WHAT MAKES A FAMILY BY: Julien
This story is 100% fictional and is by no means depictive of the life of any person, place or thing. It contains sexual activities between males and should only be read if it is legal to do so in your area. Read at your own risk and enjoy. Comments are welcomed at juniorj009@gmail.com and would be very much appreciated. ENJOY!
This will be a short mini series of sort. Comments are always appreciated. Thanks. J.
NEIL
Wow...what a difference a year makes. I had a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that it had been a full year since he and I had split up. In all honesty, it had been the worst year of my life. Even worse than having David's mother run off, leaving me at 22 with a baby and no idea which direction my life was meant to go in. But I had survived that trauma and dammit, I would make it through this one too. If someone were to ask me six months ago if I imagined myself in this position, I would have told them to go take a flying leap off the Brooklyn Bridge but now, it wasn't so hard for me to picture rebuilding my life. Don't get me wrong, I had to go through hell and back to get to this point in my life. It took the love and support of my family and friends, namely David, my mother, Anna and of course Matt and Michelle. Not to mention some serious counseling and medication, but I had done it and I was still here, still alive, still breathing and still semi sane. And of course, the inevitable had happened and I was dating again. Matt's friend Tim and I had not hit it off at their party as he had hoped, but I had taken his number and we had spoken since then, usually about twice a week, in addition to going out for dinner or a movie once a week. Recently though, we had taken things to the next level and for the first time in a long time, I had had sex with someone other than him. The first time Tim and I had sex, it was rough, animalistic and raw. It was as if all my anger towards him was concentrated in this one act and boy oh boy, did we go at it. By the time it was all said and done, we both had the bruises to show for it. Now, our sex was less aggressive but still, it was far from being tender. Don't get me wrong, I liked Tim, I liked him a lot, but I was done. I had decided that I would never let another man get close enough to me to make me give all of myself. That was why Tim and I always had sex, never making love. I could sense that deep down, Tim wanted more. But this wasn't about Tim, this was about me. This was about doing what I had to, in order to keep my head above water. So call me selfish and self absorbed, I could care less. For once in my life, I was going to focus on me. Of course David was still my number one priority, but as far as my personal life was concerned, well, I was in going to be in charge. As all these thoughts ran through my head, I looked down at Tim as he slept beside me, naked. His skin was so smooth and unblemished, like the skin of a man that never had to do anything...dirty...dangerous...deep. His career as a psychiatrist meant that he spent his days sitting behind his desk, talking with patients, taking notes, dispensing medication. Not the most exciting of jobs but it afforded him many luxuries, luxuries that I now was able to partake in. Just last weekend, we had rented a house in the Hamptons, the ocean just a few feet away from the backdoor. And then there had been sailing...on a yacht and then massages on the beach. I mean things like that just didn't happen to me...ever. I worked at a state college in the city but I wasn't pulling in anything close to six figures like Tim was. And with the additional expenses of paying off student loans, raising a teenager, rent, electricity, car insurance, well...I had to pick and choose where to spend my money. And even with two incomes coming in at one point, we were barley making it. But I wouldn't allow myself to go down that road, not right now anyway. I just wanted to relish in this moment...with Tim. And as I reached my arm across his back and watched as he stirred so slightly, I couldn't help but compare the feel of his skin to that of him.
DAVID
I could tell dad was in a foul mood but for the life of me, I couldn't figure out why. This year had been one of the most difficult years of my life. With my parents splitting up, Deanna dumping me, getting ready to start a new school year....well, it was a lot to handle. And I for one was glad to see this damn year come to an end. The only thing worth looking forward to was my upcoming seventeenth birthday. Every year on my birthday, I usually got a group of my closest friends together and we would party it up. Last year, my dads took a group of us up the Poconos for the weekend where we swam, camped, hiked and had a kickin ass good time. Of course it was all chaperoned and at least one of them was with us the entire time. But still, it rocked! This year though, I didn't think that was going to work so well. First off, my dads hadn't been in the same room with each other since the debacle at Uncle Matt's get together. I don't know if they've spoken since then or not, but no doubt, if words had been exchanged, I'm almost positive it wasn't just to shoot the shit. Either way, this tension between them was fucking with me and I couldn't continue like this. I was stuck in the middle and I found myself more than once having to be the grown up and man, I hated that shit.
Back to the present though, my dad was in a foul mood and I didn't know why. I had snuck over here after working a full shift down at Stop and Shop supermarket. It had become my weekend ritual. I would take the train from Brooklyn into Manhattan, work a six-hour shift that ended at five and then take the train into Queens to spend the remainder of the evening with James. My dad thought that those late evenings were spent with Deana or one of my other friends and as much as I hated lying to him about my whereabouts, I knew it was much easier than telling him the truth.
