When Shadows Pass Original

When Shadows Pass (Part 5)

W H E N   S H A D O W S   P A S S
by Sean E. – EkidKy  (EKidKy@Hotmail.com) 

D I S C L A I M E R 
This fictional series contains frank discussions, imagery and scenes between young male teens with subject material that is not appropriate for all people.  Although that statement implies young adults of a certain age should refrain or be discouraged from reading, it is my honest belief that the decision should lie with the individual (I know what it was like when I was as young as 13 to 14 years old).  This story is intended to be read by all ages, both young and old at heart, who want to find encouragement, understanding and acceptance – especially in this big, busy world where we live.  I know society frowns upon what it considers to be the taboos of young people and sex, but I think there is a place – deep inside all of us, throughout life – where we need to feel accepted and wanted.

On a personal note, that’s why I write and do this – for guys who feel confused but need to believe in themselves. It is my sincere hope my writings can give a teen courage and hope.  If it helps even just one individual in some way to know that they are not alone, then it’s worth every effort I make.  There is a stigma in our society where young male emotions should always be surpassed: “Grow up!”, “Suck it up, be a man!” and other phrases are things I’ve heard all my life.  It’s as if anything to do with boys having feelings and companionship amongst one another should be dammed.  Well, it wasn’t for me; I was a teen who hid a lot from the world, but also had a lot to give on the inside, and I think as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized it is a reality more common than you think.  I know because I’ve been there – and surprisingly, at the time of this writing, it was NOT that long ago. 

If you find such material objectionable, then obviously you're in the wrong place - and you should move on to other sources for your reading pleasure.  Also be warned: if you want the “quickie” – sorry, that isn’t me or my style.

As with most authors, any feedback is encouraged and appreciated: EKidKy@hotmail.com

W H E N   S H A D O W S   P A S S
Chapter Five: Some Roads Merge As One

    “You guys already know some of this stuff.  Just, from stuff your Mom and Dad have sort of hinted at and talked about.”

    Jason began, thinking back more than he really wanted to, but deciding he should probably start with something early on so that he could explain to his friend why some things happened the way they did.  He had already taken a deep breath, but behind it all he knew he was committed.  It was possible he could scale down some of it, but seeing the look and sincerity in Elliot’s expression told him he didn’t need to.  He figured the youth already had guessed parts of this, so why hold out on something he knew he really didn’t need to.

    “You know that my Dad died right before school was out for the summer this year.  I - I used to keep up with when, you know, the date and stuff, but to be honest I don’t even remember that much anymore – it seems like it was so long ago, you know?  I think about that sometimes, how everything just seems so unreal, like it all happened in another lifetime maybe.  I know – it’s weird.”

    Both boys were still in the floor, but had turned so they could use the couch to lie back against.  Elliot sat beside his friend as close as anyone could sit, and noted how his friend’s demeanor was now calmer but more detached.  It wasn’t unexpected, but the way Jason started talking it seemed there was a chill in his voice, and THAT was something he wasn’t used to hearing from the other kid.  He thought about reaching down and taking his friend’s hand, but decided against it.  Regardless of how he was feeling right now, he knew Jason was probably feeling worse, and he didn’t want to complicate those feelings and more than was necessary.  Instead he rubbed his socked foot alongside that of the other youth’s foot beside him, sort of in a playful manner – but also in a way he hoped Jason knew he was listening – and that he still cared.

    “When he died, it was all weird.  I mean, I used to come home from school, you know, get off the bus and stuff, and he would be there on the porch, just sitting in the swing or in his rocker.  He would always wave at me and smile, and ask me everything about school that day, like what I learned or hated or how I did on tests or stuff.” He grunted.  “He would sometimes ask me the stupid stuff, too, like if I got in any fights, or kissed any girls – like I would tell him that stuff, right?”  Although there was trace of annoyance, Jason smiled weakly at that point.  “You can guess pretty much.  I mean, he was interested in me – not always about school either.  And believe it or not, it made me feel good most of the time, because that was just how we got along.  With Mom gone so long, Dad was all I really had.  Does that make sense?”  When Elliot silently nodded, he paused and wrinkled his nose.

    “You know, you talked about being alone.  For me it was just me and Dad, and he couldn’t, like, do a lot of stuff.  He lost the use of one of his legs a long time ago somehow, so he was kind of limited and everything.  I did a lot of stuff for the both of us mostly; I mean he did most of the cooking, but I did the dishes and vacuuming and cleaning - stuff like that.  ‘Mama’s boy stuff’ some of the kids called it, but meh, it wasn’t really that bad.  Just the two of us, there wasn’t a lot of stuff to get dirty or anything.  We watched a lot of TV or listened to the radio some.  He could still drive, so sometimes we’d get out and go around town, maybe get some ice cream.  It wasn’t way boring, but yeah, there were nights when things got sort of lonesome, too.”

    Again Elliot nodded while Jason paused.  When he spoke again, Elliot noted the far-away look in his friend’s eyes.  “We didn’t have a lot of visitors or anything either.  I guess the most we had were these neighbors that lived down the road, the Coomers, and they had a couple of young girls.  They were like eight and nine, I think – they all went to the same church where we did every once in a while.  We didn’t really go to church that much, but when we did they were always there, and they were always really friendly with us.  Dad and Mr. Coomer would talk for an hour sometimes after church, which got really annoying.  Aside from them though, that was about it.”

    “We go to church sometimes too, but not a whole lot,” Elliot offered, thinking about this revelation.

    Jason nodded and then sighed, knowing he was rambling.  He had unconsciously gotten off track and he knew he needed to focus better.  “Anyways, like I said: when Dad died all of that stopped and things were just well, weird.  I came home one day from school, and there he was on the porch, like always – except he looked like he was sleeping or something.  I almost left him alone that day, except I did it once before and he really got after me, telling me to always wake him up no matter what.  So, that day you see, I tried and tried, but he wouldn’t - wake up, I mean.”  His voice suddenly grew hoarse and, once again he paused and brushed away a tear that had escaped with the back of his hand. 

    When Jason didn’t continue after a moment, Elliot suddenly changed his mind.  His uncertainty of how Jason might take it no longer mattered.  Elliot figured they had already been through much worse, so he reached out slowly and held his friend’s hand in his own, locking fingers and gently squeezing.  Jason looked down at the gesture for a long time, but made no move to pull away because he felt a strange comfort there.  When he finally looked back up, he met Elliot’s eyes and continued as if nothing had changed.  “I called 911, and then they came and made this big deal over him and everything.  Then they put him on this stretcher and covered him up and – he was gone.”

    It was a full minute before Jason could continue again.  He was afraid he would lose himself in that memory if he didn’t take the time to recompose his thoughts.  Elliot waited patiently, seeing the conflict and offering the only thing he could in return: just to be there. 

    “I was like, always in the background, no one paid much attention to me at all until they had put him in this big ambulance and drove away.  I mean, it felt like nobody even thought or cared about me any at all.  Once they got there, I was just sort of pushed aside and put in this chair at the other end of the porch and everything.  They ignored me as they worked on him, and then when it was over and he was gone, I was suddenly the center of attention.  If that’s what you want to call it.”  His demeanor changed once again to that of cold detachment.  “It was like ‘What about the kid?’ and all that shit.  You know, more like I was suddenly a problem – and everyone started talking about me like I wasn’t even there.  I mean, yeah, I was in shock and stuff, but I could still listen and hear everything.  They all acted like I had to be somebody else’s problem, not theirs.  Anyway, one of the guys finally decided they had to call social services, which they did, and then of all the stupid idiot things, they played paper-rock-scissors to see who as going to get stuck waiting for me.” 

    Elliot stared at his friend incredulously.  “Are you serious?”

    Jason grunted and nodded his head as he stared off into space again.  “This guy that was left, he wasn’t mean or anything, but – you get the idea, he hated to be there, with me, you know?  He never talked or anything, just kept looking at his watch, walking and sighing and – you get the idea.  We had to wait for a long time, and he kept getting more and more aggravated I guess, until finally this lady shows up and ‘collects’ me, like I’m some prize or something.”

    Jason’s shoulders drooped as he pushed himself back into the couch more.  He had still yet to let go of Elliot’s hand, and once he was settled more comfortably he began to raise it nonchalantly every now and then as he spoke. “I went to this place and was given a bed to stay in the basement and this lady told me she would come back and see about me the next day.  Only she didn’t – it was a couple of days later I think.  I was put in this room in the back, where they closed the door and then there I was - alone and cold, scared I guess.  That’s where I stayed pretty much until the funeral.  I mean, I did get out to the bathroom and stuff, but they brought me food back there and… and… that was just it.  I just didn’t get out or anything, you know?  Not that I really felt like it any, but… Finally she came and picked me up one day, brought me these weird clothes that were kind of like yours, like a size too big or something, but made me wear them anyway.  She took me to the funeral home and left me that morning.  The funeral, it was nothing much – there were those neighbors I told you about, a few people from the church and I don’t know, I think some kind of service men from somewhere, but to be honest I didn’t recognize them. They were dressed really nice though, and when the funeral was over, they did this gun thing, shooting and stuff like you see them do on TV.  I was there pretty much alone though through it all, and … I don’t know Elliot, I mean, I should have cried and stuff, but I couldn’t.  I don’t know why, but I never could do it, and then it was over and everything was done, you know?”

    “After all of it was over, this lady suddenly showed up again and brought me this old dirty suitcase from somewhere.  I mean, it looked like it had been thrown in the garbage, or sewer or something – it stunk so bad, and it was everything I could do to keep from throwing up!  So anyway, I opened it and it had some of my clothes in it.  She gives this thing to me and tells me I’m going to go stay in a foster home with an elderly couple outside of town.  Just like that, no questions, no nothing, just boom – like I said: everyone had this THING about me, like I was just a problem, you know?  They made me change clothes there at the graveyard in this old building, and give them back the borrowed ones I guess; then the next thing I knew I was in the back of her car and then at the back door of this couple’s house.”

    Pausing only because he was trying to decide how to get to the next part, Jason suddenly narrowed his eyes.  “She never really introduced us or anything, she just knocked on the door, and when they answered she said ‘Here he is’ and she left.  These people then brought me inside and showed me my room – though it wasn’t really like a real room, not like what you would think anyway.  It wasn’t a closet or anything either, it was just, you know, a room.”  Jason sighed in sudden exasperation.  “I don’t know how to describe it.  I mean, this house was a big house, two floors and a basement, with three or four big bedrooms and everything upstairs, but this place they put me in wasn’t even one of the bedrooms, it was more like a storage room or something.  No windows, low ceiling, basically just big enough to fit a twin bed in was all.  I mean it – there was just enough space to crawl up beside the bed mostly, so there was no furniture or anything.  It’s not that I really expected anything.  I mean heck, I was an orphan now, right?” 

    Jason shook his head.  “I heard stories from kids at school about orphans, see?  There was this one girl, a grade ahead of me who even tried to commit suicide once, but she got caught just in time.  Until then I never realized I could become one, but then I did, and all this stuff I had heard had come to me about how bad they had it in their families and everything.  Orphans had no rights or anything, they’re just wards of the state and all that crap.  Does that make any sense?  My life was going to be shit from there on out Elliot, as far as I knew anyways, and when they gave me this … room, I had a very bad feeling about everything.  And… yeah, if there ever were two people who made sure I knew it, it was them.  This man, he told me to put that stupid, smelly suitcase in the garbage so he would never have to see it again, and he bitched constantly about how God-awful the thing smelled, and then started razing me about how awful my clothes were, too.  He never shut up about it either, for days; even though I threw it away outside in this barrel thingy, he would swear I was bringing it in and carrying it through the whole house just to torment them.  I would tell him I didn’t, but then he would always cuff or slap me and call me a liar.”

    Elliot shivered at that point.  “Sheesh!”

   Jason shrugged his shoulders.  “I mean what the heck – I didn’t have anything to do with it, it wasn’t mine to start with, you know?  But to him it didn’t matter – he hated it, he hated me, he hated my being there – everything from the start you know?  So anyway, that first day, they dragged me into the kitchen and there they had this ‘list’ on the table.  It was a long list of jobs and chores and stuff they wanted me to do.  Told me I would have to do it or else.  When I just stared at it, the old man waited a few seconds and then started yelling again, like ‘Get a move on you jack-ass’, or something.”

    “Wait a minute,” Elliot interrupted. “These were your foster parents, right?  Didn’t they like, have responsibilities and stuff to take care of you and everything?  And cripes Jason, you had just got there from your Dad’s funeral, I mean, get real!”

    Jason reflected for a second before shrugging his shoulders again. “That’s just the way it was.  Every day they would have these lists for me, these jobs and so forth.  I never went back to school that year, since there was only a couple of weeks or so to go when Dad died.  So instead these people just put me to work, mostly from the moment I woke up until I went to bed at night.  The old man threatened me almost every day; I mean, if I didn’t do the jobs and work and stuff, I didn’t get anything.  They meant it, too.  There were some days… I mean the list was so long… if I didn’t finish it or do something good enough, you know, I really did get nothing.”

    Elliot’s eyes widened suspiciously.  “How do you mean?”

    Jason shrugged his shoulders.  “Well, when I did do everything, as long as it was mostly okay, I always found a sandwich or some soup on my bed and stuff at night.  Some mornings if I was lucky I would get a banana or something too, but I never got any real breakfast or anything.  And I guess I could have water almost anytime I needed it, because they never got after me for getting any from the sink – as long as I didn’t take a long time doing it.  But yeah, you can guess the rest – if I didn’t get things like they wanted, well… nothing – no food mostly.”

    Elliot whistled as his friend’s voice trailed off.  “Damn Jason, how long?  I mean, how long did that bloody crap go on?”

    A far-away look registered upon the youth’s face.  “I don’t know exactly.  I know it lasted mostly all summer.  I went maybe a day every week without food, but that was about the worst of it I think.  When school started early in August that kind of changed anyway.  I mean, it was the first break I really had from the assholes; they never really cared or anything.  They never talked with me, or let me talk to anyone else for that matter – they just had their ‘list’ and their ‘work’.  They were always on my case…”  Jason shook his head as his voice trailed off.

    “What do you mean?” Elliot asked softly.

    “Calling me names like ‘lazy ass’ or ‘bum-fucker’, stuff like that.  It’s like they got some kind of kick out of it, you know, putting me down all the time or trying to rile me up, that kind of crap.”  Seeing the surprise in Elliot’s face, he shrugged his shoulders.  “School was my escape – because they knew they couldn’t get to me through there, and they knew I had to go.  They tried to make that as much like hell as they could, too – at least I thought so.  Get this: they never gave me any money or anything for lunch or breakfast, told me up front it wasn’t worth it.  Then when I brought forms in that let me get on the roll for free and everything, they wouldn’t sign the forms either.  Told me that I was too much of a lost cause for any of that shit, and they would never let a whore like me steal from decent, honest paying taxpayers unless I cleaned up my act first.”

    “Are you kidding me??!! No way!” Elliot exclaimed in disbelief.

