When I First Met Mike

When I First Met Mike - Part II

by ds elliot

This is the story of two men discovering each other. This story contains episodes of sexual abuse, physical abuse, and verbal abuse. While this is a story of discovery and understanding and compassion, the reader must live through the pain to get to that point.

All rights reserved. This story may not be distributed, sold, or linked to any other sites including pay sites without the express permission of the author.

Copyright 2004.

This story contains descriptions of sexual contact between two young men. This is a story of intimate sexual contact and discovery and well as forced sex and violence. If you are not of legal age in your area to read stories of this nature or if you are offended by stories of this nature, please navigate to another site and stop reading now.

I would appreciate your comments, suggestions, and constructive criticisms. You can contact the author at: dselliot28@yahoo.com

and now to continue the story...

Sunday dawned a sunny fall day. The leaves had mostly turned. From my bedroom window the air looked crisp. I could see still see frost on the balcony railing. I decided it would be a good day for a trip to the mountains. Mike wandered into the kitchen just as I started the coffee maker. I was still in my boxers. Mike wore the robe. We talked in the kitchen as we waited for the coffee to brew. While we waited I told Mike I'd like him to come with me on a drive to the mountains. There really was nothing for him to hang around town for so it didn't take much to convince him we'd have a great time. Coffee poured and his doctored, we both headed to our separate bathrooms to shower. Mike came to my room as I stepped out of the shower. He asked if it would be ok for him to wear the clothes I'd loaned him the day before. I told Mike they wouldn't be nearly warm enough and began rummaging through the dresser and closet to find suitable clothes for the trip. I pulled out long underwear for each of us as well as heavy socks. I was doing all of this naked while Mike still had on his robe. I didn't feel the least bit self conscious being naked in front of Mike. In fact it was just the opposite... I was very comfortable around him. I made a pile of clothes on my bed for Mike and another for me. When I had everything out for the two of us I began pulling on the heavy socks. Mike pulled off the robe and started doing the same. As we dressed I noticed that Mike would glance at me. I couldn't tell if he was checking out my body or just watching what I was doing. I didn't say anything because it didn't make me feel awkward at all. I also didn't really look at him. It felt to me like I'd be invading his privacy if I did. That in itself is a little unusual for me. I tend to be the guy in the locker room who wants to be as far away from others as possible. This actually felt good... not in a sexual way... just good -- natural, normal...

We ate cold cereal before we left the house. I filled a thermos with hot coffee and added sugar and cream to it for Mike. I couldn't see him drinking his black, and I could easily pretend it was just some variation of a latte. Before we left I grabbed gloves, scarves, stocking hats, and a change of clothes just in case our clothes got too wet. It took nearly two hours to drive to the mountain lodge I had in mind, but it was a great drive through beautiful country. We encountered snow about five miles from our destination. The snow is beautiful when it's just falling. The flakes were huge as they floated from the sky. Once we parked we grabbed our gloves, hats, and scarves then headed out to explore. We found a place that was renting sleds. I rented one for each of us. We took the rope tow as far as we could up the mountain then raced back down. Mike won the first two races. I think he let me win the third. We were resting at the bottom of the slope when I threw a snowball at Mike. At first he looked hurt that I would do such a thing, but I laughed as I pelted him with another. That was all it took. Mike was faster than I at making and throwing the snowballs. He got the better of me, but it was all in good fun. We took a few more runs down the hill on the sleds before we headed to the lodge to warm up and eat. We had a great time laughing about the snowball fight. It was the first time Mike had laughed since we met. He smiled some -- perhaps a little more each day, but this was outright laughter. Oh... and he had a great laugh too... contagious, infectious, and spontaneous.

After lunch we played around in the snow until the snow started to fall much faster and heavier than it had been. It was nearing 4:00 in the afternoon anyway so it was a good time to head home. We talked about the day on the drive back. Mike said,

"I don't remember playing in the snow at the mountains before. It was fun. Thanks for bringing me along."

"I had fun too, and I'm glad you came with me. I wouldn't have had nearly as much fun alone."

"Yeah... me either."

The rest of the ride was uneventful though we did stop for dinner at what looked to be a quaint country diner about an hour from the city. We had the closest to a home cooked meal I've ever had in a restaurant. The food was very good -- so good I thought we should each have some apple pie ala mode before we left. I'd have gladly let Mike drive the rest of the way home, but he didn't know how to drive. I decided that I could teach him to do that if he stuck around. Once back at home we both changed out of the warm clothes into casual and more comfortable things. I turned on the stereo to some mellow jazz. Mike sighed as he sat down on the sofa. He didn't say too much until he recognized one of the songs. He said,

"I remember that song. It doesn't sound exactly the same, but it's familiar. Do you know the name of the song?"

"It's a remake of one of the Beatles songs. It's an old song. It was popular before we were born."

"I remember it better now. My mom played this song over and over. She liked their music. I haven't thought about her in a long time. That happens a lot to me... I'll see something or hear something and it triggers a memory. Usually it takes me a long time to place the memory and get it straight in my head. If you wouldn't have known the song, it would have bugged me until I figured it out."

"Do you ever wonder where your parents are now?"

"Not really. I never really knew my dad that I can remember. My mom never had anything good to say about him. She only talked about him when the support checks were late or didn't arrive. I remember getting a card from him at Christmas time, but that's about all. My mom chose her new husband over me. I don't suppose she ever really wanted me either. I think she was pretty young when I was born. I don't really know too much about either one of my parents really. Are your parents around? Do you see them very often?"

"Yes, my parents are around. They live a short way from here. I see them a few times a month usually. They like to keep tabs on me just to make sure I'm doing ok. They are nice people. I think you'll like them when you meet them."

"Why would I meet them?"

"Well, if you stay around -- and I hope that you will -- they will stop by or we'll go there for dinner eventually. I think you'll like them."

"Why would you want me to stay around?"

