Disclaimer:
The following story is the twenty-second installment in an on going series about Stephen Gately from Boyzone and what I imagine to be the story behind the beginning of his relationship with Eloy de Jong from Caught in the Act. I have no contact with either person, nor know any of the members of either group.
I enjoy hearing what you have to think about my story so far, so please email me and let me know what you think. An author abhors a vacuum when they write.
Stephen stood in the stairwell long after Eloy had disappeared from view. He tried to hold back the pain he was feeling, but it was a losing battle. It radiated out of his chest and he felt like he was falling to pieces.
Wrapping his arms around himself, he leaned against the fire door before heading back to his room. This moment was worse than he had been imagining earlier. He took a shuddering breath and concentrated on getting back to his room. He stood with one hand on the doorknob for what seemed like the longest time until he could open it.
Once he was back in the hall, he headed down the hall until he got to his room. He stared at it for a few moments before realizing he was there. As he tried to get his thoughts into some sort of order, which wasn't following Eloy to the airport, he fumbled through his pockets for his key. Finally finding it, he opened the door and slipped inside. He didn't notice a figure standing at the end of the hallway watching him.
Barrie Knight stood by the window at the end of the hall. He had just been organizing things with the hotel staff when he heard a door open behind him. It was habit that made him look around and he was startled to see Stephen slipping out the stairwell door and heading down the other end of the hall. He didn't look around or otherwise notice that anyone else was there. Barrie frowned as he watched him. He looked a wreck. He was just about to go see what was wrong, but something held him back. Stephen slipped through the door and it closed behind him with a soft click. The moment had passed.
He stood there for a moment, processing what he had seen. Making a decision, he walked past Stephen's room to a door further down the hall. He knocked and a minute later it opened.
"Hey, I need to talk to you. Can I come in a moment?" He said and entered into the room.
Stephen stood in the middle of his hotel room and looked around. It seemed horribly empty. There were still plates piled up on the tray and he thought about putting it outside but really couldn't be bothered. He walked over to where his radio was and turned it on to fill the silence. Music filled the room, but it still didn't dispel the emptiness he was feeling.
He knew he was going to have to pull himself together. He couldn't show up for the dinner tonight the way that he was feeling. He still had time so he kicked off his sandals. Looking around again, he noticed that Eloy had left his t-shirt on the back of the sofa. He picked it up. Sniffing, he could tell it still carried a bit of Eloy's cologne. He carried it back to the bed and lay down, putting it onto the bed. The last few days took on a bit of a surreal quality and he wondered if they had really happened. If not for the shirt crumpled next to him, he would have thought they hadn't.
The ache inside seemed to spread through his chest and he started to shake. Closing his eyes, he pulled Eloy's pillow into his arms and buried his face against it. He sobbed into the pillow. He knew it probably wasn't going to help, but he wanted to wallow in it for a bit before he had to meet the rest of the lads tonight.
Eventually he stopped crying and just clutched the pillow against him. He felt hollow inside. He lay for a long time in the bed and stared blankly up at the ceiling.
The sound of his mobile ringing pulled him out of his stupor and he looked over at the nightstand. He didn't want to talk to anyone right now. But habit made him pick the phone up.
"Hello?" He said reluctantly.
"Stephen?" A rough voice came through the phone and his heart bounced off the wall of his chest. "I had to call."
"Hey," he said, perking up. "You okay?"
"No, I feel like shit. And that I don't really want to get on this plane." Eloy replied softly. He was standing in the seating area at his gate and was staring out the windows looking onto the cargo area.
"I know," Stephen replied in the same tone. "I know, baby." He could hear the pain in Eloy's voice and ironically it made him feel a bit better. He wasn't the only one feeling this way. It reminded him that there was the two of them in this together, and that neither of them was truly alone now. "With luck it won't be for too long, though."
"Ja," Eloy sighed as he rested his forehead against the window. "But it is so hard right now."
"It will be all right," Stephen assured him quietly. As he said it, he felt a new resolve to make sure that things would work out. "Together we'll make it be right, hon."
Eloy turned around as he heard the boarding call. "Damn, they're calling the flight. I shouldn't have called."