    Jason grinned.  “I didn’t have to fight that one though; seems that since I was under state care the school already had me on the list already.  So the assholes never knew it - I was able to eat stuff at school.  Not that it was always that great, but compared to what I had been getting all summer, you know?”  He giggled.  “It’s probably the only good thing I had going for me Elliot, but man…”

    “I bet so,” Elliot whispered politely, squeezing the hand he held gently.

    Jason squeezed back briefly and then continued.  “I wish I could say things got better, but they didn’t.  After school started and got going, things got worse after I got home.  The old man started yelling at me more and more, because he said I always smelled like nothing but sex.”  Jason rolled his eyes and his mouth dropped open a couple of times before he could continue.  “I mean - what the hell, right?  I have no flipping clue where it all came from.  They accused me of everything Elliot, jerking off on my clothes every night, or peeing on them or some other kind of crap like that.  I never did any of it, I swear!  There were nights I went to my room though and it smelled bad in there, like someone did piss and everything, but it wasn’t me, I never did it.  Sometimes it would stink so bad, but they made sure I stayed in there with and everything.”  He grunted.  “They always made like I did it so they would have to go buy me more clothes, or some other kind of excuse.  I always had to wash own my clothes two or three times a night, just to get the stink out of them.  It was always a game though, you know?  I mean, it was bad Elliot.  Up until that point I was just, you know, lost and confused and everything because at first it got to me, okay?  Like, I was thinking that maybe I was nothing but trouble, and worthless and all that stuff with it.  It really got me down sometimes, and I think they just soaked it up.  When all this new stuff started up though, you kind of get numb to it, and then eventually I realized it was just all a game to them and I started to get mad.  Then they found they couldn’t intimidate me as much anymore or anything.”

    “Shit Jase, I had no idea,” Elliot confessed.

    “I know, nobody did, really.”

    “Didn’t that social worker or anyone ever check up on you or anything?”

    Jason shook his head.  “That was a funny thing.  Supposedly yeah, but they never seemed to come while I was there.  That lady or whoever always seemed to show up while I was away doing stuff or at school or something, you know?  I never really saw anyone the whole time all summer or anything.  I remember once I overheard them talking about there was supposed to be a visit scheduled like, the next day or something, and I got the idea it was from them, you know, the state people.  But the next morning that old bastard made me go into town with him and do some kind of crap at the lumber mill that took hours.  When we got back, nobody was there, so I asked the old woman about the visitor we were suppose to get.  I even played nice, making sure the old bastard was outside, and you know, just was nice and stuff, but then she accused me of eavesdropping on them and all that crap and started going off; the old man came running in the kitchen and then they both started laying in on me.  Said it was all my own fault, if I hadn’t been so lazy at the mill I would have made it back if I wanted to see her.  I was like, what-the-fuck, and then he really let me have it…”  Jason took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

    Elliot involuntarily shuddered before his friend continued.  “Anyway, when I was in school, like I said, I was away from them for part of my day at least, so I got a break.  But I couldn’t make friends or anything, see – because it was a new school, and as soon as most of the kids found out I was an orphan, that was it.  They were never really rude to me or anything, but – you know how it is, how kids just kind of avoid you and everything.  They look at you all different and everything, and maybe they don’t intend to, but they treat you different.  Not bad – but different.  So yeah, I was kind of alone again.”

    “I’m sorry,” Elliot offered, not knowing what to say.

    Jason smiled.  “It was weird, but it was okay.  At least I got to eat breakfast and lunch, and like I said, I got away from the house for a while.”

    “What about when you had to go back?  I mean, after school?”

    Jason’s expression grew darker.  “Always the same:  there was a list, usually a lot of jobs, some stuff over and over but also new stuff, too.  I had to do everything before I went to bed that night, no matter how long it took me.  I mean, sometimes the list was really long and it was like, 11 or 12 at night before I would get done.  Usually when I got finished there was the sandwich or whatever waiting for me.  Either the old man or his wife or both of them would always stay up until I got finished, no matter what.  And if it started getting late, they would start grumbling and start yelling at me again to get off my lazy ass and everything, you know?  I mean, it was all so stupid…”

    “Why didn’t you just leave then?” Elliot asked, and then regretted it because he realized how dumb it sounded.

    “Where was I going to go?  I mean, I had no rights; the state decided things for me and everything and right then the state had me placed to stay with them for the rest of my life.  Yeah, I know – stupid, right?  These people were supposed to be substitute parents, but it was all a joke.  I mean, other than being smacked a few times, up until then they really never hurt me and… and… for all I knew, I could be leaving them just to get into something worse, you know, another house worse than that one.”

    “Not hurt you?  Are you bloody insane?” Elliot exclaimed, and then shook his head.  “Okay, I’m sorry, I understand, but dude … That’s just crazy, the way they treated you...”  He looked up and keenly observed how, once again, his friend had become so detached from it all.  “So, basically they made you a slave or something.  What was that, anyway?  I mean, what kind of stuff did they put on these lists and everything?”

    Jason shrugged his shoulders.  “Sometimes painting, cleaning toilets, bathtubs, sinks; washing dishes, sweeping and vacuuming the whole house; cleaning windows, scrubbing tile, washing clothes, dusting, drying, ironing.  That was the one that got me in the most trouble.  I could never iron good enough to satisfy the old woman, especially at first.  I mean, even at home, Dad always took care of that stuff for us, I didn’t have a clue how to do it anyways, you know?  But she didn’t care, and that’s how I ended up without food most of the time.”  He sighed.  “Anyway, that was the inside stuff I did, outside was other stuff.  It was summer, you know? Mostly they made me do yard and garden stuff, mowing, raking up loose grass, weeding, digging ditches, putting up fences, painting more stuff, climbing up and fixing the roof on the garage and shed, moving trees and bushes around the yard, washing and scrubbing down the porch and sidewalk, washing their car and vacuuming it out-“

    Elliot’s eyes were bulging.  “Holy shit!”

    Jason nodded.  “Even when school started, I still had all this stuff inside and outside to do and everything.  It was hot most days, you know, lots of days in the 90’s or near a 100 or so.  Most nights I was too tired to do any school work or anything, so my grades fell.  I tried to talk to them about it a couple of times, but that’s when it really started getting worse.  I mean, they didn’t care, and if I pleaded or asked for anything, all it got me was a slap.  I was told to shut the fuck up mostly, that their stuff came first, or else.”

    “Or else - what?” Elliot asked, incredulously.

    Jason shrugged his shoulders.  “I don’t know.  Don’t you see? Like I said, they didn’t care if I was failing school or anything.  In fact, they always laughed about it, told me if I wasn’t so stinking lazy, or such a bottom class loser, well – you know what I mean.  I mean, think about this: a couple of my teachers would send notes home, and they would got them they would read them and just laugh at me and tear them up, you know, throw them in the trash.  Then there was this one time they got a call from the school;  I was cleaning up their day’s dishes or something in the kitchen, so I could hear a lot of what was said.  They just lied their ass off, you know, told them they had been getting after me to do better or do my homework and everything, oh and of course the lazy excuse, too.  They would end up telling my teachers they would take care of it, that sort of stuff.  Then when the old man hung up the phone, he would go into this rage and slap me so hard I felt like my head rolled into the next county.  He was so pissed then…”

    There was another change in his tone now, and as he reflected on those events, Elliot noted the distant far-away look again but this time heightened with anger.  “Elliot, he always told me if I wasn’t such a dumb-shit I would do better anyway.  Talked about when he was in school they never had to bring homework home or deal with any of that shit.  As far as he was concerned I must have been one of the sorriest, lazy-assed fucking whores he had ever seen in his life.”  The youth turned to stare at Elliot, and what followed was delivered so coldly it sent a chill through Elliot’s spine.  “He threatened me that if he ever had to talk or listen to one of those so-called mother-fucking teacher-heathens again, he would teach me a thing or two about what discipline really meant.”

    “Holy shit, Jase… I mean, sheesh,” Elliot cried softly in disbelief.  “I don’t see how you could take it, I mean… ‘fuck’…”

    It was then Jason relaxed and shrugged his shoulders.  “Like I said, I wasn’t dumb.  I used to do really good in school for the most part, but these were new teachers then, and they threw a lot of homework on us, you know?  There was no way I could do it all at school or on the bus or anything.  So I tried to do stuff late at night, you know, after I got done with everything else.  We had books to read and write reports on, and pages and pages of math problems and all sorts of science stuff.  That worked for about a week, but then I started falling asleep in class.  I mean, we’re talking about me going to sleep maybe 1:30 to 2:00 in the morning, and then getting up at 6:00 just so I could get a quick shower and get out the door.  I don’t know – I think I did the best I could Elliot; I mean, I slept on the bus sometimes, but…  I was tired, and after a while it just caught up to me.  Anyway, once they heard about that, me falling asleep in class I mean, then the old fart made sure each night after I finished my chores that the lights were off and everything.”

    “You mean, he turned the light off on you?”

    Jason shook his head.  “No, worse, he killed the electric to my room some way, probably the fuse box I guess.   I tried using a flashlight, but he caught me with it after a couple of nights and...  Well, see what I mean?  And every morning he would start banging and busting on the door to get me up, lots of times just in time to run out to catch the bus, no shower no nothing.”

    “Jase, that’s…“  Elliot breathed in shock. “That’s just wrong, it’s abuse, you know?”

    Jason nodded.  “I know it was, at least I know it now, but then… well, everything was just out of control Elliot, and I didn’t know how to get out of it.  I mean, I knew of one way, but…”

    “What do you mean?” Elliot asked cautiously.

    Jason gave him a knowing look.  “I think you could figure that one out if you wanted,” was all he said, and after a moment a look of pure horror crossed Elliot’s face.

    “No!”

    Jason looked to the floor.  “Yeah, believe me, I did think about a few times, but…”  He shrugged his shoulders.  “I guess maybe, I don’t know, maybe I just thought it was my punishment or something.”

    “Fuck no!  How – HOW could you ever think that Jason? HOW?”

    Seeing his friend was really upset, Jason squeezed the hand that still held onto him.  Peering deep into the blue eyes that met his, he replied softly.  “Elliot, you have to remember, that was then; it’s not now – and besides, I know better, okay? It’s not like I would commit suicide for the sake of anything, but then – it was just bad.  That’s just what I felt like sometimes, especially after he would go on this war path or something.  I can’t tell you what it’s like any more than this.”  His voice softened further.  “This is part of why I didn’t want to tell you this stuff, you know?”

    Elliot stared for a long time before visibly relaxing.  “Fuck Jase, how did you ever get away then?  You DID get away, right? I mean, you’re here and… and…” Elliot asked.

    There was a long silence that engulfed the two.  Jason stared into space, focusing nowhere in particular as his thoughts collected again.  “Yeah,” he finally replied, but once again the dispassionate voice returned.   “It was this one weekend see, and one of my teachers pulled me aside on Friday to tell me that if I didn’t pass this test coming up the next week, she would have to fail me for the class.  That’s how bad my grades and everything were getting.  That got me really worried.  I mean, up until that point, the worst I had really lived with was just a few slaps and so forth, I suppose for mostly little things.  But if I failed in class, I mean…”  He paused again before he continued.  “So when I got home that day, there was the list like always and everything, but it seemed to me like it was, you know, way longer than usual.  I got mad, because... well…”

    “Because you couldn’t do anything about it because you were being treated like shit and being used like a slave, and that meant you couldn’t do work for school or else fail, which would mean…”  Elliot offered the observation, but only realized the significance of it once it was said aloud.

   Jason nodded.  “I did do it though, the list - all of it.  It took me two friggin days to finish it, but I like really pushed myself like crazy.  I mean, I worked harder and faster than I had ever done things before, and when Sunday afternoon came around I finished it.  Every stupid thing on it, every one of them, you know?  I was even kind of proud of myself –although I have no idea why because I knew it was never good enough most of the time.  So anyway, I get my stuff and go to my room and everything.  I don’t remember what time it was, like maybe 4:00 or 5:00 I guess but it was still early enough I could study for a while and maybe have a chance, you know, to do some good and everything.”

    Jason hesitated, thinking back.  “So like I said, I start studying and everything when the old bastard bangs on the door, comes in and drags me out.  He’s pissed for some reason and really mad about something.  He drags me somewhere, I don’t remember, the bathroom I think, and tells me to start doing something else.  I think it was the bathroom, something about scrubbing the tile or tub or… heck, I don’t know, I just knew it was something I had already done earlier that week, and it would take me a long time to do it again.  I mean, it looked fine to me, probably cleaner than it ever had been for them in its lifetime.  So, I looked at him and his smug little expression and everything and I knew it – I guess I had always known it, but it just seemed like then it sunk in, you know?  They wanted nothing but to keep me working, just to stay out of their way and everything, but they didn’t want me to have any time to myself at all – period.”

    “Sounds to me like it was a lot more than that,” Elliot responded when Jason stopped to take a deep breath.  “So, what happened next” he asked when Jason once again seemed to get lost in thought.

    “Well, he tells me to get started and everything, and I told him no.  It wasn’t the first time I ever did that to him, but this time he like, got real pissed again and everything – I think worse than he ever had before.  He started yelling at me, and I think I said something like go to hell or something, and… from there it gets kind of fuzzy Elliot.  I mean, I don’t remember a lot after that.  I just remember him hitting me, punching me, slapping me – things like that.  He was strong, I mean, really physically strong.  I remember seeing him hit his wife once and she went down onto the floor like a sack of potatoes just tossed across the room.  I remember when he hit me that day I went clear across the room and into the wall, so it had to have been bad.  I don’t know, he just yelled at me a lot, kicked me, everything – told me to do what he said or there would be hell to pay, called me more names and told me how worthless I was, you know, shit like that.”  Jason laughed.  “Thing was, I think hell would have been a vacation compared to what they put me through, you know?”

    “Shit,” Elliot muttered under his breath.  The tale was so incredulous, but as he watched his friend, he knew it was the truth.  He could feel it inside as he imagined the grisly scene that must have been there that day.

    Jason nodded.  “Yeah, I think I did that, too.”  Looking at his friend, he continued.  “Seriously; I think he kicked me so hard I pooped my pants or something.  He was so disgusted he dragged me back to my room and threw me on my bed and slammed the door shut and locked it.  I was so beaten and bloody though, it didn’t matter; all I could do was cry like a baby I think.  I couldn’t move or anything for a long time.  Everything is really hazy and stuff afterwards, and I’m telling the truth – I’m not covering up anything, okay?  I really don’t remember a whole lot of that night afterwards.”

    Elliot nodded and whispered, “It’s okay Jase, I believe you.  Sheesh, I doubt I would remember anything either if I had to go through all that.”

    After a moment, the tone of Jason’s voice changed as he continued.  “What I do remember was, sometime during the night I got up and was able to somehow get out.  All I had was my dirty clothes from that day, some of them bloodied and muddy or whatever, but that was it.  I ran, if you can call it running, and just… I kept running.” 