"I like you. This place is plenty big enough for both of us to live. You don't have to stay if you don't want to, but I hope you want to stay. I guess it kinda feels like we're brothers and friends. I'm the youngest of four kids -- way the youngest. I guess most people would say accident, but my parents always called me a pleasant surprise. I like having you here. I guess I've been lonely here. I just moved into this place about eight months ago. Before that I lived with my parents while I got my business established. I miss having someone around to talk with and do things with. It would help me out if you'd stay."

"What kind of business do you have? I don't even know what you do."

"I'm a dentist. Not very glamorous, but my practice is doing very well. I've been practicing for four years now. The last two have been great for me. The only other family practice dentist in the building retired and basically gave me his patients and some of his office staff. I was very lucky he was so generous. Most want to sell their practice when they retire, but he was having health problems and didn't want to have the added strain of selling his business. He also wanted the people who worked for him to be able to get good jobs so that was the arrangement we made. I'd hire his staff and get his clients for free."

"It sounds like a good job if you can afford all of this. You have a nice home. Everything looks new."

"It is mostly all new. The job pays me well, but I got help with getting this condo unit. My dad is a developer and this is one of the buildings he designed and built. I got a huge break on the price of the unit. I never could afford the place if I didn't get some help. My parents are like that. They've helped each of their kids get their first home and also helped them get established in business if they wanted. My dad and his company did the design and construction at my office. The loan I got from my dad helped me to get all the equipment and furnishings I needed to get started."

"Sounds like you had it made. You are very lucky."

"I have been lucky, but I work hard too. I always had to work. My parents believed that their kids needed to know the value of a dollar. I had to work after school when I wasn't involved with sports. I also had summer jobs and worked through college so I could help with the expenses. I also was expected to keep my grades up. It wasn't always easy, but I'm sure it was easier than most people have it."

"I haven't thought about school until now. I don't remember much about school. I wonder if I like it."

"You can always go to school if you want to. I'd be happy to help you do that. You haven't been in school for a long time so it would likely be hard at first, but I'm sure you'd do well. You seem like a pretty smart guy."

"How can you tell that? I don't even know what I know. I'm sure I went to school, but I don't know what I studied or if I was good at any of it."

"Maybe if we went to your old school that would trigger memories for you. Do you know what school you attended last? We could always go there to see what you remember and get your records from school. That would give you an idea of what you studied and how you did in school."

"It's a lot to think about... Adam, what happens when you get tired of me?"

"I'm not going to get tired of you. You will probably want to leave or get your own place before that could ever happen. Why would you think I'd get tired of you?

"Everyone seems to... my dad... my mom... the man who kidnapped me... that's about everyone I've ever really known."

"All I can say is that I'm not like them. If you give me a chance, you'll see that. I don't expect you will just believe me or trust me. I can really see why you wouldn't. All of the people you've encountered haven't been honest or trustworthy. Your experiences tell you to be leery of people and your instincts tell you not to trust anyone. Look what happened in the past when you did... your mom chose her husband over you and that animal enslaved you. I don't blame you for not believing me, but I can only tell you to give it some time so you can see that I'm not like them."

"I think it's too late... I know you mean well, but I don't think I'll ever be able to trust anyone again. I'm scared most of the time. When I wander the streets I'm always watching for anyone who might want to take me again. I don't think that will ever go away. It's awful to feel scared all the time. At night I have bad dreams. It's like I can't escape him... he'll always be there in my head. I always thought that if I could just get out of that basement everything would be fine, but it hasn't been like that. The worst part is that as many or more things trigger the bad memories. If I hear a chain rattle, I feel like I'm tied to something again, and I get a sick feeling in my stomach. If I hear shouting, I get freaked out because on some level I believe it is directed at me and painful punishment will follow. I keep the blinds open in the bedroom because I'm scared to be any place that is totally dark. Even in that great bed you've let me use I still feel like I'm chained to a mattress on the floor when the lights are out. There are so many times when I just freeze at whatever I'm doing. On some level it occurs to me that I haven't been given permission to do what I'm doing, and I stop. I break out in a cold sweat and sometime start to shake because in my head I believe the next thing that will happen is a beating. I feel like I have to ask before I do anything -- even the most basic things like using the bathroom -- because it is easier for me to take a piss if someone says it's ok first. I don't know if all of this shows every time it happens, but it feels like everyone is looking at me and wondering why I'm so screwed up. I like you a lot Adam. I think I trust you, but I don't really know. I never tell anyone what happened to me, but when you asked I didn't mind telling you. I didn't feel ashamed when I told you and usually I do. I told you more details than I've ever told anyone else. I think I did because I didn't read disgust in your eyes. You weren't judging me. Talking with you about it made me feel somehow better, but I don't know why. I told you I'm broken inside. Sometimes the fear is crippling. Sometimes it's so bad I can't function at all -- can't even move. A few times it's been so intense that I've peed myself. Why would you want someone like that around you? I don't think I can be fixed. I've been trying and I only see one answer."

"Oh, Mike... I didn't realize it was that bad. You should have told me before. I know what you think is best for you, but I don't want you to do that. I know you don't have any reason to trust me yet, but I want you to at least try to trust me. I know some people who can help you get through all of this. At least give me a chance to talk with them and introduce them to you. You make the choice about whether to try or not. I can't make everything you've been through go away. If I could, I would. What I can do is help you get access to the best people in this area so that we can all work to help you. Just please don't end your life now without giving me a chance to make your life better. You have to promise me that one thing. Nothing would hurt me worse than to know your dead."

"I don't know if there is a God. For the longest time in that basement as I prayed to him to let me die or find a way out, I didn't think there was a God. That last day when the leash wasn't actually fully locked to the wall I believed again. Since I've been away from him I've prayed again for help with these problems, but God didn't help. Each day some things got a little better while others only seemed to get worse. Maybe God sent you to feed me that night and bring me here. If God did that then I'd be a fool not to be grateful for his help, but I don't know what is real and what isn't anymore. What scares me most about staying is being told to leave and being alone again. I couldn't survive being alone again. You have been nicer to me than anyone ever has. You haven't lied to me or tried to trick me. You aren't mean to me. You have treated me like I'm the same as you -- not some piece of dirt or a dog. Most people treat homeless people like that, but you haven't. I don't know what you want from me. I offered you the only thing I really know how to do, and you declined. I don't know exactly what that tells me, but I felt good that you didn't want to use me. I felt good last night when you hugged me -- like I was safe and secure with you. I really do want to be here, but I'm afraid."