"No, I'm glad you did. I needed to hear your voice," Stephen assured him. "Go get on the plane. I'll be here tonight when you call."
"Stephen..." Eloy trailed off as he watched the other people get on the plane.
"I know," Stephen replied. "I love you."
"I love you, Stephen. I've got to go. But I'll talk to you tonight."
"I'll be waiting, babe." Stephen said softly. "I'll be here. Go on with you now."
As they rung off, Stephen found himself feeling a lot better. He knew that Eloy was feeling the same way he was. He lay back down on the bed for a moment before deciding he had had enough. He got up with a sigh and after putting the mobile down on the nightstand, made the bed. He then went into the bathroom and ran the water in the sink. He was humming a bit as he splashed water onto his face. He looked into the mirror critically. God, he looked a wreck! He splashed some more water onto his face and ran a wet hand through his hair.
When he felt a little more human he went back into the room and started picking things up. He was just through straightening everything when there was a knock on the door. Figuring it was Keith again, he sighed and went to answer it. A last glance in the mirror over the sink as he passed the bathroom assured him he looked reasonably together.
He was surprised to see that it wasn't Keith at the door as he opened it, but Shane. Shane stood leaning against the doorjamb, looking together and cool as usual. Stephen grinned.
"Hey," he said. "How are you?"
"Not too bad, brother. Can I come in?" Shane said as he dropped his shades to look down at Stephen.
"Yeah, sure. Come on in. I was just straightening up my usual mess." He opened the door wider and let Shane slouch through. It was good to see him. He closed the door and turned around. Shane made his way over to the sofa and sat down.
"Heard you came over early, but I couldn't reach you last night." Shane said as he sprawled across the sofa, taking up most of it.
"Yeah, I had dinner with a friend last night," Stephen said as sat on the end of the bed. A quick glance around showed that nothing seemed to be out of place and he relaxed a bit. He grabbed his boots and put them on. It gave him something to do and kept his face away from Shane. "Sorry we missed each other." He sat up again and restlessly looked around the room.
"No biggie," Shane said carelessly. "I found something to do with myself anyhow. Did you get the message about the meeting tonight?"
"Yeah, Susan from the studio called earlier." Stephen said, idly picking at the nap of the duvet.
"When I talked to her, she said she hadn't been able to get through. I thought maybe your phone wasn't working or something." Shane watched Stephen intently through his sunglasses. The brim of his hat sloped low over his forehead as he leaned back against the sofa. To him, Stephen looked pale and puffy, out of sorts. Though he was putting up a good front. He was glad that Barrie had said something to him.
"Oh, that." Stephen said with a shrug. "I took it off the hook. The phone kept on ringing and I couldn't be bothered to talk to anyone. Needed some quiet time last night." He tried to keep his explanation casual. He didn't want to lie to Shane, but he convinced himself he wasn't lying. He hadn't wanted to be bothered last night.
Shane saw right through him. "Steve, I did come here for a reason. Other than to make sure you got downstairs for the car."
"Oh?" Stephen asked.
"Yeah. Barrie saw you out in the hall a little while ago. He said you looked like shite and seemed upset about something." He pulled his sunglasses off and tossed them on the sofa. "Do you need to talk about something? If so, I'm here."
Stephen looked down at his hands. He hadn't seen Barrie at all, but it must have been when he came back from the stairs. He sighed.
"There's not much to talk about," he said with a shrug. "I was just feeling my usual self-pity fest." A moment later he looked up, startled. Shane had moved from the sofa to sit next to him on the bed.
"Well, I'm not one to force anyone to talk. I just want you to know that if you need someone to listen, that I'm here. All right?" He said as he put his arm around Stephen's shoulders. "Sometimes it helps to talk to someone else."
Stephen leaned into the hug. "Thanks. I'll remember that. And..." he paused for a bit. "I can't talk about it now, but if I need to, I'll know where to go." He smiled a little shakily up at Shane.
Shane nodded. "All right. Well, whatever it is, put it out of your mind for now. We have to get ourselves downstairs to meet up. You ready?" At Stephen's nod he got up, pulling Stephen with him.