    “What I remember most is starting out for these hills and stuff.  I guess at some point I found this thing, like a shed or something,” Jason continued after another pause.  “It was like, a camouflaged lean-to or something hunters use I guess, when they’re hunting deer or stuff.  Anyway, I stayed in it for a long time, a couple of weeks I guess. I mean, I really had no idea how time passed, I didn’t have a watch or anything.  I just know there were a lot of days the sun rose up and went down.”

    “Jesus Jason… how did you eat or anything?” Elliot asked incredulously.

    “I found a stream not too far from this place; so I got plenty of water and was able to, you know, clean up and stuff.  I even got most of the blood washed out of my clothes for the most part, you know?  But I was so sore and everything, I mean, I couldn’t get around very good.  I don’t think anything was broken, but … I dunno, everything just hurt.   As for food, I don’t know… I mean, I remember there was this farm I found, and I was able to I steal some stuff from the garden.  Oh yeah, and there was some canned food and stuff somebody had left in that shelter thing.  Nothing that great, but hey, pork-n-beans were better than nothing.  They even dropped a can opener just outside that I found, so – I did okay, at least for a while.”

    Elliot whistled as he sat back, sinking into the couch further. “Dude, this is … I don’t know….”

    Jason suddenly smiled at him.  “I told you, it’s bad.  Sure you want me to keep going?” he asked grimly.

    “You stop now and I’ll never forgive you,” Elliot said softly. 

    “I know you wouldn’t.  But I have to warn you – it gets worse Elliot.”

    “I don’t care,” was the whispered reply.

    Jason took a deep breath.  “Like I said, I stayed in this thing for a long time.  When I started feeling better and stuff, you know, walk better and get around and everything, I knew I couldn’t stay.  Besides, I ran out of canned stuff, and there just wasn’t anything else much around there I could do for food.  I was getting hungry again, so one morning I left and just started walking.  I have no idea where or how far I went, or how long; I just kept going and going, like that battery commercial on TV, you know, the bunny?”  Clearly Elliot didn’t know, so Jason just grunted and then continued.  “I remember trying to not run around in circles or anything.  I finally got to this town somewhere and like I said,  I was hungry, starving more like it I guess.  Ummm, I don’t remember a lot there either, just that I remember finding food in some dumpsters and other places.  I know …“ he rushed in response to the sickening look that crossed Elliot’s features.  “it wasn’t the healthiest or anything, full of germs and crazy stuff for all I knew… Even gross, but…”

    “I’m sorry, I know, I mean, I understand…” Elliot intervened.

    Jason nodded as he lowered his gaze to the floor again.  He fell silent for a long time until Elliot squeezed his hand.  “Jason?”  The query was so soft the American almost did not hear it.

    “It’s okay, just remembering some stuff is all.”  He sighed deeply.  “Wherever I was, the town I mean, I remember it was bigger than I thought, because I started exploring and stuff and found a lot of hiding places where I could stay.  Then there was this park, too, where I liked to go sometimes.  I could sit on the benches or swings or stuff for hours, and I remember all these cops and people coming by at different times of the day.  No one paid any attention to me though.  I mean, I wasn’t in school and was young and who knows what else, you know?  It was funny – they didn’t care, or anything.  They just all ignored me.”

    “Why didn’t you go talk to them or something?”

    “And do what, tell them I was a runaway, and an orphan on top of that?  All they would do was turn me back over to social services again, and for all I knew they would put me back in that hell hole.  I wasn’t going to go back – no matter what.  If I ever got caught and was forced to go back, I would have probably killed myself.”

    For a moment, a look of alarm crossed Elliot as he studied his friend.  Although still dispassionate, he heard the resoluteness in Jason’s voice and inwardly it made a shiver run down his spine.  “Don’t… don’t say stuff like that, okay?”

    Jason looked up and smiled.  “Don’t worry; I told you while ago, I’m not one of those suicidal freaks.  I have to tell you though, back then… like I said, it was bad – bad enough I really did think that’s what I would have done in the end if it came down to it.  I wasn’t going to go back, period.”  He sighed.  “So anyway, like I said, cops didn’t care, nobody really noticed me – so after a while I thought I was pretty safe.”

    “Okay, so then what happened?”

    Jason squirmed a little.  “Elliot, it was – it was bad.  You sure you want to hear what’s left?  I mean –“

    “You promised, and I swore to you, cross my heart.  Don’t stop now, please?” Elliot added.

    Jason studied the youth for a moment before sighing.  “Listen, this stuff gives me nightmares, and I know what you’re saying, but… I really don’t want you having them, too.  I’m just scared.”

     “Of what though? You’re here now, you’re safe, you’re with me, no one is hurting you or anything, you know?”

     Jason thought about that before hanging his head.  “I-I’m also afraid of what you might think of m-me.”

    Elliot sat up and squeezed the hand again.  As the events had unfolded, all this time neither had broken contact with one another.  “Do you still trust me?”  When Jason nodded, he smiled back. “Then there is nothing you could tell me that would make me feel any different about you. I promise.”

    “I was in the park one night,” Jason finally continued.  “There was these two men, I don’t know how old, I had never saw them before or anything.  They sort of looked like me, just drifters I guess.  They were rough, wore old clothes, they were dirty and stinky and everything.  I think earlier that day I saw them hanging around the park some but that was about it.  I mean, I didn’t really notice them that much, you know?  If I had, I would have gotten out of there as far away as I could.  But – I was cold, hungry, depressed – and I was kind of weak and stuff.”

    Jason visibly shivered at this revelation, and Elliot leaned in closer – a gesture which seemed to calm his friend.  “There’s not a lot more than what you can probably already figure out.  They jumped me, pulled me off into some bushes and beat me up, ripped my clothes off … stripped me n-naked.”  Pausing and finding no change of expression in Elliot’s demeanor, he charged ahead.  “I tried to fight, I mean, I’m a pretty good fighter, you know, defending myself and stuff, but they… they… Anyway, then one of them tried to do it, you know, tried to... tried to shove his dick up in me.”

    Elliot’s compassion for his friend was overwhelming.  As he watched another tear escape and fall softly down Jason’s cheek, he found himself doing the same.  “Did you get away?” he asked softly, almost afraid of what he was going to hear.

    Jason shook his head.  He couldn’t continue for a moment, and in that time Elliot put together what had happened the night before.  He remember falling asleep, all snuggled into Jason’s back and that his groin had stirred for a time, right in the unluckiest of places insofar as Jason would feel; and Elliot realized what those feelings must have sent through his friend.  “I’m sorry about last night,” he cried softly, now understanding more and more why the American was so hesitant and uneasy about things.  “I’m sorry I pushed you into … into everything between us… I just, I wish…”

    Jason, however, looked up and smiled at him.  “Don’t be.  I knew what I was doing, and believe me I trust you far more than anyone I’ve ever trusted in my life, especially that way.  It’s just – you don’t know what it’s like having someone do that to you, not like what they did to me.  That’s why it is so hard when people touch me, you know?  But you don’t do that to me Elliot, not anymore.  And… and… I want you to touch me and hold me and stuff, I mean… How many times do I have to say it?  When you’re around me, I feel like I’m safe, you know?  That’s what you do for me.”  He paused and lifted their hands.  “You know, just you doing this.  Try this in school or anything, we’re dead meat, you know that? Try it in front of your parents and… and… maybe we wouldn’t be dead meat, but – it’s just not stuff guys do.  I know that, you know that, but here?  Right now?  This shows me how much you trust me, and I know how much I trust you, and… I know I have to tell you this, because I promised, and it, it just makes it easier.”  He laughed.  “Kind of stupid, right?”

    Elliot shook his head.  “No, not stupid at all,” he replied, and reaffirmed his grip until Jason smiled back at him and took another deep breath.

    “It’s like you said earlier tonight – it’s like we’re connected, this thing we have.”  He had once again begun to openly cry, and he had to pause to wipe his eyes with the back of his free hand.  He looked at the other boy again and grimly smiled.  “You want to hear what’s left?”  When the other boy nodded, he asked again, “Are you sure?”

    Elliot didn’t hesitate.  “Tell me Jase, tell me everything,” he whispered.

    Jason paused a few seconds to steady himself.  “Both of them tried it Elliot.  One would hold me down and then the other would, you know…  But I was – I was too tight I guess, or too little or something.  They couldn’t do it, and they got really pissed and started beating on me some more and… and… then one of them found this – thing.  I guess it was a stick or something, I don’t know, but they shoved it up inside me – deep.  It hurt like hell, you know?  It was so rough and they, they just shoved it up inside and I screamed and they twisted it and wiggled it around until I like, opened up more I guess, I don’t know.  Then they got whatever they were after.  They pulled it out and one of them… They just started doing it to me, taking turns, over and over again until they got what they wanted, until they got their dicks up inside of me and did it. They did it over and over for a long time, I think I may have even passed out, I don’t know.  It hurt, but I was beyond screaming anymore, you know?  I remember how sick it was, how they stunk, and how I felt, you know, all their jizz up inside of me.”  He grunted.  “Like I was some kind of two-bit whore or something like that old bastard was always telling me, you know?

    “That bastard was only trying to mess with your head Jason, you know that, right?”  Like his friend, he was crying as he withdrew his hand suddenly and placed it around Jason’s shoulders to pull themselves closer.  “Don’t think any of that shit was true, come on now!”

   Jason wiped at his tears with the back of his hands.  “Don’t you get it Elliot? They fucked me, the bastards royally screwed me like all hell was turned loose.  They didn’t care, they just did it, like, for hours – at least it seemed that way; and when they were done, they laughed about it.  They pissed on me and then just left me there under the bushes.  I remember laying there bleeding, hurting so bad; not just my ass but also because they had beat me …  I mean, I couldn’t move, I don’t even remember anything during or afterwards, it was like some weird dream I guess, but I know it was real.  I know because of all the pain that went with it.”

    “God Jase, I’m so sorry,” was all Elliot could think of to say.  He embraced the boy and there they sat for a few minutes, but to his surprise Jason seemed to calm down afterwards and compose himself.  After a moment the American pulled back and looked into Elliot’s eyes deeply.

    “That’s… that’s about all of it,” he surrendered.  “That’s what gives me my nightmares and… and…”  He didn’t finish the sentence, but there really wasn’t much to say: they both understood the price that had been paid.

    “It’s okay,” Elliot finally offered when he found his voice and could control his own emotions for the moment.

    “N-Now you know.  I – I just, I’m not afraid of you Elliot, I just… It’s kind of hard, you know? I mean, I meant what I said.  I’m like you: I feel this thing between us growing and everything.  I was really happy I could let everything happen that did last night, you know?  But – do you see now?  Do you understand why it just takes me some time, you know?  It’s got nothing with being naked with you, or you touching me or stuff.  I like it when we do stuff, you know? But – this, it’s hard, and… it’s not you, it’s…”

    Elliot almost started crying again. “I wish I had known, but… b-but I’m glad you did, I’m glad we did.  I’m glad you told me.”  They both nodded at each other before Elliot eventually sat back and grabbed his friends hand once more, locking fingers.  “W-What happened next?  How did you get out?”

    “I don’t know.  I mean, seriously, after that I don’t remember much of anything except waking up next in a bed at some hospital.  There was this nurse who told me, I think, that some stranger lady found me the next morning or something and called 911.  The only thing I know is that they found me, got me to the hospital, and somehow figured out who I was.”  Jason grunted.  “When I finally woke up there was this social worker.  She didn’t talk to me much, just asked me some questions about why did I run away, if I was having problems why didn’t I come to them or call, you know – shit like that.  The whole time we talked, you could see like she really cared - not.  She wouldn’t even give me time to answer anything before she just plowed on, like she was reading from some rehearsed script or something.”

    “And?”

    “I wouldn’t answer anything – I couldn’t answer anything.  They were all out to screw me, see? Maybe not up my ass, but you know what I mean.  That’s what it felt like anyway.”  He laughed.  “There I was in all my used up glory, just another problem on their hands. They never asked me once about what happened that night.  In fact, I overheard them talking a couple of times, they were more worried about why I had to be the shitty troublemaker, you know?  Like, why couldn’t I have stayed put and out of their way…”

    Hearing his friend laugh made Elliot feel uneasy.  He tried to imagine himself in the other’s shoes, but he could not comprehend it.  “Jason?  I-“

    “No, don’t say anything Elliot.  Look, I know how you feel, and you feel sorry for me and all that, but don’t.  It’s one of the reasons I’ve told no one about any of it – I don’t want to be a pity case, at least I think that’s what you rdad called it once.  I don’t want other people seeing me and everything like, being humiliated and stuff.  I’ve been dealing with it, and I’m getting better, and a lot of it is because of you.”  He smiled as he admitted it again.  “Yeah, I admit it.  You’re my best friend, maybe the only one I’ve ever really had in my whole life, okay?  I don’t know why I feel that way or what it all means, but after what you told me earlier?  I got this big lump in my throat and this feeling in my gut.  You asked me the other night what’s changed – well, I’ve changed.  I’ve been getting better, and it’s because I’m learning how much I can trust you.  No – not like that – I mean, I’m learning to like, teach myself how to trust again.” He laughed.  “I don’t know man; I guess I’m still screwed up in my head some, but… Your Mom and Dad have been great, you know?  But it’s you Elliot: you’re the one that’s been doing everything that’s made me feel better since I got here.

    They sat in silence for a moment before Jason spoke again.  “Remember what you said about thinking I would be a stuck up creep?  Well, that’s funny because when I came over here, I figured you guys would be like a bunch of stuck-up assholes too, just like you thought about me.  I was worried you guys would try to make an English kid out of me or something, but I was prepared to do it if it meant getting away from all of that over there.  Your Dad changed that though.  From the time we first met at the airport, he like, reached inside of me and knew what I was afraid of and everything, you know?”

    Elliot was still at a loss of words as Jason took a deep breath.  “You know, when they first told me they found you guys and when I learned I was coming over here, it was like, so cool and everything – because like I said, I knew I could leave all those fuckers over there and they could take their fucking rules and sex and problems and everything and go to hell with it.”  He shook his head.  “Sheesh, now you’ve got me swearing!” he intoned with amusement before sighing.

    “Sorry,” Elliot replied sheepishly.

    “Don’t be.  I was like, not sure how I would talk over here at all until you started swearing some.”  He grinned.  “Meh, I don’t know, I never really swore before Dad died, he would always get after me and everything.  Seems like since then though, well… At least now I don’t have to feel so guilty about it, I guess.”  When he saw Elliot grin back at him, he thought for a moment before continuing.  “Elliot, I was getting away from all of that crap, and probably for the first time in a long time I felt good about it, too.  I mean, I was still scared, because I was like, jumping into unknown stuff again, right?  I mean, about coming over here and everything.  But don’t you see?  That first night I was here with you guys was really scary, and … and, when you told me you would be scared too if you were me, I was like, ‘holy shit’!   I mean, you guys did nothing wrong to make me feel that way, it was just that first night and everything, a bed and then…”  He giggled.  “Don’t take this the wrong way, okay? But I was even scared about sharing the same bed with you some.  I don’t know, it was just so weird and all to me, you know?  But you said what you did to me and I felt so much better.  I really did, and I think I slept all night – no dreams, no nothing.”

