Where Can We Go From Here - CHAPTER 17**
CHAPTER 17 -
**
In the same afternoon Nick and Brian took a nap at Nick's room. They joined the beds and laid there, at the beginning they had been cuddled to each other, but right now they were sleeping heavily and their bodies weren't touching anymore. Even though the presence of each other was strong. Even on their sleep they could feel that scent. The perfume, the heart beatings that suddenly intensified a lot, running completely out of their control.
It was a whole new world, definitely. But at the same time it was all known territory. Was this love really e new found feeling? Hadn't it been there secretly, since the very day they met? Maybe before this love could find all its way to be expressed through their amazing friendship. But time passed, they got closer, they were really accomplices. This love demanded more space. The making out... And now, the love was so immense that it kept burning them even in their sleep. It needed to be expressed in everyway possible. Through friendship and through sex.
Neither of them was virgin, but the thing they did was something they never felt before. And it didn't imply anything about their sexuality. If it had been another men they wouldn't have definitely liked it. If it had been some woman, yes, it would have been great. But it was them. Only Nick and Brian. Seeing a part of each other they didn't know. Sex is when people lose control and show what they really are. And when you are having pleasure, almost crossing the line of no coming back you use to masks. You are who you are. And that was what they saw last night.
Brian saw this growing up Nick turning into a child that couldn't hold his feelings back. Whining and whimpering with a pleasure that showed through his voice. Every detail of his body falling in love, his true feelings, how he really was. Nick. Just Nick, sincere... His fears, his feelings, everything as Brian held him and pleasured him. And to Nick... seeing Brian's face when he knew he had lost control. Watching his struggle between right and wrong, seeing his face and mouth almost in pain with delight and the pleasure he had never felt.
After that night they knew everything that was left about each other. They didn't know this yet, this is something you don't understand with your mind. And right now their hearts were working furiously in developing this love. Not just a love... The love. That one people spend their whole lives looking for... Weren't Nick and Brian lucky? Maybe...
Nick opened his eyes and turned around to see Brian still sleeping beside him. He smiled and kissed his forehead. Brian didn't move, there was only the sound of his peaceful breath.
Love and passion were burning within him so powerfully that Nick had to gasp for air at that sight. He softly caressed Brian's cheek. No... Nick didn't care about right or wrong. What he was feeling right now was the best thing that had ever happened to him. He had always loved life, but now he could see a whole new meaning. And now he knew what life was really about. Love. And he wasn't being corny. It was that one kind of love that gives you everything. And Brian gave him everything. One smile and Nick was happy. One hug and he stopped crying. One kiss and he melted, and now his love... and Nick was in heaven.
He wanted to shout it out loud to the whole world. He wanted to stand up and yell it for who ever wanted to hear it. That Brian was his, and he was Brian's. That they belonged together, that they were friends, that they were lovers, that they were soul mates...
Nick smiled at this thought. He leaned over and kissed Brian's lips. His lover still kept his eyes shut and Nick got out of bed smoothly. He really wanted to talk to someone. It didn't matter he wouldn't say what it was, he just needed to say how he was feeling, otherwise he would explode.
He walked through the hallway and stopped at AJ's door.
"Whos it?" - he yelled from inside.
"Nick."
"Oh, its opened anyway."
Nick giggled and walked in, closing the door behind him.
AJ was laid on one of the beds, his phones on his ears and his CD player on his lap.
"Tsup, Nickers?" - AJ smiled.
"Not much. Just wanted to talk. Got some time?" - Nick smiled and laid on the other bed, right beside AJ.
"Of course." - AJ turned the music off and took the phones out of his ear. - "Where is Brian?"
His heart jumped at this name. Nick tried not to show his huge smile.
"Oh, he is sleeping. Besides, I've been bothering him too much about this, I wanna talk with someone else."
"Oh, I'm really glad you picked me, Nick!" - AJ smiled.
Nick decided to joke.
"Oh, well, ya know... If I went to Kevin's room he'd find something to tell me off about, and Howie isn't in his room, so..."
