barking loudly. Paul's eyes shot open and almost jumped.

"Why is this furball on me?" Paul asked as he rubbed the sleepiness off his eyes. Pookie jumped away from him and walked to me. "Hi Kyle. So what's the problem?" He asked as he stood up. I moved to the couch and sat.

"Why do you assume that when I go here, I have a problem? I can go here with my own free will." I told them.

"Yeah right." Paul rolled his eyes.

"Dear, you do come here when you have a problem." My mom told me with a knowing smile.

"Fine!" I sighed. "I was offered a project in Jive." I told them.

"When did a job become a problem?" Paul wondered as he scratched his head.

"That's just it. I didn't get that because they picked our company but it was a little influence from the inside." I explained.

"Oh!" Paul said getting my point. "Will you take it?" Paul asked.

"My heart says 'no'." I replied.

"Then follow your heart." My mom told me. "I think you should talk with your boyfriend and tell him how you felt when he did that. I know that he was just being a nice boyfriend."

"I know." I nodded. "Where's lil Dee?" I asked.

"In the club. I think they're gonna have a delivery today so she has to be there." Mom answered. "Will you be staying for dinner?"

"I guess. Pookie is here and Josh has a concert tonight so I can't talk with him. And I think that Justin won't tell him that I called." I answered. My mom nodded and excused herself away coz she has to cook something up with my addition.

"Justin still a pain in the ass?" Paul asked.

"Well, we talked." I said. Paul raised his eyebrow and I guess he's waiting for the details. "It was more of a ranting, actually. I just needed to vent out and he was the perfect guy. Then, he vented out as well and confessed that he's in love with me." I gave Paul the gist of my talk with Justin earlier.

"Ouch!" Paul winced. "How are you dealing?" He asked.

"Very sad and angry because of Josh and a little bit guilty because of Justin." I sighed and slumped deeper on the couch while petting Pookie on my lap.

-------------------- End of Chapter

This is the 16th chapter of my series and I'm still wowed that I lasted this long. And I still have many more ideas in mind. My only problem is how I'll wrote those ideas? Well, I know that with the job of Kyle, he'll be closer to JC but a friend (Kyriel) noted how that was so common so I thought of not pushing through with that idea and now, let's all see how this new path would go.

Thanks to ALL of you who have taken the time and MAILED me! I truly appreciate it very much. A big, big shout to my Danish pals, Chris and Danny, I hope you always be in love forever coz you compliment each other perfectly. You two are made for each other! :-)

PLEASE!!!! Send me feedbacks... I'm a feedback addict! I so love those feedbacks. Short, long, good or bad, or just whatever... drop me a line okay? I also have most of the IM programs out there and I'm usually on, hopefully you can catch me.

AIM : pseud0ry Yahoo! : yr_ry MSN : yr_ry_@hotmail.com ICQ : 156360427

Also, I'm usually in the boyband chatroom.

NEW Addie is: yr_ry_@hotmail.com

EMAIL me.

A big 'HI' to the people in the Nifty Boyband Chatroom and CRAZY!!! They are so nice, especially Wes, Dru, CJ, Duckie, Strat, Clive, Jayson... and the list goes on. Wanna say hi to my friend Byron who have helped me with his support and his friendship! Stay strong in your relationship! Finally, a big big 'thank you' to David who maintains the Nifty archives, without him, we won't be reading any of the best slash fics in the world!

Also, here are my suggestions of other cool stories in the archive that influenced me in my craft.

NSYNC Stories.

• Jamie's Romance (Justin)

• Love Thru Chat (JC/Justin, Lance)

• Josh and Just (JC/Justin)

• Lance in Shining Armour (Lance)

• My New Life (Lance)

• Justin's Dark Angel (Justin)

• My Surprise Romance (Lance)

• Life with Justin (Justin)

• JC's Hitchhiker (JC)

• Jimmy Needs Assistance (Lance)

• Lance, JC and an Astral Fan (Lance/JC)

• Lance's Search (Lance/JC)

• Like the Rain (Justin)

• Time Stood Still

• JC Dreams (JC)

• My Soulmate JC (JC)

• Sans Vous, Je Suis Rien (Justin)

• Chance Meeting (Justin)

• Needing You (Lance/Eminem)

Backstreet Stories.

• Because I Love You (Brian/Nick)

• Double Take (Brian/Nick)

• Bad Boy B-Rok (Brian)

• Heir to the Darkness (Brian/Nick)

• Kevin and Dustin (Kevin)

• French Kiss Me (Brian)

• Millennium Love (Brian)

• Forever (Kevin)

• Get Another Boyfriend (Kevin)

• Heir to the Darkness (Nick/Brian)

• Insecurities (Nick)

• On the Streets (Kevin)

• Brian and Tommy (Brian)

Crossover Stories.

• Brian and Justin (Brian/Justin)

• The One (Brian/Justin)

• Living (Almost all of NSYNC, BSB and 98') --> found in www.matthewtime.com