What I See

Disclaimer

If you are under 18 or not of legal age in your country, please do not read on. If you couldn't accept themes of homosexuality and the like, please don't read on. This is a story concerning gay males having intimate relationships and is considered FOR ADULTS ONLY due to its sexual theme and contents. BUT if you really like this stuff, please don't tell others.

Everything in this story is purely FICTIONAL. Or in simpler terms, it's not true!!! Even if this story involves NSYNC, a real, successful American singing group, and a fictitious character, all that happens in here is fictional... again, it's not true. If there are instances that it is similar to what happened in the real world, it doesn't mean that it's really true. I don't know anything about their sexuality, as far as the I and the world know, they're straight as an arrow so I dunno if they're gay (but I do have my speculations) or not but I wrote this out of freedom of speech and my love for these guys and slash fiction. I don't own or know NSYNC personally. AGAIN, it's NOT TRUE!!! but don't we all hope that it's true... hehehehe...

First Words

Hi guys. This is my 3rd work here in the boyband section of the Nifty Archives. I dunno why I called it "What I See" but I just ran out of ideas for a title and thought of something simple. So the title, What I See was born giggle. I dunno if I can manage my 3 stories at the same time but Crossed Paths is in its "season break" and Reformation is still there. But I'll really try my best to update all my stories. Remember, I love feedbacks.

Mail me at my NEW Addie at yr_ry_@hotmail.com

What I See Chapter 20

Agatha and I continued to talk as our trip to California went on. It would have been a very boring ride but Agatha made it very good for me. She continued to tell me stories about her first, second and last husband and I can't help not to smile, laugh or frown with her stories. I can picture myself in her age telling my own stories to others. I just hope that it's just about Josh and not a second, third or so on.

"Please fasten your seatbelts as we begin our descent to San Francisco, California." The voice of the perky flight stewardess voiced out. That interrupted my own story about my two siblings.

"Time flies so fast." Agatha noted as a frown formed on her face.

"I know." I told her with a smile. "I think it's the one of the best days that I had after my fight with Josh and that's thanks to you." I said to her.

"Sweetie, I didn't do anything. I just don't wanna be trapped in this flying bird that can crash any minute with nothing to do." She laughed. "And I think that you really need it. Kyle, brighten up coz you look much cuter with a real smile." She said that made me blush. I'm not that good with compliments.

The landing was a little less turbulent than usual and thank God we're still alive when we stopped to a halt. I guess I'm still a little nervous with flying. I mean, if it crashes, you automatically die. And that gives me the creeps. "I guess this is it." I told Agatha who just smiled at me.

She touched my hand. "Kyle, love is the most wonderful thing in the world. Treasure it." She told me. She stood up and walked ahead leaving me at the seat. I filed out of the seat as well and followed suit still thinking about JC and my relationship with him, or the lack of it at the moment. One way or another, we will be together again.

I walked to the baggage area to claim my bags and finally get the hell out of the place. This place is just filled with people that makes me claustrophobic.

Will Ken fetch me? I hope he does because I have no idea where his house is. I know his address but I haven't been to his house ever. With my bag slung at my shoulder I walked to the waiting area for Ken.

Well, I didn't wait for a long time or to look for someone because I saw a big poster saying, 'Kylie -- not Minogue -- I'm here!' Ken is the only one who would do such thing and that made me smile. It's like the good old days. Geez, I feel so old. I walked to the direction of the poster. With a few jostling with the other waiting persons I was face to face with Ken. His straight blonde hair was a little bit longer which is styled the same way as Brad Pitt. And he's in pretty good condition.

"Oh my God!" Ken exclaimed as our eyes met. "You look like shit!" He embraced me. That's Ken! He's really known for his bluntness and tactlessness. He doesn't really think about what he says so whatever he felt saying, he'll say it with no inhibitions. I love and hate him because of that.

"How are you?" I asked as we broke our hug and inspected him further. He's still as handsome as before. We tried dating each other before but it really didn't work because we're so comfortable with each other as brothers and not as lovers. His blond hair was rugged like the singer of the Calling, Alex Band (who's cute!). I think he's more buff than the last time I saw him coz his muscles in his arms are really bulging and his attire was like something that I'll only think that Josh or Justin will be wearing. He was wearing a bright yellow tank top and a pair of snakeskin tight pants.