"Oh! You dickhead! I don't wanna talk to you!" - AJ pouted and kept a giggle.
"Aw! Pwease.... don't be like this, I luv ya, J!" - Nick mocked baby talking and they laughed. - "No really, I wanted to talk to you. I think you'll be the coolest guy to give me some light in what I'm living."
"Oh, thank you! Sounds much better now!" - AJ grinned.
Nick really meant what he said. Maybe it was because if some of the boys should know about his new condition with Brian it would have to be AJ. He would be cool about it. Nick felt AJ would even say they made the perfect couple together. Actually, all the guys had said that once in a while. Of course they were just messing, but hey, weren't they right!
Nick sighed, a smile always playing on his lips as he looked at the ceiling.
"Remember what I told you guys at breakfast table today?"
"Yes, you said you're in love. Is it true?"
Nick turned around and faced AJ. He bit his bottom lip as he smiled.
"Wow! My God, Nick! Your eyes are shining so much you could light New York City with them!"
Nick grinned and that butterflies spread all over his chest when Brian's image appeared in front of him.
"I'm in love, AJ..." - Nick whispered. - "And now I know what love is. I never really knew what it felt like."
AJ watched in awe Nick's dreamily expression. His smile was so wide, his eyes were shining with such intensity he didn't know if they were watering.
"Have you ever felt like you'd give up your life for someone?"
"Oh, my, and this person changed you upside down in such a lack of time?!"
Nick nodded and bit his lip, always smiling.
"I'm in love.... and its so strong, so bad that I can't stop smiling! I feel so silly that I can go out there and wait with open arms till one of those stars fall from up above straight into my arms." - Nick laughed, - "I'm feeling so stupid."
AJ laughed too.
"Look at me, Nick."
He did what he said.
"God... your eyes are REALLY glowing, man!" - AJ exclaimed amused. - "I wish I knew this person that has such a powerful effect on you."
'Oh, you know them!' - Nick thought to himself happily. 'Brian.'
A new smile played on his lips.
"One day you will, AJ. I think."
"I hope." - AJ let go of Nick and looked up at the ceiling again. - "So, tell me about this person."
"Well... I never meant to fall in love with... her." - Nick said quickly. Oh, just a little white lie. Hey, he couldn't give it in so easily, right? - "Its someone I know for a long time. I've seen her now in France, but I've known her for years."
"What about Mandy?"
"Well, I thought I loved Mandy, but that was before. I never felt something like what I'm feeling now. One day I looked in the eyes of this girl" - 'yeah, sorry, Brian.' Nick thought cheerfully. - "and realized I loved her and needed her bad! And ya know, she has always been like a sister to me, I never thought I could fall for her. She was a female version for Brian, for example." - Nick tried not to laugh.
"Hm.... falling for the best friend is always hard, man... Does she fell the same way?"
Nick couldn't help but laughing. Oh, those blue eyes, that smile, that touch, that friend, that body, the safety, that warmth and all those things only Brian could give him.
"Yeah!" - Nick said loudly. - "We are totally in love and its driving us both insane, man! But I just don't know what to do... I'd definitely dump Mandy to be with her, but it would be impossible for us to stay together anyway."
"Why this? I really don't understand it."
"Problems with her family. She has lots of problems, her life is too complicated and I really don't want to get into this now. I don't wanna talk about the sad stuff... Its only that this week something stronger happened between us."
"You had sex?"
"Yeah... sorta."
"Sorta?" - AJ grinned.
"No, yes! Yes, we did it."
"And how was it? Did you feel that connection with her? That something beyond human, that love that could stop the world, the not knowing anything besides that those eyes are your home...?"
Nick's mouth dropped open.
"Exactly!" - he said in awe. - "AJ, have you ever been like REALLY in love?"
AJ sighed. He remembered the accident involving his first girlfriend.
"Yes, Nick. I know I'm all weird and freaky, but I've loved too. And bad. Just not sure if as bad as you, God, you look really goofy when you are in love, Nick!"
