CHAPTER 15 -
Religion. The Church. God. Wrong and right.
The deeper this relationship got, the worse Brian suffered with his inner struggle. What he had been taught his whole life... How did he let this happen? This was something he would wonder forever. How it stared again? Why?
It should be so easy to stop... there was no romance involved! He had a girlfriend, Nick had a girlfriend too, they were cheating, weren't they?
And worst, Brian had been kissing a man... someone from the same sex. And, fuck! He wasn't gay... he was so completely sure! He just couldn't understand why this was happening. He was afraid that something could be changing, but he wouldn't think about it much. He wanted to 'break this up' with Nick. He wanted to be only friends, because deep inside... Deep inside Brian wasn't trusting himself anymore.
So many things around saying it was wrong... What was wrong? Making out with your best friend? Best male friend? But it wasn't another 'man'... It was Nick! Nicky... Nick his best friend, the blondie... The silly and innocent one. That funny guy that he watched grow. Sweet and tough, easy-going and aloof, all at once.
They were now in France, stopping at a fancy hotel. Brian was thinking this stuff over and over. It was 2:00am during the night and he was sat on the large brown couch of the hotel's hall. There was no one there, it was sort of a private room were guests could stay at. Only not at this time of the night! But he couldn't help it... Brian couldn't sleep and neither could he stay in his own room. Yeah, Nick and him got separate ones.
He decided to go to this room and watch some TV, just what he was doing right now. The volume was low, and although his eyes were looking at the screen his mind was far away gone.
Why do Nick and him do that? Why? For heaven's sake why do they make out?! This was wrong... they didn't love each other to be doing this. It was only getting Brian confused! Fine, Nick was ok with it. But Nick wasn't raised in the same family, with the same religious believes as him. Brian was. And it was so damn hard now... He wanted to understand it all. Why were things so strong and weird between him and Nick? Just.... why?
Brian knew Nick felt as if he was being pushed away, and maybe he was right. Maybe Brian was really pushing him away. But it was for the better. He was trying to save them!
Brian sighed, he didn't hear anything, his mind was working in such a rush, everything around him didn't actually seem to be there.
But there was him... Going down the steps unsurely, his young, mysterious and sweet face... That very known face, and amazingly unknown too. Who could really know him? Who besides the one he was looking for now?
Nick walked to the hall and slowly opened the door. He walked in and closed it again. His eyes fell on Brian. He smiled. He looked so cute, totally concentrated on the TV. One of his arms around the couch, the other resting above the pillow. Nick approached softly.
"Hey..." - he said. Brian had been so aloof with him that Nick even wondered if Brian wouldn't be mad seeing him there.
Brian jumped slightly and looked at him, trying to calm himself down.
"Nick..."
The blond smiled.
"What are you doing here this time? Shouldn't you be asleep?" - Brian asked.
"Hey, you ain't sleeping either!"
They grinned slightly.
"I couldn't." - Brian said honestly. - "Too much in my mind."
"Same here. May I sit?" - Nick asked.
Brian felt his heart racing. He didn't mean to run into Nick at that time, he wanted to be alone, he wanted time to think about things... But maybe this was better, maybe he would be able to talk to him.
"Of course." - Brian made room for him, although it wasn't really necessary, the couch was large.
Nick sat very away from Brian. He looked at the TV and giggled.
"I like this movie!" - Nick said cheerfully.
Brian smiled looking at him mesmerized.
"Hey, you ain't mad I'm here, are you?" - Nick asked.
"No! No, Nick... its just that I was thinking... I wasn't really watching this movie."
"Oh."
Brian sighed and ignored the screen completely. He looked at Nick, his voice showing all his need and fear.
"Nick, we have to talk..."
Nick looked at those blue eyes, they were intense. Brian was really bothered with all this.
"I know..." - Nick sighed still looking at the TV.
As he wouldn't face him Brian turned the TV off.
Nick bit his lips, still not meeting his friend's eyes.
"Nick, why are we doing this?! Why is this happening with us?!"
Slowly Nick approached him on the couch and Brian moved away instinctively.
"I don't know." - Nick said softly. - "I don't know why this is happening, Brian!"
Nick smiled widely.