"God damn tired! Do you know that your brother forced me to fetch you here? He called me on an ungodly hour and disrupted my beauty sleep!" Ken emphasized his point with a few gestures with his hands. I know, he's a little campy. Well, it doesn't fit his physique but that's him. "Come on! The car is just parked out there and I wanna go home!" Ken pulled me as we passed through the crowd of people. There are a few curses that flew with Ken bumping and squeezing in the crowd. Ah, it's good to be with Ken once again.

Well, we got out of the airport unscathed (thank God). "You never change." I said shaking my head. He just flashed me his million-dollar grin that can always make a person swoon. It caught me before but I'm immune to it now.

"Why should I?" He said with a raised eyebrow. He opened the door by the passenger side and I went in. After a few seconds, Ken sat beside me seated at the driver's seat. "I have so many things to tell you." Ken said with a big grin plastered on his face. I, on the other hand was readying myself for this ride, this fast ride.

Ken is known for being not a good driver but he's able. I have no idea how he escapes the cops because of his driving or not being caught in an accident. He was speaking non-stop as he narrated to me his latest dates and I just concentrated on my breathing and my grasp at the seat. The last time I looked at the speed, it was already 100mph. "Are you listening to me, Kylie?" He asked me as he stared at me.

"Jesus! Look at the road." I exclaimed as I pointed at the road. He looked back to the road and he began speaking again. He's so loquacious. Thank God. He finally came to a screeching stop. I looked at the house that he parked in. Stunning. Well, Kenny has good taste especially when it comes to things that he owns. He won't settle with good, it has to be the best or to that effect.

"Welcome to my fabulous home!" He declared and we stepped out of the car. "I already prepared the room beside mine so you can just place your things there. Then, we have to catch up on things! There are just so many things that I have to tell you." Ken was hyper once again. I think he's one of the person who doesn't run out of energy. I wonder how long will he last with the NSYNC guys?

We entered Ken's house and I was awed with what I saw. It was like entering a new world. The interior design was spectacular with the furniture look extravagant. It has Ken's touch in it. "Kenny, your house is amazing." I complimented him.

"Thanks but I'm not really feeling it anymore. I think I'll change this and that in a few weeks time." He said nonchalantly as he pointed at some pieces of furniture. Well, that's another thing with Ken's personality. He has little attention span on things. I think this setup in his house was a month old already. So that means, it has expired already and he's satiated with it and needs a new one. Another reason, why he only has countless of dates and no committed relationships.

He gave me the tour of his house and I complimented him in every room that we entered. In my mind, I was taking notes so that I can improve my house as well. We ended in the guest room. "And this will be your lil home for your stay." Ken declared as he spun around the room.

"I just can't thank you enough." I said somberly trying to stifle my laughter.

"Hush hush! Kylie, we're the bestest friends in the world and it pains me that I couldn't take away the sadness away. I mean, you are like a brother to me and I want to lift this burden off of you but I can't. This is all that I can do. Offer you my house, which is like yours already and be with you." Ken held my hand as he talked to me seriously. It's seldom that one sees a serious side of Ken because he's always hyper and cheerful. So, when this comes out, treat it seriously.

I pulled him to a tight embrace. It's been so long since someone has embraced me who's outside of my immediate family. The last person was JC. "I love you." I whispered to his ear.

"And I love you too." Ken replied. We broke the embrace and looked at each other. There was a tear that streaked Ken's flawless face. I wiped it off and smiled. "Come on, let's do something fun." Ken pulled me off the bed where I was seating. "Maybe later we can go on cruising for some guys! There's this new bar that opened and I've been hearing good words about it."

"Kenny, I don't wanna cruise for guys." I told him.

"Kylie, forget about this Josh guy for a minute. It's his loss and not yours. There are lots of guys out there who would give anything just to be with you. I mean you're really one hot guy!" Ken noted.

"But I love him." I said softly.

