What I See

Disclaimer

If you are under 18 or not of legal age in your country, please do not read on. If you couldn't accept themes of homosexuality and the like, please don't read on. This is a story concerning gay males having intimate relationships and is considered FOR ADULTS ONLY due to its sexual theme and contents. BUT if you really like this stuff, please don't tell others.

Everything in this story is purely FICTIONAL. Or in simpler terms, it's not true!!! Even if this story involves NSYNC, a real, successful American singing group, and a fictitious character, all that happens in here is fictional... again, it's not true. If there are instances that it is similar to what happened in the real world, it doesn't mean that it's really true. I don't know anything about their sexuality, as far as the I and the world know, they're straight as an arrow so I dunno if they're gay (but I do have my speculations) or not but I wrote this out of freedom of speech and my love for these guys and slash fiction. I don't own or know NSYNC personally. AGAIN, it's NOT TRUE!!! but don't we all hope that it's true... hehehehe...

First Words

Hi guys. This is my 3rd work here in the boyband section of the Nifty Archives. I dunno why I called it "What I See" but I just ran out of ideas for a title and thought of something simple. So the title, What I See was born giggle. I dunno if I can manage my 3 stories at the same time but Crossed Paths is in its "season break" and Reformation is still there. But I'll really try my best to update all my stories. Remember, I love feedbacks.

Mail me at my NEW Addie at yr_ry_@hotmail.com

What I See Chapter 17

I tried to forget my problems while I was in our house. Well, I couldn't have done it without Paul and Mom. They were working wonders because when they think that I was zoning off or something, -- which was a lot -- they'll spark a conversation or let me do something that would take my mind off things. But I think Paul is pushing it coz I'm already doing some of his chores.

Around 4pm, Dee arrived and she looked so tired. I think she could collapse if the wind blows at her. "Tired?" I asked even if it was pretty obvious already with her appearance.

"Don't mention it." She said as she slumped on the couch. Then, she looked at me with a confused look. "Hey! What are you doing here? Problem?" She asked.

"I'm not talking about it now." I told her quickly and she nodded. I think Dee being tired has some good side effects coz I know that she would have pried about my problem if it was a normal day. "Mom and Paul are in the kitchen cooking something." I told her and she just waved her hand. I left her on the couch and walked in the kitchen finding the two slicing carrots and cucumbers.

"I'm thinking steamed vegetables." Mom said. "And chicken casserole." She added after a few minutes of pondering.

"That's cool, mom." I smiled and sat on the chair beside Paul. "How are you and Wade?" I whispered. Paul stopped chopping and I could sense that he tensed a little bit as well. Then he continued after a few a seconds like I didn't say anything.

"Not so good." Paul then said out of nowhere and his voice was a little bit off -- like something big was bothering him. I wasn't pushing the topic to him already but he just said that. "He's always busy. He has to choreograph this and he has to take care of the effects for the show and he has to write with Justin. I think he spends more time with Justin than me!" Paul wiped away a stray tear that cascaded down his cheek.

I glanced at mom who seemed to be hearing nothing. "Josh is also like that but you have to remember that it's their job." I tried to reason out.

"A job doesn't last until fuckin' 2am!" He said.

"Language!" My mom pointed at Paul with a glare. Well, I guess she was listening but she's not barging in our lives... yet.

"Sorry, mom." He mumbled and my mom returned chopping the carrots after a nod. "It's just so frustrating, you know. I don't even know if he's still my boyfriend because he doesn't act like one." Paul again said. "I mean, I know that you and JC talk to each other everyday.

"Relationships are about sacrifices." My mom stated. "It's not like those types in fairy tales where you two meet and you go on living happily ever after. There's a lot of drama that is included in a relationship. One of this is sacrificing for each other."

"I think I'm the only one who is sacrificing. What is he sacrificing? Nothing." He said bitterly.

"When was the last time you talked with him?" I asked.

"The other night but he has to excuse himself because Justin needs him." He said with a hint of sarcasm in his tone.

"Then talk with him again and try to settle it. If you're gonna break up and then break up. If he's still up for a relationship with you then work things out." I told him. "That's what I'm gonna do with Josh later if he can't take what we're gonna talk about later." Now, it's back to me. Can I really break up with Josh because of that job? Probably not, but I'll try to be rational about things. Take the note of the word 'try'.

"Probably." Paul shrugged. An air of silence settled in the kitchen and everything went as it was like we didn't even talk.

