What I See

Disclaimer

If you are under 18 or not of legal age in your country, please do not read on. If you couldn't accept themes of homosexuality and the like, please don't read on. This is a story concerning gay males having intimate relationships and is considered FOR ADULTS ONLY due to its sexual theme and contents. BUT if you really like this stuff, please don't tell others.

Everything in this story is purely FICTIONAL. Or in simpler terms, it's not true!!! Even if this story involves NSYNC, a real, successful American singing group, and a fictitious character, all that happens in here is fictional... again, it's not true. If there are instances that it is similar to what happened in the real world, it doesn't mean that it's really true. I don't know anything about their sexuality, as far as the I and the world know, they're straight as an arrow so I dunno if they're gay (but I do have my speculations) or not but I wrote this out of freedom of speech and my love for these guys and slash fiction. I don't own or know NSYNC personally. AGAIN, it's NOT TRUE!!! but don't we all hope that it's true... hehehehe...

First Words

Hi guys. This is my 3rd work here in the boyband section of the Nifty Archives. I dunno why I called it "What I See" but I just ran out of ideas for a title and thought of something simple. So the title, What I See was born giggle. I dunno if I can manage my 3 stories at the same time but Crossed Paths is in its "season break" and Reformation is still there. But I'll really try my best to update all my stories. Remember, I love feedbacks.

Mail me at my NEW Addie at yr_ry_@hotmail.com

What I See Chapter 18

It rang once. Twice. Thrice. I guess I have to answer this call now and get this over with. "Hey Jayce." I said once I picked up the handset knowing that it has to be JC that was calling me since I told him to call me after his thing.

"Hi baby." Josh cooed. I could feel my heart fluttering. I love it when Josh becomes lovey dovey and all that sappy shit with me. It just makes me feel that I'm really loved. "How are you?" He asked. He was now subdued compared a while ago and I like to talking to this type of Josh. But I can still picture him smiling because of how he was talking.

"A little tired." I answered truthfully. I know that I didn't do much today but I guess everything reached a point of being too much. Or maybe it's the emotional roller coaster.

"Oh yeah. You met with the Jive guy today, right?" He inquired. Like he didn't know? I thought to my self.

"Yeah, I did but I don't think I'm gonna take the job." I tried to make it as nonchalant as possible but I know that it wouldn't end there. This is gonna be intense. Well, I do hope that it's not.

"You didn't take the job!" JC exclaimed.

"Yeah, I'll call Mr. Reily tomorrow to tell him about that." I said.

"Why didn't you take the job? I mean it's a great opportunity for you! And it has a nice pay too." Why do I get the feeling that JC's convincing me to join? Yeah, he set me up for the job.

"Well, let's just say that I didn't get the job on my own. Got my drift?" I was putting a little edge on my tone already but not to the point that I'm being angry with him. It was just to let him know that I know about it already.

"Oh." JC said a little bit surprised.

"Yeah, oh." I told him. "Why?" I asked.

JC remained silent for a few seconds. "Well, I just want to help and I want us to be together." JC replied softly. "I know that I told you that we can do this but I just can't. It's too tough to me already. I can't concentrate in the rehearsals and Wade has been bothering me too coz he said that I perform like shit. I just miss you." Josh told me.

"Josh, I miss you too and it's tough for me too. It's not just you in this relationship but we're in this relationship together. I know how you're feeling because I feel that too but this isn't the answer. You know that this is unfair to me and to both of us." I said.

"Why is it unfair? We're gonna be together and that's gonna solve everything." JC tried to be stubborn. But well, he just faced an equally stubborn guy.

"It won't solve anything. Yeah, we are together but I won't be truly happy because I'll always feel that I got this job because of you and not because I'm fucking great in what I do. And I don't want our relationship to crumble because of that. I love you too much to put our relationship to that test. I'll rather stay here and not see you but I'll feel whole with what we have." I explained.

"I understand." JC told me but this is just so surprising of him. Josh, crumbling at once? "I guess I'll just see you soon." He told me dejectedly.

"Soon. And everyday that will be shorter." I said trying to be optimistic about it. "Josh, please don't feel bad about this." I added since I was getting a certain vibe from Josh already. I know that he's not happy about this but I just can't do it.

"Too late about that." He mumbled softly but I still heard it.

"Josh." I started a little warily.

"I know you're mad about it but I'm pissed too and I have the right to be pissed too." JC told me. "This is the only solution that I can only think for us to be together because I really love you and I can't bear not to be with you. I mean this is my first relationship and I don't know what I should do and this is the only thing that I think is the best and you just put it aside like you don't even want to see me."