"Does he love you?" Ken asked. I remained silent because I don't know the answer. "You're not even sure now. If he loves you, he would have flown to your house and talked this out and then have wild monkey sex." Ken said. "And speaking of wild monkey sex, I met this guy 3 nights ago who's just so hung! I think it's biggest dick I've ever seen in my whole queer life." I just rolled my eyes.

I looked at my watch and it read 4:00pm. It was later than I expected. "Kenny, can I use the phone? I have to call Paul to tell him that I'm still alive." I said.

"The phone is by the couch." Ken said as he dragged me down the flight of stairs. "I'll see what I can do for snacks." Ken left me by the phone as he walked to the kitchen. I dialed my home number at the house and waited for someone to answer.

"Hello." Paul answered.

"It's Kyle here." I said.

"I assume that you're there already in Ken's house." Paul said.

"Yeah." I answered. "So anything going on there that I should know?" I asked.

"Nothing here but if something comes up, I'll call you there." Paul told me. "I'm gonna hung up now. I was sleeping." Paul said and the next thing I heard was the dial tone of the phone. I placed the handset back to its cradle and walked to the kitchen and see what Ken was doing.

"What do you want?" He asked once I entered the kitchen.

"Anything." I answered.

"I have bread and peanut butter. Is that okay?" Ken asked. I nodded. "So tell me about this thing with Josh." Ken asked as he prepared the sandwiches.

"I thought Paul told you?" I queried.

"Sure he did but I wanna hear it from your mouth. You know your brother, sometimes he exaggerates stuff." Ken told me that was so true. Paul exaggerates sometimes especially when he wants to make a point or something. I sighed. I thought that I won't try to recall everything again but I'm gonna spill it all once more. So, I did. I told Ken everything that went on with my relationship with JC. Ken is my best friend and I trust him like a brother. So, I told him who JC really was. "He's an asshole!" Ken said once I finished. My face was stained with tears after my story. I guess it still has an effect with me. I still love him.

"Yeah, I love that asshole." I said as I placed my head on his chest as he caressed my head.

"Did you call him already?" Ken asked me.

"Why should I call him first?" I said looking at him. I caught him rolling his eyes. "Kenny, I wasn't at fault here. He was. And the last news I heard about him, he was partying."

"Kylie, you're still the same old stubborn fairy I remember." Ken said to me with a hint of playfulness but I know what he meant. "When you love someone, you swallow your pride. Maybe not your principles but you can live without pride. Sure, he's at fault here but does that mean that you can't call him first. Maybe he's scared to call you or something." Ken tried to reason out. I think he's the first one that actually made sense to me.

"You think?" I said hesitantly.

"I know. You're talking to Dr. Love here, hun." Ken told me. He grabbed the wireless phone on the counter and handed it to me. "Call him or I will. He's a great hot guy and I would surely want him to be my bedmate anytime."

I took the phone from his hands and looked at it. The numbers to Josh's phone seem to shine from the keypad taunting me to push them. Should I or shouldn't I? I eventually pressed all the numbers that comprised Josh's mobile phone number and placed the phone by my ear hearing it ring.

It rang once.

Twice.

Thrice. And I heard a click. "Hello." I heard JC's voice answer and I practically froze. God, I miss that voice.

"Josh?" I voiced weakly. Silence answered me. That's the time I began to panic a little bit. Josh wasn't reacting. "Josh, it's me Kyle." I said.

"I know." Josh answered me. I can't read his voice. I don't know if it was coldness or pain that I heard in that smooth voice. Ken was holding my hand and when I was beginning to lose heart, he squeezed it and offered me a smile mouthing, 'you can do it.'

"How are you?" I asked uncomfortably.

"Fine, I guess." JC replied. Why do I get the feeling that I'm unwanted at the moment? Maybe that is what he's feeling. Maybe he has moved on and I'm just the person stuck at the moment thinking that we're still madly in love with each other.

"That's nice to hear. I guess you're busy or something. Goodbye." I said hastily and ended the call immediately. I looked at Ken whose smile disappeared. The tears began to flow again and now it flowed out generously. This wasn't the conversation I expected. I dreamt that when we talk, we will fix this mess and we will live happily ever after. "He doesn't want me anymore." I cried. And that's my greatest fear.