"You don't have to be afraid. I'll always be here for you... and if I'm not here, I'm only a short ways away. You'll always know how to reach me. I really do want you to stay. I want us to work at fixing your problems. I just want you to be happy again. You don't ever have to worry about being taken advantage of by me. I'm not a sexual predator. Like I told you, if something sexual happens between us it will be because we both want it to happen. If that doesn't happen, it's ok with me."

"That part of me is broken too. My dick doesn't get hard anymore... not even in the mornings. I haven't been hard since before those last few weeks in the basement. I don't know what happened, but he must have hurt me in that area when he was so brutal having sex with me or when he was beating me. You know I don't think I ever had sex before him. I've tried to remember, but nothing comes back. I remember once the man watched a porn movie while I was kneeling on the floor by his chair. The conversation between the people in the movie was gentle and sweet and the sex sounds were so happy sounding. I couldn't believe sex could be like that. For several weeks after hearing that movie I hoped the man would be kind and sweet and gentle just one time so I could see what sex was suppose to be like, but that never happened. Now I'll never know..."

"There could be several reasons you don't get erections. I know a wonderful doctor who can check you out completely. He can tell if the problem is physical or mental. I'm no expert, but I think the sadistic treatment you lived with on a daily basis was enough to cause you to mentally shut down that part of your body. I really do want to show you that not everyone is like him. Life is worth living, and it can be fun too if you just give me a chance."

"I know you aren't like him. I never thought that you were. I had a great time today. In fact I haven't felt bad since I've been with you. I will try to do what you want. I will stay. I really do what to get better... I just hope that I can. I think God really did send you to help me."

"I don't know if that is true or not, but if he did I'm damn glad that he did. This is gonna be great! I'm so happy you're staying!" I said as I pulled Mike into a hug. He snaked his arm behind my back and rested his head on my shoulder. I just held him since he didn't seem to be in a hurry to break the connection. I put my hand on his face after a few minutes. His cheeks were wet. Tears were running from his eyes. When I lifted his face to look in his eyes, he looked so child-like, so innocent, so trusting, and so happy. I kissed his forehead and held him as we listened to the soft music. We sat like that for a few hours until we both needed to use the bathroom. Mike asked,

"Can i use the bathroom?"

"Sure. In fact, I need to use it too, but you first." I said as we both got up to take a leak.

As I walked past the living room where Mike was once again seated on the sofa, I said,

"I'm a little hungry. How about you? Lets have a snack."

"You eat a lot. I can't remember eating so often. I'm not use to it. What are you going to have?"

"Let's see what's in the fridge."

Together we rummaged through the fridge pulling out some sliced meat, some sliced fruit I'd picked up at the store, some cheese, and milk. We made a small meal out of what we found. As we ate Mike said,

"I wonder if I'll gain weight?"

"You could use a few more pounds. When I first saw you I thought you looked skinny, but you seem to fill out my clothes pretty well."

"The pants are a little big on me I think, but I'm not use to having clothes that are the right size. You have really nice clothes."

"How about tomorrow after dinner we go to one of the department stores downtown and pick up some clothes that fit you. I never did ask how the shoes fit, but you probably need to have some your size too."

"Your shoes are a little tight, but the boots you let me use seemed to fit better."

"Yeah... the boots are about a size bigger than what I usually wear. I got them that way so I could wear two pairs of warm socks when I got to the mountain to play in the snow or go hiking. Well, we can get what you need tomorrow evening if that's ok with you."

"I don't want you to spend money on me. You've really done a lot already just by letting me stay here and feeding me. I can go to the goodwill or one of the missions to pick up some clothes."

"Don't be silly. We're going shopping. I'd like to get you some things that are your own. I can afford it so it's no big deal."

"What should I do while you're at work tomorrow? If I can borrow the warm clothes and that jacket I used today, I can just hang around outside until it's time for you to come home."

"You don't have to hang around outside. I'll give you keys to the door before I leave in the morning that way you can get back in if you decide to go out during the day. You probably won't want to be couped up inside all day. You are welcome to stay and watch tv or read or whatever you want to do. If you want, I'd like you to come to my office. I'd like to show you where I work. It's just a short walk. I'll write the address on a card for you. It's that silver blue glass building -- really easy to find. I'm on the 2nd floor. In fact let me write all of this down for you now so I don't forget. I'll put the phone number on too in case you want to call... you know if you have a question or anything. If I'm with a patient when you call, I'll get right back to you. If you come to see me before 1:00, we can have lunch at the deli. There is also food here so you can help yourself to whatever you want to eat. You don't have to get permission again to eat... just help yourself. If you want to cook anything that's fine too. There are pots and pans in the cupboard by the stove. Just help yourself."

"I don't think I know how to cook. That one hasn't come up before. Being in a kitchen is familiar, but I don't have any memories of cooking. I'd probably only make a mess. I'm sure I'll be fine. I've eaten enough since I've met you that I can wait until you get home to eat."

"I don't want you waiting that long. There is food here and you better eat. You need to put on a few pounds and not eating isn't healthy."

"You trust me to stay here alone?"

"I do. I worry that you'll be bored, but I trust you. If you were going to hurt me to steal from me, you'd have done it by now."

"I could never hurt you -- ever."

Together we tidied up the kitchen and put our plates and glasses in the sink. It was getting close to 11:00. Suddenly I realized how tired I was. I told Mike I was going to bed. I told him he could watch tv or listen to music until he was ready to sleep, but he said he was heading to bed too. We said good night to each other in the hallway before going into our own rooms.