"We have to talk about it..."
"I know, we can talk... later."
Nick leaned over and his mouth met Brian's lips, they kissed softly, Nick being the one to push his tongue inside Brian's mouth and making him go weak. Putting together enough willpower Brian managed to pull Nick away.
"Nick... Nick! We have to talk, we really do!" - Brian pleaded.
"I know..." - Nick smiled. He leaned over again and Brian stopped him before they could kiss again.
"Talk, Nick... we gotta. Really."
"Brian, we can talk, I just wanna kiss a little... Just a few minutes, we can talk later..."
Nick's mouth was almost brushing Brian's lips, his hot breath lingering on his face, making Brian's heart beat fast and unsteadily.
"Ok..." - he heard himself whisper.
Nick's mouth finally crushed into his, passionately, his tongue exploring everything inside Brian's mouth, his teeth, his tongue, those wet spots inside, and Brian's tongue was sucking his playfully, wrestling at the same time and inviting Nick to go deeper.
"Talk... Nick we have to..." - Brian rustled between kisses.
"I know... we are gonna talk..."
Nick nibbled on Brian's lips, sucking them slightly, their were already swollen from the pressure of those full lips pressing together. They didn't realize, or didn't want to, but right now they were practically lying on the couch, Nick atop of Brian, their making out growing stronger and deeper, their lips hungrier and hungrier, their tongues fighting and licking softly each other, feeling, tasting everything. Flavoring that odd taste of each other that had got them so needed of more.
"Nick..." - Brian protested firmly, scared as hell he could be losing control.
"What?..." - Nick moved his lips to Brian's neck, kissing the delicate skin, so soft... he knew it sent shivers all over Brian's body, he could feel the skin getting sensitive under his lips and tongue tracing it calmly, playfully.
"Hm..." - Brian let out a small moan as Nick's tongue licked his neck and kissed him softly, his lips touching his ear, Nick nuzzling on his neck, his lips kissing his chin, their mouths meeting, their tongues exploring.
"We have to stop now and talk..." - Brian closed his eyes and ran his hand through that golden hair falling on Nick's eyes and touching his own face.
"We'll talk, its just so good to stop...!" - Nick whined in such a low voice.
Brian brought Nick's mouth to his and pushed his tongue between his lips, the warmth of his mouth meant safety and fear at the same time.
The kiss broke and he touched his forehead to Brian's. Their breaths had increased and their eyes locked, being so close to each other.
"No... its wrong..." - Brian whimpered.
"Is it?" - Nick asked with sincerity.
He touched his cheek to Brian's and brushed it slightly, planting small kisses on his cheeks and forehead, on his nose, on his lips, on his eyes.
Brian held Nick tight, loving those soft kisses Nick was giving him, loving the way his thin hair felt on his face, and at the same time afraid. He was scared as hell and for one reason. Something kept bothering Brian. And it was hitting them both. They were alone. In the middle of the night in a private room. There was no way they could be interrupted.
Nick buried his head on Brian's neck, kissing his deeply, softly, tenderly. Brian pulled him again and kissed Nick's neck, feeling him shudder in his arms.
Their mouths joined nibbling, Brian kissed Nick deeply, allowing his tongue to touch everything inside his mouth. They moaned together.
"What the hell are we doing? We can't... Nick we can't... Oh, please let me feel your tongue again..."
Nick smiled and slid his tongue between Brian parted lips. The very feeling of the tip of their tongues touching and licking was making them flushed, a new found heat growing making it harder and harder to stop.
Nick hugged Brian, pressing his body into his friend's. When he did that they both felt it at the same time. Things had already gone too far now. Their arousals wasn't something easy to hide.
When Nick lifted his head and faced Brian he was almost crying.
They stared at each other for long seconds. Blue to blue. Their faces inches away, Nick's long hair brushing on Brian's face. Both pair of eyes glowing with uncried tears. Brian cupped Nick's face and kept the stare.
Where would they go from here? Images of the thirteen years old Nick rushed through Brian's mind, everything they had ever done. The feelings, secrets they had ever shared. The friendship. The way it had changed little by little. Nick looked at his best friend. The one he trusted the most. His guardian angel, as he secretly called Brian when he was younger. Everything they shared, all the words said, all the nights spent together talking, laughing, goofing off.