I looked over at dad as he roughly tore lettuce and threw it into a bowl. This broke my train of thought and brought me back to the present.
"Dad, what's up?" I asked, not quite looking him in the eye. He stopped what he was doing for the moment and looked at me.
"What are you talking about kid?"
I took a deep breath before responding,
"You seem out of it, like something's on your mind. Wanna talk about it?"
For the first time all evening, he gave me something that resembled a smile.
"Oh, so you wanna be my shrink now? Turning seventeen and you wanna be the grown up now."
I know he meant it as a joke, but his comment hit a little bit too close to home. It somehow annoyed the shit out of me and I responded without thinking where my words would take me.
"Someone has to be the grown up around here."
There was no mistaking the seriousness or annoyance in my voice and it was as if the temperature in the room had chilled ten degrees. He stopped tearing the lettuce and let his hand hit the counter with a bang.
"There something you want to say to me David? Being the only grown up around here and all."
I began to tap my fingers against my leg, something I always did when the spotlight was on me. Shit, why did I have to open my fucking mouth. I had to think about what I wanted to say before I said it.
"I didn't mean that James, I'm sorry."
He closed his eyes for a quick second, offering me some respite from his glare, before opening them up again and glaring at me.
"You know I'm trying to do my best David. I know you know that. I know that this year has been hell for you and I'm sorry for that but what more do you want me to do kid? Tell me and I swear I'll do it. But don't stand there and make comments because this, this shit has been hard on all of us."
The veins in his jaw were pulsing, and I knew he was restraining himself, restraining his words, because of me. And for that, I was grateful.
"Dad, I'm an asshole for saying that, really. Shit, I just...I just want things to be...: I didn't finish my thought, I mean how could I with tears starting to stream down my face. James looked at me with the sort of look that a dog owner might have if his prized purebred dog had been hit by a car - a mixture of pity and sadness. He put down the lettuce and walked over to me, pulling me into his arms and holding me tight.
"I love you David, more than you can ever realize. I love you so much kid and I hate myself for putting you through this. I wish I could go back and fix things between your father and me. I wish I could put our family together again. I wish things could go back to a time when we were all happy."
He paused and I heard him sigh. He sounded so somber, so sad and it made me feel as if this situation was affecting him as deeply as it had and continued to affect me, a year later.
"But they can't David. I promised you the world but I don't know how to fix this David. I wish I did kid, but I don't think it's possible. I don't expect you to understand but I need for you to cut me some slack. I'm doing the best that I can."
And as he continued to hold me in his strong arms I managed to get out two words, in a strangled sob,
"I know."
JAMES
After David had left, I couldn't help but to allow myself a few moments to think about what had been. To think back to a time when we were all happy, David, myself, Neil. Believe it or not, there had been a time like that, a time when David and Neil had been my everything. When coming home had not been such a lonely experience, when I looked forward to five o clock so that I could shut down my computer and lock away my files. There had been a time, way back when, when my jimmy got hard just thinking about coming home to Neil, coming home to the man I had thought I would spend the rest of my life with. That time seemed so very long ago, almost as if it had been a figment of some made up dream. But that time had existed and it had been one of the happiest times of my life. I remember first meeting Neil, way back in 93'. My high school friend Matt was throwing a New Years Eve party just because. Back in the day, we bachelors had done that. Any excuse to take out the beer and invite a few females (well, males in my case). Matt hadn't met Michelle yet and he was like a squirrel just trying to find a nut, chatting up every eligible female in sight. Matt was a cool dude, always was and if truth be told, he was one of the few friends that I had kept after high school. In any event, I found myself at another one of his parties, amongst couples, casual sex partners and people just trying to get some just in time for the beginning of 1994. Being 34, I would be lying if I said that the thought of settling down hadn't crossed my mind more than once. The idea of sharing my life with another man was something that I wasn't too fond of in my early twenties and all during my time in the military. I was content with just hitting it and quitting it. But as I grew older, and thirty seemed a stones throw away, I begun to think that being in a relationship might not have been a bad bet. I mean that was the natural course of life, right? And besides, I wasn't getting any younger and I couldn't imagine myself being forty and still trolling the gay scene, looking for a hook up. But I swear that none of this was on my mind as I mingled with the different folks at Matt's party. As midnight drew closer, conversation got more lively and frisky fingers and roaming hands seemed to be the order of the day, not that I minded the show of course. But after a while, the groups broke off into couples and it seemed that everyone had someone to call their own, at least for that moment. I took my drink and stepped out unto Matt's balcony, closing the sliding door behind me. I couldn't have been out there for more than a few minutes, when I heard the door slide open, and turning, I saw a guy about 5'8, walk out. I hadn't bothered to turn on the light so I couldn't clearly make out any of his features except for his height. He closed the sliding door and sent a smile my way before heading over to the corner of the balcony and lighting up a cigarette.