It didn't seem like I'd been sleeping long when I heard noises coming from outside my room. I got up to investigate. Mike was having a nightmare. He was thrashing round on the bed saying 'no... please... no.. i didn't mean to... i couldn't help it... please don't... I'm sorry... I'll never do that again..." I turned on the hall light and entered Mike's room. I shook his shoulder until he woke up. He looked horrified when he first looked at me, but gradually relaxed as he recognized my face and voice. His arms were around my neck holding me tight. When he was calm he told me that he must have had a bad dream again. I asked Mike to sleep in my bed for the rest of the night. He nodded his assent and followed me to my room. When we both got into my bed I pulled his back to my chest and wrapped my arm over his chest. Mike sighed so softly before we both drifted back to sleep.

Mike was still in my arms when the alarm sounded. The night seemed far too short, but I felt rested and invigorated -- ready to face the day. I cuddled Mike into my arms for an additional five minutes before I climbed out of bed. As I did I whispered to Mike,

"You don't need to get up this early. Go back to sleep."

Mike smiled and burrowed back under the blankets as I headed to the bathroom to start the day. When I finished in the bathroom I walked to the closet to pick out clothes. As I pulled clothes from the dresser, I noticed Mike wasn't in the bed. When I finished dressing I walked into the kitchen to start coffee. Mike was sitting at the table with two mugs of steaming coffee. He said,

"I watched how you made coffee the other day. I hope I did it right."

I took a sip and smiled saying, "You did great!"

"You look very nice."

"Thanks! You still look a little tired. You really should get more sleep."

"I'm awake now. I'll be fine. Thank you for taking care of me last night. I had a bad dream. Usually I don't go back to sleep after I have them, but you made me feel safe. I slept good after that."

"I'm glad the dream didn't come back. You can sleep with me whenever you want. It was nice having someone to cuddle with. I think I slept better with you in the bed too. I can't remember the last time I actually slept with someone."

"I'm glad you were there last night. I feel like I cause you nothing but trouble."

"You aren't any trouble at all. I told you I like having you here. You're good company for me. I've been thinking that I probably need you more than you need me. I just didn't realize how lonely I was until you came to stay."

Mike had a questioning look on his face at my last statement, but he didn't say anything. I'd finished my first cup of coffee and was pouring a second for both of us. When I finished that I said,

"Well, it's about time for me to head to work. Will you be ok today?"

"I think so."

"Good! Remember... if you need anything at all don't hesitate to call the office or come by. I'd still like you to come for lunch today if you feel like it. I usually take my lunch break about 1:00 so come by around then."

"I will come to your office. I would like to see where you work."

I bent down and kissed Mike on the forehead. He smiled in return. I grabbed my coat and gloves and headed out the door as I said,

"Good bye, Mike. I'll see you at lunch. Help yourself to something for breakfast. Eat whatever you want. Oh... the house keys are on top of the paper with the phone number and address for the office. Do you need anything before I leave?"

"I think I'll be fine. You have a good day. I will be there at 1:00. Thanks Adam... Good bye!"

I walked to work thinking about Mike and hoping he'd be fine on his own. I didn't have much time to think about or worry about Mike that Monday morning. My first appointment was at 7:00 and she was in the chair and waiting when I arrived. I had at least two patients I was working on until noon. Time seemed to fly. When I finally had my first break I called my personal physician to make an appointment for Mike. I spoke directly with my doctor to explain a bit of Mike's situation without going into great detail. I was lucky to get an appointment for the following week on Wednesday afternoon. I'd be able to take Mike to the doctor since I took Wednesday afternoon off. I also checked my appointment calendar for this coming Saturday morning. Every other week I worked Saturday mornings. They were usually heavily booked with people who couldn't easily take time off from work for appointments, but decided that I would squeeze Mike in for a general check up and cleaning.

Mike arrived shortly before 1:00. I was finishing up my notes on the last patient as Karen showed him into my office. Mike stood near the door as if he was waiting for something. It dawned on me that he likely felt he needed permission to enter and sit so I said,

"Come on in and take a seat. I'll be finished in just a couple of minutes. If I don't write these notes as soon as a patient leaves I find that I tend to forget things."

"That's ok. I didn't mean to bother you. I guess I'm just early."

"You are right on time. It's not a bother at all. I got a little behind with one patient this morning or I'd be finished by now."

When I finished my notes I smiled at Mike who seemed a bit nervous as he waited. I said,

"Finally finished! Lets head downstairs to the deli. They have pretty good food. I'm starved. How about you?"

"I do feel hungry. I think that since I met you I'm starting to feel hungry more often. Before I usually only felt hungry when I hadn't had food for a long time, but today I felt hungry as I was walking here and I even ate breakfast."

"I'm glad you ate breakfast. I was worried you might not."

"Yes, I ate breakfast -- some cereal. I also washed the dishes in the sink. And I even took a shower. I struggled with that for about an hour, but I finally convinced myself that I could do it without asking you first. I almost called to ask, but I knew you already told me I could do anything I wanted. I felt really good when I got in the shower -- like I succeeded at something. It's hard to explain."

"I think I understand what you're saying... like you overcame a fear on your own."

"Yes, that's it. I was afraid to do something because I didn't have permission, but I was able to do it anyway."

Lunch was pleasant. As usual, Mike didn't have a clue what to order so I ordered for us both. We ate and talked about my practice a little and what Mike had done that morning and what he thought he might do that afternoon. He didn't want to wander around town but preferred to go back to the condo. He thought he might try reading a book or watching tv. He asked if he could play the stereo. I told him to do whatever he wanted. Mike smiled.

Shopping that evening was easy in some respects and hard in others. Mike couldn't or wouldn't express an opinion about what he liked or didn't like. He deferred to me in every case. Since I couldn't get much input from him, I selected things I knew he would need and tried to pick colors that complimented his complexion and coloring. Mike was blond with blue-gray eyes. By the time we finished shopping we had all of the basics plus a few other things. It wasn't cheap. Mike looked shocked as the clerk told me the total due. We were loaded down with shopping bags as we left the store. I think we were each carrying five full bags of clothes, shoes, belts, coats, etc. We stashed our bags in the trunk of my car then stopped to eat. My meals weren't on a typical schedule. It occurred to me that Mike likely was starving since he hadn't eaten since lunch. When I asked he told me he didn't need to eat if I wasn't going to. Sometimes it was hard for me when Mike deferred all decisions to me. I didn't get angry about it or even express any frustration over it, but I so wanted him to be able to tell me how he felt; what he wanted; what he needed; what he liked and didn't; when he was hungry or wasn't. It would take time. We were both young and had more time than anything else so I could wait as he gained that self confidence. All I could do is encourage him, support him, and help him to get there.