    “I’m glad,” Elliot offered, whispering softly.

    Looking up he once again captured Elliot’s eyes with a fierce intensity. “So now, I’m dealing with it, and its’ okay.  It’s not going to hang over me the rest of my life, you know? But it … it’s like I keep telling you, it’s taking me time I guess.  I just – I need you, okay? I admit it, along with everything else, just don’t – don’t hate me for it, okay?  At least not right now...”

    “Why would you think I’d hate you for it?” Elliot asked softly.

    “Because I got fucked, okay? I got screwed and … and…”

    “Stop Jason,” Elliot whispered.  “I don’t care about that stuff, honest.  And for the record, you didn’t get fucked – you got raped, okay?  Blimey, maybe you see it in some weird way, but over here rape is rape, and even guys like us, like me – WE don’t consider it the same thing, okay?  Yeah, I know, in some ways getting screwed is… well, I know, okay?  But you got raped, and none of that is your fault.  Besides, I don’t care about that stuff, dude - what I care about is you and what’s inside of you – that’s all.”

    Jason just stared at the boy confused.  “But…”

    Elliot shook his head.  “No buts Jason, I mean it.  I don’t care, I honestly don’t care whether you got naked with a hundred girls or guys and you screw all of them or if they screw you, okay?  I mean, I know you enough now to know better than that, but don’t YOU see?”  He reached out and touched his friend’s chest, his fingertips just brushing over his heart.  “I know what you have inside here now, okay?  And I finally understand what’s wrong, and… and…  That’s all I care about.  It’s all any of us care about, because we like you, we all love you.”  His voice fell to a whisper again.  “I love you, too.”

    Jason studied that a minute, then sheepishly shook his head.  “You’re amazing, you know that?” he whispered.

    Elliot smiled.  “Not as much as you are.  Sheesh, it’s sort of like you said,you’ve been in hell and somehow come back, alive.  I don’t think I could have done half as good as you did, if it had happened to me I mean.” 

    There was a silence to envelope them both as Jason was lost in his thoughts.  The more this kid opened up to him, the more he realized how much alike they really were.  For Elliot’s part, he felt torn inside.  He was young and inexperienced with this stuff, and he knew it without hesitation.  Still, he didn’t know what to do or say that could help his friend, and that made him feel worse than before.  He expected something, probably the abuse, but not like this had come out.  No wonder Jason had the nightmares, he thought.  He saw now he really had been missing more than he could have caught, but for some reason it didn’t bother Elliot that much.

    “Thanks Jase, thanks for telling me this stuff.”

    Jason shrugged his shoulders.  “I just hope it doesn’t bug you as much any,” was the whispered reply.  “I honestly thought I would be able to hide it, to keep it all in.”

    Elliot squeezed his friend’s hand.  “Yeah, well, maybe that’s some kind of a sign, you know, about how much we’re finally getting to know each other.  I mean maybe it just took this long to let it sink in that there are people here who care about you.”

    Jason smiled.  “Yeah, maybe…”

    Elliot hesitated a minute, thinking about how he was going to say next.  He somehow felt Jason wouldn’t want to hear it, but even to be as young as he was, Elliot was smart enough to know he had to try.  “Umm, Jase?”

    “Yeah?”

    Elliot took a deep breath.  ‘Here goes,’ he told himself.  “Listen, I promised I’ll never tell anyone anything, and I’ll keep it.  You don’t have to worry about that.”

    Jason smiled.  “I know.  I told you, I trust you.”

    Elliot smiled back nervously.  “Good, but then at least hear me out on this, okay? I have to say it at least once, and I kind of figure you’re not going to like it, but you have to hear it at least once, from me, okay?” 

    Jason stiffened slightly, but then relaxed and nodded slowly, thinking he already knew where this was going to go. 

    “This kind of stuff dude, you really shouldn’t keep it inside.  You really should tell someone, maybe my Dad or… please wait.”  Jason had begun to shake his head as Elliot started, so he plunged forward quickly.  “Like I said, I know what you’re thinking, okay?  Just remember though, I told you I’d keep my promise, and I swear I will.  But at least hear me out bro: this kind of stuff – it’s like, eating away at you inside, and someone, or somebody who knows about how to deal with this stuff, well…  I mean, I hate seeing it hurt you so much inside, you know?  I’m just saying Jase…  At least think about talking to someone, okay?”

    Jason surprised him by smiling.  “I did; I talked with you.”

    Elliot felt his chest fill with emotion, and it was everything he could do to keep it in check for the moment.  “Maybe… maybe after a while you’ll feel better about talking with someone else.  I know, maybe you won’t, too – but promise me you’ll at least think about it.  You don’t know how much I want to help, to take some of it away from you and everything, but – I can’t, I don’t know how.  All I can do is just hang around, you know, be here.”  He sighed.  “At least think about telling what happened with those old people, I mean, think about it: what if they get hold of another kid and start that shit all over again?  You might at least get it stopped…”

    Jason stared into the youth’s eyes for a long time.  “I admit, I never thought of that,” he replied slowly.  Shaking his head, he looked again to the floor.  “For me, it’s enough, just being here is enough, you know?”  He knew what Elliot was saying made sense.  “Okay, I trust you, so yeah – I promise I’ll at least think about it.  Just – don’t push me on the rest, okay?  I gave in and told you, I mean, that’s got to be enough for a while anyways.  Just don’t push me on it.”

    “I won’t, I promise, and Jase – I keep my promises.”  Reaching out, he tugged on Jason’s hand and placed it over his heart.  He hesitated and then decided to pull it under his shirt so that the boy could feel him. “That’s my heart Jason; I promise I won’t tell, but don’t forget you have to at least think about talking to someone someday, okay?”

    Jason thought the gesture was unusual, but he realized what the boy was doing for him and smiled.  “Okay,” he whispered.  He could feel the beating underneath his fingertips, and it calmed him even more.  “So, what now?” he asked gently after a moment.

    Elliot frowned, looking up at the clock.  They still had at least a couple of hours before anyone was due to return.  He giggled.  “I don’t know… Kind of hard to top all of this, you know?” He was smiling, and Jason knew what he was implying.  Neither had counted on any of this, but both were now bound in such a way it couldn’t have turned out any better for them.

    They both sat still for several minutes, holding hands again, their fingers locked.  Jason felt like he didn’t want to let go, and Elliot made no attempts to pull away.  As he watched his friend, Jason thought a lot about what had just happened, and before long, a realization came to him.  “You want to know something?”  When Elliot looked up at him, he continued.  “You said I needed to tell someone, and I told you. And guess what?  I really do feel better about it, you know?”  He wrinkled his nose.  “It’s like this weight on me… it’s gone right now, and I don’t know, it just – it just feels different.”  He squeezed his friends hand again.  “And of all the people I know, I’m really kind of glad it was you.”

    Elliot smiled at the revelation.  “Does that mean I can hug you then?”  They both burst out laughing at that, but although Jason hesitated, he eventually pulled the other kid around so that the boy was laying halfway in his lap.  Grabbing hold, they embraced so close with one another and so fully, Jason found that peace and calmness that had been seeping into him all night long.

    “You told me and I told you – anytime, right?”

    “Yep,” was the whispered reply.

    Jason grinned and whispered, “Good, you’ve got holding duty again tonight when we go to bed.”

    Elliot giggled.  “Hey now, I like to be held too, you know!”

    Jason pulled back just far enough to whisper into his friend’s ear.  “Then we’ll hold each other.”

    “Damned straight we will!” was the whispered reply.

    Both boys were quiet for over a minute, each lost in their own thoughts.  Jason was getting an idea, one that as he worked it out, it surprised even him.  At first he discarded it, but sitting here holding his friend, he was having another feeling encompass him so completely.  After all this time, after all he had been avoiding it, he wondered if he could do it now.  Thinking back over the last couple of hours, even the last couple of days, surprisingly he didn’t feel like he had anything to hide anymore.   As the idea started to form up in his mind, he reared back with a mischievous look in his eyes.  “I’m thinking about something we can do.”

    Elliot’s eyebrow reached upward.  “Okay, what?”  The tone was both friendly and warm.  Jason glanced about at the floor and walls around them as he contemplated.

    “I don’t know, just…. I’m not sure if, like, you’d want to or anything or…”

    Elliot laughed before pinching his friend.  “Out with it!” he demanded, giggling.

    Jason brought his eyes back until they met with the other, and there they stared at each other for a minute before he gently pushed the boy away.  “Okay, wait here,” he whispered as he rose and disappeared from the room.  Elliot was amused and curious at the same time.  He could hear Jason racing up the stairs and cross the floor above them to their room, and within a short time afterwards return.  Jason did not immediately reappear once he reached the bottom of the steps however, which piqued Elliot’s curiosity even more.  Still, he waited patiently, and was finally rewarded when Jason appeared in the doorway.

    There was something about the boy’s expression that made Elliot pause.  “Okay, what’s going on?”

    Jason, however, said nothing.  He stood in the doorway for a few more seconds before he slowly crossed the floor to where his friend still sat.  Quietly he extended his hand, which Elliot reached for and welcomed the assistance to climb to his feet.   There they stood for a few seconds again before Jason gently tugged on the boy, indicating he should follow him as he started walking backwards toward the opening.  Elliot giggled, still confused but loving the mysteriousness of it all as he willingly obeyed.  Jason continued to smile as he gently tugged and guided the youth, until they moved through the doorway and down the hall into the kitchen.

    Crossing to the back wall, he gently led his friend inside the bathroom before he shut the door.  Elliot could sense something was getting serious at this point.  “Jase…” he began, but his friend put a finger to his lips to hush him, so he obeyed.

    What happened next would be forever burned into Elliot’s memories for years to come.  His friend, slowly but with a determination that held no reservation, reached out and grabbed hold of bottom of Elliot’s t-shirt.  He lifted it up, causing Elliot to hesitate.  His eyes started to grow bigger when he began to realize what was going to happen, and for second his jaw dropped in shock.  Jason kept smiling though, and when he finally nodded at his friend in reassurance, Elliot lifted his arms and the shirt rolled off the tips of his fingers.

    The light in the bathroom was brighter than the light of their room, and for whatever reason it might be, it seemed to have a different quality about it.  Jason marveled at the other youth’s chest, slowly brushing his fingertips across it, dwelling here and there to press gently and feel the skin that slid by under his touch.  He paused at each of Elliot’s nipples and fingered just the tips, looking closer now and realizing how insane his comment had been before.  Both boys were really built about the same, he figured.

    Briefly Elliot closed his eyes, unable to believe not only what was happening, but that it was happening in a way as sensual as it felt.  When the fingers played down his chest to his navel, he opened his eyes to see Jason smirking at him, but in a fun, cool sort of way.  He stood there awestruck, thinking about how far the two of them had come in such a short time, until Jason reached for his hands and tugged him closer.  Guiding him, he let Elliot take hold of his own shirt and waited.

    Of all the times he had played and even dreamed of something like this before, it had never been quite to this degree.  He wanted to shower yeah, IF that’s what they were going to do.  He wasn’t sure if it was going to go that far or not – at least, not until his eyes fell on the bundle of clothes that were on the shelf beside the sink.  Recognizing them, he understood then and realized that it was really going to happen.  Jason had gone to their room and gathered fresh underwear and clothes.  He stared at the boy, his hands still clinging to the bottom of the shirt, and his eyes filled with wonder.  “You sure?” he asked, his voice soft as a whisper.

    Jason nodded again and gave both of Elliot’s hands a tug before reaching for the sky.  Slowly Elliot did it, reciprocating what had been done for him, and suddenly two boys were standing in the bathroom, shirtless, their garments fallen to the floor beside them.  Elliot took a few seconds to mimic what Jason had done to him, taking his time to reach out and touch, to feel what the American was like.  This was new territory for him as well; not often did boys get to really examine another boy up close, not this personal.  It wasn’t just the examination though; Elliot could feel their connection yet again and to him – it was just right.

    Eventually Jason stepped closer still and pulled open his belt, unhooking it from the loop.  He stood with his arms to his side and waited, causing Elliot to look down in confusion.  After a few seconds had passed he finally realized that he had no belt on like his American friend.  Jason was trying to get him to even up the score, he guessed.  Grinning briefly, he grabbed hold of the end and, with a little guidance, threaded it around Jason’s waist until he could pull it came clear. 

    Once done, Jason stepped even closer until he could set his foot down on top of Elliot’s.  Using his toes, he managed to pin down Elliot’s sock to the floor, and for once Elliot understood immediately.  He withdrew his foot, pulling free from the sock his friend held pinned to the floor for him.  They repeated the performance for the other foot, and then Elliot again reciprocated and did the same for his Jason. 

    Both boys were now even, and both were now about to enter into more unknown territory with one another.  Sure, they had undressed to some degree each night before getting into bed, but never this way – never  this purposeful.  Elliot knew he wanted to do this, but he couldn’t help but feel like his friend was only doing it for him – and that bothered Elliot, especially now that everything had finally come out.  “Jase…” he started again, but hesitated.  What could he say – and how – to be sure of the magic of this moment?

    Jason sensed the nervousness and uncertainty and smiled again.  Leaning in close, he finally broke the silence that had engulfed him now for a long time, and he whispered into his friend’s ear.  “It’s okay, I promise.  I have nothing to hide anymore. I want to do it, too.”

    Elliot met the smile that reached out and disarmed him.  Slowly Jason unsnapped and unzipped Elliot’s jeans.  He wondered how the heck the kid ever kept them up, especially without a belt, given they seemed a size or two too large.  The front flapped open on either side, and grinning widely Jason locked his gaze with Elliot while he reached around and worked the jeans loose from his friend’s hips.  Within seconds they descended on their own to the floor, gravity taking over as Jason waited for his friend to step out of them, one leg at a time.

    With his hands shaking, Elliot tried to do the same, although the jeans Jason wore were fitted a little better.  As he mimicked the other boy though, he found he couldn’t just push them off Jason’s hips without them also pulling his briefs down part of the way in tandem.  He giggled nervously when he finally had to break eye contact and look down.  Jason made no move to stop him or to help; he could have cared less if he lost everything at once or not.  Elliot didn’t want it that way though, so he hooked his thumbs in the right places and worked the jeans down, while tugging his friend’s briefs back up in place.  Jason finally giggled at him, but maintained his stance holding his arms loosely to his side.  Elliot had to bend over and actually push the garment to the floor and help hold each of the legs until Jason could step out of it.  Unlike his friend however, Jason had to steady himself against Elliot while they worked it out before the last finally came free.

    Elliot found it hard not to let his eyes stray a little as he stood back up, noticing that his friends groin was partially filled it seemed.  It made him feel better because he knew that his own state was close to matching it, but he quickly reasserted himself with a deep breath as he stood.  The final leg of this part of the adventure was now at hand.  Jason stood looking smugly now, grinning at the other boy and Elliot could not help but be caught up in the infectious moment.  Before either went any farther though, Elliot turned and stepped into the shower, activating the faucet and working the handles until the stream of water reached the desired temperature.  As he turned around, he returned and stood in front of his friend. 