How had this changed? Why did they let this happen? So smoothly... so innocent, so right... Look where they were now. What could they do? Its was obvious now.
Their hearts raced together. Nick ran his fingertips over Brian's cheek and what built inside of him scared him, and what he said surprised him the most because he had never meant those words in such a deep and strong way.
"I love you." - Nick babbled.
"I love you, Nick."
They smiled and tears ran down their cheeks at the same time. Their lips met softly.
"I can't believe it, Brian... I am in love with you... I'm sorry..."
"Thats what I meant! I am in love with you too!" - Brian cried out.
"Oh, my God." - Nick's eyes widened in happiness and shock. He couldn't believe this.
"I know... I've been feeling weird for so long! I was so scared to even think about this possibility! I would kill myself knowing I fell in love with my best friend! Because you always said this was just some fooling around..." - Brian began.
"I always wanted it to be a fooling around! I thought you would be mad at me, I don't know... Suddenly I felt jealous as if I was losing you. And now... Oh, God... I realized this and I think I've known this forever."
"You feel it too? As if you've always been in love, as if you've always known it?"
Nick nodded.
"I love you, Brian, I love you so much! Now I see I have never actually loved anyone in my entire life. This... this that I'm feeling now, this is love. I can't lose you! I can't breath without you! In so many ways I need you!"
They smiled.
Brian held Nick and he cuddled his head to Brian's chest.
"I love you too." - he kissed Nick's hair.
Smoothly Nick began to kiss Brian's jaw line and neck. Immediately the hit fired up again. But still Brian didn't want this! It was wrong, wasn't it? They were alone, nothing would stop them... They just... they couldn't cross this line!
"Nick, we can't... I love you but we can't..."
"I love you too." - Nick shut him with a kiss and Brian forgot everything when Nick's tongue licked his lips and slowly entered his mouth, licking all the way on his tongue, sucking it gently.
His hand traveled to Brian's stomach and Nick slid his fingers under his blue T- shirt, feeling Brian's muscles contract under his fingertips. Softly Nick ran his hand up and down his chest and Brian closed his eyes.
Always kissing Nick went further and cupped the tent forming on Brian's pants, through his jeans he could feel Brian's hard on. Nick rested his hand there and Brian moaned. The two of them locked eyes and Brian's widened in shock, adrenaline rushing through his blood.
Nick gasped and buried his head on Brian's neck, he found his earlobe and closed his lips around it, brushing his lips on his ear and whispering softly.
"Brian... I'm scared." - Nick moaned, his voice cracking.
Brian sighed and wrapped his arms around him. Nick looked at Brian and he smoothed Nick's face, their eyes glowing.
"I'm scared too." - Brian said touching Nick's arms and hugging him.
Their mouths met and Nick softly unbuttoned Brian's jeans, pulling the zipper down. Slowly he lowered his pants a little and stopped. His touch was unsure, he feared every move.
Brian's head was spinning. Wrong and right... Love, love, love. He loved Nick, was it a sin to be in love with him? They couldn't do it! Religion, Church, God! A sin... He wanted to plead Nick to stop before it was too late. Wasn't it already late?
"Nick... kiss me..."
Their lips crushed together and Brian ran his hands over Nick's neck, touching him under his black shirt.
"I don't know what to do." - Nick said looking at him.
Thirteen. Eighteen. They were kids when they met. Best friends. Eighteen. Twenty three. They were no longer kids. They had fallen in love. A mistake? Probably. But it didn't matter. Not now.
"Maybe we should stop..." - Brian tried, almost sweating so hard he was.
"No... I don't want to stop. I wanna be with you."
Nick licked his tongue and explored his mouth. Brian shivered and shuddered. His hand went back to Brian's pants and without looking Nick pulled his boxers down.
"Hm..." - Brian moaned and closed his eyes. He couldn't think he was actually exposed, but it felt so good when Nick's hand touched him, his fingertips like feathers.