Stephen felt himself trembling, just on the verge of telling Shane everything. He glanced at the clock. There wasn't a lot of time though. He walked over to the table and grabbed a baseball cap. Then he checked his pockets to make sure he had his key and nodded to Shane.
"All set. Let's go meet the rest of the lads," he said. He picked up the tray and took it out of the room with them as they went. Shane noticed the two sets of dishes and soda cans and filed it away for later. He had a pretty good idea what the problem was, but now was certainly not the time to talk about it.
They met up with Ronan, Keith and Mike down in the lobby. Already fans that were also staying at the hotel had assaulted the other lads. Stephen pulled his cap down. He wasn't looking forward to having to deal with this. Shane casually draped his arm around Stephen and nodded to Barrie as he walked by. He jutted his chin over to the fans and shook his head slightly. Barrie got the message and spoke into his mobile phone.
"All right lads, now that I have you all here I want to get this show on the road. We're a bit early, but there's heavy traffic on the road. Stephen, good to see you." Barrie nodded as he held his mobile away from his face and turned to look at them.
"Hey Barrie," Stephen said, not looking up. "Where's the car? Out front?"
"Yeah, why don't you just head out there while I round up the other lads?" Barrie suggested. He winked at the two of them and stepped in the way of several fans making a beeline to where Stephen was standing. Shane pulled Stephen through the lobby and out the door. "Ladies, what a pleasant surprise," Barrie said as he blocked their way. "Sorry, but you'll have to wait for another time. I've got the boys on a tight schedule and they don't have a lot of time." He smiled winningly at them as they sighed in disappointment, paper clutched in their hands.
"Will they be back tonight?" One persistent girl asked hopefully.
"Sorry, miss. Long after you're tucked into bed, I'm sure. Try tomorrow though." Barrie kept an eye on the rest of his staff who were adroitly leading the other lads out the front doors without too much protest from the fans. When he got the all clear sign he gave the gals a wink. "Morning after breakfast would be a good time, all right?"
They all brightened up at the idea of meeting their idol the next day. He left the group of them chattering in the lobby as he headed out the entrance. The boys' car had already left and he hopped into the one waiting. They took a different route which would get them to the studio before the van got there, not that Barrie was too worried about security on the other end. The studio had its own security and gated entrance. He kept the line open to Sam's phone in the van as they traveled so there were no surprises though. It wouldn't be the first time some fan thought to hang onto the boot in order to see the lads.
"How's Stephen doing?" He asked Sam. "He was looking a might poorly earlier."
Sam turned from where he was in the front seat and looked at Stephen sitting behind him. He was laughing at something that Keith had just said and looked fine to him. "He's doing okay."
"Good to hear," Barrie said. He didn't know what Shane had done, but apparently whatever it was had worked. The last thing he wanted to deal with tonight was Stephen being moody.
"Right," Sam said. "We're just about there. Turning in through the gates in about five." He looked down at his watch. They were right on time.
Barrie signed off as he saw that the van was right behind them. Good timing indeed. They pulled up to the curb and got out as the gates closed behind them. Ro and Mikey were laughing at something as they got out of the van, followed by Keith, Shane and finally Stephen. He seemed a lot better than earlier and Barrie relaxed a bit. He followed them through the doors into the reception area of the studio.
Stephen followed the other guys into the room past the reception area where a table had been set for a meal. He smiled as Susan introduced herself to the lads and asked them to find some seats. There were a few of the record company execs milling about a bar at one end of the room and he could see Louis schmoozing with his usual charm. He found a seat at the opposite end of the table and sat down. Shane pulled up a chair beside him and pulled a breadstick over to his plate.
Keith made a beeline for the bar, followed by Ro. Mikey struck up a conversation with someone who looked like the engineer. He looked vaguely familiar to Stephen.