    “You ready?” he asked quietly.  Jason glanced around the room for a second and then nodded.  He whispered again.  “You first.”

    Elliot shook his head.  “It’s your turn.”

    Jason giggled.  “Yeah, but I started it all.  Now you have to finish it.”  Seeing the look Elliot gave him back made him laugh for some reason, but he understood what his friend was feeling at the moment.  If anyone had even remotely suggested this even 24 hours before, he would have laughed it off as absurd. Yet here he was – Jason – leading them into something he was as carefree as anyone could feel.  He knew what was about to happen, understood it all the way – and when he looked at Elliot, he knew this was the kid he felt safe with.  This was the kid who broke into his shell, and in the last few hours changed his world.  Jason felt like he owed him, and at the same time he wanted to do something fun, something totally off the wall.  There was no issue of trust anymore; Jason felt completed relaxed with Elliot right now, no matter what.

    And THIS is what had come to him earlier, and THIS is what he knew would be cool for them both.

    While he was thinking, he wondered for a second if Elliot would go through with it – like this.  Had he missed the signals, or misunderstood what all the hints had led up to?  That was his hesitation at first, but as he watched the other kid, he discarded it all.  He figured that no, Elliot hadn’t quite planned on it this way, but the youth knew the signs were there.  Jason knew it was real, and looking at Elliot now, he knew the other youth understood this was real, too.  Not just what they were doing, but what they were about to do – and he felt okay with it.  Leaning into his friend’s ear again, he whispered above the sound of the running water.  “Come on, I know you’ve wanted to do this, maybe not exactly like this, but I told you: I trust you.  So just do it, okay?  I promise: I’m 100% okay with it.  Just umm… don’t laugh at me if I get a boner, all right?”  He said it to break the tension, to let the other boy he was committed.  He really did feel that he had nothing left to hide anymore.  Not that he had ever had anything to hide insofar as his body went to begin with, but it was more of what was bottled up inside of him.  That part of him felt free now, and it made him feel better.

    Elliot leaned back to look at the other’s face and was truly surprised to see both shyness and a bit of embarrassment in that last statement.  Without looking down, he replied, “You mean, like the one I’ve already got?”   Jason glanced down quickly at the tented garment pointing out at him and was surprised as he looked back up into Elliot’s grinning face.  He was glad, because now it told him Elliot was committed as much as he was.  He stepped closer when the other boy didn’t move and grabbed Elliot’s hands in each of his own.  Gently he pulled them to his sides, guiding them to the waistband of his briefs.   

    With a slow push at first, but gathering more courage as he circled his fingers around the inside of the elastic, Elliot started at the back and pushed the cloth down before circling around to the front.  With a quick glance downward, he observed Jason’s hard-on with a judgmental eye before returning to lock his gaze with his friend.  “Okay, here goes,” he whispered, pulling the fabric out just far enough in front to clear what was there and keeping it from snagging in the cloth.  More by feel than anything, he knew when it was clear, so afterwards he pushed the garment the rest of the way down the sides and dropped it over his friend’s hips until it fell free. 

    Jason kept smiling as he stepped free, and he maintained eye contact with Elliot all the while.  Both of them were on the verge of giggling, but Elliot refused to look down like he wanted to, holding out at least until Jason had returned the favor. 

    Standing naked before the boy, Jason was amused when Elliot did not look down at him, but he said nothing.  After a few seconds, he stepped closer to the boy and reached to grab the sides of his waistband in similar fashion, but changed his mind by grabbing the bottom of his friend’s briefs instead.    There he tugged them down about halfway or more, before he stopped and played with the waistband.  There his fingers were inserted just barely as he circled around the front a few times, clearly brushing the top of Elliot’s pubic bush that was just barely visible at the rim.  There he slowed and paused, touching and feeling them a little before suddenly he brushed against something else.  Realizing the sponging, warm shaft was beginning to encroach upwards toward him, he grinned and pulled away before circling around to the back and gradually pushing the garment down the rest of the way down.  Returning to the front he slowly pulled out until he could feel Elliot’s hardening member come free.  All the while, he maintained his eye contact with Elliot, and both were grinning like little kids, caught up in an erotic fantasy that was proving to be wickedly fun.  As the briefs cleared and fell, Elliot stepped free of them and then both boys were poised, naked as the other with nothing more to separate them from the world.  They stood close for a moment, and suddenly giggled even more as their penises found and rubbed each other once.  Neither however made a move to step away.

    Contemplating whether he should make a move of some sort or not, Elliot received yet another surprise when Jason slowly reached out and embraced him.  Not just a casual hug either, because he found himself pulled in close, with their bodies pressed onto one another completely.  It sandwiched their groins to each other, their midsections and chests; Elliot even thought he could feel Jason’s heartbeat mingle with his own.  At first he was frozen in place from the surprise and awe of it all, but his body began reacting to the newfound warmth and he found it craved the simple intimacy of the moment.  He started hugging Jason firmly just then, and his friend responded in kind.  The sensory overload it gave the both of them was overwhelming, and each boy found himself pressing harder into the other.  Jason rubbed his friends back, brushing his fingers up and down the entire length of his friend.   “Oh my God,” he heard Elliot whispered as the youth nuzzled Jason’s warm neck.

    Jason had already closed his eyes long before that moment, hugging and clawing at the other body in his arms as if his life depended on it.  Time stood still for him; never had he imagined what he was feeling now to be so… so perfect.  More than once he tried to close the distance even more, although both were sandwiched and snuggled in every way they could be.  Aside from the intimacy, both boys groins were relishing new sensations usually reserved for an older age, but neither really cared right now.  Jason thought about what Elliot had said earlier: if it just felt so right, how could it be wrong?  At that moment, he could care less how wrong it might be.   Right now his friend, his very best friend in the whole world, someone who had already adopted him, kind of, as a brother – was freely giving him something he never thought he could enjoy.  The feeling was electrifying, and he held his breath as he swallowed all of it that he could relish.  There was completeness about it, weird as that seemed; it was one Jason found comforting, and perhaps that was what allowed him to lower and toss all of his inhibitions away.  He was so glad he had, and inside he felt really happy at the moment. 

    Sighing, he finally spoke again.  “Told you – I love you.  Thanks for thinking of me as a brother,” he whispered.  Elliot just clung and hugged him harder. 

    Eventually Eliot whispered back, “Thanks for not hating me, for giving me – this. I love you, too, honest.”

    Jason pulled back and away with a pleasant expression.  Gone was the mischievousness and replaced with the genuine happiness he was feeling.  Grabbing Elliot’s hand, he tugged until both of them entered the shower and closed the door.  Inside they found plenty of room for each other as he reached out and grabbed a washcloth before squeezing a generous amount of body wash onto it.  Elliot stared at his back, watching him and was surprised when the American turned to him and placed the wash cloth in his own hands.  “Only one rule: you wash me all over, got it? No holding out,” he spoke softly, his voice just carrying above the sound of the running water.  He figured they would get to that point anyway, but he wanted to make sure Elliot understood how committed he was.

    Elliot’s eyes grew big again and, although his face reddened somewhat, he grinned.  “You sure?”  He understood the implication, and in answer Jason turned to the wall and lifted his arms above his head.  There Elliot reached out and started to both lather up and scrub the boy, from the top of his neck downward, in slow strokes.  Jason giggled at him.  “Um, I’m not gonna break you know.”

    Elliot grinned and obeyed then, becoming more thorough in his endeavor.  When he reached the sides, he did slow down and feel his way more gently because he didn’t want to tickle his friend any more than was necessary.  From their wrestling episodes, he knew the American’s ticklish spots under his arms and downward.  After he finished, Jason lowered both of his arms to his sides but did not turn.

    Stepping back and adjusting his position slightly, Elliot’s hands began to shake again as he started gently probing the washcloth up and down his friends crack.  Jason could feel the nervousness and, after a moment, reached back and pulled his friend up close.  “Sheesh, stop shaking so much, okay?” 

    “S-Sorry,” Elliot replied.  Jason turned and grinned at him, making eye contact for a moment before he felt Elliot steady himself.  Letting go, he returned to the wall, letting his friend continue.  Here the other boy fulfilled his promise, his hands working firmer but far from rough.  He couldn’t help it; as much as Jason appeared to avoid it, Elliot’s curiosity got the best of him as he took his time and observed everything he could up close.  He saw the nakedness there, and knew he was doing something nobody would normally do.  Gently he pulled the cheeks apart, letting the warm water rinse down from overhead and clear away the suds and soap that had gathered.  He saw nothing out of the ordinary, and was suddenly glad his friend didn’t seem to have any residual effects – at least physically – from his ordeal.  Almost as quickly as he did it, he released the flesh in embarrassment, hoping Jason wouldn’t take it too personal.

    Jason giggled again before turning around.  When Elliot just stood and watched him, he couldn’t help glancing again up and down.  Jason kept smiling and broke the silence again, speaking softly as if afraid someone might overhear.  “Come on, we can’t keep that thing out there heating up water all night!  Didn’t your Dad say it had a kind of time limit and stuff?”  As Elliot’s face reddened again, Jason leaned in and whispered.  “I’ll let you look at me all you want later, but right now though…”

    “Yeah, I guess you’re right…”  Elliot nodded, thoroughly chastised.  He then proceeded to wash his friend’s shoulders and neck before moving down to the chest.  Jason willingly obliged him by raising both arms outward again, and Elliot briefly thought about tickling him but decided against it.  As he moved down onto the boy’s tummy, he felt his way more than anything, grinning as he poked Jason’s navel. 

    “Yow! You just wait till your turn!” he whispered aloud, giggling at the same time.  Elliot smiled and then dropped his hands even further.  When he hesitated at the top of Jason’s groin, his friend saw the uncertainty once again and rolled his eyes.  Without a word, he gently grabbed Elliot’s hand with his own and guided it until it was on top of his sporting wood.  Up to that moment he hadn’t been all that stiffened up; the sensuality they had experienced had brought a whole new dimension to the feelings he garnered down there, but surprisingly his boner hadn’t been fully engulfed as he had feared it might be.  That changed now though as the other boy took hold of him.  He tensed and closed his eyes – not from fear – but from the surge of electricity he could feel inside from just the touch.  Until that moment, he had never been touched that way in living memory except by his own hand, and having someone else do it, especially now and in this way, was electrifying.  It made him gasp in pleasure, and the expression Elliot saw when he looked up at the astonished face made him smile.

    “You really are okay with this, aren’t you?” he asked.

    Jason nodded, his eyes continuing to close and relish the moment.  “Oh yeah, I’m great!”  His voice was suddenly pitched high as he tried to make it sound as normal as possible, but failed miserably.

    It was Elliot’s turn to giggle before asking, “You’ve never done anything like this? With no one?”

    Jason shook his head.  “Nope,” he whispered in reply.  He didn’t trust his voice again, and Elliot understood as his friends’ dick hardened in his hand.  He gently squeezed it a couple of times, the soapy suds adding a new dimension to the sensations as it worked slippery around his friend.  Jason almost fell then, his knees buckling beneath him.  Elliot caught him however and silently persuaded him to lean back against the wall.

    Elliot looked down at the hardened skin that floated in his palm.  Dropping to his knees, he finally decided he wanted, if even only for a few seconds, to see it up close.  He knew Jason had said later, but he was afraid later might not be as intimate as it was now.  Even so, Jason did not pull away or make any attempts to hide himself, because he knew his friend was as curious as he was himself.  He slouched and braced himself better because as Elliot ‘played’ with him, he gradually felt as if he was getting weaker.  He only honestly hoped he wouldn’t end up letting go the new sensations that started tingling inside, a well known feeling he was familiar with, but from what seemed a lifetime ago.

    As if he sensed it though, Elliot started rubbing and washing Jason’s groin in a more methodical way that wasn’t as stimulating as to make his friend reach the orgasm that surely would have built otherwise.  Slowly he moved his fingers and the washcloth through the small patch of brown pubic hair he found, before moving on around each testicle one at a time, noting how low they hung from the rest of his friend’s package.  He wondered if his own did that, as he had never really taken note of it as far as he could remember.  When he finally grabbed hold of his friend’s penis again, he heard Jason gasp and glancing up he saw the boy was still in his fantasy land, eyes closed and breathing rapidly.  He couldn’t help but smile, and for some reason it made him feel proud he could do this and give this special treatment to the other youth.  He thought back briefly and remembered well the feeling you got when this happened, and he wanted suddenly to give his friend the full benefit of it.

    Elliot looked down at what he was holding.  Not surprisingly, he saw his Jason was circumcised, something he knew that most Americans followed as a practice.  Jason’s dick wasn’t thick like some he had seen in school, but being as solid and filled as it was now, it did have a curve to it that made it poke upward when left untouched.  The end was shiny, purplish even compared to the rest of him, and the slit stared up at him as if saying, ‘Okay, here I am.’  He considered taking his friend all the way to that point of no return, but hearing a grunt, Elliot glanced up again and saw Jason smiling down at him.  Seeing the wistful expression, he knew the moment was now lost as he recalled the point made earlier.  They were on a time limit, and he suddenly felt guilty because here he was using up a lot of the time being shared between them.  Reluctantly Elliot grabbed hold again and quickly but gently massaged the flesh until it was soaped over.  Then he pushed Jason back gently under the stream of water again until the whole area was rinsed.

    Elliot made short order of the legs and feet, moving the cloth up and down each leg rapidly to finish the job.  He was really glad to see Jason had fewer hairs than he first thought, because many of the other kids in his class were getting much hairier faster than he was.  Seeing that Jason was pretty much like himself, he didn’t feel so bad.

    When he stood up and finally started to reach for another washcloth, Jason stopped him and pulled the cloth he had from his hand.  Smiling he turned and reached for more body wash before he started scrubbing the cloth together.  Elliot grinned sheepishly at the thought afterwards because he had no idea what he was doing.  A cloth was a cloth, clean no matter what like this, especially between them.  He slowly assumed his position underneath the shower’s nozzle.  Inside he felt a growing excitement, because even though he and Derek had showered before, neither had bothered to do what he and Jason were doing now.

    Unlike Elliot, Jason moved quickly about the youth’s body, washing various areas rapidly.  It surprised Elliot as he watched, and felt, his friend rubbing his hands all over him so quickly.  Jason did slow down when it came time to work Elliot’s butt and genitals, but there was still a sense of urgency about his movements.  When Jason reached Elliot’s groin, he didn’t hesitate as Elliot had.  He may have never done anything like it before, as he had said, but he felt no strangeness in doing it and overall that both surprised and pleased Elliot.  He watched as it seemed the American wasn’t nervous at all, and solemnly he wished he could have had that much confidence.  Jason did look up and grin at him, but he cleaned the area with as much thoroughness as he had been handled, just without all the time and observation.  Elliot’s expression was wistful, almost disappointed, as he again chastised himself for having taken up so much their time – time away from his friend, who might have enjoyed looking at him as much as he had the other way around.  He felt guilty thinking too that maybe he had gone too far earlier, maybe done things he shouldn’t have done.  Jason was definitely not paying him as much attention.  At first he thought maybe Jason had wanted him to, had wanted the attention.  The youth was definitely going out of his way to make this a night for Elliot – that much was for sure.  Still, he could not help but think that maybe, just maybe, he had been wrong.