"Who's up for something?" Dee said as she entered the kitchen after a few minute.s

"I thought you're tired?" I asked as I looked at her with amusement because she seemed to be so hyper already.

"That's a few minutes ago. I'm not tired anymore." She answered and rolled her eyes. "Let's go out and do something. Dad is gonna come home around 6 so we have loads of time. We haven't been to anywhere with just us." I looked at Paul who seemed to be thinking about it too. But I don't wanna leave mom here doing all these stuff.

"Don't think about me." Mom just said. "You three go out and have fun." She smiled at us and when I glanced at Paul, he just nodded.

"Fine. We'll be back later." I told mom who just nodded and resumed chopping. Paul and I stood up from where we were seated and followed Dee's lead. I guess we're using Dee's car. "So Dee, where are we going?" I asked.

"Good question." She stated. "I dunno." She entered the driver's seat and Paul already stood in front of the passenger's door so I guess I'm gonna be enjoying the back seat for this trip. What joy!

"Mall?" I suggested.

"Okay." She answered. "You two having problems with your boyfriends?" She asked as she glanced at me in the rearview mirror. I just rolled my eyes. "That's why I don't want to have a boyfriend. They are such a pain in the ass." Dee said nonchalantly.

"I thought you and Joey are gonna hook up?" Paul asked.

"Am not! Come on, you know me. I like to flirt but that's gonna end there and I'm not yet crazy to date a popstar." She said and looked at me. I glared at her.

"So I'm crazy?" I asked.

"Yes you are." Paul answered. Dee just smiled. I can't believe my two siblings are cornering me. Just great!

"It's always the middle child." I mumbled to myself as I crossed my arms and gazed outside with a pout in my face.

"Stop being so childish." Dee said. I just looked at her and stuck out my tongue. She just rolled her eyes.

After a few more minutes of silence -- I didn't speak again -- we parked in the vast parking space of a mall. The engine's roar died down and we all stepped out of the car still unaware of our purpose. "So what now?" I said and leaned on the side of the car as I wait for any reply from the two.

"Let's just walk a few." Paul suggested and that's what we did. We walked to the entrance of the mall and the cool air-conditioned air met us. All we did was walk. We didn't even talk in the beginning. I eyed on some stuff that I would buy but I didn't enter any store while I'm with my siblings. "This is getting crazy." Paul broke the silence. I looked at him and so did my sister.

"I am crazy." I said sarcastically reminding them of their statement earlier.

"Grow up Kyle." Dee hissed. "I'm fed up okay! I've been stressed out since early morning and I don't want you two to add up to that stress. We went here to relax and talk some things out like brothers and sisters should do." It was one of her rare moments. She was acting like the eldest among us.

"What do you want to talk about then?" I asked.

"How about purging your minds with your boyfriends by telling me all the juicy details." She said with a maniacal smile. I don't know how she does it but she just turned from eldest to youngest. Serious to immature. I guess I know from whom I inherited this craziness.

"I told you I'm not in the mood in talking about that again." I said. Dee looked at Paul.

"If he's not talking about Josh then I'm not talking about Wade too." Paul answered stubbornly.

"Paul, what's Kyle's problem then?" Dee inquired.

"He was offered a job in Zomba, you know the record company of NSYNC but he discovers that he didn't get the job because he's one heck of a computer whiz. Instead, he was suggested by Josh." Paul replied. Then, Dee looked at me.

"Paul feels that Wade is neglecting him and Wade is spending too much time with Justin." I said blandly.

"See, that's not that hard." She commented. "I think you know what you'll do." She said.

"Yeah." Paul and I said at the same time. Everything just boils down to talking with each other. And I'm really trying to gather myself before I talk with JC. I don't know how to break it to him that I know. But I think the hardest part is how I'll deal with it? Should I be angry? Happy? Sad? What?!

Dee stopped walking and pointed her finger somewhere. "Oooooh! I like that dress!" She squealed and run to the store she found it. Paul and I just looked at each other and shook our head. And they say that I am crazy... yeah, right.

Dee did buy the dress and after that we decided to return home. I looked at my watch and it was 5:30. It was a lot of time to reach home before Dad arrives. The drive home was again plagued by silence. I was still in the backseat looking at the passing scenery thinking of one thought, Josh. I swear on my life that I am deeply in love with Josh. But what he did hurt me a little bit. I know that some people will say that I should be flattered and overjoyed because Josh loved me so much that he would look for a way to help me. But like I said before, it goes against my principles. I love the independence. That's why I'm living in my own house. If I want something, I have to work hard for that and not because of another person -- in this case, Josh.