Back home we took the bags to Mike's room. I got scissors and started to remove tags from things as we sorted the purchases and decided where to put things in the dresser and closet. I tried to get Mike involved in the process, but he didn't seem to know what to do or where to begin. I told Mike to put his socks in one drawer and underwear in another, but he looked at me as he asked,

"What drawers should I use?"

"It really doesn't matter. You can pick any drawer you like... which ever one is easier or more convenient for you."

"Which drawer do you use for socks?"

I told what drawers I used for particular items. Mike placed his things in the same drawers in his dresser. The closet was a little easier because I hung shirts on hangers and tended to organize and separate things as I placed them in the closet. When we were finished, Mike said...

"All this cost a lot of money. I don't think I've ever seen that much money."

"Mike, these are all things you need. Don't look at the cost because that isn't really important. I liked buying these things for you."

"You must have to work a long time to pay for all of this. I didn't do anything to earn it. I don't deserve it."

"You do deserve these things. Sure I have to work to pay for them, but that's ok. One day you will have a job too when you're ready for that. I'm sure when you do you'll buy your own things. Today I can afford to buy them for you. More important than that is the fact that I wanted to buy them for you. I want you to have your own things because I think that will help you. In the morning when you get dressed you can come to the closet and dresser and pick what to wear without asking anyone. These are your things. No one else can tell you what to wear from now on because you get to decide."

Mike had tears in his eyes as he sat on the bed. I didn't know if I'd gone too far or what. I went to him and sat on the bed next to him and put my arm around his shoulder. Mike leaned into me as the tears continued to run down his cheeks. After a few moments he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tight. Mike said,

"Adam, you're so nice to me. I don't know how to respond. I can't remember. I don't think anyone was ever nice to me before."

Mike kissed me on the cheek as he continued to hold me tight. I ran my hand over his back as I comforted him saying,

"You deserve to be treated nice. You're a nice guy, Mike. You're polite and respectful and caring. Right now you are feeling emotions that are new to you -- feelings you haven't felt in a long time. I know it might be a little overwhelming at first, but you'll gradually adjust and get comfortable with your feelings. I like you a lot. I want to do nice things for you."

"I like you a lot too, Adam. I'm so glad you found me. Each night I thank God that he brought you to me."

I kissed Mike's forehead before I pulled him up from the bed. Arm in arm we walked to the kitchen to get something to drink. I poured each of us a glass of juice. The emotions Mike was feeling weren't quite as overpowering as they had been. The flow of tears had stopped. It was almost time for me to go to bed for the night. I had another early morning and a long day ahead. I told Mike that I was going to go to bed. I told him that he was welcome to watch tv or read or whatever if he wasn't tired yet, but he said,

"I'll just go to bed too... Adam? Do you think I could sleep with you again tonight?"

"Sure you can. I liked sleeping with you. It's nice to have someone to cuddle up with as I fall asleep. It's comforting to me."

"I felt comfortable too... and safe."

And so we headed off towards the bedrooms and bathrooms. Mike prepared for bed in his room while I did the same in mine. I was already in bed when Mike came into the room. He was wearing the bathrobe. Mike sat on the bed and turned off the light before taking the robe off and settling into the bed. I pulled him close to me and wrapped my arm around him. Mike sighed...

"Good night, Adam. Thank you for everything. I do appreciate everything you've done for me. I just wish I could tell you or show you how much."

"Mike, I see your appreciation in your smile. I felt it when you kissed my cheek."

"I don't remember kissing anyone because I wanted to before. I never felt like I wanted to until tonight. It felt nice to kiss you, and it makes me feel good when you kiss me. It makes me feel warm inside."

I pulled Mike closer and kissed his neck just behind his ear. Mike burrowed closer to me and signed again before we dosed off for the night.

We both woke when the alarm sounded. This morning went much like the previous one. Mike had coffee ready when I walked into the kitchen. I said,

"Mike, you don't have to get up just because I do. You really can sleep in. You don't have to make coffee either. I know you don't really like to drink coffee that much."

"I'm getting use to the taste of coffee. I'm starting to like it. I don't mind getting up when you do. I want to do something nice for you so I make coffee. It's about the only thing I really know how to do. Well... I mean I can do other things and I would if you wanted me to, but you already said that you didn't."

"Mike... you can do so much more than those things, you just haven't discovered them yet. You do make good coffee though, and I'm really glad that you're doing that. It takes a few minutes off my day and gives me more time to relax and enjoy it. How did you sleep last night?"

"Great! I didn't have one bad dream all night. I slept all night long. I don't feel tired at all."

"I'm glad. If you like you can sleep with me every night or at least until you don't feel like you need to anymore."

"I'd like that. Thanks! Do you have a busy day today?"

"About the same as yesterday. Would you like to join me for lunch? I'd like it if you would."

"I'd like that too. I miss you when you're gone. That probably sounds stupid or childish, but it's just nice to see you. Sometimes I feel like it's all a dream or something... a good dream though. When I see you I know that it's all real."

"Lunch will be at the same time so just come to the office whenever you want. If you get bored you can come early and wait in my office for me to finish working. That probably doesn't sound like too much fun, but well... if you're bored you can come earlier."

"Ok... I might go for a walk today since it isn't raining and the sun is out."

"That sounds good... get some fresh air." I reached into my wallet and took out some money as I handed it to Mike I said,

"I don't have a lot of cash on me, but you can take this to use if you see something you want to buy while you're out."

"I don't need any money. You've already given me everything I need and more."