    When Jason finished, he stood in front of his friend and smiled, seeing the long face that met him.  Playfully he poked his friend on the nose until the boy broke out of his trance and laughed at him.  As if sensing his friend’s thoughts, he reached out and wrapped his fingers around Elliot’s penis and used it to pull them close.  Thinking that his friend was going to say something to him again, Elliot closed the distance but was surprised as Jason used his body and playfully maneuvered them both until they stood under the shower again. 

    Jason held the hardening member in his palm for a moment longer, gently squeezing it as Elliot had done for him, trying to once again tell him that he wasn’t afraid.  By now, the water was cooling down, so quickly he closed in and pushed until both were getting their hair wet.  Standing there, Jason quickly let go and gathered the shampoo, lathering his hair before he did the same for Elliot.  Again Elliot chastised himself for not thinking of it earlier; with his help though, both boys were able to quickly finish that last task before Jason turned off the water.  Their wet bodies dripped profusely, and both boys stood to observe each other again, until first one and then the other giggled.

    Opening the door, Jason tugged his friend outside into the much cooler room.  No longer protected by the warmth of the water, or by the warmth each had shared with the other as they had earlier, both knew it would be no time before they started shivering.  Still, Jason was not to be overly rushed.  He grabbed a towel and turned to his friend, playfully smacking Elliot’s hand away when he grabbed for it.  He quickly dried his friend off by taking hold of one arm and then the other, followed by the rest of his chest and back.  Bending down, he quickly assailed Elliot’s legs and crotch before he stood up and turned him around to take care of his back.  Facing each other again, he handed the towel to Elliot and watched as he reciprocated the favor completely, with the added step of drying Jason’s hair for him.  He moved quickly because he was getting cold, and he knew his friend had to be as well. 

    Seeing the bundle of clothes again, he grabbed them and found two pair of briefs inside, which he quickly bent over and helped Jason step into before pulling them up.  After pulling his own over each leg, Jason quickly unfurled two t-shirts and repeated the performance for them both.  When it came to the sweats, Elliot started to unfold them when Jason caught him by the hand.  Looking up, he saw the boy sheepishly smiling at him.  “Um, you ready to go up to our room a while? Maybe we could warm up some more, you know…”

    Elliot smiled. “Really?” he asked.  When Jason nodded he started toward the door, but paused as he saw Jason suddenly pick up their clothes and other traces of things the two had left behind.  Once again he chastised himself as the American was obviously thinking ahead for the both of them.  “Sorry, I didn’t think,” he apologized as the boy reached him.

    Jason shrugged his shoulders.  “Don’t be, I – you know, just didn’t want someone finding all this stuff and start thinking things.”  He stared deep into Elliot’s eyes and whispered, “That’s okay isn’t it?  I mean, we can keep this between us, can’t we?”  For a moment there was an uncertainty that struck him for the first time, but when Elliot leaned in to whisper back, he relaxed.

    “Are you kidding?  This is between you and me bro, and nobody else’s bloody fucking business!”

    Elliot grabbed him by the hand again and led the way out the door. In silence they rushed up the stairs and into their room, closing the door behind them.  Tossing the clothes and towel in the corner, Jason turned next to his friend as he turned the lamp on by the bed.  They stood in front of each other for a few seconds, grinning again as if they were little kids who had just finished raiding cookies from the forbidden cookie jar.  Within seconds however, Jason suddenly laughed out loud and tackled his friend back onto the bed, and there the two wrestled each other for several minutes.  They left behind the sensuous moments from before and returned to being the teen youths they had always been, physically roughing each other, catching holds and breaking them, maneuvering about both on the floor and the bed as if nothing had ever changed – short of their playfulness with each other.

    Finally it was Jason who gave in and let Elliot wind him up at one point, pinning him facedown onto the bed near their window.  When Elliot sensed it was over, he quickly pulled the covers around both of them, snuggling up tight with the American.  There they lay, cuddling and finding warmth with one another in their embrace, until Jason grunted and rolled over underneath him so that they could face and hold each other.

    It was Elliot who finally stared down into the eyes of his friend with a sense of wonder.  “God, I can’t believe you did all of that.  It was… it was… so awesome.”

    Jason smiled at him.  “I told you, I have nothing to hide anymore,” he whispered.  They continued to stare at each other for the longest time until Elliot finally just sighed and relaxed, sinking into his friend everywhere their bodies could match up.

    “I don’t know how to thank you, or how to make you know how real it felt for me,” he whispered.  “No one has ever done anything like that for me before – not even Derek.  Not that way.  It was… it was just so …”  He didn’t finish the sentence; he felt that he had finally run out of words trying to explain his feelings for the night.  Here, in Jason’s arms, he almost felt helpless anymore.

    Jason wrinkled his nose, then grinning leaned up and, to Elliot’s surprise and amusement, rubbed his friend’s nose a few times.  “Don’t you think I know how real it felt for me, too?  Even this, I mean you’re here– and now, it’s so cool, you know?”  He smiled as he pulled a pillow over from nearby and lay his head back down on it.  “Okay, fess up – how bad did I surprise you?” Elliot smiled but didn’t answer for a minute, so Jason grinned.  “Did I shock you that bad?”

    Elliot slowly nodded.  “You have no idea,” finally answered, speaking softly. 

    “Cool, I’m glad.  You know, I wanted to do it with you the other night, but…”

    Elliot’s expression became wistful as he lowered his chin across his arms, settling in on top of Jason’s chest.  “You do know, right?  I mean, I wanted to shower with you, because I thought it would be cool.  I didn’t expect anything like this though.  This – this was, was something a whole lot more, a whole lot better.”

    Jason wrinkled his nose again.  “You said you and your brother did it before.”

    “Yeah, but we never did THAT.  I mean, okay, I’ll tell you this much – me and Derek, we never really touch each other that much, other than sometimes he’ll hold me like I’m a little kid again and stuff.  But like, touching and rubbing you, and I mean all over and everything? And … and holding and hugging like this, and being held and … I can’t tell you what I feel like, I can’t describe it anymore.  I mean, I’ve tried, but…”

    Jason grinned.  “I know… I can’t either.”  He peered up into the kind face staring down at him.  There was something peaceful there.  “Okay,” he spoke again, after a moment.  “Tell me the truth: did I look like anything you expected?  You know… naked?”

    Elliot hesitated only for a second.  “I think you look a lot cooler than I do.  And I mean everywhere,” he added, grinding his groin slightly into the other boy to make the point.

    Jason blushed and then gave his friend a mischievous look.  “You weren’t so bad yourself, you know.”

    Elliot scoffed.  “You didn’t even take any time to notice, how would you know?” He shook his head in embarrassment.  “Hey, I’m sorry if I did, you know, something I shouldn’t have.  If I had known you weren’t going to, I mean, I wouldn’t-“

    Jason put his fingers up to the other boy’s lips to hush him, holding them there for a moment and feeling the softness underneath.  “Elliot, shut up, okay?  Trust me, if I had stopped to do what I wanted, we might never have gotten out of the shower,” he replied softly.  The look of astonishment that crossed Elliot’s face as the realization sunk in made Jason giggle, but he remained silent and studied the other for a moment.  There was tenderness and understanding there, and something else.  He put his arms around the boy to just hold him and rub his back, and after a minute he couldn’t resist something that had come to him – a thought so totally unexpected, something so off the wall that instead of being repulsed, he found it to be – interesting.  “Elliot?” he spoke with a softness that could only be heard by one so close.

    “Yeah?” his friend replied just as softly.

    “Can I – can I ask you something?”

    “Anything Jase,” was the hushed reply.

    “H-have y-you, like, ever kissed anyone?  I mean, like, really kissed them?”

    Elliot slowly shook his head no, but understood the question had another meaning to it that was all too clear.  In his heart he had always wondered about this too, but before tonight he had never thought of going that far with anyone, Jason especially.  But there it was – that connection; it was a feeling down inside his chest that he knew was making something between them seem so special.  In an unseen leap of faith towards the other boy, he smiled and understood what they both must have been feeling inside.  He felt his heart skip a beat as he slowly, hesitantly – just in case he misunderstood the intent – closed the distance between them.  Jason smiled and looked relieved; for an instant he had also been afraid that maybe it had been too bold.  They watched each other though, and they both understood.  There was no fear between them, and they both knew it.  They wanted to try it, to do something magical and as simple as this was, and they wanted to do it for each other.  Jason also felt this was the only kid he would ever trust – right here, right now.  So slowly he lifted his head and met Elliot halfway, and suddenly their lips connected – a contact that sent electrical impulses through both their bodies.  They gently pressed on each other for several seconds before Jason finally lay back on the pillow.  Both smiled at each other, the taboo made and done.  Elliot suddenly felt like he could almost cry for some reason; at that moment he had never felt happier.  Leaning in, he stretched out on top of the boy completely and moved until they connected again.  This time though he opened his lips part of the way, and Jason responded by doing the same.

    What happened next could never be described completely, because it defied either boy to ever explain it.  As they came together, they bumped noses and it caused them to giggle and reposition slightly, but in no time at all they figured out what had to be done.  Before long they were exploring each other’s mouth, feeling each other’s teeth and other deep crevices within.  They kept it up for several minutes, each taking turns and exploring each other inside as far as they could, and then finally each began exploring the other’s tongue.   At one point Jason turned so that he could open his mouth completely, letting Elliot in as far as he could, and then they reciprocated a passion that neither could turn away.  They breathed each other in, and for the whole time found a new connection that made them tingle from the top of their heads to the end of their toes, and everywhere else in between.

    Finally gasping for air, Elliot backed away and smiled as he looked into the American boy’s eyes.  He was still having trouble keeping his emotions in check because of the happiness bubbling inside of him, but the moistness in his eyes betrayed him.  “I don’t know w-what to s-say,” he finally whispered.

    Jason just closed his eyes and shook his head.  “Then don’t say anything,” he replied.  Looking at the clock, he asked, “What time will your brother come home?  He’ll be here first, right?”

    Elliot nodded, following his friends gaze to the readout.  “Um, still about an hour or so I guess, and yeah, Mum and Dad won’t be in before eleven.”

    Jason grinned up at him.   “Okay,” he whispered, gently pushing the boy off of him until he rolled onto his side.  Propping his head up on his elbow, Jason addressed his friend.  “I’m going to do something now, something I didn’t get to do downstairs.  It’s not that I think you’re going to stop me, but um, if you want to, you can, okay? Any time, just stop me.”

    Elliot nodded and did as he was told as he peered up into the eyes watching him.  After a few seconds Jason started by taking his free hand and pushing it up under Elliot’s shirt with any hesitation.  Softly floating his fingers around inside, Jason explored every inch of Elliot’s skin that he could freely reach, around each side and along each rib.  Unlike before, they had gone way beyond everything else tonight, and what he had really wanted to do when they had started their little game, was to lift the shirt and just feel the skin underneath, like seeing it through his touch.  He didn’t realize it so much then, but now was different.  They were there so entrenched with one another now, wrapped up and sharing a warmth that only came from the intimacy Elliot so freely gave him.  A part of him was just curious, but another part of him just wanted to do it, wanted to feel the shapes and textures of how things were different between them.

    So soft was the touch beneath him that Elliot was taken aback at how good it felt.  He thought at times he might giggle, the touch being so sensitive it was almost ticklish.  He watched though, and knew tickling was far from Jason’s intent, and that in turn allowed Elliot to relax and control himself better.  At one point he arched up and pulled his shirt off before lying back down   “I’m all yours,” he whispered, and he meant it.

    Jason teased and probed everywhere across his friend’s chest.  “I just wanted to feel you, like really feel you, you know?” He looked up, clearly embarrassed.  “Weird I guess, huh?”

    Elliot slowly shook his head.  “No – it’s not weird at all. Besides,” he replied in a whispered voice, “you don’t see me stopping you any, do you?”

    Jason smiled and then leaned in and kissed his friend again on the lips, lingering until they separated before he inserted his tongue.  He didn’t know how Elliot felt about this, but he couldn’t help find it comforting.  Elliot welcomed it, using his hand to hold the nape of his friend’s neck while they explored each other again for a while.  When Jason finally pulled back, there was an “Mmmm….” that escaped his friend, and that was all Jason needed in order to know it was all right.  The boy that smiled up at him had a serene expression, and when he spoke again, it was with a softness that had matched so many other expressions that evening.  “Do you like that?”

    Derek nodded.  “Do you?”

    “Mm hmm,” the American replied.  They lay still for a moment before he tugged more of the cover away from Elliot.  Though there were shadows cast about the room from the single lamp that shone brightly nearby, there were no shadows here that mattered to him.  He could observe and see his friend completely with almost every detail spread out before him, up close and unhurried.  He walked his fingers up and down Elliot’s body repeatedly, using the softest of touches around the navel as he poked and prodded about.  Elliot finally giggled once and sucked in his gut, but just as quickly the youth returned it to normal so that Jason could continue.  He pulled his arms behind his head, and Jason could not help but explore that area beneath.  “Like me, you don’t have any under arm hairs… that’s cool,” he observed, smiling again.  Elliot said nothing, but was really enjoying the moment, feeling happy inside.  They were learning more and more about each other with every passing minute.

    Jason traversed back until he began playing with his friend’s nipples, teasing them again until they hardened before his touch.  He could see them up close now, tug on them a little and observe how everything reacted, including the tiny chill bumps that would show up every now and then.  “Cool,” he said again softly. 

    He eventually walked his fingers slowly down to the top of Elliot’s waistband and began fingering the lightest of hairs that seem to crawl out from there toward the teen’s navel.  “This is too,” he offered again.

    “What is?” Elliot asked, breaking his silence.

    “I don’t know, I just - it’s just cool we’re so much alike, you know?  I mean, like here, you don’t have any more hairs than I do, but they kind of gather up the middle and everything toward your belly button and then go the other way down, too” Jason replied as he continued to move his fingers through and around, playing with them.  He followed them lower until he reached the band of his friend’s briefs.  Pushing back the covers just a little more, he saw that inside Elliot was hosting a partial tent in his briefs.  Smiling, he ignored it and pushed the band down only slightly, following the fines hairs as they gradually got bushier on the trail.  He let the band snap back up, but walked his fingers down the middle, right on top of the stiffening member that was soft wand spongy underneath, until he gently topped the boy’s family jewels ending between his legs.  Trailing backwards, he walked them back up the length of the shaft and then northward to the navel again.  Elliot only smiled as he watched Jason repeat the performance, knowing full well the state he was in.  The touch, though sensual, was also now sexual in the slightest of ways, and he knew Jason was having fun.

    “You like that?”  The voice was a low whisper.  “You can stop me if you want,” Jason added, knowing full well the teen wouldn’t, but at the same time he wanted to be sure the other knew where he was going to go.