I know that JC means so well but I still think he should have talked with me about it. I mean it's about my job, not his. "You're thinking too hard." Dee commented as she gazed at me through the rear mirror. "Just let it be spontaneous and everything will be fine. Just relax." She told me. "And that goes for you too Paul." She added looking at Paul.

"Me, thinking hard? That's his job." Paul pointed at me. I just rolled my eyes.

A few more minutes after her few words, we parked in front of our house. Dad's car wasn't there yet. The three of us entered the house somberly. Dee's advice was good but I can't help not to be in a contemplative mood. We sat on the couch. Dee took the remote and turned the TV on. It's MTV. And by an odd twist of fate, Pop was playing. Yeah, I have to really talk to him.

The front door opened and Dad entered. He looked at me and frowned a little bit. "Problem?" He asked.

"I'm fixing it later." I said with a smile. Dad placed his bag by the couch and we all marched to the dining room to have dinner.

Dinner was very uneventful. It seemed that my parents and Dee are the only ones animated enough to carry a conversation while eating. Paul and I remained quiet throughout except when we were asked. Dinner was done and all of us helped in cleaning up. It was a family thing for us and as much as I don't wanna admit it, I kinda miss this stuff.

Once everything was done, I was ready to leave. "I'm going home." I stated as I washed my hands. The others just looked at me. Mom and Dee smiled sympathetically knowing my situation and the impending conversation I'm gonna be having with Josh. Paul just nodded and walked away. I think he's gonna talk with Wade. Dad also nodded and I left the house with Pookie.

While I was driving, I just can't help think of the consequences that might happen. The worst is that Josh would break up with me thinking that I'm an ungrateful bastard and he's gonna hate me for the rest of his life. Well, that's the worst that I can think off. But I'm still trying to be optimistic with everything. I do hope that he's gonna understand what I'm gonna say to him.

I opened the front door of my house and noticed how barren the house was. It was just so empty and so silent. I sighed and walked to the answering machine to check if I have any messages. The light wasn't blinking. There's none for me. I looked at my watch and it was still a little bit early and Josh has a concert today. I guess I have to wait.

I plopped myself to the couch and turned the TV on. I have to burn time while JC does his thing in front of countless of teenage girls declaring their undying love to him. All I can do is sigh as I surfed for a nice show. I looked at my watch and it read 8:00pm. It's gonna be a long night.

After a few minutes of just looking through the channels, I shut off the television and thought of something to do. An idea popped in my mind and I grinned with the thought. "Ken." I took the phone from its cradle and dialed Ken's number. It rang once. Twice. Thrice and I heard a click.

"It's Ken here! I'm not home at the moment or I just don't wanna talk to anyone. Either way, just leave a message after a beep! Bye" The pre-recorded voice of Ken said. I guess he has a date or something. What can I expect? I'm talking about Ken here!

"Hi Ken! It's Kyle here. Just wanna say hi and everything. I guess you're with someone right now. Talk to you soon, okay? Love you!" I said and ended the call. Again, I gazed at my watch. It was just 8:15pm.

I walked to my room and turned on my computer. I guess I'll be just surfing the net or chatting somewhere. Once everything was loaded, I clicked on Outlook so it could download all my mails. I also opened Internet Explorer and just surf while I wait for my mail to be downloaded and sorted. I typed in the Nifty Archives address and looked into the list of stories if my favorite stories have been updated. Well, they're updated.

I restored Outlook and it seemed that I only have a few. Around 10 or so. There were three forwards (I hate those) and the seven were just hi's and how are you's from my friends. "Better reply to those." I mumbled as I clicked on the reply button to start.

Once my mail was settled, I clicked on JC's Hitchhiker and started reading the chapters that I haven't read. Don't you just love that story?

I don't know how long I was reading coz my phone rang. I looked at the watch and it read 11:00pm. Wow, I've been reading for hours already. "Hello." I answered the phone.

"Hey, it's Josh!" JC said happily. I think he's still in his performance high. I don't know how these boys do it, I mean they work for hours since afternoon but they still manage to be hyper even after a tiresome concert.

"JC." I said a little bit bland. I didn't mean to say it in that way but I guess the thought of my dilemma entered my mind.

"You sound different. Is there something wrong?" He asked me. I could hear the concern in his voice already. I don't want him to worry about nothing but I even don't know if this issue is something to worry myself.