"Well take it just in case. You don't have to spend it, but at least you've got some if you need it."

"Ok... So I'll see you for lunch. Have a good day, Adam."

"You too Mike!" I said as I kissed his forehead before leaving.

My third appointment was a 'no show'. I should have expected it since he seemed to have at least one or two appointments that he missed before he actually came in for his scheduled work. I didn't mind so much. He always paid for his missed appointments and the free time gave me the chance to call a professor from the local University. Dr. Martin didn't know me as well as he knew my father. I reminded him of the connection so that he'd take my call and hopefully grant my request. Dr. Martin was a psychiatrist who specialized in dealing with abused children. He had written and lectured expensively and was well respected in his field. Mike was far older than his usual patients, but I thought if anyone would be able to help Mike this man would.

I explained some of what Mike had told me. I also explained Mike's behavior and some of his fears. I was practically begging the man to see Mike and treat him when Dr. Martin told me that he really didn't practice much these days and only consulted with other doctors. It took more time to convince the doctor to just see Mike to perhaps help assess his problems and maybe recommend someone else who could help. He really did try his best to avoid a meeting, but I persisted until he finally relented and granted my request for a personal meeting. The doctor invited us to his home Saturday afternoon. I was so excited that I got the doctor to agree that I couldn't stop thanking him enough. Dr. Martin reminded me that he was just granting this initial meeting because my father was a personal friend. He stated that he had no intention to commit to treating Mike because he had all the work he wanted with his few classes, lectures, and writing. When we said good-bye to each other, my mind instantly began to work on some way to get Dr. Martin to treat Mike. Something inside me told me that this man would be Mike's best hope for recovery.

Tuesday evening when I returned home, Mike hugged me. He said that he'd missed me all afternoon since lunch. We talked as I changed clothes. I told Mike that I thought we'd stay in unless he wanted to go out for dinner. He said that whatever I wanted to do would be fine. We walked to the kitchen and together we prepared our dinner. Mike really was lost in the kitchen, but he paid close attention and learned quickly. We talked and worked until we were finally ready to sit down to our meal. I'm not a great cook, but I manage. Mike told me that he thought the food we made tasted much better than the food in the restaurants. Mike had seconds of some items. I watched to see if there was anything he actually didn't eat, but there wasn't. He cleaned his plate. It was nice cooking for someone who appreciated what I made and even complimented me on the meal. I didn't cook for others that often, but I couldn't remember anyone ever complimenting me before. Cooking all of a sudden didn't seem like the chore it had been. I was almost looking forward to cooking with Mike again.

After we cleaned up the kitchen and loaded the dishwasher, Mike and I retired to the living room. I told Mike about Dr. Martin and the meeting we had with him this coming Saturday. Mike said,

"What do you want me to do?"

"I'd like you to talk with Dr. Martin. I know it isn't easy for you to talk about the abuse you've suffered, but it's important to tell Dr. Martin all of the things that happened to you so he can help us fix them. He might help himself or he may recommend someone else, but either way it is most important to be honest with him. He's a nice man, and I think you'll like him. Remember, he isn't judging you at all. He just needs to hear what happened to you so he can help."

"Will you be there too?"

"I'll take you to the appointment, but he'll probably want to talk with you alone."

"Why?"

"Well I suppose because it's personal. You might tell him things you don't want me to know. Dr. Martin can't share anything you say with anyone else unless you give him permission first."

"I already told you everything so it's ok if you're there. I don't know if I could tell him everything."

"We'll talk with Dr. Martin when we meet with him on Saturday. I'm sure he'll understand. If you want me to be there then I will. What's most important to me is that you know none of this is to hurt you more or make you relive those years just to make you hurt all over again. He needs to know so he can help with the problems and fears. I'd never let anyone hurt you. I really want you to trust me this time. I honestly think this man can help. I think he is the best chance for your complete recovery from the traumas you've endured."

"I do trust you, Adam. I feel safe and protected when I'm with you. I just feel better when we are together. I will do what you want. It won't be easy, but I will do it. I do want you to be with me though. It will be easier for me if you're there."

"We can tell Dr. Martin your wishes. I'm sure he'll agree. You don't have to worry about anything. The appointment isn't until Saturday afternoon. I think it will be more like visiting someone than like seeing a doctor. We'll be going to his home and not his office."

Wednesday afternoon Mike and I drove around the city. I thought this might be good to do just to see what memories might be triggered. For the most part none were -- at least none from his distant past. Mike knew his last name and his middle initial, but he didn't have any idea about his social security number. I had called one of the lawyers my dad used to try to get any information he could about Mike. The lawyer said that he would do what he could and would send the information to my office. Where Mike had lived with his mother was still an illusive memory. He thought we were in the right area a couple of times, but none of the homes looked familiar to him. He couldn't recall his mother's married name, but he did know that her husband's name was Roy. I didn't really want Mike to suddenly remember more about his childhood in case those memories were painful ones too, but I was hoping to get some idea of where he'd gone to school so we could at least get some basic information about him and perhaps arrange for him to finish his education. I thought it important for Mike to have something to do during the day while I was at work. I didn't have a problem with him being at the condo alone, but that was the problem... he was lonely when he was there by himself. He needed something to occupy his time away from me.

Saturday morning Mike came with me to the office. He readily agreed to let me examine his teeth and run a full set of x-rays. When that was done I showed him the x-rays on the laptop computer that was located in each treatment area. He didn't have any cavities which really surprised me. I booked some of my hygienist's time to clean and polish Mike's teeth. I found that as long as Mike knew what was coming he was more relaxed and open to the experience. Randy was my hygienist. I hired him because he was excellent with children and adults. He was one of the most easy going young men I'd ever met. Randy was about my age so only a few years older than Mike. That seemed to make it easier for Mike to handle the cleaning and polishing.

Mike seemed really proud of the difference when Randy was done. Mike's teeth were about 100 times whiter and brighter. He was smiling as I walked into my office where he was waiting for me. He was really pleased with how much brighter his teeth looked and couldn't stop praising Randy. I hoped that he'd feel the same way when he met and talked with Dr. Martin in just a few hours.