    Elliot knew full well, too.  “There is no bloody way I would ever stop you,” he breathed.  Jason continued to repeat the performance a few more times, giggling when Elliot’s dick would pulse underneath his touch.  Elliot finally grew impatient and was no longer able to contain himself.  “So, are you going to go inside or not?” he asked in a hoarse voice.

    Jason grinned at him and slowly pushed the front of the cloth down and over, exposing the boy’s male parts to him.  Elliot arched his hips and pushed the band down on each side, freeing the cloth underneath from his weight.  Once lowered enough, the cloth was tucked comfortably under his scrotum between his legs.  There was nothing to hide him now, and Jason smiled as he leaned in a little closer.  Elliot just observed his friend for a moment, taking in the wonder the other boy was now displaying.

    It was the first penis Jason had ever really gotten to see up close.  Like himself, he guessed Elliot to be about five inches in length, with balls that lay peacefully innate underneath.  The happy trail that he had followed south stopped at a small bush of brown pubic hair at the base, much like his own.  In a way that surprised him: he thought most youths with black hair would have black pubes as well, and because of that he figured he was just an oddball at best.  Seeing again that Elliot was so much like himself, he breathed “Cool!”, brushing and feeling the softness of the hairs with his fingers.  Elliot was unsure what the boy was referring to, but it mattered little to him at the moment.

    What really grabbed Jason’s attention though, was the one thing that obviously separated the two of them the most.  Gently reaching out, he touched the shaft that was now extended and pointing away from his friend’s belly.  Not like, straight up in any sense, but it was hardened enough the tip cleared the abdomen that was underneath.  Moreover though, as Jason gently extended and ran his fingers along the length, he reached the end that was covered with skin, as if a jacket was made to circle it.  Not only had he never seen another dick that was as soft yet hard as this one, he had never seen an uncircumcised one at that.

    It was certainly different to his touch as he felt around it.  He could almost sense a ridge underneath the fold, a ring of sorts that matched up to where he expected the head’s helmet to meet.  He circled and felt up on both sides, following the impression all the way around until he returned topside.  As he did, the flesh beneath him pulsed again, making the whole shaft jump to his touch.  He started to giggle when as it did, he saw the tip actually appear and extend from the end.  “Whoa!” he exclaimed softly.

    Elliot was experiencing pure ecstasy, however.  Time and again he sucked in his gut, making his dick appear to hover higher over his tummy, and after the third or fourth attempt by his friend to just feel around he finally let out the long breath he had been holding.  “Oh God, that feels so awesome,” he intoned.

    Jason smiled and unglued his eyes for a few seconds to watch his friend’s reaction.  “So, this is what it means to be natural I guess? You know, uncut?”  When Elliot nodded, he asked, “Is this the way most guys are over here?”

    Elliot nodded again.   “It’s kind of mixed up, but I think there are more of us uncut than, like yours I mean.”

    “You noticed then, cool,” Jason replied, and then looked down at his friend’s groin.  Elliot smiled at the inference, but remained quiet while he watched Jason play with him some more.  “Um, can I like, pull your skin back some? Is that okay?” Jason whispered.

    Elliot had to catch himself before he rolled his eyes.  He was reminded once again how much of a first this was for Jason.  “Heck, yeah!  I mean, I told you, you can do anything you want, I promise.  I’m all yours, remember?” he added sincerely, hoping the other boy would understand.

    Jason smiled before slowly cupping the penis in his palm.  It felt so silky smooth, yet warm to his touch – very warm compared to the rest of his friend’s body – or so he thought.  As he gently squeezed and grabbed hold, he heard Elliot gasp just before he again sucked in his gut.  Wrapping his fingers around more firmly, he thought it was weird to hold someone else’s dick.  This was the thing people labeled as taboo, as being beyond something normal, but he didn’t feel nervous or anything like his friend had been in the shower.  Perhaps it was because what was happening now was purposeful, not veiled behind the act of an innocent shower to hide anything.

    He firmly grasped the hot fleshy cylinder and tugged his grip toward the base, watching the head emerge from inside the folds.  “Cool!” he exclaimed again.  He eased the pressure and moved back, thus watching the helmet as it extended almost over the tip again.  If anything, the part of his friend he was holding hardened ever further, and now the skin could no longer extend itself as far as it had before.  Pulling back again, he saw the slickness there like himself, but it seemed more profound.  “Um, you’re like – more wet there I think, you know, on your tip.”  He wrinkled his nose.  “You’re not peeing or anything are you?”

    Elliot glanced down at himself and giggled.  “Nnnnoooo!” he replied, then glanced back up at his friend.  “It’s pre-cum,” he stated matter-of-factly.

    “Huh?”

    Smiling, Elliot explained.  “It’s like, you know what cum is and everything, right?”

    Sheepishly Jason nodded at him.  “I’m not an idiot.”

    Elliot frowned.  “Of course you’re not, didn’t say it, did I?”  Before Jason could respond, he immediately shook his head. “No bro, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said it like that.  It was a dumb question.”

    “No it wasn’t.”  Jason giggled.  “It’s just another one of those new things we’re discovering about each other I guess.”  He continued to run his fingertip over the shaft, and every once in a while he would grip it snugly and pull the skin back again.  Curiously, he glanced at the boy again.  “Pre-cum?”

    Elliot smiled.  “It’s like, cum, but its’ all clear and stuff.  It kind of oozes out when you’re doing something to, you know, make it feel really good but haven’t creamed yet.  I only started doing it like, maybe in the last couple of months and stuff.”  He paused before asking, “You never have any?”

    Jason shrugged his shoulders. “If I do I never noticed it.”  He looked away in embarrassment.  “Um, Elliot, I – “

    “What, Jase?”

    “Don’t laugh at me, okay? I-I haven’t, like, jacked off in a long time,” the American admitted.  After a few seconds he turned to his friend.  “I kind of, well… I just never felt like it after… after…”

    Elliot put a finger up to his friend’s lips as the other boy had done to him earlier.  “SShhh… you don’t have to tell me or explain, I understand, honest.”  He lay back and studied Jason.  “I guess if you haven’t done it then there’s no way you would know about pre-cum then, so it’s cool.”  Not knowing what else to say he lay there, just feeling good at being played with, but also feeling good Jason was being so open with him.  “Besides, I would never laugh at you for that, I promise.”

    Jason sat there, eventually returning his attention to the hardness he felt pulsating in his hand.  “You like this?”

    “Are you kidding?” Elliot whispered.  “It’s fucking awesome Jase.”  He grinned at him.  “You can do it harder if you want.”

    Jason grinned back.  “You mean it? You, like, want me to jack you off?”

    Elliot pulled the boy close so that he could whisper in his ear.  “I’ll let you in on a secret: you doing it makes it feels much more fantastic than if I do it.”

    Jason snickered.  “Then I guess I’ll have to make you cum, huh?”  Both boys giggled before Jason gave his friend a complacent glance and once again leaned in and planted a single, simple kiss on his lips.  Elliot felt stimulated by it however and did not want to let it go.  Using his free arm he gently pulled Jason closer so he could kiss back, and before they knew it both were wrestling with each other’s tongues just as passionately as they had before.  All the while Jason began to pump Elliot’s groin, causing the boy to tense up at times and moan as he gurgled inside.  His breathing became erratic and at times he asserted himself firmer than others, trying to swallow as much of his friend’s passion as he could.

    There was a tingle that coursed throughout Elliot’s body stronger than any he had ever had experienced before.  Moaning with the pleasure he felt in so many ways, he was connected in so many places that his senses began to overload.  Jason could feel a change in his friend, both from the passion they were exchanging and in the shaft he was now so firmly pumping in the palm of his hand.  He had never thought of jacking somebody off before, but he was enjoying what it was doing to Elliot.  At first it felt weird, but he was fascinated at how it worked out and how the extra skin seemed to slip beneath his grasp. 

    Elliot craved as much of the contact he could get, sliding his body as close to touch Jason anywhere he could and absorb the heat and friction he could feel.  Combined with everything else he began to go over the edge, and it pushed him harder inside.  There was pull, a tickle he felt behind his navel unlike any he had ever experienced, and he felt like he was going to explode.  As his legs stiffened, his toes curled and stretched until they could stretch no more, and the resoluteness he felt made him kiss Jason even harder by opening his mouth as wide as he could.  Jason responded by exploring deeper than he had before, and it was that feeling that sparked the current Elliot needed to let loose.  “Oh God,” he gurgled as he pulled on his friend as hard as he dared.

    Wave after wave erupted from beneath, where Jason’s hand gently squeezed and massaged Elliot so completely, his fist flying furiously up and down in a rapid succession.  Elliot heaved huge globs of pure white cum upon the both of them in quick order.  Both the first and second long streams were so intense they reached all the way to where the boys’ chests were rubbing together and began smearing between them.  The following spooges fell onto Elliot’s stomach before tapering off, eventually spilling out onto Jason’s hand.  As Elliot went rigid toward the end, Jason tore himself away to look down in astonishment at the huge spill.  “Damn, Elliot!” he cried softly.

    Elliot at first could not respond; his eyes were shut tightly as he desperately tried to hang on to the edge of the pure sensation he had just experienced.  Failing however, he slowly receded and finally relaxed as his body unwound into the covers around him.  “Oh fuck... oh fuck…” he mouthed over and over, occasionally whispering the words as he gulped huge breaths of air.  Jason was smiling at him when he finally opened his eyes and the two locked their gaze.  It was all Elliot could do for the moment but gasp until his breathing returned slowly to a normal rhythm.   “Jase, I …”  He gasped again.  “There is no way I can tell you how fucking fantastic that felt!”

    Looking down at the slowly softening member he was still holding, Jason grunted.  “You don’t have to – your expression said it all, trust me.”  He whistled.  “Man, you gave up more milk than I ever thought possible.  I mean, I didn’t think anyone could cream that much sex juice!”

    Elliot laughed.  “Try going without wanking for 3 weeks and then see!“  He caught himself and immediately regretted his words.  “AAAHhhhh - crap, I’m sorry Jase, I didn’t mean – oh fuck, I’m sorry.”

    “Relax, I understand,” Jason replied with a grin. They locked gazes for a moment.  “You know, you don’t have to stop because of me.  You can do it anytime you want…”

    Elliot scoffed.  “Yeah, right…”

    “No, seriously, I mean – just do it.  Heck, I might even join you sometimes.”  He grunted.  “Besides, if what you say is right, then that means I would probably fill up the whole room in here if… you know…”

    Elliot nodded.  “Cum as hard as I did?” he finished the sentence.  For the first time, he could feel the tent in the American’s briefs that lay beside him.  He cupped his friend’s crotch and held him while gently massaging the jewels that were inside.  “Do you, like, want to?”  He knew this was a decision he could not rush or be wrong about.  Being a participant and going this far for himself was one thing, but Jason …

    The other youth hesitated, thinking about it.  “Hell yeah, I WANT to, I just… don’t know if I can, you know?”

    Elliot smiled and whispered to him.  “Remember the shower while ago?  When I took hold of you and you almost like, fell down and had to lean against the wall and everything?”  When Jason grinned and nodded, Elliot continued.  “I bet you would have creamed me then if I had kept doing you that way.”  He hesitated before plunging ahead.  “You can try, I mean, I don’t know how you feel, but… I bet you could do it.”

    Jason thought about that and then grinned.  “You think so, huh?”  Slowly he straightened his legs and stretched out on the bed beside his friend.  “Okay, you’re welcome to try if you want.  Besides, I promised you could check me out all you wanted, so... here’s your chance.”

    Jason’s expression relaxed Elliot, because he saw his friend still had no inhibitions or hesitancy into letting him inside his defenses.  He smiled but had to stop Jason before the youth relaxed too much.  “I’ll give it my best shot mate, but um, one favor, okay?  Swap sides with me, because I’m right-handed like you are,” he added sheepishly.

    Jason rolled his eyes but complied as requested, giggling with anticipation.  In his carefully contained excitement, he felt as if butterflies were trying to escape his insides.  It was strange because before this night, before this moment – it never dawned on him to be going through what he was doing.  Too many things had happened that had taken him other places, and his fight for survival and sanity had won out.  Now?  He was almost like a little kid at Christmas, or so it felt.

    Elliot stared at him, grinning as the youth settled in, and then reached and tugged Jason’s shirt upwards.  Pulling it up over Jason’s head, they shucked it together until it lay beside them.  Pushing the covers until he arranged them as he wanted, Elliot exposed the American’s midsection.  He started by softly playing with the youth’s navel, exploring it for a moment before trailing his fingers to the waistband.  Tiny hairs were visible, staggered about leading up into the indention, and it made Elliot smile, remembering how Jason had been fascinated earlier with his own happy trail.  “Are you sure now?” he whispered. When Jason nodded, he exhaled, “Ok, get ready then.”

    Jason closed his eyes and felt the other boy push on the briefs he was still wearing all this time.  Lifting his hips, he helped until he felt not only that his underwear was down, but being completely removed from his feet.  It made him smile at the fact he was now completely naked for the second time that night, but this time under the gentle hand and watchful eyes of his friend.  “You really like me naked, don’t you?” he whispered.  Seeing Elliot’s face redden, he quickly added, “Its’ okay, I don’t mind really.  I kind of like it, too.”

    “You do?” Elliot asked, surprised.

    “Yeah, in a way, I guess because it doesn’t make me feel weird or stuff, like – well, you know, like I’m not weird or ugly or anything,” Jason observed.

    Elliot sat in awe, slowly caressing Jason’s dick as his friend had done for him, but also playing with the scrotum that hung underneath.  “You’re not weird or anything man, I promise.  I think you’re cool,” he whispered in reply.  He cupped his friend and ran his fingers gently between the legs, but withheld from probing too deeply.  He had to remind himself that this was someone who was putting his trust in him, in Elliot – and Elliot wanted to make it as much worth the boy’s while as he could.  He moved himself down ever so slightly so that he could study his friend, who was so freely exposed before him.  He hovered over Jason’s chest and belly, playing and feeling his way around because it felt wickedly cool to be able to do so.

    Slowly he palmed Jason’s dick and felt the sensitive heat that came from underneath all the hardness.  It felt almost hot to his touch, which made him curious.  It seemed it wasn’t as hard at the moment, having softness about it as it lay against his friend’s tummy.  As he had noticed before, it wasn’t thick, but as it lay there he admired how full-looking it appeared.  He picked it up gently and bent it downward, detailing the underside that was hidden from view, and before he let it fall back into place, he felt the surge as it contracted in his fingertips.  He let his hand follow its length, and for the first time he stopped to notice how thin and smooth Jason’s pubes were to his touch.  “They’re so soft,” he said quietly.

    Jason looked up at him.  “Kind of like yours, your hairs are really soft, kind of silky, too.”

    Elliot grunted, fascinated as he fingered his way in and around the swollen member.  It contracted again, and Elliot smiled as he watched it ever so slightly begin lifting from the smooth tummy beneath it.  When he let it go, it had hardened to the point it no longer touched Jason’s belly as it held its own weight upwards.  He softly stroked it again, playing forward as he came to the head and brushed his fingers across the tip.  He softly pursed his lips and blew his breath across the tip as he caressed it, making it contract harder still and rise more on its own.  Jason moaned, sucking in his gut as his friend had done, but Elliot noticed right away that the youth could not pull his tummy in as tightly as some he knew.  He was about to remark about this when he noticed something else that made him stop and smile widely.  “Jason,” he whispered, moving back and away so he could see his friend’s face.