"Can we talk?" I told him.

"We just got off from the stage. I'll call you back again once we reach the bus. We're traveling by bus tonight coz we have to be in Sacramento tomorrow where we are gonna have a concert. And the crowd there is really great but I'm not implying that the crowd here is not great coz they're great too." JC was already babbling.

"Hey Jayce." I interrupted him.

"What babe?" JC asked in a dreamlike tone.

"You clean up now and when you're in the bus, call me okay?" I told him and hung up. I breathed in trying to compose myself. Sometimes, JC is just so, um, weird I guess. But I am hopelessly in love with him. I just have to learn to live with it and eventually, love it.

I laid on the bed and stared at the ceiling. My thoughts were swimming around and they were just scattered. Nothing concrete. Nothing. All just bunch of stuff swimming. And I have to compose all of those before JC calls back later on. I do have to tell him the bad news that I'm not accepting the job and probably a lecture that I don't want what he did. I know that he did out of love and everything, but like I mentioned for the nth time, it's against my principles. I sighed. That's the only think I can do and wait for the phone to ring.

It seemed so quiet in the room. I could hear the sound that a clock makes. You know, the tik tok sound. The phone rang.

-------------------- End of Chapter

Hey everyone. I know that this is long overdued but school has been taking up all of my time. I have no time for myself! School is such a big big pressure for me these term and I don't know why. I'm hoping everything would die down soon. I hope.

Well, that's Chapter 17 and I know that there's nothing much going on. More talks and everything but the JC and Kyle talk will be in the next chapter. I'm still thinking hard about that one on how I'll deliver that. Plus, I'm writing my other stories so, damn, too much going on in my life!

Thanks to ALL of you who have taken the time and MAILED me! I truly appreciate it very much. A big, big shout to my Danish pals, Chris and Danny, I hope you always be in love forever coz you compliment each other perfectly. You two are made for each other! :-)

PLEASE!!!! Send me feedbacks... I'm a feedback addict! I so love those feedbacks. Short, long, good or bad, or just whatever... drop me a line okay? I also have most of the IM programs out there and I'm usually on, hopefully you can catch me.

AIM : pseud0ry Yahoo! : yr_ry MSN : yr_ry_@hotmail.com ICQ : 156360427

Also, I'm usually in the boyband chatroom.

NEW Addie is: yr_ry_@hotmail.com

EMAIL me.

A big 'HI' to the people in the Nifty Boyband Chatroom and CRAZY!!! They are so nice, especially Wes, Dru, Bernie, CJ, Duckie, Strat, Clive, Jayson... and the list goes on. Wanna say hi to my friend Byron who have helped me with his support and his friendship! Stay strong in your relationship! Finally, a big big 'thank you' to David who maintains the Nifty archives, without him, we won't be reading any of the best slash fics in the world!

Also, here are my suggestions of other cool stories in the archive that influenced me in my craft.

NSYNC Stories.

• Jamie's Romance (Justin)

• Love Thru Chat (JC/Justin, Lance)

• Josh and Just (JC/Justin)

• Lance in Shining Armour (Lance)

• My New Life (Lance)

• Justin's Dark Angel (Justin)

• My Surprise Romance (Lance)

• Life with Justin (Justin)

• JC's Hitchhiker (JC)

• Jimmy Needs Assistance (Lance)

• Lance, JC and an Astral Fan (Lance/JC)

• Lance's Search (Lance/JC)

• Like the Rain (Justin)

• JC Dreams (JC)

• My Soulmate JC (JC)

• Sans Vous, Je Suis Rien (Justin)

• Chance Meeting (Justin)

• Needing You (Lance/Eminem)

• Thieves (Lance)

• Blind Revolution (Justin)

Backstreet Stories.

• Because I Love You (Brian/Nick)

• Double Take (Brian/Nick)

• Bad Boy B-Rok (Brian)

• Heir to the Darkness (Brian/Nick)

• Kevin and Dustin (Kevin)

• French Kiss Me (Brian)

• Millennium Love (Brian)

• Forever (Kevin)

• Get Another Boyfriend (Kevin)

• Heir to the Darkness (Nick/Brian)

• Insecurities (Nick)

• On the Streets (Kevin)

• Brian and Tommy (Brian)

Crossover Stories.

• Brian and Justin (Brian/Justin)

• The One (Brian/Justin)

• Living (Almost all of NSYNC, BSB and 98') --> found in www.matthewtime.com