Nick bit his bottom lip and studied carefully every single emotion on Brian's face as his closed his fingers around his now throbbing member. Brian closed his eyes and opened his mouth as Nick moved his fingers up and down, this time staring in awe at his cock. Was he really doing that? With Brian! Long nights spent together talking about girls, sleeping cuddled when he was afraid, messing together, goofing off, making out... What? What changed?
Love.
Nick was struggling inside to decide what to do. Brian was definitely enjoying it. Although his words tried to deny it, Nick felt precum oozing from his cock. Oh, man, that was definitely odd and weird.
"No, Nick.... we shouldn't be doing this..." - Brian gasped and panted.
Nick looked at him again, Brian's eyes were wide and scared. Immediately he met his lips and their tongues dueled and made love at the same time.
Nick took Brian's hand and linked fingers, conducting it to his own hard on, which Brian could feel through Nick's jeans. Unbuttoning them Nick lead Brian's hand inside his boxers and they both moaned.
'No! This is wrong, we can't be doing this!' - Brian's mind was yelling but his body wasn't listening.
He let his hand be there with Nick's and he touched him, feeling his hard member press against his fingers, something wet dripping into his hand.
Nick closed his eyes and threw his head backwards. Seconds later he buried his head on Brian's neck and moaned as if in pain, moaned quietly, painfully as Brian's hand was moving inside his boxers.
"Hmm Hmm mmmm...." - Nick whined and whimpered on Brian's neck, making him even hotter.
Nick didn't have malice, he was actually whining coz he had never felt something so good, so magical, so forbidden and right. He was like a child that couldn't keep his feelings.
Unsure Brian took his hand away, knowing that it was too late to stop, though. They locked eyes, their breaths completely unsteady. Their lips met, Brian licked Nick's lips and sucked on them until he parted and allowed Brian access to his own tongue. Brian brushed his teeth along Nick's tongue, sucking it inside his mouth. Nick's hand again touched Brian's chest.
Softly they broke the kiss, that soft crepitating noises from the wet tongues and swollen lips.
He was sure now. Nick kissed Brian's neck a little before facing his cock.
Brian looked at him breathing heavily.
"No..." - he shook his head and whispered. - "No, Nick... don't..."
Nick grinned.
He flicked his tongue on the head of his cock and Brian groaned.
Amazed by this reaction Nick swirled his tongue around that sensitive skin, trying to forget what he was doing, just remembering how good it felt. Nick closed his lips around the head and sucked softly, letting it slide in and out of his mouth slowly.
Brian gasped for air and growled. 'Religion, the Church... God, sin.... wrong, wrong, wrong! Oh, God... good, good, good.... and right. Amazing...'
Nick used his tongue to poke the wet head of his cock and Brian felt he could fly from that couch in pleasure. It was so good that it hurt. He had never felt that. Such a strong pleasure that easily turned into pain, and back into pleasure again.
Seeing Brian's face contortions and his cries out Nick stopped and kissed him again. Brian felt that taste in Nick's tongue and it only made him harder.
"Touch me, Brian... you know the way..." - Nick whispered leading his hand again to his pulsating hard on.
Precum oozed from Nick's cock when Brian stroke him gently. He bit his lip not to scream. Instead he cuddled to Brian's neck, gripping his shirt and silently crying on his ear. Licking it inside, biting his earlobe and whispering everything he was feeling through those moans and whimpers.
His heart was beating a thousand times per second, those whines on his ear, the way Nick kept telling he was scared, the way he seemed to be in pain as Brian so slowly rubbed his cock. It was almost too much. The sounds they were making came from a painful torture. That felt amazingly good.
Brian took his hand away, still fighting with everything he had inside.
They kissed again, lips and tongues exploring, licking hungrily, furiously, heated. They nibbled on each other's lips before Nick went down again, facing Brian's cock and closing his lips around his head.
Brian took a deep breath and moaned loudly.
"No, Nick, please... stop it... Its hurts..." - Brian whimpered.
"Hurts?" - Nick asked now teasingly.
He tried to take as much of Brian as could inside his mouth, sucking this time vigorously, licking at the same time until he felt Brian's head brushing at the back of his throat. He chocked and tried to relax as Brian was thrusting inside his mouth.