"Shut up!" - Nick burst out laughing and so did AJ. - "The thing is... its totally forbidden. Because of Mandy, and yes, she has a boyfriend, and all those issues... its totally impossible. But right now I'm not really giving a damn because I've just realized how strong my feelings are for her, get it?"
"Yes. You know there will be many things ahead, but right now you are so overwhelmed you can't really care about them."
"Oh, God, J! You rock!"
They both grinned.
"Its like this... Things are really kinda just starting between us, but I feel its so right! I wouldn't want anything else in my life besides this person. Really."
"Not even your best friend Brian?"
Nick put the pillow above his head to suffocate his laughter. AJ didn't even notice. Nick calmed down and seconds later he answered the question.
"No, I wouldn't give up Brian. Or you guys."
"Good answer, kid." AJ played. - "Here's what I think you should do. Let time pass. Right now you're in such a strong bliss that you can't even think straight. Just enjoy it... while its there, while you guyz problems don't stay in the way... Life will come for both of you and to be together you'll have to learn how to work things out. For now, if the person is feeling it just like you don't waste time suffering in anticipation. Live it Nick. To the fullest. Ain't what you like to say? So... Just one thing. Whatever you do just please don't let this person go away. I honestly have never seen this shine in your eyes before and the way you talked... All I can say is that little Junior here is in luv... and you got it bad, bud."
They laughed and were still giggling when Brian walked in.
"Oh, I wanna join the party!" - Brian complained grinning too.
"Hey ya." - they said at the same time, but Brian heard the different tone in Nick's voice. That sweet melody they shared secretly. That thing called love.
His eyes met the blond and he shuddered. Nick! Oh, God! His Nick! How bad he wanted to go there and touch his hand, and touch his hair and kiss his lips. How bad he wanted to whisper all night long how much he loved him, how bad his heart was aching for him! Brian never felt this... And there wasn't much to explain. He couldn't! It was wrong. But it felt right and period. Who was him to argue with his heart? Specially when it was being so damn willful like now? He wanted to be close to Nick. He walked towards him and sat beside his bed. Their hands joined secretly while AJ could not see it. Their fingers brushed like feathers at first and more forcefully after, as they were both staring and talking to AJ. These hands together, those fingers linked... The way they brushed softly, the sweet way to let the other know: Hey, I love you! I care for you! And I can no longer live without you in my life...
When it was getting late that night, after having dinner together again the boys talked a little while watching the tape of the last concert they had performed in France. Tomorrow they'd be going away. Oh, but wouldn't this be unforgettable? Yeah... Paris... Romance? True that.
When they were over it was midnight. They would be leaving at 6:00am, which meant they wouldn't have a good night asleep.
To top off this last day Nick was going to sleep in Brian's room. As usual they joined their beds together while smiling and goofing off, nothing had really changed in the way they could get along. They were young, they were funny, they were best friends. Only they were in love too.
When it was all ready they both collapsed on the bed and grinned slightly till their breaths got smooth and peaceful.
Nick turned around and faced Brian, their bodies touching, one of Nick's legs between Brian's.
Nick's eyes shone and he smiled. His heart beating so fast he thought he could fly. He never wanted to wake up from this. Brian and him. Forever. They were together, they were in love...
Nick approached Brian's face and nibbled on his lips and earlobe. He opened his mouth and his hot breath made Brian shiver.
"I love you too." - Brian said.
Nick pulled away in shock.
"How did you know I was gonna say it right now?!" - he asked with wide opened eyes.
Brian giggled.
"I just knew it."
"Just knew it?"
"Yeah, I felt it."
Nick sighed happily, his heart too big to fit his chest.
"Then I'll just say it anyway..." - he approached Brian's face again, their breaths mixing up and their lips touching slightly. - "I love you." - Nick babbled.
Brian wrapped his arms tightly around him and Nick only cuddled his head under Brian's chin before falling asleep.
thank you guys for the e-mails! And ya know, I have lots of chapters written for this story. I would update everyday if I got feedback.