I closed up shop and stopped for lunch before we headed to Dr. Martin's home. Mike seemed a bit more serious at lunch and on the drive. I did my best to reassure him that he had nothing to worry about. Mike said,

"What if he won't let you be there with me?"

"Then we won't stay."

That alone seemed to ease the weight Mike was carrying. He visibly relaxed in the passenger seat. Mrs. Martin greeted us when we rang the bell. She was a typical grandmotherly type -- warm, friendly, and very gracious. She showed us to the den to have a seat. Before she left the room she said that she had brownies baking in the oven and we shouldn't leave until we've had a few. We both thanked her and said that we wouldn't miss that opportunity for the world.

If Mrs. Martin was the perfect grandmother then Dr. Martin was the perfect grandfather. He had kind and gentle eyes. It was the first thing I noticed. He was genuine and welcoming and easy to be around. The first thing he said was to Mike...

"Mike... would you like to talk in private?"

"I really want Adam to stay. It will be easier if he's here."

"That's fine. Now I'm going to ask you some questions. Some will likely be hard to answer, but it's most important that you tell me what you remember so that I can give you the best help possible. I want you to feel free to ask me any questions you want and to tell me what you feel like saying no matter what that is."

With a little prompting from Dr. Martin, Mike told his life story. The early years were mostly a blur of memories trapped behind some mental door. When Mike talked about his time with the man, it was so different than when he told me. The details were the same though occasionally more graphic and detailed, but Mike seemed detached from the experience when he told me -- almost like he was telling me what happened to someone else. Talking to Dr. Martin was more emotional for Mike. He seemed to be reliving the experiences as he recounted them. Mike had leaned into my shoulder when he started to talk. I put my arm over his shoulder and held his hand through most of the retelling. We all had tears in our eyes through most of Mike's story. Mike's tears ran down his cheeks. He never made an effort to wipe the tears away because more just seemed to fall. I'd lost track of time when Mike started talking. I'm not sure if Dr. Martin had as well. When I glanced at the wall clock it dawned on me that we'd been there for nearly three hours.

When Mike got to the place in his story where he was able to escape, Dr. Martin ended the session. He surprised me by asking Mike to come again next Saturday for another session. Mike seemed pleased as well. We all used a tissue or two from a box Dr. Martin brought to the coffee table between us. As we dried our eyes Dr. Martin assured Mike that he believed he could help him with several sessions. Mike signed as he thanked the doctor for any help he could give him.

Mrs. Martin intercepted us before we got to the entry way. She showed us to the kitchen where she had homemade brownies or all of us with large glasses of milk. We all three ate more brownies than we probably should have considering it was close to dinner time, but they were just too good to pass up. We each thanked both Dr. and Mrs. Martin before we left to drive home.

That evening Mike and I sat of the sofa listening to soft jazz and talking about the session. Mike didn't eat a lot at dinner. I thought it might have been too many brownies, but he later told me that telling the doctor everything made his stomach ache. I propped myself up against one end of the sofa and pulled Mike between my legs so his back was resting on my chest and his head was just below mine. I wrapped my arms around him and just held him while verbally telling him that the worst was part was over. I kissed the top of Mike's head a few times while he held my arms around him. We stayed that way until it was time for bed.

Mike had a horrible nightmare that scared me as much as it was scaring him. I was holding him in my arms deep in sleep when he began thrashing around and screaming in agony. I finally got him awake and out of the dream. He was sweating and had such a sad and far away look in his eyes. I pulled him over so his chest was half on mine and his head was resting against my chest. I held him tight as I tried to soothe his frazzled nerves and calm him down enough to sleep. It took awhile, but he did eventually calm down. I felt him kiss my chest as he whispered 'thank you' then drifted back to sleep.

We slept late on Sunday. When we finally did get moving it was nearly 10:00. We showered and dressed and met in the kitchen. Mike was getting the coffee started when I arrived. As we fixed eggs and bacon to eat we talked about Mike's bad dream. It seems that talking with the doctor about his life had brought back some of the more repressed memories of punishment. Mike told me of the time the man beat him for not being able to hold his bladder. The man had forced Mike to lick up the puddle of urine and then beat him with the whip. It hurt just to hear the details. I couldn't even imagine what it must have been like to have to drink urine from a dirty floor. I'd never really even been in a fight. I couldn't understand how anyone could mercilessly beat another human being for any reason. I was a bit depressed after listening to Mike, but didn't want either of us to be that way. I thought we should see a movie to take our minds off all of this. I looked through the movie section of the paper and found a comedy that the girls in the office raved about. I told Mike we were going to see the movie. He simply nodded his head.

We settled into our seats at the theater with a huge bucket of popcorn and soft drinks. The lights dimmed and Mike reached for my hand. He calmed once he realized that the room wouldn't be completely dark. Once the ads were finished the movie started. It was indeed funny. I was laughing to the point of tears a few times, but more importantly Mike was laughing too. When the movie ended we were both still laughing. We stayed in our seats while most of the crowd left. As we walked out I told Mike I had to pee. He followed me to the men's room and we took urinals next to each other. We both unzipped, and I started to pee. I looked over at Mike. His eyes were almost pleading with me. I whispered,

"It's ok to pee Mike."

The flow started immediately. He looked back at me as I was zipping up and mouthed 'Thanks'.

The visit to the medical doctor was very stressful for Mike. He wanted me to be in the room, but I could tell he was nervous about it. I tried to talk with him about what was making him nervous, but he wouldn't say. Finally that Wednesday as we were driving to the doctor's office Mike told me that he was nervous because he didn't want me to see what he looked like. I told him I l already know what he looked like, but he said that he didn't want me to see his body. I told him not to worry about it because I could stay in the waiting room until he was finished. Mike said that he wanted me with him for the exam, but he was worried that I'd be grossed out by his body. I did my best to assure him that I wouldn't be no matter what. It didn't seem to matter how often I said it, Mike didn't calm down.