    The youth was already watching him.  “Yeah?” he whispered back.

    “Look.”

    The command was simple, and as Jason glanced down at himself, Elliot once again lifted the youth’s swollen member, now glistening hard beneath his touch.  The helmet was shinny and slick looking, and … wet.

    Jason’s eyes grew big for a second, and then he grinned as Elliot brushed his fingertips around the head.  He grinned and looked up.  “Pre-cum?”  When Elliot nodded, he settled back onto the pillow again and exclaimed, “That’s so cool!”  As Elliot played, the shaft pulsed harder in his hand, and he squeezed it, causing Jason to squirm somewhat beneath him.  The American was suddenly overcome with a desire as he sank back into the bed further; he knew then he wanted this, beyond any doubt.

    Elliot was mesmerized at everything before him as he touched and felt his way around.  He had done some stuff with Derek before, but his older brother had always been so horny that they never made the time to play around or explore.  Jason was totally different, and it made him happy to know that.  Here was somebody his own age, someone who cared for him, trusted him – and he cared just as much or more in return.  Here Elliot could take the time to explore, to touch and feel just like Jason had done to him.  It held him with such fascination that he felt a stirring below in his own groin and, looking down, he found he was already more than half hardened again.  It was sensuous and exciting in a way, and he suddenly wondered why he was so lucky to be able to have it.  What had he done to deserve it?  He didn’t know, but he was so glad he could…

    In his grasp Jason pulsed again, his hardest yet, and he watched now as more pre-cum escaped from the tip.  Using his thumb he played with the clear, slick liquid and rubbed it all over the tip, a sensation Jason was continuing to writhe from underneath.  He grinned.  “Feel good?”  In answer the other youth reached down and pinched Elliot’s bare butt – not hard, but enough to send the message: don’t ask stupid questions.  When they locked gazes, both burst into giggles.

    Looking down at himself, Jason was smiling.  “Am I doing it a lot?” he asked.

    “Yeah,” Elliot answered.  “It’s kind of cool to see it too, because I don’t get to really see it any when I do it.”

    “Because of your skin and stuff?”

    “Yeah.”  Their conversation was in hushed whispers as he looked up and saw the other youth observing his own midsection.  Although Elliot wasn’t boned up completely, Jason still reached out to touch and pull the skin back slowly.  The sensation of the other boy’s touch was enough to send him quickly into a fully erect state.

    “Wow,” Jason whispered.  “You’re already hard again.”  He reached out and did it again, playing with the skin on the tip before slipping it back over the end.  “I think that’s so cool, too.  I wish mine was like that.”

    “You have skin, too,” Elliot replied, and to emphasize it, he slowly pulled what skin would slip up on Jason’s penis.  It almost covered it completely, but now at full tilt the hardness beneath his grasp stopped it from totally encompassing the glands.

    “Yeah, but it doesn’t come up all that far,” he replied wistfully.  “I bet yours feels really cool and stuff though, you know, inside and everything all the time if you want it.”

    Elliot studied about it for a moment before an idea occurred to him.  “Hey, roll over toward me a sec,” he spoke, gently tugging on Jason’s side.  Although curious, the youth complied until suddenly they were facing each other.  Elliot was grinning as he settled to bring his groin up level to meet his friends’.  Without a word he pulled the skin back from his penis, exposing the slick, purplish head that it helmeted within and, with a little effort, brought it forward until he touched Jason’s fully exposed helmet on his end.  Jason suddenly grasped his own shaft, thinking at first maybe they were going to sort of sword play, but when Elliot held steady, comprehension settled in.  Pushing forward, he helped hold his dick in place until the two were pressed end-to-end.  Giggling, he asked, “What are we doing, making them kkiiissss…?”  His voice trailed when a new sensation took over, and he was lost in the sensitive but electric excitement of the touch.  As an added bonus however, Elliot slowly let go of his own skin and slowly slid it back up and over the end of the other shaft.

    Jason watched and then exclaimed “Oh sshhhiiii….”  He never finished the expression as he closed his eyes and started going into sensory overload.  They both felt more of the slippery liquid escaping and lubricating themselves inside, but neither cared.  Elliot grinned as he watched Jason’s face change thru a half dozen expressions, each building on the last.  He leaned in close to his friend’s ear.  “That’s as close as I can ever show you what it’s like,” he whispered.  Jason opened his eyes wide as if in amazement, and their closeness to each other made him suddenly lean in and kiss his friend again.  Before long the passion was there as Elliot slowly and methodically began to massage his friend’s shaft, pulling up and down as he slowly jacketed the both of them, his own skin serving a helmet over Jason that neither had really experienced before.

    What happened next was hard to forget from Jason’s point of view.  The heat of that passion had him fired up inside like he had not been in months and he knew it.  He was writhing in the bed, his legs first extending and then bending, his hips moving ever so slightly to the rhythm of an unseen thrust.  Elliot hung onto the both of them as long as he could until he could no longer continue their foreplay as it was, and then he gently pushed the youth onto his back.  Doing every trick he could come up with in the book, he cupped Jason’s scrotum underneath at times and gently massaged the marbles it contained inside.  He occasionally used his fingers to walk the plank much like his friend had, and was rewarded with renewed pulses and thrusts, as well as a continuing chorus of soft moans underneath him.

    He started pumping his friend, letting all else go, squeezing strategically and alternately rubbing his thumb across the open slit.  He would run his hand down the length of the youth’s midsection every so often, tickling him between his thighs before finding his way back to grab again as he jacked him off.  He could feel the intensity beneath building up, and he knew his friend was not going to have a problem letting go.  And all the while he did this, the pre-cum continued to slip in between and around his fingers as it lubricated the sensitive tip more and more.  Elliot studied it up close as Jason continued to squirm and moaned beneath him.  And when it felt to Elliot like the time was almost there, he saved his last gift for then, secretly hoping he wasn’t going too far.  He was committed though, because it was something he decided he wanted to do above all else.  Reaching what he knew had to be close to his friend’s peak, he slowly lowered himself ever closer and took Jason’s shaft into his mouth, slowly suckling on the end while he let his tongue lap around everything it could find.  He even let a little moan escape as he started tasting and suckling the hard, hot flesh and found he liked it.  It didn’t have a strong scent, but there was a musky overtone he found he liked.  As he continued taking it in, he started using his lips to go up and down on the youth.

    Jason was in shock when he suddenly felt the warm wetness that attacked him, and as the reality set in so did a whole new world of unexpected sensations that sent him over the edge.  Within seconds, he felt the tightness behind his navel, and it rapidly extended itself all the way down to his toes, making them curl and draw unbelievably tight.  He felt his nuts contract, as if pulling up inside of him, something Elliot noticed as well because at that moment his hand had fallen to the sac and was cupping them gently while he held and guided Jason’s shaft between his lips.

    As Elliot used his lips, his mouth plunged again and again to make force the final pumps from Jason until the youth erupted.  Elliot would tell him later he thought the dam broke loose, because the teenager filled his mouth as he slowly pulled up before moving off and away after the first few surges.  Using his hand he continued pumping the writhing youth beneath as he thrust his pelvis forward and let another three to four large white streams loose.  One caught Elliot on his face, causing him to grin but he continued to pump away so that he didn’t break the moment.  The rest landed upon Jason’s chest before the intensity subsided and let what remained ooze its way into Elliot’s hand and fingers.  Elliot continued to pump, but less intensely when the youth finally stopped giving up the creamy white mixture.  As he slowed down, he took stock and looked at the mess that was made and then sat in awe.  Months and months of inactivity had been loosened up that night, and he was there to actually see it happen first hand – and be amazed.

    As Jason moaned beneath him, it almost seemed as if he was whimpering.  While Elliot watched him, he finally took the time to take stock of the jizz he still held in his mouth, swirling his tongue around the creamy, salty substance while he sampled the smooth silkiness of it.  Salty yeah, but also a tint of sweetness too, unlike someone else he knew.  He swirled it around for a bit before swallowing and thought to himself, ‘Cool!’  Maybe again, it was because they were so close in age and build, and everything else in between, that it seemed more special.  He didn’t care, nor did he regret doing it. 

    Elliot leaned down to Jason when the youth had stilled and his breathing had returned to a more normal rhythm.  “Okay, your turn.  How was it?”

    Jason opened his eyes and stared at his friend for a few seconds before gently pulling him close, fully intending to kiss him again.  So complete was his desire to do it that, for the moment, he forgot about Elliot’s last act of gratification.  As they both shared another passionate moment, Jason detected a change that was somehow different.  Thinking back, he realized with a start that he was sampling faint traces of something that was himself.  Drawing back, he looked at the other boy weirdly for a moment, thinking at first how dirty or utterly gross it must have been.   Eventually those thoughts changed when he realized that it wasn’t as gross as it seemed.  “That- That’s me? That’s my jizz?” he asked.

    Elliot grinned at him and whispered, “Yep.”

    It took Jason another half minute or more to contemplate it again before he made a conscious decision that he didn’t care.  Elliot giggled as his friend attacked him again with another passionate kiss, rising up from the bed and rolling him on his back as he probed deeply.  Both moaned softly and growled with pleasure as their instincts kicked in and they felt each other in a way no one could ever predict.  When Jason finally came up for air, the smile in his eyes told Elliot everything he could possibly want to know.  “Does that answer you?” Jason asked sheepishly with a whisper.

    “Yeah, it does,” Elliot replied as he put his arms around the boy and drew him even closer.  “I was… I was afraid you might not like me too good though, you know, maybe hate me when I – after I did – you  know…”

    Jason wrinkled his nose.  He had heard of blow jobs before, but like so many other things this night that was so full of surprises, he smiled and just hugged his friend.  “I don’t think I could ever hate you Elliot.”  Pulling back up, he settled himself on his friend’s chest.  “That was so fucking awesome!”

    Elliot grinned.  “I know,” he whispered back. 

    They stared at each other for a full minute before Jason giggled, a look of incredulity crossing his face.  “I can’t believe you sucked my dick!”  He looked down at the youth who grinned in return.  “Was it… was it as cool for you as it was for me?”

    Elliot nodded.  “Probably better.”

    “No – fucking – way!  There is no way it could have been better! I was going so hard, I mean, sorry – I should have warned you, but… Damn, did you see how much jizz I gave up?!!”

    Elliot nodded again.  “Yeah, more than I did, I think.”

    Jason shook his head before resting his chin across his arms.  “I guess this means I’m going to have to do you sometime,” he stated.  It wasn’t a question, and Elliot understood it when he shook his head.

    “No bro, I didn’t do it for that, I did it because I wanted to.”

    “Meh,” the American replied at first, before he continued whispering.  “I might though, just – you’ll have to give me some time, that’s all.”

    Elliot gazed into the set of blue eyes that met him.  “Jase? Seriously bro… This stuff, everything we did, you don’t have to do it anymore, ever again, I promise.  I mean, I don’t want to be some pervert or-“

    ”Shut up Elliot,” Jason whispered back for the second time that night.  The smile that followed disarmed his friend.  “Just tell me: did you like it? With me and everything?” When Elliot nodded, he felt his own heart skip a beat.  “That’s all that matters then, okay?  We keep it between us though, right?”

    Elliot returned the smile.  “Cross my heart.”

    Jason giggled.  “Even from your brother?”

    Elliot giggled with him and rolled his eyes.  “Especially from him!”  Seeing the look of curiosity that met him, he shrugged it off.  “No, don’t think weird stuff, okay? Derek is actually pretty cool for a brother, but – this… Jase? As far as I’m concerned? This is you and me.  I don’t want anyone else to know, not because I’m afraid of Derek, but because… well…”  His eyes were almost pleading, and Jason felt as if they were caught up in another one of those moments.

   “You – you’re so cool,” Jason finally whispered after a few seconds.   Elliot let out a deep breath, and a tear suddenly escaped one eye and trailed down the side of his face as he smiled.  Jason watched it and then asked him, “Hey, you okay?”

    Elliot slowly embraced the other youth.  “You’ll never know just how okay or how happy I am.”  His hands crossed on the small of Jason’s back at his waist.  “Now do you believe me?” he whispered.  “Now do you believe how much I care?”

    They stared at each other for a long time before Jason replied, his own eyes becoming moist as he set aside the thrills of the past couple of hours and recalled how all of this had begun.  “I’m glad I told you now.  I’m glad I don’t have to keep it bottled up anymore.  And… I’m glad it was you.  I’m glad I told it all to you.” 

    “I’m g-glad you did, too.”

    Jason lifted a finger until he silenced his friend again, pressing it against the youth’s lips.  “Elliot?  Don’t forget, you called me a brother, remember?  That’s something you gave me tonight I’ll never, ever forget.” He stared into the blue eyes that met him and saw the happiness there.  “You made me a part of us tonight, so you’re stuck with me now,” he whispered.

    Another tear escaped Elliot as he replied.  “No – we made US a part of each other tonight bro.  I’ll hang onto you for as long as you let me.”

    “Might be a while,” Jason replied, with a smile.

    “I don’t care.”

    “I don’t care either.  Just don’t forget something else, okay?”

    “What?” Elliot asked, both boys mesmerized by the moment.

    “Don’t forget I love you, too.”

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Hi everyone – if you will let me, there are two things I want to quickly say here.  First – this is NOT the end of the story.  I admit, it sort of climaxes, right? (I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it for you…)  But see, the thing is, Jason is far from finished right now, so there is more to come, somewhere between another 5 to 10 more chapters…

Secondly, I don’t know what I would do without all of the readers here – honest.  Your words have been really encouraging to me, and I want to personally note and thank you for it.  Lots of you have asked, where did I get this idea and everything, how do I write?  I‘ll offer to do this much: when the story is completed, in the last chapter, I’ll share some of that with you then for anyone interested in reading it. 

 Until then, just know it’s from inside, me trying to share everything the best and only way I know how, okay?

 So here it is – my holiday present to you guys who read it soon enough for the holidays.  See?  I told you: I don’t write quickies like a lot of stories you find here on Nifty – but I do write the good stuff when it feels right, you know?  And yeah – when this part came down the line, I couldn’t help it – it’s my favorite part so far.  To me, it just “fits”.

 And I hope you think so too…   :o)

 Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas everyone!

 - EKidKy

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Comments to: EKidKy@hotmail.com
Other series by me:

   - The Bully and The Bullied (A novel)
(www.Nifty.org, Gay – High School section, Early-Mid 2009)

   - One Autumn Weekend (A Short Story)
(www.Nifty.org, Gay – High School section, February 2010)

   - Life’s Road of Discoveries
(www.Nifty.org, Gay-Young Friends section, Early 2008)

   - Terry and Sam - Short Story, Holiday Christmas Collaboration w/Ruwen
(www.Nifty.org, Gay-No Sex section, Late 2008)