"JC, when I accept this job that you're gonna give me, I'll practically lose everything. I'll lose my integrity as a person because this is just against the principles that I live by and eventually, I'll lose myself. What if something happens with our relationship and I'm working for you Josh. I know that's gonna end bad." I tried to explain once more.

"Nothing will happen with our relationship. Our love is too strong for something to just break it up." JC reasoned out.

"Josh, you can't say that. We just had our first fight a few days back and that was pretty bad. And I know that we're gonna fight again with this matter." I was already loosing my cool and I was trying to make him feel that with my tone.

"Because you wanna fight about it!" Josh said exasperatedly. "Why don't you just take the fuckin' job and move on."

"You know why." I told him simply.

"Because of your fuckin' principles." Josh said sarcastically. "Fuck the principles and just concentrate on our relationship. I need you here."

"Please don't be selfish, Josh. I can't do it." I was already sorta pleading with him.

"Me? Selfish?" JC's voice was rising now. Uh-oh. I don't like this. "You're the one who's selfish! You only care about your feelings and your ethics."

"Fuck you Josh!" I shouted. "You're the one who's selfish! You've been telling me that you need me coz you can't do whatever shit you do there. I'm not your personal entertainer that will make you happy to keep everything good. I have a life here and I don't intend to give up my whole life here just to tour with you across the country!" I screamed. I have lost all my patience but JC seems to be looking for it because he's just so so stubborn.

"You know what Kyle? Don't take the fuckin' job." JC hissed and hung up the phone. I gripped the handset of the phone and I have this gnawing feeling to throw it because of the frustrations I was feeling.

"I won't." I said and just placed it on the counter. I pulled myself from the bed and walked out of the room with a feeling numbness and emptiness. "I am right." I told myself. The silence in my house was just so thick and Pookie wasn't making a noise too. I wonder where she is at the moment?

I walked downstairs and laid down on the sofa. "Pookie." I called. After a few seconds, Pookie came running to my direction and jumped on me. I turned the television on and watched one of those sappy dramas while caressing Pookie thinking that it's actually Josh.

When I regained my consciousness, it was already morning and I have a bloody back ache. Pookie was no longer on my chest. I sat up on the couch and scratched my head trying to stifle a yawn. I looked at the watch. It read 8:00am. "Better talk to Matt." I mumbled as I stood up and walked to the kitchen to fix some breakfast for my dog and myself as well.

I was in no mood to do many things because of last night so I just went with the easiest one, cereal. Thank God I have those. Sited on the chair and ready to eat, Pookie decided to make her presence known with her high pitched barks. The dog comes first. I picked her up and opened my backdoor so she can do her business outside. I left the door open so when she decided that she wants to come back I don't have to stand up again to open the door.

Breakfast was quick. Well, what do you expect with eating cereal, right? Once I was done, Pookie returned and walked to me. I picked her up and gave her some of her dog food on the table. She ate lavishly... so crude but it was so innocent. She has no problems and worries. I wish I was a dog sometimes.

Pookie's barks interrupted my little reverie. I placed her down on the floor and she scuttled away to another part of the house. I placed the used plates, including Pookie's, on the sink. I'll just clean them later on. I walked to my room to start my day. Well, I know that this won't one of the best because of last night. I could feel my eyes watering again. "I won't cry." I said to myself and entered the bathroom.

I stripped down and turned the knobs of the shower adjusting the temperature of the water coming from the showerhead. Once I got the proper temperature, I let the warm water wash away the dirt and the loneliness I was feeling. I leaned against the wall behind me and just stared at the water coming from the showerhead.

Again, my eyes watered but now, tears flowed up my eyes and I collapsed down letting the water flow. Embracing my knees, I kept replaying what Josh and I talked about last night. Am I really selfish? Is Josh right about everything? Can I really sacrifice my whole self to Josh? I can't.

I pulled myself from the tiled floor and shut off the water feeling the warm water becoming cold. Grabbing the towel by the counter, I dried myself still feeling a little numb from my crying a while ago. Everything after that seems to be so mechanical to me like I didn't think about what I was doing. The next thing I know that I was dressed and going to my car. It was the time that I just stopped and wonder what on earth I should do.

Should I call JC and just tell him that I'm gonna accept the job? But I know that I am not gonna be happy there because I'm not gonna last for a long time coz of the guilt feeling. So, I guess I just have to go back to Matt and explain everything to him. I started the engine of the car and drove to the office to finally talk to him and settle this once and for all.

Traffic wasn't bad on this day so I arrived in the office quicker than usual. I walked inside and spotted Will looking at me quizzically. "Why are you here?" He asked me.