In the exam room Mike stripped to his boxers. It was at that point that I realized that I hadn't actually ever seen Mike without clothes. I ran around the bedroom and condo without clothes every day, but Mike always wore the robe. I didn't know what he was hiding or ashamed of, but I figured I'd find out soon enough. I talked with him from a chair across the room as we waited for the doctor to arrive. A nurse came first to weigh and measure him as well as take his temperature and blood pressure. Mike didn't like any of it, but he cooperated. The doctor finally came to do the exam. When Mike realized that it wasn't painful or invasive, he relaxed. He relaxed until that point when the doctor wanted Mike to stand and lower his boxers. I could see the pleading look on his face as he looked at me. I told him it would be fine -- just part of the exam -- that nothing bad was going to happen. Mike relented and lowered his boxers. His chest and face were so red when he did. I wasn't at all sure what embarrassed him. From my chair across the room he looked normal to me. He had good tone to his muscles. He had decent sized arms, strong legs, and a six-pack. I didn't have that. I thought he looked fine. The doctor had Mike turn and bend over the exam table. I did see the marks on Mike's back. The scars weren't disfiguring or so gross one couldn't stand to look at him, but they were there -- red stripes in many directions. I had felt the texture of the scars through his shirt when I'd hugged him, but never mentioned them to him. Mike whimpered like he was in pain as the doctor inserted his finger. He was talking with Mike about any pain he might be experiencing, but Mike said it didn't hurt. He asked Mike about some other more personal things. Mike was honest and said that he'd had sex with men. Mike's face was still red when he was dressed again. He looked to be in such pain. We were alone in the room now so I asked Mike if it hurt when the doctor touched him.

"It didn't hurt where he touched me, but it hurt in my head. It just brings back bad memories."

"I'm sorry you had to go through that. I wish there was another way to do the exam without it, but there really isn't."

"I know. It just makes me feel bad."

Back at the condo Mike was pensive, but didn't want to talk. I was getting accustomed to this, but knew that he just needed to sort through in him mind what he wanted to say before he'd be ready to talk. It was over dinner that Mike finally talked about what was bothering him.

"I'm sorry you had to see my body. I know it's gross and disgusting to look at. I didn't want you to see it, but I didn't want to be alone either. I wish you didn't have to be there."

"Mike, there isn't anything wrong with your body. It certainly isn't gross and disgusting. You're a good looking guy. You've got nothing to be ashamed of at all. I'd actually say that you're quite handsome."

Mike looked at me with that questioning look he often got when things in his head didn't match what he was hearing. Finally he said,

"Do you really think I've got a nice body? You aren't just saying that to make me feel better are you?"

"I do think you have a nice body. I didn't like stare at it or anything, but what I saw looked good to me."

"I'm really not disgusting to look at?"

"No... you really aren't. You are attractive. You've got a better body than most men your age... good solid muscles from what I could see in your arms, legs, chest, and your back."

"The scars didn't gross you out?"

"No... they didn't gross me out at all. They look like they hurt and that makes me hurt too, but they didn't gross me out. I've felt them through your shirt when we've hugged. I'd like to kill the guy who did that to you, but they don't gross me out at all."

"He always told me I was ugly and deformed... that no one would ever think I was good looking. He told me my dick and balls were pathetic and were too small to give anyone pleasure. He told me that was what made me a good pussy boy. He always told me I was ugly... that's why he had to fuck me from the back because he couldn't stand to look at my body."

"Mike... he lied to you. You're a handsome man. There isn't anything wrong with your body. Your dick and balls are at least normal size. He lied to you when he said you were ugly. You aren't. You've got plenty to satisfy a man or a woman, and I'm sure neither would complain about having sex with you. I know I wouldn't."

"I guess when you hear something often enough you start to believe it. I remember looking at the boys the other men brought over and thinking that I looked as good as them, but all he ever said was how tight one of them was or how smooth or how pretty... that I was shit compared to them. He would tell me that he was embarrassed to show me because I was so ugly and such a sloppy fuck... that I couldn't do anything right. A day didn't go by that I didn't hear how useless and disgusting I was. I believed him. I thought everyone looked at me that same way. I hated having people see my face. I hated taking my clothes off for the doctor because I thought he would think I was hideous -- too ugly to touch."

Mike was holding his head in his hands and crying. I knelt next to him and wrapped my arms around him as I repeated over and over...

"Mike... he lied to you. Please believe me... he lied to you..."

Neither of us felt much like eating after that. We cleaned up the kitchen and put the uneaten food back in the fridge. We sat in our usual position on the sofa with Mike's back against my chest and my arms around him. We didn't talk much... I just held him and hoped I could make the hurt go away. When we were ready for bed that night Mike left the lamp on as he took off the robe. He said,

"Adam... I want you to look at me. I want to see your eyes when you look at me."

I looked! He did have a great body... he had two small scars on his chest. I ran my hands over those scars as I looked in his eyes. I leaned in to place a kiss on each one. I turned him away from me and ran my hands along the scars on his back. Some were short, but others ran from one side to the other. I gently kissed each of those scars. When Mike turned back to face me our eyes met. I could feel Mike reading my thoughts -- searching my soul. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him on the cheek as I said,

"I'm so sorry he did this to you. To me you're beautiful, Mike. I don't ever want you to think that you aren't. I love you Mike."

"I love you too Adam... I'm so glad that you found me. You're the only reason I'm still here. You give me the will and the strength to keep fighting. Thank you so much.... thank you." he said as he kissed my cheek.

I had tears in my eyes when we parted. Mike asked,

"Did I make you sad?"

"No... Mike, you made me the happiest I've been in a very long time. I really do love you. Never, ever forget that."

"I won't... and never, ever forget that I love you too."

We settled in bed with Mike's chest resting on mine and slowly slipped into happy slumber.

and that brings me to the end of this part of the story...

I hope you enjoyed this offering. If you've made it to the end of this portion of the story, please share your thoughts with me. I sincerely appreciate your comments, thoughts, and criticisms. You can contact me at: dselliot28@yahoo.com.

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Peace and Love.

ds elliot