"Would you care for something to drink?" A voice asked softly behind him. He turned to see one of the catering staff standing behind them. Shane ordered a lager and Stephen asked for a glass of wine. A short time later the woman returned with their drinks. She uncorked a bottle of wine and poured Stephen a glass, leaving the bottle near his place setting. He saw that the others were taking their seats around the table and the servers began putting out the first course. He could see Lucian Grainge sitting back at the head of the table and watching everyone over a brandy snifter. He was surprised to see Lucian here. It wasn't often that the head of Polydor's UK division showed up for these kinds of things.
Stephen slanted a glance at Shane who shrugged. He had to bite back a grin. Figure that Shane wouldn't be impressed. He turned away from that end of the table. The last thing he wanted to see was Louis sucking up to the brass.
He smiled at another exec sitting next to him whom he didn't know. Sipping his wine, he leaned back to allow the server to place the plate down in front of him. He wasn't feeling especially hungry and played at eating each course as it came. He was glad he didn't have to contribute much to the conversation. He was feeling a bit better, but still wasn't up for idle chat.
As the dessert was served and the catering staff withdrew, Louis got up and thanked everyone for coming. Then he went off on a speech about having great plans for the album and how it was great to get everyone on board from the start. Polite applause followed as he sat down. Lucian got up next and toasted the group.
"Lads, it's great to see you all tonight. I have great hopes for this album and know that with this team, we'll have ourselves something great. And so I won't interfere with it, I'll be taking myself home so you can get started without any upper management looking over your shoulders. I want you all to know how much we're all behind you on this, and I look forward to the final result." He raised his glass and everyone matched the toast.
As he left, patting each of the lads on the back on his way out the door, the other middle level record executives made their farewells. It left just the boyz, the producers, the engineer and Louis. They sat for a moment over coffee and quietly discussed the battle plan for the album.
It was getting late as they wrapped up and Stephen looked down at his watch. He wanted to get back to the hotel so he could be there for Eloy's call. He sighed as they slowly left the studio and headed out to the car park. He also wanted to talk to the rest of the lads about planning for some time off. He decided that could wait until they had all gotten back into the van for the ride back to the hotel.
"Was that not fantastic?" Ronan crowed as they got in the van. "Lucian, man! We're hitting the top here, lads. Mark my words."
Shane snorted. "Nah, he just wants the top of our paychecks is all. Nice gent, though." Mikey shrugged and didn't say anything. Stephen found himself going in last and sitting against the window again.
As they pulled out through the gate, he tried to get everyone's attention. Gerry was driving with Sam up front and they were chatting between themselves, so it was just the five of them in the back. Keith was the first one to see that he wanted to say something.
"You've been quiet tonight, Steo. What's on your mind?" He asked. He thought that Stephen had looked out of sorts earlier in the lobby and felt concerned. They have been through a lot together over the last few years and though he felt protective for all the lads, Stephen always brought out the older brother in him.
The rest of the lads quieted down at Keith's question. Stephen thought of how to begin now that he had their attention.
"I've been doing a lot of thinking over the last few days," he began. "About the last tour." He looked down at his hands. Unconsciously he had been spinning his ring. It was the one his parents gave him when he had gotten into the band. He looked up. Everyone was watching him. "I was thinking that it was a bit much."
"Yeah," Ro sighed. "I'll second that. It was a killer." The others nodded in agreement.
"Well, I think we should plan in some time to ourselves before it gets like that again. I know it was a bit crazy because the tour got extended and we still had all the other promotion commitments. But I was a wreck by the time it finished. I don't think I can go through that kind of thing again." He said, looking back down again.
Mikey gave a heartfelt sigh. "Yeah, I agree. No more. And I think that Stephen's right. We need to plan some "me" time for ourselves. Even doing this album. If we don't, it's only going to get worse and we're not going to be able to stop it. I know I can't go through another run like that without seeing Sharon and Hannah again. She barely recognized me when I got back from the last run."
Keith nodded. "Yeah, I think I did a little better because at least Lisa was able to bring Jordan over for a bit. Though that was a bit rough on the little fella. And I do feel that we were barely home to take a shite before we ended up over here for the next thing. Enough is enough."
Stephen glanced at Shane sitting opposite. "Well? What's your take on it?" Shane was sitting next to Mikey, taking up most of the seat across from him.