"I work here dumbass!" I retorted with a chuckle.

"Duh!" He said and rolled his eyes. "Seriously, now." He added.

"I didn't take the job." I told him simply. "Hey, I'll spill more later but I have to talk to Matt about this." He nodded and I walked to Matt's office. I knocked at the door and I heard him say, "Come in," I walked inside and when he saw me, the reaction of Will was same as his.

"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in Jive now?" He asked me.

"I can't take the job." I told Matt who just raised his eyebrow to me. "I know that it's a great opportunity and everything but I just learned that the project wasn't handed to us because we are really good but well, I have a friend in there and he kinda told them to hire us." I tried to explain without outing Josh.

"Is this your final decision?" Matt asked solemnly.

"Yeah. If you want, you can offer the job to others but I'm not taking it." I told him. I know that it's prolly hard for Matt to let go of the project because it's really a big one that would make us more known in the business.

"It's okay. Will you call Mr. Reily or will I do it?" He asked.

"I'll do it." I said quickly. "And how about my projects?" I asked him.

"Well, the others have started on yours but I'll look for something for you. For now, just relax a bit coz you look like shit." He told me.

"I'm just gonna be in my cubicle." I told him and exited his office. Walking back to my cubicle, my mind was moving as doubts plagued me. Is this really the right thing?

Once I reached my cubicle, I took out Mr. Reily's number and dialed it. "Jive Records." A girl answered. I think it's Donna.

"Can I please talk with Mr. Reily?" I said politely.

"Kyle!" Yeah, it's Donna. "So, I guess you're backing out?" She asked.

"Yeah. Josh and I had a talk and it really was bad. I wish I can tell more but well, um..." I trailed off.

"I understand." Donna said. "I'm gonna connect you to Mr. Reily now." She said and I was placed on hold.

After a few seconds, it was picked up. "Reily here." He answered.

"Mr. Reily, this is Kyle Sanders. I just wanna inform you that I'm not taking the job." I told him.

"Yeah, I was informed about it." Mr. Reily told me. He knows already? So, Josh has told him about this.

"But there are others in our team here who's far better than me. I just can't take it because of personal reasons. I know it sounded so unprofessional, but I hope you understand." I tried to explain my part without the added strings that will pull Josh's. It's just me here. No JC.

"I see. I'll just call Matt if something comes up, okay? Thanks again." He told me and hung up. I placed the handset back to its cradle and sat on my chair. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and rubbed my temples. I know that I was so close to my breaking point already.

I know that this was gonna be a slow day. I have nothing to do but just stay in my cubicle and wait til 4pm. God, that's boring and so bad for me. I know that all I'm gonna think about is my relationship with Josh. Wait, do I still have a relationship with JC? Did we just broke up last night as well when he hung up the phone?

Again, my tears were threatening to spill and I just laid my head on the table as I closed my eyes trying to forget that I did speak with JC last night. I don't know how long I stayed there but the next thing I felt was a person nudging me. I raised my head and saw Will behind me. "It's lunch time." He told me.

"Thanks." I said rubbing my eyes.

"Aaaaaw, you just look like a kid." Will chuckled. I smiled on that. I do wish that I am a kid right now. Now worries and so innocent.

"Where are we eating?" I asked as I stood up from my chair and stretched a little bit.

"I'm thinking Italian." Will's face scrunched up like he's really thinking hard about it. I nodded and we exited the office. "Your car or mine?" He asked.

"Let's take yours." I told him and we drove off to Martin's, a nice Italian restaurant near the office. We settled in a comfortable silence while he drove us to the restaurant. I wasn't into a chatty mood especially that I'm still a little bit off because of last night.

He parked his car in the parking lot and we walked in finding Carrie, standing in her usual place. "Hi Carrie." Will greeted and when she looked up, she smiled at us.

"Will and Kyle! It's so nice to see you both. It's been like a week since I've seen you." She told us and hugged us.

"Work was a bitch." I told her.

"I know what you mean, hun." She replied. "Your usual table is open so you can use that." She told us.

"Thanks." We answered and walked to our 'usual table'. Well, the usual table was placed near the wall and it's really secluded from others. We love to use that table because there's an air of privacy there not like with some others were they're placed near to each other.

Once we're settled down, a maître d' walked to us to take our orders. I looked up and I think he's new here because his face wasn't familiar. "Can I help you, sirs?" He inquired us. He didn't really look bad. Blond hair, blue eyes and I think a swimmer build inside his uniform.