It was too much. The pleasure was burning his body. It was as if they were both burning in fever. Nick's mouth was warm and his tongue was tender licking his skin and massaging his head, he felt like crying and screaming.
"Nick... stop, please...!" - it was wrong, wrong! Damn it, he had to stop... he was losing his consciousness.
"You saying you feel pain?" - Nick asked looking at him.
"Yes! Pain!" - Brian moaned.
"Are you sure?"
Nick asked and ran his tongue from the base to the tip of his cock, pressing it on his slit.
"Oh, fuck!" - Brian whimpered. - "Pain!" - he hissed.
Nick smiled.
"Pain? Let me try again."
Nick closed his mouth around his head and sucked it smooth at first and hard right after, back to smooth and then vigorously, soft again and hard, Brian went crazy.
"Pleasure!" - he screamed. The last strands of right and wrong letting go of his body. He couldn't fight it anymore. - "Nick... hmm hmm oh... God!" - Brian moaned trying to breath.
Nick went up again and kissed him passionately. Brian kissed his neck and this time his hand found the way all alone to Nick's boxers. Brian slid his hand inside and stroke Nick hard, flicking his thumb on the tip, making him cry out.
Every time Brian was touching him Nick felt the need to bury his head on his neck and whimper loudly, moan in pain/pleasure, scared and right about this. Every touch making him more needed, more desperate. And he knew Brian was feeling the same way.
"Brian, I... I can't..." - Nick whined. - "Can't..."
"Don't hold it back, Nick..." - Brian gasped and increased the pace of his strokes.
"Oh ahmmmm! Oh, oh... hmmmmmmm!" - Nick cried out as he came hard on Brian's hand.
Nick collapsed on top of Brian fighting to recover the powerful orgasm that hit his body. And when he was there, lying on top of him, touching Brian's chest it didn't feel weird. Who cares they were both men? He loved Brian and he loved him back. Touching him, loving him felt so right as if they had been doing this since ever.
Their mouths met and their tongues dueled, until Brian's voice came filled with lust and need, he could barely speak so horny he was. His cock was actually throbbing and he felt precum dripping from the tip.
"Nick, please..." - he begged and whined.
"Yes... I love you."
"I love you." - Brian said watching Nick go down again and flick his tongue on his head, tasting the precum oozing from it.
"No more teasing." - Brian managed to say and Nick smiled.
"Okay."
Nick's hair fell on Brian's hips as he thrust his mouth into his cock, licking, sucking, surrounding it with warmth and his soft, tender and wet mouth.
Brian's hands found Nick's head and he ran his fingers through his long blond hair, playing with it, feeling Nick's head move up and down in the same pace as his thrusts.
"Oh, God, Nick..."
Brian's eyes rolled on the back of his head. Sweat covering his body, he felt the fever inside of him. Nick flicked his tongue on his head and sucked at the same time. Brian went all the way to heaven.
"I can't... I'm gonna... Nick..."
His breath came in gasps as Nick deep throated him. Brian's hands tightened on Nick's hair.
"GOD, OH! Hmmmmmah... ahmm..." - Brian groaned as he came, shooting that warm liquid on Nick's mouth and throat.
Brian's body shook and trembled, his eyes shut forcefully as he tried to catch breath.
Nick swallowed what was on his mouth and some of that odd thing ran down his chin without him noticing. He felt so wonderful and so scared he didn't know what to do.
"Here, Nick..." - Brian said with open arms.
Nick immediately crawled on top of him and cuddled to his body. Brian kissed him and licked what was dropping from Nick's mouth. Their lips joined in a loving kiss, tongues played briefly, and it was only those swollen lips caressing and brushing softly. Oh, but they were tired...
Nick rested his body on top of Brian, their eyes almost closing after their strong orgasms. Nick's head went up and down every time Brian breathed. He smoothed Nick's hair and neck, pulling him as close as possible.
"I really love you, Nick."
"I love you too." - Nick said and unconsciously drew a heart in Brian's chest with his fingertips.
They didn't care the place they were in. They were worn out, after collapsing in each other's arms.
And like this, without caring about the rest of the world Nick and Brian fell asleep.
so... did you like the chapter? I'm dying to know, plez e-mail me! lionessy@hotmail.com