"I wouldn't mind some time to myself," he drawled as he stretched his legs out on either side of Stephen's and put them up on the seat cushion. "It would certainly help in terms of making some moves on a certain lady I have my eye on."
Stephen started grinning. "Oh? Do tell?" Shane shook his head and he pouted. "Damn. Ah well. We'll find out sooner than not. All right, are we settled?"
"Yeah, we are," Ro said, still looking at Shane. "I think a little built in time where we can make plans with other people is a good thing. I say that first thing tomorrow we discuss it with Louis and see where we go with it." He pushed his hair out of his eyes. "I certainly would like to know when I can look forward to my next break. Not that I don't love you guys, but a man's got to have a personal life, too."
"Amen," Stephen echoed. He caught Mikey looking at him with an odd look on his face as he turned back to the window. The topic then changed to something less serious as Keith told some off colour joke he had heard in a pub at home. Trust Keith to keep things light after they were serious for more than five minutes. They traded jokes most of the way back to the hotel and were glad to see that the crowd of fans had dispersed while they were gone.
Stephen glanced at his watch again, getting a bit anxious. It was close to midnight. A lot later than he had hoped. And he knew that Eloy was an hour ahead. He hoped he hadn't missed him. He all but bolted from the van as it stopped in front of the hotel.
"Gotta go to the loo," he called out with a wave as he passed Sam. "Seeya." He entered the lobby and pushed the button for the elevator. He debated whether he should just take the stairs, but the others had caught up to him by the time it started to come back down.
"Who's up for a nip?" Mike asked indicating the pub. Ro nixed the idea, since they had to be up early and ready for the first session in the morning. Mike shrugged and let it go, though Keith looked sorely tempted.
Stephen got on the elevator, all but dancing with impatience as the others took their time boarding. He pushed their floor and leaned on it, hoping to make the lift move faster. In his mind it was like slow moving molasses. He stifled a sigh. Ro heard it though and gave him a curious glance. "Gotta pee," he said, using the excuse to hide his impatience.
He tried to move a bit slower as they all got off and onto their floor. He already had his key out and said his goodnights as they all went to their rooms.
Shane started to say something but stopped himself. He could tell that something was up with Stephen and that he didn't want to talk right now. He had a pretty good idea what it was, too. He stood outside his door for a minute after Stephen went into his room down the hall. With a shrug, he put it aside and went into his own room.
Stephen turned on the light as he closed the door. A light was blinking and his heart sank. He had missed the call. He swore softly as he made his way over to the bed. Sitting down, he punched the message button as he picked up the receiver.
"Hi," he heard Eloy's voice. "I figured you're running late. It's okay. Give me a call whenever you get in. No matter how late, all right? I'll be up."
Stephen felt better once he heard Eloy's message. He should have known better than to think he wouldn't be able to call him back. He fished around the bed for his mobile and turned it on. He hadn't wanted to bring it with him and have it go off during the dinner. He had a few messages waiting on his service there, but didn't bother to check any of them. Hunting through his speed dial, he located Eloy's number and pushed it, his fingers drumming a beat on the duvet as he waited for the call to go through.
"Hello?" He felt a shiver as Eloy answered the phone.
"Hey," he said softly. "It's me. Just got in. Sorry I'm so late. I didn't know the dinner was going to go all night."
"It's okay," Eloy replied, just as quietly. He was lying on his bed in his apartment. He clicked off the stereo from the remote. As tired as he was, he hadn't been able to rest at all while he had been waiting for Stephen to call him back. He hadn't even wanted to call his mother or Lucienne to say that he was back because he didn't want to tie up the line.
"How was your flight?" Stephen asked as he bent over to untie his work boots and kick them off.
Eloy smiled as he heard him grunt. He could picture exactly what was going on. "Fine. Quiet. And not what I needed."
"Awww, sorry." Stephen said. He wiggled his feet, glad to be out of the boots. "Hold on a sec," he asked and at Eloy's affirmative, put the phone down for a moment. He pulled off his shirt and picked up his mobile again. "Okay. Just getting comfortable here." He held back the rest of his comment, which was "or as comfortable as I can be without you here." No guilt trips, no recriminations. He wasn't going down that route tonight.