"Just carbonara and iced tea for me." I told him without looking at the menu. Well, that's the only thing I eat here most of the time. And I'm not in the mood to be picky about it.

"I like the puttanesca and a coke for me." Will told him and he walked away still scribbling on his little booklet. Once he was not in earshot, Will looked at me with wonder. "Now tell me, why didn't you take the job?" He asked.

I sighed. Why do have I tell everyone about this? "I got my job because my boyfriend told Jive to give me the job. He's kinda important there." I briefly explained.

"So?" He asked me with confusion.

"I got the job because he gave it not because I'm good at what I do." I answered.

"Um, so?" Will said again. "Kyle, I think you should be grateful that your boyfriend did it." He told me.

"That's not the point. It's just against all my principles if I took the job. I mean I got the job because he's big there and not because they found a site that I made and thought that it was the best thing they've seen." I told him.

"Man, you're stubborn." Will said exasperated. "So, I guess you gave your boyfriend a piece of your mind." He said.

"Yeah. It didn't really go well." I said solemnly. The maitre' d returned with our meal and placed it in front of us. "I think we're not together anymore." I said once the maitre' d left.

"I know that you'll settle this. You always do." He said trying to bring my hopes up but I don't know this time.

-------------------- End of Chapter

Finally, I finished chapter 18! I dunno if this was anticlimactic because I did left a cliffhanger last time with the conversation between JC and Kyle. Well, this is all that I can manage with school taking up most of my time these days.

Oh well! Anyway, I just love Nick Carter's HELP ME and it's my favorite song at the moment. I also heard Justin's LIKE I LOVE YOU but I still need to get used to it because I really am not liking it that much. It was like when I first heard Britney's I'm A Slave 4 U. Maybe after a few more listens and the video I'll like it. :-) Did you see the VMAs??? Justin's performance rocked! I mean, I love the choreography and everything! Maybe too Michael Jackson. Too bad NSYNC didn't win a thing.

Thanks to ALL of you who have taken the time and MAILED me! I truly appreciate it very much. It's really nice to know if there are people who are actually reading what I write. A big big shout out to Danny and Chris!

PLEASE!!!! Send me feedbacks... I'm a feedback addict! I so love those feedbacks. Short, long, good or bad, or just whatever... drop me a line okay? I also have most of the IM programs out there and I'm usually on, hopefully you can catch me.

AIM : pseud0ry Yahoo! : yr_ry MSN : yr_ry_@hotmail.com ICQ : 156360427

Also, I'm usually in the boyband chatroom.

NEW Addie is: yr_ry_@hotmail.com

EMAIL me.

A big 'HI' to the people in the Nifty Boyband Chatroom and CRAZY!!! They are so nice, especially Wes, Dru, Bernie, CJ, Duckie, Strat, Clive, Jayson... and the list goes on. Wanna say hi to my friend Byron who have helped me with his support and his friendship! Stay strong in your relationship! Finally, a big big 'thank you' to David who maintains the Nifty archives, without him, we won't be reading any of the best slash fics in the world!

Also, here are my suggestions of other cool stories in the archive that influenced me in my craft:

NSYNC Stories.

• Jamie's Romance (Justin)

• Love Thru Chat (JC/Justin, Lance)

• Josh and Just (JC/Justin)

• Lance in Shining Armour (Lance)

• My New Life (Lance)

• Justin's Dark Angel (Justin)

• My Surprise Romance (Lance)

• Life with Justin (Justin)

• JC's Hitchhiker (JC)

• Jimmy Needs Assistance (Lance)

• Lance, JC and an Astral Fan (Lance/JC)

• Lance's Search (Lance/JC)

• Like the Rain (Justin)

• JC Dreams (JC)

• My Soulmate JC (JC)

• Sans Vous, Je Suis Rien (Justin)

• Chance Meeting (Justin)

• Needing You (Lance/Eminem)

• Thieves (Lance)

• Blind Revolution (Justin)

Backstreet Stories.

• Because I Love You (Brian/Nick)

• Double Take (Brian/Nick)

• Bad Boy B-Rok (Brian)

• Heir to the Darkness (Brian/Nick)

• Kevin and Dustin (Kevin)

• French Kiss Me (Brian)

• Millennium Love (Brian)

• Forever (Kevin)

• Get Another Boyfriend (Kevin)

• Heir to the Darkness (Nick/Brian)

• Insecurities (Nick)

• On the Streets (Kevin)

• Brian and Tommy (Brian)

Crossover Stories.

• Brian and Justin (Brian/Justin)

• The One (Brian/Justin)

• Living (Almost all of NSYNC, BSB and 98') --> found in www.matthewtime.com