I have no idea whatever happened to me after my episode. It seems lately that when I talk with JC, I end up not knowing anything going on with me afterwards.

I have no idea that it hurts this much. I think I can endure any physical pain that can be given to me but this one, I can't. So, this is what they called being heartbroken. I really don't want this feeling anymore. And the sad part is that I don't know how to make it go away.

I just stared at the ceiling of the guestroom. It was light blue. The same color that utterly reminds me of JC and his light blue eyes especially in the I Drive Myself Crazy video. When I see that video, I think I can just be lost just staring at his eyes. That's why my desktop wallpaper is that.

"Kylie?" Ken called as he slowly opened the closed door. I didn't budge. I just kept staring at the light blue ceiling. I could hear Ken's footsteps approach me but I don't know what to do. It's like I don't want to exist. I just want to disappear from the face of the planet and not be known again. The bed moved to where Ken sat. He caressed my head.

Touch. That seems so foreign to me. Skin touching skin. JC was always an affectionate person especially with me. We always end up touching each other and that's the most intimate times. We just lay down on the bed spooning each other just feeling each other's skin radiating heat -- love. "Are you alright?" Ken's voice broke my reverie. I don't want to answer but my eyes did as a lone tear escaped my right eye and cascaded down my cheeks. "Oh Kyle." Ken's voice was filled with sadness and pity. And that broke my heart more.

-------------------- End of Chapter

Chapter 20 already!

The nominations for the BBSA are now up! Please nominate your favorite authors and stories because the BBSA gives great opportunity for some authors to shine! :-) It's the perfect way of saying that "I read your story and it rocks!" So do nominate! LAST DAY is on OCT 15!

Thanks to ALL of you who have taken the time and MAILED me! I truly appreciate it very much. It's really nice to know if there are people who are actually reading what I write. A big big shout out to Danny and Chris!

PLEASE!!!! Send me feedbacks... I'm a feedback addict! I so love those feedbacks. Short, long, good or bad, or just whatever... drop me a line okay? I also have most of the IM programs out there and I'm usually on, hopefully you can catch me.

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A big 'HI' to the people in the Nifty Boyband Chatroom and CRAZY!!! They are so nice, especially Wes, Dru, Bernie, CJ, Duckie, Strat, Clive, Jayson... and the list goes on. Wanna say hi to my friend Byron who have helped me with his support and his friendship! Stay strong in your relationship! Finally, a big big 'thank you' to David who maintains the Nifty archives, without him, we won't be reading any of the best slash fics in the world!

Also, here are my suggestions of other cool stories in the archive that influenced me in my craft.

NSYNC Stories.

• Jamie's Romance (Justin)

• Love Thru Chat (JC/Justin, Lance)

• Josh and Just (JC/Justin)

• Lance in Shining Armour (Lance)

• My New Life (Lance)

• Justin's Dark Angel (Justin)

• My Surprise Romance (Lance)

• Life with Justin (Justin)

• JC's Hitchhiker (JC)

• Jimmy Needs Assistance (Lance)

• Lance, JC and an Astral Fan (Lance/JC)

• Lance's Search (Lance/JC)

• Like the Rain (Justin)

• JC Dreams (JC)

• My Soulmate JC (JC)

• Sans Vous, Je Suis Rien (Justin)

• Chance Meeting (Justin)

• Needing You (Lance/Eminem)

• Thieves (Lance)

• Blind Revolution (Justin)

Backstreet Stories.

• Because I Love You (Brian/Nick)

• Double Take (Brian/Nick)

• Bad Boy B-Rok (Brian)

• Heir to the Darkness (Brian/Nick)

• Kevin and Dustin (Kevin)

• French Kiss Me (Brian)

• Millennium Love (Brian)

• Forever (Kevin)

• Get Another Boyfriend (Kevin)

• Heir to the Darkness (Nick/Brian)

• Insecurities (Nick)

• On the Streets (Kevin)

• Brian and Tommy (Brian)

Crossover Stories.

• Brian and Justin (Brian/Justin)

• The One (Brian/Justin)

• Living (Almost all of NSYNC, BSB and 98') --> found in www.matthewtime.com