"It's a mad house in there, isn't it. I swear the couple next to me was going to get down and dirty right beside me." His voice was rich and his words filled with humor, something that had me popping a woody right then and there.
I let out a laugh.
"Yeah, I know what you mean. Matt's parties tend to get a little bit wild, especially when there's alcohol involved. But hey, it's New Years Eve. What's a New Years Eve party without a little action." I looked over at him as my words came to a close, hoping he would get my subtle hint. And seeing him look at back at me with a smirk, I knew he had.
"Where's my manners. Hi, I'm Neil." He stated, walking up to me and holding out his hand.
I grasped it in mine and shook it before letting it fall.
"I'm James." I stated, staring him straight in the eye. I wanted to fuck this guy bad and I wanted to do it tonight. I didn't care if we spoke ever after this but at that moment, I didn't want to spend yet another New Years Eve alone.
To make a long story short, we spent the next few minutes exchanging stories about how we each met Matt and then I propositioned him right then and there.
"Listen, it's almost midnight and I'm not a guy that knows how to beat around the bush. You've got me so fucking hard right now, I feel as if I'm going to cum in my pants. What say we go somewhere and fuck and then we'll talk some more."
His response got me harder if that was even possible. He reached down and grabbed my cock and tugged...hard, before leaning into me and planting a sloppy kiss on my lips. Needless to say, we made it as far as Matt's upstairs guest bathroom before I pulled down his pants, hastily slapped on a condom, and fucked the shit out of him.
Not very romantic, considering where we ended up, but that was the start of something big. I didn't realize it at the time, but that impromptu meeting would shape the course of my life. Of course after the sex was over and we were both drained, we cleaned up in the bathroom and I took him out for breakfast for the start of 1994. Neil wasn't my usual type. He wasn't muscular, he wasn't cocky, he wasn't extremely tall and of course, he wasn't black. But there was something that I had found intensely attractive about him. He had a mouth that could display his emotional sign to a t, leaving no doubt how he was feeling at any given moment. His body wasn't half bad either, not that he had a six-pack or even a four pack for that matter. But he was lean and trim and it was obvious that he took care of himself. His eyes were a light shade of brown and his hair, cut close to his scalp, was a cross between ginger and red. All in all, the physicality that was him, I could deal with. But what attracted me the most to him was his personality. He spoke about his four-year-old son David as if he were the center of the universe. And I had to say, this had surprised me. Neil was 26 years old and already, he was responsible for someone other than himself. I remember being 26 and not having to give a fuck about anybody other then myself. Of course the Army had been different. I was in charge of a whole unit, but still, those were my soldiers, not my kids. They pretty much took care of themselves once our duty was done. But Neil, he was responsible for this life 24/7, no time to relax, no option to pass the buck - for him, his son was priority number one. And it was that unflinching devotion that I think reeled me in. Truth be told, everyone who knew Neil and I thought that I had cast some spell over him, making him fall head over heels in love with me, but truth be told, he was the one that worked his magic on me. After the first month of getting to know him, I knew I wouldn't be willing to let this man go. And of course, Matt had been surprised when I told him that Neil and I had hit it off.
"Neil...as in the short, white guy with the utterly adorable kid? That Neil?" his voice could hardly contain the strains of humor that threatened to burst through.
"Yeah, that Neil." His humor was infectious and It wasn't long before I burst out laughing.
He just stared at me and shook his head before emphatically stating, "Damn! Another one bites the dust!"
It was true though, a lot of our single friends were either getting married or pairing off into long term relationships leaving being a Bachelor, a dying art form.
"Shit man, I'm happy for you. Neil's a stand up guy and that kid of his, what an adorable thing. David will definitely give you a run for your money. But if that's what makes you happy, go for it man, we're not getting any younger."
And that had been it. Neil and I dated for about six months before he introduced me to his son, David. And within a year, we were living together. And just thinking that far back, I felt a deep sense of loss. Loss for a relationship that started out with so much promise, loss of David's innocence, for he had come to know heartache at the hands of his parents, and most of all, loss of my family, for there was no fixing this problem. And no amount of wanting and wishing things could be different, would change the outcome.
Comments for this and other stories are encouraged and appreciated and I do reply to all emails. My new email address is juniorj009@gmail.com
Thanks for reading. Other stories of mine include:
BEGINNINGS
December 3rd 2002 YO B
Dec 27 2002 heart-and-soul/
INTERACIAL
Nov 5 2004 story-of-us/
Jan 2 2003 to-sir-with-love/
Dec 27 2002 heart-and-soul/
MILITARY
Dec 21 2002 the-recruiter/
RELATIONSHIPS
Nov 5 2004 story-of-us/
Jun 6 2005 redemption/
BI RELATIONSHIPS
Dec 20 2002 graduation-day/