"You there yet?" Eloy asked.
"Almost. Just got to drop me trousers," Stephen said as he popped the button on his jeans and pulled them down with one hand, taking his briefs along with him.
"Oh baby!" Eloy growled and Stephen laughed. He felt better than he had since Eloy had left earlier that night. "How did it go tonight?"
"Good. I guess. I didn't really pay too much attention, to be honest. It was mainly Louis going on about this and that, and frankly I couldn't be bothered." Stephen pulled back the covers and crawled underneath. He then reached over to turn off the lamp. He sighed with relief.
"Comfortable?" Eloy asked. He had one arm tucked behind his head and was using the pillow to hold the phone in place.
"Just about," Stephen said closing his eyes. He curled up on his side. In the dark it felt like Eloy was lying there beside him. "Hey, something good did happen tonight. I talked to the rest of the lads about planning breaks this time around."
"Oh, and how did that go?" Eloy asked. He tried to keep the eagerness out of his voice. No need to pressure Stephen too much.
"I think I struck a nerve, actually. They all but jumped on the idea. I guess everyone was feeling the stress of that last tour. So we're going to talk to Louis first thing in the morning. Get an understanding about what kind of time we're going to have to ourselves before we start in. I'm hopeful we'll come up with something." He crossed his fingers and prayed that Louis wasn't going to be an arse about it all.
"Sounds promising," Eloy said. He wanted to keep their conversation upbeat. "What time do you have to be there in the morning?"
"Oh, not until nine or so. And that's an early start for us," Stephen laughed. "Hey, Eloy?"
"Ja?" Eloy asked.
"Thank you for this week. It was special," Stephen said. He promised himself that he wasn't going to get maudlin, but he really did want to tell Eloy how much the last few days had meant to him.
"It was special for me, too. Thank you, Stephen. You made my dream come true. I'm so glad I called," Eloy said.
"Yeah, me too." Stephen said. He paused and they sat in a comfortable silence.
"How are you doing?" Eloy asked him. "You going to be okay with all this?" He was concerned that Stephen was going to get depressed and he really didn't want that.
"Yeah, I think I am," Stephen replied after pausing to really think about it. "I was a bit off there right after you left. But I thought about it and I'm doing okay."
"You sure?" Eloy asked, a bit concerned. He kept on flashing back to that image of Stephen looking like he had been abandoned on the stairs of the hotel.
"Yeah, I'm sure. I'll be honest and tell you I'd much rather you'd stayed. But that wouldn't have worked out." Stephen sighed. "Though once the lads find out, it should be okay."
"Thinking of telling them?" Eloy asked. He had mixed feelings about that, but wasn't going to tell Stephen what to do.
"At some point, yeah. They'll find out soon enough when everyone keeps on heading back home but me. And I think Shane already has ideas that something went on this week. But he's cool. If I can talk to anyone, it would be Shane." Stephen said.
"Good," Eloy said. "I'm glad you can talk to someone then, if you need to." He looked at the clock and knew that Stephen had to be up in the morning. "It's getting late, babe."
"Yeah, I know. You're probably beat, too." Stephen said. "You in bed?"
"Mmm hmmm," Eloy said. "I am."
Stephen tried to stifle a yawn. "I should let you go then. How about I give you a call once I know what the story is on the schedule? Sound good?"
"Ja, it does. You going to be okay tonight?" Eloy asked. He stared up at the ceiling and wished himself back in London.
"Yeah, I'll be okay," Stephen said, trying to stay positive. "I think I'll be able to get to sleep." He yawned again. "I'll give you a call tomorrow."
"You do that," Eloy said. "Goodnight, zusje. I love you."
Stephen smiled. "I love you, too, baby. I love you so damn much. Sleep tight."
"You, too." Eloy said past the lump in his throat. "Night."
Stephen disconnected his mobile and stayed where he was. If he tried hard enough, and kept his eyes closed, he could imagine Eloy still lying next to him in bed. He could still smell Eloy's cologne on the pillow. He buried his face against it and willed himself off to sleep.